10 Years Ago

Ten years ago today, I stopped smoking weed. I know most people don't remember the exact day, but I'll never forget. I made a vow to stop and I (with the exception of 2 slip ups) stuck to it. Weed was fun, but it also got me into some situations I shouldn't be in. I originally was gonna just repost an entry from my old blog, but there were way too many stories that involved weed. Before I moved to Atlanta, I was a weekend weedhead. I was never that type that had to smoke everyday, but you best believe on the weekend, it was on. But I'm good now. I still think it should be legal, but thats another post. I don't miss weed, but every now and then, I wonder what it would be like now. I should celebrate my 10 year anniversary with a Philly. LOL

Anyway, if you are bored over the weekend, or just want to know some more about young and crazy Rashan, check out these posts from my old blog. There's probably more cursing than I do here, so be warned. Also, if you see me refer to myself as T. or Terrance, that was my old blog name. If you comment, please comment here, cuz I will not be checking the old blog. Otherwise, I'll be back Monday with a new post.

So High I Could Kiss The Sky

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

New Year's Resolutions - Revisited

Last year, I made some New Years Resolutions. Since 2008 is upon us, I thought I would revisit these and see how I did. The first 10 were not serious resolutions, but let's check them out anyway. New comments are in BOLD RED

1. I resolve to make at least one comment per day that makes someone call me a jerk, an asshole or if I'm feeling especially sarcastic, a douchebag (like the girl at work called me when I made fun of her furry shoes.) Mission Accomplished!!! While it wasn't everyday, I pretty much held fast and true to this one. My funny-only-to-me jokes had people exasperated all year.

2. I resolve to shock the hell out of people by actually showing up to their function and not being anti social every weekend. I had a nice little run of going out for most of the year. True, I still had my sit around and do nothing moments, but not as many as in the past.

3. I resolve to become addicted to some activity, be it blogging, Playstation, internet porn, or Comcast On Demand. No real new addictions to speak of. I guess you can say I was re-addicted to blogging in November and December, but I think its still within healthy levels.

4. I resolve to look longingly at women and then not talk to them because of my self diagnosed Social Anxiety Disorder. *sigh* I guess I have to admit that I still do this.

5. I resolve to make excuses for my behavior, rather than changing it (see # 4) Not really, In 2007 I became more about accountability. Even if I didn't change any behaviors, I accepted responsibility for it.

6. I resolve to mock whatever form of music is popular in '07, and secretly like some of it. Yep, for as much smack as I talked about the radio this year, you could catch me rapping or singing along with it from time to time. Even that ridiculously bad T. Pain... I wouldn't necessarily turn off "Buy You A Drank"

7. I resolve not to buy a CD again before I hear it. Thanks Nas for helping me out with this one. I really want to like Hip Hop is Dead, but it ain't working out for me. I eventually did like Nas' album, and I bought 3 CD's just off the strength of liking the artists and it worked out for me. Other than that, Limewire is my best friend.

8. I resolve to avoid phone calls from people that I used to be cool with and then call them a month or two later and act like nothing happened. Did that. Also, just never called some people back at all.

9. I resolve to drive around aimlessly while trying to decide what to get to eat, then get fed up and come home starving and eat oatmeal. Let me count the days I did this one, except instead of oatmeal, it was usually a peanut butter and jelly sandwich until I inexplicably became allergic to peanuts about halfway through the year. Then I switched it up to hot pockets or cereal.

10. I resolve to start an ambitious project and then get bored or writer's block and just stop, while leaving people hanging. Yeah, I'm still not finished with my novels, but at least I didn't keep the blog hanging. When I started a story, I finished it.


Then I got serious and came up with some real resolutions. Let's check my progress...

1. I resolve to have, in the words of everyone's favorite oversinging R&B diva, "No More Drama." I'll say about 80% of the year, I was drama free. That's a whole lot better than last year. I did have some war of the exes stuff going on in the beginning, but I think that's all over.

2. I resolve to make myself a priority and make sure the people around me treat me as such. Wow, I took this one to heart. I actually think I took this one too far. I became inflexible in 07. It was all about me, and if you couldn't get with it, then too bad for you. I may need to pull this one in a little in 08. With the exception of my family, I didn't do anything I didn't want to do, no compromise in me at all. That's not good. LOL

3. I resolve to start going out more or at the very least get a life outside the internet. I went out some. Lots of going to the bar, some dates, a concert or two, couple of football games, clubbing, general hanging out. Nothing excessive, but good enough for me.

4. I resolve to get promoted within 6 months. If you can call it a promotion, it took 8 months. I actually don't want anymore promotions until I can figure out my next move. I guess I shouldn't have put that application in at work today.

