7 Days In Savannah: The Beach

7 Days in Savannah is a recollection of my time growing up and being a young man in Savannah, GA. All stories are true and relayed to the best of my memory.

So, I went to high school with this kid named Chuck. Chuck was, to say the least, a character. He was a tall, yet dumpy, white kid who was already losing his hair by senior year. He was a bit of an outcast. He liked black people, but they didn't like him back. He didn't have too many white friends, other than the other freaks and geeks. Chuck was that dude that had a trunkful of porn magazines, (mostly black women) and brought a prostitute (yes, an actual prostitute to the Senior prom.) His reasoning: At least he knew that he would be getting laid after the prom, even if he had to pay for it. Weirdness aside, Chuck was pretty harmless. Although he looked like the type to pull a Columbine, and definitely had an affinity for guns, he wasn't the type that would actually do it. I wouldn't say that Chuck and I were friends, but we had several classes together and were cordial.

One night before graduation, I ran into Chuck at the Tara Cinemas. It was the movie hangout for our high school, and is no longer there. I was with my homeboy, Ashley if I'm not mistaken. Chuck was with 3 black girls that went to a rival high school. I was intrigued. How did this clown hook up with 3 attractive sisters? (well, 2 of them were attractive, the other looked like a reject from Jurassic Park. LOL) In the course of our conversation, he invited me to hang out with them. For some strange reason, I said yes.

When the movie was over, I left with Chuck and the three girls whose names I can't remember to save my life. We'll call them girl one, girl two and girl three. He picked up another one of his associates, and we drove around for awhile. Small talk was made, but I couldn't seem to connect with any of the girls. We wound up at the Subway on the corner of DeRenne and White Bluff. They ate (I say they, because I didn't have any loot) and we talked about what we were going to get into. Really, there isn't much a motley crew of high schoolers could do. We usually went to football games, but it wasn't in season. Or we went to a movie, which we just came from. It's not like we could go to a club. Girl One (or was it two or three) came up with a fabulous suggestion.

"Let's go to the beach!"

Let me backtrack for a minute. I didn't have a car back then, and the beach seemed like it might as well been in Africa. I know now, that I can get there in less than the time it takes me to go to work, but back then??? That joint was far. Plus it was already 11:00 PM. I wasn't one for staying out all night. I didn't have an official curfew, but I knew not to come home at ridiculous times of the night.

"I don't know. I have to get home soon."

Girls 1-3 clowned me about this. Apparently, they didn't have curfews. Apparently, they could stay out all night. Apparently, I was a lame for respecting the rules. Apparently, I succumbed to peer pressure, because next thing I know, the six of us were heading to Tybee Island.

Here's where the story takes an even worse turn. Chuck decided that we needed something to drink, so he took his receding hairline to the liquor store and bought a couple of bottles of MD 20-20. In high school, I had not even sniffed any liquor, so I knew I wasn't going to partake, but Chuck, the driver did. Chuck was taking the bottle to the head as we drove down the dark highway. I was appalled. I tried to not say something, so the girls wouldn't clown me again, but I couldn't. Chuck was weaving in and out of his lane and speeding.

"Yo, Chuck! Slow down on that drink. I'm trying to get to the beach in one piece."

"I got this. I drink and drive all the time."

Girl One (or was it 2 0r 3) chimed in with her support of the drunken behavior too.

"Shut up, you big baby!"

I slumped back in the cramped seat, hoping that the two girls surrounding me would serve as seat belts, since Chuck's car lacked them in the back seat. I was sure that this would be the night that I would die. I even imagined it, like on an episode of Scrubs...

"On tonight's news, 6 teenagers were killed when there car drove off a bridge and into the marsh. They were then eaten by alligators. We now go to Trisha Takinowa who is on the scene."

I chuckled to myself for having a sense of humor about my impending death, and almost forgot that I was being chauffered by an alcoholic. That is until Chuck decided to up the stakes. Apparently, drinking and driving was not enough of an adrenaline rush for him, so he decided to turn off the headlights and turn up the Geto Boys!!! I was scared out of my mind. Passing cars flashed their highbeams, while Scarface, Willie D. and Bushwick Bill cursed us out though the speakers. I just about lost my mind. I can't say that I was much of a praying man, but I did that night. I prayed that the Lord would protect me from this fool and his foolery. And he did. We made it to the beach safely, although looking at how Chuck parked his car was a dead giveaway that he was drunk. We got out the car and headed to the beach for an evening of fun.

Except it was no fun for me. I was paranoid the whole time I was there. It was dark and I was with 4 strangers and a classmate who turned out to be psychotic. I didn't know if he would just up and leave me, or try to go swimming in the Atlantic Ocean at night. Turns out, he chose the latter. Dark as it was, Chuck decides that he would ignore the warning signs, and test out the waters. He took Girl One (or was it 2 or 3) with him. Me, his homeboy and the other two girls stood at the edge of the water as they went deeper and deeper into the current. Eventually, we couldn't even see them anymore.

At that point, I just threw up my hands and resigned myself to my fate. What's the worst that could happen. I have to call my mom and tell her that I got kidnapped. I've always been a good kid. She wouldn't punish me too much, would she? I felt peace for the first time since Chuck cracked that bottle of MD 20-20. Ten minutes later, Chuck and Girl One (or was it two or three) come sauntering up to the pavillion where we are sitting. They are soaking wet, and the girl is holding her bra and underwear in her hand. I guess Chuck had a good night, even if I didn't.

Luckily, by the time we drove home, Chuck had sobered up. The ride home was much less eventful than the drive there. I looked at the clock as we pulled up to my house and it was 2:45. I wasn't expecting to be out so late, so I didn't unlock the side door to the garage, which was my way of sneaking in and out of the house. I had to take the hit. I quietly unlocked the front door, and to my surprise, nobody was awake. They never even knew I didn't come home at a decent hour. Or if they knew, they never said anything. I went to the laundry room and changed my clothes, and laid down on the couch, and fell asleep. This was one heck of a night, and I didn't want to do it again anytime soon.

That Monday, I saw Chuck at school and he told me they were going out again on Friday. He said, I was more than welcome to tag along. My answer? Not no, but HELL NO!!!

Friday Night Lights

Friday was one of my work homegirls last day. To commemorate the night, a few of the co workers and I decided to take her out to celebrate. It was suggested by someone else that we go to a strip club. After some arm twisting, I agreed. LOL. After work, we headed to Strokers. I led the way, since I literally live within drunk staggering walking distance. I was followed by Jamie, the one that was leaving and Lakesha in their respective vehicles. We got there around 10:45, and waited another 10 minutes for 2 other co workers: Keb (I mentioned her before as the one that wore a fresh men's suit to work) and Jimmy. It was still pretty early, so the usual line around the corner was non existant. We paid our $1o and went in the club.

Our first move was to the bar. I got Jamie and Lakesha a couple of Lemon Drops and me a Henn and Coke. I was the sponsor for the evening. Don't trip, I wasn't one of those cats that gets tricked into paying for drinks. I was doing it because I wanted to. I wanted to show the ladies a good time. And no, I wont be your sponsor. LOL. Keb and Jimmy got their own drinks and next we found a table close to the stage. Now, when I roll to the strip club solo, I usually stay far away from the stage. I'm not much of a tip the stage kinda guy. I figure why pay for what I can see for free. Is that wrong? LOL My money is usually spent more on table dances, which are more personal, but I was with other people so when with Romans, right?

