10 Things I Hate About You

Dedicated to my annoying co worker....

1. You're pretty dumb. You've been working here long enough to know the things that you ask me on a daily basis.

2. Your voice is annoying. I don't know where that accent comes from, but can you give it back?

3. MuthaFu... my name is not Rashad. It's on my name badge, its on my desk, its on my email, my instant messaging. I've told you. Not a "D", an "N".

4. You have the same conversation several times a day. I know the Lakers won. I'm not happy about it either, but it is what it is. No need to rehash it every hour.

5. You think you are an expert in sports, but as far as I can tell you've never picked a winner. Celtics, Rockets, Nuggets, Cleveland.. Its one thing to root for the team, but don't talk big about what's gonna happen, and then come up with excuses once the opposite happens.

6. You be interrupting people's conversations. Son, do you see me talking? Well, I wasn't talking to you. Wait your turn, better yet raise your hand and wait for me to call on you.

7. How old are you anyway? You look like about 60, but your wife just had a baby? And you got Rick Ross as your ringtone? I don't hate you for being old, I hate you because I can't figure out how old you are. LOL (yes, I know this one was a stretch.)

8. You be looking over my shoulder. Don't worry about what I'm doing on my computer. Don't be trying to look at my Facebook pictures. Or at the very least, at least be discreet about it.

9. You be lying. Why is you lying, yo? Whenever a celebrity is brought up, you say you know them. For real, you went to school with Gabrielle Union? For real, you homeboy is Dwight Howard's step father? For real, random NFL player used to date your sister? Stop lying!!!

10. You talk to me. While I don't mind some people talking to me, you aren't one of them. We aren't friends. I don't like you. That's why I ignore you when you speak. Or pretend to be on the phone, or elongate conversations with other people so I don't have to talk to you. It's also the reason I changed my desk at work. I don't want to hear you drone on and on about stuff I don't care about.

Thursday Thirteen: What I've Been Doing In The Week Since I've Blogged.

1. Getting a concussion. A mild one, but my head was hurting for 2 days. I got hit in the bumper on I 75. I’m cool. Thanks for your concern. LOL

2. Hanging out with Jameil. She came down Tuesday!!!

3. Watching inordinate amounts of Dexter. I got a couple of DVDs from Netflix, and then instead of waiting for the rest, I downloaded the rest of season 2 and 3. 24 episodes in a weekend.

4. Watching an inordinate amount of “Weeds.” After I got done with “Dexter”, I moved on to Weeds. Downloaded the 4th season of that.

5. Making excuses for not blogging. Honestly, I didn’t feel like it, so I didn’t do it. *Insertlameexcusehere*

6. Coming up with a plan to rule the world. Well, not exactly world domination, but I need to make moves. The writing is on the wall at work, and I need to have a plan.

7. Doing as much of nothing as possible at work. Between the slow times and the computer issues, a couple of days I shouldn’t even be there. It’s like a full time job not to go home early. (although I’m salaried, they take that time out of my check.)

8. Not calling people back, or not responding to emails. Umm, yeah, you all know that’s how I roll.

9. Making fun of people. Since it’s been so slow at work, this gives me lots of time for laughing and joking with the co workers. The more they talk, the more ammunition they give me for comedy. I wish I would have blogged about some of these situations, as they cracked me up.

10. Getting harassed by Aries. You saw the post last week from the old girl that I haven’t seen since 97. I got another facebook message from a different Aries who evidently neglects to see all the pictures of me and Jameil. Come on, Aries women, stop trying to get at me. LOL

11. Starting and stopping writing. I got drafts both in blogger and in my work email that I haven’t finished. At least when I finally decide to become a full time blogger, I won’t have far to go to find ideas.

12. Becoming more and more frustrated with the co workers incessant talk about losing weight. How many crazy diet ideas can you try, before you decide to bite the bullet and actually walk down that one flight of stairs. At the very least don’t talk loudly about your BMs and your colon cleansing. I don’t want to know about it.

13. Teased people to their faces... and they didn't catch on. We had a meeting the other day at work. This guy was supposed to be facilitating it, but knew nothing of what he spoke. After 5 minutes of silently mocking, I decided to "help" him. I turned on the overhead projector and found all the answers that he didn't know. I was mocking him, but he really, really thought I was helping him. Everybody cracked up, but at the end of the meeting, he stated "I'm going to look to you for help next meeting." Dog, you didn't even see that I was calling you dumb and undermining your authority. What a waste of sarcasm. LOL

A Late Thursday Thirteen: The Biggest Loser

So, they are doing a Biggest Loser type thing at my job where different teams get together and try to lose weight. You may be thinking, how can Rashan possibly be in opposition to that? Well, I'll tell you. While I'm all for people getting healthy, the team names some of these people are using are just ridiculous. Keep in mind this is a WORK thing... Here are thirteen of my least favorite Biggest Loser - Work Edition Names...

1. Baby Phat
2. Brick Houses
3. Bringing Sexxxy Back
4. Don't Feed The Models
5. Dyme Divas
6. Dynomite Divas
7. Divas Going To Knock Off Pounds
8. Divine Divas
   
9. Dropping It Like It's Hot
10. Keepin It Real
11. Northside Dymes
12. Poundz Krushers
13. Thick Wit It

Why everybody gotta be a diva? LOL. They sent an email to EVERYONE in the building. All departments. All department heads. All executives. Then they proceeded to talk trash to each other...copying EVERYONE on the emails. So ridiculously unprofessional. Or maybe I'm just a hater. I've been known to do that too. LOL

Everybody's Doing It/Subconscious

Everybody's doing it:

So why shouldn't I? Seems like everywhere I look, people are slacking on the blog game. I blame facebook and twitter. It's a lot easier to just write a one sentence blurb than an entire blog post. But that's not my reason for not writing. I just didn't feel like it. I had a routine that I've fallen out of, and am trying to get back, but I won't make any promises. I haven't posted in almost a week, but to be honest I haven't even really thought about it (except when Jameil is harassing me about my lack of posting.) I was even off work today, but still found other things to occupy my time. Anyway, I guess the first step to getting back in the blog routine is to actually write something, so here goes nothing...

Subconscious

The other day at work I realized that my subconscious made me do something that my conscious mind didn't realize. I admit this to you, because I just know that none of my regular readers (except Jameil) will judge me. Here goes: I realized that when having a conversation with a gay man, of which there are plenty at my job, I go out of my way to make sure that other people know I'm not gay too. This entails a subconscious deepening of the voice, putting extra distance between us, grabbing the booty of the first female that walks by, and mentioning my girlfriend more than usual. My conscious mind doesn't care what people think of me, but subconsciously I realize that I do. That got me thinking about some other things that my subconscious makes me do. Wanna read a list? Good, cuz here is one:

Flinch: I flinch when someone touches me. It can be something as simple as tapping me on my shoulder or someone trying to hug me. I can feel myself recoiling at the prospect of unsolicited human contact.

Get Nervous When My Mom Calls: I always get shook when I see Mom Cell on my caller Id. I don't know what I expect to hear, but I always assume the worst. Like either someone died, or I forgot someones birthday, I just always get a feeling of dread.

Turn the radio/tv when I hear the name Obama: I just don't wanna hear any more criticism. I think I take it way more personally than I should. My solution is to just avoid it.

Look away: I'm a people watcher. I'm always observing some odd behavior. But when someone sees me looking, I immediately turn away. Even if my conscious mind wants them to know that I see the crazy mess they are doing, my subconscious wont let me.

Put Pen in Mouth: When I want to smoke, my pen serves as a surrogate black and mild. My addiction is pathetic, I know. Please no lectures.

Pretend to be on phone: If I'm on break and someone approaches me, I pull the phone out real quick and pretend to be on a call. Its mad obvious, and one of these days, I'm going to hurt someone's feelings, but you know what, blame it on the subconscious.

There probably are some more, but now Jameil is on the phone and we are going to watch a movie. So I'll talk to you guys later...

Thursday Thirteen: Things I Do NOT Want At My Wedding.

Thirteen Things I DON'T Want At My Wedding

1. Electric Slide - Or bus stop, or cha cha slide, or whatever new "I'm doing the same organized dance as the other 200 people on the dance floor" dance that's out. I know its a black tradition to throw on the Earth Wind & Fire and sliiiiiide to the left, but that's verbotten at my wedding.

