Sunday, March 2, 2008

Making The Blog Pt 1

I'm gonna warn you now. This is not finished by any means. I don't have a clear idea where I'm gonna go with it, but here's the start. It's just an intro. All the exciting stuff hasn't happened yet. If you would rather read it all at one time, I'll let you know when its finished. Now that we got that warning out of the way, we don't have to make those comments about how I need to hurry up and finish it, right? LOL


Rashan: It's that time again...Everybody's talking about blog this, blog that. But you know it ain't a blog unless I'm involved. They call me R. Jizzy and this is Making The Blog!

Opening Credits:
(explosions in the background)
Montage of featured bloggers on the monitor ending with a big picture of Rashan sitting in a throne with a laptop fading out to the Making The Blog logo.

Rashan: What's up America, the UK, Morocco, Lebanon, Nepal.... Welcome to the new season of Making The Blog. You may remember we tried to do this before, but the bloggers were wack. They posted 4 times a day about nothing, they posted their wack little poetry, they let their little notoriety go to their heads. I had to send them cats on a blog hiatus and start over! THIS TIME...IT AINT A GAME!!!

Rashan (continuing): I decided to do this thing right this time. R. Jizzy is gonna personally pick the winners of this competition, along with help from my right hand woman, Jameil! She's gonna be my eyes and ears on this show. I can't forget my left hand woman...Opinionated Diva, cuz you know your boy is ambidexterous. I need people I can trust on both sides. We gonna make the best blog possible. You know how we do on Blogger! They have no idea what we have in store for them.


Camera pans to a library. The ceilings are vaulted and the atmosphere looks hazy, like a fog machine went off. The potential bloggers are standing around looking anxious.A few bloggers talk to each other, while others stand around nervously. Enter Rashan walking in slow motion with doves flying behind him like a John Woo movie. The bloggers look in awe at the spectacle.

Rashan: Welcome everybody to the latest season of Making The Blog.

(cheers and applause)

Rashan: Don't give me that weak stuff.. ARE...YOU...READY???

(louder cheers and applause)

Rashan: WHOOOO!!! (twirls around like Michael Jackson) Let's get this thing started. I'm gonna split you up into two teams. You will be in direct competition with each other. The object of the game is to make the best blog possible. And you have pass my standards. I don't wanna hear nothing about how you used to do things. We gonna do this the R. Jizzy way! Let me introduce you to your team captains... On my right, that blogger who posted for 130 days straight, also known as the blog bully, from Pittsburgh, by way of Charlotte... Jameil!

(Crowd Cheers)

Rashan: And on my left, hailing from Jersey, by way of Brooklyn...The only blogger to actually comment on every body's page, everyday, regardless of whether its a weak post, Ms. 30 comments a day herself, Opinionated Diva.

(Crowd Cheers)

Rashan: Aiight, ladies. We are here to show these cats how to blog correctly. I picked you two to lead the way, because of your consistency and the fact that you aren't afraid to speak your mind. Can I count on you to help me make the best blog possible?

Diva: I got this. My team is gonna wipe the floor with Jameil's.
Jameil: Whoa... Not so fast. We are gonna be fabulous. I don't lose.

Rashan: Aiight, that's what I'm talking about. Before we pick teams, I just want to let everybody know what's at stake. This blog thing don't stop. I'm looking for bloggers that will be prolific, original, and entertaining. I need bloggers that aren't afraid to express their opinions, whether they are popular or not. I need your personality to shine through. If you have what it takes, then maybe you can make the blog!

Cut to Confessional Cam:
Minerva: When I heard Jizzy talking about being prolific, I got a little worried. I'm real busy and I don't have time to post all the time. I hope that he will take that into account.

Caesar: I'm Mr. Personality. I got this jawn on lock. The Star...Cannon...Adonis ain't about no f*ckin games.

Resume Scene:

Rashan: Ladies, lets pick teams... Jameil you got first pick.

Jameil: I pick Stace.

Rashan: How did I know you were gonna pick Stace? You guys have your own secret language going on. Diva, your pick.

Diva: I pick Tom_Gurl.

Rashan: Are you guys just gonna pick the people you know? That's not the point of this. We supposed to be Making A Blog, not hanging out with your friends. Nah, f*ck that. It ain't going down like that. ehh ehh... I'll pick your squads for you...

(graphics appear on screen listing the respective teams)

Team Jameil:
Caesar Canon
The Goddess
Magnolia Peach
Tom Gurl
DJ Diva

Team Diva:
Second 68
So Pocahontaz
X Factor

(Cut back to Rashan)

Rashan: Aiight, everybody knows what team you are on. Take some time to get to know each other. These are the people you will be spending all your time with. These are the bloggers that you have to count on to make the best possible blog.

Cut to Confessional Cam:
Diva: I'm a little concerned about my team. We got a lot of strong personalities. A lot of people that know each other. I'm worried that they might form a clique. I'm gonna keep my eye on things to make sure they realize that I'm in control of this.

Jameil: Great! How exactly am I supposed to pull this group of bloggers into a cohesive group? Jizzy has lost his mind. And can I just talk about how wack that name is.. Jizzy? Really? You gonna call yourself Jizzy?

Rashan: I did what I did to make it a challenge. This blog thing don't come easy. If my captains have to work hard to put together a team, then the bloggers are gonna work hard too. Jizzy is all about the mind games.

Cut back to scene:

Rashan: If you gonna make my blog, I need you all to be in shape. Nah, I'm not talking about physical, I'm talking about mental. You gotta train yourself if you are gonna be able to post regularly. Blogging is about reading as much as it is writing. So here's your first assignment.

Confessional Cam:
The Goddess: We just got here and already Jizzy has us doing homework. I couldn't wait to see what the first task would be.

Cut back to scene:
Rashan: Your first assignment is to read one of my 3 part posts and come up with a 3 part post of your own. Make sure you use all the elements of a cliffhanger. Start with the introduction, follow with the drama, and then wrap it up in the conclusion. Make sure you pick the right place to stop and frustrate your readers. You have 2 hours to complete this.

(everybody stands around)

Rashan: What are you waiting on, son? Get moving. Grab your laptop and get to writing. Wackest story goes home.

Confessional Cam:

Dejanae: Way to put the pressure on. I was not prepared for this.

Monie: Those cliffhangers piss me off, but I guess I can write one if that's what it takes.

Rashan: That's what I'm talking about. I'm gonna shape and mold these bloggers into my image. That's the only way this blog is gonna be made right. This is Jizzy's blog and whether they like it or not, they are gonna do things my way.

Camera pans to the bloggers typing away on laptops. Some have a quizzical look on their faces, others look confident...

Cut to commercial...