We laughed and watched the dancers, and before I knew it, my cup was empty, so I headed back to the bar with Lakesha. Patron for me this time. Forget all that slow motion drinking, I graduated to shots to get a buzz going quicker. 2 more Lemon Drops for the ladies. Keb and Jimmy are tossing dollars on the stage. I'm just chilling watching it all go down. I had a mini stack of ones thanks to the bartender giving me extra change from the second set of drinks. She should have given me a 10 stack, but instead gave me a 20 stack. That worked for me. Might as well recycle that money.

I gave Lakesha some ones to toss at the dancer on the stage. It was fun watching women tip women. Keb and/or Jimmy had brought a girl over for a table dance. When she was finished, we motioned for her to dance for Jamie, who was uncomfortable at first but managed to make it through unscathed. Lakesha was putting dollars where the sun don't shine in unmentionable places. The song was over and the girl left. It was time for more Patron. And more lemon drops. And more tipping etc etc etc. There was this one dancer that Keb and Jimmy were mad excited about. Let's just say her assets were so large that she looked like she was gonna fall over. They grabbed her for a dance while I was at the bar again with Lakesha. I came back to see her doing a headstand and nearly spilled my drink doing a double take. It was wild.

The rest of the night I remember, but it was really only in flashes... At some point, I tried to convince Jamie that she should dance for me. I was holding out a $20 which she tried to grab from me, but it ripped. W.hite Chocola.te from the "T.ip Dr.ill" video got the stage to herself and sucked. She didn't hardly even move. Not my type anyway, but still it was disappointing that she didn't put on a good show. Anybody watch Colleg.e Hi.ll? I don't, but apparently the stripper that slept with one of the cast was in the house. I got a dance from her and people around me were mad groupie-ish. I had no idea who she was though. I remember being an ass to the bathroom attendant. He tried to sell me a $7 pack of Bla.ck&Mild.s and kept talking too much and not moving the line along fast enough. I asked him "if I give you some money, will you shut the hell up?" He said yes, so I put a few in the tip jar. LOL. There was this one dancer who was on stage doing pole tricks. Lakesha wanted to tip her but said she was scared. Not sure why, since she had been tipping all night. Anyway, I did my civic duty and took her to the stage and showed her how to do it right. Got offered $500 by Keb to get a strippers phone number (I didn't get it. Didn't even try) Eventually they were ready to leave and were going to The Ve.lvet Roo.m.

When we were leaving, this Bama in a checkered short and shirt outfit, with gold teeth, tried to holla at Jamie and Lakesha. But first he tried to clear it with me. "Hey, playa. Which one of these is yours?" I bout cracked up. They toyed with him for a few minutes before sending him on his way sans phone number. The dude came with every corny line you can think of. It was like a bad stereotype. By this time, Jimmy had rolled out somewhere. I was so close to my crib that I could taste it so I was just gonna call it a night. I wasn't sure I was in dress code for Velvet Room anyway. Keb tried (successfully) to punk me into going with them to the next club. "Nigga, you got these beautiful ladies tryna go to the club with you and you gonna take yo ass home?" Okay, so I told them I would go. We each hopped in our respective rides and formed a 4 car caravan. I was in the back since I didn't know exactly where the club was. As I'm following them, I realize that they didn't know either. They took a wrong turn on LaVista, then took a U-turn to go the other way. I stayed with them for awhile until they ran a red light. At that point, we got separated. I called Jamie to see where they were, but she was following Lakesha, who I found out later was following Jimmy even though I thought he had already left. She told me where they had turned, but I couldn't catch up with them. Plus, I really wanted to not be driving anymore, so I told Jamie that I was going home and that I would see her another time. Turns out they never made it in Velvet Room, but parking lot pimped for a minute. I'm glad I didn't stick around for that.

So that was my Friday night. I came home and took a shower and dozed off watching "The Do.ors." I had some crazy dreams, then got up and went to work. This was my rotational Saturday to work, so I have Friday, Saturday and Sunday off this upcoming week. Friday night, at Luckie Lounge. If you are in the city come on out and say what's up! Or don't, I'ont care. LOL! This post woulda been so much better with pictures, but people was mad camera shy and by the time we got out of Strok.ers, I forgot I had my camera in the whip. Maybe next time.Talk to you later...

Saturday Night In Pictures

Monie didn't think I was gonna do it, but ha ha, the jokes on you. I accomplished 75% of my going out plans. Where's my $15??? Here is Saturday night at Kristin's birthday get together. I don't really know her, but she is my friend's fiancee's little sister, and they asked me to come along, so I obliged.

I got there before everybody else. So not like me. For example, I was 2 hours late on Friday because of traffic and the obsessive compulsive barber who wanted to make sure every strand of hair was appropriately sheared with scissors. But anyway, as I waited for the rest of the party to arrive, I did what I do best: Camera whoring. These are some flicks I took whilst waiting in the car.







I actually took a bunch more, but you know I had to weed out the ones where I looked crazy. After the rest of the folks arrived, we drank and ate and I talked to the people that were on my side of the table. There wound up being like 12 of us, but I don't remember anybody's name, so there will be no labeling. The first one is me and my best friend/lil sister Kristie and her fiancee's hand.

There were other guys there, but how I look taking a picture of some dude? LOL. This last picture was me preparing for the drive home. If you notice my eyes are a little more closed, but I still look the same. Good looking out, Desy for getting me home safely. Remember, you can't make fun of me for anything I said while in that state. LOL

And just because these pictures were on my camera when I uploaded the rest, here a couple of my nephews. The first one is Carlin and Justin. The second one is Justin at his dedication a few weeks back. That's my finger he's holding.

Awww, ain't they cute!!! Funny story. My gas tank was on E on the way home, but I didn't feel like stopping to get gas in my inebriated state. I went home and just crashed out. So early this morning, after being awakened by another blogger's phone call, I decided to hit the gas station. Why did I run out of gas? LOL I can be so stupid sometimes. Luckily there's a gas station directly outside the gate of my complex, so no big deal, but man imagine if that woulda happened while I was driving home. Okay, its now like 8:30 and I'm gonna go back to sleep. Have a great day!

Three Day Weekend

Forgive me, Blogger for I have sinned...

Yep, I know I've been slacking on my blogging. It's not like me to take Tuesday and Thursday off but you know it be's like that sometimes. This is the part where I insert some lame excuse that nobody wants to hear. Truth is, I just haven't felt like it. I mean, I have excuses galore. For example, I could tell you that I haven't been posting because of my allergies. The pollen is so thick in Atlanta that all the cars, parking lots, mailboxes, etc are covered in yellow powder. It's so bad that I'm either sneezing, or I'm out of it from taking that medicine. That's a good excuse right? Or I could tell you that work has been crazy and I've not had as many spare moments to write at work like I used to. When I come home the last thing I want to do is be on the computer again. How about that one? Does that excuse work for you? If not, then try this one. I've been stressed out by all the money I've spent over the last 2 weeks getting my car fixed twice, getting a new phone, taking care of family. I could tell you that, but that's not really the truth.

Truth is, I just didn't feel like blogging. I got plenty of blog ideas, but when I sat down to write them, I just wasn't feeling it. Same thing with reading. I just didn't feel like reading blogs either. I don't know, it was just that kind of week. I didn't really want to do anything except sit around watching dvds. It was kind of a lost week as far as blogging goes for me, but I think I'm back now. Or at least I should be after my 3 day weekend.

Got big plans this weekend. Well, maybe not big plans, but I do have smedium plans. I'm supposed to get out the house and be social. I'm off work tomorrow since I had to work last Saturday, so I'll be able to catch happy hour with Kristie and them. It'll be good to hang out with my friend, and my drunk wrestling partner (Jameil and Diva, she is NOT a man, camera phone pics if I can) is supposed to be there too.