2. Visible tattoos - I was in my cousins wedding and all the bridesmaids, in addition to looking like strippers, had these hideous prison tatts showing on their bare arms and backs. I'm not trying to see a tattoo of your baby daddy who got shot in 04 in my wedding pictures.

3 White Tux - Having worn a white tux in both my aforementioned cousin's and my mother's wedding, I can categorically say that I do NOT look good in a white tux, therefore there will be no white tuxedos in my wedding. *Sidenote* my cousin tricked me into the white tux thing. I got measured in a black tux, and then when I went to pick it up in Dallas, it was white. I was heated, yo!

4 Trendy hairstyles - Let's keep it classy and timeless. (I sound like Puffy.) I don't want my groomsmen rocking cornrows or a fauxhawk. And I don't want the latest ghetto bright hair color for the bridesmaids. Again, these wedding pictures are gonna last a lifetime. Let's try to think about the future.

5. Long sermon - I don't want the officiant to use my wedding as practice for Sunday's sermon. Keep it short and sweet. We can have communion another time.

6. Candles - If I'm gonna be up in a hot church in a monkey suit, last thing I need is more heat radiating and making me hot. I'm a sweater by nature, and I just might be nervous, so let's just pass on the extra open flames. (I've been talked into the Unity Candle - but candles as decoration are out)

7. Exes - Yeah, they can't come. No matter how cool we are, they just gonna have to miss out on this event. I can just see one of my old stalkers showing up trying to object to my impending nuptials. Pass on that.

8. Pinning Money - I think its tacky to pin money on the bride. Plus, I don't really want no one getting that close to her bosoms like that. Bad enough people gonna be hugging and kissing on her all day. LOL - We can do this Godfather style, just hand me an envelope stuffed with cash and we are all good.

9. Cake Fights - I don't like the whole smashing cake in the face thing. I know people get a kick out of it, but shove some cake in my face and see what happens. Nothing? Okay, so I'm all talk, but let me shove cake in Jameil's face and see what happens. LOL.

10. A Mean Wedding Coordinator - I don't want to plan my whole wedding. In fact, I'd like to just show up and say I do. But, I can't take people talking to me all kind of way. I know that the coordinator has a high stress job, but I tend to do the opposite of what I'm ordered to do. They need to watch how they talk to me.

11. A Huge Wedding Party - Some weddings are just too big. You really gotta have all 9 members of Wu-Tang as your groomsman. Do you really need every girl that went to summer camp with you as bridesmaids? And the kids? I love the kids. Kids are cute. But there needs to be a limit to the number of kids you have in your wedding. Not all kids can handle it. You may need to break out the American Idol style tryouts to whittle the list down.

12. No Wedding Crashers - You wanna come? R.S.V.P. I'm thinking that I might need to have bouncers and a velvet rope. You ain't gonna mess up my seating arrangement.

13. Coonin' - No pimpin' down the aisle. No flashing grills. No canes. No oversized T Pain top hats. No Stanky leggin'. None of that ghetto stuff. Be hip hop on your own time.

A Very Special Christmas Edition of Thursday Thirteen: 13 Things I Love About Jameil

Merry Christmas, everybody. I'm not sure how many people will be reading, but if you are, here is another collaboration with Jameil. Actually, she hasn't read this ahead of time, but the idea was constructed together. Be sure to check out Jam's list of what she loves about me.

1. Our Long Phone Calls - Being in two different states, the majority of our time is spent on the phone. I love how we can always find something to talk about or even just enjoy each other's silent company as we do different things. I think the longest we've talked on the phone has been 15 hours in one day.

2. Following Dreams - I love that Jameil is following her dream to make documentaries. A lot of people have lofty ideas, but never do anything about them - present company included. I'm so proud that she is actually taking action to make this a reality.

3. Sense of Humor - We have some of the craziest, most hilarious conversations. I wish I could put some of them on the blog sometimes, but I'm not quite sure everybody would get the joke, or if they did get the joke, they may not appreciate us laughing at you. Needless to say, in a 15 hour phone convo, there has to be lots of humor to keep it interesting. Jameil has that part covered.

4. Passion about the news - Okay, this may get on some people's nerves, but I love it. Whenever we are watching any local news show, Jam immediately starts critiquing it. This comes from her background as a news producer. She knows how things should be done, and always points it out if its done incorrectly. I've learned a lot just from hearing her rant about the news, and you know I like learning new stuff.

5. Accepting My Weirdness - I'll be the first to admit that I'm not normal. In fact, I wear weirdness as a badge of honor. This can turn some people off, but Jameil seems to take it in stride. It's a good thing, because my brain isn't turning normal anytime soon. LOL

6. Talking About Anything - I don't know if there is any conversation that is off limits with us. We can talk about the past without any strangeness. We can talk about the future without any nervousness. We can plan our hypothetical kids names without either of us running for the hills. I love that no matter what the topic, we can keep everything in perspective and not have to be all guarded around each other.

7. Long Hugs - When I first see Jam after two or three weeks, you can bet that we are going to be locked in an embrace for several minutes. I can tell that she is genuinely happy to see me, and the feeling is definitely mutual.

8. Making Fun Of Each Other - We are ridiculous with this one. The same way we make fun of other people, we make fun of one another. It's all good natured teasing. She loves to call me old because I am 7 and 3/4ths years older than her. She likes making gay jokes about me since I like a lot of TV shows and movies that most heterosexual black males don't watch (i.e. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Gilmore Girls, etc.) She knows she can do this because I can take a joke. I'm not one of those sensitive cats that's gonna run off crying in a corner because somebody ribbed me. I do the same to her, but I'll leave those off the blog. I'm not crazy, ya know.

9. Food - Whether she cooks or we go out to a restaurant to eat, we gonna eat. And we gonna eat good. And I love that she is not scared to try new places. It's cool being able to go to some new spot and experiencing new culinary delights. I've had situations before where we always went to the same restaurant week after week. We definitely have our go-to spots, but there's always some new food adventure around the corner. Also, she's introduced me to the wonderful world of brunch. Where has that been my whole life?

10. Strong Personality - I love how UN wishy washy Jameil is. She knows what she likes, she knows what she believes in and she doesn't waver. The way she presents her self is the way she is. There's no fakeness in her. I never have to wonder if she is just saying something to keep me happy. If she doesn't agree, she'll tell me forcefully that she doesn't agree. You never have to guess if she feels strongly about something. Jameil is an antonym for the word sycophant.

11. Falling Asleep - I love when we fall asleep together. It feels like the most natural thing in the world, holding her while we watch a movie. Or her rubbing my head til I drift off. It's the sweetest thing. I definitely miss that when I'm not with her.

12. Competition - Lots of things between us are competitions. We've had 3 day long sessions trying to outdo each other. For example, once we had a competition to see who could say the most outrageous thing about a certain blogger. That thing dragged on forever until I finally was tapped out. It started on personal email, moved to work email, and continued on the phone. Neither one of us wants to give in first. These are friendly competitions by the way. Neither of us are sore losers. (If she would ever lose, she might be a sore loser. She always seems to get the best of me in these competition with her ol' stubborn self. LOL) By the way, we don't often have comment competitions, but when we post about the same thing, best believe its a battle. The posts when we announced we were dating, she won that time. Last week's T-13 was a tie. I'm hoping that my bloggers will represent for me this time! COMMENT ON MINE, NOT HERS!!!!!

13 Hey... - Cuz I know it's gonna be followed by "I Love You." It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside no matter how many times I hear it. I love you, too babe!

Hire Me?

Amidst all the talk about my company being "in a position of strength" and "poised for the future" comes the reality that we are just like everybody else. People will be getting laid off, bonuses are being cut, belts are being tightened. I can see the writing on the wall. I'm not saying I'm gonna be without a job, but I need to prepare for the possibility. Okay, I know that sounds depressing on Christmas Eve, but we had a meeting yesterday that pretty much sealed what I already knew. Times are tough. It's a recession, and I need to find a new job. I've been looking, but there really aren't too many jobs out there. Especially, ones that fit my unique skill set. Instead of sulking or stressig myself out, I'll deal with this the same way I deal with just about everything. By mocking it...

