Music Is My Girlfriend

I can associate a song with just about every girl I dated. Whenever I hear certain songs it just makes me reminisce on the old days. The women come and go, but the music and the memories last forever.

I can take it back to the early days. Whenever I hear "Rock wit you" or "Tenderoni" by Bobby Brown, I think of my first real girlfriend Dedra. I think about how much of a lame I was back then who had no business trying to have a girlfriend that I was scared of. I think we "went together" for about a month and never even talked on the phone.

When I hear BoyzIIMen's "Uhh Ahh (the sequel)" and Shai's "Comforter" I think of the times me and Shay spent at her crib while her mama was out buying weed. You can get away with a lot of stuff when the girl's mama is high as hell all the time.

Mary J Blige and K-Ci "If Loving You Is All That I Have To Do" always reminds me of the time when D2's mother walked in on us right before it was about to go down. She came to tell us to turn down the music and that song was playing. I never did get that close to sealing the deal with her again.

I spent 3 years with Lisa in college, so I have plenty of musical memories of her. The ones that come to mind the most though are Faith and 112's albums. Many nights we stayed in that little room in her sister's house listening and being inspired by those albums. I also can't listen to Al Green without thinking of Lisa. When we finally ended our relationship, the upstairs neighbor was blasting Al Green's Greatest Hits. If our breakup was a movie, then that was the soundtrack. To this day when I hear "For The Good Times" I smile because the song just mirrored what we were going through.

Don't look so sad I know its over
But life goes on and this world keeps on turning
Let's just be glad we have this time to spend together
There is no need to watch the bridges that were burning

Lay your head on my pillow
Hold your warm and tender body close to mine
Hear the whisper of the raindrops
Blow softly against my window pain late at night

It ain't all R&B though. When I hear anything by Master P or Mystikal, I instantly think of that wild night at "The Zoo" when "Bootleg" (That was her actual nickname. I didn't give her that name) tried to rape me in the corner of the club. I need to write that story out one day, shit was straight comedy. I was drunk or high, or both and some stuff happened that I try to block out of my memory. But if I hear "Make 'Em Say Uhhhh!!!", the repressed memory just comes back.

"Jazzy Belle" reminds me of Aries Chick # 2. She was from Atlanta and was always playing the Outkast whenever I snuck in her dorm room. That and "My Boo" by Ghosttown DJ's. She was a real party girl and that was required party music back when we were kicking it.

Or when I hear "Gotcha Open (Remix) by Black Moon, I instantly think of the one that got away. Her name was Kailee and we were vibing the whole night at the Soul Kitchen, one of the few spots where they played hip hop in Savannah. I was enthralled with her because she knew the lyrics to all the East Coast hip hop songs that only I liked. Oh yeah, and she was dead fine. She wrote her number on 5 dollar bill, and I think I accidentally used it to buy a drink. You should have seen me trying to remember that number. I still remember it was 912 236 but I couldn't remember the last 4. I was sick about that for a minute. I tried everything I could to find a way to bump into her again, even hanging out with some hip hop heads from the Savannah College of Art and Design (where she went) that I couldn't stand hoping that someone knew her. I never did find her.

"We Can't Be Friends" by Deborah Cox always reminds me of my stalker chick. The times before I knew she was a stalker. That song was always on the radio when I was taking that long ass ride home from her apartment in the morning before work. I wish I would have known at the time that she was planning our wedding without my knowledge and planned to use "Happily Ever After" by Case. I can't listen to that song to this day.

The girl I lived with songs were "Fortunate" by Maxwell and "Beauty" by Dru Hill. "Fortunate" was the first time that I had ever did the corny "that's our song" thing. We were together 2 years, so we got a lot of musical memories too. Like smoking out to 8Ball and MJG's "Space Age Pimpin'" or her turning me onto Jill Scott and me turning her on to Nas and Mobb Deep and her subsequently taking all my Nas Cd's when we broke up. (What up, C! If this is one of those rare occasions that you are reading this, you know I had to put you on blast for that ish!)

