Greasy R&B

For the youngsters reading the blog, you might not get this post, but if you are anything like me, you dig music from before you were born. Everybody that knows me knows that I'm a hip hop head. But I also dig R&B music. I don't get down too tight with these young kids that are all dancing and no singing, but give me someone who can actually sing and I'm there. I was just playing around with my ipod making a playlist and I was looking at some of the old R&B files I have on my computer. I noticed I had a lot of stuff from the 80's, when cats rocked jheri curls and looked half feminine. I call it Greasy R&B.

I started out with some Debarge. Remember them cats? They were definitely greasy. They had big hair and if you didn't look closely at the pencil thin mustaches, you couldn't really tell the men from the women. I had to put "I Like It", "All This Love" and Love Me in a Special Way" on the Greasy R&B playlist. Anyone remember when El Debarge did that song "Who's Johnny?" from that movie Short Circuit? I can't believe I used to listen to a song about a fictional robot.

I had to throw on some Ready For The World. These cats were extra greasy. They had the curl and always looked like they were sweating. They had some hits though. I added "Tonight", "Digital Display" and of course "Love You Down" I had so much more, like "Oh Sheila" and "Mary Goes Round" but I didn't want to have too much of one group on the Greasy R&B playlist. True story: In 7th grade, I played RFTW's "Long Time Coming" album every day on my walkman on the way to school. I never got tired of it.

Full Force Get Busy One Time!!! Another super greasy 80's classic group. A bunch of big tough guys that looked like they just got of jail singing love songs and wearing jackets with no shirts. The look was crazy, but the music was undeniably good. "Temporary Love Thing", "Friends B4 Lovers" and "Ain't My Type of Hype" are some of their songs I added to the Greasy List. They also produced a lot of the old hip hop and R&B joints back in the day. Like "Roxanne, Roxanne" and most of Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam's joints.

Force MD's are best known for their greasy R&B classics "Tender Love" and "Love is a House." Another true story: I used to tape songs off the radio when I was a kid. I remember I was waiting all day to get "Tender Love" on 98.7 KissFM (My New York people: Is that still a radio station?) I finally got it, and they cut off the end of the song. For some reason, I remember that made me really mad.

Kashif and Colonel Abrams - I don't have any of their music, but I remember they were really greasy and wanted to include them. I can't remember any of their songs.

Lionel Richie was the ish back in the day. I know he comes across as corny now a days, but don't tell me you weren't tryna "Dance on the Ceiling" "All Night Long." Or you know that when you saw the "Hello" video, you didn't even care that he was a creepy stalker. Remember when he won all those American Music Awards and kept yelling out "Outstanding !!" Lionel was the man with his greasy curl. True Story Part 3: In 8th grade, I was supposed to sing a duet of "Say You, Say Me" with my first girlfriend Dedra in a chorus concert. I chickened out and pretended to be sick. LOL

Kool and the Gang were not only greasy, but borderline feminine looking in the 80's. They made some good music though. "Celebration" is ubiquitous, so I stayed away from that. Instead I have "Fresh' and "Get Down On It" on the playlist. Most of their songs I like were from the 70's pre-greasy, so I left those off.

Billy Ocean was another greasy cat that I liked. "Carribean Queen", "Suddenly" and who can forget the 1980's stalker's anthem "Get out of my Dreams, Get into my Car." Have you seen this cat lately? He has long grey dreads and a beard. Looks totally different.

Prince and Mike Jax could have been on the Greasy List, but they have their own playlists. Besides, its time for me to get some sleep instead of reminiscing about old Jermaine Jackson songs and trying to remember the name of that singer that was married to Jody Watley. (Note to self: Download some of that tomorrow.) What did I miss? What other greasy singing cats should I add to my playlist? Who were you rocking to in the 80's?

Hey, Pretty Lady

Yeah, I know I owe you some resolution on yesterday's post, but I had something else on my mind. This is an imaginary conversation I had earlier today. The words are what I wanted to, but didn't have the nerve to say. The situation is all too real. I hope you enjoy it.