The following is a tongue in cheek list of my qualifications just in case any of you wanna hire me:

I can belittle people with my above average intelligence: I may not be able to do the job the way you want me to do it, but I'll come up with a better way to do it, all the while making my peers and superiors feel stupid. At every job I've had, I've always been the go to person, even when managers and/or people that have worked at the company for 10 years are around. It gives me a dual reputation of an uppity negro and savior. Every company needs that dude you love to hate. You need that in your company? Then, hire me.

I can effectively manage all my sick and vacation time: You know those people that have 10 days of vacation left at the end of the year, or never use any of their alloted sick days? That's not me. I can guarantee you that I will schedule all my vacation in advance and that I will not work the week of Thanksgiving. You don't have to worry about scrambling trying to find days to give me off at the end of the year. Also, that pesky sick time? You wont have to worry about paying me for that (if your company does that.) I'll use it effectively throughout the year. I won't be sick, but I'll use those days anyway.

I can figure out ways to beat the system: You know how some people have problems adapting to changes? That's not me. If you change our goals, then I'll figure out a way to manipulate said goal for my benefit. Things that most people complain about, well let's just say, instead of complaining, I'm figuring out a loophole. Ask my last job. They've changed our goals 7 times in 12 months. But I've always managed to find a way to avoid the pitfalls that other employees fall in. I'm still standing!

You don't have to feed me: Office parties, potlucks, bringing donuts to the office. That can get expensive. Well, let me tell you that I won't be participating in those. That's one less greedy person that you have to spend money on. That can add up. I'm helping your company's bottom line.

Overtime? Are you serious: Yeah, I won't be doing overtime. You don't have to pay me no time and a half. I'm all about 8 hours and going home. I've had jobs previously where I worked 12 hours a day, and I'm not down for that anymore. So, yeah, don't have to worry about me taking all your loot.

I can attract work stalkers like nobody's business: You may wonder how this is a good thing. Well, you can guarantee that these work stalkers will be at work early and every day to see me. It doesn't matter if I don't pay them any attention, they'll be there. That has to be good for your productivity!

I won't ever leave: When I get a job, I'm way too lazy to find another one. I've worked a place for 5 years, one for 6 years, 2 for 2 years. I'm what you may call loyal. You don't have to worry about me running to the competition. I'm a be there until you kick me out.

Okay, that's enough being silly. Merry Christmas Eve! I'll be posting tomorrow on Christmas: 13 Things I Love About Jameil... a kind of follow up to last weeks Thursday Thirteen. If you are around, check it out. If not, Merry Christmas, and I hope you get all the presents you wanted. ONE!

Thursday Thirteen: Things I Do To Annoy Jameil

Today's T 13 is things I do to annoy Jameil. It's usually not on purpose, but sometimes it is. Also, don't be reading this and thinking that there's trouble in paradise. These are just minor things that we've noticed over the last 5 months. At least, they are minor to me. When you get done reading this one, go ahead and check out her list of what she does to annoy me. We collaborated on these the other day, and I think they are pretty funny. Let's get started.

1. Stand by car door with door open - Okay, I don't do this one anymore. But when we first started seeing each other with frequency, when I would open her car door, apparently I didn't move to my side of the car quickly enough. I would leave the door open while we finished our sentence or I would just pause long enough to make sure I didn't slam the door on any of her body parts. Sounds reasonable, right? Not to her. LOL. So, being the jerk that I am, once she brought that to my attention, I switched it up. I opened the door, closed and sprinted around the car to my side and said "Was that quick enough for you?"

2. Say "I'll call you tomorrow" - I guess its supposed to be a given that we'll talk tomorrow. When we are getting off the phone, she feels it unnecessary for me to say that. Perhaps it is, but sometimes I do.


3. Eating, or rather not eating - Sorry, babe. I have horrible eating habits. I eat once a day, and I know you thought that you could fix me, but I've been doing this for almost 20 years. Even when I do make it to 2 a days, it never lasts more than a week. I've tried to change it, but it just doesn't work. She likes to tell people that I don't eat, which is not accurate. I have gone 24 hours without eating before, but I don't think I've done that recently. Plus whenever we are together, I'm gonna eat at least twice, sometimes 3 times a day like a normal person. But when I get back home, I revert to what I know best.


4. Talk like I have a G.E.D - That's what she calls it. I call it just making fun of people around me. People in Atlanta say Collipark (College Park) and East Pernt (East Point). Rapper say funny things on these hood songs. I like to imitate them. I actually can speak the English language, but every now and then I don't and that annoys her.


5. Leave the room - I should clarify. Leaving the room without telling her where I'm going. Or if I tell her where I'm going, not having a good enough reason to leave. It's crazy. When we are at my place, if I leave the room or stop being her (as V Dizzle called me) her man pillow, Jam gets really annoyed. So what if I have clothes in the washer or if I have to see a man about a horse? I can guarantee if I move, I will hear the following phrase: "Where are you going?" Sometimes, its a question, other times its akin to a threat. Like "Nigga, did I say you could move?!?" LOL

6. YouTube rapping - As just about anybody that has talked to me can attest, I speak in lyrics. There's always a hip hop lyric that correlates to what we are discussing. For example, if someone says "They need to get it together", immediately that Jay-Z lyric from Mya's "Best of Me" song pops in my head.

Ma get it together or forget it forever
When I go at you hard I can get it through leather
You actin like Jigga can't get at whoever
Talking you got a man, okay ma, and?
That's high school making me chase you round for months
Have an affair, act like an adult for once...

Okay, so I know that's ridiculous, but then I decide I need to hear that song. And another song that reminds of that one, and then next thing you know, I'm rapping along to all of the songs from that era. Then I you tube it back a few years and listen to some obscure rap song that got played on Rap City three times, yet I know all the lyrics to. I understand that may be annoying, but do I complain when she starts singing Danity Kane or Mariah? Nope! LOL

7. Wear old fubu stuff - Even if she doesn't see it, she gets annoyed with my hoodie. And I had this old FUBU T shirt that I wore when she was here, complete with a hole from a blunt I dropped on it 10 years ago. Truth be told, I just wore it to bother her.


8. Try to manage her time - Okay, this is one that I don't do, but she thinks I do. All I do is take an interest in her school work. If there's a film or a paper due, what's wrong with me asking how far along she is? As much as I may want to manage her time, I don't actually try it. But I'm sure to hear the following phrase if I ask what time she is going to the library: "CAN I MANAGE MY OWN TIME?" I shouldn't really put a question mark on that, because it wasn't a question. It's a statement telling me to back off. I seldom do though. I just wanna know what's going on. Lord knows, that between the two of us, there is no time whatsoever being managed. I don't know which of us is the bigger procrastinator. Anyway, that sentence is sure to annoy her, if she isn't laughing too hard.

9. Not asking the question that I want to know the answer to - I call it conversation, she calls it annoying. The only way I can explain this one is to give an example:

Me: Did you go to the library today?
Her: Yes.. blah, blah, blah.
Me: Did you get a chance to read my blog today?
Her: That's what you wanted to know. How come you didn't just ask that?

See, I wanted to know that, but I also wanted to know the first part. If she didn't go to the library, then I know she didn't read my blog. I don't see anything wrong with following a line of questioning instead of just jumping right to the point. Does this make any sense? Which one of us do you think is right? LOL


10. That I have no friends - I really don't see why this one is a problem. More time for me to spend with her, right? On the real, I've become a self contained unit. I like my own company better than most people's company. Plus, I never disappoint, don't listen or make me go places I don't wanna go. It's seems like a winner to me. It really has to do with the people I've been meeting and hanging out with. They just don't share my same interests, and why should I subliminate my interests to hang out with people that care about other things. I'm perfectly fine with hanging by myself.

11. Avoidance of conflict - Me and my family don't talk about bad stuff. We just prefer to let it fade away. If something is bothering me today, it'll be gone by tomorrow. No need to have hurt feelings too. Jameil can't stand that. She feels I should slap various members of my family. Okay, I'm being bratty. She just feels that we should talk more. I understand, but what works for her fam doesn't work for my fam. It annoys her when I just let things go without talking about them.

12. Book on Tape Voice- She calls it my gay voice. LOL. It's not that at all. When I'm reading her something, which I sometimes have to do with her lack of consistent internet, I sometimes break into a very deliberate, slow paced and emoting voice. It's almost like I do characters when I'm reading. It's funny to me, not so much to her.