I can't hear "With You" by Tony Terry without thinking of Tweety. We were so incompatible musically that this was probably the only song that both of us liked. She liked Ruben Studdard and cats like that, while I was more into the hip hop and neo soul type music. I remember we took this road trip once, and she was listening to gospel music when she drove and I was listening (or trying to) Ghostface. We couldn't agree on much of anything including music.

I got so many more musical associations, but I didn't really intend for this to be this long. It's about 7:30, and I haven't been to sleep yet, so I'm gonna just stop this. But before I go, let me ask: Is it just me that associates music with people from the past? Do you do the same things? Tell me some of your musical memories. One!

I Couldn't Be In A Cult

I couldn't be in a cult. It's just not for me. I'm sure even people in cults didn't ever think they would be in one, but I know for a fact it wouldn't work out for me. By now, you're probably wondering exactly what the hell I am talking about. It's not normal for people to just make declarations of their un-cult worthiness, but I actually have a reason for thinking about this. As you may know I am a bit of a history buff. I actually minored in history in college and often times when I can't sleep I will watch the History Channel or something like that. Well, last night, I was watching a show about the Jonestown Massacre. If you don't remember that, it was when this preacher convinced his followers to give up all their belongings and move to Guyana. And when shit went bad, he convinced them to commit a mass suicide by drinking cyanide laced Kool Aid. Over 900 people died. That's the condensed version.

Later in the day, I was talking to someone I wouldn't normally talk to, and they were talking about how Amway was a cult. It could have been a coincidence that cults came up twice in one day. But you know what they say, right? There is no such thing as coincidence, just blog topics! It made me think, how do people get caught up in a cult? I know it couldn't be me. There are just certain characteristics that I lack. I know I couldn't be in a cult and here's why.

Materialism: I'm not a very materialistic person, but damnit, I'm not giving you shit I worked for. You always read about how people give up all their worldly possessions to the cult leader. Ain't no way in hell that's happening with me. If you need to hold like $200, I got you, but you are not gonna take my ride or my computer or anything I paid for myself. That just wont work for me.

The Names: I'm not calling a grown man Daddy or High Priest, or anything other than his name. I'm a man just like you. I can see that getting me in trouble in the cult. I'll be put in cult prison for not showing the proper respect to the reincarnation of Jesus/Buddha/Dalai Lama.

Sex: I'm sorry but nobody is having sex with my wife but me. I'm not sharing her with the cult leader. And even if I wasn't married, why does the leader get all the women? I'm hating. Share some of them with ya boy, ya greedy bastard! I have needs too. After a long hard day of toiling in the hemp garden, it would be nice to come home to a woman. But, no, you get to have a harem while the rest of us just have blueballs. That's not gonna work for me. And why do cult leaders always have to have sex with underage girls? I can't hang around a bunch of sick perverted muhfuckas, its bad enough that I listen to his music.

Mind Control: Ask anybody who has ever tried to get me to change my mind, its damn near impossible. The cult's mind control tactics wouldn't work on my stubborn ass. Some stuff I just know that I know, and no amount of manipulation will convince me. I honestly can't see myself being brain washed. I'm way too cynical about everything. Case in point, you remember that email that was going around about the guy who had that elaborate proposal? I think that was made up. And no matter how many people tried to convince me it was real, I still say it was staged as a publicity stunt for the photographer. Nothing short of actually meeting that couple and getting an invitation to the wedding will convince me otherwise. So, see, there is no controlling my cynical mind.

Taking Orders: I know we all take orders in our day to day life, but there's a difference. If I don't do my job, then they can fire me, and I'll find another job. In a cult, if they tell me what to do, and I don't do it, they might kill me. I would be dead quickly, because I can't stand people telling me what to do. More than anything, that is the best way to repulse me. Maybe I have some sort of latent psychic connection with my slave ancestors, but whenever some calls themselves giving me an order, I go a little Nat Turner. That's probably why I didn't pledge a fraternity in college. I wouldn't make it through rush week with people telling me what to do.

Social Aspect: I just don't like a lot of people. I couldn't live with a bunch of people who all think the same. I would be bored out of my mind. Besides, can you really just say you want some alone time, when you are sleeping in a barn with 10 roommates and bunk beds? I have a feeling my bouts of not talking to people for weeks at a time wouldn't exactly endear me to my fellow cultists.

