Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Maybe I'm Selfish

This gas situation is ridiculous in Atlanta. Just about every station near me is out of gas because of Hurricane Ike. That was like 2-3 weeks ago, but we still don't have regular gas coming. I can’t tell you how disconcerting it is to ride by gas stations with no prices on the signs. That’s the universal sign for No Gas – Keep Driving. Yeah, so I was on E when I got home from work, but couldn’t find any gas nearby. As I cursed myself for driving past those neighborhoods by my job that had gas, but long lines, I decided that I would find some place early in the AM when everybody else was sleep. I checked the local news stations website and found some gas at a Quik Trip about 5 miles from me. Around 1 in the morning, I filled up with some $ 3.97 regular unleaded with no line. I was happy.

But here’s where the selfish part comes in… This would be the perfect opportunity to call in to work with no consequences. I mean, they can’t blame me if there’s no gas in the city right? I can sit at home and watch movies or play around on the internet. I could plan a long weekend out of town. I could just veg out and catch up on the sleep that I’ve been neglecting for months. I want to call work and tell them I’m not coming. I can hear it now…

“Hello, thank you for calling Massive Corporate Conglomerate”

“Yeah, this is Rashan Jamal. I’m not gonna be able to make it to work today.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Are you sick?”

“Nah, I’m a hurricane victim.”

“Hurricane? There’s no hurricane in Atlanta.”

“I’m calling in gas”

“You aren’t coming to work because you have gas? Have you taken some Maalox?”

“Nope, I don’t have gas. I’m out of gas. Can’t find any cuz of Hurricane Ike! Where’s FEMA!!!”

So why can’t I do this? This would be the week when I’m training, so I can’t stay home. I have to be there for my mentees. It feels like a waste of a fake emergency situation. Maybe, I’m selfish, but I wish I could exploit this for my own personal benefit. If I have to go to work, then I think everybody else should too.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Let's Start A Rumor...

Since I just got back into town... and I have to get up for work in less than 3 hours...and I don't have much to post about...Let's play a game.

Everybody make up an outrageous, untrue rumor and post in my comments. It can be about anybody or anything you want. The more outlandish the better. Winner recieves nothing except a bunch of laughs and chuckles. Feel free to post as many crazy rumors as you like. I'll post one later, but first must get sleep.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Barbershop Talk

Real Conversations from the Barbershop. The language is cleaned up a little bit, but you'll get the point.

Barbers on the economy

Barber #1: Man, this economy is effed up!
Barber #2: Shoot, pretty soon, we gon' be chargin' $40 for a haircut.
Barber: #1: I know. Brothas be coming through like once every 3 months. Every nigga gonna have an afro.
Barber #2: Cats gon be looking like them Rastas cuz they can't afford a cut.
Barber #1: White folks gonna be rocking the Jesus hairdo.

Barbers on gas:
Barber # 3: Ain't no gas around here nowhere.
Beautician: I was on Moreland yesterday and all the gas stations are out.
Barber #3: And when they do have gas, they put a limit on how much you can get. I was behind a lady that wanted $22, they said they couldn't give no more than $20
Beautician: $20 gonna make me come back in 3 hours. I can't get nowhere on $20.
Barber # 3: Ain't we been at war for like 10 years to get that oil? When we gonna get it?
Barber # 5: I'm saying. I'm bout to buy me some skates. You gonna see me roller skating down 285 in some lil ass shorts if these gas prices don't go down.

Barbers on Obama:
Barber #4: They sayin we ain't supposed to vote for Obama just cuz he black.
Barber #1: Sheeeeeet, that nigga better take what he can get. Why it matter why I vote for his black tail?
Barber # 3: Nah, I been listening to the dude and he makes a lotta sense.
Barber # 4: Nigga, you ain't been listening to ish. What he say?
Barber #3: (stammers)
Barber #4: You just like the rest of us. Ain't nothing wrong with voting for him cuz he black. You think them white people ain't gonna NOT vote for him cuz he black.
Barber # 1: He ain't really black. I mean he ain't all black. His mom was from Hawaii. She one of them Somalians.
Barber # 3: What?
Barber 1: Somalians. You know them big Hawaiian lookin' mugs.
Barber 4: You mean Samoans! Dag, you dumb homey!

Barbers on McCain/Palin
Barber 1: How you feelin' man?
Customer: Aww, man. I'm feeling good. You see McCain trying to get out of the debate? He scared, dawg. I heard he gonna drop out the race.
Barber #2: Oh for real?
Customer: I mean, not really, but he might as well. Don't nobody wanna vote for a dude who got Alltimer's Disease and a chick that went to 5 different colleges.
Barber #2: Man, I went to 5 different colleges.
Barber #3: And you still ain't graduated yet.
Barber #1: And I sure don't want you dumb ass being assistant president.
Customer: McCain know he ain't got nothin on Barack. That's why he trying to punk out of the 'bate. He can't 'bate Barack. You ain't gonna outtalk no nigga...

