Music Is My Girlfriend

I can associate a song with just about every girl I dated. Whenever I hear certain songs it just makes me reminisce on the old days. The women come and go, but the music and the memories last forever.

I can take it back to the early days. Whenever I hear "Rock wit you" or "Tenderoni" by Bobby Brown, I think of my first real girlfriend Dedra. I think about how much of a lame I was back then who had no business trying to have a girlfriend that I was scared of. I think we "went together" for about a month and never even talked on the phone.

When I hear BoyzIIMen's "Uhh Ahh (the sequel)" and Shai's "Comforter" I think of the times me and Shay spent at her crib while her mama was out buying weed. You can get away with a lot of stuff when the girl's mama is high as hell all the time.

Mary J Blige and K-Ci "If Loving You Is All That I Have To Do" always reminds me of the time when D2's mother walked in on us right before it was about to go down. She came to tell us to turn down the music and that song was playing. I never did get that close to sealing the deal with her again.

I spent 3 years with Lisa in college, so I have plenty of musical memories of her. The ones that come to mind the most though are Faith and 112's albums. Many nights we stayed in that little room in her sister's house listening and being inspired by those albums. I also can't listen to Al Green without thinking of Lisa. When we finally ended our relationship, the upstairs neighbor was blasting Al Green's Greatest Hits. If our breakup was a movie, then that was the soundtrack. To this day when I hear "For The Good Times" I smile because the song just mirrored what we were going through.

Don't look so sad I know its over
But life goes on and this world keeps on turning
Let's just be glad we have this time to spend together
There is no need to watch the bridges that were burning

Lay your head on my pillow
Hold your warm and tender body close to mine
Hear the whisper of the raindrops
Blow softly against my window pain late at night

It ain't all R&B though. When I hear anything by Master P or Mystikal, I instantly think of that wild night at "The Zoo" when "Bootleg" (That was her actual nickname. I didn't give her that name) tried to rape me in the corner of the club. I need to write that story out one day, shit was straight comedy. I was drunk or high, or both and some stuff happened that I try to block out of my memory. But if I hear "Make 'Em Say Uhhhh!!!", the repressed memory just comes back.

"Jazzy Belle" reminds me of Aries Chick # 2. She was from Atlanta and was always playing the Outkast whenever I snuck in her dorm room. That and "My Boo" by Ghosttown DJ's. She was a real party girl and that was required party music back when we were kicking it.

Or when I hear "Gotcha Open (Remix) by Black Moon, I instantly think of the one that got away. Her name was Kailee and we were vibing the whole night at the Soul Kitchen, one of the few spots where they played hip hop in Savannah. I was enthralled with her because she knew the lyrics to all the East Coast hip hop songs that only I liked. Oh yeah, and she was dead fine. She wrote her number on 5 dollar bill, and I think I accidentally used it to buy a drink. You should have seen me trying to remember that number. I still remember it was 912 236 but I couldn't remember the last 4. I was sick about that for a minute. I tried everything I could to find a way to bump into her again, even hanging out with some hip hop heads from the Savannah College of Art and Design (where she went) that I couldn't stand hoping that someone knew her. I never did find her.

"We Can't Be Friends" by Deborah Cox always reminds me of my stalker chick. The times before I knew she was a stalker. That song was always on the radio when I was taking that long ass ride home from her apartment in the morning before work. I wish I would have known at the time that she was planning our wedding without my knowledge and planned to use "Happily Ever After" by Case. I can't listen to that song to this day.

The girl I lived with songs were "Fortunate" by Maxwell and "Beauty" by Dru Hill. "Fortunate" was the first time that I had ever did the corny "that's our song" thing. We were together 2 years, so we got a lot of musical memories too. Like smoking out to 8Ball and MJG's "Space Age Pimpin'" or her turning me onto Jill Scott and me turning her on to Nas and Mobb Deep and her subsequently taking all my Nas Cd's when we broke up. (What up, C! If this is one of those rare occasions that you are reading this, you know I had to put you on blast for that ish!)

I can't hear "With You" by Tony Terry without thinking of Tweety. We were so incompatible musically that this was probably the only song that both of us liked. She liked Ruben Studdard and cats like that, while I was more into the hip hop and neo soul type music. I remember we took this road trip once, and she was listening to gospel music when she drove and I was listening (or trying to) Ghostface. We couldn't agree on much of anything including music.

I got so many more musical associations, but I didn't really intend for this to be this long. It's about 7:30, and I haven't been to sleep yet, so I'm gonna just stop this. But before I go, let me ask: Is it just me that associates music with people from the past? Do you do the same things? Tell me some of your musical memories. One!

Maxine Pt 2

Part 2 of my attempt to make my life seem more dramatic than it really is. I think I'm really just writing to be writing. Here is the conclusion of the Maxine story.