The Apocalypse: Cults are always talking about the end of the world. Shit, I'm trying to live for as long as I can. I can't mess with all that morbidity. I can't live my life thinking that the world is going to end at any moment. I know its in the Bible, but the limited amount of the Bible I know also says that no man knows when the end is coming. Stop trying to make Doomsday happen sooner than its supposed to.

Charisma: I know the definition of the word, but I can honestly say, I don't find people charismatic. I don't put people up on a pedestal (except Gabrielle Union, but that's a different kind of charisma.) I can't see myself following someone because of charisma. Sorry, I'm just not a follower. I think that is a prerequisite for being in a cult.

See, it just wouldn't work out for me. Maybe instead of joining a cult, I can start one. I've been told that I have a knack for making people see my point of view. People have been known to adopt my characteristics if they hang around me long enough. And I know I can make people fall in love with the idea of me. Maybe that'll be my new venture. I just have to think of a name. You wanna join my cult?

Thoughts Of An Internet Predator: A Cautionary Tale

The following comes from my overactive imagination and also real life. I think this dude I work with is an fucking pervert. Like he should be on Dateline NBC. I will of course leave out real names in case I am wrong, since I have no proof. I know the following piece maybe disturbing particularly to those of you with daughters or nieces. It's disturbing as hell to me too as Uncle to a beautiful 10 year old girl, which is why I was inspired to write about it. The following is a trip into the mind of a suspected internet predator. This is what I imagine he was thinking:

What was that I heard? You just found out that your step daughter has a MySpace page? She's how old? 12? And she's in a 2 piece bathing suit? I've got to calm down. Don't look too eager. Play it cool. Maybe I should ask what her name is. No, that would be too obvious. Maybe I'll just look over your shoulder and copy the URL. WWW.myspace.com/c^&^*. Damnit! These kids these days and their symbols. I can't see what it says. But I saw the pictures. She sure doesn't look 12. This girl looks 15 if she is a day. I hope you forget to lock your computer when you go to break. If so I'll be able to check your browsing history and find the address.

Damn, why are you making it so hard for me? I wish you would just tell me the address so I can scope it out myself. I'm sure there are plenty of vulnerable 12 year olds on the internet, but I want yours. You brought it to my attention. I can't stop now. I've got to see this at home when I can fully satisfy myself. No, don't do that!!! Don't make her delete the page. At least not before I get a chance to meet her. I already know how I'm gonna do it. These young girls are all the same. I'll use that picture of my nephew from when he was a lifeguard. Then I'll send her a friends request. It's best to take these things slow, so a few weeks later I'll strike up an IM conversation with her. I better brush up on my slang. I'm always online so I'll figure out just the right words to say to her.

Maybe I'll tell her that I am a photographer and I want to take some pictures. No, that's too cliche. Instead I'll tell her I work for a record company and I'm looking for models. That ought to do it. Everyone wants to be a star. Maybe I'll be able to lure her into a meeting. Somewhere private and secluded. Once she sees me, she'll forget all about the deception I used to get her there. She wont be able to resist me. Young boys are fine, but she'll want to be with a real man. The way she is dressed I'm sure she knows all about sex, and if not, I'll be glad to teach her. I;ll mold her into what I want her to be. She's too young to know any better. She's just starting to understand her body, and my years of experience will help her comprehend what feels right. I'm not salivating, am I?

Wait a minute. Why is Rashan looking at me like that? Does he know the secret that I am trying to hide? Is he... I think he is gonna try to cock block this. Why is he pulling you to the side? I wonder what he is saying. Does he know of my plan to sexually violate your step daughter? Is that why he is looking at me with such disdain? Surely, he wouldn't tell you that I am a perv. In fact, if he does, I'll sue him for slander. He had no way of knowing what I'm thinking. Then again maybe it's written all over my face. Maybe my lecherous smile has betrayed me. Maybe he caught me shoulder surfing. Regardless, I'm gonna find your step daughter online if its the last thing I do. He's on to me. I better just play it off.

"Hey, what is your daughter's email address? I want to send her this email I got from my church about online safety."