Tangent: I got to get my haircut first. I'm thinking about letting my hair grow out some. Not like a fro or anything, but not so close to my scalp as I usually get it. I'm not gonna get my Gregory Abbott on like this picture

But I want a little more hair so I can get past this fuzzy sticking up phase that its in right now. Maybe let it grow a little more like in this picture.

Did I tell you I'm bringing the box back for '09? It's gonna be like 1990,1991 and 1992 all over again. Like these high school pictures. Yes, those are beads and Africa around my neck. LOL.

What was I saying... oh yeah. Happy Hour. After that, I'm supposed to go hang with some of my coworkers at some grown and sexy club. I can already see myself flaking out of this one. Last time I went there, I got hit on by a woman old enough to be my mama, and did I mention how much I hate those do-this-dance-to-my-instruction-dances? If I wanna sliiiide to the left, I'll do it, but not because you told me to. Plus, I don't know how these work people will act outside of the job. If I get enough get-right fluid in me during Happy Hour, perhaps I'll still slide through.

Saturday, I'm supposed to hit up a birthday dinner and drinks thing for someone I know from someone else. I don't know when it is, but its supposed to be at my usual spot. Even though, the birthday girl sometimes comes across a little bougie, it should still be fun. At the very least, I'll get a few caipirinhas and talk lots of shit and make somebody, anybody call me a jerk. That'll be fun. Oh yeah, and I'm supposed to get up with an old friend for dinner and/or drinks if she can ever fit me into her schedule. Yes, I'm talking to you! You know I don't be making an effort like this, so I'm a need you to get it together. LOL. Sunday will be my day of rest. At least I hope so. The last couple of weekends all kinds of stuff has been popping up, but hopefully I'll just be able to chill.

Hopefully after and/or because of my three day weekend, I'll come back refreshed and ready to be a full time blogger again. Maybe I'll even find the inspiration to do part 8 of Making The Blog. Yeah, maybe not. Anyway, I hope everyone has a good weekend. I'm sure I'll be checking your pages out sometime this weekend. One!

Word??? Spring, You Gonna Try Me Like That?

We just talked about this, Spring! Matter of fact, I'm not speaking to you anymore. Consider yourself cut off. I'm gonna talk about you to my blog fam. They always have my back, whereas you always be trying a brotha..

Man, Spring tried to steal my joy this weekend, but couldn't do it. Saturday was one of those days that last year woulda messed with my head. I'm driving around like I always do when the four walls start moving in on me. I get in my car and I'm chatting on the phone with one of my "once a month" friends. I bust a right on to Arcadia from Ponce De Leon, and all of a sudden the car jerks to the left. Like all the way into oncoming lanes of traffic. Like if there was actually any traffic, I would have ran directly into a head on collision. I try to correct, but the steering wheel doesn't want to cooperate. I finally manage to get back into the correct lane and fight the steering wheel to get off the road. I didn't know what was going on. I figured the power steering had went out, but not knowing anything about cars except how to put gas in and drive, I wasn't sure. I'm sitting in the K.roger parking lot trying to figure out what to do, when by a stroke of luck, I see a tire shop. Yes, I know that this problem had nothing to do with my tires, but I figured one of the technicians could possibly tell me what was wrong.

I fight the wheel for a little longer until I get to the shop, hazard lights flashing to signify don't get behind me. The guy at the shop pops the hood and tells me that my steering belt has completely popped and also something is wrong with alternator and some other stuff that sounded like Greek to me. He tried to make me feel stupid for a quick minute until I hit him with The Smirk and he backed off. Apparently I was supposed to hear that the belt was about to pop, but yeah, I didn't. Anyway, long story short, they can fix it, but they were closing so they couldn't get to it to the next day. Cool, crisis averted. No big deal. My months of being a miser have left me with enough left over money that the amount they quoted me wasn't stressing me out. Just fix my joint and I'm good.

But then I had to figure out a way to get home. Call my sister.. her cell is off. Call my brother, he's an hour away. Thought about calling some of the homies but they all live on the other side of town, and I didn't want to do that to them. I figured that I could just take a bus home. So, I walked to the nearest bus stop, but those buses weren't going in my direction, not to mention, I didn't know the number of the bus that goes right by my crib. I get the bright idea that I'm gonna walk home. I kinda needed to clear my head, and walking always seems to work. So, I'm walking down the street and then I remember that Lawrenceville Highway is not exactly pedestrian friendly. Only by the time that I actually process this information, I'm already a good 2 miles into my trek, and far past the point where I could stop and call a cab. So I cross the 4 lanes of traffic and keep on walking until I get to N.orth Dek.alb M.all. Did I mention that it was raining? I had an umbrella, (just a basic black umbrella, Stace. No Burberry patterns) but it started raining like crazy. I finally broke down and called a cab. A $10 ride later and I was home.

Getting home, I thought stuff was gonna be better, but Spring decided to play one last cruel joke on me. Why was my internet not working? Com.cast got me. You know the first thing I wanted to do when I got home was to blog about what just happened, but I couldn't. My internet was down until like 6 o clock Sunday evening. The thing that was so stupid about it, is the cable was working, but the internet, not so much. I even missed my standing Saturday night emailing session with Jameil. The lack of interweb was almost as bad as walking home in the rain (but not as bad as paying $592 to get my whip fixed.) Spring couldn't break me though. The car people called me this morning and told me they would fix my ride today (even though I couldn't get it until Monday), the internet was back up when I got home this evening and I'm still in good spirits. Keep it coming, Spring. I'm stronger than you.

On another note, I took my nephew and one of his friends, and my niece to the A.tlanta Ha.wks-New Yo.rk K.nicks game today. It was cool. I actually was rooting against my all time favorite basketball team today, since their chances of being successful ended around the time that they didn't fire Is.iah Tho.mas, and Atlanta still has a chance to get destroyed by the B.oston Celt.ics make the playoffs. Our seats were mad nosebleed, but the way the Ph.illips Aren.a is designed, we saw everything just fine. After the game, the kids got to go on the court and shoot free throws. They had a great time and I felt like super uncle. I also saw a few people I worked with there, so I'm guessing I'll have to actually talk to them when I see them on Monday. When I got home, I watched the Wres.tleman.ia PPV with my brother. It was one of the brother bonding things we used to do every year back in the day, so it was cool to do that again even though I don't really watch wrestling anymore. Sunday was my day to hang with family.

One final note, the other day I wrote about my drunk night out. I called Kristie to fill in the blanks of the evening, since I had some gaps. Apparently, the Haitian was trying to holla at the drunk girl, and I cockblocked him. Oops, my bad. Really, it wasn't intentional but who can resist my charms? these things happen sometimes. LOL I think Kristie was exaggerating, but she told me that we were all touchy feely that night and she thought I was gonna go home with the girl. Also, even though I forgot to get her number, I was straight enough to make sure she got my number as evidenced by a voicemail I got when I was at the basketball game. Now if I could only remember what she looked like. LOL

Okay, I think I have taken up enough of your time with my ramblings. The next Making The Blog is gonna be postponed until Wednesday, so if you haven't completed your assignments, you have an extra day. The rest of you, I'll be by to read what you wrote shortly. Have a good Monday, everybody!!!