13. Over explain who I'm (or she is) talking about - Sometimes, I just need clarity. She knows a lot of people, and I get them confused sometimes. Like she'll mention her line sister, and I'll say Nichole? Or I'll talk about Eric and say, you know Kristie's fiance? It's just for clarity's sake. I get that I don't have that many people in my life, but she has tons of people she knows. They be getting mixed up in my head, yo! I just have to make sure we both are talking about the same person. Do I see it as being annoying? Nah, but it is what it is (that phrase could probably be # 14 if I were to keep going. LOL)

Thursday Thirteen: My $100 $150 Or Less Christmas Wish List

Since I have a killer case of the hiccups that wont allow me to sleep, I decided that I would do a Christmas Wishlist. I realized while writing this, I probably am a nightmare to shop for, cuz I never really care what I get, and I'm not good at dropping hints. It probably stems from all these years of not getting any gifts. My siblings and I don't exchange gifts, and mom and grandma usually go the gift card route. Anyway, here some of the things I would like for Christmas. All linked products are merely suggestions unless specified by name in the description.

1. Bose Computer Speakers- Most of the TV I watch is on the computer. I also watch alot of movies on Netflix Instant Viewing. I need to upgrade from these factory speakers I have.



2. GPS System - Do I need to elaborate on the many ways I get lost... even in my own city. I need this in my life.



3. A Watch - I'm tired of looking at my cell whenever I need to know what time it is. Plus, I would feel a little more like a grown up if I had a watch.



4. Car Audio - I'm always in my car. 35 minutes to work, 5hrs to Gainesville. I have an iPod adapter but it plays through the FM stations and in certain places it doesn't work. I would never buy this for myself, but it's Christmas, so someone can do it for me.



5. George Foreman 360 Grill - My old Foreman crapped out on me, probably because I submerged it in water several times trying to clean it. Glad this one has detachable grills.



6. Music Box Sets - Like Marvin Gaye , Stevie Wonder , or Al Green. Something classic.



7. Restaurant Gift Cards - Brother gotta eat, right?



8. Clothes - I didn't link cuz I don't know what I want. Plus Jameil was supposed to fix me, but it hasn't happened yet.



9. Shoes - see #8 I'll let you pick out what I should wear. Size 12 please.



10 Atari Flashback 2.0 - cuz the Wii is too expensive to put on this list.



11. External Hard Drive - gotta find a place to store all my porn mp3s. LOL



12. Cold Hard Cash - or gift cards if you think giving cash is tacky. LOL



13. Digital Camera - don't really need one, so much as I just want to get a new one. I keep seeing people with these cool cameras and I want one.

Thursday Thirteen: 13 Areas In Which Blacks and Whites Can Find Common Ground

Its been well documented (by comedians) that black people and white people are different. While on the surface, this is true, there are certain areas in which we can find common ground. Here are thirteen of those. *disclaimer* - These are in no way meant to apply to all black people and all white people. I am fully aware that people have many divergent opinions*

1. Keeping up with the Joneses - Both whites and blacks have a problem with this one. Whether its buying a house that you can't afford, or driving the newest, biggest, gas guzzlingest SUV, both groups often spend beyond their means. You don't believe me? What do you think this Fed bailout is about? People make unwise financial decisions is not exclusive to one race.

2. Smoking - You might hate white people but if you go to smoke and you don't have a lighter, you gonna ask the redneck with the confederate flag on his hat for some fire. Or you may be scared of the big imposing black man, but you'll get over that fear if it means a nicotine fix.

3. Throwbacks/Vintage - Black people call it throwbacks. White people call it vintage. But either way, its an old style and both of us like to bring back the retro vibe. Everything goes in cycles.

4. Baby Got Back - This song speaks to both black and white people. Throw it on at a function and you'll see the dance floor become integrated like Congress just passed a resolution.

5. Scantily clad women - This is one is for men, mostly. We give each other that look when one of them passes by. Race doesn't matter when it comes to perving out.

6. Drinking - You want to improve race relations in this country? Get a bottle and some shot glasses. People don't discriminate when they are drunk. White people love to buy Negros drinks and we love to accept them. LOL

7. Oprah - Just look at her audience. It's like MLK's dream up in there. Whether or not they maintain that when her show is over is irrelevant. Oprah is the poster child for inclusiveness.

8. Reality TV - We do watch different kinds of shows. They like The Bachelor and we (not me) like Flavor of Love, but the premise is pretty much the same. And I think American Idol is pretty much watched by all.

9. Weed - See drinking above. People can get high with anyone. And they like to compete to see who has the best stuff.

10. Mexicans - Or should I say not liking Mexicans. Some people think that black people can't be racist. Yeah, right!!! You should hear how some of us talk about Mexicans. It's eerily similar to the Jim Crow vibe from back in the day. Neither black people or white people want to live around them. And we both want them to speak English!

11. Sporting Events - For 3 hours on Sundays, there is no black or white. Just (insert team colors here.) We will hoot and holler and cheer with complete strangers of another race like we've been best friends for years. Just watch out in the parking lot. Old rules apply as soon as you leave the stadium.

12. The Wire - I have never seen a so called "black" show, that so many white people love. The show simultaneously appealed to both races by showing complex characters, not just racial stereotypes and the writing was top notch.

13. Barack Obama - November 4th proved this one. LOL

What's The Topic Of Tomorrows Thursday Thirteen?

Take a look at tomorrows Thursday Thirteen list and try to guess the topic. Can you tell what these things have in common? I'll be back tomorrow with the actual topic and explanations, but for now, back to work! Peace!!!

1. Keeping up with the Joneses
2. Smoking
3. Throwbacks/Vintage
4. Baby Got Back
5. Scantily clad women
6. Drinking
7. Oprah
8. Reality TV
9. Weed
10. Mexicans
11. Sporting Events
12. The Wire
13. Barack Obama

13 Odd Things I Can Do

1. I can say the most outrageous things and people will not get mad at me. Don't know why that is, but people often laugh it off instead of cursing me out. It's a gift and a curse though, cuz when I try to make people mad they don't follow suit. Or people get mad over stuff that I think is really innocuous.

2. I can identify what type of Latino or Asian someone is. I can tell the difference between Cubans, Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, and Colombians etc. I don't think Japanese people and Chinese people look alike. Same with Vietnamese and Korean. Don't go asking me about Laotians and Cambodians though. It only works with the major countries.

3. I can easily go 24 hours without eating or sleeping. Sometimes I just forget to eat. Sometimes I can stay up a full day without being tired. The flip side of that is when I do eat, I eat a whole lot and sometimes I'm almost narcoleptic like a couple of weeks ago when I was visiting Jameil. I swear I fell asleep every 20 minutes for 2 days straight.

4. I can remember minuscule details about stuff that happened weeks, months or years ago. But sometimes I forget what I was saying mid sentence. And there are entire sections of my life that I can't remember. Like college for instance. It's strange that I remember my 1st, 2nd and 3rd grade teachers names (Mrs. Polivy, Mr. Silverman, Mrs Bierman), but I can't remember some of my college professors names.

5. I find myself fully conscious during my dreams. What I mean is that I know that I'm dreaming while I'm dreaming. It still doesn't change anything that happens in the dream. Par example, I once had a dream that (that was in French with English Subtitles) about... well, it really doesn't matter what it was about. LOL. In the dream, I actually said "I'm dreaming. This isn't real." But that didn't stop it from feeling very real, even though I knew it wasn't.

6. I learn very quickly. I never study, but if I hear or read something, it will stick in my head and I'll be able to regurgitate it. I think because knowledge comes so easily for me, that I don't apply myself.

7. I can make up the harmony to songs. I can't sing a lick anymore, but I will arrange some harmony in my head. The melody? Not so much. I'm mad off key most of the time.

8. I think I mentioned this before, but I can recite all the Presidents backwards from Obama to Teddy Roosevelt. It gets a little murky in the 1800s though.

9. I can say the alphabet backwards. I read or heard somewhere that if you got pulled over for drunk driving, that was one of the sobriety tests. So, whenever I would be drinking (or smoking out) I would practice. I can do it better drunk than sober.

10. I can crack just about every bone in my body. Not so much a talent as something that freaks people out, but from my legs to my knees to most recently, my hip, I can pretty much do it on demand.

11. I have a knack for making people tell me their secrets. I think the trick is not asking, or showing any semblance of interest. That usually makes people spill the beans. I like it because I'm mad nosy, but the drawback is that I often learn stuff that I don't want to know. Or I learn stuff that I just can't keep to myself.

