Word?!?

I pulled up to my crib at 11:00 last night. A jeep sat idling in my usual parking space. Actually, she was in 2 spaces: Mine and the one that usually is empty next to mine. I grumbled a little – internally of course. We don’t have assigned parking. To the left of this spot was an old teenager of a ride. I recognized this as my sister’s car. She had come up from Savannah last Friday, so the kids could hang with their father over the weekend. She still hadn’t left, but that’s another post. Anyway, I went inside and ate and packed for my latest trip to Gainesville to see Jameil. Around 2:30, I went to put my bag in the car and didn’t see her car. I was pretty sure she was still there, I didn’t hear her leave, and the kids were still there, so I went in the spare bedroom. Sure enough, she was in there sleep…

“Hey, Nikki… Your car isn’t outside…”

Somebody done stole her car from right in front of the crib. It’s not like she had a baller mobile. Our family curse prohibits that. If anyone has a new car, then something will happen to it. I personally have given up on driving a car made this millennium. It just doesn’t work. From accidents to engine problems to strange never before heard of problems, it’s almost like we’re better off with the old joints. Anyway, this is the first time a car has been stolen. I drove around the complex to see if maybe some young punks had taken it for a joy ride, but that was to no avail. I didn’t see it anywhere in the complex. While my sister called the police, I drove outside the complex and swore I saw the whip at a barbershop nearby. It was backed in, so I couldn’t see the license plate, and there was a woman standing in front of it. I thought about driving up on her, but Jameil talked some sense into me. Who knows who is in the car and what kind of weaponry they had. So, I posted up in front of the strip club and watched for awhile. Other cars started pulling up next to it, and it kinda looked shady, so I dipped out and left them to their drug deal.

I got back home and heard my sister talking to the police. These cats didn’t send anyone out to investigate or anything. Instead, they said that they would have a police report ready in 5 days. Pretty much it seems like she ain’t never gonna see that car again and the cops won’t be doing anything. It was crazy. I never lock my car doors and I may or may not leave my ipod in plain sight, not to mention whatever else I forget to bring in the house and nothing has ever happened. But they straight took my sister’s car without any of us hearing anything. This morning I went to get my haircut (at another barbershop) and saw that the car was still sitting there. This time in broad daylight I was able to see that it was not my sister’s car, just one that looked like it. I don’t know what’s gonna happen next. How or when my sister will get back to Savannah, whether or not she will get her car back, nothing. It was just nuts. Nikki was and is remarkably calm about the situation. I don’t quite understand it, but that’s how my family is. We don’t get too excited about much. I know this much though. If I ever find them cats, I just want to ask them a question:

WHO STEALS A 94 OLDSMOBILE CUTLASS?!?!? YOU CAN’T POSSIBLY MAKE ANY MONEY OFF THIS CAR!!!

Anyway, I’m off to Florida as soon as I get off work. I’ll check you all out after the weekend. Y’all be easy!

Seriously? Part Deux

More random thoughts and crazy occurrences... Seriously??? I did it before, and I'll probably do it again...

Seriously??? A Chia pet??? I buy a DVD, someone else buys a CD, another one buys a rice cooker and you come through with a Chia pet. Come on, dawg!!! Who the hell wants a Chia pet? I don't care if it's Shrek, it's still a fuckin' Chia pet. Matter of fact, where does one get a Chia pet from anyway?

Seriously??? You just gonna cock block me for real? Are you doing this intentionally or are you just that dense? I don't need your participation in this conversation.

Seriously??? You don't think you are crazy? I'm gonna need you to examine your need for attention and instant acknowledgement. That impatience ain't exactly normal.

Seriously??? How many times are you gonna say sorry in this conversation? You just said sorry 6 times in the last 30 seconds. Seriously??? Who messed you up like that? Why are you scared to speak your mind?

Seriously??? You are gonna grunt "Merry Christmas" after every grocery bag you fill? That is beyond creepy. Matter of fact, just move over. I'll bag my own groceries. I'm a little scared of you. You are like the Sling Blade of Christmas cheer.

Seriously??? You wanna have a crazy mate contest with me? Awww, youngster! You don't know who you dealing with. I got 13 years on you. I have years of experience of crazy and inappropriate females. You will not win this one.

Seriously??? You get mad about that? Cuz I wanted to get off the phone? I could have made up an excuse, but I thought you would appreciate the honesty. After all that we've been through, that's the tipping point? Not all the stuff you did, or all the other smart comments I made, but me saying I want to do something off the phone? I don't understand that, but if that's how you feel, I respect that.

Seriously??? I'm supposed to chase you down? I'm sorry, but I'm the chasee, not the chaser. I know you are prettier than I am, but that's not gonna happen. We mad grown, and the games are for kids. Come at me real or don't come at me at all.

Seriously??? You are giving me a choice between going to Taboo 2 and a strip club? I can't think of one scenario that doesn't end with a table dance. Let's see, I can go hang out with the "grown and sexy, Stacy Adams, old man in the club" crowd or I can see naked women. That's not such a hard choice for me.

Seriously??? You gave speeches to Congress and worked with Jesse Jackson, but you can't talk to us? What are you looking at on the floor? Why are you tripping over your words? That's not exactly awe inspiring leadership there.

Seriously??? You just gonna plan out my whole weekend for me? I have to? The hell you say. I don't have to do shit but be Black and die. That's how you ask me? We've known each other too long for you to think that I would respond the way you want me to.