Hey, Pretty Lady! How are you today? Yeah? I'm good too. I just wanted to talk to you for a minute because there is something on my mind. I don't quite know how to say this, but... Bear with me for a minute. I never thought I would have the nerve to say this to you, but I've been noticing you for a while. For real, I have. The first time was probably 2 weeks ago. I remember you were wearing that short jean skirt with the low cut shirt. You were looking good that day. Oh, you're welcome. But that's not what I wanted to say. I'm sure you have guys tell you that you look good all the time. That's not what I was getting at. What I wanted you to know was that you have an air about you. You're different than most women out here. I finally figured out what it was that made me notice you.

Now before I get ahead of myself, Pretty Lady, I'm not trying to embarrass you. I see you already starting to blush. It's not about that at all. I just have to tell you what's been on my mind. I don't mean any disrespect by coming at you like this. But I think you should know, you got my nose wide open. You do, word is bond!! I really do try not to acknowledge it, however I fail miserably. The truth is whenever you are around, there's no mistaking who is the hottest woman in the room. When you are near, you make me say "DAMN!!!"

I said all that to confess something to you. I told myself that I wasn't going to sugarcoat it, just step to you real. Sigh...here it goes. Pretty Lady, you kind of stink. You smell like you just got finished running a marathon, then decided not to shower. Wait, let me finish, because I'm not saying this to be mean, but I think you should know that we can smell you. That musty odor follows you wherever you walk. At first I assumed it was the guy sitting next to you, but its not. It's you. Do you play basketball before coming to work? Maybe go to the gym? If so, you really should take bathe when you get through, because the smell is overbearing. At the very minimum, could you not stand so close to me on those "extra funky" days? It really messes with my head to see someone as pretty as you with such a malodorous stench. Well, I've probably said too much now, and you probably hate me, but I couldn't let you go out like that. Remember, just because you are a hot chick, doesn't mean you have to smell like sweat.

How To Lose Friends And Alienate People

Everybody go with me on this one. I'm writing this high on Benadryl right now, the result of me trying to actually get to sleep before 10 in the morning which hasn't happened in a few days. Also, I am newly allergic to peanut butter, but I can't break my addiction to it, so I gotta take medicine. I may just insert random utterances that have nothing at all to do with the post because that's how my brain is working right now on some stream of consciousness ish.

In my last random post I mentioned how this girl from work, although I didnt tell you she was at the job, wanted to hang out with me. Big fuckin' mistake. I shoulda stuck to my guns and just told her that I don't shit where I eat (anymore.) But instead, I acquiesed and gave her the math. This was Thursday night, when we were leaving work. Come Friday, I'm chillin at the crib playing with my nephew, whom I was watching when she called me. I answered and the first, well maybe the second thing out of her mouth was "how come you didn't call me yet?" Uh-oh, it's starting already. Anybody that knows me knows that I don't respond well to that type of tactic, but I figured she doesn't really know me, so I let it slide. We talked for about 15 minutes. It was a regular conversation, not too boring, but nothing that made me be like wow. I told her that I would call her back later, as my sister had come to get the baby. I was also going out, so I had to take a shower and get ready and stuff. This was about 7:00. By 8:00, I had 3 text messages from the girl. I didn't really know how to respond to that without being a complete and utter asshole so I just let it ride and went about my business.

Random thought: This Jill Scott CD seems kind of depressing. I'll have to listen to it a few more times, but it doesn't seem as life affirming as her other ones.

On my way to the spot (I was going to meet some friends for some drinks) I texted her back to let her know I was going to be out of pocket for a minute and I would call her on Saturday. She called me literally less than a minute after I sent the message. She asked how come I didn't invite her to come with me, followed by just kidding. But the thing is, I could tell she wasn't kidding. She meant that shit. I was starting to get that vibe. I know I just talked about wanting someone to want me, but I was wrong. Or I'm a hypocrite. Whatever! Excessive, thirsty behavior makes me shut down.

