Beats, Rhymes and Life

Warning...This Blog Will Self Destruct In 5...4...3...2...1

2009-08-27T00:31:00.000-04:00

Not really. It'll still be here, but I got a new blog. I guess I should start blogging again...

http://rashanjamal.blogspot.com/

See ya over there...

A Letter to the Crazy Lady(ies)

2009-07-06T08:12:00.002-04:00

7/6/2009

Dear Crazy Lady(ies),

Please don’t murder-suicide me. I know in the past I’ve taken your craziness lightly. I thought if anything, you would hurt yourself, but you wouldn’t do anything to me. When people told me to look out for your crazy behavior, I dismissed it like I was invincible. But believe, I get the point. You can, and will kill a brother if you feel like it. I don’t want to end up like Steve McNair. I don’t want to end up like Phil Hartman (yes, I took back like 10 years.) To put it simply, I just don’t want to die.

So, let’s do this. And this is hard for me to do. Let me apologize. I’d like to apologize for not answering the phone when you call. I’d like to apologize for not liking you like that. I’d like to apologize for NOT telling you that I love you when I don’t. I’d like to apologize for calling you a stalker to your face. I’d like to apologize for just being mean. I didn’t mean it. In retrospect, I should have done a better job of keeping you on your rocker. I should have realized that it’s my responsibility to make you un-crazy. It’s not your fault. You can’t help it that I put homicidal thoughts in your head by ignoring you. It’s all me.. My bad, crazy ladies…

In conclusion, crazy lady(ies), I don’t want to die. Please do not murder-suicide me. That won’t accomplish anything. We are not going to meet in the next lifetime. And if we do, I’m going to be pissed that you murder-suicided me. Call me stubborn, but that will have a negative effect on our fake relationship. If you just must do something drastic, can we switch this thing around and do a suicide-murder? You go first, and I’ll meet you there after a long long life with my wife and kids.

Sincerely,

Rashan Jamal

P.S. – I really don’t want to die. Put those murder-suicide thoughts out of your head please.

Thursday Thirteen: 13 (okay, just 12) Misspelings* On The Same Document

2009-07-02T21:06:00.005-04:00

I promise this is true... These are from a document that someone was passing out to the new hire training class I'm helping train. Needless to say I snatched the papers up as quickly as I could. I sent Diva an email last week with the subject line "I work with idiots..." Never more true than today... I was studying the document intently trying to find a thirteenth, but I guess I'll just have to roll with twelve today....

1. appropiate (appropriate)
2. disclousure (meant disclosure, but typed it wrong twice)
3.inmediatelly (immediately)
4. privasy (privacy)
5. awared (meant to be aware)
6. producktivity (for real, where did the K come from?)
7. sell (meant "sale")
8. an (meant" and")
9. and (meant "an")
10. carreer (I can almost give this one a pass based on the rest of the misspellings.)
11. transitionalize (don't ask what they were trying to say.)
12. assistants (assistance)
13.. I couldn't find another one. Darn it!!!

Yep, I work with idiots. Let me find out who came up with document and I'm going upside their head with a Funk and Wagnall's

*yes, I spelled it wrong on purpose. It's irony. Get it? LOL*

Conversations With Aristide

2009-07-01T12:41:00.001-04:00

So, I’m at work early today doing some training. Got an hour lunch and it’s way too early for me to eat. I decided to sit in the cafeteria and watch some CNN. One table over, Jean-Bertrand Aristide (you know, cuz he’s Haitian) is sitting there talking to everybody and anybody that is in the area. I didn’t have my ipod, but I had my phone. I call Jameil, but she didn’t answer. As a result, the following conversation ensued.

Aristide: Hey, where do you live?
Me: Huh?
Aristide: I see you driving on 285, so you must live out in Stone Mountain.
Me: Tucker (not really, but close enough)
Aristide: These f*ckers are getting on my nerves.
Me: Who?
Aristide: These bastards at (insert company I work for)
Me: Oh
Aristide: They are playing games with my salary.

Five minutes later, he is still talking about something or other about medical leave, and wrong paychecks.

Aristide: Did that ever happen to you?
Me: Did what ever happen?
Aristide: They give you wrong pay.
Me: Nah, I never had a problem.

Aristide: You know, this is first time I hear you talk. I thought you were deaf-mute.
Me: Obviously I can talk if I’m working here.
Aristide: I don’t know… Maybe you use the machine..(imitates typing) What do you call it when deaf people use phone?
Me: The TTD machine?
Aristide: Yes, the DDT machine….

Aristide: I think they soon change dress code. The women are dressing too provocatively.
Me: *laughs*
Aristide: I see this girls entire p****. (points at woman who is too close to be having this conversation)
Me: *blinks*
Aristide: I think she have, what do you call it.. toe of the camel.
Me: *cracks up* Aiight, man. I’m about to go. I’ll see ya around.
Aristide: They leave nothing to imagination.
Me: *walking away* Aiight, I’m out.
Aristide: I can see the crack of…

Man, I wish people would not talk to me.

Having A Bad Day

2009-06-24T01:43:00.002-04:00

Tuesday was a jacked up day for me. It started out pretty well. Work was slow. Had tons of meetings that kept me away from any real work, but then lunch came. I started not to even move my car from the garage because it was crazy hot, and I was already sweating. But I did it anyway. When I got in the car, the leather seats were blazing, and my glasses immediately fogged up. Sweat poured from my forehead, and trickled down into my eyes, causing an uncomfortable stinging feeling. As I was pulling into the parking spot, I wiped the sweat from my eyes and bammed right into a Honda Civic. Yes, your boy hit a parked car. How careless could I be? It didn't even really cross my mind to do the wrong thing. I went to the security desk so they could find the owner of the car I hit. We filled out an incident report, then waited for the police to come. Did I mention that it was 95 degrees? Yeah, I was out in the heat, sweating like a slave. Then I had to call my insurance company and tell them what was what. After that ordeal I was a little miffed, but still okay.

Later that day, I hit the ATM that's in the dining area of the cafeteria. I pulled out my $40, and walked away. Yep, I left the card in the machine, yo! What the hell was wrong with me today? Since the machine is not attached to an actual bank, I couldn't get anyone to open the ATM to get my card either, so I'm gonna be without it for a few days. Son of a... I was just done. I was supposed to stay late to make up the hour that I missed handling business after the crash, but after that I was just like "eff it. I'm outta here."

I came home in a bad mood today. I don't like the feeling, but it doesn't usually last long. I just need some time to wallow and then I get over it. I don't think people understand that about me. Maybe because it doesn't happen regularly, people can't figure out how to take me. When I'm in a bad mood, I just want to be in a bad mood until it goes away. Cheering me up doesn't really cheer me up. Its nothing personal, its just part of my process. I'm having a bad day. I think I'm entitled to one once every couple of months. I'll be okay tomorrow. Hours of old school hip hop on YouTube is helping.

Random

2009-06-10T14:07:00.001-04:00

What kind of sense does it make to comment on an news/sports article by saying “who cares?” – Obviously you care or you wouldn’t have taken the time not only to read it, but to comment on it.

Now that the American Idol dude has come out, does that mean that he is going to sing songs overtly to dudes? Will he change “Mandy” to “Andy?”

Would you listen to that? If not, does that make you homophobic?

That reminds me of an old school joke me and Kareem used to have about Luther Vandross. We changed the lyrics to “Don’t you remember you told me loved me, Larry?”

I read an article about a grandfather that killed his grandson b/c he dropped his watermelon. Do you know how glad I was that he wasn’t black? Feel like I dodged a bullet there.

Anonymous sources irk me. I think unless it’s a matter of life and death, if you say something, you should be man or woman enough to stand by it.

I think women that fake rape cases should have to register as sex offenders. They make it so much tougher for real victims.

Is anybody else disturbed that Hurricane Chris’ song “Halle Berry” is about a woman old enough to be his mother? I looked it up, she’s 43 and he’s 19.

I got bored the other day and shaved my head. Apparently I missed a few spots and was looking crazy for a day.

My job blocked Yahoo email yesterday. I wonder how long before Facebook and Blogger get blocked. Hopefully, at least one of them will stay available.

I didn’t have anything to write about, so I just started writing random thoughts and now I have a post. Hopefully, certain people won’t be harassing me in my comments about its time to post again. LOL

Southpaw

2009-06-08T13:14:00.001-04:00

I’ve always thought of myself as a lefty. I throw with my left hand, punch with my left hand, I would write with my left hand if my 3rd grade teacher didn’t switch me to righty. My left arm is significantly stronger than my right arm (or as Jameil calls it, my lame arm. LOL) But I didn’t realize until this weekend, how much I depend on both of my arms.

When I left work on Friday, my right shoulder was hurting. No big deal, but I couldn’t figure out why. That’s neither here nor there. As the night progressed, however, the pain was getting worse. It felt like the shoulder was dislocated or something. I could hardly move my right arm, forget about lifting it over my head or picking anything up. My range of motion was severely impacted by the shoulder pain.

The worst part of it, other than the ridiculous amount of pain, was that I just realized how much I actually use my right arm. I hold my fork in my right hand, but that’s no problem, I could use my left for that. But taking a shower? I felt all out of sorts trying to wash with my left arm. Or buttoning a shirt. It was difficult enough getting my arm in to the sleeve, but trying to button it with no range of motion was nearly impossible. I just rocked a tee shirt. Just pouring a glass of orange juice was messed up. I had to put the glass on the counter, open the container with my left hand, pour the juice, put the oj on the counter, open the refrigerator with my left hand, pick up the oj and put it back in the fridge, then pick up the oj.. again with my left hand. It would have been way easier if I had both arms available to use. Wiping my… never mind you don’t need to know about that. LOL

I also realized that I sleep with my arm under my head, but I couldn’t do that this weekend. Friday, I couldn’t sleep at all, Saturday, I managed a little bit of sleep, but woke up when my shoulder told me that was enough. It was better Sunday, but after 4 hours of sleep, it was a wrap. It feels better when I ice it, and take aleve, but I think I need to go to the doctor to get this checked out. I could live with the pain, but I can’t live without the sleep. The weekend is supposed to be my lazy time. Stupid right shoulder messed that up for me.

Some say I’m negative, but they’re not positive…

2009-06-03T18:03:00.000-04:00

What song does that title come from? I doubt any of the people in their 20’s will remember that…

Anyway, I’ve been doing some thinking. Rather, I’ve stopped blocking my thoughts as I usually do. I sometimes don’t like to face the hard truths, even though my brain knows about them. Here is the simple fact: I’ve been becoming more negative lately. I’ve always been a realist, some would say cynical. That’s not a problem for me. I think I see the world as it is, rather than with rose colored glasses. I’m not too far gone to see that although some people are messed up, other people have good, decent or altruistic motives. So, when I say I’m becoming negative, I don’t mean that.

I guess I should just say what I mean. I’ve recently realized that I am extremely proficient in identifying and talking about stuff I don’t like. People, places, things. Its far easier for me to say what’s wrong, than what’s right. I don’t want to be a complainer. I don’t like them (LOL – see I just did it again.) I need to get a positive mindstate. I looked at my draft posts over the last two week period, and 7 out of 10 aborted posts were complainey, or critical. And the thing is I wasn’t complaining about anything big. Just stuff that was getting on my nerves. Either that or I was talking about people. Why spend so much time on the negative? I don’t know, but I think I need to change that.

So starting today, I’m gonna make a conscious effort to not post about annoying people, annoying things or general annoyances unless for comedy purposes. I can’t let it go altogether. I’m gonna try to be more positive and affirm the good for awhile, rather than display the negative. Don’t worry, this isn’t gonna become one of those inspirational blogs. I still don’t like motivational writing (oops, I did it again.) But I just want to try to avoid the negative energy for the time being and see how it works. We’ll see how long I can last.

10 Things I Hate About You

2009-06-02T13:50:00.003-04:00

Dedicated to my annoying co worker....

1. You're pretty dumb. You've been working here long enough to know the things that you ask me on a daily basis.

2. Your voice is annoying. I don't know where that accent comes from, but can you give it back?

3. MuthaFu... my name is not Rashad. It's on my name badge, its on my desk, its on my email, my instant messaging. I've told you. Not a "D", an "N".

4. You have the same conversation several times a day. I know the Lakers won. I'm not happy about it either, but it is what it is. No need to rehash it every hour.

5. You think you are an expert in sports, but as far as I can tell you've never picked a winner. Celtics, Rockets, Nuggets, Cleveland.. Its one thing to root for the team, but don't talk big about what's gonna happen, and then come up with excuses once the opposite happens.

6. You be interrupting people's conversations. Son, do you see me talking? Well, I wasn't talking to you. Wait your turn, better yet raise your hand and wait for me to call on you.

7. How old are you anyway? You look like about 60, but your wife just had a baby? And you got Rick Ross as your ringtone? I don't hate you for being old, I hate you because I can't figure out how old you are. LOL (yes, I know this one was a stretch.)

8. You be looking over my shoulder. Don't worry about what I'm doing on my computer. Don't be trying to look at my Facebook pictures. Or at the very least, at least be discreet about it.

9. You be lying. Why is you lying, yo? Whenever a celebrity is brought up, you say you know them. For real, you went to school with Gabrielle Union? For real, you homeboy is Dwight Howard's step father? For real, random NFL player used to date your sister? Stop lying!!!

10. You talk to me. While I don't mind some people talking to me, you aren't one of them. We aren't friends. I don't like you. That's why I ignore you when you speak. Or pretend to be on the phone, or elongate conversations with other people so I don't have to talk to you. It's also the reason I changed my desk at work. I don't want to hear you drone on and on about stuff I don't care about.

Thursday Thirteen: What I've Been Doing In The Week Since I've Blogged.

2009-05-14T20:34:00.002-04:00

1. Getting a concussion. A mild one, but my head was hurting for 2 days. I got hit in the bumper on I 75. I’m cool. Thanks for your concern. LOL

2. Hanging out with Jameil. She came down Tuesday!!!

3. Watching inordinate amounts of Dexter. I got a couple of DVDs from Netflix, and then instead of waiting for the rest, I downloaded the rest of season 2 and 3. 24 episodes in a weekend.

4. Watching an inordinate amount of “Weeds.” After I got done with “Dexter”, I moved on to Weeds. Downloaded the 4th season of that.

5. Making excuses for not blogging. Honestly, I didn’t feel like it, so I didn’t do it. *Insertlameexcusehere*

6. Coming up with a plan to rule the world. Well, not exactly world domination, but I need to make moves. The writing is on the wall at work, and I need to have a plan.

7. Doing as much of nothing as possible at work. Between the slow times and the computer issues, a couple of days I shouldn’t even be there. It’s like a full time job not to go home early. (although I’m salaried, they take that time out of my check.)

8. Not calling people back, or not responding to emails. Umm, yeah, you all know that’s how I roll.

9. Making fun of people. Since it’s been so slow at work, this gives me lots of time for laughing and joking with the co workers. The more they talk, the more ammunition they give me for comedy. I wish I would have blogged about some of these situations, as they cracked me up.

10. Getting harassed by Aries. You saw the post last week from the old girl that I haven’t seen since 97. I got another facebook message from a different Aries who evidently neglects to see all the pictures of me and Jameil. Come on, Aries women, stop trying to get at me. LOL

11. Starting and stopping writing. I got drafts both in blogger and in my work email that I haven’t finished. At least when I finally decide to become a full time blogger, I won’t have far to go to find ideas.

12. Becoming more and more frustrated with the co workers incessant talk about losing weight. How many crazy diet ideas can you try, before you decide to bite the bullet and actually walk down that one flight of stairs. At the very least don’t talk loudly about your BMs and your colon cleansing. I don’t want to know about it.

13. Teased people to their faces... and they didn't catch on. We had a meeting the other day at work. This guy was supposed to be facilitating it, but knew nothing of what he spoke. After 5 minutes of silently mocking, I decided to "help" him. I turned on the overhead projector and found all the answers that he didn't know. I was mocking him, but he really, really thought I was helping him. Everybody cracked up, but at the end of the meeting, he stated "I'm going to look to you for help next meeting." Dog, you didn't even see that I was calling you dumb and undermining your authority. What a waste of sarcasm. LOL

A Late Thursday Thirteen: The Biggest Loser

2009-05-07T22:35:00.000-04:00

So, they are doing a Biggest Loser type thing at my job where different teams get together and try to lose weight. You may be thinking, how can Rashan possibly be in opposition to that? Well, I'll tell you. While I'm all for people getting healthy, the team names some of these people are using are just ridiculous. Keep in mind this is a WORK thing... Here are thirteen of my least favorite Biggest Loser - Work Edition Names...

Baby Phat
Brick Houses
Bringing Sexxxy Back
Don't Feed The Models
Dyme Divas
Dynomite Divas
Divas Going To Knock Off Pounds
Divine Divas
Dropping It Like It's Hot
Keepin It Real
Northside Dymes
Poundz Krushers
Thick Wit It

Why everybody gotta be a diva? LOL. They sent an email to EVERYONE in the building. All departments. All department heads. All executives. Then they proceeded to talk trash to each other...copying EVERYONE on the emails. So ridiculously unprofessional. Or maybe I'm just a hater. I've been known to do that too. LOL

The Reason It Took So Long For Me To Join Facebook

2009-05-07T03:27:00.006-04:00

Help me out with something. I need your input about something. Read the following facebook message and tell me how I should respond.

I can't believe how you have changed

May 6 at 10:59am

You have changed drastically. When you first contacted me you seemed to be enthusiastic about it. Now I ask you to call and you won't even pick up the phone. I am confused. I thought we were going to reunite and have a tight friendship again. I guess some things and some people really do change.
Please call
904-XXX XXXX

This Girl I Went To College With And Haven't Seen Since 1997

Response #1.

I'm sorry that I haven't responded immediately to your request. I thought that since I haven't seen you since college graduation, and have talked to you once in 12 years, that there was no sense of urgency. Obviously, I was mistaken. I'll be sure to contact you as soon as I wake up. Perhaps we can stay on the phone all day too. Or maybe I'll just take off of work and come to ____ and visit you. Also, thanks for reminding me that I contacted you. I was under the mistaken impression that you were the one that was looking for me for 12 years, and you were the one that found me on facebook, and that you were the one that called me 7 times in 2 days.

Response #2

Ummm... did you just send me a message about how horrible I am, and then tell me to call you? Why exactly would you want to talk to me? Why exactly would I want to talk to you if you think I'm such a cad?

Response # 3

Yeah, I changed. I hope you changed too. If you are the same person you were 12 years ago, then I think something is wrong.

Response # 4

Just so you aren't confused anymore, repeat after me: Rashan (Rashan) does NOT (does NOT) call people (call people.) If he did (If he did), you can stop repeating after me now... If he did, he would not call you. He has not talked to you in years, you and he have not been friends in years. One conversation of catching up is one conversation of catching up. It's not an invitation to be a part of Rashan's life. Facebook friends doesn't mean real life friends...

Response #5

LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU CRAZY ARIES WOMAN!!! SERIOUSLY, ARE ALL ARIES OUT OF THEIR MINDS!!!!! AND DO YOU ALL HAVE TO KNOW ME???

Response #6 (the one I'm most likely to do)

*CRICKETS*
*SILENCE*
*NO RESPONSE*

Delete message, delete as facebook friend, don't ever speak to again.

Response # 7 - A Picture is worth a thousands rejections

What do you think? Which one response should I give? Or go ahead and make one up in the comments.

Everybody's Doing It/Subconscious

2009-05-05T20:55:00.005-04:00

Everybody's doing it:

So why shouldn't I? Seems like everywhere I look, people are slacking on the blog game. I blame facebook and twitter. It's a lot easier to just write a one sentence blurb than an entire blog post. But that's not my reason for not writing. I just didn't feel like it. I had a routine that I've fallen out of, and am trying to get back, but I won't make any promises. I haven't posted in almost a week, but to be honest I haven't even really thought about it (except when Jameil is harassing me about my lack of posting.) I was even off work today, but still found other things to occupy my time. Anyway, I guess the first step to getting back in the blog routine is to actually write something, so here goes nothing...

Subconscious

The other day at work I realized that my subconscious made me do something that my conscious mind didn't realize. I admit this to you, because I just know that none of my regular readers (except Jameil) will judge me. Here goes: I realized that when having a conversation with a gay man, of which there are plenty at my job, I go out of my way to make sure that other people know I'm not gay too. This entails a subconscious deepening of the voice, putting extra distance between us, ~~grabbing the booty of the first female that walks by~~, and mentioning my girlfriend more than usual. My conscious mind doesn't care what people think of me, but subconsciously I realize that I do. That got me thinking about some other things that my subconscious makes me do. Wanna read a list? Good, cuz here is one:

Flinch: I flinch when someone touches me. It can be something as simple as tapping me on my shoulder or someone trying to hug me. I can feel myself recoiling at the prospect of unsolicited human contact.

Get Nervous When My Mom Calls: I always get shook when I see Mom Cell on my caller Id. I don't know what I expect to hear, but I always assume the worst. Like either someone died, or I forgot someones birthday, I just always get a feeling of dread.

Turn the radio/tv when I hear the name Obama: I just don't wanna hear any more criticism. I think I take it way more personally than I should. My solution is to just avoid it.

Look away: I'm a people watcher. I'm always observing some odd behavior. But when someone sees me looking, I immediately turn away. Even if my conscious mind wants them to know that I see the crazy mess they are doing, my subconscious wont let me.

Put Pen in Mouth: When I want to smoke, my pen serves as a surrogate black and mild. My addiction is pathetic, I know. Please no lectures.

Pretend to be on phone: If I'm on break and someone approaches me, I pull the phone out real quick and pretend to be on a call. Its mad obvious, and one of these days, I'm going to hurt someone's feelings, but you know what, blame it on the subconscious.

There probably are some more, but now Jameil is on the phone and we are going to watch a movie. So I'll talk to you guys later...

Lies: The Science Fair Project

2009-04-29T14:04:00.002-04:00

I was supposed to add some details to my post about lying last week. Here is one of those stories:

When I was a kid, I was a horrible student. Don’t get me wrong, I was probably one of the smartest kids in my school, but I was lazy, disorganized, and generally determined not to do homework. My natural intelligence usually got me out of any jams, but in 7th grade, the situation came to a head. *EDIT* Now that I think about it, it may have been 8th grade. I actually might be mixing 2 stories up. Dang, I’m getting old.

It was time for the annual science fair. As always, I procrastinated. I started my project with good intentions about a month before it was due, but never quite picked it up where I left off. My project was something about determining the different kinds of metals in US Coins. I know even the topic was lazy. I could look all that up in the library. But whatever, my teacher approved it, so I was on my way. I had everything I needed: triptych, stencils – so the writing would be neat, chemistry set… All I needed was to actually do the tests, and write the report. But I didn’t… When it got time for the day of the Science Fair, I had a half finished triptych, no actual testing done and a report that consisted of 3 handwritten pages with no bibliography, no conclusions and I’m pretty sure I didn’t even put my name on it. My mom didn’t really supervise my work at that point, so I was able to get out of the house without her checking it. I carried my triptych to the bus, and took the bus ride across town to DeRenne Middle School. As I sat on the bus, I was thinking, “I can’t turn this in. It would be better to get an F for not turning it in, than for turning in a sub par product.”

But then I caught a break. My homeroom teacher told us to set up our projects in the library. The bright idea hit me then. It was a lie, not a very good one, but one that I stuck to. “I put my Science Fair project in the library. I don’t know what happened after that.” As all the other kids walked to the library, I walked the other way to the dumpster. I dumped my half finished triptych in the dumpster behind the cafeteria. I then walked nervously, yet coolly to the library to join my classmates. I was a bit of a loner, so I didn’t have to really worry about people questioning me about my project.

About a week later, the teacher returned the Science Fair projects reports to our class. Kids exclaimed as they got their A’s, some winced as they got C’s, but of course, I didn’t get a paper back.

“Mrs. Spann – I didn’t get my report back”

“Well, we need to talk about that after class. I never got a science fair project from you.”

“I put it in the library.”

“Well, I never got it. We’ll need to discuss this with your parents.”

Man, I was shook. I never had any bad parent teacher conferences. Sure, I got some poor progress reports telling my mom that I needed to do my homework, but I never showed them to her. As long as my grades were good at the end of the semester, that was all she needed to know. Now, we were gonna have to meet with Mrs Spann, and there was no way I could avoid that. I decided to do a preemptive strike when I got home. I had thought about it on the bus ride home. I needed irrefutable details. The slightest deviation from the story and the lie would fail. I practiced the perfect mix of disappointment and righteous indignation. I even planned out the sad look I was gonna throw out. I was a lying machine. I know I sound like a sociopath, and I guess I was back then. Everybody lies, but not everybody would go to the lengths that I did to avoid getting in trouble.

“Mom, they lost my science fair project. I put it in the library with the rest, and now it’s gone. Mrs. Spann says I’m gonna get a zero.”

She musta knew I was running game cuz she looked skeptical. But after giving her made up details of the project including when and where I did the tests, she started believing me. It was hard to keep up the lie, but I did it. I somehow managed to not only convince my mother, but myself that I did the project. It was almost like I was telling the truth, that’s how convincing I was. So convincing that my mom had my back and got me a do over on the project. I still didn’t put my all into it and wound up getting a C, but a C is much better than a zero. LOL

I know, lying is wrong, but it worked out this time. Go ahead and scold me for lying to my mom. I think the statute of limitations has run out sometime over the last 20 years. LOL

Pandemic

2009-04-27T19:58:00.000-04:00

For real, son. I’m on the lookout for the swine flu. I don’t know how people really get it, but I’m gonna do this my way. If you nasty, I’m avoiding you. If you sneezing, I’m avoiding you. If you bring food into work, I’m avoiding both you and it. Nah, I don’t want none of your potato salad with the special swine flu sauce. I’m good on your instant death spaghetti. I don’t know about you, but I’m not trying to get dead from the sniffles. Also, don’t touch my computer. I can handle my own germs, I don’t need yours. That’s ain’t what’s hot in the ’09.Which leads me to today’s tomfoolery. I’m in the restroom washing my hands, which I tend to do compulsively when I think about pandemics. This dude walks in, goes to the urinal, then before I’m even finished washing my hands, walks straight out. Doesn’t stop at the sink for even a pretend washing, just walks straight out. I was appalled. You read stories about stuff like this happening, but when it happens to you… *holds back tears* I felt so violated. His germs were all over the place. I’m looking around like I’m on Punk’d or something. Grown men don’t do this, do they? Professional cats wash their hands, right?

So, now I’m wondering where on the door did this dude touch. Did he use the handle? Or did he click the handicap easy open button? Anywhere on the wood? I can’t touch this door. I’m like Monk. Everywhere I look I see little pathogens waiting to kill me. Why don’t I have some rubber gloves? A hazmat suit? A surgical mask? This junk could be airborne. Great, now I’m dodging imaginary viruses and bacteria surrounding me. I probably should get the heck out of this bathroom, but I can’t help but wash my hands one more time. Hopefully, I’ll avoid this flu, but just any case, does anyone have one of those radiation scrubbing things? I didn’t know where the germs were, so I just kicked open the door. Luckily, it opens automatically once it cracks, so I didn’t have to touch anything.

I swear to God, when I see that dude again, I’m gonna find out who he is, and I’m a totally tell everybody that he’s nasty. I’m gonna paint a scarlet SF (for swine flu, duh!) on his suit. I’m gonna spray Lysol on that cat. It’s gonna be on!!! Or more likely, I’ll just head in the other direction for fear that his non hands washing self might be emanating staph infections and swine flu. Even if he ain’t sick, that’s pretty nasty. How you gonna handle your junk and not wash your hands. Nasty Bastid!!!