There ya go! I'm sure since I mentioned church, all Rashan's fears will be allayed. Also, I can use that email address to search for her profile. I bet he doesn't suspect anything anymore. I can be seen as a hero now, looking after the welfare of young nubile girls. Now that I think about it, that's probably an even better way to strike up a conversation with her. Pretend that I have her best interests at heart and then wham! I pull the okey doke on her. Besides who will they believe, a 12 year old girl with an overactive imagination or me, a 50 year well respected man?

Did I hear right? Did Rashan just ask me why I want a 12 year olds email address? Shit, I better think of an answer quick. That bastard is always sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. This isn't his kid, why does he care so much. Just let me do my thing. Yes, I do have a MySpace page and I'm always online. Shit, I shouldn't have told him that. Now he's gonna know what I do in my spare time. Nevertheless, he doesn't have the balls to come out and say what he's thinking. Oh, shit. I was wrong again. He really just asked me if I use my page to pick up young girls. I hope my "no" was convincing enough. I don't really know how to lie that well. He might have figured me out.

Back to you, don't make her delete the page. I beg of you. At least give me until the night is over to find her. Don't listen to Rashan. Nothing bad is gonna happen to her. What does he know anyway? He doesn't even have kids like you and me. Damn it, I see you are determined to make her get rid of the page. I'll have to find another way of reaching her and find a way to get that nosy ass Rashan out of the picture.

She's Strange...And I Like It

I guess I'm back to using song titles as the title to my posts... Cameo said it back in 84, and its still true today.

I met this strange girl the other day. It was a just a coincidence that we talked. I was at lunch and for some reason nobody answered my phone calls. I also forgot my ear buds so I had no music on the iPod like I usually do. Bored, I sat back on the bench, puffing my Black n Mild, when she came and sat down. I gave her the head nod acknowledging her presence. I'm a man, so of course the first thing I noticed was that she was cute, not in a hot girl in the club way, but in a subtle unassuming way. She was about my color and had long hair pulled back in a ponytail. She had silver rings on each of her fingers. One was a skull, the other was an ankh. Yeah, I know I observe too much.

She pulled out her cigarette and made a phone call while I'm sitting back trying to remember the lyrics to an old Big Daddy Kane song. That's what I do when I'm bored. I remember thinking, "when was the last time I saw a Black girl smoking Marlboros?" She finishes her call and asks me my name. I'm like "I'm Rashan and you?" She says her name is "Sanaya" and shook my hand. We make small talk about what department we each work in and how long we been working for the company. Nothing special. Everybody at my company is pretty sociable. Then her phone rang. The ring tone was Nirvana's "Come As You Are" That was strange. A Black girl with a hard rock ring tone.

When she finished her call I mentioned how I liked Nirvana and her eyes lit up. "You know Nirvana?" I'm like yeah, slightly offended that she thought I wouldn't, but then realistic that I don't give that kind of vibe. I think she sensed this and proactively said, "most people can't identify with that." We made more small talk about our tastes in music and TV and movies, then she hit me with this.

"Okay, I know I don't really know you, but I have a question for you?"
"What's up?"
"You have to answer honestly, though."
"Umm..ok. I can't promise that, but I'll do my best"
"Ok, here goes... I've been talking to you for like 5 minutes, what do you think of me?"
"Wow, I wasn't expecting that one. In what way?"
"Just generally, what is your first impression?"
" I don't know enough about you yet to have a first impression. What is the real question? It seems like this is the preface to another question. Why don't you just ask that one?"
" Do I seem like a White girl?"
" Wait, I have a first impression... you are very forward."

She laughs and says:

"Answer the question!"
" I don't know about a White girl, but you definitely have different tastes than most Black women I know."
"So, is that your politically correct way of calling me a sellout?"
"(laughs) Nah, that's not what I meant. You really just say the first thing that comes to your mind, don't you?"
" I really want to know how people perceive me."
" Well, you are a little strange. I don't mean that in a bad way, cuz I'm strange too. I guess a better word would be eccentric."
"So I'm strange and you like it?"
"Yeah, I guess so. Where is all this coming from?"
"Well, it seems that I never get approached by Black guys. Only White guys talk to me."
"Word?"
"Yeah, I thought it was because I had no booty, but I think its more than that."