5. I resolve to take care of my health better this year. And yes that includes finally getting some new contact lenses. Mixed bag here. I got new contacts and glasses. I had only needed them for like 3 years. I actually went to the doctor when I was sick instead of letting it go away on its own, so that's progress. On the flip side, I gained back 10 of the 40 pounds I had lost in 06. I guess losing weight by doing nothing doesn't last forever.

6. I resolve not to become involved in other people's mess. See # 1. Absolutely, I killed this one. For once, nobody could say, Rashan said this or Rashan said that. Hell, they couldn't even find Rashan. I was so self absorbed this year that anybody else's mess had no chance of getting on my radar. Its also hard to get caught up when you don't answer the phone. LOL

7. I resolve to stop being late. I'm actually doing a lot better at this one. I get to work like 45 minutes early b/c I'm trying to avoid traffic. I still get to work on time, but I have been known to show up at functions 2-3 hours late. Mostly, its because everything goes down either too early or on the other side of town. Why can't my friends get together at night like normal people? They act like they got a curfew or something. LOL

8. This is a repeat from last year, but I resolve to spend more time with my family. I'm doing pretty good at this one too so far. Another winner! You can see from all the pictures I put up, that my family is a very big part of my life. And you know what I love about this? We can just BE, it doesn't have to be a big emotional deal when I take the kids out to the mall or to dinner. It's just a cool Uncle hanging with his cool nephews and niece.

9. I resolve to force myself to eat, even when I am not hungry. No more going two days without eating. Big fat stinkin' failure. Although I haven't gone 2 days without eating, I have skipped a day here or there. And I still only eat one big meal a day, messing up my metabolism. I can't seem to manage to eat more often.

10. Finally, I resolve to continue my journey of personal growth, understanding that I don't know all the answers and I'm not always right. (It killed me to type that last sentence.) Here's the deal. The more I try to humble myself, the more I realize that I am always right. Okay, realistically I know that I'm not always right, per se, but lets just say, my first impressions are usually correct. I don't know why or how, but in 07, I've been right way more than I've been wrong about people. That being said, I know I don't have all the answers. But I think I have grown to the point where I am accepting of people's differences, and don't particularly judge them for disagreeing with me. I know I just typed a whole lot to say a whole little, but dig this. I know my journey of personal growth will never be over, but I like where I am at this point.

No resolutions this year. At least none that I care to share with anyone else. I have a few in mind, but they are gonna have to take place later in the year. January 1st is too close to accomplish these. But you know me, it wont be long before I spill the beans, especially on one of those nights when I have nothing left to blog about. Everybody have a Happy and safe New Years Eve and I'll see you in 08. *insert corny rhyming 2008 saying here*

From My Drafts: How To Remain Celibate (Without Really Trying)

Sometimes I just think of a concept I like and try to write about it. Sometimes it works out, other times the tone completely changes in the middle of the post. That's what happened with this one. When I started writing this post, it was intended to be lighthearted and jocular. I soon realized that most of it is actually true and it wasn't so funny to me anymore. I also sounded like I was biting the Humanity Critic's style, so I never posted it. Anyway, maybe you will find some humor in this one. I wrote this back in early July. More sad truth about Rashan!

How To Remain Celibate (Without Really Trying)

It's amazing how easy it is to not have sex. Sometimes just a simple word or action will keep you chaste. I sat down and thought about what's (not) going on. Here are some of the ways I have managed to maintain my unintentional celibacy over the last few months.

Not Returning Phone Calls - I don't ever answer my phone. Usually its because I'm busy or sleep, but sometimes I just don't feel like hearing about the same old stuff over and over. I had an old partner call me a couple of months ago. It had been a while and I just assumed it was the regular old catching up phone call. I didn't even listen to the message until a couple of days later. When I finally returned the call, I was quickly informed that I suck and I should have called back sooner and all the rest of the lecture that I always get when I neglect to call people back. And then just to make matters worse, it turns out my one missed call was a booty call (do people still use that term?). Chalk one up for the abstinence police.

Inappropriate Memory - Met this girl named something or other. Thought I knew her, but couldn't remember where from. After a couple of days talking on the phone, it hit me. She used to dance at the Blue Flame. Her stripper name was Black Desire. I found a pretext to ask her about it, and she lied at first and said it wasn't her. She told me the real deal a couple days later. As much as I like strippers, I can't see myself messing with one. Hypocritical? You damn right, but it is what it is.

Post Coital Pillow Talk - The last time I had sex, we did what we did and I was damn near sleep. She kept fidgeting and talking to me. I accidentally said "Are you still talking?" I know that was messed up. I was thinking it but I didn't mean to say it out loud. Oops. Coincidence or not, there has been no return engagement.