Barbers on Weed:
Barber # 6: I ain't even got no cigarette money. Them things is expensive.
Barber # 5: That's why I quit smoking. If I'm a spend $5 on something, I'm a need to get high or something.
Barber #6: Yeah, cigarettes don't do nothing for you. That weed though???
Barber #5: I smoked some purp last night that had me knowing everything. I mean, I coulda been on Jeopardy or some ish.
Beautician: I backslid last week and hit a swisher. It had my mind open.
Barber #5: Don't fall for that! It's a trick. You start out with an open mind, next thing you know you leaving your customers under the dryer while you go get high.
Barber #6: Yeah, but it's good for you.
Barber #5: Sheeeiiitt, it ain't good for you. It's good to you. But that ish ain't medicine!

Barbers on Women:
Barber #1: (tapping me on my shoulder): Hey, man look at that!
Me: Huh?
Barber #1: Shawty bowlegged as hell.
Barber #2: Hey, sweet thing. Thanks for coming in the shop today. You sure brightened it up.
Woman: Thanks!
(she leaves)
Barber #2: That b*tch think she look good. I ain't have the heart to tell her she looked like Dennis Rodman in the face.
Barber #1: Her body bangin' though.
Barber #2: I'd hit it, as long as it's dark. But can't be no moonlight peeking in through the windows. I bet her shadow ugly as hell too.

Barbers on "It Ain't Trickin' If You Got It"
Barber #3: I'm bout to buy Tasha them J's.
Beautician: You bout to buy her some bootleg Jordan's?
Barber #3: It ain't trickin if you got it. I ain't got it, so she get the bootleg joints.

Barbers on Barack pt 2
Barber # 4: Man, Barack is cool and all, but he look like that lame we all went to high school with.
Barber # 2: He was that dude that passed all his tests.
Barber #1: That's what you supposed to do. That's why he bout to be president and you in here cutting hair.
Barber #2: Nigga, you cuttin' hair too.
Barber #1: I'm saying though, don't knock the brotha for being smart.
Barber #2: (turns to 10 year old sitting in his chair) Stay in school, little man!

Barbers on Fashion:
Barber #6: Tell me that cat don't have on no hoodie!
Barber #5: Where!!!! It's like 85 degrees.
Barber # 6: Right there in front of the shop! AYYY, DAWG! TAKE OFF THAT HOODIE!!! YOU LOOK SILLY AS HELL!!!

Barbers on Police:
Siren Sounds:
Barber #3: You mugs got quiet as hell!
Barber #4: I'm saying you know at least half of these cats in here got warrants or weed. Or warrants and weed!
Barber #3: Shoot, the tv even got quiet for a minute. Jerry Springer didn't even wanna say nothing for a minute!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

What Up Cuz? What Up Blood?

Sunday, I went to my cousin’s house. She has lived about 20 minutes away for the last few years, but this is the first time I’ve been there. I’ve seen her in Savannah, but never since she moved to Atlanta. I was taking my sister by so she could buy a car from her. You remember, her joint got stolen from in front of my crib. Anyway, I have only 3 first cousins, and I hardly know or see them. In fact I can count on one hand, how many times I’ve seen them in the last 11 years. Once at my college graduation/mom’s wedding way back in 1997. Once at my brother’s wedding. Once at one of my cousin’s Steve's wedding. And then in June for my mom’s 60th birthday party. And this isn’t like I’m seeing all of them at one time. It’s usually just one or maybe 2 at a time. Growing up we had our family functions and summer vacations together. We were pretty close, as close as you can be when you live in different states. But around adolescence stuff started to change.

We just were, and I guess are, different types of people. I played football, they played soccer. I liked-ed Lisa Turtle on “Saved By The Bell”, they were Zack or Kelly fans. I rocked out to Public Enemy, them Pearl Jam (although I did like them too, its just a metaphor). They lived in a big house in Virginia, and we stayed with Grandma in a normal sized 3 bedroom house. It isn’t that I don’t like them, it’s just that I don’t know really know them or what they are about. I hear people who have great relationships with their cousins and wonder what that’s like. I guess it’s not too late to get to know them, but you know how I am. I can only make a minimal effort, especially if they aren’t making one either. I don’t know what the point of this was, just thinking out loud I guess. It’s pretty sad when my cousin’s children don’t know who I am.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

The People's Court

This message is for "Frustrated Blog Reader" (frustratedblogreader@lycos.com) ... or whatever your real name is. This post is for you. You inspired it. You feel better now that you've sent that email and gotten all that off your chest? You feel better now that you took the time to try to tell me what's wrong with my blog? You think that by sending me an anonymous email, you are going to make me do what you want me to do? Let's get one thing straight: I'm Rashan!!! I write what I want, when I want, how I want. I don't do what you want me to... Except this once. This post is for you. Hope you don't embarrass easily, but if so, you kinda brought it on yourself. I hope in reading this post you see how utterly ridiculous you are. And no, I don't care if you EVER come back to read my blog after this. Prepare to get ethered!!! But take pride in the fact that you have just inspired another moment of lunacy from Rashan Jamal.