10 Years Ago

2009-04-24T20:40:00.002-04:00

Ten years ago today, I stopped smoking weed. I know most people don't remember the exact day, but I'll never forget. I made a vow to stop and I (with the exception of 2 slip ups) stuck to it. Weed was fun, but it also got me into some situations I shouldn't be in. I originally was gonna just repost an entry from my old blog, but there were way too many stories that involved weed. Before I moved to Atlanta, I was a weekend weedhead. I was never that type that had to smoke everyday, but you best believe on the weekend, it was on. But I'm good now. I still think it should be legal, but thats another post. I don't miss weed, but every now and then, I wonder what it would be like now. I should celebrate my 10 year anniversary with a Philly. LOL

Anyway, if you are bored over the weekend, or just want to know some more about young and crazy Rashan, check out these posts from my old blog. There's probably more cursing than I do here, so be warned. Also, if you see me refer to myself as T. or Terrance, that was my old blog name. If you comment, please comment here, cuz I will not be checking the old blog. Otherwise, I'll be back Monday with a new post.

So High I Could Kiss The Sky

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Thursday Thirteen: 13 Lies I've Told

2009-04-23T14:24:00.002-04:00

Let me know if you want additional details or a post about any of these.

13 Lies I've Told:

1. Convinced my mom (and myself) that I actually did my science fair project in 7th grade.

2. Told people I was in the Whodini video for “The Freaks Come Out At Night”

3. Convinced stalker ex girlfriend that I was married.

4. Told Bear I didn’t know who robbed him. (Two guesses who it was? LOL)

5. Yeah, I’ll be there at 10 O’ Clock (and then just don’t show up.)

6. I was home all night. Nope, I didn’t go anywhere.

7. No, I didn’t see you. You were there too? Wow, we should have hung out!

8. I’ve never seen that girl outside of work. You know co workers are off limits.

9. No, I wasn’t paying attention. What did she look like?

10. I emailed you that report last night. It must have gotten caught up in my Outlook. I’ll resend it right away.

11. I left my last job as a result of lay offs.

12. Convinced myself that my first fake girlfriend was actually real. (Not like a imaginary friend. I made the story up and forgot it wasn’t true.)

13. I really liked your CD. My favorite song? Uhhh – track 5?

Another Edition Of Rashan Decides To Be A Jerk

2009-04-22T13:47:00.003-04:00

So, I’m on break yesterday when I decided to be a big fat jerk. The situation is as follows. This guy I kinda know came outside looking for someone. Then he decided to involve me. The following conversation ensued. He started it off...

“What’s up man!”

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing much, I’m supposed to meet someone out here.”

“Okay”

“Did you see anyone out here?”

“There were a few people out here. Who are you looking for?”

“I’m supposed to meet someone out here.”

“So you said…”

I leave it alone. He obviously doesn’t want to talk about it. He looks around some more, looking really suspicious and impatient.

“Man, where is she?”

“Who?”

“The person I’m supposed to meet.”

He was being mad cryptic, and it was annoying. If you don’t want to talk about it, then don’t bring it up. And that’s when I decided to be a jerk…

“Why are you being so cryptic? You on some corporate espionage stuff? Are you looking for your weed dealer or something?”

He laughs.

“You get set up on a blind date at work?”

He laughs again..

“Ugly girl? Or better yet, it’s a dude, isn’t it?

More laughter…

“I just don’t know what she looks like. It’s not a date. I’m supposed to give her something.”

“You mean ‘him’? You gonna give it to him?”

No laughter…

“Too far?”

“Yeah, a little bit…”

This post has no ending. He just left after that and I laughed at my jerkitude. I guess that’s one way to get people to leave me alone.

Ten Things I Don't Understand

2009-04-21T13:20:00.001-04:00

I’m sure I’ve written about this previously, but I don’t feel like looking for the link. Here are some things I currently don’t understand.

1. Why people talk with their hands while there on the phone. The person can’t see you. No need for the gesticulation. She can’t see you flipping her off or pointing wildly in the air.

2. Why sidewalks have cracks. I’m not talking about the wear and tear cracks, but the intentional cracks that grass and bugs come out of. I know this one makes no sense, but I was thinking about it, so I decided to type it.

3. Why men dye their hair. Nothing is crazier than seeing a dark skinned dude with light brown hair. Cut that stuff out.

4. Why men wear colored contacts. *insert own smart comment here*

5. Why I am scared of bees. Not the ones that sting, but those big bumble bee types that don’t even have stingers. They can’t sting me, so why do I jump every time I see one flying near me?

6. Why people actually want to see that new Beyonce movie. The previews make it look horrible. Then again, most people like Tyler Perry too, which I NEVER have understood.

7. The correlation between oil prices and gas prices. Jameil explained it to me a while ago, but I forgot.

8. Why people think they know who is going to win the Super Bowl, NBA Championship, World Series etc, before the season starts. Anything can happen. People can get hurt, or arrested or just have a bad year. I understand making a prediction, but arguing people down about something that hasn’t happened yet seems like a waste of time.

9. Why I listen to Sports Radio. See above for reasons I shouldn’t. It annoys me to no end, so why do I subject myself to it voluntarily?

10. The inspirational quote of the day. Every day at work we get a quote. Most of them are from people that I’ve never heard of. How is that supposed to inspire me? What makes them worthy of being quoted? Or it’ll come from an unknown source? Basically, what that means to me is that you made up that quote. Or even worse… whenever the quote of the day comes from a black person, they’ll say… African American poet, or African American actor. True story… The quote of the day last week was from Steve Harvey…African American actor/comedian. For real? The quote of the day is from Steve Hightower? What’s next, Piggy gonna be our CEO? And wait??? Steve Harvey is black??? I had no idea, and further more, how is that relevant?

That last one should have been a post in itself... Oh well, I'll stop now before this turns into a Thursday Thirteen.

Whole Bunch of Nothing

2009-04-20T03:53:00.003-04:00

That's what I did this weekend. I only left my crib for about 10 minutes to get something to drink. Other than that, I was plopped down on the couch watching tons of tv, talking on the phone or eating the food I cooked. When I got off work Friday night, I went to the grocery store so I wouldn't have to go out to get anything to eat this weekend. Saturday, I made turkey burgers and nachos (not to eat together, but because I have to be in the mood to actually cook, and who knows when that will strike again.) Then I proceeded to watch 18 out of 20 episodes of Battlestar Galactica season 2, both on dvd and online. I had to tell you what I was watching because Jameil thinks it weird. I promise I'm not a sci fi nerd, but that show is really, really good. Besides, I don't think its any stranger than her goal of watching 750 movies in this year. I also watched 5 episodes of Rome on HBO On Demand, and a few episodes of 30 Rock on the computer. Then Sunday night, I watched a couple of movies with Jameil over the phone.

Yep, I sat around all weekend. Did not a thing. For most people that would be boring, but not me. I enjoy my nothing weekends when I have no demands on my time, or nothing to worry about. But alas, its over. Today, its back to the grind. Clients, and coworkers, and management demands. My company reports its first quarter earnings today, so hopefully that'll go well. Our CEO already has a town hall meeting scheduled for all the employees. Its hard to tell if this will be a celebratory propaganda meeting or a reassuring propaganda session in the face of bad numbers. Either way, I'm ready for the propanda. Let's hope for the best.

Hope everybody has a productive Monday. Talk to you all later.

I Want A Divorce

2009-04-15T03:00:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking lately that I need a divorce from rap music. Not hip hop, although its becoming increasingly difficult to find the distinction nowadays. I never thought I would be that guy. You know the one that waxes philosophic about the good old days, I have to admit that I am. I've always had an appreciation for the music I grew up with, but I used to be able to keep an open mind about new stuff. Whereas, I would rather listen to Rakim, I could still appreciate T.I.'s music. Or, Nas has been my favorite, but that wouldn't preclude me from listening to Ludacris. To me, it wasn't as good as the music I grew up with, but I still liked it. Maybe I couldn't listen to an entire Fabolous album all the way through like I did with Das Efx, but it still had its moments.

But lately, rap sucks. If you can even call it rap anymore. There are too many adolescents copying each other's wack styles, using wack similes, rapping over wack beats, exhibiting total and utter wackness. Its not the subject matter to me. One thing that hasn't changed about me is that I don't care what you rap about, as long as you have a good flow and some clever lyrics. I mean, I listened to NWA talk about murdering dudes and selling drugs and causing general mayhem. Stuff that was far from my reality, but it sounded good so I dug it. Don't get me started on Jay-Z's materialism and drug smuggling rhymes. I don't know nothing about that, but he had a flow that was amazing and his rhymes weren't just run of the mill. I know this was a serious digression, but I just want you to know that I haven't grown into a prude in my old age. I will still rock some old gangsta stuff. Just gangsta stuff from the 90's.

I turn on the radio and I hear, for lack of a better word, garbage. And I'm aware that there has always been garbage on the radio, and will always be garbage on the radio. It never used to bother me. In fact, I would take pride in the fact that I hated that garbage. The only difference between now and then, is that I used to have an alternative. I could watch Rap City and Yo! MTV Raps and hear stuff that didn't get played on the radio. Hell, I could even turn on Hits From The Street, or Miss Cita's World and hear some non radio songs. I bought albums nobody ever heard of (for instance, I had that Jay-Z Reasonable Doubt album before anybody in my city even really knew who he was.) I can't tell you the last time I bought an album. (Actually, I can. It was Kanye's Graduation album) With the exception of a few cats out, I'm just not moved by any of the new music, underground or commercial.

So, yeah, I digressed majorly. The point of the post was to say, I want a divorce from the rap game. I don't care about all the fake beef, I don't care about people that can't seperate their real lives from their rap lives. I don't care about these ringtone rappers. I don't care about people that rap about the same thing people been rapping about for 20 years, and can't find a new way to say anything. I don't care about these rappers that don't even enuciate enough for you to realize that what they are saying doesn't really rhyme. I don't care about these rappers with no craft, no talent, no intelligence, no other word in their vocabulary besides swagger. I just don't care. I want a divorce from rap. If you need me, I'll be laid up in the cut listening to some neo soul or my Boogie Down Productions CD from 1988.

The Hook Up

2009-04-14T01:22:00.003-04:00

Remember when you were in high school and where ever you went, you'd get the hook up? Go to Burger King and that girl that thinks you are cute gives you an order of free fries. Or order a small cone at Dairy Queen, and your homeboy makes it a large with two scoops? Or that loser in your gym glass gave you free filet o fishes at Mickey D's so you wouldn't beat him up the next day? Or go to Chik Fil A, no... wait, I couldn't ever get the hook up at Chik Fil A. It's like they count the nuggets by hand or something. Anyway, the point is, as you get older, its harder and harder to get a hook up. For real, hopefully your friends aren't still working in fast food, and if they are, one would hope they are the manager...

This weekend, however, the hookup came out in full effect. Jameil and I went to this restaurant in Gainesville. I wont put the name because of what happened that night. It was pretty empty, but a nice atmosphere. It was a tapas type place, so we ordered a bunch of different tastes and a couple of drinks. The waiter at first seemed like it was his first day or something. He didn't really know too much about the menu, and didn't even know about the drinks on the menu. It was still cool, though. The food was banging...I'm sure Jam will tell you about it on her blog. My first drink.. a tanqueray and tonic was okay, but not real strong. When it came time for the second drink, the waiter asked if I wanted another one. He said he would make it himself because "they act like they don't know how to make strong drinks." That was cool with me. When I got the drink, it was like 97.3% Tanq, and 2.7% tonic. That's what I'm talking about.

That was the first hook up, but when it came time for the check, I was shocked. This dude didn't put any of the 4 drinks we had on the bill. And one of the dishes wasn't on the check either. Dinner and drinks for two for $33!!! I gave him a nice tip and bounced before he could change his mind. Yo, I got the hook up for the first time in years. It made me remember those good old days when you could get something from nothing. I wonder if this can be the start of a new trend. Can grown people get the hook up? Like can you go to your doctor for a physical and get a prostate exam for free? I'm saying.. buy one house get a foreclosed property for the free? (My blog OCD wants me to come up with a third example, but I can't think of anything...) I don't know, but anyone wanna give me the hookup, just let me know. I'll be cool and I won't snitch. LOL

Snap Out Of It

2009-04-08T09:50:00.004-04:00

I'm feeling annoyed for no good reason. I can't figure it out. I was off work yesterday, and instead of enjoying the solitude like I usually do, I just found myself restless. What I thought was the cause of my annoyance, as I thought about it, was only a secondary cause. I was feeling annoyed since I woke up yesterday morning. Whatever the cause, I need to snap out of it. I can't stand feeing annoyed with the world. It causes me to say stuff that hurts peoples feelings or just avoiding people altogether. This doesn't happen often, but I usually have some things I can do to get rid of this blah feeling.

Step One: Sleep - I tried this last night. I went to bed at a decent hour, but found myself waking up annoyed every couple of hours. Usually, I can go right back to sleep, but it wasn't working last night. Every little thing woke me up. The dog across the way that barks incessantly that I can usually tune out, the train whistle that I never hear when I'm sleep, the sirens emanating from the fire station that's close to me. Last night, I heard all of those things. Sleep didn't work, so let's move to step two.

Step Two: Long Hot Shower - Something about the hot water soothes me. I did this today before going to work. We'll see how it goes. I felt great while in the shower, but as soon as got dressed to leave, that old familiar annoyance came back.

Step Three: Talib Kweli's "Get By" - Something about this song gets me going when I'm not feeling it. It's one of my artificial hypeners (yes, i know that's not a word.) If that doesn't work, then I can move on to Raekwon's "Glaciers of Ice." One of these should get me pumped up to face the day at work. If not, then I just have to fake it at work today.

Step Four: Don't Talk To Anyone -If all else fails, I just have to go solo today. No team building. No laughing and joking with the co workers. Just me and my computer and my work. Conversations that I usually find funny will just annoy me when I'm in this mindstate. People will seem infinitely dumber than they usually do.

I sure hope these work. I usually don't feel blah for more than 24 hours and hopefully the trend will continue and I can go back to being the easygoing, funloving, jokecracking dude you all know and love. I'm just saying though, there better not be no traffic today. I don't wanna have road rage today. I'm already annoyed enough at little things. I need to snap out of it.

Overheard at Work

2009-04-07T14:22:00.002-04:00

Conversation 1

Lesbian Co-Worker: GOD I HATE MEN!!!

Rashan: We hate you too! LOL

Lesbian Co-Worker: Not you, Rashan. You and Al (another co worker) are cool. In fact, you are the only men besides my daddy I like.

Rashan: Wow.

Lesbian Co-Worker: Oh, and Lebron James. You, Al, and Lebron. I hate the rest of them mutha...

Conversation 2:

Rashan: Aiight, y'all. I'm outta here. Good Night.

Co-Worker: You need to stop being so mean.

Rashan: What is you talking about?

Co-Worker: Stop being so mean and you'll find you a good woman.

Rashan: I got one, for about 8 months now.

Co-Worker: See, I know your type. You like pushing people away.

Rashan: Yeah, but it doesn't seem to be working now.

Conversation 3:

Redneck Electrician: Yeah, boy. I tell you my woman dragged me to yoga class.

Black Electrician: Yoga?

Redneck: Yeah, I tell you what. That's not a place that you wanna be with your women.

Black: Why not?

Redneck: There some fine lil honeys bending over and contorting. You cain't help but look.

Black: (laughs)

Redneck: I wanted to do some of them girls downward doggie-style...

Oh, and I forgot to tell you April Fools. LOL!

Sports and Race: If Jay Cutler Was Black

2009-04-03T18:34:00.002-04:00

Sorry, Non- Sports Fans, but I had to rant about this. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, google Jay Cutler. He’s an NFL quarterback

If Jay Cutler, he wouldn’t get the benefit of the doubt like he currently is receiving. There wouldn’t be throngs of teams clamoring to trade for him. Teams would avoid him, sports radio would vilify him, fans would shun him. Not real fans, but those that expect their athletes to be perfect, instead of people. They’d spout venom about his immaturity and tell America that he’s exhibiting prima donna behavior. They’d suggest that he’s a distraction that needs to be fined, suspended, cut from the team. There wouldn’t even be a discussion about who’s right or wrong. The team is more important than one player. They need to make an example out of him. Be harsh with him and the rest of the league will understand that conduct detrimental to the team will not be tolerated. You can’t stand for that. No player is bigger than the team. No player can be allowed to show up his coach like that. No player can just not return the owner’s phone calls. He’d be considered a cancer, America’s favorite word to describe black athletes.

But he’s not black. So he gets exactly what he wanted. He doesn’t have to pay any fines. He's not suspended. He gets to leave the team that he’s under contract to. He gets the benefit of the doubt from the sports public. I’m not saying this situation is racism (at least not deliberate racism), but there definitely is a double standard at work. If you wanna take race out of it, call this post… If Jay Cutler was Terrell Owens…or If Jay Cutler was Allen Iverson… or If Jay Cutler was Manny Ramirez… Basically, any man of color can’t assert himself like Jay Cutler did and get away with it with his reputation unscathed.

Thursday Thirteen: Things I Do NOT Want At My Wedding.

2009-04-02T02:44:00.000-04:00

Thirteen Things I DON'T Want At My Wedding

1. Electric Slide - Or bus stop, or cha cha slide, or whatever new "I'm doing the same organized dance as the other 200 people on the dance floor" dance that's out. I know its a black tradition to throw on the Earth Wind & Fire and sliiiiiide to the left, but that's verbotten at my wedding.

2. Visible tattoos - I was in my cousins wedding and all the bridesmaids, in addition to looking like strippers, had these hideous prison tatts showing on their bare arms and backs. I'm not trying to see a tattoo of your baby daddy who got shot in 04 in my wedding pictures.

3 White Tux - Having worn a white tux in both my aforementioned cousin's and my mother's wedding, I can categorically say that I do NOT look good in a white tux, therefore there will be no white tuxedos in my wedding. *Sidenote* my cousin tricked me into the white tux thing. I got measured in a black tux, and then when I went to pick it up in Dallas, it was white. I was heated, yo!

4 Trendy hairstyles - Let's keep it classy and timeless. (I sound like Puffy.) I don't want my groomsmen rocking cornrows or a fauxhawk. And I don't want the latest ghetto bright hair color for the bridesmaids. Again, these wedding pictures are gonna last a lifetime. Let's try to think about the future.

5. Long sermon - I don't want the officiant to use my wedding as practice for Sunday's sermon. Keep it short and sweet. We can have communion another time.

6. Candles - If I'm gonna be up in a hot church in a monkey suit, last thing I need is more heat radiating and making me hot. I'm a sweater by nature, and I just might be nervous, so let's just pass on the extra open flames. (I've been talked into the Unity Candle - but candles as decoration are out)

7. Exes - Yeah, they can't come. No matter how cool we are, they just gonna have to miss out on this event. I can just see one of my old stalkers showing up trying to object to my impending nuptials. Pass on that.

8. Pinning Money - I think its tacky to pin money on the bride. Plus, I don't really want no one getting that close to her bosoms like that. Bad enough people gonna be hugging and kissing on her all day. LOL - We can do this Godfather style, just hand me an envelope stuffed with cash and we are all good.

9. Cake Fights - I don't like the whole smashing cake in the face thing. I know people get a kick out of it, but shove some cake in my face and see what happens. Nothing? Okay, so I'm all talk, but let me shove cake in Jameil's face and see what happens. LOL.

10. A Mean Wedding Coordinator - I don't want to plan my whole wedding. In fact, I'd like to just show up and say I do. But, I can't take people talking to me all kind of way. I know that the coordinator has a high stress job, but I tend to do the opposite of what I'm ordered to do. They need to watch how they talk to me.

11. A Huge Wedding Party - Some weddings are just too big. You really gotta have all 9 members of Wu-Tang as your groomsman. Do you really need every girl that went to summer camp with you as bridesmaids? And the kids? I love the kids. Kids are cute. But there needs to be a limit to the number of kids you have in your wedding. Not all kids can handle it. You may need to break out the American Idol style tryouts to whittle the list down.

12. No Wedding Crashers - You wanna come? R.S.V.P. I'm thinking that I might need to have bouncers and a velvet rope. You ain't gonna mess up my seating arrangement.

13. Coonin' - No pimpin' down the aisle. No flashing grills. No canes. No oversized T Pain top hats. No Stanky leggin'. None of that ghetto stuff. Be hip hop on your own time.

Internal Monologue

2009-04-01T10:00:00.000-04:00

1 AM:

What am I waiting for? I love her. I need her. I can't stand being away from her. When I'm not with her, she's all I think about. We are perfect together. Everybody says it. Her mom likes me. My mom likes her. I think I've done okay with her friends. I don't have any friends so that's not an issue. We talked about it. Said we would wait for a least a year before we got engaged. But, I don't want to wait. I want her in my life forever. I want her to have my kids. I want two, she wants three, but we can work that out later. The first step is to do this.

3 AM:

I'm really gonna do this. I can't wait any longer. If I leave now, I can be there by 8. I know she'll be surprised. She better be surprised. She doesn't know about the ring. The only secret I've been able to keep from her.

5 AM:

What am I doing? I'm not spontaneous like this. I wanted to plan out something elaborate. I should just turn around and go home. What if she says no? Man, I didn't think about that. What if she says no???

8 AM:

I gotta do it. I've never felt like this before. She is my future, my love, my forever... Let's do this...

9 AM:

She said YES!!!

Segregation

2009-03-31T10:44:00.000-04:00

I'm here to tell you that segregation is alive and well. At least it is at my job. I guess it always has been, but I took break at a different time yesterday, with people I don't know, and realized how much birds of a feather truly flocked together. And its not just race, although that is a big factor as well. Here are some of the cliques I noticed...

The Black Group - You'll conversations about For The Love of Ray J, Beyonce and 'em.

The White Group - Usually talking in hushed tones about Obama or Bill O'Reilly. They are out numbered, so they usually huddle together when the topic is controversial.

The Asians - Talking about computers or something.

The Latinos- Don't really know what they are talking about because they alternate between English and Spanish.

Samoans - Do the Humpty Hump.. Do the Humpty Hump... (Just kidding, their aren't any Samoans, but do you remember in that song when randomly bust out with Samoans? Ridiculous..)

Then it breaks down even further....

The Black Hot Girls - These are the ones wearing the tight jeans and heels in the summer, or the tight jeans and furry boots in the winter. They always got their hair done and are talking on the phone or to each other about going out to some club where a celebrity is gonna be.

The Dominican Hot Girls - Always seem angry. Always for some reason sound like they are from New York. Can be heard cursing some one out in English and Spanish loudly. Quick to call the person they are talking to on the phone "stoooopid."

The Black Gay Guys - They sound like a walking stereotype. Many "giirrrrls" and lispy talking about American Idol.

The Black Straight Guys - Sports, Women, Music all day, every day.

The Seth Rogan White Guys - They look like the guy from Knocked Up with the scruffy beard, slacker look. Talking about electronics and World of Warcraft. They are sarcastically funny and never cease to crack me up with their strange sense of humor.

The Mom Jeans group -Talk about their mini vans, or home improvement shows or something that their kid did at school.

The Real Lesbians - look like a guy, talk like a guy, dress like a guy. talk about girls booties.

The Fake Lesbians - look like a girl, talk like a girl, dress like a girl. like girls (most of the time).

The Big Girls - for some reason they all hang out together.

The Storytellers - doesn't matter what race they are, they all hang out together. In the course of 15 minutes you can hear them competing to see who has the most outrageous story. I don't think they even listen to each other, just waiting for a lull to start talking.

The Black White Girls - always talking about how fly Rashan is. How can they get Rashan? Why wont Rashan talk to me? LOL

The Rashan - always by himself. Either on the phone or got the iPod playing. People from all groups talk to him, especially when he doesn't want to hear what they have to say allowing him to notice and document the many different segregated groups at work. Wants to be segregated, but they wont let him. LOL

Is your workplace segregated? What are some of the groups you see at your job?

5 Days

2009-03-30T05:00:00.002-04:00

5 Days of blogging? It used to be nothing to me, but I think its been months since I did it. Well, this week, I'm going back to my roots. I'm gonna blog M-F. I promise. Wait, I don't promise, because something could happen but I'm gonna do my darnedest. I even got some stuff in my drafts to help me through. Is that cheating? Not sure, but I am sure that I don't care. This ain't no competition. If it is, then it's solely in my head. Nobody is out there competing with me. At least, I don't think they are. Are you? Are you getting satisfaction from my lack of blogging. Do you think you can beat me? Is that a challenge? Oh, it's like that? Okay, it's on...

Well, obviously you can tell, I'm feeling silly right now. And I know this was a lackluster first post, but I'll do better during the week. I just got in from Gainesville, and the other day, I drove to Savannah, before driving to Gainesville. I've been in the car way too much this weekend to come up with a good post right now. So, I'll call it a night, and write something better tomorrow.

PS - Anybody doing good in their NCAA brackets? I'm done. I suck. Memphis and Duke were supposed to play for the title. The only final four team I picked correctly was UConn. And my favorite team Syracuse is out. I'm ready for football season now. LOL

Kids and Cars

2009-03-25T01:35:00.004-04:00

I need to have some kids. If I do, then my mom will give me a car. I know that sounds like a terrible reason for procreating, but it's true. In my family, if you have children, you'll get a car. My mom loves her grandchildren, and will do anything for them. But those of us without kids....

It started with my sister. Maybe about 5 years ago, something or other happened to her car. What happens? My mom and her husband gave her one of their cars. A couple of years ago, my brother and his wife needed another car. What happens? They give them one of their cars. One of my mom's husbands daughters is driving their old (well, used, but not old) van. She got kids too. Last week, My mom's husbands ex son in law, who has custody of his kids, gets another one of their extra cars after the funeral. (Not to mention, the 300Z that he was restoring for their 8 year old that's in storage now.) I know it seems like they have cars for days. It seems like that to me too. I just can't get one of them, because I don't have any seeds.

I'd like a free vehicle. Do I have to impregnate somebody in order to get one? I mean shouldn't I be rewarded for not adding to the overpopulation of the world? Just because I didn't borrow somebody's uterus for about 9 and a half months, does that mean that I have to pay for my own car? I mean, I always wanted to be married before I had kids, but for the right car I can have a bastard or two. LOL

The Savannah Drafts...

2009-03-20T00:28:00.003-04:00

I've been in Savannah since Sunday night with my family. As you read, my mom's husband passed away, and I've been helping out with arrangements and stuff like proofreading and rewriting obituaries, cleaning out the garage, playing with kids, and just serving as general interference for the crazy that accompanies funerals. Lots of stuff has happened, but I havent had the time or energy to write about it all. Well, I started a few, but never finished them. Here are a few incomplete posts from this week.

Going Green... (Tuesday)

Savannah is crazy for St Patrick's Day. I think they have the worlds second biggest parade after New York. Every thing is green here: Green beer, green grits, green water in the fountains, hideous green blazers on the news anchors. Even the local newspaper went green. As in it was printed on green paper. If I hear one more thing about a leprachaun or pinches for not wearing green, I'm gonna lose it... (That's as far as I got. I was gonna tell a story about how I used to pick peoples pockets at the St Patrick's Day Parade or how when I was 8 I found out I had some Irish in me, so I had a Shamrock pinned on my jacket.)