I tried to see her booty, but she was sitting down. She was skinny though, so I imagined that there may be some no booty issues. I kept the overly familiar conversation going.

"Do you date Black guys?
"I try, but you guys don't like me."
"I'm sure its not that."
"Would you date me?, I'm not asking for a date, I just mean in general."

There was a noticible hesistation before I answered. Not because I was unsure of the answer, but because I didn't know how I should answer. I decided to just tell the truth.

"Yeah, I would."
"Why?"
"Are you seriously asking me to delineate the reasons I would date you?"
"Yeah, you may just be saying that to make me feel better."
"You really don't know me. I don't do the placating thing."
"I guess I'll believe you, but I haven't had a brother try to get my phone number in months."
"Well, if you want me to be extra honest, you kinda look like the type that doesn't date us. I know its a superficial judgment, but if I had to guess, that's probably why they don't approach.

She stood up and playfully hit me on my shoulder.

"GETTHEHELLOUTTAHERE! Are you serious? I come off like that?"
" I could be wrong, but that's the vibe I get."
"Now we are getting somewhere. I knew you would have the answers."
"Like I said, it was just a vibe. I was just trying to come up with a theory."
"What is it about me that says 'I like white cock'"
"You mean besides the fact that you just said 'cock' and have Nirvana as your ringtone?"
"Shut up!!! No, I mean tell me"
"I don't know. You look more punk rock than hip hop. You have your own quirky style. For example, your rings. Not too many of us are rocking a skull, or wearing black nail polish.
"Okay, I gotta go back to work, but we ARE gonna talk about this some more. Where's your desk?"
"2 nd floor to the left"
"I'm gonna find you. You are a real interesting guy, Rashan. I need to pick your brain some more."

As she left, (and yes, I did scope out the booty. It wasn't big, but it was well proportioned) I sat there thinking. "what just happened?" That was one of the strangest conversations I've had in a while. Sanaya is kinda strange... and I think I like it.

Get To Know Me

I was working on a post that I just don't have the wherewithal to finish. In the meantime, get to know me a little better. Here is a tag I stole off of somebody's page a while ago. It's long as hell, so feel free to skim it, or just come on back tomorrow. Do it if you want, although I know most people don't have the patience to read 100 questions, much less answer them. Hopefully, I'll finish the post I intended to write tomorrow..