The People's Court

"Everybody's talking about the honorable Marilyn Milian, the hottest judge on television. Real cases, real litigants. Here, in our forum: The People's Court."

Introducing the plaintiff: Anonymous Lurker… 30 years old from Washington, D.C. She claims that the defendant led her on with promises of great and consistent blogging, but hasn’t delivered. She’s suing the defendant for damages and 5 blog posts a week.

Introducing the defendant: Rashan Jamal…33 years old from Atlanta , Georgia . He claims that he can blog whenever he feels like it. There was no contract with the plaintiff and that she should get a life. He’s counter suing her for being a punk and sending him unsolicited emails.

Judge Marilyn Mirian: Welcome to the People’s Court. Today’s case is set in the wonderful world of blogging. Let’s start with the plaintiff… Ms. Lurker, please state your case.

Rashan: Objection, Your Honor!

Judge Marilyn: The plaintiff hasn’t even said anything yet. What could you possibly be objecting to?

Rashan: Why she get to go first? What’s up with that? Besides, I don’t even know this chick. How she gonna be anonymous like that?

Judge: She goes first because I said so. And I’ll thank you to stay quiet until its your turn.

Rashan: My bad, Judge Judy. Go head, Lurker!

Ms. Lurker: Well, Your Honor. I’m suing Rashan because he be frontin’. He get me all excited for a blog post, then I click on his page and he ain’t even update.

Rashan: That’s a lie, your honor.

Judge: Mr. Jamal. You need to be quiet until it’s your turn.

Rashan: But I’m saying, Judge Mablean.. that ain’t even the real. I posted like 4 times last week.

Judge: Do I need to get the bailiff to restrain you? Continue, Ms. Lurker.

Ms. Lurker: As I was saying… I don’t appreciate his lack of posting. He don’t even respond to his comments no mo’. Its unconscionable.

Judge: So are you saying that Mr. Jamal has been derelict in his duties?

Ms. Lurker: You got it, your honor! He been slacking on his blogging. I don’t know what is wrong with him but he owes me. He owes me blog posts. How am I supposed to get through work without him posting? And sometimes, he even be posting like at 5 PM. My workday is over. He needs to get back to having his posts ready when I get to work.

Rashan: Judge Hatchett, Can I say something?

Judge: That’s not my name, but go ahead.

Rashan: Well, see it’s like this, Judge Cristina… I don’t even know this lady. And she gonna send me an email telling me that I don’t post enough. Can you at least comment once before you take such liberties? And who is this anyway? An anonymous email? That’s a punk move if I ever saw one.

Judge: Are you saying that you do in fact post enough?

Rashan: Word up, Judge Alex!!!

Judge: That’s not even a woman!!!

Rashan: My bad, you know I don’t be watching these wack court shows like that. I can’t even believe y’all got me in this courtroom. I believe I was promised some chicken wings in exchange for appearing on this show???? Hint Hint!!!

Judge: Lets get back to the case. Ms. Lurker, did you have a contract with the defendant that stated he would post 5 times a week?

Ms. Lurker: Well, your honor…

Rashan: That means no!!!

Ms Lurker: Whatever, Rashan… You need to shut up and let me speak.

Rashan: Word? You just gonna let her talk to me like that, Judge Rachel?

Judge: Ms Lurker, Direct your response to me. And Mr. Jamal, you are about 2 seconds from being in contempt!

Rashan: You do realize this ain’t no real courtroom, right? This is a tv set, dawg! You ain’t got no real power. And where’s my teriyaki wings, yo! You know I only eat once a day. It's about that time,

Ms. Lurker: I’m saying, your honor. I don’t have it on paper, but there was implied consent on his blog. If you look at the post dated 11/30, he clearly stated that he would post everyday.

Rashan: A brotha can’t change his mind? What’s the deal? And plus, I didn’t put any numbers on my posting. I think I post enough anyway. It’s not like I’m getting paid for this. You wanna pay me, I’ll post everyday, including Jewish Holidays. What you think this is?

Ms. Lurker: Blogger is free!

Rashan: But my time isn’t. In the immortal words of that dude from Jay-Z’s first album.. Beep you, pay me!


Rashan: I’m saying??? I’m out of order? You’re out of order! This whole damn court is out of order!!!

Judge: Bailiff.. restrain Mr. Jamal!