Random thought: The Falcons make me sick. How do you have the ball on the 1 yard line and not score? It's about that time to jump off the hometeam bandwagon.

And I was already thinking that it wasn't a good idea for us to talk anyway. I saw her at work again on Sunday, and in between her work inappropriate Instant Messages, and her hinting that we should go to the R. Kelly concert in November, I made up my mind. I have got to get rid of her before she becomes the latest in my list of stalkers.

Random Thought: 1: Kanye West, 2. Talib Kweli, 3. Common - We had an argument at work about whose album was better. That's my ranking.

Something had to be done. It was time for me to make her dislike me. It was time to alienate her before she got too close. And I knew just how to do it. It was time for T. Cas to come to the rescue.

Sorry, y'all. I thought I could do it, but I'm about to fall asleep mid sentence. I'll finish this up tomorrow. Please forgive me for leaving you hanging. Tomorrow's post will probably have a slightly less intoxicated feel to it. LOL Peace

Alternate Titles: Alien Nation, How To Lose A Girl In 10 Days,

You Are NOT The Father

My biggest fear in life, besides midgets and conjoined twins, is to one day have a child and then find out its not really mine. I'd like to think it couldn't happen to me, but I realize that most people cheat, so it's always a possibility. I couldn't imagine being in a position where I was unsure if my child was really mine. The reason I'm writing about this today is a conversation I was having at work yesterday. This woman is pregnant and has no idea who the father is. What's worse, is there are 3 possibilities. I'm all for free love and all but with that comes responsibility. You would think that if there are going to be multiple partners there should at least be some sort of safe sex going on. Call me old fashioned, but I think that cheating should only be done with one person at a time. How dare you cheat on the dude that you are cheating with? It's just not right.

I'm making jokes about it, but it really bothered me when she was talking about it. I don't really know her like that and she was just volunteering all her business to a bunch of strangers. It's like we were on a talk show. I was trying to stay out of the conversation, because I know my smart ass would have said something inappropriate, like "were you trying to win a Guinness World Record for Most Guys did in a 24 hour period?" But then she asked me straight up what I thought about it. I started to be diplomatic, then I thought better of it and kept it real with the woman. I told her that I thought she was being irresponsible and that as soon as the child is born she needs to have a blood test to determine paternity. (I know they have those tests you can get while the child is still in the womb, but I doubt she would pay for one of those.) I feel strongly that she shouldn't allow her boyfriend to get all attached to the child if there is a possibility its not his. Of course, she's not going to do that. Whether the child is his or not, his name will be on the birth certificate because he has no idea about her extra curricular activities.

What happens when they break up? Does she continue to have him claim a kid that may not be his? Do they go on Maury Povich and have paternity tests? I don't know what's the deal with her. Or maybe I'm just not being realistic. Maybe there are too many men out there that don't take care of their children and she feels like she needs to keep the one that will, even if its not his child. And to confess to infidelity would probably ruin their relationship, although its probably already ruined if she needs to sleep with two other dudes. I don't have the answers. What do you think? You ever known someone in that situation? What advice did you or would you give them? I know I'm looking at it from a man's perspective and I know I would be devastated if it happened to me. I'm interested to know what everyone else thinks.

Quick Question(s)

Why do people like Keyshia Cole?

Now that I have made salmon and a roast this week without a recipe, does that officially mean I can cook?

How come every time I cook, I don't eat it until the next day?

What did she mean by "maybe we should go out and have some fun?"

Is she talking sex, dating or just hanging out?

Why did I give her my number?

Why have I started and stopped 4 different posts this morning?

How come you calling this damn early in the morning? So what if I didnt go to sleep yet?

How come you won't let me beat yo baby daddy ass? The offer still stands

Why don't I have any plans yet for this weekend?

Why is everybody gonna call me at the last minute to go out?

Why am I a white girl magnet this week?

How come I listened to the radio (I forgot to charge the Ipod) for the first time in a month and they are playing the same damn songs?

How come everybody tells me their secrets and I don't reciprocate?