We stood outside the Savannah Civic Center, freshly minted high school graduates. Maxine had her thug boyfriend's arm draped around her. My Brandy look a like girlfriend stood next to me, paying more attention to her friends in the school band than to me. Although events of the last year (too embarrassing to write about) had strained our relationship a little, Maxine and I found our way back to the comfortable friendship we had nurtured over the past 6 years. I had accepted that Maxine would never be my girl, even getting in (and out) of a serious (for high school) relationship. Although I still felt her, I was no longer playing myself for her.

"So what are you doing tonight?" I asked.

"The family is going to dinner and then to the party at the Masonic Lodge"

"Oh, so you just forgot to invite me" I joked.

"No, come on now. You know, everyone is gonna be there. What you need an engraved invitation or something?" she said, hitting me on the arm.

"Okay, then I'll see you there tonight. I'm gonna roll with Kareem and Tori."

"Congratulations Hoodlum! We did it!!!"

"Damn, right, Princess! High School Graduates!"

We hugged and she gave me a peck on the cheek and then we went our separate ways. I walked across the parking lot with a sense of relief. For some reason, at the time, high school felt like war. If only I knew that school was cake compared to going to work every day and paying bills.

I never did make it to the party, though. I went to dinner with the fam and I was just about to roll out to the party when my father took me aside to offer me some words of wisdom between sips of Seagrams and drags on his Newports. I got ready to leave again, and then my mother cried and held on for dear life. Then my grandmother had to pray over me. Before I knew it, it was late as hell. When my boys and I got to the party, the police had already shut it down. Something about somebody shooting off guns in the vicinity. Savannah was like that. You couldn't ever have any function without violence happening. I went through all that to say that I missed Maxine. As the summer went on, my lack of a car as well as my hanging out with "Brandy", prevented me from seeing Maxine again. Before I knew it, it was time for college, I went to Savannah State and Maxine went to Georgia Southern. It was only 45 minutes away, but I never saw her again.

Until tonight. Just by chance, Maxine, or her doppelganger, just happened to be in the same Kroger, at the same time, on the same night as me. I don't usually talk to people when I'm out, my self diagnosed social anxiety disorder stops that. But I had to know if it was her. I don't know if I really wanted it to be her, or not. I mean, what can I say that I have accomplished in the 15 years since I last saw her? Never married, no kids, not where I want to be in my career. What if it was her and she achieved her dream of becoming a lawyer while I didn't become the successful rapper or writer that she told me I could be? What if she is happily married with children while I am perpetually single, albeit mostly by choice? What if? Oh, forget the what ifs? I decided to go for it and approached her in the ice cream aisle.

"Hey, Maxine?" I inquired.

She didn't look up. Although we were the only two people in the area, she must have thought I was talking to someone else.

"Excuse me, Is your name Maxine?"

"No, I'm such and such." I forget what her name really was.

"I'm sorry. You just look like someone I went to school with. Sorry for bothering you"

"No problem. Where did you go to school?"

"In Savannah."

"Nah, I'm a Grady Baby. I'm from here."

"Okay, sorry again. Have a good night."

It wasn't Maxine. But it looked just like her.

Maxine

I happened to notice a girl in a light shade of blue
I happened to see her, the sight of her leaves me confused
She may not be you
But she looks just like you

"Maxine" John Legend

I love that song. If you haven't heard it, here's the link. In fact, when I first got the album, I listened to this song over and over. The girl in the following story's name is not Maxine, but we'll call her that to keep in the theme of the song. Besides, I learned my lesson last year using some one's real name. She found the old blog and read all about herself, so to avoid that happening we'll call her Maxine. Another real life crazy situation from Rashan's life.

I know all of you told me about hanging out at 4 in the morning, but I'm a midnight marauder. That's what I do. I can't sleep at night and I can't get up in the morning. So when I have to do stuff like go to the grocery store, chances are its gonna happen in the wee hours when most normal people are sleep. Tonight, I hit up the Kroger to replenish my chicken waings and ground turkey and almost lost my mind. I think I saw Maxine for the first time in 15 years. Matter of fact, I can tell you the last time I saw her. It was June 1992. The night of our high school graduation.

Maxine was the one. Even though she never felt me like that, I was hopelessly devoted to her. We were friends, and try as I might, I could never cross the friendship boundary. I used to get stuck in that zone a lot. I wasn't always the ruggedly handsome blogger you see now a days LOL. I was the chubby, quiet, eccentric, well lets just say what it was. I was a big nerd. Don't go feeling sorry for me, I liked who I was. I was a paradoxical figure. I could recite Big Daddy Kane lyrics one minute and in the next make a Herman Melville reference. (Bartleby the Scrivener was my shit.) But it didn't always translate well to others. I was a little off putting to some people and others just didn't know I existed. Such was high school, but Maxine got me. I mean, she was one of the few people that I consistently remained friendly with. And I carried a mean torch for her too going back to the middle school days when she had a curl and I rocked my first flat top.

