Some say I’m negative, but they’re not positive…

What song does that title come from? I doubt any of the people in their 20’s will remember that…

Anyway, I’ve been doing some thinking. Rather, I’ve stopped blocking my thoughts as I usually do. I sometimes don’t like to face the hard truths, even though my brain knows about them. Here is the simple fact: I’ve been becoming more negative lately. I’ve always been a realist, some would say cynical. That’s not a problem for me. I think I see the world as it is, rather than with rose colored glasses. I’m not too far gone to see that although some people are messed up, other people have good, decent or altruistic motives. So, when I say I’m becoming negative, I don’t mean that.

I guess I should just say what I mean. I’ve recently realized that I am extremely proficient in identifying and talking about stuff I don’t like. People, places, things. Its far easier for me to say what’s wrong, than what’s right. I don’t want to be a complainer. I don’t like them (LOL – see I just did it again.) I need to get a positive mindstate. I looked at my draft posts over the last two week period, and 7 out of 10 aborted posts were complainey, or critical. And the thing is I wasn’t complaining about anything big. Just stuff that was getting on my nerves. Either that or I was talking about people. Why spend so much time on the negative? I don’t know, but I think I need to change that.

So starting today, I’m gonna make a conscious effort to not post about annoying people, annoying things or general annoyances unless for comedy purposes. I can’t let it go altogether. I’m gonna try to be more positive and affirm the good for awhile, rather than display the negative. Don’t worry, this isn’t gonna become one of those inspirational blogs. I still don’t like motivational writing (oops, I did it again.) But I just want to try to avoid the negative energy for the time being and see how it works. We’ll see how long I can last.

10 Things I Hate About You

Dedicated to my annoying co worker....

1. You're pretty dumb. You've been working here long enough to know the things that you ask me on a daily basis.

2. Your voice is annoying. I don't know where that accent comes from, but can you give it back?

3. MuthaFu... my name is not Rashad. It's on my name badge, its on my desk, its on my email, my instant messaging. I've told you. Not a "D", an "N".

4. You have the same conversation several times a day. I know the Lakers won. I'm not happy about it either, but it is what it is. No need to rehash it every hour.

5. You think you are an expert in sports, but as far as I can tell you've never picked a winner. Celtics, Rockets, Nuggets, Cleveland.. Its one thing to root for the team, but don't talk big about what's gonna happen, and then come up with excuses once the opposite happens.

6. You be interrupting people's conversations. Son, do you see me talking? Well, I wasn't talking to you. Wait your turn, better yet raise your hand and wait for me to call on you.

7. How old are you anyway? You look like about 60, but your wife just had a baby? And you got Rick Ross as your ringtone? I don't hate you for being old, I hate you because I can't figure out how old you are. LOL (yes, I know this one was a stretch.)

8. You be looking over my shoulder. Don't worry about what I'm doing on my computer. Don't be trying to look at my Facebook pictures. Or at the very least, at least be discreet about it.

9. You be lying. Why is you lying, yo? Whenever a celebrity is brought up, you say you know them. For real, you went to school with Gabrielle Union? For real, you homeboy is Dwight Howard's step father? For real, random NFL player used to date your sister? Stop lying!!!

10. You talk to me. While I don't mind some people talking to me, you aren't one of them. We aren't friends. I don't like you. That's why I ignore you when you speak. Or pretend to be on the phone, or elongate conversations with other people so I don't have to talk to you. It's also the reason I changed my desk at work. I don't want to hear you drone on and on about stuff I don't care about.

Thursday Thirteen: What I've Been Doing In The Week Since I've Blogged.

1. Getting a concussion. A mild one, but my head was hurting for 2 days. I got hit in the bumper on I 75. I’m cool. Thanks for your concern. LOL

2. Hanging out with Jameil. She came down Tuesday!!!

3. Watching inordinate amounts of Dexter. I got a couple of DVDs from Netflix, and then instead of waiting for the rest, I downloaded the rest of season 2 and 3. 24 episodes in a weekend.