12. I can take a whole lot before losing my temper. Even when I do get upset, it never comes across the same way that it does with most people. I don't get violent or verbally abusive, I just say something sarcastic and then walk away. I don't wanna say that nothing bothers me, but a lot of things that would cause others to lose their religion, I can just shrug off. Maybe it's because I always expect the worst in people, so when they disappoint me, I'm not taken aback.

13. I don't have to go to the bathroom often. And no, nothing is wrong with my kidneys and yes, I do drink a ton of water. Perhaps it stems from my aversion to public restrooms, (cuz really what is more gross than doing your business with someone standing next to you) but I've trained myself to wait until I get home from work. Now, when I'm drinking, all bets are off, but otherwise, I can hold it.

The All Black Cabinet

I'm getting pretty tired of all the political talk on blogs lately. It has more to do with the fact that I already know who I'm voting for and just wish the election would hurry up. I don't really need to read anybody else's opinion on the matter. Besides pretty much everyone I read thinks the same as I do. Obama is the man, McCain is not the man, and Palin is an idiot. I don't really need to read that same post every day. Never the less, I know its important to people, so I'll just deal with it for the next 3 weeks.

That being said, today's post is about politics. LOL.

Don't worry, this ain't one of those serious posts that decry Republican attacks, or talk about how good Barack is. This is some of that good old fashioned sarcasm that you've come to expect from Rashan.

White people are funny to me. I don't if they actually believe half of the negative things they say or not, but it's ridiculous to me when they talk about how Barack is possibly anti-white, possibly Muslim (like being Muslim is a crime) or anti American. They act like he is some big time militant hell bent on destroying America. Whether you agree or not with the man's politics, it's seems pretty clear that voting for him is NOT going to bring about some revolution. But that got me to thinking... Do these people actually think that Obama will go out of his way to appoint unqualified people to his cabinet in an attempt to bring down the country just because they are Black? Which led me to come up with some totally fake cabinet appointments that made me laugh. And yes, I often laugh at my own jokes even if other people think they aren't funny. LOL

Secretary of State - Louis Farrakhan - He'll be in charge of changing America into a Black state. Plus he got something going for him if he's still alive with all the stuff he's said over the years.

Secretary of the Treasury -50 Cent. Who got more money than this guy?

Secretary of Defense - TI - You know he knows where to find the guns.

Attorney General - OJ Simpson - Don't nobody know more about the court system than this guy.

Secretary of the Interior - Little Richard. Mainly because I have no idea what this department does, but it sounds like interior design, which I think Little Richard would have a knack for.

Secretary of Agriculture - Freeway Ricky Ross. No, not the rapper, but the drug kingpin. You know this dude knows how to plan a crop and sell it.

Secretary of Commerce - George Foreman. If he can get rich of some cheap ass grills, then he definitely can get our trade going.

Secretary of Labor - Robert Johnson formerly of BET. If he can keep horrible Black comedians and horrible Black musicians working for all these years, he may just be the answer to unemployment.

Secretary of Health and Human Services - Dr Dre. Come on, he's a doctor for Pete's sake!

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development - Tiger Woods - I know what you are saying. Tiger ain't Black. LOL But follow me on this one. He got so much money and so many houses, that he could easily turn some of them into projects or subdivisions or little townships, villages or incorporated cities.

Secretary of Transportation - The dude that came up with the Expedition. Cuz niggas love big trucks. LOL

Secretary of Energy - Flavor Flav - you need energy, you call a hypeman.

Secretary of Education - KRS ONE - Who better to lead the way on education than The Teacher? Even if he sounds ridiculous and would be better served to just rap than to try to inform us.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs -Barry Bonds. Just cause white people hate him. A 20 year veteran who couldn't find a job last year. I'm sure he'll fix that when he gets this job.

Director of National Drug Control Policy - Marion Barry. Need I say more?

I know, I'm crazy. You got any to add?

Thursday Thirteen: Stalkers!!! *NOW WITH LINKS!!!*

My favorite subject. LOL. Today's Thursday Thirteen is all about my stalkers. These are people that have for one reason or another chosen to fixate on me, give me unwanted attention and generally harass me. I'm also aware that this post is on some epic Tolstoy length stuff, so get over it and get ready to laugh. Or don't. See if I care. LOL

EDIT - I finally added the links... If you read them already, just skip 'em. If not, feel free to peruse at your will. Also, something is wrong with my comments again. I have to refresh like 3 times to see them. If you don't see your comment, it probably got saved, but it's just not showing. Refresh and it should come up.

1 . Nigerian Stalker – gave her my phone number to help her with an interview. She got the job and to show her undying thanks, she decided that she would become my woman, whether I wanted it or not. She started calling incessantly, coming by my office at work, offering to take me out. (Here's a link from when it was actually happening. I had forgotten about some of this.)I got out of that situation by being a Rashan… I mean being a jerk. I was so mean to her and it was funny to me. I couldn’t be overtly hostile to her since we worked together, but I found ways to psychologically injure her. The final straw was when she got her hair cut and was so proud of it. I just looked at her with the stank face and said:” You cut your hair. Hmm.” It really did look good, but she wasn’t getting no encouragement from me. She started crying and left me alone for about 3 months.

2. Michaela – She was a friend of a friend. I knew her in high school, but I guess I didn’t become a catch to her until after I graduated. I used to give my other friend a ride home, and without fail, Michaela used to be outside her house when we got there. I was still green, so I thought it was a coincidence until one day the three of us were talking. She went on for about 5 minutes about my lips and gave me her phone number despite my protestations that I had a girlfriend. After that, she would show up at my friends crib at 8:00 every night. I wonder how long she waited out there on the days I didn’t give her a ride home.

3. Janelle – not her real name, but some people that know her may be reading this blog. Anyway, she was this real dumb girl I used to work with. Let me not call her dumb, cuz I found out that she was in a car accident and wasn’t that way before. Anyway, she used to follow me around the building all the time, despite the fact that she had a live in baby daddy and was getting steadily knocked down by this lame dude in the office. When I used to walk by her desk, she would always try to smell me. “Rashan, you smell so good. Come closer.” Then she would try to molest me. LOL. She also was found of touching my tie and gazing lovingly in my eyes as she spoke. I wrote about her on my old blog. It’s called No-Doz Girl. That was a wild story.

4. Sallie – She was a little different. She didn’t have any romantic notions about me. She just wanted my money. Well, technically it was her money since I borrowed it from her, but apparently I wasn’t coming fast enough with it. Son, when I tell you she used to track me down. I mean, from my crib, to my grandma’s crib, to the job, Sallie was always around or always calling. I eventually gave her the money so she would stop harassing me. Darn student loans. Sorry, it took so long Sallie Mae.

5. Rosilyn – When I wrote about this one before, I called her my first stalker. I now realize she wasn’t. But she definitely the creepiest at the time. I was 19 working in the kitchen area of a hospital. It started out with secret admirer notes and progressed to crappy gifts. I was flattered at first, but by the time she revealed herself I was getting really annoyed. I had a girlfriend and these anonymous letters and promises to show herself were wack. I wish she woulda stayed secret though. Ol girl was 41.. Had a daughter 2 years younger than I, and looked like Biggie Smalls. After I rebuffed her, she followed me home one day, and I used to see her driving down the cul de sac peering out the window. Creepy.

6. Raquel – this one was kinda sweet. She lived down the street from me. She was a freshman when I was a senior. She had liked-ed me in a sweet innocent type of way. The thing is she used to come to my door to hang out after school, while I was trying to watch Rap City. Or knock on my door to escort me to the bus stop. Or show up outside my classes. She wasn’t so much a stalker as had a school girl crush, but I need 13 of these things so I’m stretching. LOL

7. Colonel Whatever-his-name-was – Yeah, so in high school they made us take the ASVAB (I think that’s what it’s called) Apparently my scores were phenomenal, cuz this dude kept calling my crib trying to get me to join the army as an officer. If you knew me in high school, you know the LAST thing I was gonna do was join the military. First of all, I had issues with being told what to do. Secondly, I didn’t even say the Pledge for Pete’s sake so I’m sure not gonna go fight for America. Thirdly, I don’t know if you remember a little conflict called Operation Desert Storm? Yeah, that was around this time. So, no, I’m not going into the army. But the colonel kept calling, coming up to the school and even was waiting at the crib one Saturday afternoon, while I was out playing football with the boys. Crazy military stalker!