Fast forward to tonight. I'm walking down the cereal aisle, looking for the Cinnamon Toast Crunch, when I passed her. We gave each other the obligatory head nod and I thought to myself "She looks like someone I know." I couldn't place it so I kept it moving. I ran into her again in the meat department. I saw her out the corner of my eye, scrunching up her nose as she looked at a package of pork chops. That's when it hit me. Oh shit, Is that Maxine? I watched that wrinkle of her nose for 6 years. And I remember being weak when she flashed that smile that revealed that dimple on her left cheek. If she would just smile, I would know if it was her.

I didn't know if it was Maxine or not. She looked the same, albeit a little heavier than high school. But that's to be expected, that was 15 years ago. I flashed back to those days when she called me the Intelligent Hoodlum and I called her my Nubian Princess. I know it sounds corny now, but again, that was 15 years ago. Maxine was the first girl that made me go stalker. Even as I finally got a real girlfriend in 11th grade, she would have been dropped in a minute if Maxine was willing. And tonight, in a bit of serendipity, maybe I saw her again, in another city, 15 years later. I had to know. Was it her?

"Hey, Maxine?" I spoke...

She may not be you, but she looks just like you...

Prodigal Pt 3

I THOUGHT I POSTED THIS LAST THURSDAY WHEN I WROTE IT, BUT APPARENTLY I JUST SAVED IT.

Something about Savannah makes me feel like a child again. I already told you how I was at Grandma's house. Well, Friday morning, my mother wakes me up and tells me that I have an appointment with the eye doctor. Yeah, a grown man whose mother makes his doctor's appointment. It was just as well. I had been putting off going to the eye doctor for a couple years. I've been wearing the same pair of contacts for the last year. It's so bad that it's a running gag with some of my co workers. This girl at the job calls me "dirty contacts." Anyway, I wasn't really feeling getting up in the morning so I changed the appointment to the afternoon and just hung out with my mom and her husband for awhile. I knew when I got to the doctor I was in for a lecture. She's a friend of my mother's who I've been going to for almost 20 years. Except in the 7 years since I left Savannah, I probably gotten my eyes checked twice. Long story short: I got my lecture and got some new contacts and even ordered some glasses. Here I am trying on a pair.

I left Dr. Brown's office and went to see my grandmother again. This time I decided to take the scenic route. I drove past some of my old stomping grounds: DeRenne Middle School, which is now an adult education school; Frozen Paradise, the club I used to go to every Thursday and Saturday; New York Avenue, where I had a crappy one bedroom duplex and where I first shacked up with the ex. Yamacraw Village, where I almost got shot; that gas station on Montgomery where I almost got shot, and all the places in between where I was drunk or high, partied or hooked up with loose women (j/k). I found myself getting nostalgic for Savannah. I remembered that for a time, this was home.

I had some bad times there, but I finally remembered the good times too. Like the Orange Crush parties on the beach, or my years at Savannah State, or just hanging out with a girlfriend or my homeboys. Savannah wasn't all bad. I thought about some of the people I left behind and wondered what they were up to. Where the hell is Boo Trotter? We were as close as could be for a while. How is Kareem really doing now that he is out of jail? That's my brother from another mother. Is Tori staying out of trouble? Is he still pursuing the music thing? What about Charis, Latarsha, Senita, Tiffany, Kelsey, Lorenzo, Nicole? Where are they now? What about the high school cats like Reggie, Chavon, and Billy? Are they all still alive? The curiosity got to me for about 30 minutes.

I say 30 minutes because that's about how long it took me to drive around the city. Before I knew it, I had seen everything I wanted to see and was back over my grandmother's house. Savannah is too small for me. It takes me more than a half hour to get to work each day and I had relived 12 years of Savannah in that amount of time. After hanging out at my grandmother's house for awhile, I went back to mom's to give her another Nate break. Before I knew it, it was 11 o'clock and everyone was sleep except for me. I had nothing else to do since I saw all of Savannah earlier that afternoon, so I just sat around and waited to get sleepy. It didn't happen. I felt the walls closing in on me, so I took a drive out to Tybee Island, intending on hanging out on the beach for awhile, but the heavy police presence sent me packing. Normally I would have just drove back to Atlanta since I like driving at night, but I promised Nate I would see him in the morning so I went back to Mom's crib and crashed for a few hours before getting up to go home in the morning.

So there was my Savannah trip. Like so much of my life these days, it was pretty uneventful with just enough drama mixed in to keep me alert. I did learn something though. Savannah, although not my ideal city, is a part of my past and as long as I am blessed to have family there, part of my future. Could I ever see myself living there again? Not so much, but I do hope that I can bring myself to visit more often.

THESE PICTURES HAVE NOTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH THE POST, BUT SINCE I'M EMPTYING OUT MY CAMERA PHONE FOLDER, I MIGHT AS WELL SHARE. THE FIRST PICTURE IS THE MOHAWK THAT MY NIECE CUT FOR ME. THE SECOND IS ME AND NEPHEW TAKING A NAP. THE LAST ONE IS ME AT WORK.