4. Watching an inordinate amount of “Weeds.” After I got done with “Dexter”, I moved on to Weeds. Downloaded the 4th season of that.

5. Making excuses for not blogging. Honestly, I didn’t feel like it, so I didn’t do it. *Insertlameexcusehere*

6. Coming up with a plan to rule the world. Well, not exactly world domination, but I need to make moves. The writing is on the wall at work, and I need to have a plan.

7. Doing as much of nothing as possible at work. Between the slow times and the computer issues, a couple of days I shouldn’t even be there. It’s like a full time job not to go home early. (although I’m salaried, they take that time out of my check.)

8. Not calling people back, or not responding to emails. Umm, yeah, you all know that’s how I roll.

9. Making fun of people. Since it’s been so slow at work, this gives me lots of time for laughing and joking with the co workers. The more they talk, the more ammunition they give me for comedy. I wish I would have blogged about some of these situations, as they cracked me up.

10. Getting harassed by Aries. You saw the post last week from the old girl that I haven’t seen since 97. I got another facebook message from a different Aries who evidently neglects to see all the pictures of me and Jameil. Come on, Aries women, stop trying to get at me. LOL

11. Starting and stopping writing. I got drafts both in blogger and in my work email that I haven’t finished. At least when I finally decide to become a full time blogger, I won’t have far to go to find ideas.

12. Becoming more and more frustrated with the co workers incessant talk about losing weight. How many crazy diet ideas can you try, before you decide to bite the bullet and actually walk down that one flight of stairs. At the very least don’t talk loudly about your BMs and your colon cleansing. I don’t want to know about it.

13. Teased people to their faces... and they didn't catch on. We had a meeting the other day at work. This guy was supposed to be facilitating it, but knew nothing of what he spoke. After 5 minutes of silently mocking, I decided to "help" him. I turned on the overhead projector and found all the answers that he didn't know. I was mocking him, but he really, really thought I was helping him. Everybody cracked up, but at the end of the meeting, he stated "I'm going to look to you for help next meeting." Dog, you didn't even see that I was calling you dumb and undermining your authority. What a waste of sarcasm. LOL

A Late Thursday Thirteen: The Biggest Loser

So, they are doing a Biggest Loser type thing at my job where different teams get together and try to lose weight. You may be thinking, how can Rashan possibly be in opposition to that? Well, I'll tell you. While I'm all for people getting healthy, the team names some of these people are using are just ridiculous. Keep in mind this is a WORK thing... Here are thirteen of my least favorite Biggest Loser - Work Edition Names...

1. Baby Phat
2. Brick Houses
3. Bringing Sexxxy Back
4. Don't Feed The Models
5. Dyme Divas
6. Dynomite Divas
7. Divas Going To Knock Off Pounds
8. Divine Divas
   
9. Dropping It Like It's Hot
10. Keepin It Real
11. Northside Dymes
12. Poundz Krushers
13. Thick Wit It

Why everybody gotta be a diva? LOL. They sent an email to EVERYONE in the building. All departments. All department heads. All executives. Then they proceeded to talk trash to each other...copying EVERYONE on the emails. So ridiculously unprofessional. Or maybe I'm just a hater. I've been known to do that too. LOL

The Reason It Took So Long For Me To Join Facebook

Help me out with something. I need your input about something. Read the following facebook message and tell me how I should respond.

I can't believe how you have changed

May 6 at 10:59am

You have changed drastically. When you first contacted me you seemed to be enthusiastic about it. Now I ask you to call and you won't even pick up the phone. I am confused. I thought we were going to reunite and have a tight friendship again. I guess some things and some people really do change.
Please call
904-XXX XXXX

This Girl I Went To College With And Haven't Seen Since 1997

Response #1.