Seriously??? I'm on vacation and you think I'm gonna show my face in the office to decorate for the holiday? You think that's my idea of fun? Not so much. We can do this when I'm here, but I'll be damned if I drive 35 minutes to put up some Christmas lights. You gonna have to hold that down without me.

Seriously??? You just gonna keep posting everyday? You're just trying to make me look bad, aren't you. I already acknowledged that you won! Take a day off. LOL I'm only kidding, Jameil.

Seriously??? You expect me to believe that bullshit story? You ought to be ashamed of yourself. When so many people are really struggling, you take advantage of peoples kindness. I can only hope that Karma comes to bite you in the ass sooner rather than later. You damn parasite!!!

Seriously??? A hug? Why would I want to hug you? Like Prince said "I can't have a hug unless I have a kiss." And I can't do that. You sit way too close to me, and when it goes bad, which of course it will, I don't wanna have no beef at work. I will admit that I'm intrigued, but that's as far as it will go. So, sorry. I'm gonna have to give you the side hug, and not the full body hug. That's just a little too dangerous right now.

Seriously??? How many seriouslys are you gonna write? You act like people have nothing better to do than to read your random thoughts. This post is getting way too long, so seriously, cut it short, man. People have other blogs to visit, work to do, etc. Just stop already.

Seriously?

This is my latest take on the obligatory random thoughts post. Just some stuff that made me say "Seriously?" I'm just venting about some stuff, but it's really all good.



Seriously? You really just sniffed me? I mean nostrils flaring, wide open sniff? It's Issey Miyake. Next time just ask. Don't try to go bloodhound on me.



Seriously? You gonna be gone for a week? And you expect everything to run smoothly? Did you really just say that to me like it was my responsibility? When did I get in charge? And while we're at it, do you plan to tell the rest of the team or is it a surprise?



Seriously? You taking 5 minutes at the ATM? What the hell are you doing for so long? I just wanna take out $100 and buy me some drinks, but instead I'm stuck behind you doing God knows what. I done listened to half of a George Clinton song waiting on your slow ass, and you know them shits is like 18 minutes each. Hurry yo ass up!



Seriously? Three back to back text messages? Who the hell do you think you are? Who do the hell do you think I am? I'm not your man, so can you please adjust your tone? All caps means yelling and I just know you ain't yelling at me.



Seriously? You expect me to believe that y'all ain't fucking? Come on, what am I stupid, blind and delusional. I have had plenty of female friends and I know the signs. That shit ain't just platonic.



Seriously? You gonna lose to the Rams? Come on, Falcons!



Seriously? You gonna tell that lie to me? My bullshit-o-meter was going off as soon as you opened your mouth. I am a far better liar than you will ever be. You know that saying "it takes one to know one?" Well I am one, albeit a recovering one. That was just mad obvious.



Seriously? You got a high top fade? What year is this? Okay, I'm a little jealous that I didn't do it first. I said I was gonna bring it back, but I didn't actually have the guts to go through with it. But your joint doesn't look like nostalgia, it looks like you been rocking a box for the last 15 years.



Seriously? You gonna ride that scooter? Do you realize that you are 300 pounds and you just look silly as hell on that lil ass bike? I don't know you, but if I did, I would tell you that you look like you are gonna break that thing. Either get a car, or catch the bus like a normal person.



Seriously? You lose by 50 points and try to act like its no big deal. Isaih, come on now. Please . There is no reason an NBA team should get beat by another NBA team that badly. I can't wait until you get fired.



Seriously? You gonna get mad at me because I don't want a cupcake? I can see if you slaved over a hot oven and made some homemade shit, but you bought these at Kroger. The price tag is still on the box. Maybe I'm on a diet. Maybe I'm diabetic. Shit, maybe I just don't want one. How can you possibly take this so personally.



Seriously? You gotta man so why you worrying bout me. I'm oh so single and I can talk to whoever I want. Try directing some of that wasted energy on your relationship rather than trying to be all up in my business. Then maybe your man wouldn't be out cutting up all them random chicken heads and you would have less time to wonder about who I'm dealing with. By the way, you are wrong anyway.



Seriously? You crying? Because of what I said? I know I say some slick shit sometimes, but ain't no reason to break down in tears. I told you what the deal was upfront so why you trying to act like you didn't know. Maybe if you would listen to what I was saying, I wouldn't have to say it in mean manner. Maybe if you would accept my words at face value instead of trying to read something into it, you wouldn't need those Kleenex. I'm just saying, this ain't nothing new. And don't expect me to apologize because I meant that shit. In fact, you should be happy that it took me this long to say it like that.



Seriously? You think I'm gonna do the Cupid Shuffle? Have you met me? Didn't we have this conversation about the Cha Cha Slide a couple of years ago. Did I not tell you that organized dancing irks the shit outta me? Do you remember when I told you that there will be no Electric Slide, Bus Stop, Line Dancing shit going on? Not gonna happen.



Seriously? You talking to my man, but giving me the eye? You think that your cute little dimples are gonna make me forget that my homeboy is trying to get at you? Okay, well you may be right. I don't really know that dude that well. I'll take your number, but don't tell him. LOL



Seriously? You ear hustling our conversation that hard? I'm just saying, some times at a bar people will use bad words. Sometimes, there will be Rated R conversations. May I suggest if it offends you that you stop listening? Or maybe go to the Christian bar that has yet to be invented. Get up out of our shit.



Seriously? You just wrote an entire post using the word seriously? What are you, a teenage white girl? You really need to stop watching Grey's Anatomy cuz its rubbing off on you. That shit ain't hip hop, kid.



What or who has made you ask "Seriously?" lately?