Drink, Drank, Drunk

I don't know if I mentioned this on the blog, but for the last few months I have not been able to get drunk. No matter how much I drank, I could never make it past tipsy. If I kept drinking, then I would be tipsy and sick, but no drunkenness. Well tonight, Mission Accomplished. Yeah, your boy got good and drunk for a minute. I might be a little inebriated right now as I type this, but that's half the fun. I'll read this in the morning and be like "wow, I can't believe I typed this." LOL

Desy I fully aware that I'm biting off that idea that you told me, but you know what... too bad. LOL I'm gone off some Jack Daniels shots and a few Hennessys. You know how I know I was drunk? I actually picked up the tab for the people I was with. Yeah, I was feeling mad generous. Maybe because it was payday, but more likely because my mind wasn't right off the alcohol. I hung out with my little play sister Kristie and a couple of her co workers. One was a dude, lets forget about him, and the other was this hot chick named...shit, I can't remember her name. Oh, it was Karen, I think. I should probably come up with a blog nickname for her, but like I said, I'm still a little tipsy. She was cool as hell. She was my color with some long hair and sexy lips. You know I got a thing for lips. I couldn't tell exactly what her nationality was.. I know she was black and something, but I thought it might be rude to ask. LOL They were already drinking when I got there, since I didn't get off work until 10. When I got there, I hugged my friend and got introduced to the co workers. The guy was a Haitian, and for some reason he was speaking French. After my second shot, I joined in and started speaking French to the hot girl. She was impressed... she was drunk as hell, but impressed. We had some inappropriate for the first time meeting each other conversations and before long we were acting like old friends.

Ohhhh, before I forget, she was doing some crazy stuff. Like she decided to break out into a belly dance. It was a little stimulating. And she was fondling herself all night. She was in love with her own breasts because "she didn't get any until she graduated from college." It was crazy. The more I drank, the more attractive she became. I wonder what she actually looks like. LOL I seem to recall leaving a big ass tip for the bartender too. Man, when I sober up, I'm gonna be mad at the money I spent. Did I mention we were at Dave and Busters, which I am extremely tired of, but served the purpose for tonight. Yeah, I got twisted. What was I saying... Oh yeah, so after we got done drinking we went to the back to play some games. Me and Karen, (I have no idea how its spelled) did a couple of racing games that illustrated that she was in no shape to drive home. I wasn't that much better since I hadn't eaten in almost 24 hours, but I was better. We also played drunken basketball and drunken air hockey. Not just me and Karen, but all four of us. It served the desired purpose of sobering us up enough so that we wouldn't get a DUI.

I don't remember how it happened but for some reason in the parking lot, we (me and Karen) started wrestling. I think I had said something smart to her, but I can't recall what it was. Anyway, so we were wrestling in the parking lot when the police was like "move along" so we did. I walked her to her car while the Haitian walked Kristie to the car. We talked for a minute, and then she rode out. I forgot to get her number, but I'm sure I'll see her again if I'm not being anti social.

So, I went out and got a little drunk. Good times. I'm sure when I look back at this post I'll have the WTF look on my face, but for now, I feel good. Almost good enough to go out again tomorrow. We'll see what happens. I'm gonna sign on to Yahoo Messenger now and have some crazy conversation until I fall out. One!

The Matchmaker

I was chillin' at my table sipping a caipirinha at Eclipse di Luna when I first noticed her. Kristie sat to my right in a corner table overlooking the restaurant. We were cracking jokes and making conversation when I first felt her eyes on me. I managed to shake off the liquor long enough to get a good glimpse. She was pretty cute. She stood about 5'4", give or take an inch. I couldn't get an exact measurement because of the heels she was wearing. I held my glass up to my lips and downed the rest of my drink.

The sugar in the bottom of the glass combined with the excessive lime wedges to create a sweet, yet sour concoction. I waited for the waiter to bring me my 3rd drink, while continuing to shoot the breeze with Kristie. Ever my pimp, Kristie pointed out that the woman was looking at me.

"Why is she staring so hard?" she asked
"Who?" I coyly responded.
"The girl in the white and khaki."
"Like you wouldn't stare at me."

That was just a little joke. My friends are under the mistaken impression that I'm some kind of player. Truth be told, I have no game and the only women that make themselves available to me these days are, putting it kindly, unstable. I've never been a player, just extremely conceited, outwardly at least.

"You should go talk to her."
"Nah, I'm good."

The true me was shining through. The one that doesn't talk to strangers, the one that has blown many opportunities because of his fear of rejection, the one that has lame like tendencies. Besides I only had 2 drinks. I wasn't ready to put myself out there.

She was sitting with a group of multi cultural friends. Every hue was represented. There was a white one, a latina, an Asian (I think Korean) woman. And when you added in her caramel complexion, it formed a Rainbow coalition Jesse would be proud of. Her hair was a spiral cascade of curls, one falling after another. It looked very nice, although you can tell she just got out of the salon chair. She wore no makeup other than some shiny stuff on her lips, and her eyebrows were arched ever so slightly. Enough to notice, but not enough that it looked unnatural. Her smile was crooked, lips forming more of a smirk than an actual smile. She seemed to be having a good time with her girls, but she kept looking in my direction, hopefully at me. Not to be presumptious, but I thought to myself: Time to put your game face on.

After about 10 minutes, she got up and approached the table where Kristie and I were dining on tapas. She sat down in an empty chair and spoke.

"Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt but is your name Rashan?"

She pronounced it correctly, with emphasis on the RA. That's something that most people don't do. Regardless, I wasn't sure how to respond. I chose the truth.

"Yes, it is. How did you know?"
"I know your sister. She used to teach for Decatur city schools, right?"

I noticed she had a slight New York accent. It was not replete with loud, beligerrance of some NYers, but with a definite twinge of attitude.

"Yeah, she did. What's your name?
"Hey, I'm Kim."
"Nice to meet you Kim. This is my friend Kristie"

Pleasantries were exchanged and then she got to the point.

"I just want to tell you that I really enjoy your blog. You should have a career as a writer."
"Wow. Nikki told you about the blog? She didn't mention anything to me."
"I kinda shoulder surfed her one day. And you were just so damn interesting."
"Uh..thanks"

I told you that I don't take compliments very well, but I managed to express my gratitude.

"So how long have you and Kristie been dating?" she asked.
"Ewww... he's like my brother." Kristie replied.
"I was wondering, because you didn't mention it on your blog. I was wondering if that was PHD."

I turned to Kristie who had a quizzical look on her face.

"She's talking about Monica. That was my blog nickname for her."
"Oh, I see. Nah, he's single. What about you?"

I shot Kristie a look like WTF are you doing? She just shrugged and went back to sipping her Sangria.

"You wanna join us for a drink?"
"I really should be getting back to my friends. I just wanted to come say hi."
"Well, okay. You take care."

Kristie continued her role as matchmaker.

"You guys should go out sometime."
"Don't mind her. She's a lightweight with the liquor now a days."
"Well, why don't you call me anyway? Here's my number."

She wrote it on a red book of matches and passed it to me.

"Okay, I'll talk to you soon. Have fun with your friends."
"You too."

I wanted to curse Kristie out for putting me in that situation, but I couldn't. It had worked. I didn't leave the house with the intentions of meeting someone, but I sure wasn't gonna turn the opportunity away. I sat back in my chair, a quiet confidence resting upon my visage, even though Kristie had done all the work for me.

And then I woke up. I grabbed my phone and saw no entry for Kim in it. My mind was playing tricks on me again. It felt so real, but in fact it was just another one of my vivid dreams. Sonofabitch!

Dikembe Mutombo

I apologize for the tardiness of this post. I've been feeling extra lazy today. It probably had to do with the snow coming down again. Twice in two weeks? That has got to be some kind of record. But you didn't come to read about that, you want to know what happened last night with "Not a date" girl.

Well, I hate to say it, but I was right. It did turn out to be a set up of sorts. It started out when I was on my way to the spot. I was almost there when she called me to say that she had to go home and cause she forgot her credit card and could I just meet her there instead.

