Letter To My Children

11/05/08

My Dear Beautiful Children,

I'm writing this letter on November 5th, 2008, years before God blessed me with your birth. Last night, history was made when America elected it's first African-American president. Hopefully by the time you are old enough to read this and fully grasp the monumental importance of this day, you'll think that your old man is overstating and exaggerating. My dream for my children is a world in which distinctions of race are no longer common place in politics and employment. I pray the phrase "the first black" will not be necessary words in your lexicon. Maybe in your lifetime, African Americans will be considered just plain American, like other ethnic groups. I long for the day these barriers are no longer applicable.

I don't know if that day will come, but I have to tell you..America took a major step last night. We elected Barack Obama as our 44th president. An African-American with a funny name like your Daddy, was elevated to the highest office in the land. I never thought that I would see this in my lifetime. It wasn't too long ago that race was a prohibitive factor in our lives. The Civil Rights Movement was just a few years before I was born. I want go into too much detail, because I know your mother and I have instilled these roots deeply in you. Suffice it to say, the pride that I feel today is a direct result of the struggles our people have endured. But the thing that's so beautiful about this election is that it was not and could not have been done without other races. White people, Latinos and other races came together to support this candidate. History will tell you the facts, but what it can't tell you is how it feels. It's difficult to express the emotions that I feel today. Believe me, I tried in vain for hours to find the right words. I can only hope that the raw emotion I feel reverberates in this letter.

As proud as I am of Obama, don't mistake that for naivete. I'm fully aware that racism is alive and well. I know that a significant portion of this country would rather see him dead than as their president. I don't yet know if his administration will be a success. In spite of this, what the Obama victory represents for me and countless others is hope. Hope that people will look at my child and see a person, not solely a black person. Hope that in our country, a little black child can dream big and achieve even bigger. Hope that you will believe me when I tell you that you can do whatever you set your mind to, including become president. And hope that you never let your hope die. If Barack could do it, so can you! I'll see you in a few years.

Love Always,

Rashan Jamal - oops, I mean Daddy.

To My First Born Son On Your 16th Birthday

April 25th, 2024


My Firstborn Son,

You are turning 16 today, and there are some things you need to know now that you are a man. I'm sure that if you are anything like I was at this age, you are completely dreading this conversation, but I think it's necessary. There are some things that I have learned that in my years that can benefit you. Don't worry, this isn't one of those inspirational, sentimental letters like your mother writes; I just wanted to give you some practical advice. So just hear your old man out.

Let's talk about money. I know I raised you not to be a slave to material things, but the truth is, I want you to be better off than I am. I think all parents want a better life for their children and we don't want our children to have to struggle like we did. So the first thing that you need to learn is how to handle your money. I want you to learn the importance of saving and spending wisely. You need to know how to manage your credit. Your father didn't learn about this until it was too late and as result struggled for many years. I don't want that for you. Life comes at you quickly, and if you are not prepared for it, it can be hard. So, whether you like it or not, we are going to work on this together.

Next up is education. I want you to always feel like you are the smartest one in the room. I know you aren't very organized. You get that from me, but you also get your intelligence from me. I know it's hard when you feel that school is not a challenge, but I need you to apply yourself academically. You may not always be able to skate through life just on your brain power. Sometimes, you have to prove that you are willing to put in the hard work to get all A's. Plus, I'm not trying to pay for your college, boy. You better get a scholarship. Seriously though, just know that I place a high emphasis on academics, not only because it can help you get the career of your choice, but because Rashan don't raise no dummies.

Speaking of careers, I want you do to whatever makes you happy. If you are passionate about a job, it will make it that much more palatable. I'm not going to lie to you. You have many years of hard work ahead of you. There will be days, when you just want to say "fuck it" (don't tell your mother that I cursed) and just quit, but you can't do it. You have a responsibility to be a man, and a man works no matter how much he hates his job. It doesn't matter to me if you have a high paying job or a noble albeit low paying profession. Man makes the money, money doesn't make the man. I just want you to do something that will provide you with a modicum of satisfaction, a sense of self worth and the feeling of self respect in your work ethic. Start thinking about what you want to do for the rest of your life now. Before you know it, the time to choose a career will come and you don't want to be unprepared.

Women. What can I say about women? We've already had the birds and bees conversation, but I feel you are old enough that I can speak more freely about this subject. I don't know if you have started having sex yet. There are some things a son doesn't tell his father. But I want you to know that if you ever have any questions, no matter how embarrassing, I am here for you. I'm not going to tell you not to have sex, but what I will tell you is to always protect yourself. There are all kinds of diseases out there. I won't go into detail because I know you get this in Health class at school, but I just want to reiterate that you have to be careful. What I do want to elaborate on is this: What happens with you and a young lady is between you two. You probably hear a lot of locker room talk and braggadocio about sexual conquests at school. I'm an old man now and I still hear it. That's just not the right way to handle it. I want you to treat women with the respect they deserve.

As you get older, you are going to meet lots of women that you are attracted to. I want you to know that it's okay to date around. Just be upfront about your intentions. If you don't want to be tied down to one women, just say that, in a tactful way of course. Not every woman you date is going to be potential wifey material. Sometimes, it just is what it is. As long as you are honest with each other, you can still have a good time together. When you are dishonest or duplicitous, that's when feelings get hurt, and you run into trouble. It all comes back to being respectful.

Sex is an important part of a man's life. You're a good looking young man. Hell, you look just like your father. You are going to have sex with some of the women you date. I want to warn you about something that pretty much all men have gone through. It's called "the hoochie phase." It's similar to how women like bad boys, there are some women who will temporarily make you insane. How do they do it? Sex! There's going to be one or two women in your life that you don't necessarily want to take home to Mama. You may even find yourself becoming infatuated with these women and doing things that you wouldn't admit to your closest friend. I'm talking about getting her hair done, paying her rent, or buying diapers for her three kids that she had before she turned 18. I just want you to know that there may be a "hoochie" or two in your life, but that's okay. When that phase is over, I don't want you to feel bad because just about all of us have gone through that. Good sex will make us do crazy things. I wish I could tell you how to control that urge, but that would be an exercise in futility.

I have so much more to tell you, but right now your mother is bugging me to work on my "honey-do" list. Look out for my next letter.

Your Loving Father,

Rashan Jamal