I'm sorry that I haven't responded immediately to your request. I thought that since I haven't seen you since college graduation, and have talked to you once in 12 years, that there was no sense of urgency. Obviously, I was mistaken. I'll be sure to contact you as soon as I wake up. Perhaps we can stay on the phone all day too. Or maybe I'll just take off of work and come to ____ and visit you. Also, thanks for reminding me that I contacted you. I was under the mistaken impression that you were the one that was looking for me for 12 years, and you were the one that found me on facebook, and that you were the one that called me 7 times in 2 days.

Response #2

Ummm... did you just send me a message about how horrible I am, and then tell me to call you? Why exactly would you want to talk to me? Why exactly would I want to talk to you if you think I'm such a cad?

Response # 3

Yeah, I changed. I hope you changed too. If you are the same person you were 12 years ago, then I think something is wrong.

Response # 4

Just so you aren't confused anymore, repeat after me: Rashan (Rashan) does NOT (does NOT) call people (call people.) If he did (If he did), you can stop repeating after me now... If he did, he would not call you. He has not talked to you in years, you and he have not been friends in years. One conversation of catching up is one conversation of catching up. It's not an invitation to be a part of Rashan's life. Facebook friends doesn't mean real life friends...

Response #5

LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU CRAZY ARIES WOMAN!!! SERIOUSLY, ARE ALL ARIES OUT OF THEIR MINDS!!!!! AND DO YOU ALL HAVE TO KNOW ME???

Response #6 (the one I'm most likely to do)

*CRICKETS*
*SILENCE*
*NO RESPONSE*

Delete message, delete as facebook friend, don't ever speak to again.

Response # 7 - A Picture is worth a thousands rejections




What do you think? Which one response should I give? Or go ahead and make one up in the comments.

Everybody's Doing It/Subconscious

Everybody's doing it:

So why shouldn't I? Seems like everywhere I look, people are slacking on the blog game. I blame facebook and twitter. It's a lot easier to just write a one sentence blurb than an entire blog post. But that's not my reason for not writing. I just didn't feel like it. I had a routine that I've fallen out of, and am trying to get back, but I won't make any promises. I haven't posted in almost a week, but to be honest I haven't even really thought about it (except when Jameil is harassing me about my lack of posting.) I was even off work today, but still found other things to occupy my time. Anyway, I guess the first step to getting back in the blog routine is to actually write something, so here goes nothing...

Subconscious

The other day at work I realized that my subconscious made me do something that my conscious mind didn't realize. I admit this to you, because I just know that none of my regular readers (except Jameil) will judge me. Here goes: I realized that when having a conversation with a gay man, of which there are plenty at my job, I go out of my way to make sure that other people know I'm not gay too. This entails a subconscious deepening of the voice, putting extra distance between us, grabbing the booty of the first female that walks by, and mentioning my girlfriend more than usual. My conscious mind doesn't care what people think of me, but subconsciously I realize that I do. That got me thinking about some other things that my subconscious makes me do. Wanna read a list? Good, cuz here is one:

Flinch: I flinch when someone touches me. It can be something as simple as tapping me on my shoulder or someone trying to hug me. I can feel myself recoiling at the prospect of unsolicited human contact.

Get Nervous When My Mom Calls: I always get shook when I see Mom Cell on my caller Id. I don't know what I expect to hear, but I always assume the worst. Like either someone died, or I forgot someones birthday, I just always get a feeling of dread.

Turn the radio/tv when I hear the name Obama: I just don't wanna hear any more criticism. I think I take it way more personally than I should. My solution is to just avoid it.

Look away: I'm a people watcher. I'm always observing some odd behavior. But when someone sees me looking, I immediately turn away. Even if my conscious mind wants them to know that I see the crazy mess they are doing, my subconscious wont let me.

Put Pen in Mouth: When I want to smoke, my pen serves as a surrogate black and mild. My addiction is pathetic, I know. Please no lectures.