*Block attempt* *Waving finger saying "get that weak shit outta here*

Yeah, I had to Dikembe Mutumbo that one. "It's your birthday, I got you. You don't need your card." I mean, what kind of friend would I be if I couldn't buy her 3 or 4 drinks on her birthday. That was not a problem.

So, I got there and we just so happened to pull up at the same time. I noticed she was solo. I guess her imaginary friends were gonna come later. I was almost proud of my own powers of deduction then I realized "damn, this is really just gonna be me and her." I mean I suspected going into it, but when I didn't see anybody else, I just knew. She told me that they were on their way, and that we could just get a quick drink before they showed up. Okay, not a problem. I am a fan of the alcohol. About 30 minutes later she "allegedly" got a call saying that they couldn't make it.

I say allegedly, because if your closest friends stood you up on your birthday, wouldn't you be upset? She acted like it didn't bother her at all, even with me instigating the issue. You won't believe the unimaginative excuse either: it was too cold. C'mon, it was like 45 degrees last night, no rain, no snow, no nothing. If this was true, then she really needs some new friends.

Anyway, on her 2nd (my 4th) drink, she had to go the restroom. She made a comment like "I better finish my drink before I go. I don't want you putting a roofie in it and taking advantage of me." In my loosened state, I actually said what I was thinking and replied "You aren't the one that needs to worry about that. If anyone needs to worry about that, its me." Oops, I did it again. I let the arrogant Rashan out. You would think that would cause problems, but it only made it worse. I guess they are telling the truth, when they say women like confidence.

As the night went on, she was sitting closer and closer to me. By the end, she was damn near on my lap. Rubbing my head and trying to rub my...

*Get that weak shit outta here*

That's all I'm gonna say about that. She said it was an accident, but I don't think so. It was accident all four times? I wound up drinking more than I planned and I actually did have fun. But yep, it was a set up. At the end, as I was going home, she asked me to follow her home to make sure she was safe. Raise you hands if you can see through that one. I did even after 2 gin and tonics, 2 shots of patron, a grand marnier and and amaretto on the rocks. Yeah, I know that I probably should have drank less, but I was still on my toes. I'm good. I told her that if she was that drunk, then we should call her a cab. She just sat there looking disappointed. If it sounds like I'm leaving stuff out, its just because I need to hit the streets before the ice takes hold. I'll holla back later.

Channel 32

I thought alcohol was supposed to be a depressant, some one tell me why I am still awake? See, I drank mojitos and champagne yesterday. You would think that I would be a little sleepy, but I'm not. Yesterday, I hung out with some friends watching the Ge.orgia Bul.ldogs stomp on that overrated football team from Hawaii. By halftime the game was pretty much over, and I took that as an opportunity to have my first drink(s) of the New Year. I kept it light, with the aforementioned mojitos, and some left over champagne that didnt get popped the night before. I had a good time hanging out. We talked shit as always, and played some Playsta.tion. But mostly, I sipped on some drinks that would not get me drunk.

On the way home several hours later, the wind was blowing hard and it started snowing. Snow used to excite me when I was younger, but now all I think of when I see the white stuff is how long its gonna take me to get to work if it continues. If there is any snow of consequence in Atlanta, the city will shut down. If there is moderate snow then everything stays open, but people lose their minds. They just don't know how to drive in the stuff. Not saying I'm an expert by any means, but I do have enough common sense to drive slow when the conditions dictate it. Luckily, this snowfall was more like a flurry and as of 8 this morning, I'm happy to say that nothing stuck.

That made me think of this past weekend. I was in Savannah and the temperature was 71 degrees... in December! Now, my hatred of Savannah has been well documented, but I could deal with some of that weather right now. Do you think it would be feasible for me to live down there during the winter months? The current temperature here is 21 degrees with a windchill of 8. Man, that's cold. I am not equipped for this weather anymore. 5 years ago, it would be no problem. I would go outside with a light jacket, but I'm old now and my body doesn't adapt well to the cold. In addition to the general cold feeling, I also get mad dry and ashy when the temperature dips and this Sua.ve extra dry moisturizing natural oatmeal lotion is not cutting it. It's like I put the lotion on, and then 5 minutes later, my hands are dry again. Its annoying.

As I'm still up, (I just watched 5 straight hours of Entou.rage and have 5 more to go to catch up.) I checked the local news and saw that the high is gonna be 37 and the low 15. That just doesn't work for me. I have the heat on, and still am wearing a fleece hoodie just to stay warm. I'm about to go old school and stand in front of the oven. At least the snow flurries have stopped and I shouldn't have any problem dealing with weather related traffic later this afternoon on the way to work. Aiight, gotta go get some more lotion now, holla at you later.

Oh yeah, channel 32 is the Weat.her Chan.nel.

Rashan's Holiday Drunktacular

Friday I went out. I had like 3 or 4 different posts in mind about it, but since its the holiday and nobody's reading anyway, I'll just condense them into one long rambling post. If you notice the tone is different in different parts of the post, its because I wrote them all separately and don't feel like editing. LOL Okay, enough of an explanation... May I present to you... Rashan's Holiday DrunkTacular.



Original Title: The Break-Up



I'm supposed to meet my homegirl for drinks at our usual spot. But she wants to meet at 4:30 for happy hour. Well, that's all fine and good, but I didn't wake up until 2:30 and I wasn't quite ready to begin drinking that soon. I texted her and told her to push it back an hour, which was still during happy hour, but gave me a little more time to wake up and get ready. The bar is on the other side of town, which without traffic would take me 15 minutes, but during Friday rush hour traffic took me a good hour and 15 minutes. I wasn't ready when I left the house, but after sitting in the traffic I was ready for a drink or 3. By the time I got there, my homegirl was already on her third drink and feeling nice. I had a Crown and coke to start off as we caught up with each other.



Several drinks and a couple of bar appetizers later, we got the bill. I need to digress a minute. The reason we go to this spot was it was close to my old job and the bartender always gives us a hookup. We take care of her and she takes care of us. We have never paid full price for anything we ordered there. So imagine our surprise when the bill comes and it has every damn drink that we ordered on it. It just wasn't right. And to make it worse, our favorite bartender who always takes care of us, didn't even give us a heads up. Anyway, we paid it, but if its gonna be like that, I'm gonna have to find a new spot. I don't feel like driving across town for full price. Besides, the same people are in there all the time anyway. I need to break up with Dave and Busters.



Here is where I wrote a break up letter with the bar. It was silly, so I'll go ahead and move on to the next part.



Original Title: Where The Grown And Sexy Go To Get It On And Popping, Off The Damn Chain And Make It Do What It Do...



Since we had started drinking early, the night was still very young. I reluctantly agreed to go to Taboo 2. I don't do regular clubs for a couple of reasons. #1. I don't dance, so there's really no purpose in my being there. #2. I just don't like the whole atmosphere of the club. It seems like everybody is scheming on each other. #3. My musical tastes are different. I'm pretty sure that with the exception of an old school hip hop set, I'm not gonna hear what I want to hear. Regardless, I decided to stop being a stick in the mud and check it out. It was interesting to say the least.



The Friday night party was called "The Afterwork Attitude Adjustment." That was enough to almost make me abandon the club. It was sponsored by one of Atlanta's "grown folks" radio stations and while I do like the music they play, I find the DJ's to be annoyingly corny. But whatever, I went in and the club was nice, I guess. I don't really have too much to base that on, since its been years since I've been to one that doesn't feature strippers. LOL. It seemed to be like the clubs I remember from the old days. Overpriced drinks ($10 for a shot of Patron???), Men wearing dark sunglasses in the club (I'll never understand this as long as I live. That does NOT make you look cool.) Women of all kinds with fresh hairstyles and new outfits (It was a nice variety of eye candy there.) But one thing was a little different than I remember.