001. When's the last time you ran? This weekend I chased my nephew around.
002. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? Nope, this ain't 1988
003. What are you dreading right now? Going back to work in 3 days
004. Do you celebrate 4/20? Are we talking about weed? If so, not since April 24, 1999
005. Do you like Mexican food? Si
006. Favorite ice cream? Breyers Vanilla
007. When was your last doctor's visit? 3 months, I think
008. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night? How bout in a week?
009. How many pets do you have? I hate animals, so none
010. "First Loves Are Never Over;" is this true for you? Nope, I'd say its pretty fuckin over
011. Think of all your exes. Would you take any of them back? Been down that route. I'm gonna have to pass
012. If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would you be wearing? T Shirt and boxers. I would probably throw on some jeans if they insisted on coming in.
013. What's your favorite shirt? I like my white Sean Jean shirt.
014. Have you ever been on your school's track team? Lets see... short fat kid and track? Not a good match
015. Do you own a pair of Converse? Never have, Never will
016. Where are you at right now? Living room
017. Do you eat raw cookie dough? On occasion
018. Have you ever kicked a vending machine? I don't kick them, but I'll put my shoulder into one if its stiffs me
019. Don't you hate when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over? Thankfully I have an iPod now, but hell yes.
020. Do you watch the news? Usually just the first 5 minutes to see who got killed and what caught on fire.
021. Do you watch Trading Spaces? Nah, I preferred While You Were Out. I mean, no, I'm a man! LOL
022. How do you eat oreos? I don't anymore. Chocolate gives me migraines, but when I did I would twist em open and eat the cream first
023. Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone? Yes, but now I don't even log in to messenger anymore.
024. Are you cocky? Well, I would have to say, sometimes, but other times I'm insecure. It's a 60-40 cocky advantage
025. Did you have an imaginary friend as a kid? Not that I can recall, but I did have a vivid imagination with my GI Joes
026. What t.v. station do you watch the most? Right now, I think ABC although most of that is on the computer
027. Have you ever seen the ocean?Yes. Used to live on the Atlantic in Savannah
028. Have you ever been hospitalized? Not since I was like 3
029. What's your favorite brand of root beer?!!! Barqs
030. Could you live without a computer? Of course, unless said computer was responsible for my life support.
031. Do you wear your shoes in the house? *Looking down* I am right now. I forgot to take them off.
032. How many TVs are in your house? 3
033. At what age did you find out that Santa wasn't real? 8 or 9, but I pretended not to know for a few years.
034. How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house? I only have a cell phone
035. What do you do when you're sad? I don't know that emotion. I'm an Icebox, baby
036. Who would you call first if you won the lottery? My sister, although she wouldn't answer the phone.
037. Last time you saw your best friend? This assumes I have a best friend and I'm not a complete anti social loner. I guess it would be Saturday
038. Do you still color in coloring books? Nah, that ain't cool for a grown man to do
039. Can you read music? I used to be able to but I haven't done it in years. I wonder if I still know how
040. Who or what sleeps with you? Me, Myself and I
041. Are you/have you ever been in love? A couple to a few times
042. Pancakes or french toast? pancakes
043. How do you like your eggs?Scrambled with cheese or omelette
044. Are you in high school? Not for 15 years
045. Is anyone on your bad side right now? He-He-He. Yep, I can hold a grudge
046. What jewelry are you wearing? I don't get my Slick Rick on. No jewelry for me
047. What's the first thing you do when you get online? Check my yahoo email
048. What kind of apples do you like? Red (whatever those are called) and Granny Smith
049. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy? Yes
050. How do most people spell your name? They don't. Most people call me Shawn mostly b/c I would rather you call me something else than misspell or mispronounce my name.
051. Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes? I'll pass on the RuPaul ish.
052. Have you ever been in a car accident? 3 I think.
053. What shampoo do you use? Suave for Men with Dandruff Control
054. Where do you work? At my job.
055. Do you feel guilty when you eat Gummi Bears/Goldfish crackers? I don't.
056. What are you doing tomorrow? Sleeping, maybe going out for lunch. Definitely not working.
057. Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson? I doubt it, nobody will do it like Mike in this digital downloading age. The days of Thriller have past us
058. Favorite name for a girl? Aaliyah or Jamilah
059. Favorite name for a boy? Khalil, although I would probably make that my sons middle name and give him a boring Anglo Saxon first name.
060. Will you keep your last name when you get married? I'm not getting married, but if by some miracle some woman decides that she can't live without me, I will of course keep my name. That's what men do.
061. Your favorite restaurant you don't get to eat much at? Pappadeaux.
062. When is the last time you left your house? Right before I started this
063. What do you drive? I drive an old lady/dope boy car. Buick LeSabre
064. Do you actually eat Easter Peeps? I don't know what this one means???
065. Can you cook? On occasion
066. How do you eat your steak? Medium to Medium Well.
067. Do you return your cart?Yes. I think its extremely lazy to just leave it in the parking lot. I mean, you did all that walking in the store, is it really gonna kill you to walk another 10 feet?
068 where you at? I already told you I'm in the living room
069. Do you have a dishwasher? yep
070. What noise do you hear? "In the Mood" by Talib Kweli. That is my shit!
071 who is deleting all the questions? Que?
072. Next concert you hope to go to? I would love to see Jill Scott or Erykah Badu. Or Prince again
073. What was the last thing you ate? leftover chicken breast from the other day
074. When was the last time you said I love you and meant it? I told my niece today.
075. Who is the youngest in your family? The youngest would be baby Justin who is 6 days old.
076. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would be most likely to over pack? Again, assuming I have friends, I have no idea. I can only road trip with a select few. People get on my nerves quickly
077. Do you know anyone with the same name as you? I don't
078. How many shoes do you own? 14 (7 pairs)
079. Do you mind flat soda? Depends on whether or not I'm really thirsty. If I am, I can drink it hot, flat or whatever.
080. When is the last time you ate peanut butter? A couple of days ago. I decided to give it up since I'm allergic to it.
081. What service is your cell phone? Sprint
082. What's for dinner? Tomorrow I am making Turkey Burgers and I got some blue cheese crumbles and mushrooms. I'm gonna try to recreate that burger I had this weekend
083. What's the last thing you purchased? 16.2 gallons of regular unleaded gas
084. Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you? My sister: yes. My brother: not so much
085. Where is your cell phone? In my pocket
086. Is your phone on vibrate or ring? Vibrate
087. What brand are your pants right now? Alfani?.
088. Ever been to Georgia? Live there, shawty.
089. Did you do breakfast this morning? I only eat once a day. That's dinner. Sometimes I have breakfast for dinner though.
090. Do you like marshmallows? I don't. They are too sweet. I used to love them
091. What irritates you most on the Internet? Know it alls who know nothing
092. What brand is your digital camera? HP
093. Do you watch movies with your parents? Nope. Most of the time when I'm around my moms, I try to avoid anything controversial, or with curse words or references to drinking.
094. Do you write poetry? I am poetry illiterate. I cannot write poetry at all
095. Is your refrigerator dirty? Surprisingly, it is not.
096. What song best describes your life right now? I can not be encapsulated by someone elses words (which means I just can't think of anything right now. LOL)
097. Do you own expensive perfume/cologne? How about the oils from the gas station for $3.99. Works just as well with the ladies. LOL
098. Are you taking college classes right now? Nope, but give me a couple months and I may be getting my masters
099. Do you have facebook? Nope
100. Do you know how to change a tire? If there's one thing in life I have become a pro at, its changing tires. I've had mad practice.
101. Do you like sushi? Sushi and cantaloupe are the 2 foods that make me gag.
102. Do you get your hair cut every month? Twice a month
103. Do you go online everyday? Yes