The Savannah High Doppelganger (Wednesday)

Remember a couple of weeks ago when I wrote about how I have a twin in Atlanta, that people seem to know, but can't remember his name. Well, apparently I have one in Savannah as well. I went to get my haircut today, and deliberately went to a shop that I've never been too. I wasn't in the mood for a reminiscing session. Anyway, as I'm sitting in the chair, one of the barbers asks me: "Did you go to THE High?" (THE High = Savannah High School.) I didn't, and I informed him that I didn't. You know the next question out of his mouth... "Are you sure?" I didn't even say anything. Then he remembers more about this person he thought I was. "Yeah, you kin to that cop that comes in the shop." No, that's not me. I don't have any police in my family. I think I would know what high school I went to, and if one of my relatives was 5-0. (That's as far as I got...)

You Know What I Don't Care About??? (Wednesday)

...your church. I don't care that you want to talk at the funeral, but have to clear it with your pastor first. Just do it. I'm not gonna make any donations, just to get you on the program. If you feel like you have something to add, then do it, but don't try to extort any loot. That's not only distasteful, its revealing that you have an overly inflated sense of worth. One monkey don't stop no show. Be out for all I care... Also, I'm not gonna mention the name of church next to your name on the program. Let's do that at your funeral. When you die, we'll shout out the name of church. Why do you think that is part of your title. Like Pastor Jenkins ain't enough, I got to call you Pastor Jenkins of the Mount Ebeneezer African Baptist Church of God and Jesus in Calvary... (Then I stopped because I was getting worked up and was about to be ugly to the church going folk.)

Thanks, No Hugs Please (Thursday)

Yo, one of the worst things about funerals is all the hugging. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind my mom and my grandma hugging me, but all these extraneous people that I don't know trying to embrace me??? You can have that. I'm just not one for strangers and virtual strangers touching me. (You know what.. I think I'll finish this one. I have some funny sarcastic comments and stories to tell on this one...)

He's Gone

2009-03-13T09:09:00.002-04:00

That's the text message I received at 4:59 PM yesterday informing me that my mother's husband had died. He'd been in the hospital for close to a month, and it was expected, but that didn't make it any easier hearing my mom cry. I don't really have anything to say, except I'll be going to Savannah this weekend to help out. Talk to you some time next week...

I Used To...

2009-03-10T01:46:00.003-04:00

Want to live in Atlanta. Just something about having the 404 area code and actually having ATL in my address instead of Smyrna or Decatur seemed cool. Like it would make me a true Atlien... Yeah, scratch that. I don't like the city. I mean it's a nice place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there. Let's put aside my proclivity for getting lost whenever I'm in the city, which really can't be put aside since it happens all the time. I don't want to live in the city, because its mad unsavory characters hanging around. Crackheads, beggars, homeless people. You name it and I've seen them over the last couple of days hanging out downtown.

It amazes me how close the riff raff is to the nice stuff. Like you'll have condos in gated communities with panhandlers hanging outside. Or you'll drive next to a skyscraper for a financial giant and see a bunch of homeless guys on the street. Or you'll be in a public park where people take their children to play, and see people cracked out. Yeah, I'm good on living in the city. Call me bourgousie, I don't too much care. I'm not trying to live somewhere where I can be robbed stepping out of my apartment.

The final straw was tonight. I was picking up Jameil from her friends crib downtown. On the way home, I saw a woman in a wheelchair, with no legs, wheel herself into the middle of the street and ask for cars for change. The light turned green, but she was still in the middle of the street between two lanes of traffic. It was mad dangerous. I looked up at the Atlanta skyline and realized, this ain't for me. I don't have that much change to spare. I'll take the suburbs any day. At least where I live, the only cats begging are at the gas station, and now that gas is under $2 I don't see that too much anymore.

Red, Black & Green

2009-03-05T14:04:00.000-05:00

Red Black and Green:

They used to be my favorite combination of colors. I had a hat in those colors. I rocked an Africa Medallion with those colors. They symbolized Africa to an African-American. The Red’s for the blood, and the black’s for the man, the green is the color that stands for the land. That was in some song I used to love, I think it was the Jungle Brothers, but if I stop to figure it out, I’ll get sidetracked and not finish this post. Red, Black and Green were the colors of the African National Congress. Free Mandela and all that. It was to me as much of a political statement as it was a fashion statement. But like most fashion statements, it went out of style.

I blame Cross Colours. Everybody, their mama, and their illegitimate play cousin used to rock these. This was the first readily accessible hip hop gear. No matter where you lived in the country, you could get that style. The clothes were baggy, and when they first came out, they had my favorite colors. Red, Black and Green. They eventually moved on to other hideous combinations of colors, but my favorite of course were the Red, Black and Green. I never actually had any, but I sure wanted some. That was of course before everybody started wearing them. It went from just the hip hop kids and the conscious kids, to the preppy kids that watched Yo! MTV raps and thought they were down and the weird stoner kids that smoked weed in the parking lot between classes. People started making imitation Cross Colours and before you knew it, them joints got played out pretty quickly and along with it, the Red, Black and Green.

I say all that to say this…

This dude down the way from me is wearing a Cross Colours shirt. It’s Red on the left, Green on the right, with a BOLD Black stripe down the middle. Where da heck did he find that shirt in the 2000’s. Gotta be Burlington Coat Factory or some corner shop in the city. Why, oh why don’t I carry my camera with me at all times???

The Tri-Cities Doppelganger

2009-03-03T19:48:00.004-05:00

Apparently I have a doppelganger somewhere in Atlanta. People keep asking me if I went to Tri-Cities High School. Yeah, I didn't. The thing that bugs me the most, is that dumb question that follows: Are You Sure???. Of course, I'm sure. Like I don't know where I went to school. Or if I decided to lie about it, then why would I change my answer just because you asked a second time. The first time I noticed this was this girl at my job. I noticed she was staring at me, but not in that normal "Rashan, I want you" kinda way. LOL. Anyway, I had no idea who she was, but finally after a few days, she decided to speak. This was over a year ago.

"Did you go to Tri Cities?"

"Nah, I didn't go to school up here."

"Are you sure?"

See, that stupid question. I was pleasant about it, but she asked me several more times over the coming months. Apparently, I look just like him. I mean, obviously I wasn't who she was looking for unless I changed my name, or if she never knew that guys name either. A few months later, somebody else asked. This time a guy at the office:

"Ay, dawg. You look real familiar. Did you go to Tri-Cities?"

"Nah."

"You sure?"

Son, come on! I just told you that I didn't go there. I went to school in Savannah. I don't know who this dude is, and whether he owes you money, but I'm not him. Could you please stop looking at me? Again, I'm wearing a name tag. Is Rashan Jamal that dude's name? No, then I guess you can stop giving me that skeptical look.

Then today: I'm getting my hair cut at this barber shop that I've never been to. I'm sitting there getting my hair when the barber asks me.

"You mind me asking where you from?"

"I'm from Savannah."

"Oh, cuz I was about to say, you look just like this n*gga I went to Tri Cities with."

"Nah, wasn't me."

"You sure, my n*gga? That cat, I can't remember his name, but he had that good hair like you."

"Yeah, man pretty sure it wasn't me."

For real, I wonder who this nameless dude is and why these people who are at least 5 years younger than me think I'm him. Apparently, they know him, but they can't remember his name and he must look an awful lot like me. To be honest, I don't even know where Tri-Cities High School is. The only reason I know what it is from an Outkast song. I didn't grow up in Atlanta, didn't move here until I was 25, and I don't know these people. I only hope that my doppelganger doesn't go committing any crimes and send the police my way. Seems like it would be hard to convince them that I'm not him...

It's Snowing In The A!!!

2009-03-01T13:11:00.003-05:00

Real snow too. I would show it to you, but my dumb behind bought the wrong size batteries and I'm not going back out on the roads today. My little jaunt to Subway and CVS was enough driving for me. The roads are slushy, but drivable. People just were either driving way too fast or way too slow. An accident waiting to happen. So yeah, no pictures of the snow, so you'll just have to believe me when I say, we got some real snow. Perhaps we can have a snow day tomorrow and I can stay home from work. Doubtful, but I didn't think it would actually snow either, so I'll just keep my fingers crossed. I got food, and internet and TV, and a phone, so I'm all good chillin in the house for a day or three. LOL

Okay, off to go throw some snowballs at passing motorists like we used to do when I was a kid. Holla at you later.

Conversation With Mom

2009-02-27T02:50:00.005-05:00

"How's Jameil?"

"She's good."

"You guys are hanging in there, huh?"

"Yeah, 7 months."

"Wow, that's good for you. I'm glad you finally have someone that's on your level."

"Yeah."

"I'm glad she's not like all those other girls that used to follow after you."

*laughs*

"She seems like she's not the type to just give you your way all the time."

"Yeah, you could say that."

"Well, I'm happy for you. You guys are cute together. I saw that picture on Facebook."

"Thanks."

"Tell her I said hello."

"Will do."

Operation: Outdo My Mom*

2009-02-25T02:53:00.000-05:00

Yo, my moms is 60 years old. She got all kind of stuff I don't have. She got a blackberry. She got a Wii. She got GPS. She got kids. She got just about every modern thing that you can think of. But one thing I will NOT let her have is more Facebook friends than me.

Right now, it's close. I only got her by 5. Now, I could do the thing where I just ask anybody to be my friend, but I'm not gonna do that. Or I could look up old girlfriends and people that I went to school with, but I'm not gonna do that either. My anti social tendencies, however, are making me dangerously close to losing to my mom on the facebook joint. My nephew already has way more friends than me, but I can take that. He's from the internet generation. But my mom? For real? (Can I just tell you how much I was trippin when she sent me a friend invite? I was like, great, guess I have to watch what I say now. Good thing she don't know about my blog. LOL.) I admit, I only joined the book so I could look at people's pictures and make snarky comments about them, but now I kinda like it. But what's important right now, is that I have more Facebook friends than my mother....

So, if any of you bloggers are on the book and are looking to boost your numbers, look me up visionz74@yahoo.com. Or just search Rashan Jamal and I'll be the first choice to pop up. You'll see my picture. I promise *fingers crossed* not to make snarky comments about your pictures. Also, don't be alarmed if I don't respond right away. I may not recognize you and will have to make sure you ain't one of my old stalkers trying to rekindle a friendship that existed only in their minds. LOL

Come on, help me outdo my mother... Please?!?!?*

*this post is intended to be tongue in cheek, but in all actuality, I do wanna have more friends than my mother. LOL*

Stressed

2009-02-24T02:04:00.000-05:00

I'm stressed and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm usually the type that let's things roll of his back, but it's not working now. Everyday I go to work, I feel like it may be my last. I try to take it in stride, but whenever I wake up in the morning and see my company's name in the news, or see how the stock is tanking or see that a competitor is laying off 730 people right down the street from me, I just get a knot in my stomach. I get worried, and I'm not the one to worry about stuff. I just can't shake it.

I think maybe it's not so much the jacked up economy as it is real life situations that are getting to me. A few weeks ago, my grandmother was sick, which in itself is enough to make me lose it. Everybody has that one person in their family that means everything to them. Well, my grandma is that to me. She's fine now, turns out to just be vertigo, as opposed to the stroke that they originally thought it was, but for a while I was really worried about her. The thing that made it even worse, was that I didn't find out until a week later. Nobody bothered to tell me that my grandmother was rushed to the hospital. I was so mad at my family, but before I could even confront them...

I found out that my mom's husbands mother died. I didn't really know her, but it wasn't exactly the right time to start an argument. Then the following week, my mom's husband went in the hospital. This time they told me right away. It's really messed up. He has cancer and has stopped taking the radiation because it wasn't working. He has stuff on his lungs and his brain. This is like the 3rd time in the last 5 years that his cancer has come back and this time it looks like it's the end. They are throwing out words like hospice and making him comfortable, but I don't know what's gonna happen. I'm sad for my mother. I can hear her trying to be strong, but I can also hear the grief in her voice. I'm worried about what's gonna happen if he dies. I worry about the family drama that might ensue after he's gone. I worry about how she's gonna raise an 8 year old child by herself at age 60. Mostly, I'm just worried.

I don't even know what the point of this post was. I don't usually talk like this. I don't like this feeling and I hope it passes quickly. I know it's only human to go through this, but I'm not used to it. All I wanna do when I get home is sit around and drink. Don't worry, I'm not doing it, but it would just be easier than dealing with this stress. I hate this feeling of being helpless.

And Now...Another Episode of Rashan Overreacts To Something Small...

2009-02-19T21:47:00.002-05:00

One of these days , I'm gonna come home from work and not find something on my door. Monday, it was Chinese food menu, Tuesday it was a flyer (flier?) for an after hours club, Wednesday it was the same Chinese food place, and today its an advertisement for a real estate company. Enough already. I'm not the most green person in the world, but this ridiculous waste of paper is getting on my nerves. And when the wind blows really hard, you can always see these stupid pieces of paper flying around the parking lot. And sometimes its not just on the doors. The after hours club likes to lift up windsheild wipers and put their glossy cards featuring a big booty woman and a bottle of liquor on cars. I don't want my kids seeing that first thing in the morning when they are on their way to school. I don't want theives knowing I haven't been home all weekend cuz there are 12 multi colored pieces of paper all over the door. At least these Mexicans that deliver them have a job.

I should gather up all these menus and fliers and bring them back to these companies.. No, that won't work. They'd only deliver them again. I got it... I should totally go to these places and pass out my own fliers. Like go to the after hours club and post a notice about from a local church on the doors. Or go to the mortgage company and give them a copy of the Obama foreclosure plan. Or go to the Chinese place and put up pictures of cats. See how they like it. Jerks!! Now where are my colored pencils and construction paper. Time to get to work...

My Newest Stalker

2009-02-16T21:14:00.003-05:00

For real, I think I got a new stalker. She's hot, yo! I can't even front. Okay, lemme stop before I get myself in trouble. LOL. I'm being stalked by fire...

Last night, on my way home from Florida, just as I crossed over the border with Georgia, I noticed that traffic started slowing down. I was in the slow lane, about to get off the exit to get gas. *sidenote* Why is gas a quarter cheaper in Georgia than Florida? I paid $1.74 right over the border and it was $2.01 no more than 5 miles down the road. *sidenote over* There's usually no traffic on the way home especially when I leave at night. I looked over to my left and I saw a truck, fully engulfed in flames. It was crazy. Then I started to feel the heat from the fire even though I was 3 lanes over with the windows up. I thought it was gonna be like CHiPs when the cars blow up. I was so happy to get off the highway. People were stopping on the highway to take pictures of the fire. Maybe I woulda done that too if I ever got around to buying batteries for my camera, but since I didn't I just kept it moving and watched from the gas station off the exit. I got home around 2:45 to see fire trucks in my apartment complex. Luckily, it doesn't look like anything got burned too badly, but it wasn't exactly a warm (pun intended) welcome home. Then today on my way home from work, there was another vehicle fire, this time on 285.

I think fire is out to get me. One man shouldn't have this many run ins with fire. From burning down Kareem's house, to the fire across the street from my apartment, to another fire in my complex I don't think I wrote about, I'm getting sick of the flames. I need to put my smoke alarm back up.

7 Days In Savannah: Lady Lou's

2009-02-10T12:36:00.000-05:00

7 Days in Savannah is a recollection of my time growing up and being a young man in Savannah, GA. All stories are true and relayed to the best of my memory.

I have a confession to make. I used to be a bad boyfriend. Well, not bad bad, but I did some stuff that could be considered not cool. Chalk it up to youth, but when I was in college, I used to frequent a booty club and my girlfriend didn't know. Knowing her, I know she would not have approved, so I just didn't tell her. Let's go ahead and make that confession sound even worse. I used to go after I left her house. I never rushed out of there so I could go see strippers, but instead of just going straight home, I would stop off at Lady Lou's for a dance or three. I could make all kinds of excuses, but the fact is this: I liked looking at naked women, so I did.

Let's talk about Lady Lou's. It was a dump. A hole in the wall spot on Montgomery Street, right across from the Salvation Army store. As far as I know, it's now a sports bar, but back in 95-97, it was the place to go to see strippers. They never advertised themselves at a strip club. In fact, I don't even know how I found out about it, but once I went, I was hooked. The best thing about the club, was the girls didn't look like your stereotypical strippers. They were just hot girls that you'd see in the hood. And there was no pole dancing, VIP rooms or routines, just booty shaking and lap dancing. If you were lucky, you got a seat in the corner where it was really dark, but if not, it didn't really matter. The girls were still gonna get freaky directly under the spotlight. Oh, and one other thing... it was highly illegal. Lady Lou's had neither an adult club license or a liquor license.

On this night, I was hanging out with Lisa at her sister's house like we did just about every Friday night. I wanna say that we had went to a movie and then came home so she could babysit her niece while her sister went out to the club. That's how it usually happened. I had talked to Kareem and Tori and they mentioned that they were gonna hit up Lady Lou's that night. So when the Lisa portion of the night was over, I decided to meet them up there. It was no more than 5 minutes away from Lisa's sister's crib. I pulled up, paid my two dollars (yes, $2) and looked around the club. I didn't see my friends there, but I sat down anyway. I ordered a Michelob ($2) and preceded to find a girl to give my $3 (yes, $3 for a lap dance) to. As I looked around, I saw another one of my homeboys, Mike, in the corner getting a dance. I tipped my beer to him and he raised his plastic cup at me. I continued my search for the perfect stripper as Aaliyah's One In A Million came on. I loved the beat on that song, so I got the closest attractive stripper to me, and ponied up my cash. As her body gyrated to the Timberland beat, and she got a lot closer than strippers do now a days, I felt a tap on my shoulder...

"Rashan?"

I looked up and saw a tall woman with long black bushy hair. I recognized that face anywhere. It was Kasey. Kasey was a good friend of mine back in high school. She was even a better friend to Kareem and another one of my homeboys, Chavon. She dated both of them. I hadn't seen her probably since graduation, but I heard rumors that she had turned gay. It surprised the heck out of me seeing her in the strip club.

"Kasey? What you doing here?"

"Working. What are you doing?"

Then I noticed what she was wearing. A red bikini set. Well she was wearing for about 30 seconds. Then it was on the floor. Oh snap! Kasey is a stripper. I wasn't prepared for that one. She wasn't exactly the type that you would think of when you think of strippers. Now that I'm older, it does make more sense given her childhood, but all I was thinking was I went to high school with this girl. We were good friends for awhile there. She dated two of my homeboys. I don't wanna see her naked.

I tried to concentrate on the dancer in front of me, but Kasey kept making small talk. Asking me about this person or that person, all the while dancing naked for some other dude. It felt weird. Obviously, most of the strippers went to high school, but none of them went with me. It was the first time that I had experience with someone I knew. All I wanted to do was just enjoy my dance, but my mind was racing. When Aaliyah went off, I paid my dancer and Kasey came and sat down next to me. Great! Now, instead of just seeing her naked, she was sitting next to me naked. And talking to me naked. It was just so weird. This may not make sense to you, but I had very few platonic friends that stayed completely platonic, but she was one of them. I didn't want to see her like that. Plus, it felt like a violation of friendship since Kareem dated her. I tried my best to expedite her leaving.

"Hey, don't you have to go make that money?"

"Nah, I'm good. I can talk for awhile."

"I don't want you to get in no trouble. Just call me and we'll catch up."

"You still got the same number?"

"Yeah, it's the same. Go get your money!"

"You want me to dance for you?"

"NOOOOOO!!!"

Okay, that's what I thought. I was really said this..

"That's a little weird, isn't it. I've known you since middle school."

She moved on and as soon as it was possible to leave without looking too conspicuous, I trotted to the door. As I exited the club, I wondered if I should tell Kareem that I saw his high school girlfriend butt booty naked shaking for dollars. I decided against it for the time being. I squeezed past the police officer that was working security and got in my car. As I was pulling off, I was nearly hit by a police paddy wagon. Then I saw 3 more cop cars coming in the same direction. I figured that the weekly Friday night shooting was in the area. It wasn't until I talked to Mike the following Monday that I found out what really happened.

The police raided Lady Lou's and took all the dancers and customers in. Luckily, only the owners got real charges, but I was so glad I left before it went down. Can you imagine me trying to explain that I was at an illegal strip club when I was supposed to have been home? That wouldn't have went over well with Lisa. They shut Lady Lou's down. It did reopen, but it didn't stay open very long before they got raided again. Luckily, I was nowhere near there that night. I'm glad Kasey was there that night to run me out of the club.

7 Days In Savannah: My Dance With Death

2009-02-09T13:25:00.000-05:00

7 Days in Savannah is a recollection of my time growing up and being a young man in Savannah, GA. All stories are true and relayed to the best of my memory.

You ever have one of those days when you thought you were going to die? I have, and this is my story.

I was in 12th grade at Windsor Forest High School. The highlight of my day was 5th period chorus class. I had long since checked out of any other academic endeavors, since graduation was around the corner. I basically showed up to school, sat in class and wrote rhymes while the teachers droned on and on about stuff that I already knew, or didn't care about. Chorus class was different though. I was by no means a strong singer, but I could provide some tight harmony, and I could sight read music, so it was fun. Plus, we had numerous field trips that got me out of classes, so that was a plus.

The drawback to chorus is that we had to add choreography to our songs. Lets just be clear: Rashan does NOT dance. It's not so much that I don't like dancing as that I don't like looking silly. I have my own sense of rhythm, and the dances we were doing were borderline homosexual, so I didn't really feel that. Okay, lets just be even more honest. I can't dance. I am the living proof that the stereotype of all black people being able to dance is false.

On the day in question, we were learning a new lame dance to some new lame song we were singing. The dance called for couples. As a senior, a lot of the freshman girls in the chorus wanted to be my partner. It was like Flavor of Love in that piece, except I didn't get to pick. The chorus teacher chose based on height. I was paired with a similarly height challenged girl named LaShawn. She was a pretty dark skinned girl who was just the type of girl I would try to get at back in the day. Well, I would if I wasn't painfully shy. Even being 3 years older, I still didn't have the confidence to start a conversation with her. Anyway, the guys in the chorus cleared space by stacking all the chairs in the chorus room in the back, and Mrs. Reagan took her place at the front of the class to teach us the steps. I remember me and my partner were on the right side of the classroom.

Everything started off pretty cool. I got the first couple of steps with no problem, and the methodical way of teaching was working for me. Learn two steps, try them, learn two more steps, try them, then put them together. After about 15 minutes, we were ready to do a walk through of the entire song. Mrs. Reagan sat at the piano and played the intro of the song, I grabbed LaShawn's hand and got in postion. The dance started off with me standing behind her, wrapping my arms around her and holding her hands at her waist. Then something went horribly wrong...

It started off with a steady stream of sweat. It was warm, but the class was air conditioned, so there really should not have been that much perspiration. I backed off a little and grabbed a t shirt out of my bookbag to wipe off the sweat. In doing this, I missed most of the dance. We tried it again...

More sweat, only this time I was feeling dizzy. I tried my best to maintain my balance, and not sweat on LaShawn, but I failed. I had to sit down. Only my pride wouldn't let me tell anyone that I wasn't feeling well. When LaShawn asked me if I was okay, I told I was and I just needed a minute. I walked to the back of the class and tried to clear my head. Next thing I know I was having trouble breathing. It wasn't like I couldn't breathe at all, but shallow breaths weren't getting it. I looked like I just ran a 5k, the way I was inhaling so deeply. Funny, nobody really noticed anything, other than my sweating and they thought I just didn't want to do the dance. This wasn't the first time I had become frustrated learning steps.

I told LaShawn to excuse me for a minute and headed to the door to leave and get some water from the water fountain. That was the plan, but I quickly calculated that there was no way I was gonna make it down the hall on B-wing. I staggered over to Mrs. Reagan's desk and sat down, wondering just what in the world was wrong with me. I put my head down and thought about science class. What causes sweating, shortness of breath and dizzyness? Even back then I was a (unsuccessful) self diagnoser. Then my left arm started to go numb. I figured it out: I was having a myocardial infarction, or to those that don't remember health class: a heart attack.

How in the world could I have a heart attack at 17? I didn't smoke, I didn't have a family history of heart disease and I was relatively active as a kid. I mean, we were always playing football or basketball. I was a little overweight, but I was an active fat kid. Hell, I even used to ride the stationary bike all the time at home and do my sister's exercise tapes. There was no way that my heart could give out on me this young.

The voices around me all became distorted while the piano keys played an odd soundtrack to my death. I did manage to make out a couple coherent phrases...

"Rashan, are you okay? Do you need to go to the nurse?"

Somehow, I managed to answer.

"No, I'll be fine. I just need to sit down for a minute."

Then the distorted voices and piano keys came back. My life didn't flash before my eyes like they say it will, but my unfulfilled future did. I would never get to go to college, get married, have kids, overthrow the government, etc... I thought about how my mom and grandma would feel if I died right there in that chorus room, which made me feel even worse. All these thoughts went through my head as I sat there dripping puddles of sweat on the desk. Next thing I know, there were only 5 minutes left in the class. I stood up, bracing myself on the chair to make sure I didn't fall. And then a funny thing happened... I was fine. From the brink of death to no longer sweating, no more breathing hard, no more being dizzy. The numbness in my arm was probably a self fulfilling prophecy as a result of my overactive imagination. I told Mrs. Reagan that I was okay, and went right back to the dance like nothing ever happened.

A few days later, I told my mom what happened and she took me to the doctor. My heart was fine, although with the limited number of tests he performed, I don't know how he knew that. He said it was most likely an anxiety attack. I used to leave that part out when I would talk about this story. Black people don't get anxiety attacks! It made me feel week as a kid that I could actually get that white people disease. I might as well have mononucleousis. LOL. But yeah, that's what it was. The stress of dancing in front of people with a pretty girl and I punked out. Did I mention that I was a lame in high school? LOL

7 Days In Savannah: Bolo

2009-02-05T22:43:00.000-05:00

It was a hot summer day in Savannah. The type where all you wanna do is take 3 or 4 showers and drink a slushy. The kind of day when tensions rise along with the mercury, and you never know who will be the next victim. The kind of day that puts the temper in temperature. I could have very well become the next statistic on the crime sheets that day. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning.

My homeboy Tori was working at the Golden Corral at the Oglethorpe Mall, and, I decided to go get the hook up and hang out with him. I generally avoid buffets at all costs, but being that I was cheap and a poor college student, I bit the bullet and chowed down. I have to admit, it was pretty good, especially for the price (free). Anyway, by the time I finished eating, Tori was getting off work, and I was gonna drop him off at home to change and then hit up Frozen Paradise later that night. As we were leaving, this guy he knew came up to us...

"Hey, can you drop me in Cloverdale?"

Cloverdale was nowhere near where we were going. We were Southside boys, and Cloverdale was completely in the other direction. But before I could say no, Tori interjected.

"Yeah, we got you!"

I was mildly annoyed, but honestly I didn't really care. Even back then I was always down to drive around aimlessly. Plus gas was like .89 cents, so it was really no big deal. I just didn't like being around people I didn't know. Only, I did kinda know this guy.

"Rashan, you remember Bolo, right?"