Pretend to be on phone: If I'm on break and someone approaches me, I pull the phone out real quick and pretend to be on a call. Its mad obvious, and one of these days, I'm going to hurt someone's feelings, but you know what, blame it on the subconscious.

There probably are some more, but now Jameil is on the phone and we are going to watch a movie. So I'll talk to you guys later...

Lies: The Science Fair Project

I was supposed to add some details to my post about lying last week. Here is one of those stories:


When I was a kid, I was a horrible student. Don’t get me wrong, I was probably one of the smartest kids in my school, but I was lazy, disorganized, and generally determined not to do homework. My natural intelligence usually got me out of any jams, but in 7th grade, the situation came to a head. *EDIT* Now that I think about it, it may have been 8th grade. I actually might be mixing 2 stories up. Dang, I’m getting old.

It was time for the annual science fair. As always, I procrastinated. I started my project with good intentions about a month before it was due, but never quite picked it up where I left off. My project was something about determining the different kinds of metals in US Coins. I know even the topic was lazy. I could look all that up in the library. But whatever, my teacher approved it, so I was on my way. I had everything I needed: triptych, stencils – so the writing would be neat, chemistry set… All I needed was to actually do the tests, and write the report. But I didn’t… When it got time for the day of the Science Fair, I had a half finished triptych, no actual testing done and a report that consisted of 3 handwritten pages with no bibliography, no conclusions and I’m pretty sure I didn’t even put my name on it. My mom didn’t really supervise my work at that point, so I was able to get out of the house without her checking it. I carried my triptych to the bus, and took the bus ride across town to DeRenne Middle School. As I sat on the bus, I was thinking, “I can’t turn this in. It would be better to get an F for not turning it in, than for turning in a sub par product.”

But then I caught a break. My homeroom teacher told us to set up our projects in the library. The bright idea hit me then. It was a lie, not a very good one, but one that I stuck to. “I put my Science Fair project in the library. I don’t know what happened after that.” As all the other kids walked to the library, I walked the other way to the dumpster. I dumped my half finished triptych in the dumpster behind the cafeteria. I then walked nervously, yet coolly to the library to join my classmates. I was a bit of a loner, so I didn’t have to really worry about people questioning me about my project.

About a week later, the teacher returned the Science Fair projects reports to our class. Kids exclaimed as they got their A’s, some winced as they got C’s, but of course, I didn’t get a paper back.

“Mrs. Spann – I didn’t get my report back”

“Well, we need to talk about that after class. I never got a science fair project from you.”

“I put it in the library.”

“Well, I never got it. We’ll need to discuss this with your parents.”

Man, I was shook. I never had any bad parent teacher conferences. Sure, I got some poor progress reports telling my mom that I needed to do my homework, but I never showed them to her. As long as my grades were good at the end of the semester, that was all she needed to know. Now, we were gonna have to meet with Mrs Spann, and there was no way I could avoid that. I decided to do a preemptive strike when I got home. I had thought about it on the bus ride home. I needed irrefutable details. The slightest deviation from the story and the lie would fail. I practiced the perfect mix of disappointment and righteous indignation. I even planned out the sad look I was gonna throw out. I was a lying machine. I know I sound like a sociopath, and I guess I was back then. Everybody lies, but not everybody would go to the lengths that I did to avoid getting in trouble.

“Mom, they lost my science fair project. I put it in the library with the rest, and now it’s gone. Mrs. Spann says I’m gonna get a zero.”

She musta knew I was running game cuz she looked skeptical. But after giving her made up details of the project including when and where I did the tests, she started believing me. It was hard to keep up the lie, but I did it. I somehow managed to not only convince my mother, but myself that I did the project. It was almost like I was telling the truth, that’s how convincing I was. So convincing that my mom had my back and got me a do over on the project. I still didn’t put my all into it and wound up getting a C, but a C is much better than a zero. LOL

I know, lying is wrong, but it worked out this time. Go ahead and scold me for lying to my mom. I think the statute of limitations has run out sometime over the last 20 years. LOL