Conversations With Aristide

So, I’m at work early today doing some training. Got an hour lunch and it’s way too early for me to eat. I decided to sit in the cafeteria and watch some CNN. One table over, Jean-Bertrand Aristide (you know, cuz he’s Haitian) is sitting there talking to everybody and anybody that is in the area. I didn’t have my ipod, but I had my phone. I call Jameil, but she didn’t answer. As a result, the following conversation ensued.

Aristide: Hey, where do you live?
Me: Huh?
Aristide: I see you driving on 285, so you must live out in Stone Mountain.
Me: Tucker (not really, but close enough)
Aristide: These f*ckers are getting on my nerves.
Me: Who?
Aristide: These bastards at (insert company I work for)
Me: Oh
Aristide: They are playing games with my salary.

Five minutes later, he is still talking about something or other about medical leave, and wrong paychecks.

Aristide: Did that ever happen to you?
Me: Did what ever happen?
Aristide: They give you wrong pay.
Me: Nah, I never had a problem.

Aristide: You know, this is first time I hear you talk. I thought you were deaf-mute.
Me: Obviously I can talk if I’m working here.
Aristide: I don’t know… Maybe you use the machine..(imitates typing) What do you call it when deaf people use phone?
Me: The TTD machine?
Aristide: Yes, the DDT machine….

Aristide: I think they soon change dress code. The women are dressing too provocatively.
Me: *laughs*
Aristide: I see this girls entire p****. (points at woman who is too close to be having this conversation)
Me: *blinks*
Aristide: I think she have, what do you call it.. toe of the camel.
Me: *cracks up* Aiight, man. I’m about to go. I’ll see ya around.
Aristide: They leave nothing to imagination.
Me: *walking away* Aiight, I’m out.
Aristide: I can see the crack of…

Man, I wish people would not talk to me.