I did remember him. From summer school in the 10th grade. I somehow managed to fail Advanced English (probably because I never did any homework) and had to go to Beach High School for six weeks that summer. He was in my English class. That joint was mad remedial, but that was my punishment for slacking off all semester. I had to suffer dummies who couldn't put together a sentence to save their lives. I passed the time by writing rhymes and by the end of summer school, I had enough material to put out two or three albums. One of the few bright spots was meeting up with kids from other schools and utterly destroying them in a freestyle rap battle. I was the reigning freestyle champ of summer school. One day, me and Bolo met up. I still remember the wack rhyme he tried to get me with...

"I rap better than one, I rap better than all/I even rap better than aluminum foil..."

For real? That's what you thought was a hot line? I murdered him with the rhymes. It's funny that I can't remember what I said, but I will never forget his line. When it was over, he sulked and glanced menacingly towards me the rest of the summer.

"Yeah, I remember him.. What's up my man?"

"Chillin'. Thanks for the ride."

During the car ride home, Bolo was talking incessantly. He still had dreams of being a rapper, which I had long since abandoned in favor of a college education. He told us about his record deal with a local Savannah record label. That was funny to me, since he supposedly got a phat advance, but was working at Golden Corral and bumming rides from my broke tail. Then the talk turned to the streets. Thug this, gangster that, hoe this, b*tch that... I was done. I decided to call him on his crap...

"Son, you ain't no gangsta! Chill wit all that"

"Oh I'm not? Then what you think this is for?"

I looked back and he was holding a .38. My face immediately dropped. It didn't occur to me that he might shoot me with it. I was just thinking, what if the police see him?

"I'm a thug, my nigga! I shoot lames for fun."

Tori busted out laughing, while I wasn't quite in on the joke. Bolo continued...

"I'll shoot the next nigga that pulls up to the side of us. I don't give a f*ck. I'm crazy!!!"

"I believe you man. I was just messing with you. Go on and put that gat up."

"I'm saying.. you can't be calling me out. You wanna see what I'll do?"

"Nah, man I'm good. Now how bout you just put that up before five-0 sees you."

"Man, F*CK THE POLICE!! I'll blast them too. You Southside clowns don't know nothing about a thug."

"You right, man! My bad for doubting you..."

"You could be next. That's all I'm saying..."

I turned the music up louder and said just about nothing else for the rest of the ride. Tori was still laughing and Bolo was rapping along to whatever I was playing on the CD player. I glanced in the rear view occasionally to make sure I wasn't about to get shot, and finally arrived in Cloverdale. As he got out the car, Bolo says...

"Thanks for the ride man! Lemme give you a couple dollars for gas."

Huh? Did this dude that just threatened to shoot me just offer me gas money?

"Nah, Don't worry about it. Peace."

"Peace, my nigga!"

Tori and I rolled out back to the Southside.

"Yo, what is up with your boy?" I asked.

"I forgot to tell you, he's a little loco."

"A little? Did you see how he just flipped out on me? Is he bi polar or something?"

"I don't know. He's just a little unstable."

"For real, I'm not f*ckin' with no more of your people...ever!"

If only that was true. I wound up hanging out with all kinds of weirdos, psychos and derelicts in the coming years. And because you guys always ask me what happened to the people I write about. Last I heard, (which is over 10 years ago) Bolo caught an armed robbery case and got 8-10 years. I never did hear anything from his alleged record deal.

7 Days In Savannah: The Day I Discovered My Blackness

2009-02-02T23:29:00.004-05:00

As a youth, I pretty much hung out with anyone: Black, white, Filipino, Jewish, Indian etc.. Race and/or religion didn't matter to me at all. My homies in New York were the personification of Martin Luther King's dream. Little black boys, little white girls. We were Jesse Jackson's Rainbow Coalition... I think I have a picture to prove it... That's me in the burgundy Member's Only Jacket...

When I moved to Savannah, I pretty much did the same thing. I was in 6th grade and most of my friends were white. The same thing went for the first part of following year. Then something, or should I say, someone happened... we will call him P.

Me and P were really cool in 7th grade. We traded Garbage Pail Kids stickers together. We formed a pencil fighting league (I was the manager, he was the talent) and we talked about music all the time. I remember one day, I was listening to my Ready For The World tape, and he was listening to his Metallica tape. We compared music and both could get with Prince's "Sign o the Times" double album.

P was a pretty talented artist. Well, he wasn't Jackson Pollack or nothing, but what I mean is that he could draw. He was always doodling something or other. He would sketch cartoon characters or people and they always came out well. One day, we collaborated on a cartoon series. It was called the Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. The DRS was supposed to be a collection of comical criminals that got into misadventures. I know, it's corny, but I was a kid. We came up with the idea together, but when he showed me the first sketches, I knew something was amiss...

There was T-Bone, a black criminal that wore a thick gold chain, that he used as a weapon. Then there was June- Bug, a black criminal whose secret weapon was throwing roaches on people. Then there was Ice Pick, a black criminal who would pick his (buck) teeth with an ice pick and then stab people with it. Then there was... You get the point. As if it wasn't bad enough that all the criminals were black, they all had jive captions, like "yo, I be killin people" or "I be a murderer." I was like, hold up P, why all the criminals gotta be black?

P just didn't get what the big deal was. I was never the type to cry racism, but at that very moment, it hit me. Me and this white kid aren't the same. He views my people as only criminals, buffoon criminals at that that can't talk. Never mind that my grades were consistently higher than his, he still felt he was better than me. He was the worst kind of racist: the racist that didn't know he was racist. The kind that could point at me and say "some of my best friends are black."

From there, it all snowballed. I didn't mess with P no more. I couldn't in good conscience let that slide. I had discovered my blackness and there was no looking back. Add to that, watching "Eyes on the Prize" on PBS and reading "The Autobiography of Malcolm X" and it was a wrap. I was black, and I knew and embraced it from that point on. It's funny how one day can change one's entire outlook on life. It was a relatively minor thing, but P's cartoon set me well on the way to be being the person I am today.

7 Days In Savannah: The Beach

2009-02-02T04:47:00.002-05:00

7 Days in Savannah is a recollection of my time growing up and being a young man in Savannah, GA. All stories are true and relayed to the best of my memory.

So, I went to high school with this kid named Chuck. Chuck was, to say the least, a character. He was a tall, yet dumpy, white kid who was already losing his hair by senior year. He was a bit of an outcast. He liked black people, but they didn't like him back. He didn't have too many white friends, other than the other freaks and geeks. Chuck was that dude that had a trunkful of porn magazines, (mostly black women) and brought a prostitute (yes, an actual prostitute to the Senior prom.) His reasoning: At least he knew that he would be getting laid after the prom, even if he had to pay for it. Weirdness aside, Chuck was pretty harmless. Although he looked like the type to pull a Columbine, and definitely had an affinity for guns, he wasn't the type that would actually do it. I wouldn't say that Chuck and I were friends, but we had several classes together and were cordial.

One night before graduation, I ran into Chuck at the Tara Cinemas. It was the movie hangout for our high school, and is no longer there. I was with my homeboy, Ashley if I'm not mistaken. Chuck was with 3 black girls that went to a rival high school. I was intrigued. How did this clown hook up with 3 attractive sisters? (well, 2 of them were attractive, the other looked like a reject from Jurassic Park. LOL) In the course of our conversation, he invited me to hang out with them. For some strange reason, I said yes.

When the movie was over, I left with Chuck and the three girls whose names I can't remember to save my life. We'll call them girl one, girl two and girl three. He picked up another one of his associates, and we drove around for awhile. Small talk was made, but I couldn't seem to connect with any of the girls. We wound up at the Subway on the corner of DeRenne and White Bluff. They ate (I say they, because I didn't have any loot) and we talked about what we were going to get into. Really, there isn't much a motley crew of high schoolers could do. We usually went to football games, but it wasn't in season. Or we went to a movie, which we just came from. It's not like we could go to a club. Girl One (or was it two or three) came up with a fabulous suggestion.

"Let's go to the beach!"

Let me backtrack for a minute. I didn't have a car back then, and the beach seemed like it might as well been in Africa. I know now, that I can get there in less than the time it takes me to go to work, but back then??? That joint was far. Plus it was already 11:00 PM. I wasn't one for staying out all night. I didn't have an official curfew, but I knew not to come home at ridiculous times of the night.

"I don't know. I have to get home soon."

Girls 1-3 clowned me about this. Apparently, they didn't have curfews. Apparently, they could stay out all night. Apparently, I was a lame for respecting the rules. Apparently, I succumbed to peer pressure, because next thing I know, the six of us were heading to Tybee Island.

Here's where the story takes an even worse turn. Chuck decided that we needed something to drink, so he took his receding hairline to the liquor store and bought a couple of bottles of MD 20-20. In high school, I had not even sniffed any liquor, so I knew I wasn't going to partake, but Chuck, the driver did. Chuck was taking the bottle to the head as we drove down the dark highway. I was appalled. I tried to not say something, so the girls wouldn't clown me again, but I couldn't. Chuck was weaving in and out of his lane and speeding.

"Yo, Chuck! Slow down on that drink. I'm trying to get to the beach in one piece."

"I got this. I drink and drive all the time."

Girl One (or was it 2 0r 3) chimed in with her support of the drunken behavior too.

"Shut up, you big baby!"

I slumped back in the cramped seat, hoping that the two girls surrounding me would serve as seat belts, since Chuck's car lacked them in the back seat. I was sure that this would be the night that I would die. I even imagined it, like on an episode of Scrubs...

"On tonight's news, 6 teenagers were killed when there car drove off a bridge and into the marsh. They were then eaten by alligators. We now go to Trisha Takinowa who is on the scene."

I chuckled to myself for having a sense of humor about my impending death, and almost forgot that I was being chauffered by an alcoholic. That is until Chuck decided to up the stakes. Apparently, drinking and driving was not enough of an adrenaline rush for him, so he decided to turn off the headlights and turn up the Geto Boys!!! I was scared out of my mind. Passing cars flashed their highbeams, while Scarface, Willie D. and Bushwick Bill cursed us out though the speakers. I just about lost my mind. I can't say that I was much of a praying man, but I did that night. I prayed that the Lord would protect me from this fool and his foolery. And he did. We made it to the beach safely, although looking at how Chuck parked his car was a dead giveaway that he was drunk. We got out the car and headed to the beach for an evening of fun.

Except it was no fun for me. I was paranoid the whole time I was there. It was dark and I was with 4 strangers and a classmate who turned out to be psychotic. I didn't know if he would just up and leave me, or try to go swimming in the Atlantic Ocean at night. Turns out, he chose the latter. Dark as it was, Chuck decides that he would ignore the warning signs, and test out the waters. He took Girl One (or was it 2 or 3) with him. Me, his homeboy and the other two girls stood at the edge of the water as they went deeper and deeper into the current. Eventually, we couldn't even see them anymore.

At that point, I just threw up my hands and resigned myself to my fate. What's the worst that could happen. I have to call my mom and tell her that I got kidnapped. I've always been a good kid. She wouldn't punish me too much, would she? I felt peace for the first time since Chuck cracked that bottle of MD 20-20. Ten minutes later, Chuck and Girl One (or was it two or three) come sauntering up to the pavillion where we are sitting. They are soaking wet, and the girl is holding her bra and underwear in her hand. I guess Chuck had a good night, even if I didn't.

Luckily, by the time we drove home, Chuck had sobered up. The ride home was much less eventful than the drive there. I looked at the clock as we pulled up to my house and it was 2:45. I wasn't expecting to be out so late, so I didn't unlock the side door to the garage, which was my way of sneaking in and out of the house. I had to take the hit. I quietly unlocked the front door, and to my surprise, nobody was awake. They never even knew I didn't come home at a decent hour. Or if they knew, they never said anything. I went to the laundry room and changed my clothes, and laid down on the couch, and fell asleep. This was one heck of a night, and I didn't want to do it again anytime soon.

That Monday, I saw Chuck at school and he told me they were going out again on Friday. He said, I was more than welcome to tag along. My answer? Not no, but HELL NO!!!

7 Days in Savannah: We Ain't That Type Of Nigga

2009-01-30T22:00:00.001-05:00

7 Days in Savannah is a recollection of my time growing up and being a young man in Savannah, GA. All stories are true and relayed to the best of my memory.

I was sitting at home playing NCAA football on the Playstation when my pager went off. From the code, I could tell it was my man, Kareem. From the 236 prefix, I knew he was calling me from the westside. I hesitated before calling him back, as I was about 3 minutes from winning yet another national championship; this time with Wyoming. With their subpar talent and ugly uniforms, that took some serious skills. As the confetti fell on the screen acknowledging my victory over the computer, I picked up the cordless and called the unfamiliar number on the pager display. I already knew what was up.

"Hello."

"What up, Kareem! You need a ride?"

"Yeah, but I need to talk to you. Meet me over on 37th and Jefferson. It's a house right down the street."

"Over there by where ol girl stay?"

"Yeah, I'll be outside waiting."

"20 minutes. Aiight, peace."

I hung up the jack, and put the colorful Fila shirt I was wearing earlier that day back on. I ran my brush over my head, then said "forget it" and threw on the Yankees cap I liberated from my brother. Grabbing the keys and the face to my cd player, I headed to my 91 Toyota Tercel and made the trip across town to pick up my homey. When I got there, Kareem's eyes were tinged with that familiar redness, a telltale sign that he had been smoking weed, drinking dark liquor, or worse.

"Yo!"

"Go head and park a minute. I wanna finish this blunt."

I parked and got out the car, walking towards an old house, that had 3 or 4 rough lookin' dudes hanging out on the porch. It was one of those places that in a few short years would be taken over by the Savannah College Of Art and Design in the name of urban renewal. Or gentrification depending on your point of view. Politics aside, I sat down on a makeshift chair, really a milk crate, and waited for Kareem to pass the blunt. The 3 or 4 other guys paid us no attention as we inhaled and exhaled the cannibis in silence. Finally, I broke the calm.

"What's going on, man?"

"I f*cked up"

"What happened?"

"For real, I f*cked up really bad."

I sensed this was something that had to come out on organically, so I said nothing else. Kareem stared off into space, stopping only to spit occasionally. When he was ready, he spoke.

"I hit Chandra."

"Huh?"

"I hit her."

Chandra was his girlfriend. He was living with her in an apartment on the Southside of town. She was good people. Perhaps a bit naive, but her nurturing nature was perfect for my friend. I wonder if she knew at the time that he was into drugs other than weed. I myself, had just recently learned that my best friend in the world was on that powder. It shook me to the core. It was difficult to fathom and even more difficult to reconcile. I can only imagine what it would have done to her. Kareem offered me the blunt, but I thought about the constant spitting and declined.

"Son, what are you talking about?"

"We got in a fight last night and she was in my face. I was geeked up. And I just hit her."

"I don't even know what to say. We may be a lot of things, my nigga, but we ain't that type of nigga."

"I know."

"I mean, where did you hit her? Are we talking a slap or full fledged punch?"

I don't know why I asked this question. It didn't make a difference. It was unacceptable, no matter how it went down.

"I punched her in the face."

"That's some f*cked up sh*t! You can't be doing sh*t like that."

"I know. You the only one I can tell about this."

"I hope you don't expect me to tell you that it's all right."

"I know it's not. And I know you will tell me the truth."

"Have you talked to Chandra? Is she okay?"

"She says she's okay. She wants me to come home, but I can't face her."

Then more silence. I didn't know what to say next. Part of me wanted to beat the tar out of him, but the other part wanted to be there for my friend.

"I'm not taking you over there. I'll drop you by your mom's crib, but I can't bring you back over there."

"I need to see her, dawg."

"You gonna have to find another way."

"She wants me there."

Tears formed in his already red eyes, although I could tell he was trying to hold them in. I could see what looked like grief and remorse on his face. I could sense an absolute sense of panic in his words, and against my better judgement, I finally relented.

"If she says its okay, then I'll do it."

We got in the car and drove back to the southside. No further words were exchanged by us. I sat there dazed, a little from the weed, but mostly from what I had just heard. Redman bumped from my 6x9 speakers as I pulled in the apartment complex.

"You ready to roll this weed up? Whateva, man"

"Turn the music down, Rashan."

"You ready to get this chedder? Whateva, man"

"YOOO!!! Turn it down!!!"

Kareem had a serious look on his face. I muted the cd player and listened.

"Park in the back, dawg."

He got out the car and sat on the trunk. I followed suit and did the same. I barely recognized the quivering voice that soon followed.

"I need to change my life. I can't keep doing this same sh*t every day. Getting high, running around with Tori. I got a good woman, and I treat her like crap. I need to get back with God, man."

"Do it."

"I need God's deliverence. I need him to deliver me from this coke."

"True."

"Jesus is the only one that can save my life."

"Word, son. I feel you."

"Pray with me, dawg! I got to get these demons out of me"

"Aiight."

So we prayed. Two high cats in the parking lot of an apartment that just hours ago was the scene of domestic violence. Kareem's tears flowed freely at this point. No longer did he hold them in. He had a breakthrough. I wont lie. I was filled with hope. Time would tell what would become of him, but in that moment, I had hope that my friend would turn his life around. The weed and liquor was inconsequential to me at that point. If I needed to give that up to get my brother back, then so be it. In his darkest moment, I felt closer to Kareem than ever. He walked to the door unlocked it and then turned around.

"You're right. We ain't that type of nigga. Thanks for reminding me."

There really is no moral to this story. What he did was horrible, and I don't know if at this point in my life I could be there to work through it with him. I'm not as forgiving now as I was 10 years ago. Nevertheless, this was one of the days in Savannah that always sticks with me. One of the days that I realized that people do messed up things to people they love. And sometimes it's people you know.

Wild Wild West

2009-01-29T21:51:00.004-05:00

Wow, I swear life is hilarious. I don't know how people can't find anything to live for. Just the randomosity that pops up around me keeps me going. Case in point...

Tonight, after work, I went to fill up the whip. As I was pumping my gas, this dude walks up on me and asks if I have any change. I say no, and then avoid eye contact, but then it hits me. WTF is dude wearing? I could paint a picture with words, but I think I would rather let you see it. This is not the actual photo, but combined, they provide a pretty accurate representation...

THIS JACKET (considerably more dingy)

AND THIS HAT!!!

Yo, I gave him the quizzical look, and almost said something. I controlled myself, but then he went to the guy next to me asking for money..

"Kool Moe Dee!!! What's up!!"

"Lemme hold a dollar, young blood!"

"What happened to your Wild Wild West money? You ain't still getting residuals off that?"

"Aww, come on now.. don't be like that. Lemme hold somethin'"

"If you do the song, I'll give you two dollars!"

...AND HE DID IT!!!

"I remember parties out in the park/with the girlies, rubbing up in the dark/Iwas smooth, until someone pulled a gun/it was over, they spoiled my fun..."

By that time, I was finished pumping my gas, but I was transfixed. I couldn't leave. Then he started doing the dance from the video! I almost give him some money just for making my day, but payday ain't until tomorrow. LOL

Life is hilarious. How can people not want to live??? Now, I wanna watch the video!

You, Ma'am, and Your Husband...

2009-01-28T21:49:00.004-05:00

... are bad parents. I know what you are going to say. I don't have kids, so who am I to judge? Well, let me answer that for you. I'm a human being. And I have common sense, which apparently, along with basic decency is something you lack. Besides, it's your own fault for telling all your business all unsolicited like that...

So, you and your husband fight. It happens all the time. I'm not saying you should stick together, but for you to just leave the state and not tell your kids where you are going, when you are coming back or if they will ever see you again is NOT acceptable. And you wonder why once you finished going through your "mess" they are reluctant to open up to you. It's not natural for a mother to abandon her kids like that. I don't care what you say, you will not get me to understand that. Let's be clear, if your husband has custody, that's acceptable. For you to not know anything about what's going on in their lives for three years, thats unacceptable. And now you want to be part of their lives again? I pray that they give you a second chance, but I don't blame them if they don't.

Now, your husband? He's an equally piece of crap parent. I understand it may be tough to care for two children on your own, but suck it up. Women do that every day. Get some help, or get over it, but do NOT under any circumstances, abandon your children who have just been abandoned by their mother. Seriously??? You leave your kids with your ex-mistress after you break up? She is not their mother. How in the world could you just dip out on your kids and leave them with a woman they barely know? That is some bull. So, let's just get this straight. 2 kids... mother left them...father left them... How can the two of you live with yourselves?

You, ma'am, and your husband are bad parents. Scratch that, you are bad people. Think I'm being harsh? So what! The opinion of someone who could do that to their kid means nothing to me.

Ballin'

2009-01-27T10:35:00.002-05:00

Recession? What recession? I'm ballin', son!!! I just got a promotion at work!!! My hard work (he he he) has paid off. They finally recognized that I am the man and decided to compensate me for it. It was unexpected because I thought that all raises were frozen. But there was no way that they could deny that I am worth every last penny they could throw my way. I'm indispensable, yo! A new job title, a bump up in job grade, more responsibilities. The world is my oyster! I'm just so happy!!! Guess how much my salary increased? Nah, I shouldn't tell you. It's indelicate to talk about money in times like these when people are losing jobs right and left. Especially when you are talking about the type of money I just got. It'll just seem like bragging. Wait. You are my blog family. You wanna share in my joy, don't you? Maybe just this once I'll make an exception. I can't contain my excitement. I got a whopping raise of...

$648. Meet me at the bar. Drinks on me!!! I hope this raise doesn't move me to a higher tax bracket. LOL. Any suggestions on what I should get with my new found wealth?

The Barber Chronicles

2009-01-26T03:30:00.000-05:00

I could make this a semi regular series. It's really difficult to find a barber that I like. Either they are just mediocre, or they don't show up on time, or they have you sit in the chair forever while they argue about whose booty is fattest or which wack rapper is the best. I miss the good old days in Savannah, when I had a standing Tuesday appointment with Duane at Holmes Barbershop on Montgomery Ave. He used to not show up on time, but at least his apartment was close enough that I didn't have to wait for him to drive across town to cut my hair. Plus, he knew how to cut my hair, and once he finally showed up, he was efficient.

Anyway, its been a while since I got my haircut, so on Saturday, I went to get that handled. I stopped at an ATM to get some cash, and as I was driving back to the spot where I normally go, I saw a barber shop that I never saw before. I've been looking for a new spot, because the last couple of times I went to my usual shop, had new barbers that did not do a very good job. One guy's clippers were too sharp and cut my face, the other one just seemed to have no clue what he was doing. Add to that the other barbers that are competent weren't there, and I was about through with them. Back to the point... I decided to give this shop a chance.

I walked in and there were only two barber chairs, and three women stylists in another room. I saw the two barbers. One was an older gentleman, conservatively in his mid 50's. He had someone in his chair. The other was a younger guy, maybe in his late 20's. I was glad that the younger guy was available. No offense, but from my experience, older barbers tend to do what they want with your hair, as opposed to what you want. I sat down, and told the guy what I wanted. I was gonna keep some of the hair on top that had been growing over the last month. He repeated what I wanted, but didn't get it right. I lost confidence that he would do what I wanted him to do. With my texture of hair, its pretty much a hit or miss thing, so I decided I would play it safe and just have him cut it low. He seemed to understand that pretty well, so I sat back and let him get to work. I heard the older barber talking..

"Take the one blade all the way back."

I didn't pay it any attention. I figured he was talking to himself. But it soon hit me that he was actually telling the other barber what to do. I was like why is the old man being so nosy? Cut your own customer's hair. All that was in my mind of course. After all my locks were on the floor, I heard him talking again.

"Tape up the front."

Wait... Am I getting my hair cut by an amateur? Does this guy not know what the bleep he is doing? All I wanted to do was look at my hair, but since I am blind with out my glasses, I couldn't see what it looked like in the mirror. I nervously sat there as he shaped up the goatee and sideburns. I already worked it out in my head. If he messes up the facial hair, I can fix that, but he better not mess up my hair. All the while, the older barber is giving him instructions. I was like please hurry up and let me out of where. Did I mention that it was taking forever. Finally, he was finished. Or so I thought. I put on my glasses and looked in the mirror and noticed that my tape was not even close to being right.

"Can you tighten up that tape?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna do that in just a minute with the razor."

Dammit, man! This neophyte is actually gonna come at me with a sharp razor? I don't really want him to do that, but I still got too many loose hairs on my face and hairline. I guess I'll let him do it. He puts some shaving gel on my face and then starts looking around. The old guy speaks again...

"You need to have your hot towel ready before you do that."

"Oh, okay..."

He goes into another room, and the older barber follows him, presumably to give him some direction. I thought about getting up and leaving right then, but my car was parked in the back of the building and there would be no way of leaving without them getting my license plate number. I then thought about throwing down some money and jetting, but I needed change. Ain't no way I was paying $20 for this half assed haircut. So, I sat there, shaving gel marinating on my face for about 3 minutes, while he got his stuff together. They finally came back, and he put the not quite hot towel on my face. Well, it started on my face, but soon slid down. The older barber said, let me show you. He slid the barber chair back and rewrapped my face correctly. When my pores were sufficiently opened, he let the young guy take back over. I felt the scraping against my face, and although I didn't know exactly what he was doing, I knew it wasn't right. The old guy recognized this too..

"Use your reverse backhand. Go with the grain. Pull the skin tight."

The young guy, bless his heart, tried to follow all the directions, but it just wasn't working. Luckily, the older guy took over again.

"I'll get you through this one. You watch me and I'll show you how it's done."

When he was finally finished, the young guy came back and touched it up, and I was finally ready to go. After an hour sitting in the chair with a barber school reject, they had the nerve to charge me regular price. I was not in the mood to argue, (or as Jameil says I'm too nice), so I paid and jetted. My customary nice tip however was not included. The hair cut is not bad, but its not good. I know a lot of people can't tell the difference, but I can already see that it's not going to grow in the right way. I expect that in about 4 days, my hair will be sticking up and not laying right. I guess it goes without saying that I will not be returning to this barbershop. Here's what it looks like one day later...

Notice the uneven hairline and the unfinished looking goatee. Stay tuned in two weeks when I try yet another barber...

Late Thursday Thirteen: Things I Don't Understand

2009-01-22T21:35:00.004-05:00

1. Dow Jones – I guess since I work in the financial services industry, I should have a better grasp on this thing, but to me, it just seems like legalized gambling. Its like you aren’t really buying anything tangible with your money. You are betting on the future performance of a company. I also know that my 401k is taking a horrendous beating b/c of the stock market. Can I invest in something that is gonna always pay dividends…like cocaine? LOL

2. Obama makes you better – You don’t know how many times I’ve heard since the election that people feel better about themselves because Obama won. So basically what you are saying is that before the election, you felt like a nigger, but now you don’t? Look, I’m mad inspired as well, but I always had a (some would say inflated) high opinion of myself. He can’t make me be something I wasn’t already, nah mean?

3. Gone With The Wind – I made it through an hour of this 4 hour movie, and if I wasn’t black, I could see myself enjoying it. I just don’t know how in good conscience I can ignore the horrific racial undertones and root for these characters that are happily going to war to keep their slaves. I’m trying to just look at the movie on its merits, but I can’t separate reality from the fiction.

4. Weave - Let me start by saying, I have no problem at all with weave. If you wanna rock it, and it looks good, its all good with me. In fact, I don’t care what you do with your hair, as long as it looks good. Howsomever, I’ve recently noticed, that weave is getting out of control again. Where as it got to the point, where it was looking more realistic, lately it seems like we are going back to the old school days of just adding a whole bunch of weave that looks majorly synthetic. Its like an Al B Sure video with the video girls flinging their yarn-y hair all over the place. You can’t think that looks good, can you?