I Do My Dirt All By My Lonely

I do my dirt all by my lonely "Hey!" Find the phony
Past the mass, one deep, yeah the only
Do or die, with slugs for the Ruger
Rollin patrollin in a stolen black Cougar
I do my dirt all by my lonely

"Dirt All By My Lonely" Naughty By Nature 1999

Naughty by Nature told you how to do it years ago: I do my dirt all by my lonely. However grammatically incorrect that statement is, it is nevertheless good advice. Nowadays, you can't trust other people with your secrets. People will snitch on you in a minute. I'm far from a thug, but even I know you there's no honor amongst thieves and no G code anymore.

Somebody should have told Michael Vick about that. The people you think are your boys will rat you out in a minute to save their own asses. It don't matter if they getting all their money off of you. They'll runteldat to prevent their own jail time. I know he's sitting somewhere under house arrest cursing the day he decided to trust his homeboys. I bet he really expected them to take the charge for him, but we all know how that turned out. (I really hate Vick and his boys. Not so much about the dogs, but what they did to the Falcons. 1-5? Shit is just not right.)

OJ should have know better too. He knows good and damn well he's hated as much as Osama Bin Laden. What possessed him to run a caper with other people? When the shit hit the fan, his co -defendants are running to tell on him. They are gonna leave OJ holding the bag while they get a book deal about how they brought Amerikka's Most Wanted down. I mean, they have been looking for a way to bring Othello down for over a decade. It turns out his friends are gonna be the ammunition that they needed. (By the way, I always thought OJ was guilty, I just couldn't bring myself to admit it during the trial. It seemed like I would have been less Black if I admitted that.)

Britney should have thought twice before doing her dirt in front of other cats. She should have just got high and naked by herself. Doing stuff like that in front of people you are supposed to be able to trust, like her bodyguard made her lose custody of her children. You just can't let other people know about all your dirt because it will eventually come to light. (Am I the only one who thinks that child custody hearings should be private? This is gonna scar those kids when they grow up and hear about all the rancor and acrimony. And yes, I am using my SAT words)

And now, T.I. is in trouble again. How you gonna have your bodyguard buy machine guns and silencers for you? You got to know that if it comes down to him and you, he's gonna look out for himself. You gotta do your dirt all by your lonely. All trust goes out the window when you looking at fed time. All loyalty goes by the wayside when faced with the prospect of prison. I just don't know what these people are thinking sometimes. (I used to like T.I., but I think he really tries to dumb down his lyrics. I've heard some stuff where he really spits, but now its mostly just the same old gangsta, drug lyrics. It's disappointing to me, but I'm sure he cares more about his money than some dude who wouldn't buy his album anyway.)