Why are you trying to make us drink the Kool-Aid? This is a job, not a cult.

What kind of promotion comes without a salary increase?

Why is it 9:00 AM on my day off and I still haven't been to sleep yet?

Can We Fire Him Now?

I am a lifelong New York Knicks fan. Peep the blog colors. These are the colors of the Knicks (and my college Savannah State University.) Seriously, since 1983, I've loved them. The year I fell in love with hip hop (Run-DMC's "Rockbox") is the same year I fell in love with Knicks. I remember like it was yesterday, Bernard King and the boys running over the league only to fall to the Celtics in a 7 game playoff series. I remember thinking at the time, in my 9 year old mind, next year will be our year.



Over the years, we (and I say we, cuz that's how much of a fan I am) had some close calls, but something always seemed to get in the way of our championship. Michael Fucking Jordan (I hated him until like 98) every year dunking on my boys, Reggie Fucking Miller (I still hate him to this day) scoring 8 points in 16 seconds, Patrick Ewing blowing a layup when he should have dunked it at the end of the game, Charles Smith missing like 6 shots in a row on the same possession, John Starks going 1 for 18 in game 7 of the NBA finals against Houston. We got to the finals but never won it. Through all that I was a proud Knicks fan. I could always count on them to put a competitive team on the floor and be on national TV so I could see them play. But then something strange happened. A saboteur was named President of the New York Knickerbockers. His name: Isiah Thomas.





Isiah is an NBA legend. He was a great player back in the day. I didn't like him because his team, the Pistons were a rival, but I always respected him. Even when he kissed Magic Johnson at center court, I still had respect for him. I didn't even trip when he bankrupted an entire basketball league when he was the owner of the CBA. When I heard he was gonna be running my Knicks, I was actually excited. We had been slumping for awhile and fresh blood was needed to turn things around. How wrong was I?







Instead of being a savior, Isiah has made the Knicks even less competitive. He is the king of making stupid trades, giving fat contracts to scrubs and signing too many players that play the same position. I thought after last year, I would have been rid of him, but then he named himself as the coach too. Everybody kept telling me, give him a chance. It's not his fault. Things will get better. The Knicks played pretty well for awhile. Things were starting to look up again. There was a chance I could see the Knicks in the playoffs again. Then they gave Isiah a contract extension and the Knicks immediately took the first train to Suckyville again. I knew it was gonna happen. For 3 years I've been calling for the Knicks to fire Isiah, but they didn't do it.



Fast forward to yesterday. Isiah was found liable for sexually harassing a female executive while working for the Knicks. Can you please fire him now? What has to happen before you get rid of this guy? I'll admit, I don't know if he did it or not, but can we please just use this as an excuse to get rid of Isiah? I'm tired of the Knicks sucking and not making the playoffs. I would like to see them win a championship some time before I die. I don't want to be like those Boston Red Sox fans that waited their entire lives to see them win a World Series. I would like to be able to see the Knicks on TV without buying that damn NBA Season Pass. Can they please come on free TV? That's not gonna happen until they get good again, and they wont be good again until they fire Isiah Thomas. So, please lets make that happen...expeditiously. Stop letting Isiah sabotage my team. February 29th, I will be at Phillips Arena when the Knicks come to play Atlanta. Please don't let Isiah be there. This lifelong Knicks fan's patience is running thin.

What I Wanted To Say/What I Actually Said

It's been well established that I have problems. My internal dialogue is a mess. Sometimes I say the first thing that comes to my mind, other times I say the last thing that comes to my mind, sometimes I don't say anything at all. It's all a result of my trying not to say the wrong thing. Here are some of the things I wanted to say at work followed by what I actually said.

I wanted to say... Don't you see I'm listening to music. The ear buds mean don't talk to me. In fact why would you go out of your way to talk to me, when I'm obviously not trying to carry on a conversation. Let's see how long I can ignore you before you get the fucking point.
I actually said... Were you talking to me? What's up?