5. Good Hair - People are still talking about good hair? Why yes, they are! I've been letting my hair grow out, partially because I like it, and partially, because I'm too lazy to go to the barbershop. The other day at work, I got told that I had good hair. I must be mixed. I got some of what Obama got in him. I was like, what is this 1964 or something?

6. This thing on my shoulder – Yeah, I thought it was a pimple. Then it started growing and then I thought it was a boil, thanks to WebMd. Now, I don’t know what it is. I won’t go into anymore disgusting detail, but its annoying me.

7. Reality TV – Am I the only one that realizes that most of these shows follow the exact same format? How many different types of competitions can you have? How many terse, dramatic, heavily edited shows can there be? How many crybabies are there in this country? The way they cry at the drop of a hat is just annoying. Full Disclosure: Jameil got me liking Project Runway and True Beauty, but the rest I can’t get with, including Top Chef.

8. Why I was paying for anti virus… when I get free anti virus protection from Comcast? I feel like a chump for that one.

9. My President is Black - I like the song, but when I actually listened to the lyrics, I had to scratch my head. Its full of drug references like most Jeezy song's, but you woulda thought that on an ode to the president, he could have laid off the dreams of being Pablo Escobar. Just for one song, Jeezy? Please???

10. My lateness – I was doing so well. I had started getting to work on time, even early. Now, for the last month, I’ve been arriving at 11:59 or 12:02. If there was some traffic, I could see the problem. The problem is me. I’ve back slided into procrastination. Waking up at the last minute, taking too long in the shower, watching TV instead of getting ready for work. It sucks, I need to fix it. (Step One – Fix, Step Two – It, Step Three – Fix It!!) (fast forward to 6 minutes.)

11. People like me – I don’t get why people still call and text me. I can tell you if I got ignored as many times as I ignore other people, it would be a wrap. I know I suck for this, but I am who I am. I just don't get why people still try.

12 . Smoke detector – Why my smoke detector was beeping all night is a mystery to me. It could be that it needs a new battery if I didn’t replace it just last month. Also, once I took the battery out, why come is it still beeping? And why does it use a 9 volt battery? When was the last time you bought a 9 volt battery? I can answer for me… I had a hand held electronic football game in 8th grade. That was the last thing I had that used one of those, except for my smoke detector.

13. Why my girlfriend made me watch porn - LOL - I can see her jumping up and gesticulating at the computer right now, so I guess I should explain. We've been watching movies together on the phone. I made a list of some movies that were in the UF library and I have on Netflix Instant Viewing. One such movie was a Spanish movie called "Sex and Lucia." While that title should have clued us in that it was a little risque, the description of the movie didn't tell us that there would be like 10 minutes of almost real sex and constant nudity. I can't believe she made me watch that. I feel so violated. LOL

Predictability

2009-01-20T23:21:00.003-05:00

I've been known to be a creature of habit. I find myself doing the same things all the time. Its not so much of an obsession, but just what I'm used to. I eat wheat bread because that's what I was raised on. I always drive in the 4th lane on 285 on the way to work. When I log on to my computer, I always start at the same sites, in the same order. Why? I don't know, but I that's what just how I do. I guess it's just comfortable...However, something happened the other day that made me wonder if I need to switch things up a little.

After the ride home from work Monday (in which I drove in the 4th lane for as long as possible), I stopped by my local Subway to get dinner. I usually go there at least once a week, unless I'm on one of my "I'm gonna cook" phases. I got in line and the East African girl that always waits on me says:

"Footlong Tuna Sub on Italian Herbs and Cheese. Lettuce, Tomatoes, and Pickles"

She was right. How did she know? LOL - Maybe it's cuz I go there all the time and always order the same thing. I felt like switching up the order just to prove her wrong, but I really wanted that tuna sub. I'm so predictable sometimes.

ATT - Manager's Phone

2009-01-15T14:19:00.001-05:00

*Beep* Hey, this is the manager's phone. Manager doesn't have ATT, so he didn't get the call from the boss telling him NOT to tell everybody that the company is suspending merit raises. Because he has zero bars, he didn't know that it was not supposed to be common knowledge. Call and text all you want. The manager won't be answering, he'll be trying to come up with responses to a bunch of questions he isn't prepared to answer.

Wanna Get Away?

2009-01-15T02:05:00.002-05:00

You know those Southwest Airline commercials where people do something utterly embarrassing and then want to get away? I witnessed one of those moments the other day...

Characters:
Kenyan Like Obama (KLO)
Yes, I'm A Lesbian (YIAL)
Rashan

KLO: Hey, YIAL! Who is that man?
YIAL: What are talking about?
KLO: That picture on your desk?
YIAL: (looks as if she doesn't know what picture is on her desk): Girrrl, that ain't a man. That's my wife.
KLO: Oh, she looks like a man from here.
Rashan: (whispering) Stop talking!
YIAL: Oh.
KLO: I mean she has manly facial features.
Rashan: (whispering) I implore you to stop talking right now!
YIAL: No that's my honey bunny.
KLO: I couldn't really tell. I thought it was a man with dreadlocks.
Rashan: (whispering) For real, stop talking right now.
KLO: (to me) You can understand how I could make that mistake, can't you?
Rashan: ...
YIAL: Yeah, that's my husband.
KLO: So, she's the man and you're the woman? I woulda thought...
Rashan: KLO, shut up!

It was this point that I imagined the announcer saying: Wanna Get Away? I work with the most tactless people in the world. LOL

Semi Wordless Wednesday

2009-01-14T15:02:00.000-05:00

When I went to work yesterday, people were trying to figure out was different about me. You should have seen them racking their brains trying to come up with it. Can you tell what it is? I thought it would be obvious, especially for people that see me 5 days out of the week.

Unscheduled Meeting

2009-01-13T14:26:00.003-05:00

I think I'm in the minority of workers. I actually love meetings. While some people go out of their way to avoid them, I pray for an interruption to my work day. I used to love Fridays at work because we would have an hour and 45 minutes worth of meetings on the last day of the week. It made the day go by very quickly. True, I never really pay attention in the meetings, preferring to either surf the web if a computer is handy or write out my thoughts or mock the person that is saying something inappropriate or just plain stupid. Either way, I enjoy not having to work...

Unscheduled meetings, however, are the worst. You never know what's coming, but you know its not going to be good. The last unscheduled meeting we had, we found out that they were cutting monthly bonuses. One before that, turned out to be a shilling session for the United Way, and one before that was to tell us that some of our leadership team were being reassigned, leaving us in the hands of unproven management. Needless to say when my manager told us to go to the conference room around 6:45 on Friday, I had a little trepidation.

I knew it wasn't going to be good when our team sat down, and then the site leader and two department managers joined us. Never being one to be able to hide my reactions, the shock showed on my face. I wondered what was wrong now. Were we going to lose our jobs? Did someone do something especially egregious that warranted this massive show of management? I really had no idea. Then the site leader spoke.

"I can see on your faces that you are surprised to have all of us here. Let me first say that this is not about anyone losing their jobs."

Relief poured through me. He continued..

"I do have to share some bad news with you though. Earlier today, one of your teammates, Jeffrey passed away."

I knew Jeffrey was sick. When I first met him, he was coming back from leave. He had been out of work for several months. Then later he had a stroke and missed some more time, before coming back and leaving again. He hadn't been at work for several months before his death. There had been talk about him coming back to work in March, but I didn't know if that was true. And now he was dead. People around me started crying, others, such as myself maintained a solemn facade. Nobody really knew what to say, as happens when bad news strikes. I scanned the room and took in the grief that some were feeling and wondered why I didn't feel the same. I mean, it was definitely bad news, but it didn't affect me deeply.

The words droned on, as people shared their memories and tried to work through it to get to a happy place. The phrase "that's what Jeffrey would have wanted" popped up several times. I started to feel bad that I had nothing to share. I didn't want him to die, but I didn't exactly have any appropriate memories to relay at the time. We weren't friends. Truth be told, he was annoying. I didn't like being around him because he was always begging for food, a ride, or $5. I was uncomfortable at his intrusive nature and his not so subtle attempts to find out if I was either gay, or messing with every girl that came by my desk. I actually wrote about him here *click link*. He was nosy, and I felt like anything he found out about me would soon become the office gossip. So, I did like I always do. I don't tell anyone about myself. No matter how many times he would try to interrogate me, I deflected, avoided, and flat out told him to mind his business.

So, yeah, we weren't friends. I didn't want him to die though. I felt bad that I was thinking about the things that annoyed me at a time like this. Why couldn't I just be like everyone else and be in mourning? Was something wrong with me? Do I really not care that Jeffrey died? Maybe, its just a man thing. Maybe men aren't in touch with emotions like that. No, that wasn't it. I did care. It just didn't hit me that strongly because we weren't close. I'm sure if it was someone I was friendly with I'd feel... something. As it was though, I just couldn't be like everyone else. I couldn't pretend to be broken up, because in truth, I wasn't. I didn't want him to die (I know I keep repeating this, but I want you to realize this is the truth), but it didn't personally affect me.

Monday, they had grief counselors on site to help people that needed it. People kept making vigils to Jeffrey's desk and crying. Some people came by just to be nosy. People I know didn't even know him. It was very annoying. I understand if you knew him, but if you don't even know who he was, why are you crying? They would ask "which one was Jeffrey?" The answer was always "Remember that dude that did the split at the meeting?" Or "Remember the people meeting when the guy went crazy bobbing for apples?" And then there would be tears. You don't know him! Now take your sobbing and be out. And then they all want to know how he died. I don't know. I have my suspicions, but I'm not gonna tell you. You don't even know him, and you don't know me, so it is entirely inappropriate for you to be asking.

There's a memorial service on Saturday. I'm going to be out of town, so I won't be going. Let's be honest though. I wouldn't have gone even if I was in town. I don't want to sound callous, but we weren't friends. I'm sorry that he's dead, but I don't have a desire to sit around and see people have emotions that I couldn't quite conjure up. Or even worse, see people displaying phony emotions. I just wish that I could feel some kind of way about it. I feel like a bad person for not having any emotion.

Damn, I hate unscheduled meetings.

Check Out The Scenario

2009-01-09T17:17:00.002-05:00

Please excuse any typos. I cranked this out in 5 minutes at work and didn't have time to edit.

Check The Scenario:

Say you work for a multinational corporate conglomerate… One that employs around 200k people in the US alone… They are always talking about their strength and stability…in public. Privately, though, there’s talk of belt tightening, reduced bonuses, and worst of all layoffs.

Then say that this company pays a majority of its employees on a fixed pay schedule. The 15th and the last day of the month. It’s been like that since you’ve been working there and although you would like to get paid every two weeks like virtually everyone else you know that’s not a teacher, you’ve adjusted to the schedule.

Then say you get an email telling you that your mulit national conglomerate is changing the pay schedule so that everyone gets paid at the same time. Payroll will run on Fridays every two weeks. For a moment, you express your happiness like the rest of your peers at this supposed piece of good news. This change will go into effect in Mid March, with the first Friday payday being April 3rd.

Then say, you start reading between the lines and discover what is not explicitly written in the email. This means you will not be getting paid on 3/31 like you normally would. This means that payday is being pushed back 3 days, which although its not a big deal to your personally, is an inconvenience. And what about those people that have rent due on the first and don’t have a grace period. And what about incentive bonuses? How will those be handled now that we no longer get paid at the end of the month? And what about people that get quarterly bonuses… And then it hits you…

This might have been done intentionally.

Say your company is trying to put on a brave face in the midst of this global recession. Cuts are being made just about everywhere. Hell, they didn’t even put up a Christmas tree in your building to save on electricity. In spite of all the cutbacks, profits are down, just like virtually every other company. But the company has a responsibility to its share holders. You start thinking… When does the 1st fiscal quarter end: March 31st. When aren’t you going to be paid: March 31st! Can this really be a coincidence. You start thinking maybe you are over thinking it..

But the thought lingers in your head. How much money could they really save by not paying us. Just for kicks, you do the math. Of course, you have no idea what people make, so this is by no means scientific, but just say we take an lowball average of $1000 per employee. That adds up to 200 Million Dollars!!! Heaven forbid we add in quarterly bonuses and monthly bonuses. You shudder to think about how much money is not being reported properly. It’s impossible to say how much money that is. You think could they really be doing this to delay this expenditure until the second quarter when things will hopefully get better? You think to yourself: This is some Enron stuff. If you can figure out this move, then who knows what else is going on behind the scenes. Should you be worried???

Here’s my question: Are you being paranoid? Are you overthinking the situation? Are you just plain wrong? I’d love to hear your opinion!

Savannah Slang

2009-01-09T00:00:00.002-05:00

This one started as Thursday Thirteen, but I abandoned it for 2 reasons: Number 1: I couldn’t think of thirteen things. And Number 2: You guys don’t read those for some reason. I figured I would trick you into reading by coming up with a fake title. LOL.

So, as most of you know, I was raised in Savannah, Georgia. As a northerner transplanted into this sleepy southern town at age 11, a lot of things were different than what I was used to. The weather, the food, the people. But most of all, the language. They said some stuff that I had never heard before and even after living there for 14 years, it still took some getting used to. Anyway, here are some of the words and phrases that permeated my youth in Savannah:

Steef – It means to steal. I don’t know if it’s a combination of steal and thief, but that’s what they used to say. I’ll use it in a sentence.
Example: Hey, man! Stop trying to steef my bike! My daddy gave me that and I ain't seent him in years.

Hey-ay – I remember when I first move down south, everybody said hey instead of hi or what’s up. And it’s that elongated hey that lasted like 2 syllables.
Example: “Hey-ay, Lakeisha! (Cuz all the girls had an name that started with la and ended with an a) How are you?

Box – This meant to hit or to fight or slap the fire out of someone.
Example: “You better back up or I’ma box you!”

Iknowdatright - This is the ultimate affirmation. And it always ran together. You can’t say I know that’s right if you really meant it. If you really mean it, you say something like this...
Example: “That girl’s weave was jacked up!!!” “Iknowdatright!”

Get the go – This is the 80’s Savannah equivalent of going steady. If you had a girlfriend, you were going with her. Somehow that got transformed to “getting the go.”
Example: “Aww, man! You a punk. You scared to get the go with LaCienaga!”

Skreets, skrimp, skrawberry – Str = Skr in Savannah talk. No further explanation need.
Example: “Hey dawg! Let’s go skrait down to River Skreet and get some skrimp and a skrawberry soda.”

Boonkie –it means booty, butt, arse, gluteous maximus. I had a homeboy that they called Sugar Boonkie which he for some reason answered to. I need to ask him about that if I ever see him again. And if you said “boonkie buddies” that meant they were having relations. Not only for ghey people, it also worked with men and women.
Example: “Laquienetica got a phat boonkie”

OOOkay –Pronounced OH!!! Kay. This annoyed me for the last few years I lived there. I don’t know where it came from, but I wish they would have refused delivery. You probably can’t get the full gist of how it sounds. It’s an extreeeeeeemly long O sound with a minor kay sound. Maybe I’ll due an audio clip so you can hear it sounds. Another affirmation.
Example: “I like that new OutKast album.’ “OOOkay, that thing is fie (fire.)"

‘tindo – Short for Nintendo. It stood for any video game system. You could be playing a Sega Genesis, and it was still tindo.
Example “Mama, Rommel won’t let me play ‘tindo with him.”

Blowed – Or blowing me. It means a couple of things. It means you are shocked. It means you are disgusted. It means you are annoyed. I wrote a long 3 part post called Blowed on my old blog. I’m not sure if this one was regional or not, because me and my homie Kareem got everybody on the Eastern Seaboard saying it. Or maybe, they were saying before they heard us, but you get my point.
Example: “Son, why is my job talking about laying people off. It’s really blowing me.” Or “I was so blowed when Falcons lost to the Cardinals the other day.”

Da C-Pote – This is short for seaport. They call Savannah the seaport city of the south. My people call it Da C- Pote. You don’t pronounce the r, you barely pronounce the t. “You don’t come over here disrespecting the Westside.
Example: "This da C-Pote, you lame!”

My Latest Obsession

2009-01-08T02:08:00.003-05:00

I've been known to fixate on things over the years. My current obsession: The AFI 100 Years...100 Movies List. For those that don't want to click the link, basically in 1998, AFI (American Film Institute) compiled a list of the 100 greatest American movies over the last 100 years. It was voted on by 1500 people in the movie industry. There's all kinds of criteria that they use to pick the movies, but that's not important right now. What's important is my obsession...

A few years ago, I had the bright idea that I was going to watch all 100 of the movies on this list. I had seen some, but for some reason I thought that if I was going to be a true movie fan, I should watch them all. The idea languished in the recesses of my mind trapped behind other obsessions such as blogging, downloading every single song I could find by Little Brother and anyone remotely affiliated with the Justus League (What up, Adei? I know you think that's weird, but it is what it is. LOL) and watching the entire series of several TV shows, such as the Sopranos, Gilmore Girls, and countless British crime series. Yeah, I know that's a lot of obsessions, but at least I'm not hurting anyone, right?

Fast forward to late 2008. I'm dating Jameil and she is a documentary filmmaker. We started watching tons of movies, some documentaries and other's fiction. I got back in the swing of watching movies all the time. I remembered my old idea of watching all these movies and thanks to Netflix, Turner Classic Movies and the University of Florida library, I put the plan in action. First thing I did was make a list of all the movies I hadn't seen. There were around 55 out of the 100 I needed to watch. Then I started getting the DVDs in the mail from Netflix and taking advantage of their Instant Viewing option. I was making significant progress on the list. Some of the movies I thought I would hate (ie westerns and musicals), I actually liked. Conversely, some of the classic movies on the list were straight garbage to me (The Graduate, The French Connection, Midnight Cowboy.) I guess everyone has his own tastes. Before I knew it, I was down to like 25 movies when I discovered something. AFI updated their list in 2007. That meant that 27 more movies were added to the list. Sure, I could have just went with the original list, but what kind of obsessive behavior is that? I decided I was going to watch every single last movie on both the 1998 list and the 2007 list. I remembered that Turner Classic Movies often plays these movies, so I went to their website and got the schedule for when they were coming on. I added that to my list. I figured if they are coming on TV, I didn't need to wait for Netflix to send them to me. I flew through the movies with ease. It wasn't until I got to the end that I knew it would get more difficult.

See, there were several movies on the list that I was NOT looking forward to watching. The Marx Brothers movies (I think there were 2) took some self prodding to watch. Turns out I loved them. I also have a strong aversion to silent movies. There were way too many of them, and I just can't get into movies without dialogue (with the exception of Charlie Chaplin's City Lights. I actually liked that one.) For the most part I watched those on fast forward, only stopping to read those stupid title cards that explain what's happening in a particular scene. Even though I was dreading those, I made it through those with relative ease. Then the biggest problem: the racist movies. "Birth of a Nation" was basically a propaganda movie about the formation of the KKK. It was incredibly racist, and even though I watched it on fast forward, I saw enough horrible blackface caricatures and Klan glorification to last me 10 lifetimes. Also, Gone With The Wind. I haven't watched that one yet, but I seem to remember back when I was a militant midget (James Evans 1976), hearing about how it was racist. I will soon see, as it is one of only 2 movies I have left to watch.

How's that for obsession? In three months, I've watched at least 70 movies and only have 2 to go. "Gone With The Wind", which Netflix doesn't want to send me for some reason, and the 1939 version of "Wuthering Heights" which is supposedly out of print and not available anywhere, (although my sister who is sharing in my obsession says she found it in the library in Savannah and should be bringing it with her this weekend.) With any luck, I will be finished with this obsession by Monday, and ready to move on to the next one. Any ideas on what I should fixate on next?

Can We Talk About Something Else?

2009-01-07T09:32:00.000-05:00

Anything? Please? I don't want to be anti social (okay, that's a lie), but do we really have to have the same conversation every day? I know we aren't exactly friends, but if we must converse, can we talk about a topic that doesn't involve sports, music, or some woman you think is hot?

I know the Falcons lost. I saw the game, I saw SportsCenter, I read about it on the Internet. I know the college football championship game is on Thursday. Yes, I'm gonna watch it. I know the Celtics have been slumping even losing to my Knicks the other day. Basically, I'm up on all the sports news. I don't really need to recap it with you every day.

And the music? No, I haven't gotten anything new. Even if I did, when I tell you about it, you have NO IDEA who I'm talking about, so why do we continue to have this facade of a conversation? We don't listen to the same music. You like that down south hood music. I like hip hop with actual lyrics and beats that don't sound like they were made on a Casio keyboard. And while I can appreciate a clever line about drugs as much as the next man, "quarter brick, half a brick, whole brick ayyy" doesn't exactly qualify. If that's your ish, as you say, we don't need to talk about music ever again.

And the women? Dawg, for real. I'm 34 years old. I think you are even older than I am. I left the locker room talk when I was actually required to be in a locker room. That's high school stuff, dude. There's nothing wrong with looking at women, but do you really have to look like you been in jail for two years and they done let you loose (Andre 3000, 2008). Do you not see women every day? Is it really a surprise that in a building that is 75% female, there are some attractive ones? Is calling them b*tches really what we are still doing in the '09? It's time to grow up.

Basically, I'm saying this on my blog, because I'm not gonna say it in real life. I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU! But if we must can we please find another topic? I don't care what it is. We can talk about the migratory patterns of monarch butterflies for all I care. Anything but sports, music and women. That's been overdone. You're about to make me go back to the old school Rashan that spent his lunch break in the car to avoid these inane conversations. I guess this is why I don't have male friends.

The Incredibly Futile Search For Mexican Food On A Monday Night

2009-01-06T12:50:00.002-05:00

I got home from work around 9:15. Jameil was waiting for me, ready to go get some Mexican. We headed to El Toro by the Northlake Mall. We pulled up around 9:30, but there was no one in the parking lot. That’s always a bad sign. Jameil got out to see what time they closed. Although they closed at 10, they looked like they were already shutting it down. We pretty much knew we weren’t gonna get what we wanted. I drove down La Vista, to another Mexican restaurant that I had seen, but never went to. Same thing there. Closed at 10, but nobody was there. Wait staff cleaning up and we didn’t want to be the last and only people in the spot. Before we left Jameil had looked on the internet and found another restaurant, a little farther away, but open until 1. As we drove through the rain, I started to get hungry. We finally arrived at the spot and saw that it was not only a Mexican restaurant, but a billiards hall as well. That immediately aroused my suspicions, but Jameil being far more adventurous than I was still down. I watched as a couple of guys went in the spot. They didn’t look like Mexican gangsters, so I was okay…until Jameil saw the sign…

GUNS NOT ALLOWED UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES

Yeah, we both had to pass on that one. Any place that has to tell you not to bring a gun, obviously has had problems with people bringing guns. Next…

So, in the same shopping center, there was this large, brightly lit restaurant called Santo Domingo or something like that. It looked safe. So we walked inside. You ever seen those movies when someone walks in the room and all activity stops for a minute? Yeah, that’s how this spot was. There were only a few people in there, but it seemed like it got mad quiet and they were eyeing us like how dare you interlopers step in our restaurant. After a few seconds, they went back to their domino game, and a non English speaking waitress sat us down and gave us menus. First thing I noticed was that this wasn’t Mexican food, it was Dominican, which I also knew from my uncanny knack of being able to tell what kind of Hispanic someone is. (I also now realize that Santo Domingo is a city in DR, but I wasn't thinking at the time.) The menu was in Spanish and English, and I was ready to leave. With the people looking over at us, and the menu not having burritos, oh and the $7 Margarita made with margarita mix, I wasn’t feeling it. Then it got worse. The waitress came to take our order and Jameil was asking questions about the entrees. The waitress had no idea what Jameil was saying. “Un Poquito English” or something like that. Somehow we managed to get across to give us a minute.

At that point, I was like we shouldn’t eat here. But I figured that I would get something to go, just so the trip wouldn’t be a total waste (and so they didn’t give us the Dominican sideeye for leaving. LOL) I ordered a Cuban sandwich. Can’t go wrong with that, right? So, we sat in the booth and waited for the food to come. And waited.. And waited… And then waited some more. All the time we were getting funny glances from the bones (or whatever dominoes is called in Spanish) players. It was an absurd comedy of errors. While we were waiting, I remembered that I had limited cash on me and wondered if they took credit cards. Jameil was like “Is this really a place you want to use your card?” She was right. I could just see my card number being used to buy Reggaeton CDs and soccer tickets. Luckily, Jam has some cash on her. Finally after about 15 minutes, she finally comes out with my sandwich and we leave.

We were going to another joint in Midtown that I thought stayed open until 1, but we had to pass my crib to get there and we were just tired of this futile search for Mexican food. You know what we did? Stopped at Sonic. LOL Not exactly what we were looking for, but at least we got to go home. Oh yeah, that Cubano??? That joint was banging! At least something was good about the food search.

Jameil

2009-01-01T21:02:00.003-05:00

Is sooooooooooo awesome! My life is nothing without her. (Obviously) Georgia Bulldogs are the worst. GO GATORS!!! I'm getting an orange and blue tattoo tomorrow.

I'm Having A Party...or maybe I'm not

2008-12-30T17:17:00.004-05:00

Last week, I (or Jameil) had the bright idea to have some people over to the crib. Jameil was already gonna be there, and then Adei was coming to town too. We decided that we should make it a blogger meetup and invite Joy and I heard La was in the A too. The plan was we would have a get together, not so much a party, but just people eating and/or drinking at my crib.

Well, as things tend to do, plans got muddled. It was on, then it was off. Such and such was coming, then they weren't. Jameil was gonna cook, then she wasn't. I woke up this morning not really knowing if it was going to happen. It continued on to my work day. I didn't find out for sure that people would still be coming over until just before lunch. Right now, I'm at work and Jameil is either at the grocery store getting ready or laying around doing nothing. Not really sure. I'm pretty confident that when i get home, there should be food and drinks waiting, but we'll see. Anyway, the point is this: If you are in the A right now, and want to hang out with other bloggers and promise not to just show up at my crib whenever you feel like it, send me an email (visionz74@yahoo.com) and I'll let you know where the gathering is. (Magnolia - I know you don't blog but once every fortnight, and probably won't read this but you are last minute invited too. LOL) That is unless plans fall through again in which case I will sit at home drinking beer and watching tv. Either way, it sounds like a plan to me. One!

A Very Special Christmas Edition of Thursday Thirteen: 13 Things I Love About Jameil

2008-12-25T08:26:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas, everybody. I'm not sure how many people will be reading, but if you are, here is another collaboration with Jameil. Actually, she hasn't read this ahead of time, but the idea was constructed together. Be sure to check out Jam's list of what she loves about me.

1. Our Long Phone Calls - Being in two different states, the majority of our time is spent on the phone. I love how we can always find something to talk about or even just enjoy each other's silent company as we do different things. I think the longest we've talked on the phone has been 15 hours in one day.

2. Following Dreams - I love that Jameil is following her dream to make documentaries. A lot of people have lofty ideas, but never do anything about them - present company included. I'm so proud that she is actually taking action to make this a reality.

3. Sense of Humor - We have some of the craziest, most hilarious conversations. I wish I could put some of them on the blog sometimes, but I'm not quite sure everybody would get the joke, or if they did get the joke, they may not appreciate us laughing at you. Needless to say, in a 15 hour phone convo, there has to be lots of humor to keep it interesting. Jameil has that part covered.

4. Passion about the news - Okay, this may get on some people's nerves, but I love it. Whenever we are watching any local news show, Jam immediately starts critiquing it. This comes from her background as a news producer. She knows how things should be done, and always points it out if its done incorrectly. I've learned a lot just from hearing her rant about the news, and you know I like learning new stuff.