8. Brian – Back when I was a budding rapper (LOL!!!) I was always trying to find someone to give me some beats that I could flow to. Brian was a producer from out of Atlanta. He said he had some beats for me to rhyme to. So, I took the tape home and listened and that mess SUCKED!!! I mean, the beats all sounded like they were made on a home Casio, all generic drums and synthesized melodies. I told him it wasn’t my style and thought that was the end of it. Every week, Brian kept coming back with wack Maxell tapes of wack beats. I couldn’t escape this dude. I started varying my patterns around the school, but he always found me. I wonder where he is now. He’s probably making beats for Jim Jones or somebody.

9. Blog Stalker – Yeah, this can be one of three, so if you are one of them and you think I’m bringing up old stuff by talking about you, I’m not. I’m talking about the other one. LOL

10. Nailah – Go head Diva. Tell me told you so. A chick I knew from back in the day who tryna hard to get at me. I mean, walking around my crib buck naked trying to entice me. I wrote about it here. I had a girl. I chose my girl over her. We were friends so she didn’t get labeled as a stalker at the time. Fast forward 9 years, I see her again. We get cool for a minute, but then she tries that same old stuff. This time she was staying with me and was supposed to be in the spare bedroom. I go to turn off all the lights and stuff and next thing I know, she’s buck naked in my bed. When that didn’t work, a couple of days later she sends me text messages offering herself up and just in case I thought she was joking, she called and made it clear. I was like nope, I’m good. So then, I’m meeting Jameil. I told Nailah I was out of town with Jameil, but she kept calling and texting. One text said “Do you have a hairy back.” I was done. I was like no more nice guy for me. I’m just not gonna have any contact with her at all. So, I ignored emails, calls, texts and myspace messages for about a month and she slowed up. I just hope she don’t show up at my crib.

11. Lawrence J. Silvers – Back when I was managing at another bank, I rarely took phone calls from customers. It had to be an extenuating circumstance to get me on the phone. This guy was one of them. He had been calling and harassing my employees for 2 days over nothing. I personally thought he was just a nut who wanted someone to talk to and berate. After the 5th rep spoke to him, I told her to send me the call. I started off with my spiel like always, but this dude was not having it. I swear he kept me on the phone for an hour. An hour that I could have used to blog or do payroll whichever was more pressing at the time. Anyway, we weren’t talking about a thing, so I ended the call. He called back and someone gave him my direct number. I told him what his options were. We can talk about business or we can NOT talk. That was my show stopping line. That usually kept things moving, but not with this guy. He called me a “young aggressive arrogant punk” and vowed that he would get me fired. I wasn’t scared, but I was done talking to him. Remember when I said someone gave him my direct number? Well, one morning I checked my voicemails from home (which I often did b/c I was often not in the office when I was supposed to be) and had 17 messages from him. This cat was cursing me out, threatening me, all kinds of buffoonery. I contacted our Office of the President and told them what was up. They closed his account and told him not to call anymore, but yeah, he wasn’t hearing it. He started calling from pay phones and blocked numbers. This kept up for a good 3 months. Oh and get this… he said he was a lawyer, but he lived in various seedy hotels and picked his mail up from the post office, so nobody could trace his whereabouts.

12. The (most recent) Work Stalker – She got my number b/c a group of us were supposed to go out one day. She used it for her own personal gratification. I talked to her once and then she started calling like 3 times a day. I told her to cool out. She did. I should have seen the signs but I forgave her thinking, she doesn’t know I don’t like people calling me that much. We IM’d at work, were pretty cool at work. She invited me to her birthday party. Turned out to be just me and her. She tried to put the moves on me, which I rebuffed. (different link) She sent me an email basically fed exing the drawers to me. I posted it on my blog. She said she was 35, she was really 42. She phone stalked, IM stalked, eye stalked at work. After I called her a stalker to her face, she said that I’m not really this mean and she was gonna get to know the real me. Sorry, this is the real me. LOL Finally got rid of her by changing departments at work.

13. Veronica – No, not the blogger. You’re cool with me. But this crazy girl did and does so much crazy I don’t know where to start. Let’s see… I should start with the burying chicken bones in my yards trying to put roots on me. Or should I start at the brewing weed in my iced tea so I wouldn’t go home. Or perhaps, the telling people that I was the father of her kids that were conceived well before I met her. Or perhaps, how she threatened to beat up my girlfriend and my female friends. Or how she threatened to kill herself when I broke up with her. Or how she found my grandma’s house (she had never been there) and went looking for her there. Or how she got my mom’s phone number out my phone and called her and told her that we were getting married (she had no idea who Veronica was.) Or how she still sends me a MySpace message every month even though its clear I will not be responding to anything she has to say. Or… okay, let me stop before this post gets even longer. LOL I always tell people, if I’m inexplicably murdered or kidnapped, start with Veronica, Queen of the Stalkers!!!

Thirteen Words I Use Too Frequently

Thirteen Words I Use Too Frequently (Not to be confused with words YOU use too frequently LOL)

1. Crazy – everything is crazy. Did you see that car right there? That joint was crazy. Did you hear Andre 3000’s verse? It was crazy, yo! That dude over there talking to himself? He’s crazy! I think my overuse of the word diminishes the actually crazy things that I see all the time.

2. So – I always start my sentences with so… Par example.. So, I was drinking some Hennessy last night… Or… So, why exactly do you expect me to care? I use it on my blog all the time, but I can’t stop.

3. Jerk – most often used to describe myself. I wear it like a badge of honor. But I still use it too much.

4. Mad – Mad is my favorite qualifier. Saying it’s hot is not enough. I have to say its MAD hot. Or it Mad Sahara Desert like in here. I sometimes forget that I haven’t lived in New York in over 20 years. I need to let the slang go.

5. Dramatic – I don’t know if you know this, but I think just about everybody is dramatic. Like they get excited and emotional over things that don’t require excitement and emotions. I’m always calling somebody dramatic, thus the word is overused in my vocab.

6. Nah – I don’t say no, I say Nah. Nah, I ain’t hanging out with you. Nah, I’m not gonna call her back. Etc. Etc. Etc.

7. Uh –Huh – I don’t say yes. I say, “uh-huh” Except when I’m at work, and then it’s a conscious effort to actually say yes and stay professional.

8. Wayne – this one is not my fault. If Lil Wayne would stop making so many songs, and people would finally catch on that he’s not that good, then I would be able to stop saying “Lil Wayne Sucks!” Come on, help me out with this one please!!!

9. Yeah – I not only say this when I’m responding in the affirmative, I also say it like Blumberg in Office Space. Elongated.. Yeeeeah, I’m gonna need you not to talk to me for about 3 hours and twelve minutes.”

10. For real? – I know, technically a phrase, but I use it a lot nonetheless. It expresses my minor surprise and/or disgust with what someone just said or did. Ex. For Real? You really came to work wearing plaid pants, a striped vest and a tie with our company logo on it? (True story, btdub)

11. Nigga- I don’t really say this one out loud too much, but when I’m writing or thinking it comes out. I’m not tryna get into a debate about the N word. I’m not telling anyone else to stop using it, I’m not gonna stop using it. But I’m trying to cut down. LOL

12. Hey – I don’t really use this one too much, but I’m self conscious about it for two reasons. First, this is the most Southern thing that I say. Even though, I’m Georgia born, and Georgia bred (after age 11), when I first moved down South, people were saying “hey” instead of hello or what’s up. I prided myself on trying to be more New York than them. The second reason is that TV show “Felicity.” Yes, I watched a show about a white college girl, but I don’t wanna talk like one. I know these are ridiculous reasons, but they are honest ones.

13. Yo! – Yo to me is what MFer is to Bernie Mac. I can use it a number of different ways in the same conversation. I can use it to refer to a person. (What up, Yo!?!) I can use it to respond to someone who is trying to get my attention (Rashan? Yo? What’s Up?) I can use it to emphasize a point. (Yo, for real, I was bugging out when I seen that.) I can use it to get someone’s attention (Ay, yo!! Come here for a second!) I can use it to express shock (YOOOOOO!!! I can’t believe you sent me that video with the two girls and one cup!) The list is infinite. I still have to figure out how to use it as a verb. LOL

Thursday Thirteen: Rashan's Favorite Hip Hop Albums

I don't feel like doing a long preamble to the post. This is what it is.... My 13 Favorite Hip Hop Albums (and some extras at the end).