Rashan: Son, for real.. touch me and we gonna see the inside of a real courtroom, not this soundstage!!! You don’t know me like that, son.. I’m crazy! Have your read my blog? Did you know I have a list of ways to kill someone? It’s all theoretical now, but don’t test me…

Bailiff: You know, Judge Marilyn.. he’s right. I’m gonna just sit back and watch.

Ms. Lurker: What about me? Rashan has breached his contract with his readers. I need remediation!

Rashan: Remediate these! Don’t you ever in your life send me another email like that. I’ll post when I want to post. I’ll misspell whatever word I misspell. This is my blog! You think you can do better, then how about you get your own blog instead of hassling me about mine.

Ms. Lurker: Well, I never…

Rashan: Yeah, you never… you never commented. You never wrote a post, You never introduced yourself. You don’t have the right to say nothing to me.

Ms. Lurker: Wha—

Rashan: Objection, Judge Wapner!!!

Judge: I give up. I find for the plaintiff. Rashan, you are hereby ordered to post more often. In addition, you have to respond to your comments in a timely manner and be more interesting.

Rashan: Ordered? Word? I don’t do what I’m supposed to do. I’m a rebel, son! Black Power!!!

Judge: You will do what you were ordered to do. Otherwise, I’ll place you in contempt!

Rashan: Old fake judge and her toy cop! You ain’t gonna do nothing to me. What’s the worse that can happen? This old lurker stops coming to my blog? I’m all for that! Go away if you don’t like it. "I don’t need you, let welfare feed you."

Judge: Did you just recite a lyric in my courtroom?

Rashan: Sure did! That’s what I do. I bet you can’t identify it!

Bailiff: Jay Z “Stick to the Script”

Rashan: Aiight, brother. There maybe some hope for you yet. Now if you could just lay off the make up and stop showing out for the Man!!!

Bailiff: Word Up!!!

Ms. Lurker: I’m not coming back to your stupid little blog anymore. I'll just go read Raw Dawg's blog. He appreciates his readers.

Rashan: You’ll be back. They always come back. I'm sure I’ll be seeing your IP address on my site meter quite frequently, reading this post over and over again. How does it feel to inspire such madness?

Ms. Lurker: (blushing) I kind of like it. You so clever.

Judge: Hello, I’m the judge! Both of you need to listen to me.

Rashan: I'm done, son! I'm not gonna sit here and be berated by some old lurking ass lurker and some fake judge.

Judge: Get Out Of My Courtroom!!!

Rashan: Aiight, I'm outta here. But I'm finna take you to Judge Joe Brown. I still ain't get them waings you promised me. I'm suing for breach of contract!!!

(Theme Music Plays)

Yes, I know I took this to the extreme. And no, I'm not mad. I just think it's ridiculous for anyone to try to tell me what to do on my blog. Who does she think she is? Better yet, who does she think I am? Doesn't everybody realize how much of a jerk I can be? LOL


Sunday, September 21, 2008 3:27 AM
"Frustrated Blogreader"
Add sender to Contacts

Hi, you don't know me, but I've been reading your blogs for a couple of years. I have to say that lately you haven't been delivering like you used to. I don't know if you heart isnt in it anymore, but I don't like your blog like i used to. I only tell you this because I want to give you a chance to to keep me as a reader. Rashan, I think you need to post more often. I used to be able to look forward to reading you blogs every morning at work, but now you only post sporadically. Sometimes you don't even post until I'm already gone from work. You need to post more consistently if your want to keep your readers. I'm sure you noticed that you don't get as many comments as you used to. Mabye if you kept a schedule or managed your time better, people would read more. Also, you ! dont seem to Be trying to entertain us. You used to talk about all kinds of interesting things, now you only bitch about work. Nobody wants to read about that. You supposed to entertain us, but you not doing that. Well, sometimes, but not all the time. You act like you don't appreciate your readers. Without us, you are nothing. I hope you will think about this and start to blog better like you used to when you first started on your other blog. I want to keep reading, but if you don't get it together, I'll just have to find new people to read. Thanks for reading this email.

---A Frustrated Blog Reader

Thursday, September 18, 2008

13 Things I Did Instead Of Doing A Thursday Thirteen Post

I did a bunch last night and this afternoon, but I didn't do a blog post. This is what I did instead. LOL

13 Things I Did Instead Of Doing A Thursday Thirteen Post.

1. Talked to Jameil. You can blame her. It’s her fault for keeping me on the phone.

2. Watched Fringe on my computer. It’s this pretty cool sci fi show by the creator of one of my other favorite sows. Lost. It’s like the X Files with all the creepy stuff, but not with aliens so far.

3. Ate some frozen French fries that were good even without putting salt on them. I cooked them first, they weren’t frozen when I ate them. LOL

4. Cleaned out my car. With all the traveling I’ve been doing, I’ve just been throwing stuff all over the place. I had mad empty water bottles and gum wrappers all over the place. I just felt like cleaning it up last night, so I did.