Being that this was a grown and sexy party, the people there were a little older than I would have thought. Don't get me wrong there were some 20's and 30's there, but there also were some 40's and 50's. You should have seen them all, regardless of age, run to the dance floor when "The Cupid Shuffle" came on. I just don't get the appeal of that. There was a 5 song set of songs when the artist tells you what to do. I hadn't heard of some of them. But apparently, negroes like to be told which way to go when they are dancing.



Actual Text Message To My Sister:

HELP!!! I'm caught up in a Cupid Shuffle!

Her Response:

I think the help is to the right, to the right, to the right...



Here I talked more about the club, but its a little redundant so I'll move to the next part...



Original Title: Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me?!?



I learned something tonight. I can dance. I don't mean that I can dance well, but I can move enough to get by. Why didn't anyone tell me that all I had to do was just stand there and move a little? How come nobody told me that the woman does all the work? How did I not know that dancing is nothing but a girl rubbing her booty on me? I can learn to like this.



Yeah, I got roped into dancing. I took a few overpriced drinks, but I was finally feeling free enough to give it a try. It started with "light pink lipstick girl" (I have no idea what her name was.) But we were talking at the bar and she wanted to dance, so I did. Later during a slow jam set, I got on the floor again. This time with "Smells like cinnamon" girl. I figured that even I couldn't look silly dancing to a slow song. Later, during a Michael Jackson set, I got asked to dance by "middle aged, dresses too young for her age" woman. I couldn't say no, could I?



Don't get it confused. I won't be going out to just for the sole purposes of dancing, but get enough drinks in me, and I might be able to get out on the floor.



Cutting it short again, since I combined 3 posts in one



Okay that's enough... As you can see my thoughts were all over the place. Bottom line is this, I went out and had some fun, even if most of my fun consists of laughing and talking about people. And as much as I was drinking, I really didn't get drunk at all. Anyway, have a good one, and I'll get at you later.

I Shouldn't Have Had That Last Shot

When someone asks you if you want another shot, and you know that you shouldn't, please take my advice: Trust Yourself.

I was doing just fine, remaining in that tipsy zone, on the edge of drunk, when the waitress asked if I wanted another shot. Actually, she peer pressured me into it. Said "It's your birthday, you gotta get twisted." Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. I can usually withstand it, but something about the combination of bouncing booties and trying to have a great time, made me change my mind. I made that fatal mistake that many club goers make. I ordered another shot...

"Lemme get a double shot of Patron"

Why I do that? I was doing just fine, being judicious with my funds. Being selective with the table dances. But after that shot, I was just gone. Any dancer that whispered seductively in my ear got a dance, even that snaggled tooth girl who ordinarily just sits down because nobody wants her to dance for them. Don't get me wrong, I already had a strip club budget for my birthday; I didn't take in more money than I could afford to spend, but I could have kept even more. I still walked out with money in my pocket, but that easily could have been doubled if not for that last shot.

I didn't like what I was feeling. I was keeping a mental tally of my loot, but was unable to stop myself from spending it. I was even oblivious to the fights that happened right behind me. Or when the DJ stopped the music, I didn't even notice. The worst part was that I had to stay in the club longer than I intended to, just to make sure that Patron wore off. It would have really sucked to get a DUI on my birthday. Today, my actual birthday, I'm dragging. I didn't have to be at work until 4:30, but I was still late. I wouldn't call it a hangover, but I definitely was feeling some kind of way today. I didn't want to see any food, especially not birthday cake. Now, I'm better. Ready to respond to all the birthday text messages and calls that I ignored this morning and afternoon. Ready to start being 33. Don't get me wrong, I had a helluva good time, but I really shouldn't have had that last shot.

Pictures And Stuff

This weekend I hung out with the ex co workers. I didn't ask anybody's permission to post their picture so if you know them, just don't tell them about it. This will be our little secret. These are all people I used to work with.


Me after a few


Me and Loquacious Girl. That's what I called her on my old blog. She used to sit right outside my office and eavesdrop on my personal phone calls and talk all day.


Me and K (aka half of the Maybe-Weds)


Shot # 4? or was it 5? I lost count.


Me and Inappropriate Cleavage Girl. It's covered today, but when I used to be her manager, the twins were always on display


They are doing shots called BlowJobs. Supposed to do it with no hands.



Me and C. I couldn't think of a nickname for her. But she's mad cool.


Me and Chi-Town. If you read the old blog, this is the one who used to come over all the time to watch the Sopranos and drink all my liquor.


Me, Chi-town, Loqacious Girl, and K


Will somebody tell them to hurry up and get married already?


I don't know how I actually got them to pose together. They actually hate each other in many different combinations.


A bunch of ex co-workers including B.A.N. (Bitchazznigga)


Another group shot.

The Apple Picking thing pretty muched sucked. It wasn't like I remembered it as a kid. Maybe because that was in New York and here I was in the mountains of Georgia. There weren't hardly any apples left to pick. But there was a petting zoo. The kids got to play with some animals. I of course, hate animals and have horrible allergies so I stayed on the outside and took pictures. Here are some of the flicks I snapped.



T.


D.


C.


Me and the Boys



Me and C.

The rest of these pictures are from just chilling around the house.


My niece and nephew on my computer


My nephew on his laptop. Yes, the 11 year old has a laptop and I don't. He paid for most of it himself.


I do have more than one shirt, but this is from a couple of weeks ago, about to go to the Stevie Wonder concert. I would have put up a pic of me and PHD, but Diva told me not to.

And finally, here is my little nephew again. He's going through potty training now. They sing him a song "Potty like a Big Boy" to the tune of "Party Like a Rockstar" I wish I could upload video, because I got one of him on the potty with his stunner shades on, rocking along to the song. It just might be the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life.


POTTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR


Okay, sorry for overloading you with pictures, but it's easier than writing a real post. Have a great start to your week! I'll holla on Tuesday.

Not Much Of A Post Today

Just a short post today. I couldn't find anything in my drafts that didn't need extensive editing and I don't feel like doing that...

The weekend is upon us again and this time I got stuff to do. I had to find alternate plans since PHD is going to be hanging out with her sorors at her undergrad homecoming this weekend. My old job is closing their office here in Atlanta and sending the jobs to Mexico or something, so I'm supposed to hang out with the old co workers as they celebrate unemployment. I told them I was coming early in the week, but then I looked at the Evite invitation list and there are some people coming I just don't want to see. Well, really just one, but I guess I'll suck it up and worse come to worst, I'll just get drunk and curse somebody out. I'll be sure to take lots of pictures of the drunken debauchery.

Saturday is going to be a family day. I mentioned in my Dear Autumn post about how I used to go apple picking every fall as a kid. Well, the next day my sister told me she was taking the kids to do that this weekend. So, I invited myself to hang out with them. The apple orchard is somewhere up in North Georgia and we'll be going in the morning provided that we get our procrastination in check. I don't have anything to do that night, but the Atlanta Football Classic is this weekend, and the city will be packed, so if I want to I'm sure I can find somewhere to go. More than likely, I'll just stay home and watch those DVD's (Knocked Up, Grindhouse, and Next) I got from Netflix. Sunday, I'm supposed to get up with PHD in the afternoon. Probably just go to lunch or something before I go to work, but I'm not sure yet.

And that's it. Not much of a post today, but it's the weekend, why should I have to do work? Have a great weekend, and I'll get at cha next week.