5. Accepting My Weirdness - I'll be the first to admit that I'm not normal. In fact, I wear weirdness as a badge of honor. This can turn some people off, but Jameil seems to take it in stride. It's a good thing, because my brain isn't turning normal anytime soon. LOL

6. Talking About Anything - I don't know if there is any conversation that is off limits with us. We can talk about the past without any strangeness. We can talk about the future without any nervousness. We can plan our hypothetical kids names without either of us running for the hills. I love that no matter what the topic, we can keep everything in perspective and not have to be all guarded around each other.

7. Long Hugs - When I first see Jam after two or three weeks, you can bet that we are going to be locked in an embrace for several minutes. I can tell that she is genuinely happy to see me, and the feeling is definitely mutual.

8. Making Fun Of Each Other - We are ridiculous with this one. The same way we make fun of other people, we make fun of one another. It's all good natured teasing. She loves to call me old because I am 7 and 3/4ths years older than her. She likes making gay jokes about me since I like a lot of TV shows and movies that most heterosexual black males don't watch (i.e. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Gilmore Girls, etc.) She knows she can do this because I can take a joke. I'm not one of those sensitive cats that's gonna run off crying in a corner because somebody ribbed me. I do the same to her, but I'll leave those off the blog. I'm not crazy, ya know.

9. Food - Whether she cooks or we go out to a restaurant to eat, we gonna eat. And we gonna eat good. And I love that she is not scared to try new places. It's cool being able to go to some new spot and experiencing new culinary delights. I've had situations before where we always went to the same restaurant week after week. We definitely have our go-to spots, but there's always some new food adventure around the corner. Also, she's introduced me to the wonderful world of brunch. Where has that been my whole life?

10. Strong Personality - I love how UN wishy washy Jameil is. She knows what she likes, she knows what she believes in and she doesn't waver. The way she presents her self is the way she is. There's no fakeness in her. I never have to wonder if she is just saying something to keep me happy. If she doesn't agree, she'll tell me ~~forcefully~~ that she doesn't agree. You never have to guess if she feels strongly about something. Jameil is an antonym for the word sycophant.

11. Falling Asleep - I love when we fall asleep together. It feels like the most natural thing in the world, holding her while we watch a movie. Or her rubbing my head til I drift off. It's the sweetest thing. I definitely miss that when I'm not with her.

12. Competition - Lots of things between us are competitions. We've had 3 day long sessions trying to outdo each other. For example, once we had a competition to see who could say the most outrageous thing about a certain blogger. That thing dragged on forever until I finally was tapped out. It started on personal email, moved to work email, and continued on the phone. Neither one of us wants to give in first. These are friendly competitions by the way. Neither of us are sore losers. (If she would ever lose, she might be a sore loser. She always seems to get the best of me in these competition with her ol' stubborn self. LOL) By the way, we don't often have comment competitions, but when we post about the same thing, best believe its a battle. The posts when we announced we were dating, she won that time. Last week's T-13 was a tie. I'm hoping that my bloggers will represent for me this time! COMMENT ON MINE, NOT HERS!!!!!

13 Hey... - Cuz I know it's gonna be followed by "I Love You." It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside no matter how many times I hear it. I love you, too babe!

Hire Me?

2008-12-24T13:00:00.003-05:00

Amidst all the talk about my company being "in a position of strength" and "poised for the future" comes the reality that we are just like everybody else. People will be getting laid off, bonuses are being cut, belts are being tightened. I can see the writing on the wall. I'm not saying I'm gonna be without a job, but I need to prepare for the possibility. Okay, I know that sounds depressing on Christmas Eve, but we had a meeting yesterday that pretty much sealed what I already knew. Times are tough. It's a recession, and I need to find a new job. I've been looking, but there really aren't too many jobs out there. Especially, ones that fit my unique skill set. Instead of sulking or stressig myself out, I'll deal with this the same way I deal with just about everything. By mocking it...

The following is a tongue in cheek list of my qualifications just in case any of you wanna hire me:

I can belittle people with my above average intelligence: I may not be able to do the job the way you want me to do it, but I'll come up with a better way to do it, all the while making my peers and superiors feel stupid. At every job I've had, I've always been the go to person, even when managers and/or people that have worked at the company for 10 years are around. It gives me a dual reputation of an uppity negro and savior. Every company needs that dude you love to hate. You need that in your company? Then, hire me.

I can effectively manage all my sick and vacation time: You know those people that have 10 days of vacation left at the end of the year, or never use any of their alloted sick days? That's not me. I can guarantee you that I will schedule all my vacation in advance and that I will not work the week of Thanksgiving. You don't have to worry about scrambling trying to find days to give me off at the end of the year. Also, that pesky sick time? You wont have to worry about paying me for that (if your company does that.) I'll use it effectively throughout the year. I won't be sick, but I'll use those days anyway.

I can figure out ways to beat the system: You know how some people have problems adapting to changes? That's not me. If you change our goals, then I'll figure out a way to manipulate said goal for my benefit. Things that most people complain about, well let's just say, instead of complaining, I'm figuring out a loophole. Ask my last job. They've changed our goals 7 times in 12 months. But I've always managed to find a way to avoid the pitfalls that other employees fall in. I'm still standing!

You don't have to feed me: Office parties, potlucks, bringing donuts to the office. That can get expensive. Well, let me tell you that I won't be participating in those. That's one less greedy person that you have to spend money on. That can add up. I'm helping your company's bottom line.

Overtime? Are you serious: Yeah, I won't be doing overtime. You don't have to pay me no time and a half. I'm all about 8 hours and going home. I've had jobs previously where I worked 12 hours a day, and I'm not down for that anymore. So, yeah, don't have to worry about me taking all your loot.

I can attract work stalkers like nobody's business: You may wonder how this is a good thing. Well, you can guarantee that these work stalkers will be at work early and every day to see me. It doesn't matter if I don't pay them any attention, they'll be there. That has to be good for your productivity!

I won't ever leave: When I get a job, I'm way too lazy to find another one. I've worked a place for 5 years, one for 6 years, 2 for 2 years. I'm what you may call loyal. You don't have to worry about me running to the competition. I'm a be there until you kick me out.

Okay, that's enough being silly. Merry Christmas Eve! I'll be posting tomorrow on Christmas: 13 Things I Love About Jameil... a kind of follow up to last weeks Thursday Thirteen. If you are around, check it out. If not, Merry Christmas, and I hope you get all the presents you wanted. ONE!

Overheard While Checking The Mail

2008-12-20T17:32:00.003-05:00

*BANG BANG BANG*

"Open up! I know you in there"

*BANG BANG BANG*

"Stop playing, I see your car out here"

*BANG BANG BANG*

"Why you got me out here looking like a fool? Just open the door. Let's talk about this."

*BANG BANG BANG*

"Who is she? Why you picking her over me?"

*BANG BANG BANG*

"I'm a beat that bitch ass when I find her."

*Door Opens - It's another woman*

"Why you making a scene out here. Go on home, you knew what this was"

"But baby..."

*Door Slams*

Thursday Thirteen: Things I Do To Annoy Jameil

2008-12-18T12:00:00.001-05:00

Today's T 13 is things I do to annoy Jameil. It's usually not on purpose, but sometimes it is. Also, don't be reading this and thinking that there's trouble in paradise. These are just minor things that we've noticed over the last 5 months. At least, they are minor to me. When you get done reading this one, go ahead and check out her list of what she does to annoy me. We collaborated on these the other day, and I think they are pretty funny. Let's get started.

1. Stand by car door with door open - Okay, I don't do this one anymore. But when we first started seeing each other with frequency, when I would open her car door, apparently I didn't move to my side of the car quickly enough. I would leave the door open while we finished our sentence or I would just pause long enough to make sure I didn't slam the door on any of her body parts. Sounds reasonable, right? Not to her. LOL. So, being the jerk that I am, once she brought that to my attention, I switched it up. I opened the door, closed and sprinted around the car to my side and said "Was that quick enough for you?"

2. Say "I'll call you tomorrow" - I guess its supposed to be a given that we'll talk tomorrow. When we are getting off the phone, she feels it unnecessary for me to say that. Perhaps it is, but sometimes I do.

3. Eating, or rather not eating - Sorry, babe. I have horrible eating habits. I eat once a day, and I know you thought that you could fix me, but I've been doing this for almost 20 years. Even when I do make it to 2 a days, it never lasts more than a week. I've tried to change it, but it just doesn't work. She likes to tell people that I don't eat, which is not accurate. I have gone 24 hours without eating before, but I don't think I've done that recently. Plus whenever we are together, I'm gonna eat at least twice, sometimes 3 times a day like a normal person. But when I get back home, I revert to what I know best.

4. Talk like I have a G.E.D - That's what she calls it. I call it just making fun of people around me. People in Atlanta say Collipark (College Park) and East Pernt (East Point). Rapper say funny things on these hood songs. I like to imitate them. I actually can speak the English language, but every now and then I don't and that annoys her.

5. Leave the room - I should clarify. Leaving the room without telling her where I'm going. Or if I tell her where I'm going, not having a good enough reason to leave. It's crazy. When we are at my place, if I leave the room or stop being her (as V Dizzle called me) her man pillow, Jam gets really annoyed. So what if I have clothes in the washer or if I have to see a man about a horse? I can guarantee if I move, I will hear the following phrase: "Where are you going?" Sometimes, its a question, other times its akin to a threat. Like "Nigga, did I say you could move?!?" LOL

6. YouTube rapping - As just about anybody that has talked to me can attest, I speak in lyrics. There's always a hip hop lyric that correlates to what we are discussing. For example, if someone says "They need to get it together", immediately that Jay-Z lyric from Mya's "Best of Me" song pops in my head.

Ma get it together or forget it forever
When I go at you hard I can get it through leather
You actin like Jigga can't get at whoever
Talking you got a man, okay ma, and?
That's high school making me chase you round for months
Have an affair, act like an adult for once...

Okay, so I know that's ridiculous, but then I decide I need to hear that song. And another song that reminds of that one, and then next thing you know, I'm rapping along to all of the songs from that era. Then I you tube it back a few years and listen to some obscure rap song that got played on Rap City three times, yet I know all the lyrics to. I understand that may be annoying, but do I complain when she starts singing Danity Kane or Mariah? Nope! LOL

7. Wear old fubu stuff - Even if she doesn't see it, she gets annoyed with my hoodie. And I had this old FUBU T shirt that I wore when she was here, complete with a hole from a blunt I dropped on it 10 years ago. Truth be told, I just wore it to bother her.

8. Try to manage her time - Okay, this is one that I don't do, but she thinks I do. All I do is take an interest in her school work. If there's a film or a paper due, what's wrong with me asking how far along she is? As much as I may want to manage her time, I don't actually try it. But I'm sure to hear the following phrase if I ask what time she is going to the library: "CAN I MANAGE MY OWN TIME?" I shouldn't really put a question mark on that, because it wasn't a question. It's a statement telling me to back off. I seldom do though. I just wanna know what's going on. Lord knows, that between the two of us, there is no time whatsoever being managed. I don't know which of us is the bigger procrastinator. Anyway, that sentence is sure to annoy her, if she isn't laughing too hard.

9. Not asking the question that I want to know the answer to - I call it conversation, she calls it annoying. The only way I can explain this one is to give an example:

Me: Did you go to the library today?
Her: Yes.. blah, blah, blah.
Me: Did you get a chance to read my blog today?
Her: That's what you wanted to know. How come you didn't just ask that?

See, I wanted to know that, but I also wanted to know the first part. If she didn't go to the library, then I know she didn't read my blog. I don't see anything wrong with following a line of questioning instead of just jumping right to the point. Does this make any sense? Which one of us do you think is right? LOL

10. That I have no friends - I really don't see why this one is a problem. More time for me to spend with her, right? On the real, I've become a self contained unit. I like my own company better than most people's company. Plus, I never disappoint, don't listen or make me go places I don't wanna go. It's seems like a winner to me. It really has to do with the people I've been meeting and hanging out with. They just don't share my same interests, and why should I subliminate my interests to hang out with people that care about other things. I'm perfectly fine with hanging by myself.

11. Avoidance of conflict - Me and my family don't talk about bad stuff. We just prefer to let it fade away. If something is bothering me today, it'll be gone by tomorrow. No need to have hurt feelings too. Jameil can't stand that. She feels I should slap various members of my family. Okay, I'm being bratty. She just feels that we should talk more. I understand, but what works for her fam doesn't work for my fam. It annoys her when I just let things go without talking about them.

12. Book on Tape Voice- She calls it my gay voice. LOL. It's not that at all. When I'm reading her something, which I sometimes have to do with her lack of consistent internet, I sometimes break into a very deliberate, slow paced and emoting voice. It's almost like I do characters when I'm reading. It's funny to me, not so much to her.

13. Over explain who I'm (or she is) talking about - Sometimes, I just need clarity. She knows a lot of people, and I get them confused sometimes. Like she'll mention her line sister, and I'll say Nichole? Or I'll talk about Eric and say, you know Kristie's fiance? It's just for clarity's sake. I get that I don't have that many people in my life, but she has tons of people she knows. They be getting mixed up in my head, yo! I just have to make sure we both are talking about the same person. Do I see it as being annoying? Nah, but it is what it is (that phrase could probably be # 14 if I were to keep going. LOL)

I Just Might Be Crazy

2008-12-17T14:18:00.003-05:00

Crazy

That’s me… Why am I crazy this time, you ask? Go ahead and ask...
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I’m glad you asked. I’ll tell you. I’m crazy because I was up until well after the sun came up this morning. What in the world was I doing awake until 8:09 AM, you ask? Again, go ahead and ask…
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Thanks for asking! I was up until 8:09 AM playing around with ITunes. This is what happened. I’ve had the same 806 songs on my iPod for ummm, about 3 months. When Jameil was here the 1st time, she accidentally took my iPod charger with her. She brought it back Thanksgiving, but I’ve been too lazy to go through my thousands of songs and pick new ones to put on there. I only have the 4 gig joint, which is more than enough, but that means I have to switch my music out. Anyway, last night, I decided to give Kanye another chance (I actually like it now that it’s been mastered properly. The bootleg joints I was listening to were pretty annoying), so I downloaded his CD. THEN… I decided to add some more old music from my cd collection. I found my Faith CD that I’ve been looking for for awhile. The Mary J My Life was all scratched up, but then I found my old favorite group from high school: Gang Starr. THEN… as I was importing these, I noticed that a lot of my bootleg mp3s didn’t have the correct information on them. Like they would be missing an artist name, or the wrong album was listed, or the name of the song was just totally wrong. That’s what you get when you don’t actually pay for the songs. Well, I started editing the information. THEN.. I saw that I had duplicates of some songs, so I figured I should go through and delete those to free up more space on my computer… THEN…I noticed I had some stuff in my iTunes that I would never ever listen to, so I deleted those too.

Next thing I know, its 7:30 and I still haven’t picked what songs I was gonna put on my iPod. Since I had to get up in 3 hours, the prudent thing to do would have been to just go to sleep and deal with that tomorrow, but I’ve never been one to be a slave to prudence… In the words of Eric Cartman: Whatever I Do What I Want!!! (That would have been more effective I wasn’t at work, and could link it. I’ll just go ahead scratch out this whole sentence. LOL I really need to go to sleep!) I went through my library and picked about 400 songs, and then couldn’t take it anymore, so I crashed. I knew if I went to my bed, I would never in a million years actually wake up, so I curled up on my loveseat, turned my Netflix instant viewing to a PBS documentary about the Statue of Liberty and fell asleep. Two hours later, my phone started yelling at me to wake up and I somehow managed to wake up and make it to work on time. Crazy, huh?

You may ask why I would do something like this. You know how this works by now… ASK ME!!!
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…

Well, I’ll tell you. Refer to the title of the post. I’m crazy! Not all the time, but sometimes, I just can’t control the way my brain works. It’s almost like OCD, except I don’t have to go in 5s or 3s. I just can’t stop a task until I’m finished. Anyway, I’ve written enough in this sleep deprived diatribe. I guess I should do some work now. Peace!

The Secretive Cradle Robber Conversation.

2008-12-16T14:20:00.004-05:00

Actual Work Conversation.

Cast Of Characters:
Rashan
Dark Skinned White Girl (DSWG) - The white girl that talks like a Vivica A Fox movie character.
Yes, I'm A Lesbian (YIAL) - The woman that likes to offer details about her sexuality even when nobody asks.
Kenyan Like Obama (KLO) - the African that talked about the election every day since the primaries.

DSWG: Was that yo guhl I seent you wit at Gladys Knights? (Chicken N Waffles)

Rashan: Yeah.

DSWG: She was SUPER CUTE!

Rashan: I know. (turns away)

DSWG: I didn't want to interrupt that's why I just waved and ish.

Rashan: Yeah, that's cool.

KLO: You saw Rashan's girlfriend? He really has a girlfriend?

DSWG: MMM-HMM. I seen him and his boo. They were super cute together.

YIAL: I thought she lived in Florida.

Rashan: She does. She was up here for Thanksgiving.

YIAL: Hey, she's younger than you right? She's in college?

Rashan: She's getting her Masters. She's not like an 18 year old. I'm not R Kelly or nothing.

YIAL: But she's a young tenderroni, right?

KLO: Rashan, are you a dirty old man?

DSWG: She looked like she was about my age.

Rashan: She's 26.

YIAL: And how old are you?

Rashan: 34.

YIAL: STOP LYING!! YOU ARE NOT 34!

KLO: He is. I've seen his license. I didn't believe him either.

DSWG: SHAWN W(she always calls me by my first and last name) You that old?

Rashan: Yeah, I'm 34.

YIAL: Go head, player! I like young girls too. My wife is a lot younger than me too.

Rashan: She's not a lot younger.

KLO: Yes, she is! That's how men in Kenya are. They like their women younger.

Rashan: Okay, the Rashan portion of this conversation is over...

DSWG: Daaang...it's like that, boo? He don't never talk about his personal life. I knew him for a year and he ain't never said nothing to me.

KLO: How did you know he had a girlfriend? He never talks about himself.

YIAL: Girrrl, you know how I am. I wanna know something, I'm gonna ask.

DSWG: He don't be telling me nuffin'

Rashan: Anytime you want to change the subject...

Rashan Vs. Dem Gangsta Cats Part 2*

2008-12-14T17:41:00.000-05:00

If you read this post, you already know about the cat population by my crib. Actually, read that post when you get a chance. I'm freakin' hilarious. LOL. Anyway, I had another run in with a cat last night. ..

I was coming home from a long boring day at work. My manager, who for some reason went to culinary school, cooked for us. We had chicken leg quarters, some kind of fish, roasted potatoes, 4 cheese mac and cheese and a broccoli- carrot concoction. The food was pretty good, but being that I don't like to eat at work, I brought most of it home. Anyway, I get out of my car and walk up the stairs to my apartment, when all of a sudden a kitten comes running towards me. Normally, cats are scared of strangers, but not this one. She started purring and rubbing up on my leg. I'm like go away... Actual quote was "Hey, dawg! Beat it!" Yes, I know it was a cat and not a dog, and yes I know that he doesn't speak English. Anyway, I unlock my door and open it a little, but the kitten runs toward the door. I quickly shut the door, so she wouldn't get inside, but I didn't get inside either. Every move I make, the kitten followed. Jameil, who was on the phone with me tells me to stamp my foot in the kitten's direction. I tried that, but she wasn't scared. I made menacing movements, I lifted it up with my foot and moved it out of the way, I kicked it (softly, don't call PETA on me), but this little thing was determined to hang around and climb up my pants leg. Finally, I got an idea...

I had fish in my tupperware container. I opened it up, and threw some towards the adjacent apartment. Then when the kitten went to eat it, I opened the door and made my way in... Only, I underestimated the speed of this little kitten. Next thing I know, she's inside the apartment, and I'm outside looking stunned. She runs around my living room for a few seconds, as I am comically chasing her. She zig zags past me at each attempt to pick her up. Finally, I open my container of food again and throw another piece of fish outside. She runs out the door and I slam it shut, laughing at myself. For the next hour, this little cute kitten (yeah, I said it. she was cute) was meowing at my door. Poor little thing wanted to get out of the cold and get some real food. She had a collar on, so she probably belonged to somebody, I hope they found her.

*Technically, this cat was more stalker than gangsta, but I just wanted to use that title again. LOL

Thursday Thirteen: My $100 $150 Or Less Christmas Wish List

2008-12-11T11:00:00.000-05:00

Since I have a killer case of the hiccups that wont allow me to sleep, I decided that I would do a Christmas Wishlist. I realized while writing this, I probably am a nightmare to shop for, cuz I never really care what I get, and I'm not good at dropping hints. It probably stems from all these years of not getting any gifts. My siblings and I don't exchange gifts, and mom and grandma usually go the gift card route. Anyway, here some of the things I would like for Christmas. All linked products are merely suggestions unless specified by name in the description.

1. Bose Computer Speakers- Most of the TV I watch is on the computer. I also watch alot of movies on Netflix Instant Viewing. I need to upgrade from these factory speakers I have.

2. GPS System - Do I need to elaborate on the many ways I get lost... even in my own city. I need this in my life.

3. A Watch - I'm tired of looking at my cell whenever I need to know what time it is. Plus, I would feel a little more like a grown up if I had a watch.

4. Car Audio - I'm always in my car. 35 minutes to work, 5hrs to Gainesville. I have an iPod adapter but it plays through the FM stations and in certain places it doesn't work. I would never buy this for myself, but it's Christmas, so someone can do it for me.

5. George Foreman 360 Grill - My old Foreman crapped out on me, probably because I submerged it in water several times trying to clean it. Glad this one has detachable grills.

6. Music Box Sets - Like Marvin Gaye , Stevie Wonder , or Al Green. Something classic.

7. Restaurant Gift Cards - Brother gotta eat, right?

8. Clothes - I didn't link cuz I don't know what I want. Plus Jameil was supposed to fix me, but it hasn't happened yet.

9. Shoes - see #8 I'll let you pick out what I should wear. Size 12 please.

10 Atari Flashback 2.0 - cuz the Wii is too expensive to put on this list.

11. External Hard Drive - gotta find a place to store all my ~~porn~~ mp3s. LOL

12. Cold Hard Cash - or gift cards if you think giving cash is tacky. LOL

13. Digital Camera - don't really need one, so much as I just want to get a new one. I keep seeing people with these cool cameras and I want one.

3

2008-12-10T14:24:00.001-05:00

Do you know what today is? (TonyToniTone 1992) It’s my anniversary. I’ve been in this blog game for 3 years today. I had big plans on writing something profound or writing a post pretending to quit, but I didn’t, so now I’ll just freestyle something. It’s been good and bad, exciting and mundane, brilliant and pedestrian. I’ve met some cool people, some not so cool people, some people I thought were cool that turned out to be not so cool. I’ve met blog friends, blog stalkers, blog girlfriends, blog phonies, blog peeps I wouldn’t mind hanging out with. I’ve read interesting blogs, terrible blogs, annoying blogs, blogs that make me think, blogs that make me sick. I’ve been blog obsessed, blog apathetic, and where I am now, somewhere in the blog middle. I’ve had blog beef, blog drama, blog crushes, blog debates. Basically, I’ve done it all except get paid for this thing. Anybody got any ideas on how I can do that? LOL

Anyway, it’s my anniversary (I refuse to use that word that combines blog and anniversary.) Who knows how much longer I can go, but I don’t have any plans on quitting any time soon.

Excuse Me, Sir or Madam (as the case may be)

2008-12-09T15:24:00.002-05:00

Excuse Me, Sir? I don’t know if you realize this but you are wearing bright purple pants. I mean, perhaps you got dressed in the dark and didn’t realize that you are wearing your woman’s pants, but I just thought I should let you know. You probably noticed that them slacks were tight when you put them on, but for some reason that didn’t deter you. And while some may applaud your bold choice of adding black cowboy boots to your ensemble, this untrained eye just thinks you look silly. Perhaps, its Prince day in your department and you are going for the androgynous look. If so, I apologize for bringing this to your attention. I just thought you should know how much of a clown you appear to be.

Excuse Me, Madam? I wanted to let you know that you have the most irritating voice known to man. I wish you didn’t not start sitting directly across from me. Your voice sounds like you swallowed some helium from a balloon, only not as high pitched. I got it: its like you swallowed the helium and its starting to wear off, but it never quite gets back to a normal pitched voice. Also, I don’t hear an accent, but the words you use make me think that English is not your first second or fourth language. Could you kindly do me a favor and reduce the volume of your voice? I know you can’t do anything about the quality of it, but you can at least use what preschool teachers call “your inside voice.” Thanks in advance.

Excuse Me, Ma’am? I can tell you that I really don’t care about you and your girlfriend or as you call her, your wife. I don’t need to know when you fight. I don’t need to hear about what you cooked for her. I don’t need to hear about your bedroom activities. I sure don’t need to hear about how your grown daughter doesn’t liker her. Can you please just keep a few aspects of your home life at the house? I don’t begrudge you having the rainbow so prominently plastered all over your desk, but so much of what you prattle on about would fall into the TMI category by anybody’s standards. Just thought I would let you know.

Message

2008-12-08T13:59:00.001-05:00

FYI to the Holiday Decorators…

The Cat in the Hat has nothing to do with Christmas. Perhaps you meant to do something with the Grinch? He stole Christmas, not that cat. I know times are hard and we are not gonna put up that huge Christmas tree and all the lights to save money, but could you at least get that right for me? Just because its low budget, doesn’t mean it has to be tacky. Thanks in advance!

Lazy Blogging

2008-12-07T00:18:00.000-05:00

In an attempt to not let Jameil post 100 times more than me this year, I present to you some lazy blogging. I'm supposed to bold the things that I've done, so I did.

1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars.
3. Played in a band.
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

I ALREADY GAVE!!!

2008-12-05T02:09:00.003-05:00

The biggest pimp I know? The Un.i.t.ed W.ay. Now before you get all up in arms and think I'm disparaging one of the countries biggest and most well known charities, just hear me out. The UW is ubiquitous. Not only do you see their commercials during every NFL game, chances are the company you work for is working with them. I know every job I've ever worked has had some kind of fund raising effort for the U.ni..te.d Way. Don't get me wrong, I think its a very good cause, its just... too much.

Look, I'm all for working for the community. Charity is a good thing. But I personally feel that if you give me a choice and I don't want to donate, then that should be the end of it. Every year it's the same thing, no matter what company I work for. There's an introduction to the UW followed by a request to pledge a donation. They take checks and credit cards, but to make it easier, just let them take it directly out of your paycheck. If you don't wanna give, then that's fine too. HOWEVER, you still need to go online and say that you aren't gonna give any money. I guess that's so some people will feel guilty saying no. That's easy enough. It takes 5 minutes to make your pledge or to say you aren't gonna give. Like I do every year, I made my little pledge to the UW. But wait, there's more...

Next, the companies have to supplement the donations. Just having everybody in the major corporation donate is not enough. It's like UW says, "Get back on that corner and get me some more dough." So, like a good hoe, the companies go back on the stroll. They have to get creative to create more cash flow. Some of the things I've personally seen at my jobs have been bake sales, silent auctions, car washes, golf tournaments, raffles to sporting events, and my personal favorite meetings with pseudo celebrities. You too can meet the third string offensive tackle from Atlanta's Arena Football team for a nominal donation to the UW. Yeah, how about no! I ALREADY GAVE MY DONATION. Can you back off me with the crappy contests? But wait, there's more...