5. Watched the end of Hollywood Shuffle. I got from netflix to bring with me to Florida, since Jameil had never seen it, but it didn’t come in time for the trip. That movie is just as funny today as it was 20 years ago.

6. Did some downloading. I was trying to find some stuff on Limewire that took forever and a day. Usually I like Comcast cuz it was fast, but not last night. LOL

7. Slept. I was sleep by 3 last night. That rarely happens. Usually I’m up til sunrise or thereabouts. It caught up with me last night though. I fell asleep on my loveseat, which incidentally is still serving as my computer chair. I know I know I should have a new chair by now, but I’m used to it now.

8. Added and removed some music from the iPod. IN: Jeezy, New Edition, Parliament, BoyzIIMen OUT: Ghostface, Isleys, WuTang, and Estelle

9. Went to work. Oh work, why must I do you?

10. Fell asleep in the shower. I was still tired after my 8 hours of sleep, so I let the hot water run over my head until it my alarm on my phone started blaring.

11. Read some blogs, but didn’t comment. At least I don’t think I did. I’ll do that at lunch today.

12. Thought about ironing, but then found a shirt that was in the dark recesses of my closet that didn’t need to be ironed and wore that even though I haven’t worn it in about 2 years and it is waaaaayyy too big for me. I’ll just be sloppy today. Or not really sloppy, but baggy. LOL

13. Thought about several Thursday Thirteen topics that I either didn’t have the energy, the wherewithal, the inclination, the intestinal fortitude, the chutzpah, the patience, the…( okay, I ran out) to complete. I’m such a bad blogger. LOL

Fascinating...isn't it. LOL

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Rest In Peace (edit)

I can’t believe she’s gone. I mean, she was way too young to die. Why do the good ones always die young? I’m really at a loss for words. I don’t know what to say. This is just bugged out. I mean I didn’t even know she was sick. In fact we just were hanging out last night. She didn’t even tell me she was on the verge of death. I’m just so shocked right now. And sad. Is this what grief feels like? I don’t like it…one bit. Right now, I’m at work trying to function but my thoughts are with her. I may need to go home. I can’t show weakness in front of the coworkers. But I just want to cry. If anybody asks, I’ll tell them my eyes are watering because of my allergies, but on the real, I’m about 2 minutes away from letting the tears flow. It’s a tragedy that she died so young. I just got to know her and now she’s gone…

IPod Nano 9/7/2007 – 9/17/2008.

You will be missed…


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Isn't It Ironic, Don't Cha Think?

You know how I think I'm smarter than everyone else? Maybe you didn't know that, but I do. It's not because I'm cocky. I mean, I am, but that's not why I think I'm smarter. On a side note, even my girlfriend thought I was obnoxious when she first started reading my blog. But anyway, back to the point. I think I'm smarter than everyone else because of the preponderance of evidence that proves it. Work yesterday provided more fuel to that fire...

So, I'm walking in the office actually on time for once and I see there's a table by the front door filled with cookies, cakes, brownies and other confectionery goodies. I see a sign explaining what it's for....

Bake Sale For The American Diabetes Association

I'll let that sink in....



Now, I know all of my readers are much smarter than the people I work with. You immediately got the irony of that sign, right? If not, just nod your head and pretend. I wont tell anyone that you are dumber than a box of rocks didn't get it. A bake sale??? To benefit diabetes research??? I'm no scientist, but I'm pretty sure that diabetics aren't exactly clamoring for sugar products. I found it funny. I pointed it out to one of the managers. She failed to find the humor in it. Not that she didn't think it was funny, she just didn't get it. She gave me the blank face followed by the blink blink look. I was like, never mind don't even worry about it you big dummy.

But on the real, I shouldn't really complain about my job. At least they are trying to be charitable. In fact, later this week they are having a fish fry to support the Georgia Aquarium. Ribs for Ramadan is sure to be a big hit in the office. And I can't wait until the wine auction to support Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm so glad that I work for company that believes in giving back. LOL

Monday, September 15, 2008

Rashan's Uncomfortable Interaction Of The Week

Okay, this is getting to be a regular occurrence and I wish it would stop... The Date: Saturday 9/13. The time: around 2:00 AM. The place: Pilot Gas Station in Tifton Georgia.

I'm on my way down to Florida for the weekend. I already got gas before the prices shot up to $5. That's a whole nother post. I actually saw gas for $5 Friday night. Crazy! Anyway, I'm mad thirsty so I pull off on an exit that has light and looks like it would be free of the Klan. I go inside to get me a soda and a honey bun. As I'm wandering the aisles (cuz that's just what I do) I see these two young ladies doing the same. One of them speaks, so I return the pleasantries. One of them looks like a regular old female. She had a scarf over her permed hair, some jeans and an entirely too small t-shirt. But that's neither here nor there. The other one was wearing one of those women's wife beaters and some green soccer type shorts. She had some Poetic Justice type braids on and she looked kinda familiar. About a minute later as I'm picking up my caffeine free root beer, it hits me. This chick looks like Miss J from Top Model. It wasn't a very pretty sight.