I wanted to say... Son, you are new around here. Let me school you on how this works. In order to manage a team, you actually have to talk to them. You can't disappear for 4 hours and then show up like you were here the whole time and expect them to respect you. I know its your first day and you are busy, but seriously, you couldn't tell them when you would be back? They think you are just a big ass slacker. That's why they keep coming to me with every little problem, but its not my job.
I actually said... Hey, maybe when you go to these long meetings, you can send an email so the team knows when to expect you back.

I wanted to say...Why would I want to know your favorite song?
I actually said... Why would I want to know your fav... I mean, what is it?

I wanted to say...Really? You like that T. Pain song? How old are you? I'll admit his songs are catchy and grow on you, but that's your favorite song? Wait, you do know that isn't his song. He's just singing the hook. The guy rapping's name is Plies. He sucks. Have you heard the lyrics? They are pretty bad. I'm mean, he rhymed "yours" and "blow it." That doesn't rhyme... at all. I'm sorry but if that is your favorite song, we can't be friends. I thought you were cool, but now... I have to reevaluate that.
I actually said... For real? Hmm. Do you vote for it on 106 and Park with the rest of the 16 year olds? Stop hitting me. LOL

I wanted to say... God, you are so beautiful. We work together, so I don't want to date you or anything, I just think someone as beautiful as you are needs to hear it at least once a day. Please forgive me if you caught me staring, I just couldn't look away.
I actually said... Hey, how you doin'?

I wanted to say... Would you please stop looking at me like you want to eat me? I must look like on Tom and Jerry, when Tom is hungry and everything he looks at is a big ass turkey leg. I am not a turkey leg, so stop it, dammit.
I actually said... (nothing, I just kept quiet. I guess this is what you ladies feel everyday. It just made me feel dirty.)

I wanted to say... No, you are not blacker than her. You are White. You are a Caucasian, You hail from Europe. Stop talking like that. You sound about as Black as Tyra Banks with her fake ass sista girl speech. Stop trying to do the neck roll thing. Did I mention that you are White? Just talk normally. Besides, since when does being Black have anything to do with the way you talk? All you are doing is just being a parody of what you think a Black girl is supposed to sound like. Listen to your friend. She doesn't talk like that and she is an actual real life African American. You are killing me with this conversation, so please cut it out.
I actually said... Being Black has nothing to do with the way you talk. We are far more diverse than you think.

I wanted to say... Didn't you have to take an assessment of some sort before you were hired? How come you don't know how to use email? You send the email by clicking the button that says send. You can read right?
I actually said... After you finish typing, you just click this button (pointing to the screen.)

I wanted to say... Hey, Kool Aid Man!! Just shut the fuck up! I really don't wanna hear anything else you have to say unless it's "OH YEEAAAHH" followed by you busting through the wall with a pitcher of grape liquid refreshment. I get that you think you are really fresh with the all red outfit on, but seriously, you look like the Kool Aid Man. On a side note, where does one get red gators from? Let me know, cuz I would like to burn down that store so nobody ever rocks those again. I got the Zippo and I always wanted to see if I could throw it in a streak of gasoline like they do in the movies and watch something blow up.
I actually said...Wow...red gators and me without my camera.

What I Wanted To Say... Some tattoos are sexy. That one that you are showing me right now of the rose and the misspelling of the word "special"--not so much. You do realize that for eternity, you and your tattoo artist are gonna go down as the dumbest people on the face of the earth. You permanently have a misspelling affixed to your lower back. I was watching some show and they called it a tramp stamp. Now not only are people gonna think you are a tramp, they are going to think that you are a stupid tramp. Seriously, how hard is it to consult a dictionary before debasing your body? Specail, really? Do you even know its spelled wrong?
What I Actually Said... Ummm... I don't know how to tell you this, but you don't spell special like that. Maybe you already know, but yeah, that's not cool. (She actually thought I was kidding. Had to pull up a dictionary online.)

All of these scenarios actually happened. I often find myself surrounded by the weirdest people. What does that say about me? Maybe I'm the weird one.