Like I said, I know nothing of the streets, but I have done my share of dirt. One of the things I always kept in mind was to keep that shit to myself. I learned that lesson a long time ago. Everybody don't need to know what you are up to. Stop Snitchin' ain't nothing but a catchy slogan for a T-Shirt. It's easy to say that you won't do it, but when the chips fall, most people are gonna look out for number 1. I don't blame them at all for it; that's basic human nature. I do however blame these cats who get other people involved in their dirt and expect them to take the fall for them. It's just not realistic. If Sammy the Bull can rat out the Mafia, then what chance do you really think you have of maintaining loyalty? Son, do your dirt all by your lonely.

Babies, Burgers, Stalkers, Strippers, Dreams

Well, if you read the title, then you know what the post is all about. I wanted to post last Friday, so I could actually go a week straight writing in my blog, but some other stuff came up. Maybe this week, I can do it. Anyway, here is my weekend recap in true Rashan random fashion.

First of all, I'm an uncle again!!! My brother and his wife welcomed their child into the world early Friday morning. A healthy 8 lb 2 oz boy. He is too freakin cute. You know I love the kids right? He didn't open his eyes the whole time I was visiting in the hospital, but I got to hold him. Babies are amazing to me. They went home yesterday and mom and baby are doing fine. Got me thinking about my re-instituting my 90 day rule for knocking up the next woman I can put up with for 3 months. My male biological clock is ticking kinda loud right now.

I had the best burger I have ever had in my life on Saturday. Okay, maybe that's a hyperbole, but the mushroom and bleu cheese joint from Burger Joes in Decatur was ridiculous. I don't usually get excited over food, but I was just sitting there like DAMN!!! It was a good freakin' burger. Not sure why I wrote about this.

This is being my fourth time being an uncle, of course I had to go and celebrate the best way I know how: The strip club. LOL I'm kidding. I mean I did go to the strip club, but it was totally unrelated. I was bored Saturday, so I went to shoot some pool with the maybe-weds. I can't play to save my life, so I just watched and talked some shit about this and that. By 11, they were on their way home and I was not quite ready to call it a night, so I decided to hit up Pin Ups, home of the $5 dance. Here's a rhetorical question for you? Why do strippers insist on talking to me? Do I really have to hear your (often intoxicated) thoughts? Does it really matter if I'm married? Do you really have to tell me that I'm cute? I'm already paying you, save the flattery for the next man. Do I have really have to explain that the reason why I don't want you to dance for me (that horrid blond wig you are wearing)? Do I really look like an undercover cop? Okay, so that was more than one rhetorical question. I had a good time, but it really just reminded me that I'm not getting none in real life. LOL

I've become convinced that the more I'm mean to people, the more they are attracted. I don't know how to get rid of people. Even the whole honesty policy doesn't work. Whoever said that's the best policy never had to deal with a persistent suitor. When honesty didn't work, I decided to just be the biggest jerk in the world, something with which I have had practice. The one word answers, veiled insults and straight ignoring isn't working either. In fact it seems to make her want me more. In her words "you are a tough nut to crack, but I'm gonna do it." WTF? Short of pretending to be gay, I don't know how I'm gonna get rid of this one.

I've been having some really vivid and lucid dreams lately. I don't know what its about, but I actually look forward to sleeping. My R.E.M. stage has me going on some strange adventures. I can't remember them all, but in one of them I was dating Marion Jones after the steroids (except in my dream she was a disgraced swimmer instead of a disgraced track and field star.) In another one, me and Common were freedom fighters against a totalitarian government. We were being chased across the country and kept getting into adventures and free-styling along the way. In yet another, I was running from zombies who turned people into Republicans if they bit you. The zombie boss was Bill O Reilly. Shit is just weird, but I am actually looking forward to going to sleep to see what's next. I need to start writing in my dream blog again.

And that's about it. I hope everyone has a good start to your week. I'll get back with ya tomorrow. One!