Okay, so I go to the register and I get there at the same time as the two young ladies. I let them go in front of me. Miss J says to me..

"Ooooh, you such a gentleman."

It's at this moment that I realize that this is not a woman at all. IT'S A MAN!!! So, I'm trying to hide my shock, cuz my face shows everything. I'm staring down at my shoes as to not make eye contact. They are, however, taking forever at the register. This other guy comes into the gas station. Apparently he was waiting for his friends in the car.

"What is taking you bytches so long?"

Yep, he was sugary sweet too. The Twan twins start cackling and Small T Shirt is just standing there looking embarrassed.

"This guy behind us let us go in front of him. Ain't he a gentleman?" That was Miss J.

"Oooh, how sweet." This was the guy in the car. He continued. "You going to the club?"

"Nah" I said tersely as to not encourage any further conversation.

"You should come to the club with us. Our homegirl need a boyfriend."

"Nah, I'm good" I pull out my phone and pretend to take a call.

"You guys are so embarrassing!" Small T shirt says and then turns to me. "I'm sorry, I can't take them nowhere."

"Whatever, bytch. We trying to find you a man."

I heard Car guy say this as I got out of the line and pretended to get some potato chips. They left, so I went back to the cashier and paid for my stuff and left. Why do people insist on talking to me?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Thursday Thirteen: 13 Deaths That Have Affected Me

So, it's 9/11 again and everybody will be reminiscing at the massive loss of life that occurred that day. It's a sad occasion and it got me to thinking about other deaths that have affected me. Maybe its a little morbid, but death is a part of life, right? Here are 13 more deaths that have affected me personally...

1. Donny Hathaway - January 13, 1979 - I remember being a child of 4 or 5 and my parents were really sad when he died. I can't remember all the details, but I do remember that I liked his music at a young age. It was mystifying to me that a man would actually kill himself. I didn't know much about death, but I do remember wondering what he was thinking as he fell out that window.

2. The Space Shuttle Challenger January 28, 1986 - I remember this damn day like it was yesterday. It was 3 days before I moved from New York to Savannah. We were watching this in the audio visual room at Elmwood Elementary School. It was a special launch, because there was a teacher going into space for the first time. When the shuttle exploded, man there were no words. Just gasps and tears and disbelief. I remember watching over and over just hoping in vain that there was some way those astronauts could have survived.

3. Huey Newton - August 22, 1989 - This one affected me because I was just learning all about Huey. It started with those "Eyes On The Prize" documentaries and moved on to researching the Black Panther Party. I was an idealistic youngster at the time. I thought that if you were down for the struggle once, you were always down for the struggle. It was the circumstances of his death that affected me the most. It was portrayed as a drug deal gone wrong. I didn't know what to believe. On one hand, my idealism led me to think it was a CIA setup, but the realist lurking in me led me to think that a once great man had fallen. I think this was an important step in the development of my thinking and realizing that people can't be put on a pedestal, but ideas never die.

4. Peter Jones - Sometime in 1990 or 1991- This kid I went to high school with. I didn't really know him but he was playing with a gun with his homeboys and shot himself in the head. This one really affected me for two reasons: 1. He was the first cat around my age I knew that had died and 2. I dreamed about it happening the night before it happened. I wrote about it awhile back when no one was reading. This is when I stopped sleeping. I know, you don't believe me, but I promise that I had details about the shooting that there is no way I could have known.

5. Aaliyah - August 25th, 2001. I loved me some Aaliyah. I mean, I had her first CD with R. Kelly production, the second one with the Missy and Timberland production. She was just dope. And then she was promoting her new album and I was watching all the interviews and she just seemed like such a genuinely good person. I know people say that about the dead all the time, but that was the vibe I got. Anyway, I remember the day it happened. I heard it on the radio, but I had no details or anything. It wasn't really real until later that day. My homeboy Damian came over the crib. We were watching college football or something and I turned to MTV and saw the story.

6. Len Bias - June 19, 1986 - Len Bias was a basketball player that just got drafted by the Boston Celtics. He was nasty in college at the University of Maryland. He supposedly died from cocaine like 2 or 3 days after getting drafted. That shook me. I didn't know that athletes could take drugs and still function. I don't know if he was an addict or anything, but it just shook my whole perception of who took drugs. Previously, I thought it was that cat on the street that Nancy Reagan warned us about, not a regular guy. Call me naive, but I was just 11 at the time.