Then come the emails. The emails that tell you how far away from our donation goal we are. The emails that tell you that you can always increase your pledge. The emails that tell you about the next fundraiser. The emails that come from an over exuberant coordinator that try to guilt you into giving more money. The excessive sometimes 2-3 times a day emails that flood your work email box. The emails that I actually no longer read because they just get on my nerves. When I was out of the office for a week, I returned to 23 emails about the UW. I was only gone for 7 days! There can not be that much information to provide. If I'm gonna give, I'm gonna give. If not, you aren't gonna change my mind. The worst part about is that I ALREADY GAVE!!! I don't need the constant reminders. But wait, there's more...

Now, it's the last week of the donation period. It's time to have a representative from UW come pimp us, I mean talk to us. As if we hadn't heard enough about them over the last 2 months, now we get to hear personal anecdotes about UW and see inspirational and uplifting videos about them. Like I said, I'm all for charity, but one thing I can't abide is someone trying to manipulate my emotions. Don't show me pictures of snotty nosed kids, or old infirm people in wheelchairs, or welfare mothers who couldn't comb their hair before getting on camera. I'm not drinking the UW Kool-Aid. Like I said...I ALREADY GAVE!!! I mean for real, all this harassment makes me want to rescind my pledge and just give it to the first homeless person I see.

Like I said, I know the U.ni.ted W.ay is a good organization. They work with all kinds of community groups and provide help to a lot of people. I support them. But something has to be done about the browbeating and constant haranguing for donations. There has to be a more dignified way to do this. Am I the only one that notices and gets annoyed by this? Also, I don't know if you heard, but we are in a recession. People can't just be giving to charity, when they can't afford their mortgages or food for their kids. Wait a minute, scratch that... I guess they can donate to the Un.it.ed W.ay, and then the Un.it.ed W.ay can use that same money to help them out.

PS - I was gonna call this post "Rashan Gets All Worked Up Over Nothing!" LOL

Open Letter To President-Elect Obama

2008-12-03T13:52:00.003-05:00

Okay, I know I haven't posted in a while, but I'm back now. I'm blog inspired again. I think this is a good one, which means that everybody else will think it sucks and I'll get like 3 comments. LOL

Dear Mr. Obama,

I don’t usually do this. I’m not the type that asks for help from his government, but in light of recent events, I feel compelled to intervene on behalf of those that do not have a voice. We’ve all seen what the government has done with recent bailout of the financial sector, most notably AIG (who I used to work for.) We’ve heard the requests of the Big Three automakers for federal assistance. I know that you are probably reticent to provide additional bailouts with the criticism levied your way about being a Socialist, but this group needs help. And if the government doesn’t do it, I don’t know who will.

Let me give you a little background. I’ve been noticing that the declining economy has been affecting this industry for awhile. Parking lots that once were full languish half empty. People that once would spend their hard earned paycheck in these establishments, now only indulge on special occasions. There just has not been as much disposable income to stimulate the economy in these tough times. But Thursday really drove the point home. As much as one hears about Black Friday, there’s another big day that drives spending… at least in Atlanta. It is affectionately known as Booty Shaking Thursday!

Booty Shaking Thursday is the fourth Thursday in November. It’s a tradition that after all the football, after all the food and after all the family time, men (and lesbians) from all over the city descend on their favorite strip club to give thanks for what God has given…to the strippers (or if you would prefer me to be more politically correct, we can call them dancers.) What’s more American than leaving your family and indulging in hedonistic behavior? Well, this Thursday I saw the unthinkable: There were virtually no patrons at the club as I drove by. Quelle Horror! It’s often been posited that stripping was a recession proof occupation. People will always pay to see women in various states of undress. Well, I’m here to tell you, Mr. President-Elect. The old ways of thinking are wrong. We need fresh ideas in order to stimulate our economy. We need our government to bail out some strippers (and not in the normal way of bailing out because she got a little too “friendly” with an undercover or her cocaine fell out of her boot.)

The ramifications of BST are far reaching. Imagine if there were no strip clubs. It wouldn’t just affect the owners and employees. It would damage our economy. Sales of Coronas and Patron would plummet. Who would buy those clear heeled shoes? The local beauty shop’s business would dry up because no strippers = no lace front weaves and no hideous blonde wigs. Glitter would be used only by kindergartners with school projects. What about that guy in the bathroom that hands you a paper towel after you wash your hands? He would have to get his crack by robbing people instead of the tips of drunken patrons. What about babysitters? If these dancers don’t have to work until 4 in the morning, then they can take care of their own kids. And the big meaty looking bodyguards and bouncers? The NFL ain’t hiring them, so where will they work? They can’t fit in a cubicle! Where else can you find a pack of Blacks for $7, everywhere else they are 3 dollars! That’s $4 dollars a pack stimulating our economy. Think about the economy, Mr President-Elect.

While some people may oppose this plan, I urge you to look at it objectively. It wont cost nearly as much as bailing out GM, and unlike American cars, people actually like strippers. Can you imagine a world where there are more dancers than customers? I, for one, don’t want to live in a world like that. I know you are anti-lobbyist, but if it would help, I can send Persuasion, Peaches and Chocolate Tiger to Washington to plead our case. And don’t worry, I won’t tell Michelle.

Sincerely,

Rashan Jamal

Plans? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Plans!

2008-11-28T10:47:00.003-05:00

Thanksgiving was pretty darn cool. We didn't do what we were supposed to do at just about any part of the day, but we made the best of it.

Wednesday, I drove back to Atlanta, after spending the early part of the week at Jameil's crib in Gainesville. The plan was to leave a few hours before her, so I could come clean up my place and get my car registration situation handled. I left about 11:30 when she went to class and was making my way up I 75 when one of my tires blew out on the highway. I was about a mile from the nearest exit, so I rolled on 3 wheels and made it to safety. Long story short, I had to get two new tires at the Wal Mart in Cordele, Ga and my 3 hour head start on Jameil was gone. She met me at the tire shop, and then we headed to my crib. I didn't get a chance to clean up or go to the grocery store, but it was all good. The only place in the area that was open when we got home, was Applebee's, so we got some burgers and some beer and came back to the crib. Didn't work out like I planned it, but no harm, no foul.

Thanksgiving, we were supposed to get up with one of Jameil's friends in the area for dinner. Let me backtrack on this one for a minute. We were invited like 2 months ago, but as the time drew near, there were no details emerging. I kinda felt like it wasn't gonna happen, but I'm a natural pessimist anyway. As Tuesday came by and we still didn't have details, I annoyed Jameil into calling the friend to make sure that it was still gonna happen. She was supposed to send an email with all the details and addresses, etc... Wednesday came, no email. Thursday came... no email. I was like forget it. Let's just go for self. So, we did. We went to Boston Market and got our own Thanksgiving dinner. Chicken, creamed spinach, mashed potatoes, sweet potato souffle, green beans, cornbread and an apple pie. We brought it back to the house and ate it with the bottles of wine that we had bought to bring with us to the non existent Thanksgiving dinner. (Incidentally, Jam got a text message around 3 telling us to come eat. By that time, I wasn't trying to go anymore.) It was probably better that it was just the two of us anyway.

Later that night, we were gonna go to Lenox Mall to watch the lighting of the Macy's Christmas tree. It's nothing like the Rockefeller Center tree, but it's pretty big for Atlanta. It started at 7. The plan was to leave at 6. Well, laziness set in and Jam was taking FOREVER to finish washing her hair, so next thing you know it was 6:45. We still went out there, and possibly could have made it to see the lighting, but there were a bunch of people there and it would have taken forever to get out of the parking lot, for 5 minutes, then turn around and leave. Instead, we went to an alternate destination. I found this while Jam was twisting her hair up. I kept it as a surprise. I can never keep a surprise from Jam. Either I spill the beans, or she figures it out. But this time, I managed to hold it in. We drove downtown to Centennial Olympic park. The whole time she's trying to figure out what we are gonna do. It was so cute, she was like a kid on Christmas morning.

What did we do? We went ice skating!!! Or should I say, Jameil went ice skating. I didn't manage to make it off the railing. Yeah, I'm too old and too uncoordinated to be busting my tail. I felt like I was gonna fall at any and every moment. It was not a good look. I got some pictures of Jam skating around the rink that I'll upload when I get a new USB cord for my camera. I somehow managed to break it. Anyway, after we left the rink, we walked around the park, taking pictures of ourselves in front of the big tree and the other holiday decorations. We are so cute! You should see the pictures. LOL

Anyway, so like I said, pretty much nothing went according to plan, but it was great nonetheless. I've been with Jam for 6 straight days and have managed not to annoy her to tears yet. 3 more days!!! We are supposed to hit up the GA Aquarium at some point this weekend, maybe hang out with one of my friends that wants to take me out for my birthday. I'm not even gonna make any plans though. You see how that's been working out for me.

Happy Birthday To Me

2008-11-25T00:00:00.003-05:00

Where's my presents?!?! If you got my number, I better get at least a text from you!!! If not, hit up my comment section and show some love for the brilliance that is Rashan Jamal!!! Don't trip; It's my birthday. I'm allowed to be self indulgent for at least one day, right? If you don't wanna do that, then leave your funniest old man joke in the comments. At 5:38 PM, I will officially be 34 years old. I came along way from the little baby in the picture, huh?

The Obnoxious Vacation Post

2008-11-21T22:26:00.002-05:00

You feel that? That's the palpable feeling of relief emanating from me. Why, you ask? CUZ I'M ON VACATION!!!!

No more stinkin work for me for 9 days (okay, I'm counting the weekends, but you get my point.) No more work for the rest of the month. I get to enjoy my birthday on Tuesday, Thanksgiving on Thursday and the rest of my time relaxing and doing nadadamthing. I can sleep as long as I want. I can veg out for the whole day if I like. No forcing myself to go to sleep so I can be semi capable at work. Do you hear me? I'M ON VACATION!!!

No real plans to speak of as of yet, but I'm starting it off by going to Florida for a few days. Then I think Jam is gonna come up here when her classes are over. Either way, its cool. You know why? CUZ I'M ON VACATION!!!

You may or may not see posts from me in the beginning of the week, since internet service is sporadic down at Jameil's, but if you don't hear from me, have a great week. I'm sure I will... CUZ I'M ON VACATION!!!

Okay, obnoxious moment is over. Time to hit the highway. Peace Out!!!

The Best Blog Post...EVER!!!

2008-11-19T04:00:00.004-05:00

Not really, but have you noticed that everything is the best thing ever? Or how every little occurrence is historic? Or how people make up meaningless records when writing about insignificant things. I hate that. Hyperbole gets on my nerves. As a former English major, I understand the purpose of it, but the overuse of exaggeration is so annoying. In fact it's the most annoying thing EVER!!! (see what I did there? That's hyperbole!) It's my own fault for having Yahoo!! as my homepage. Their so called news headlines are nothing but sensationalism. I just happen to like their search engine better than Google. (Since Google owns Blogger, do you think they will try to edit this post? LOL) But their news and entertainment, even their sports headlines reek of misleading, overblown headlines. I mean, really do I really care if the NFL has never had an 11-10 game? No, but even if I did, it's a stretch to call it historic. I'm sure there's never been a game that ended 300 - 2 either. Now, that would be historic. And to say that the latest James Bond movie had a record breaking box office performance... for Bond films: that is not a real record. There is no entry in the Guiness Book of Records for this category. If there was, then I'm sure that Breakin 2 would hold the record for best box office for a movie featuring a bunch of ghey looking dudes spinning on their heads while pretending to be hip hop. (See what I did there? I made up a fake record! LOL) And to say that Samuel Jackson is the biggest box office draw... EVER is patently ridiculous. Dude was barely in Star Wars. And he is in every other movie ever made. (See, more hyperbole!) How you gonna count that for his total? Stop exaggerating. When is the last time you went to see a movie because Samuel L was in it? Deep Blue Sea? Unbreakable? (Yes, I know you are gonna say Soul Man, but for the purposes of this joke, just forget about that one. LOL)

So, in conclusion... STOP WITH THE HYPERBOLE! It's not the best week ever! It's not the most historic non event ever! Those are not real statistics and records! You are getting on my nerves with all that and that's no exaggeration. You know what? If you can't beat em, join them. I'm gonna start making stuff up too. Here goes nothing...

This is the first time in my blog that I've linked to Wiki Answers! That's historic.

This post marks the 511th consecutive blog post that I've used the word "the." That's a record for bloggers named Rashan that live in the Atlanta Metro area and have a birthdate of 11/25/1974! (don't really click. I just linked right back to myself - LOL)

Ellipses are the best... form... of... punctuation...ever!

THIS IS THE BEST BLOG POST...EVER!!!

Therapy

2008-11-15T19:22:00.000-05:00

I had a breakthrough earlier this week. I finally understand why I am the way that I am. I get it from my mama…and my father. I learned this during my therapy session (sleep therapy that is)…

Perhaps, if I felt that something was wrong with me, I could have realized this earlier, but darn it, I like me. I feel like if you have a problem with me, that’s your problem. So, no… therapy is not an option for me. That’s what my blog is for. Or that’s what my amazing coping abilities are for. Or my avoidance… wait, that’s probably not a healthy response. But as I was saying, my breakthrough came to me in a dream. The details of the dream escape me. I don’t even remember my parents making a guest appearance, but the general theme was blaring in its clarity: I am my parents’ child. Physically, there’s no doubting that. You can see elements of both my mother and my father in my visage, my mannerisms, my thought process. This is a little deeper than chromosomal traits. The way that I am is like they way they were. Let me give you a couple examples.

I love my family. Really, I do. But I’m not the call all the time type of person. I easily can go a month without calling and checking on people. It’s not that I don’t I want to know what they are up to, it’s just I feel like if they have something to tell me they will. Consequently, I play the black sheep role. I’m not complaining, its only temporary and it’s of my own doing, but I realized that may just be a learned behavior. My father used to do this same thing. We would go months without hearing a word from him, then when we visited him in the summer, it was like Father’s Knows Best up in there. I always wondered how a man could virtually forget about his children when they weren’t around, and be a loving parental unit when they were around. I vowed to myself that when I became a father I wouldn’t be like that. My convictions about that are very strong, so no worries about me failing that way. I guess, however, I failed to see how I do that with other people though and how it relates to him. Here’s another example…

When I get in a relationship, I give it my all, sometimes to the detriment of other previously established relationships. I know this about myself: my girl will take precedence over my friends. On its own, that’s a good thing. A real friend should understand that. During my previous long periods of singletude, I’ve warned friends, when I get a girlfriend, I’m gonna disappear for a minute. However, I tend to take things to the extreme. For example, I hung out with a friend last night that I hadn’t seen in 4 months. Now, not all of that was because I’m boo’ed up, but I haven’t even wanted to hang out with anyone else since me and Jam started dating. I got a call last week from my mom. The message went something like this… “Just because you all in love, don’t forget about your mother, and grandmother etc.” That brought certain memories back because my mother did the same thing back in the day. I remember when I was in high school, my mom was engaged to a man that had a daughter that was about a year older than me. She spent way more time with her fiancé and his daughter that she did with me and my siblings. She once forgot to come home to take me somewhere, because she was with them. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t care cuz I got to do whatever I wanted without interference, but I have to wonder: Is that where I get it from? I’m sure if my mother would vehemently disagree were she ever to come across my blog, but I think that’s where I subconsciously learned it.

Another thing I learned from my parents was avoidance. Or maybe a better word is repression. We don’t talk about stuff like hurt feelings and disappointments. Why confront when you can pretend it didn’t happen? Why bring up an issue when you can wait for it to disappear on its own? Jameil can’t stand this. I can’t say that I blame her, but that’s the way we were raised. Talk about good things, ignore the bad things. It works for us. I personally would rather be the family that is civil to each other than the family that screams, yells and feuds with each other. Don’t get me wrong, I know there’s a happy medium in between these two polar opposite positions. Maybe I’ll find it one day. I realize that I take this tactic with my friends too. I honestly can say that I don’t always tell my friend what I’m thinking. Scratch that, I never tell them what I’m feeling unless I cushion it in my trademark sarcasm. Is it any wonder that when I have something to say, it doesn’t get taken seriously?

So, with this in mind, over drinks at Eclipse Di Luna last night, I broke from my normal pattern. I laid out my issues with my friend. I told her why I haven’t been calling or answering. I confronted the possible hurt feelings; I unburdened myself for the betterment of our relationship. (Lest you think I’m being dramatic, it really only was like 3 sentences and matter of fact. I’m not an emotional type) I guess that dream affected me more than I initially thought. Let’s see if I can modify some of my other learned behaviors. Probably not! I like who I am. Thanks Mom and Dad!!! You guys are awesome!!!

Thursday Thirteen: 13 Areas In Which Blacks and Whites Can Find Common Ground

2008-11-13T11:47:00.006-05:00

Its been well documented (by comedians) that black people and white people are different. While on the surface, this is true, there are certain areas in which we can find common ground. Here are thirteen of those. *disclaimer* - These are in no way meant to apply to all black people and all white people. I am fully aware that people have many divergent opinions*

1. Keeping up with the Joneses - Both whites and blacks have a problem with this one. Whether its buying a house that you can't afford, or driving the newest, biggest, gas guzzlingest SUV, both groups often spend beyond their means. You don't believe me? What do you think this Fed bailout is about? People make unwise financial decisions is not exclusive to one race.

2. Smoking - You might hate white people but if you go to smoke and you don't have a lighter, you gonna ask the redneck with the confederate flag on his hat for some fire. Or you may be scared of the big imposing black man, but you'll get over that fear if it means a nicotine fix.

3. Throwbacks/Vintage - Black people call it throwbacks. White people call it vintage. But either way, its an old style and both of us like to bring back the retro vibe. Everything goes in cycles.

4. Baby Got Back - This song speaks to both black and white people. Throw it on at a function and you'll see the dance floor become integrated like Congress just passed a resolution.

5. Scantily clad women - This is one is for men, mostly. We give each other that look when one of them passes by. Race doesn't matter when it comes to perving out.

6. Drinking - You want to improve race relations in this country? Get a bottle and some shot glasses. People don't discriminate when they are drunk. White people love to buy Negros drinks and we love to accept them. LOL

7. Oprah - Just look at her audience. It's like MLK's dream up in there. Whether or not they maintain that when her show is over is irrelevant. Oprah is the poster child for inclusiveness.

8. Reality TV - We do watch different kinds of shows. They like The Bachelor and we (not me) like Flavor of Love, but the premise is pretty much the same. And I think American Idol is pretty much watched by all.

9. Weed - See drinking above. People can get high with anyone. And they like to compete to see who has the best stuff.

10. Mexicans - Or should I say not liking Mexicans. Some people think that black people can't be racist. Yeah, right!!! You should hear how some of us talk about Mexicans. It's eerily similar to the Jim Crow vibe from back in the day. Neither black people or white people want to live around them. And we both want them to speak English!

11. Sporting Events - For 3 hours on Sundays, there is no black or white. Just (insert team colors here.) We will hoot and holler and cheer with complete strangers of another race like we've been best friends for years. Just watch out in the parking lot. Old rules apply as soon as you leave the stadium.

12. The Wire - I have never seen a so called "black" show, that so many white people love. The show simultaneously appealed to both races by showing complex characters, not just racial stereotypes and the writing was top notch.

13. Barack Obama - November 4th proved this one. LOL

What's The Topic Of Tomorrows Thursday Thirteen?

2008-11-12T17:25:00.003-05:00

Take a look at tomorrows Thursday Thirteen list and try to guess the topic. Can you tell what these things have in common? I'll be back tomorrow with the actual topic and explanations, but for now, back to work! Peace!!!

1. Keeping up with the Joneses
2. Smoking
3. Throwbacks/Vintage
4. Baby Got Back
5. Scantily clad women
6. Drinking
7. Oprah
8. Reality TV
9. Weed
10. Mexicans
11. Sporting Events
12. The Wire
13. Barack Obama

La Dolce Vita

2008-11-10T18:46:00.001-05:00

So, I get home from work at 9 on Friday. Jameil is waiting for me after hours and hours of watching tv and using the internet. We were gonna hit up my fave old spot Eclipse Di Luna for tapas and caipirnhas, but I was actually hungry, so we decided to get something more substantial. We decided to hit up a restaurant in Atlantic Station and after perusing the menus online chose “Dolce.” I had never been there and it looked pretty cool online, so we headed there. After a couple of misadventures in parking in the garage, we arrived and found the spot. I was concerned that it would be packed as most Atlantic Station restaurants were back when I used to hang out down there. But when we got in, it was virtually empty.

The first thing I noticed was that the décor was really cool. And it was dark and romantic. I felt like I was underdressed, but the woman at the table next to us was rocking a tee-shirt, so we were cool. They had a live jazz band playing and although, I’m not really a fan of jazz (don’t shoot me) it was mellow and smooth and I dug it. Then I realized why I liked it: The band was playing contemporary music in a jazz style. Here are some of the songs they were playing:

Swagger Like Us
Chopped and Screwed
I Ain’t Mad At Cha
California Love
Flashing Lights
Lollipop
Mrs. Officer
I’m So Hood
Bust Your Windows
Green Light

Okay, now let me tell you about the annoying waitress. She sounded like a reject from that Hills show on MTV. We’ll just call her LC, cuz I don’t remember her real name. LC was waaaaaaaay too excited, talking 100 mph about everything on the menu. Jam and were like “We already know what we want” but it was hard to get a word in edgewise with her. She wanted to delineate every drink, special, appetizer and entrée. I was just looking at her like “breathe, child, breathe.” With all that speed, you woulda thought that the food would come quickly. You would be wrong. The drinks took forever, the appetizer took forever and a day and the entrée took forever, a day, and 37 minutes. Then once the food finally came, she kept checking on us like every 2.2 minutes. Give me a chance to taste my food before you ask me how it is. She was annoying, but despite that I was still digging the restaurant.

So, Jameil and I are eating. I had the Lobster Ravioli, she had some duck pasta thing that I would be doing a horrible disservice to by trying to spell. They both were really good. We’re eating and talking and texting Joy (who we met up with the next day) and listening to the Jazz band smooth out the latest hood hits, when all of a sudden I hear this:

**insert record scratching sound here**

What was that? Is there a DJ in the house now? 5 minutes later, the jazz band stops playing and the loudest, thumping-est, pulsating-est bass line you’ve heard in your life starts reverberating in the place. Okay, I’m exaggerating, but it was loud. And hood and totally killed the romantic vibe that Dolce had. If that wasn’t bad enough, some clown gets on the microphone and starts doing a radio promo.

“This is such and such from Hot 107.9. Welcome to Dolce…we about to get crunk… home of the sexiest…”

Honestly, I had no idea what he was saying. It was just a bunch of noise to me. People started milling about the restaurant, mixing and mingling like it was a club. Meanwhile, we still got food on our plates. Apparently after a certain time it becomes a club scene. It would have been nice for LC to let us know that during one of her way too frequent trips to the table. It was tres strange. How you gonna have a nice sit down Italian restaurant spot where the drinks cost $10 and has romantic lights, turn into a club? It wouldn’t have been so bad had I known and was finished with my meal, but for real, I don’t want to eat listening to Young Joc. That ain’t good for my digestion. LOL

Anyway, the vibe was killed, so we were just ready to get up out of there. I didn’t even stick around to get my Grand Marnier after dinner. I’ll know next time I go somewhere in Atlantic Station to make sure it doesn’t turn into a lounge. I guess I should have known when even the jazz band was playing hood hits what was in store for the evening. I didn’t like what they did… ALTHOUGH…. I woulda paid money to see the reaction of that older white couple that left about a half hour before the club started. That would have been comedy. I’m sure they wouldn’t have been more appalled than Jam and I.

YES, WE CAN!!!

2008-11-07T20:02:00.002-05:00

Can We Get On Your Nerves… Yes, We Can!!!

Being the jerk that I am, I’ve taken to subtly annoying those around me that did not join the Obama movement; Those that thought “No we can’t”. Yeah, you guys were wrong. For the first time in 8 years, its my turn to gloat. Certainly, we can’t be so jerky as to rub the victory in the non believer’s faces.. Wait… YES, WE CAN!!! It’s fun and the best part about it is that, I just work it into regular conversation so they know I’m being sarcastic, but they can’t prove it. Here’s some examples:

Someone at works asks me about a company policy. She say we cant do such and such… YES, WE CAN!!!

Talking to a client manager who asks me if I can do such and such… YES, WE CAN!!! (okay, I don’t know if he was on the team or not, but he was a Red Stater – LOL)

The unit manager that asks "Can we all commit to coming to work on time?" YES, WE CAN!!!! (except for today, I needed a haircut. LOL)

See, it’s fun. You all should try it out when you get a chance. The looks on their faces or the pauses in their voices are priceless. You wont have long to gloat, might as well get it out before the Inauguration!!! Let me know how that works out for you.

Letter To My Children

2008-11-06T01:47:00.003-05:00

11/05/08

My Dear Beautiful Children,

I'm writing this letter on November 5th, 2008, years before God blessed me with your birth. Last night, history was made when America elected it's first African-American president. Hopefully by the time you are old enough to read this and fully grasp the monumental importance of this day, you'll think that your old man is overstating and exaggerating. My dream for my children is a world in which distinctions of race are no longer common place in politics and employment. I pray the phrase "the first black" will not be necessary words in your lexicon. Maybe in your lifetime, African Americans will be considered just plain American, like other ethnic groups. I long for the day these barriers are no longer applicable.

I don't know if that day will come, but I have to tell you..America took a major step last night. We elected Barack Obama as our 44th president. An African-American with a funny name like your Daddy, was elevated to the highest office in the land. I never thought that I would see this in my lifetime. It wasn't too long ago that race was a prohibitive factor in our lives. The Civil Rights Movement was just a few years before I was born. I want go into too much detail, because I know your mother and I have instilled these roots deeply in you. Suffice it to say, the pride that I feel today is a direct result of the struggles our people have endured. But the thing that's so beautiful about this election is that it was not and could not have been done without other races. White people, Latinos and other races came together to support this candidate. History will tell you the facts, but what it can't tell you is how it feels. It's difficult to express the emotions that I feel today. Believe me, I tried in vain for hours to find the right words. I can only hope that the raw emotion I feel reverberates in this letter.

As proud as I am of Obama, don't mistake that for naivete. I'm fully aware that racism is alive and well. I know that a significant portion of this country would rather see him dead than as their president. I don't yet know if his administration will be a success. In spite of this, what the Obama victory represents for me and countless others is hope. Hope that people will look at my child and see a person, not solely a black person. Hope that in our country, a little black child can dream big and achieve even bigger. Hope that you will believe me when I tell you that you can do whatever you set your mind to, including become president. And hope that you never let your hope die. If Barack could do it, so can you! I'll see you in a few years.

Love Always,

Rashan Jamal - oops, I mean Daddy.

My Left Thumb

2008-11-04T10:33:00.003-05:00

...voted for Obama/Biden!!!

Thanks to all the early voting, the line was relatively short. I got there at 9 on the dot. Cast my ballot at 9:49, got some breakfast and now I'm done!!! I still have about an hour before I have to leave for work! Best believe I'm rocking my "I'm A Georgia Voter" sticker.

Random Observations:

I live in a culturally diverse area of DeKalb County. There are black areas, white areas, mixed areas and countless immigrant areas. When I voted in the primary, there were all different races represented. Today, however, it was pretty much 90% black voters at the polls. I counted 7 white people and 4 of them came in together.