Multiple Personalities - Occasionally, T. Cas decides that he wants to come out and play. Rashan is a nice guy who sometimes has a smart mouth. T. Cas is a smart ass with a mean streak. T. Cas usually lies dormant until the liquor gets in me, but on a few occasions, he has come out saying shit that Rashan regrets. Like the time when this girl read me a poem she wrote. Rashan would have said something like "oh that was pretty good." But T. Cas said something like "I see where you were trying to go, but the rhyme scheme was a little juvenile." Not the best tactic for convincing a girl to swallow my babies.

Clueless - I sometimes get my Stacy Dash on and get real clueless. I have no idea that a chick is feeling me. I miss all the signs until its too late. I don't see a light touch on the arm as the flirting it really is until I analyze the situation later. Then I curse myself out for being so dense. Probably also not a good idea to ask "Why?" when she asked me to put my number in her phone.

Nerd Alert - I have to remind myself that not everybody gets me when I'm in nerd mode. Instead of finding me scholarly, they find me pedantic. So instead of saying "talk a lot" I say "loquacious" or instead of just saying I don't like Lil Wayne, I break off into a ten minute diatribe about how he just babbles incoherently in the hopes that the listener doesn't realize that what he said doesn't actually mean anything. Or coming up with specific examples of how that line that everybody else thinks is so hot is actually a bad simile that would make Rakim commit suicide so he can turn over in his grave. See I'm doing it again. I gotta remember to dumb it down for my audience if I'm gonna actually have relations sometime this year.

Just Plain Not Trying - Here in lies the major reason. By no means do I consider myself to be God's gift to women, but damn, some of the ugliest, no job having, treat women wrong type brothers can get some, so why can't I? I guess its because I don't try. I could analyze myself and say its a fear of rejection, or maybe it's because I just I don't wanna be bothered with people. I don't know, I haven't gotten that far in therapy yet. That old adage applies to my dealing with women: "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." Shit, maybe I just want someone to chase me and do the hard work.

Whatever the reason, I'm in a dry spell. Nah, check that. My shit is like the Mojave. I have been unintentionally celibate for, nope I'm not even going to type how long. I started this post making jokes, but now looking at the truth of the situation, I'm actually kinda depressed. LOL. I might as well start looking in to a monastery.

Alternate Titles: We're Not Making Love No Mo', Unintentional Celibacy, No Sex And The City, How To Talk Your Way Out Of Sex...

An Oldie But Goodie

Random Thought of The Day: I don't trust people who smile too much. It's okay to smile when someone makes a joke, but for a grown man to just be walking around with a smile on his face makes me nervous.

I was reading my old blog this morning just to see what I was writing about this time last year. I came accross this post from the same week a year ago. It was pretty good if I do say so myself. And since I am lazy, I decided to repost it. Sort of a Greatest Hits kind of thing. If you have already read it, then I will see you on Monday, if not, I hope you enjoy it. BTW, my old blog was really good. I'm on my own jock about some of the posts. I need to get my blog swagger back like I had last year.

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN STALK?!?! (recycled from June 5th, 2006 on IT WAS WRITTEN)

This joint comes courtesy of an IM conversation with Tenacious the other day. I can't remember how we got on the topic of stalkers, but I thought it would be funny if stalkers had a rule book, sort of a crash course in Stalking 101. They always tend to do the same things, so I was wondering where they learned this from. Not to mention that I have an overactive imagination. Allow me to present to you a little post I like to call So You Think You Can Stalk?

Good Afternoon class and welcome to Stalking 101. My name is Professor I.M. Watchinu. If you haven't taken the required prerequisite classes of Obsession 202 and Inappropriate Displays of Affection 215, please leave the class now. This is a high level course and is not suitable for amateurs or people in love. Feel free to reenroll once that relationship goes sour. For those of you that remain, please take a look at the required media located on your syllabus. You must purchase "Fatal Attraction" and "Single White Female." In addition, "A Thin Line Between Love and Hate" will be a prominent part of the class discussion.

I want to start you out with an overview of what we will be covering this semester. In the first week, we will be teaching various methods of watching someone without being detected. This includes but is not limited to, subtle glances, dark sunglasses, hiding in the library and my personal favorite, the drive by. Are there any questions so far? Yes, you in the corner in the black hoodie.

Stalker #1: What's the driveby?

Well, I'm glad you asked. A driveby is when you slowly ride by your stalkee's house or job in hopes of catching a glance of them. They can not realize you are watching, so you have to come up with a legitimate reason for being in the neighborhood in case you are confronted. For instance, if your subject works in the mall, you have to pretend you are going to buy his or her favorite artist's CD. This also gives the illusion that you have something in common with your subject.