7. That dude that died at Sam Bower's Nightclub - July 4th, 1994. - I wrote about this one here... In addition to almost getting shot myself for being in a club I had no business being in, this was the first time I had seen someone get shot. I didn't see him take his last breath, cuz we were running, but I saw him get shot. The memory of that, as well as the bullet that breezed right by head and lodged in brick wall had me contemplative for awhile. Definitely more careful about where I hung out and with who. What you know about them mean streets of Savannah?

8. Marvin Gaye - April 1st 1984 - For real, when I heard about this on the radio, I thought it was a cruel April's Fool Joke. I was just getting into Marvin Gaye as a result of his performance at the 1983 NBA All Star game. I rummaged through my father's vinyl listening to all I could from him. And then when I heard he was dead, I couldn't believe it. At the hands of his own father no less. It was too much for my 9 year old mind to take. I understand it a lot better now, but at the time I was shocked.

9. Hurricane Katrina -August 29, 2005- I don't really need to go any further about this one. We all still remember and feel this one.

10. John Lennon - December 8, 1980 - I had no idea who John Lennon was, but the thing I remember most was the reactions when it was announced. I was at a theater. They were doing Grease. At the intermission, they announced that he was dead and you can not fathom the tears that were shed in that auditorium. All of us kids were looking like what's going on? The parents who I assume grew up on the Beatles music were all torn up. If I was one of those talking heads on a documentary I would say "it was an organic manifestation of grief. People clung to perfect strangers in an attempt to forge a connection. One rooted in our society's collective sadness." But I'm not, I was just a kid wondering why the grownups had lost their minds.

11. Shawonda - IDK 1980??? - Okay, this one I don't even know if it actually happened. I've been known to have false memories. There are certain things that I remember that when I asked my mother about it, she insists didn't happen. This may be one of those, but it affected me whether it was real or fake. There are 2 possible stories... Shawonda was riding on the school bus and had her head out of the window. She hit her head against a passing tree and was killed. In various versions of the story, she was decapitated, but I don't remember that part. The other story was that she dropped her lunch box under a parked bus. When she went to retrieve it, the bus pulled off and ran her over. This is the one that I think happened. If I recall correctly, I saw it, but that could be a repressed or false memory. Also, I may be confusing 2 different stories. Regardless, it affected me by making me extra careful on the school bus.

12. Notorious B.I.G. - March 9th, 1997 - I can't imagine that its been 11 years since he died. I was sitting at home playing video games when my sister called me and told me the news. I quickly turned to MTV and they were showing a special report. BIG was one of my favorite rappers, and was about to release a new album. It affected me in a way that Tupac's death didn't. Partially because I was not a Pac fan, but also b/c Pac's death took 7 days and I had time to process it. It was just such a shock that another talented, young Black man's promise was snuffed out by a gun.

13. My Father - January 1995 - I've told the story many times, but never as well as this one, so I'm not gonna even try. You can read that one if you need further explanation.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Aaayyy Shawty, She's Independent, Ain't That Right Luda?


That is quickly becoming the most annoying sound in the world to me. You may not be familiar with it, or you just maybe paid attention to it. But in every other rap and R&B song out now, there’s some dude or dudes in the background yelling “Aaaayyy” Let me see how I can explain it in words… You know that Usher song Love in the club, in the chorus while he’s crooning about getting it in in a public place, his boys are saying “Aaayyy

“I Wanna Make Love In This Club (aaayyy) In This Club (aayyy)”

Next time you listen to the radio, check it out. You gonna hear this aaayyy in way too many songs. The Dream, Jeezy, Young Berg, LL, and countless others. I was listening to my co workers horrible music all day yesterday, and I heard it in like 4 songs in a row.


Its bad enough when I hear this around the A or rather around DeKalb County, cuz I don’t be going out in the A anymore. But now it’s everywhere. It used to just be Atlanta cats, now its rappers from wherever, or even worse singers. And I’m not talking just hood singers like T Pain and them, but established R&B cats are calling women, “shawty” in their songs. I don’t know much about picking up women, but from what I read, they don’t like being called names like “shawty” or “lil mama” or “ hey you with the big booty and the overbite!” LOL

She’s Independent...

How many independent woman anthems are there gonna be? I mean, it’s one thing if they are coming from women, but men singing about this are simply pandering. Yes, Ne-Yo, I’m talking about you. Besides, all these faux empowerment songs are not really about independent women, they are about rich women. Last time I checked, you don’t have to be a boss to be independent. You don’t have to be balling out of control in order to handle your business. Some real independent women are just normal women that have to struggle, that don’t know how they are gonna pay their bills, but still do. Also, how independent do you think that these women are gonna feel when you are actually just still using them as sex objects, albeit sex object you don’t have to spend money on? Okay, I’m probably thinking too much about this one, but that’s what I do!