1. NAS - ILLMATIC
A perfect album. The beats are on point. The lyrics are amazing. It's just an enrapturing album that keeps me drawn in from the beginning to the end. It's kinda of short, but that keeps it from having a bunch of unnecessary filler tracks. I still listen to this at least once a month.

2. RAEKWON - ONLY BUILT 4 CUBAN LINX
Another perfect album. Call this one 1B. Rza's beats were top notch. The wordplay between Raekwon and Ghostface (and all the other members of WuTang to a lesser degree) seems like the most natural thing ever. It's a cinematic album. The story telling makes it seem like a movie on CD. Another at least once a month joint.






3. THE NOTORIOUS B.I.G. - READY TO DIE

I remember when I first copped this joint. I wasn't really a fan of the first single, "Juicy." I took a chance and boy was I rewarded. Biggie was the illest. I often wonder how ill he could have been if he wasn't killed. I'm pretty sure I can recite every lyric on this with or without a beat.




4. OUTKAST - AQUEMINI
I had a hard time deciding which Outkast album to put on this list. Between Aquemini and Atliens, you can't go wrong. I chose this one mostly because it has "Liberation" on it. 'Kast is so much more than just the Southern perspective, although they do that too. These brothers have something to say, even when dealing with familiar topics. Pure lyricism.

5. A TRIBE CALLED QUEST - MIDNIGHT MARAUDERS

Another hard choice for me.. I like all the Tribe albums, especially the first 3. I chose this one mostly because of where I was when it came out. I remember bumping this joint almost daily in my VW Fox while riding around Savannah State's campus. The beats are melodic and diverse. The lyrics are dopeness personified. And they just give off a vibe of being cool cats. I love Tribe. I even named my blog after one of their albums (even if it's not as good as this album.)

6. MOBB DEEP - THE INFAMOUS
This joint came out of nowhere. I don't even remember how I first heard this. It probably was from "Shook Ones." But Havoc and Prodigy were spitting that thug stuff without mercy on this album. The production was surprisingly tight especially considering how young they were when this came out. Even though I'm far from a thug, I still like to get my tough guy on and rhyme along with this joint. Don't believe me? Check out this video from a couple of years ago! (excuse the shoddy camera work I was driving. Also don't listen while at work.)




7. JAY Z -REASONABLE DOUBT

I remember being in Best Buy one day and trying to find a new cd to cop. I saw this joint and was a little torn. I had only heard one song, and though I liked it, I had recently been burned by buying an album off the strength of one song. Something told me to go for it. I took it home and gave it a quick listen and liked it. Then I listened to the lyrical ability of this cat I had never really heard of before. Sure the topics were the same, but the metaphors and similes were so much better than most. Never woulda thought he would have ever became a big star. I figured Jay would be one of those cats that I liked, but nobody else gave any shine. Glad I was wrong.

8. SNOOP DOGGY DOGG - DOGGYSTYLE
My west coast pick. This is another classic. Dre's production was crisp and Snoop's delivery was the best it's ever been. Heavy rotation for like 2 years. I'll still pull it out from time to time when I need a fix. So many classic and popular songs on this one.







9. KANYE WEST - LATE REGISTRATION

One of the newest albums on the list. I've always been a Kanye fan. Even when he was just producing. The beats he picked for this album were perfect for his flows. The lyrics were clever and the braggadocio to me hearkened back to that old school hip hop, with an updated feel.




10. LITTLE BROTHER - THE MINSTREL SHOW
"Dope beats, dope rhymes. This hip hop really ain't that hard." - That's what this album is to me. Dope beats, dope rhymes. LB is one of my favorite current groups. Phonte is one of the illest lyricists in the game now.



11. PUBLIC ENEMY - IT TAKES A NATION OF MILLIONS TO HOLD US BACK
This was Rashan X's favorite album. It was revolutionary. It was inciting. The beats were frenetic and banging. Chuck D. didn't have the best flow in the world, but it works over the frenetic and banging beats. This was the soundtrack to my discover of my racial identity. (I always knew I was black, but then I realized I was Black! capital B)




12. BOOGIE DOWN PRODUCTIONS - CRIMINAL MINDED
This was 86. It changed the whole rap game. It made rap more lyrical than it used to be. A whole lot more words and more being coherent than rap songs used to have. A little bit of everything on this one. Battle raps, gangster rap, social commentary... whatever you wanted. It was just so different than anything I had heard before.



13. PETE ROCK AND CL SMOOTH - THE MAIN INGREDIENT
I love the production on this joint. The music is very melodic, but still with the elements of hip hop: boom bap beats, scratching. And Cl was never better lyrically than on this album. I had to put this on the list because the album is just so consistent. It just flows right. You never get that track that you want to skip or that sounds out of place. One of my favorites to chill out to when I still want to listen to hip hop, but don't want cats berating me in their lyrics.

Honorable Mention:



ICE CUBE - DEATH CERTIFICATE


N.W.A. -STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON



ERIC B. AND RAKIM - PAID IN FULL




GANGSTARR - STEP IN THE ARENA



DIAMOND D. - STUNTS BLUNTS AND HIP HOP

Thursday Thirteen: Thirteen Phrases That Annoy The (expletive deleted) Outta Me

1. Heeeey, boooo! - Don't call me boo...ever. We are not on The Parkers and that elongated hey just grates on my nerves like nails on a chalkboard.

2. Grown and sexy. Nope, you mean old and loose. Or old and too big for that outfit you are wearing. Or old, loose and too big for that outfit you are wearing. Or old, loose, too big for that outfit you are wearing, and lonely and desperate for attention. I've seldom found anyone that proclaims themselves to be grown and sexy to be either grown or sexy. If you really are, you don't have to say it.

3. It ain't trickin' if you got it. Yes it is. Stop trying to justify your cake daddy tendencies by saying you got money. You still tricking. Not that there's anything wrong with that. If you gon cake, be proud of your caking abilities. Be the best trick you can be!

4. Almost exactly. It's either almost or its exactly. It can't be both. Pick one and stick with it.

5. Off the (insert thing it's off here). First off what does that even mean? I don't understand your metaphor. Why is something better if its not attached to a chain? Why is something good cuz there's no hook? What in the name of all that is holy does a meat rack have do with anything?

6. Things of that nature. Why even say that? Just tell us what those things are. Usually when I hear this, its from someone who is not prepared in a meeting or conference call and I can tell they are winging it.

7. Family values. I don't like this one cuz its usually disingenious. Usually the people saying this could care less about families unless they make over 150K and vote Republican. What about the poor people? They have family values too. They got moms. They got grandma's. They got baby mama's, cousins, adopted children, and that uncle that drinks too much and tries to start the electric slide at inopportune times. That's real family values.

8.Give 110%. Not possible. Do I need to explain math to you? You can't do more than 100%.

9. Thinking outside the box. Really? Where is this supposed box? And why does every meeting have to involve this phrase? Its mad overused. And the implications of it are basically break all the rules. How bout this? Next time I come to one of these meetings wearing a Malcolm X t-shirt holding an automatic weapon, while chanting "Kill Whitey!!!' What's the problem? I was just thinking outside the box.

10. Brangelina. Or any combination of celebrity names. Hate it with a fiery passion. At least make it make a new word if you gonna combine it. Dont be making stuff up just to try to be clever. You ain't clever.

11. Make it rain. Stop with the making it rain. Now we got people that have no business making it rain, attempting to make it rain. Stop encouraging people to be all flashy with it. Next thing you know I'm gonna hear this on Sportscenter or better yet in church. Come on y'all.. Make it rain with them tithes! Jesus is working hard out here. I can't get no tips up on the alter? BTW, I fully expect someone to comment that they've heard that in church. LOL

12 Hot mess - Or H.A.M. or Hot ghetto mess. Don't like any of those.

13. Holla at your boi. Let's just for a minute forget that spelling boy with an i is extremely gay (with the exception of Big Boi from Outkast cuz I like him) that phrase has just been overdone. I can't go a day without hearing someone say that. Whether it's on tv or in the lobby at work or on some horrible rap song, all these bois want to be holla'd at. It just gets on my nerves when I hear it. Rational? Probably not, but who says I always have to be rational?