Stalker # 1 : But what if you don't know their favorite artist?

You get out of my class right now!!! You obviously haven't taken Obsession 101. Finding that tidbit of info is fundamental to being a stalker. If you don't know at least that much then you simply like the subject, and you are not ready to stalk. Now, where was I?

Yes, the next step is the stakeout. In this course you will learn techniques on where to place yourself to acheive maximum stalkerness. You may want to sit in your car and watch the subject. This is not as easy as it sounds. You must find a poorly lit section of the parking lot to blend in with the darkness. Also with the rising gas prices, its not feasible anymore to leave your car running while you spy. For this reason, you must learn how to maximize your fluid intake and control your sweating. This is only for advanced stalkers, the amateurs will find themselves running back and forth to the restroom thus missing several observation opportunities.

Next up is the phone call. You must learn what time is best to place stalking phone calls. If your subject is a night owl, give him/her a call in the morning when they are just waking up. If they are an early riser, then call late at night. This is when your stalkee is most vulnerable and subject to make decisions that they may not normally make. Once you have established contact, you have to know what to say. In this course, we will teach you the correct verbaige to make your subject uncomfortable. Lines like "I feel like I've known you my whole life" or "You looked really good in that green dress 17 days ago." I know this is the first day of class, but I want to hear some of your best stalker lines, so I know what I'm working with. Any volunteers?

Stalker #2 - "How about, girl, I've been watching you since the 3rd grade"

Stalker # 3 - "I have one. I can't wait until you make me pregnant"

Very good, class!!! I see you have experience. I would caution you though to be a little more subtle. You don't wanna give away the fact that you're a stalker right away. Remember stalking is a marathon, not a sprint. Hopefully by the time midterms come around, you'll see the difference. Okay, lets continue with our stalking syllabus.

Next up is the inappropriate gift. This one trips up many potential stalkers. You have two schools of thought here and I will teach them both. First, you have the practical gift givers. These stalkers like to give gifts that their subject can actually use. Gifts like off brand cologne, ties, scarves, lingerie, and the list goes on and on. Then you have the sentimental gift givers. These people like to give handmade cards, flowers, jewelry, and my personal favorite, poetry.

Stalker #4: Which school of thought are you in, Professor Watchinu?

Well, I like to mix things up and pick from both types. For instance, for my Senior Stalking Thesis, I made my stalkee a mixtape of her favorite Luther Vandross songs. I also got her some perfume from Target and topped it off with 12 dozen yellow roses. I sent it to her office building on a day that she had an important meeting. I don't expect any of you to be this advanced yet, but hopefully I can teach you to think outside of the box.

Stalker #4 - That was amazing! I hope I can be just as big of a stalker as you are!

Stalker #5 - What other tips do you have for us aspiring stalkers?

Well, if you look on your syllabus, the last section is entitled Miscellaneous. The last 2 weeks of class are going to be intense. You will learn things like how to be a non romantic stalker, you know when you just stalk your friends. Also, I'll teach you how to react to your first restraining order. Here's a preview of that one: It's just a piece of paper. Finally, I'll tell you what to do if your stalkee actually gives in.

Stalker #4 - I've heard about that happening, but I've never experienced it. What do you do in a case like that?

Stalker # 5 - I usually come down with some sort of erectile dysfunction. Is that an acceptable approach to getting the girl of your dreams?

You are on the right track. ED is a common reaction, but there are other things to consider as well, such as going crazy, locking hin/her up in your basement, or ruining their lives because they are actually human, and not worthy of being on a pedestal. But lets not get ahead of ourselves. You aren't gonna learn to be a stalker overnight.

This course is going to teach what you need to know, but a lot of it comes from you. For this reason, class participation is a must. I want everyone to start a stalking journal and fill it with the details of your obsession. Extra credit if you come up with something I haven't seen. Let me just say, I think I've seen it all from writing in blood, to writing in iambic pentameter, to sketchbooks. It will take a lot to surprise me, but I believe you have the potential to do it. Since its the first day of class, I'll let you leave early. But before I do, are there any questions? Remember there's no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people.

Stalker # 6 - Professor Watchinu, why must we stalk people?

Great question! Stalkers fill a very important role in our society It is our duty to stalk because people need to feel wanted. Without us, the normal and well adjusted would not know what true passion is. Everyone needs to be stalked at least once to feel that rush of life. Its the sheer fear that we cause- that lets them know that they are truly alive. All right class, if there are no further questions, I'll see you next week. Make sure you bring a candid picture of subject preferably taken with a cell phone camera or a long lens camera. And if you can find a baby picture, that's even more extra credit. Class dismissed.

It was written...