Why I Don't Trust Women! or The Imaginary Player

Today's random thought: I finally took my contacts out and started wearing my glasses. I think they look pretty good. Someone told me I "don't look like such a jerk with my glasses" I didn't really know how to take that, but I guess it was a compliment.

I got some serious trust issues. I just don't believe anyone is genuine until they prove it to me. It's like guilty until proven innocent. People tell me all the time that I'm too cynical, but I don't think I am. I think I am just realistic. People lie all the time, and I kind of just expect it at this point. I mean, it is what it is. I try not to worry about things I can't change. But before anyone thinks I'm being too harsh, let me tell you a little story about this girl I met Saturday night.

I saw her across the bar. She was sitting with her girl, looking a little disinterested. But then our eyes locked. I was deep into the Jack and didn't have my normal reflex of averting my gaze. I was looking and I wanted her to know. The thing is she was looking back. Staring actually. My self conscious side wondered if I had something on my face so I subconsciously started wiping my cheek. But that wasn't the case. I was straight. She was actually just looking at me.

I zoned out of the conversation I was having with my friends. I mean, how many times are they going to bring up my mistake from a couple of years ago. Everybody has one or two on their list that they regret, so why can't I? But I digress. Anyway, I glanced back over and the girl was still looking. Even someone as dense as I am couldn't ignore that hint. It was time for me to go talk to her. I got up and made my to other side of the bar.

I won't waste time with a long stalkery description of her appearance, but suffice it to say she was attractive. Her name was Desiree and she was drinking Grey Goose and cranberry. I motioned for the bartender to get her another one, by this time I was sipping on a Grand Marnier. I was just about done drinking, since I had the hookup all night. 4 Jacks and Amaretto Di Serrano on the rocks and now the Grand Marnier for $8.50 and a hefty tip and I was straight. I sat next to her and made conversation, at first pedestrian as I felt her out to see what level she was on. I soon learned all the basics, like she was 28, single, no kids and worked as a social worker for the city. I could tell that she had a brain on her, so we soon started talking about deeper topics.

Two drinks, a stimulating conversation and 30 minutes later, her friend was ready to go, so it was time to say goodbye. Desiree grabbed my cell and put her number in, then called her phone so she would have mine. I walked her out to her car, her friend looking increasing irritated by my presence, but I didn't care. It had been a long time since I met someone that piqued my interests, so I was going to milk it for all it was worth. She gave me a quick hug and told me that I should call her sooner rather than later.

Now, if you have ever read my blog before, you know that was a made up story. Okay, now what really happened. I was sipping on a Grand Marnier and she was drinking that Goose. I was checking her out and she was looking back. But here's where the truth diverges from my imaginary player story. I was feeling a little uninhibited from all the drinking I was doing, so I had every intention of going to talk to her. I even got up of the bar stool and walked in her direction. The only problem was by the time I got to that side, her man walked in. I mean, I think it was her man, he sure acted like it with his grabbing the ass and all. I felt a little foolish, so I played it off by pretending I was going to the bathroom. After waiting an appropriate time frame, I went back to the bar where my friends were still talking about that damn girl from a couple years ago.

And now the real ill part. As I was leaving I saw her again. I was outside waiting for my friends and she was leaving with the guy but making eye contact with me again. Her friend discreetly came over to me and handed me a slip of paper with a name and number on it. She said, "my friend wants you to call her." The story of my life... Every chick that's interested in me already got a man. They say there's a shortage of men in Atlanta, but I don't believe that mess because every woman I meet seems to be attached. Just thought I would share my embarrassing moment with you guys. It's just further reason for me not trusting people. BTW, you all will be very proud of me, I threw the number away without ever calling it. Now that's progress.

Attention Deficit Dis... Hey look a shiny nickel!!!

I know I left you hanging with the whole fire post, but in light of what happened, I didn't feel like posting the story I wrote. It was about how me and my homeboy Kareem burned down his mother's crib on New Year's Eve 95. Turns out that my apartment was okay, but a nine year old boy died in the fire supposedly because he went back in the burning building to get a video game. It was too sad at the time for me to write a trivial post. When bad stuff happens to kids it really fucks with me. Anyway, if you want to read about the fire, here is the news link. Maybe one day, I'll pull my brush with fire story out of the drafts (it was pretty funny) and post it, but for now lets get back to my regularly scheduled nonsense.

Today's Random Thought: I really can't stand Rihanna. I don't have anything against her, but I just really do not like her music. I don't get why people like that "Umbrella" song. It seems like it was written by a 12 year old and features what may well be the worse Jay Z verse ever. He's not even on beat with his verse.

Let me start off today's post by giving a shout out to umm, what should I call you? Probably don't want me using the gov't name. I can't remember your blogger/myspace name, and I'm too lazy to look it up... Oh, I got it. What's up Mya Luv!!! It was cool hanging out with you Friday. What's that twice in a month? We keep this up, you might actually forgive me for not returning phone calls. LOL.

Speaking of Friday, I took notes cuz I was hearing some funny shit. Here are some of the highlights all by the "Drunk Lesbian." DISCLAIMER: All uses of the word "bitch" are quotes. I don't call women bitches, just suspect dudes. LOL

"Bitch, I will stab you in the liver so you can't drink no more"

Or the 5 minute diatribe about how she "beats her bitches"

Or when her girlfriend didn't answer the phone, "This bitch is avoiding me, she even take her phone with her to the bathroom. I mean she don't miss a call even when she's shitting"

Then she said she likes Asian men because (and this is a quote) "their penis is almost like a vagina."

And even later she ran dude out of the bar by drunkenly asking this dude who was tryna holla "Bitch, why you rubbing your man titties?" (He really was, it was hilarious) He was so shocked, he just left the whole bar.

Oh the comedy was in full effect. I only wish I was tipsy at the time.

Insomnia Update: I was off for 4 days last week. My insomnia has reached epic proportions.
Tuesday Night: I didn't sleep until 10:30 the next morning.
Wednesday Night: I fell asleep around 7:30 AM
Thursday Night: I fell asleep at 8AM
Friday Night: I fell asleep at midnight, then woke up at 2AM and didn't go back to sleep until 9AM
Saturday Night: I fell asleep at 7:30 AM.

The only good thing about not sleeping is that I have been catching up on some movies that I was late on. My favorite movie I saw this week, was "Talledega Nights", with Will Farrell. That was the funniest movie I've seen since "The 40 Year Old Virgin" I also watched "The Number 23" (it was aiight) and as I type this I'm half watching "Rocky Balboa." I think if this lack of sleeping persists, I'm gonna pick up one of my goals from last year. I was going to watch all of the movies on the AFI Greatest Movies list. So far I have seen 48 out of the 100. I know it's nerdy, but I gotta be what I am right? I used to want to make movies, and no, I'm not talking about R. Kelly type movies.

Speaking of Kels, have you heard his album? Just when I thought he couldn't get any more ridiculously raunchy, he puts out this album. I like it though. And don't tell no one, but I actually like Ne-Yo's album too. I wouldn't buy it, but I like it.

Can you tell I'm multi tasking right now? This post is on some ADD stuff, but that's okay. At least I'm finally posting semi regularly. They can't all be winners.

I think I'm an ass man now. I used to be more into the total package thing, but now I think I'm in Sir Mix A Lot's camp now. I like big butts... No real story there, just my A.D.D. kicking in.

I was told that I don't have Social Anxiety Disorder which I have self diagnosed myself with. If that's true, then I am just a lame. I think I like my excuse/defense mechanism better!