Honorable Mention: This one used to annoy me, but for some reason I started to like it. It makes me laugh. I don't know if they say this anywhere else but in the A: Where dey do dat at? They say that when they see somebody doing something they shouldn't be doing or something that looks strange.. It's usually accompanied by a slight look of disgust, and a country accent.

What are some phrases that annoy the (expletive deleted) outta you?

Thursday Thirteen: Odd Google Searchs That Lead To My Blog

I check my sitemeter out a lot to see who is reading, and how they found my blog. Today's Thursday Thirteen consists of some of the more google and yahoo searchs that led to my blog. Feel free to search any of these and see my blog pop up in the search engine.


1. "bros before hoes poems" - I understand this one cuz i did a post about bros before hoes, but ain't no poems up on this site.

2. "should a man's cummerbund and bow tie match the ladie's dress" - Rashan's dispenses fashion advice. Instead of wearing a suit, you should rock a yellow hoodie. Be sure her dress is equally as bright so you don't outshine her.

3. "what's wrong with u why are you not meet me" - Umm, cuz I don't want to meet you. Stop trying to force me to meet you. Who are you anyway?

4. "rhymes for candlesticks" - You know I be spitting that hot fire about them candlesticks, yo! I like the way the wax feels/like it when the wax peels/you know them candlesticks be keeping stuff mad real!

5. "golden coral do you just show AARP to get discount" - LMAO! - My post about Sabre tooth tigers, the women too old to be called cougars. I cracked myself up with that one. Pretty sure I offended some elderly woman in Florida who was just trying to get a discounted buffet.

6. "i ain't seen barbie's dog head in three days" - Yeah, I don't have any idea what this one means. Not sure I want to. Sounds like a killer that chopped off a dogs head and forgot where he put it. Go away, crazy man!

7. "Call me amaretto" - Dog, I'm a grown man. I ain't calling another grown man "amaretto"

8. "I don't feel special" - Obviously, they weren't looking for my blog. I always feel special. Too much so according to some people. They be thinking I'm mad cocky or something. Not concieted, just comfortable in my own skin.

9. "don't do me like that music notes" - What did them music notes do to you? I don't know why they always be trippin' like that. I'll have a talk with them and make sure they get their act together.

10. "keisha model, pittsburgh" - this obviously had something to do with Jam. I don't ever remember mentioning Pittsburgh, although that's where my mom was born. On a side note, I'm gonna start turning my blog into a page for aspiring models. Send your pictures to visionz74@yahoo.com. I will post the best ones on my page and let people vote on them. (Don't really send your pictures, please!)

11. "don't ask me what's wrong just let me be" - What's wrong? Oh, wait, you said don't ask. Then don't be coming to my blog advertising that something's wrong with you if you don't want me to know. You are such a woman! Telling me something's wrong, but then getting mad if I ask what's up. STOP IT! YOU'RE CONFUSING ME!!!

12. "wat's Rocsi's real name" - I don't know. Rocsi, maybe? This ain't a fan site. And I'm definitely not a fan. Can we get Rachel back on BET? She was hot. Remember her? Maybe Sherri Carter? She was annoying, but better than Rocsi.

13. "girl beats off to the beautiful ones" - I saved this one for last cuz it was the craziest. I'm not really in the habit of posting masterbatory videos on my site, even if the soundtrack features my second favorite prince song. I'm sure they were in for a rude awakening when my blog came up. Probably had to pull their pants back up and put away the lotion. LOL

Thursday Thirteen: Movies I Can Watch Over (and over) Again

Today's Thursday Thirteen topic is :Movies I Can Watch Over (and over) Again. These are not necessarily my favorite movies, but ones that I will watch repeatedly. They are in no particular order, but you'll see that halfway down the list it gets all alphabetical. That's because I was looking at my Netflix 5 star movie ratings so I didn't forget anything. Turns out, I didn't need any help. I got way more than 13.

1 Pulp Fiction My favorite movie. This joint is just sick.

2. Fight Club I fought watching this for years because I wasn't interested in a movie just about dudes punching each other. The movie is so much more and has a crazy plot twist that I wont spoil in case someone hasn't seen it.

3. Friday I watched this movie so many times when I was still a weed smoker. I pretty much can recite this movie.

4. Belly The coolest looking movie ever. Hype Williams was my favorite video director and this movie is like a video turned movie.

5. Happy Gilmore Whenever I feel like a light and silly movie, this is one of my favs.

6. Scarface - I actually haven't seen it in a few years. Mostly because every Black man under the age of 43 likes this movie. LOL Still one of the classics.

7. Mo Betta Blues - Another great stylish looking movie. My favorite Spike Lee joint. It has all his trademarks in it.

8. Arsenic and Old Lace Classic comedy from the 40's I think. My favorite line. "There are thirteen bodies in the cellar" Regardless of how macabre that sounds, this is just a slapstick comedy perfectly done.

9. The 40 Year Old Virgin - I swear I saw at least 10 minutes of this movie everyday for 3 months when it was on HBO (and the litany of HBO channels)

10. The Killer - This is a cool movie. Choreographed gun fights. Slow motion shootings. Doves flying out of nowhere. Get the dubbed version for the awkward, but still somehow compelling dialogue. Also featured in one of my favorite albums: Raekwon's Only Built 4 Cuban Linx.

11. From Dusk Till Dawn - Another Tarantino joint, although he didn't direct this one, just wrote it. Good mindless entertainment with some good acting by Harvey Keitel and George Clooney.

12. Purple Rain - Prince. I don't really need to say anything else, but to see my views on this movie, check this old post from a coupla years ago

13. Fear of a Black Hat - A mockumentary about hip hop that is 1 million times funnier than CB4. Not many people I know have seen this one. Me and my brother and sister used to crack up at this one. Got it from the video store one day when nothing else was out and wound up loving this movie.

Part 2 - cuz I couldn't narrow it down to just 13. Here are 13 more movies...

14. Kill Bill - QT, again. The fight scenes are ridiculously entertaining. The story is good too.

15. The Matrix - Everybody has seen this, right? Started all kinds of trends in film making. I don't usually go for science fiction type joints, but this one got me.

16. Rocky III - Man, everytime I see this, I still root for Mr. T to beat Rocky. Me and Kareem used to crack up at this movie. My favorite quote from Mr. T: "Hey, Woman. Hey, Woman! Listen here. Since your old man ain't got no heart, maybe you like to see a real man. I bet you stay up late every night dreamin' you had a real man, don't ya? I'll tell you what. Bring your pretty little self over to my apartment tonight, and I'll show you a real man." (fast forward to 1:30)

17. Raw - Mad funny, yo! Its like 25 years old and still funnier than any other comedy movie. Plus that whole "It Wasn't Me" thing? I'm laughing just thinking about it.

18. Se7en - I love movies about serial killers. I know that sounds weird, but I do. I like to see the new ways to kill people. I have a list myself... for fiction purposes only, of course. This was one of the best. Plus the atmosphere of the movie was just dope.

19. Shaft - The original, not that Samuel Jackson remake crap. Shaft was a bad mutha...(shut yo mouth)

20 Silence of the Lambs - Classic, right here. Love the Hannibal Lecter performance and the dynamic between the lead characters. I'll watch this pretty much anytime I see it on TV.

21. South Park Bigger Longer Uncut - Hilarity personified! Its crude, profane and politically incorrect, but I kinda love this movie. Blame Canada!!!

22 Tommy Boy - Kinda like Happy Gilmore, its just a dumb, funny movie.

23. A View To A Kill - My favorite James Bond movie. I've seen them all but I think this was the first one I saw in the theaters so therefore its my favorite.

24. Foxy Brown - Blaxploitation? yep! Sexploitation? indeed! Pam Grier naked for most of the movie? I'm there! LOL

25. Amelie - A French movie about a woman who makes it her mission in life to make other people happy and then finds love herself. Its not corny as it sounds. It's quirky, strange and just heartwarming. Don't tell anybody I said that. LOL

26. Love Jones - Another movie I can probably recite. Everything about this movie I like. The music, the actors, the fact that they looked like regular old Black people that I could hang out with, even the *gasp* poetry. I do kinda hate this movie for inspiring legions of horrible wannabe spoken word artists, but taking the film on its merits, I'm still a fan.