Keep Your Apology

"Don't ever fix your lips like collagen/ and say somethin' when you gon end up apology'n"

Kanye West "Can't Tell Me Nothing" 2007

One thing I can't stand is a fake apology. Whenever someone gets caught doing some dumb shit, they apologize like that's gonna make things better. I could care less about your apology because it's insincere. You can't just apologize for some shit that you meant to do. Just gets on my nerves. Like this "Dog" Chapman dude. The bounty hunter says "nigger" a whole bunch and then apologizes? Get the fuck outta here. You meant that shit. It's only because you got caught on tape that you are trying to apologize. By the way is anybody actually surprised that he would use that word? I watched his show one time and dismissed him as a backwoods racist. Maybe that was just me being racist, but he looked like a racist to me. Its like that in real life too. People just come up with insincere apologies all the time. Like if a man gets caught cheating, they'll say they are sorry when in actuality the only thing they are sorry about is getting caught. It just makes no sense to me. Do you actually believe that apology?

Maybe that's why I don't apologize very easily. At work, I have to give insincere apologies all the time. That's just part of the game, but in my real life, I just don't do it unless I mean it. Sometimes the sarcastic stuff I say hurts (sensitive) peoples feelings. I could apologize, but I don't, because I meant to do that. I fully intended to say some smart shit out of my mouth and I was fully aware of the possible consequences. Likewise, I don't like when people are all apologetic because they think it will appease me. I can see through that mess. If you don't really mean it, and if you are just saying it because you got caught doing whatever, please do me a favor. Keep your damn apology!

Forgiveness and What Not

Today's Random Thought: Next time I decide to go to a strip club, I'm gonna call ahead and make sure that PacMan Jones isn't there. People have a tendency to get shot around him.

Consider this my public apology. I know this is gonna be cryptic, but hopefully, the people know who they are. If not, then I guess I really didn't owe them an apology.

I'm sorry that I just stopped returning your calls. Life was getting hectic and I had to take a break for my own mental health. It's nothing that you did, the walls were closing in on me for a minute and I didn't know how to handle it. I want to call you now, but what can I say at this point. Maybe the Lord will bless me with some courage for what I know is going to be a difficult conversation.

I'm sorry that we couldn't get our timing right. I really do feel you, but I couldn't wait forever. And now that everything is different, I hope you can realize that its actually the same. Ya dig?

I'm sorry that I can't be what you want me to be. I think under the circumstances you would be able to understand my hesitancy. It doesn't mean what you think it means, it just means that I am living my life. You gotta respect that and not jump to dramatic conclusions all the time.

I'm sorry that I hold so much animosity in my heart towards you. I can't seem to shake it. I'm pretty good at forgiveness, but for some reason, I can't do it with you. You probably don't even care, but I thought I would throw this out there for you anyway.

I'm sorry that I had to leave. I keep telling you all that you will be just fine without me, and I hope that you really are. I know times are rough and there is nobody like me, but you are gonna make it. Change is constant in business, so you have to adapt. It's a struggle, but I'm doing it, so you have to as well.

I'm sorry I haven't called you yet. To be honest, half of me thinks you aren't serious. The other half is intrigued, but not ready to put you through my mess. Give me a little more time to get my mind right, and I'm there.

I'm sorry that I don't comment on everybody's blog like I used to. It's a combination of not being on the computer as much as I was before and not having anything intelligent to say. Rest assured that I do read most of the time, and I know that I should comment, but I haven't gotten back into the swing of things. I guess that excuse is getting old, since I have had this new blog for 6 months, but this is one of those "it is what it is" moments.

I'm sorry that we can't talk like we used to. I know with my work schedule and your home life, it's pretty impossible. But shoot me an email or a text message to let me know if you are cool. I have to admit that I was pretty worried with our last conversation a couple of weeks ago. I hope all is well.

I'm sorry that I haven't kept in touch. I know it didn't seem like it, but I really am a loner at heart. You may have thought I was outgoing from the persona that you met, but that's not the real me. The real me is boring, a hermit, an introvert. I'm not going to insult your intelligence with false promises of doing better either.

I'm sorry that my sorrys are chock full of excuses. I hate apologies coupled with excuses, but it seems like I did it. I just want you all to know that I don't say sorry unless I mean it. If you have any doubt about whether or not I am being sincere, think back to your interactions with me. Have I ever apologized for anything? If I think I'm right, do I ever back down to keep the peace? And if by some fluke, I did apologize, wasn't it like pulling teeth to get me to do it? So, just know I'm so sincere.