I voted in an elementary school. Kids are so cute with their "Just Say No To Drugs" propaganda. There were all kinds of anti drug pictures on the doors of the classrooms. Poor, naive souls. LOL

Saw a sign on the walls that alarmed me. The theme of the month for the school was "Be A Citizen." One of the questions was "How many strips are on the flag?" Do you mean stripes? Also, it said "How many stars are their on the flag?" Do you mean there? It woulda been one thing if this was a student thing, but it was actually typed and printed. What's going on with the schools?

Somebody behind me smelled like an entire ounce of weed. I'm just saying, take a bath before you come to the polls and stand in line with hundreds of other people please.

Is there an unwritten rule that in order to be a poll worker, you have to wear a bad wig? Maybe just in my precinct.

On one of the classrooms, they had a poll of who the students would vote for. Obama 17, McCain - 0.

I got a parking space right in the front of the school. I started to park around the corner like everybody else, but something told me to take a chance. I was rewarded.

Had my camera but couldn't use it. Wish I coulda documented this experience.

The touch screen voting is really easy. I would recommend that all states use this.

It sure felt good seeing all these black people voting. I have the urge to call my grandma and have her tell me about the old days.

I don't do the smiling thing... but I had an involuntary smile come on my face as entered the voting booth. I know I musta looked-ed silly, but I didn't care. I BARACKED THE VOTE!!!!

2008-11-02T23:59:00.001-05:00

Time: 11/02/08 8:00 PM.
Place: The Swamp Restaurant - Gainesville, Florida...

I had just polished off my Hawaiian Burger... The majority of Jameil's Hickory Burger was in a take out box. Also, the waitress just brought the key lime pie that we ordered to go. I'm watching the Simpsons on mute, while waiting for the server to bring the check. Jameil opens the box and tastes the pie. Then she gives me a little piece. We are sitting inside, directly next to the door that leads to the outdoor dining area. An older (60's???) white woman comes inside...

"What were you just feeding him?"

Jam and I look around for a minute to make sure she was talking to us...She was...

"Key Lime Pie"

The woman stands there with her mouth wide open. I didn't get it at first. Okay, now I get it. She's pretending like she wants to taste some of our pie. We laugh and she starts to walk off. Then she comes back...

"Have you guys voted yet?"

We tell her that we are going to vote on Tuesday. I start to mention something about my experiences trying to early vote, but then realize that would prolong the conversation so I hold my tongue. The woman starts telling us about the importance of voting and how people have to vote...unless they are McCain supporters. They can stay home or vote on Thursday
We laugh some more, but through the jocularity, it hits me... as it hits me every time something like this happens... WE MIGHT HAVE A BLACK PRESIDENT!!!

I'm not one for inspiration or motivation, but even cynical old me can't help but feel inspired that in a nation that once considered us 3/5ths of a person, and didn't allow us to vote or even use the same water fountains, a person of African descent is being strongly considered to hold the highest office in the land. And he got there by appealing to all races in this melting pot. If that ain't the American Dream, I don't know what is... I don't know, I guess I'll get back to my regularly scheduled cynicism later, but conversations like this make me feel good about this country. Honestly, I didn't think it was possible. I've never been happier to have been wrong about something in my life. One more day!!!

Slacker Uprising

2008-11-01T21:27:00.000-04:00

Diva, was right again…

R. Jizzy got put on hold again. See what had happened was…

Jameil was supposed to come to Atlanta, but we had to rearrange the visit. So, I’m in Florida now and have limited access to the internet. Actually since we haven’t left the crib all day until now, I’ve had no access. Diva is gonna say that is not an excuse… True, she did warn me that wouldn’t be acceptable.. but uh yeah I got another excuse. I was gonna write it early and just post it, but I’ve been working early and staying late. And standing in early voting lines for 2 hours at a time and still not getting to vote. Anyway, I know I suck, but you’ll get over it. You know I’m flaky… why you acting all surprised? Okay, bout to go eat some dinner, so I’ll holla at you later…

13 Odd Things I Can Do

2008-10-30T02:55:00.005-04:00

1. I can say the most outrageous things and people will not get mad at me. Don't know why that is, but people often laugh it off instead of cursing me out. It's a gift and a curse though, cuz when I try to make people mad they don't follow suit. Or people get mad over stuff that I think is really innocuous.

2. I can identify what type of Latino or Asian someone is. I can tell the difference between Cubans, Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, and Colombians etc. I don't think Japanese people and Chinese people look alike. Same with Vietnamese and Korean. Don't go asking me about Laotians and Cambodians though. It only works with the major countries.

3. I can easily go 24 hours without eating or sleeping. Sometimes I just forget to eat. Sometimes I can stay up a full day without being tired. The flip side of that is when I do eat, I eat a whole lot and sometimes I'm almost narcoleptic like a couple of weeks ago when I was visiting Jameil. I swear I fell asleep every 20 minutes for 2 days straight.

4. I can remember minuscule details about stuff that happened weeks, months or years ago. But sometimes I forget what I was saying mid sentence. And there are entire sections of my life that I can't remember. Like college for instance. It's strange that I remember my 1st, 2nd and 3rd grade teachers names (Mrs. Polivy, Mr. Silverman, Mrs Bierman), but I can't remember some of my college professors names.

5. I find myself fully conscious during my dreams. What I mean is that I know that I'm dreaming while I'm dreaming. It still doesn't change anything that happens in the dream. Par example, I once had a dream that (that was in French with English Subtitles) about... well, it really doesn't matter what it was about. LOL. In the dream, I actually said "I'm dreaming. This isn't real." But that didn't stop it from feeling very real, even though I knew it wasn't.

6. I learn very quickly. I never study, but if I hear or read something, it will stick in my head and I'll be able to regurgitate it. I think because knowledge comes so easily for me, that I don't apply myself.

7. I can make up the harmony to songs. I can't sing a lick anymore, but I will arrange some harmony in my head. The melody? Not so much. I'm mad off key most of the time.

8. I think I mentioned this before, but I can recite all the Presidents backwards from Obama to Teddy Roosevelt. It gets a little murky in the 1800s though.

9. I can say the alphabet backwards. I read or heard somewhere that if you got pulled over for drunk driving, that was one of the sobriety tests. So, whenever I would be drinking (or smoking out) I would practice. I can do it better drunk than sober.

10. I can crack just about every bone in my body. Not so much a talent as something that freaks people out, but from my legs to my knees to most recently, my hip, I can pretty much do it on demand.

11. I have a knack for making people tell me their secrets. I think the trick is not asking, or showing any semblance of interest. That usually makes people spill the beans. I like it because I'm mad nosy, but the drawback is that I often learn stuff that I don't want to know. Or I learn stuff that I just can't keep to myself.

12. I can take a whole lot before losing my temper. Even when I do get upset, it never comes across the same way that it does with most people. I don't get violent or verbally abusive, I just say something sarcastic and then walk away. I don't wanna say that nothing bothers me, but a lot of things that would cause others to lose their religion, I can just shrug off. Maybe it's because I always expect the worst in people, so when they disappoint me, I'm not taken aback.

13. I don't have to go to the bathroom often. And no, nothing is wrong with my kidneys and yes, I do drink a ton of water. Perhaps it stems from my aversion to public restrooms, (cuz really what is more gross than doing your business with someone standing next to you) but I've trained myself to wait until I get home from work. Now, when I'm drinking, all bets are off, but otherwise, I can hold it.

Today I Should Have Been Anti-Anti-Social

2008-10-28T12:45:00.003-04:00

It’s been well established that I am anti social. I just don’t feel like being bothered. I haven’t hung out with the girl that I would have until recently considered my best friend in almost 4 months. I haven’t called her, haven’t really responded in a timely manner to her text messages. I avoided 2 after work functions with the co workers last week. I regularly avoid invitations from people to go out. Not that I am ever doing anything else, but I just didn’t feel like hanging out with them. The thing is, I have readily accessible excuses for not hanging out. Sometimes, I don’t even want to NOT hang out, but I have conditioned myself so much that its like a reflex. Sometimes, its just a reflex….

For instance, let’s take today. I’m at work when one of the Unit managers calls us (the training team) into the office. At first, he’s looking all dire like we did something wrong. He’s fidgeting with papers on his desk looking all nervous…

“You know, I believe in being direct.”

I’m anticipating what could possibly have gone wrong already. It’s only been one day of training so far.

“Anybody want to go to the Thrashers game tonight?”

And then he hands us tickets. That jerk got us good. LOL. Also, they aren’t just regular tickets; they are tickets for our company’s luxury suite at the Phillips Arena. I’ve never gone luxury box before. I’m not much of a hockey fan, but it would be a good experience on the company dime. But in order to get that, I would have to hang out with these same cats I see all day at work. Without thinking, I say:

“Aaaahhh, I wish I would have known. I can’t make it tonight.”

Why did I do that? It was just a reflex. I didn’t even mean it. I wanna go. I guess I can try to say I rearranged my plans, but I’m sure by now, he’s already given my ticket away. Darn this reactionary nature. Darn this anti social behavior. There’s got to be a pill I can take to get rid of this.

Quote of the Day

2008-10-27T14:26:00.002-04:00

"Damn, Bobby is nasty. He need to stop with that snuff. Teefs all brown and sh*t. I may not have many teef, but least dey be clean"

- Random Delivery Guy at Work...

That Guy

2008-10-25T11:31:00.003-04:00

Ladies and Gentleman, I have a confession to make. I'm that guy. I'm the one that's focused on the present and the future, not the past. I'm that guy that may or may not answer the phone, and I'm certainly that guy that will not ever be calling you to see how you are or to catch up about old times. It's nothing personal, it's just who I am.

You may be wondering why I'm bringing this up. Even if you're not, I'll tell you anyway. LOL. A few months ago, I joined this facebook like reunion site for my high school (and later my college). It was cool for about a week. Seeing how old friends were, catching up in platitudes and cliches (life is good. I'm staying busy.) I really just wanted to see how much better I looked than them. LOL But then I got bored with it. I'd found everyone I wanted to find, and the novelty wore off. However, because I'm me, people from my past seem to love to reconnect with me. That in itself is not a bad thing.

Reminiscing is a good thing. But after the initial "how have you been for the last 10 years" session ends, so does my interest. I can only take so much of the "remember when" conversations. I do remember. Now, I'm gonna go do something else. Truth be told, we aren't really friends anymore. If we were, then I would have known that you have 2 kids by the lame dude in high school that people liked even less than me. I would have known that you got divorced; maybe might have even received an invitation to your wedding. I would have known you just did a stint in the Mount Pleasant Iowa State Correctional Facility for taking a joy ride on your neighbors tractor and destroying his crops. But I didn't know any of these things, so upon hearing about it, I'm interested. But after hearing, I'm done. It was a good story, but now let's move on. I'm sure you have way more stories to tell, but let's pace this thing out. You don't have to tell me everything that happened over the years. Leave something for your memoirs. Let me be surprised!!!

I guess what I'm saying is that I don't look at these reconnections as an opportunity to relive the past. My life, as uneventful as it is, is my life. I don't lack stimulation. I don't wish to recapture the glory days. I'm not bored or trapped in a loveless marriage and need to escape my life. I just want to say Hi, satisfy my curiosity and move on. Maybe we can go for drinks if we are ever in the same city, maybe I'll talk to you again in 6 months, but I'm not looking for a lifelong friend. I'm certainly not looking to be your "in case of emergency, break glass" d*ck in a jar. Really, I'm not. Sorry (not really) to be that guy, but I'm not gonna answer my phone all the time. I may or may not call you back. It depends on what I feel or what I'm doing at the time. Just because we were cool when we were teenagers, doesn't make you a priority as an adult. (By the way, wanna know how to ensure I will not call you back? Call me multiple times on the same day during business hours when most people are at work. Or call me mad early in the morning. That'll guarantee that I will be too annoyed to ever call you back.)

But you should know all this about me already. You know how I am. I'm a loner. More than likely the reason we stopped talking back in the day is because I disappeared on you. Maybe even relocated to another city without telling you. Maybe I just stopped calling when I got a girlfriend. Or found a new set of friends when I stopped working with you. Or maybe I just needed my alone time. You know what? Whatever the reason, I'm that guy. You might just be better off not even making an effort. I'd hate for you to get your feelings hurt trying.

So to recap... No, I'm not gonna call you when I go to Savannah. No, I'm not going to Homecoming. No, I'm not going to meet you somewhere so we can catch up. No, you can't stay with me when you come to Atlanta. No, I'm not gonna answer my phone when you call. No, I'm not even going to listen to the message, so don't bother leaving one. Let's just make this easier for all involved. Send me an email. I'm pretty good at responding to them, unless of course I decide to ignore those too. I'm that guy sometimes too. LOL

The All Black Cabinet

2008-10-22T07:00:00.001-04:00

I'm getting pretty tired of all the political talk on blogs lately. It has more to do with the fact that I already know who I'm voting for and just wish the election would hurry up. I don't really need to read anybody else's opinion on the matter. Besides pretty much everyone I read thinks the same as I do. Obama is the man, McCain is not the man, and Palin is an idiot. I don't really need to read that same post every day. Never the less, I know its important to people, so I'll just deal with it for the next 3 weeks.

That being said, today's post is about politics. LOL.

Don't worry, this ain't one of those serious posts that decry Republican attacks, or talk about how good Barack is. This is some of that good old fashioned sarcasm that you've come to expect from Rashan.

~~White~~ people are funny to me. I don't if they actually believe half of the negative things they say or not, but it's ridiculous to me when they talk about how Barack is possibly anti-white, possibly Muslim (like being Muslim is a crime) or anti American. They act like he is some big time militant hell bent on destroying America. Whether you agree or not with the man's politics, it's seems pretty clear that voting for him is NOT going to bring about some revolution. But that got me to thinking... Do these people actually think that Obama will go out of his way to appoint unqualified people to his cabinet in an attempt to bring down the country just because they are Black? Which led me to come up with some totally fake cabinet appointments that made me laugh. And yes, I often laugh at my own jokes even if other people think they aren't funny. LOL

Secretary of State - Louis Farrakhan - He'll be in charge of changing America into a Black state. Plus he got something going for him if he's still alive with all the stuff he's said over the years.

Secretary of the Treasury -50 Cent. Who got more money than this guy?

Secretary of Defense - TI - You know he knows where to find the guns.

Attorney General - OJ Simpson - Don't nobody know more about the court system than this guy.

Secretary of the Interior - Little Richard. Mainly because I have no idea what this department does, but it sounds like interior design, which I think Little Richard would have a knack for.

Secretary of Agriculture - Freeway Ricky Ross. No, not the rapper, but the drug kingpin. You know this dude knows how to plan a crop and sell it.

Secretary of Commerce - George Foreman. If he can get rich of some cheap ass grills, then he definitely can get our trade going.

Secretary of Labor - Robert Johnson formerly of BET. If he can keep horrible Black comedians and horrible Black musicians working for all these years, he may just be the answer to unemployment.

Secretary of Health and Human Services - Dr Dre. Come on, he's a doctor for Pete's sake!

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development - Tiger Woods - I know what you are saying. Tiger ain't Black. LOL But follow me on this one. He got so much money and so many houses, that he could easily turn some of them into projects or subdivisions or little townships, villages or incorporated cities.

Secretary of Transportation - The dude that came up with the Expedition. Cuz niggas love big trucks. LOL

Secretary of Energy - Flavor Flav - you need energy, you call a hypeman.

Secretary of Education - KRS ONE - Who better to lead the way on education than The Teacher? Even if he sounds ridiculous and would be better served to just rap than to try to inform us.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs -Barry Bonds. Just cause white people hate him. A 20 year veteran who couldn't find a job last year. I'm sure he'll fix that when he gets this job.

Director of National Drug Control Policy - Marion Barry. Need I say more?

I know, I'm crazy. You got any to add?

Sleepy Time

2008-10-21T05:00:00.000-04:00

I'm back in town after 5 days in Gainesville with Jameil. It's been 3 months as of the 18th. Wow, who da thunk I could actually make it that long? LOL. Anyway, I've officially burned through all my sick time at work for the rest of the year, but it was totally worth it. I had a great time and I have vacation days in November and December, so I'll be all right. The only problem is the same problem I have every time I get back from out of town. I can't get to sleep.

Knowing I have to get up for work in about 5 hours, you would think that I should be sleep, but it doesn't seem to work that way for me. First, I had to take all my stuff out the car. I brought one of my TVs with me this time so Jam could watch 8 hours of Project Runway. Then I had to check my email. Read some blogs that I hadn't read for the last 5 days. Catch up on the sports highlights. Procrastinate a whole bunch.. and I'm still not sleepy. I guess I'm just wired from the 5 hour ride (which I completed in a little more than 4 hours this time. It's amazing how much time I can waste wandering around gas stations.) Anyway, the point is that I should be sleeping now. Its not that big of a deal. I only have to work Tuesday, Thursday and Friday this week. I guess I can catch up on sleep on Wednesday (which I have off because I was supposed to work on Saturday, before my *cough cough* sick time. Let's see what else is going on with me...

I came up with my preliminary plan to bring R Jizzy back to the blog world. I hope it works out. I'm gonna start that in November. The plan is to post every day next month. I did that last year and that's how me and Jam got cool. Speaking of Jam.. she's coming to Atlanta in a couple of weeks as Joy already knows from the text messages Jam sent from my phone. I promise none of those messages came from me, Joy! Any inappropriate comments were all her. My mom is having elbow surgery tomorrow, so think happy thoughts for her. She's funny. She called me tonight and told me to tell "my friend" she said hi. LOL. I'll be 34 in 34 days, so get your money together to buy me stuff. Okay, let me stop putting all my random thoughts in this one post and force myself to get some sleep. I'll be around your neck of the blog woods later today. Peace!!!

Team Chat

2008-10-15T22:34:00.003-04:00

I mentioned before that I work with the greediest co workers on the earth. This is an actual group IM session from last Friday. They talk about food all day...

Jr [1:21 PM]:
HEY

kj [1:23 PM]:
hey sf

sf [1:24 PM]:
good afternoon

Rashan [1:24 PM]:
peace!!!

RF [1:24 PM]:
hi

TW [1:26 PM]:
HELLO!!!!!!!!

JR [1:28 PM]:
WE ARE ORDERING FROM WING FACTORY AT 4:00PMISH
JR [1:28 PM]:
Please let me know I have menu's at my desk....

TW [1:29 PM]:
i hate when i have to order food when im full, i never want anything

sf [1:30 PM]:
lol

sf [1:30 PM]:
u will later cafe is closed

ll [1:34 PM]:
Hi team do you want to do a pot luck or order out on monday

rf [1:35 PM]:
now you KNOW LL I don't get paid until Wednesday.....

sf [1:35 PM]:
good thought since cafe is clsd

jr [1:36 PM]:
I want to

sf [1:36 PM]:
we could do pizza

tw [1:36 PM]:
i'm making spaghetti sunday. i could being that

tw [1:37 PM]:
it will be plenty

sf [1:37 PM]:
being????

Jr [1:37 PM]:
Rf you know you have a box a brownie mix on hand at all times

tw [1:37 PM]:
i dont have any money

tw [1:37 PM]:
BRING

tw [1:37 PM]:
sorry

tw [1:37 PM]:
hush jr

tw [1:38 PM]:
i mean sf

tw [1:38 PM]:
good grief

tw [1:38 PM]:
i need a nap

rf [1:38 PM]:
Good tw, that will go well withmy boloney sandwich.

tw [1:38 PM]:
lol

sf [1:41 PM]:
bologne

rf [1:41 PM]:
bologna

rf [1:50 PM]:
can we adjust the ac?

rf [1:50 PM]:
tw is burningup

sf [1:51 PM]:
lol

sf [1:51 PM]:
sh ecan move her seat

sf [1:51 PM]:
she can

lw [1:54 PM]:
WHATCHYALL EATIN TODAY?

lw [1:54 PM]:
I HAVE BAKED SPAGHETTI IF NE ONE WANTS TO TRADE...

lw [1:55 PM]:
IT'S HOMEMADE

jr [1:59 PM]:
If you order a small crack fries $2.45 lg $3.95

tw [2:11 PM]:
aint nobody trading lw...eat your baked spaghetti.

yw2:12 PM]:
unless you want to some clam chowder!

tw [2:12 PM]:
from a can.....

sf [2:12 PM]:
i have meatballs

tw [2:13 PM]:
im sure you do Sf....I've always known that you have "meat"balls

ll [2:13 PM]:
lmao

lw [2:14 PM]:
LOL

tw [2:15 PM]:
who has a menu

kj [2:15 PM]:
me

sf [2:17 PM]:
you know i love "meat"balls

tw [2:23 PM]:
lol

lw [2:24 PM]:
MY SPAGHETTI IS REALLY GOOD

tw [2:25 PM]:
then you should really enjoy it

tw [2:25 PM]:
i am being so mean today!

rf {2:25 PM]:
uh huh.....

tw [2:26 PM]:
i think its because bm isn't here

tw [2:26 PM]:
i'm filling in for her

tw [2:26 PM]:
so don't blame me, blame her

tw [2:26 PM]:
sorry Lw! I still love ya

jr [2:30 PM]:
would anyone be interested in karoke

tw [2:31 PM]:
sure

jr [2:31 PM]:
rf and I think it would be fun

jr [2:33 PM]:
tw are you having crack fries today?

tw [2:33 PM]:
no fries but maybe something else

jr [2:34 PM]:
ohh ok

jr [2:37 PM]:
kj are you ordering w/ us today?

kj [2:54 PM]:
sorry jr for the delayed response.....

kj [2:55 PM]:
...im going to eat chik fillet

kj [2:55 PM]:
however u spell it

kj [2:55 PM]:
thanx tho

tw [3:01 PM]:
chik-fil-a

jr [3:01 PM]:
No problem

tw [3:01 PM]:
but you go ahead and eat your chik fillet kebony, im sure it will be good

sf [3:04 PM]:
ice cream, small

sf [3:04 PM]:
in cup w/cone on top, pls

tw [3:16 PM]:
can i get some ice cream too?

kj [3:30 PM]:
how long does it take (redacted)

tw [3:30 PM]:
ill tell you if you buy me an ice cream

sf [3:30 PM]:
2 days

tw [3:31 PM]:
thanks a lot sf

tw [3:31 PM]:
2 days Kj

sf [3:31 PM]:
ur late

tw [3:31 PM]:
hush!!!!

tw [3:31 PM]:
im hustling here

tw [3:33 PM]:
?

kj [3:35 PM]:
thanx

tw [3:36 PM]:
so KJ, is that a yes on the ice cream?

jr [3:40 PM]:
I am ordering from wing factory at 4 anyone else?

kj [3:40 PM]:
what r u gonna buy me?

jr [3:41 PM]:
nothing

tw [3:41 PM]:
IF they take credit cards you good.

kj [3:41 PM]:
nothin

tw [3:41 PM]:
i can definitely afford Nothing!

tw [4:18 PM]:
kj, what time do you have lunch?

kj[4:18 PM]:
5 pm

tw [4:18 PM]:
aer you going to chik fil a

jr E [5:08 PM]:
For Monday are we just bringing in items like potlucking or are we going to order pizza?

rashan [5:10 PM]:
thanks jr for the fries

dw [5:13 PM]:
(redacted achievement)

lw [5:14 PM]:
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jr [5:24 PM]:
ur welcome

rw [6:10 PM]:
(lesser redacted acheivement)

ll [6:10 PM]:
congrads

dw [6:11 PM]:
that doesnt top my (redacted achievement)

sf [6:11 PM]:
lol

Rashan [6:11 PM]:
wasn't trying to

Rashan [6:11 PM]:
lol

dw [6:11 PM]:
but u failed

ll [6:11 PM]:
lol

Rashan [6:11 PM]:
i cant fail if i wasn't trying

dw [6:11 PM]:
terribly

Rashan [6:11 PM]:
i want you to feel good about yourself today

Rashan [6:12 PM]:
i know how low your self esteem is.

JR [6:12 PM]:
wow

JR E [6:13 PM]:
ouch

Dw [6:13 PM]:
yea ouch foreal

Rashan [6:13 PM]:
too much? lol

DW [6:13 PM]:
maybe your confusing me with your girlfriend??

LL [6:13 PM]:
lol

TW [6:13 PM]:
wow.....

RW [6:13 PM]:
nah, she got mad high self esteem

DW [6:14 PM]:
rahsannnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!

DW [6:14 PM]:
i thought you were my friend!

DW [6:15 PM]:
my heart is broken

RW [6:15 PM]:
I am... that's why I want you to feel good about yourself and your lil (redacted achievement)

RW [6:15 PM]:
you know your (redacted achievement) and my (redacted lesser achievement) gets us the same amount of points, right?

DW [6:16 PM]:
im done with this conversation

RW [6:16 PM]:
don't go

RW [6:16 PM]:
i have more sarcasm left!!!

TW [6:16 PM]:
lmao

JR [6:17 PM]:
wow

90 Minutes later...

LW [7:45 PM]:
ANYMORE SNACKS???

LW [7:45 PM]:
I AM HUNGRY...

And Now... A Word From Our Sponsor

2008-10-14T16:02:00.002-04:00

All over blogland, one question has thunderously reverberated…

“Where is he?...he…he…” (echo trails off)

Friend and foe alike have anxiously awaited his return…

‘I can’t wait for him to get back… He owes me money!”

The streets are waiting…

“We need him back. Don’t nobody speak for us no mo’”

Well, the time is afoot.. the time is nigh… Prepare for the return of….

(Explosions sound)

R. Jizzy!!!!

R Jizzy speaking/yelling:
That’s right, I’m back son! And wilder than ever. Get your blogs together, cuz the game’s about to change!!! Ever since I went on sabbatical, people been calling and emailing asking “Where’s Jizzy!, Where’s Jizzy!”. Well, I’m right here, dawg!!! I ain’t never left. I’ve seen people tryna take my throne. I’ve heard all the doubt. I’ve heard all the hate… Well, I’m back to take back my proper place at top of the blog world. All questions will be answered. All doubts will be erased. Son, you know what this is… R Jizzy… Blogger…Run Your Jewels, kid!!! Fresh for 2008, YOU SUCKAS!!!!!!!!

R. Jizzy returns… 11.01.2008…

Brought to you with limited commercial interruption by Dell… providing Rashan with the internet since 2004.

(If you have no idea what I’m talking about… check the side link and read Making The Blog.)

Things I Did At Work Today

2008-10-13T19:04:00.003-04:00

Today is Columbus Day, which may not be a big deal for you, but in the banking industry, it means that offices are closed. Well, most offices. Not mine for example... We are here... but I'm not doing a thing. Here's what I did at work today...

Clock watched.
Completed 2 USA Today Crossword puzzles
Watched TV on my computer.
Made snarky comments to other people
Clock watched some more.
Rated movies on Netflix.
Made a grocery list that I wont use
Read in depth analysis of week 6 of the NFL
Clock watched one mo gin
Listened to the greediest co workers in the world talk about food for 5 hours.
Listened to my iPod.
IM'd with my cool coworker.
Listened to a dude go through marraige counseling in the office.
Played spades.
Talked on my cell phone at my desk contrary to company policy.
Clock watched a whole bunch more.
Got paid time and a half for nothing.

I probably should have been blogging but I didn't feel like it. Plus there weren't too many updates today. Okay, I'm off to watch the clock for one more hour. I'M SO BORED!!!! Have a good day!