You wanna know the coolest thing in the world? My nephew calls my nuncle. Or nunka, something like that. But he recognizes me as his uncle. Kids are cool. Oh yeah, I don't have any kids. I think I confused some people when I did that letter to my son. That was all imaginary, a creative writing thing.

I like the idea of doing a "things that annoy me" post regularly, but I would probably sound like a real hater. I mean I am a hater, but I don't wanna come off that way.

Maybe it's just me, but I can't separate Eddie Murphy from Donkey anymore. Even when he gives interviews, I still think of the Shrek movies.

Why did I include a random thought, when the whole post turned out to be pretty damn random?

Anyway, it's that time again, boys and girls. Time for me to pretend that I'm gonna go to sleep when in actuality, I'm going to pop in the DVD of "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane" and stay up for a couple of more hours. Blockbuster Online is the shit even if they did copy Netflix. Have a great Monday!

1000 Words AKA The Picture Post

Last Friday in Pictures



This is me right after I got my haircut by a barber who was under the influence of marijuana. I didn't realize he was high until he was half finished.

This is me outside my nephew's soccer game, only he wasn't there because they didn't have enough kids his age to play.

Since there was no game, I decided to take up my ex coworker's invitation to go get some drinks. This is me on my way to Dave and Buster's in Marietta for happy hour.

These are a few of the people I used to work with. I had been incognegro for a while, so they were glad to see me.

We drank and laughed

And drank some more...

This girl is preparing for the Girls Gone Wild pose. I have the other picture, but didn't think it would be appropriate to post, at least without paying her. LOL

6 drinks later...The bartender hooked us up majorly. 3 shots of Jack, 2 Henn and cokes and some shot called a Lethal Weapon for $20 and my eyes are about closed

That's about it, I'll try to write something else tomorrow or the next day. Be easy!

Intoxicated Ruminations

February 2nd, 2007 - 3:00 Am - IHOP - Stone Mountain, GA

I was hungry after a late night at work so I stopped to get a Big Bacon Omelette from IHOP before heading home. I'm used to being the only one out and about at this time, so I was surprised when I saw the parking lot was full of people who had just left the club on a Thursday night. I think they were partying at The Atrium or possibly Strokers. As I waited for the 7 foot tall African hostess to bring my to-go order, I noticed that everyone seemed to be having much more fun than me and realized that I'm getting old. But that's neither here nor there. I was reading a text message on my phone when she walked in... in fact I smelled her before I saw her as she reeked of old liquor and Newports. She was about 5'5, although that could have been a result of the gold stilettos she wore. She had on a white low cut shirt and some camouflage capri pants that defied the 30 degree Atlanta weather. She sported a baseball cap that was slightly askew on her head and covered long straight blond hair. I glanced at her, noticing her alabaster skin, and then she spoke:

Black-White Girl: "For reals, yo! That bitch just threw up in my car"

I was taken aback for a second and then responded...

Me: "You talking to me?"

Black-White Girl: "Yeah, dawg! She threw up all over my window, and my jacket, and I'm out here and I'm mad cold yo!"

Me: "Who are we talking about?"

Black-White Girl: "Tina, man! She's out in the car laying in her own throw up. I need a fucking cigarette."

Me: "Word? That's messed up, Ma!" I replied and went back to pretending I was sending a text message.

I noticed her fidgeting and muttering to herself and immediately recognized the signs. The Black-White girl was drunk as hell. I can remember the days when that would have been me, minus the excessive forced Ebonics. It's been so long since I've been sloppy drunk in public, but seeing her made me flashback to those days.

November 25th, 1997 Savannah, GA

It was my 23rd birthday. Normally, 23 is not one of the big ones, but I was determined to have some fun. I was a recent college graduate with not much thought of the future besides what I was going to drink and where I was gonna get the weed from. I decided that I wasn't gonna hang with my girlfriend of three years who was home from graduate school for Thanksgiving break. (Coincidentally, that relationship didn't make it to the new year.) Instead, I met up with the fellas at Jimmy Boatwright's crib to get started on my long night of drinking and debauchery. When I got there, my two best friends, Kareem and Tori were there along with Jimmy and his brother Rashad, and some other cat, whose name escapes me. They pulled out the cheap ass Barton's gin, which was all our broke asses could afford at the time, and we started taking shots. Before I knew it, I was already tipsy. Then someone had the bright idea to mix the gin with with Sunny D. I drank cup after cup of this nasty concoction, until I was inebriated beyond belief. Then it was time to go to the club...

I don't really remember who was driving, but I know they were driving my mom's black Geo Metro towards Downtown Savannah. As was customary, blunts were rolled, we drank out of red plastic cups and freestyle raps were recited. When we finally arrived down on Broughton Street, I was so gone, that I was staggering and didn't care who knew I was drunk. In fact, I even announced my drunkenness to strangers, including a SPD officer who laughed it off. My homeboys, however, didn't see the humor in the situation and quickly shuttled me into the first club with a chance of being decent. We went to The Zoo. Wednesday nights were hip hop nights, they called it the Soul Kitchen. It was one of the only places in Savannah, a Northern ex-patriate like myself, could go to party to some East Coast music, without hearing the obligatory Master P or Mystical set. I had high hopes for the evening, as I just knew I was gonna have some fun.

As soon as I got in the club, however, I started feeling sick. The Barton's Gin started catching up with me and I had to sit down. I found a seat and lit up a Black and Mild, while waiting for the club to stop spinning. I watched the ladies dancing to Biggie and Wu Tang, but was too drunk to make my way to the floor. The next thing I know, Kareem is slapping me on my shoulder telling me to wake up. I had a beer bottle in one hand, which had spilled on my Polo jeans, and the burnt remnants of the plastic Black and Mild tip in the other hand. Who knows how long I was sleep, or for that matter, how I got the beer in first place? I just knew that getting up was not an option. I was drunk in public and I didn't care who knew.

Eventually, we left the club, although I don't remember when or how I made it to the car. I was sitting in the backseat drifting in and out of consciousness. This was the first and last time I drank to the point of passing out. I remember throwing up out the window of the car and I remember getting pulled over by the police on the highway, but it only came in flashes, like I was sitting in the dark and someone kept turning the light switch on and off. I woke up at Kareem's mother's house upstairs and with no recollection of how I got in the house, much less up the treacherous stairs. It was now Thanksgiving day, and I was still feeling the effects of the alcohol as I drove home the next morning/afternoon. I pulled up to my grandmother's house and then I noticed a bright orange streak on the side of the car. I looked a little closer and then it hit me: That was my Gin and Sunny D brightly contrasting against the black paint on the passenger side door. I scurried back to the whip and went to a car wash before anyone could see the mess I made in my mother's car. To top it off, I drank so much that my hands were shaking and I couldn't even hold a fork to eat Thanksgiving dinner. (That caused a bit of a problem at my girl's house, cuz apparently they thought I was being bougie by not eating their food. I blamed it on the flu. LOL) I think I really had alcohol poisoning that day.

February 2nd, 2007 IHOP - Stone Mountain, GA 3:15 AM

Finally, Hakeem Olajuawon's sister brought my food and I could go home. I looked up at Black-White girl and saw she was dead asleep, and drooling. I laughed to myself because I remember the days when that could have been me. Well, I wouldn't have had a grill in my mouth, but you get the point. I used to be the cat to hit the club every Wednesday - Saturday. Or do a dine and dash at the same IHOP at least once a month. Or smoke weed in the Marta station during Freaknik like it was legal. It was stupid, but I used to have fun. Am I smarter now, or just more boring? That's a rhetorical question... I'm afraid to see how some of you would answer. LOL