Ain’t that right, Luda, Wayne, Pain, Ross and Tip…

The south is taking over. They been done took over. And yes I’m aware that is not correct English. But really, do they have to be on every song? Can you make an R&B track without one of the aforementioned cats rhyming on it or a rap track without them guest starring on it? I just don’t wanna hear Wayne’s greatest hits back to back with only an interruption for some Rick Ross or Luda. And then when they get up on the posse cuts… I’m like oh no.. all of them on the same track? Please just slow down on it. I get bored easily, especially when you are talking about the same things in the same way with sometimes the same lyrics. Perhaps, that’s just me.

I don't think all this music is bad. I just get annoyed quickly with the lack of originality and repetitiveness. Also, I don't seek out these songs. I only hear them at work or if I forget my ipod. It's a long drive to work without any distraction, even if it is wack or cliched music that's distracting me.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Au Hasard

I figured if I said it in French, it would be more palatable than the english translation... but it's not. This is just another random post.

Will someone please stop giving Nicolas Cage movie scripts? He hasn't been in anything good in the last ten years. (I haven't seen National Treasure, so I might be overlooking that one) Plus the whole quirky, weird guy act wore thin years ago. He be making some bad movies.

ATLANTA FALCONS!!! First place, baby!!! I figured I better type that before they go on a 7 game losing streak. Might be my only chance to gloat this year!!!

Five hours and 14 minutes. That's how long it takes to get to Gainesville. I've done it 3 times already and possibly will be doing it again next weekend. I don't speed, but around the 4 hour mark, I have to watch the speedometer to make sure I'm not getting a lead foot.

Uncomfortable Interaction of the Weekend: In a gas station just across the Georgia side of the GA/FL border on I 75. Random Trucker: I have to ask you something. Me: (Blank look.) Random Trucker: Are you wearing shoulder pads or are those your real shoulders? Me: Huh? Random Trucker: It's just your shoulders are so broad. You look very formidable. Like you should be playing professional football. Me: Umm..Okay. (praying that this methed out cashier hurries up and takes my money). Random Trucker: You look really powerful. Me: Thanks, I guess.

I know Freedom of Speech is guaranteed by the Constitution, but the founding fathers obviously never knew about talk radio. I'm just saying, there's no way that some of these people should be allowed to express an opinion on anything, much less the Presidential election.

Speaking of which, I usually can just ignore rhetoric from the other politcal party. I usually can respect that they actually beleive what they are saying. Palin is testing that outlook. I just want to put her on Maury so she can do one of those lie detector joints. When you said that you have more experience that Obama, the lie detector determined that was a lie!!! Then maybe she can run crying off the stage like they do on those "I had sex with 39 people, which one is the baby daddy?" shows. For real, I usually don't get worked up about politics, but this one is getting me.

I need a cover story about how me and Jameil met. People at work were asking me and I didn't want to tell them, oh we both blog. Cuz then they would probably ask me one of two questions: 1. "What's a blog?" which I don't feel like explaining or 2.) "Can I read your blog?" To which the answer would be a resounding "Nah, shawty! I be talking bout you on there. "

Can someone explain the need to continue the economic embargo against Cuba? Are we scared that communism is gonna spread to America from that tiny nation? And don't give me that human rights stuff, cuz we trade with China amongst other alleged human rights violaters. It seems to me that the only ones hurting from this policy are the Cuban citizens, not the leaders.

Can I just say how strange it is to hear "Never Woulda Made It" on the radio right after "Please Excuse My Hands." Some radio director needs to learn a thing or three about transitions.

Text Message I recieved earlier this week: "Hey U. Just wanted 2 say hello. hope all is well." Area code 732... I have no idea who this is. If its any of you out there, text me back and put your name on it. That's Jersey, I think. And before you ask why I don't just reply back asking who it is... that could be a stalker.. or a former stalker trying to reopen the lines of communication. Best to ignore it. LOL

Whenever there's a hurricane threatening Savannah, my grandmother prays it off. A major hurricane hasn't hit Savannah since my grandma's been living there. Whether you beleive it is up to you.. but my question is... If you pray a hurricane away from you and it hits another area of the country, does that make you responsible for the damage?

Least favorite blog comment: "Cool blog, I'll be back.." This hasn't happened to me, but I've seen it on other peoples blogs. I'm like did you even read the post? Or do you just wan't people to read yours. Speaking of which.. I've been slacking on my reading the last week. If you came by and I haven't come visited you, then get over it...Oops, I meant, I'll try to get round there soon. LOL

I have another crazy blog idea. I hope I have time to finish it at work tomorrow. You know how I get when the sarcasm is on full blast. It could be fun...

I should be sleeping instead of writing these completely random thoughts, so I think I'll go do that now. Have a good one!

Friday, September 5, 2008


I pulled up to my crib at 11:00 last night. A jeep sat idling in my usual parking space. Actually, she was in 2 spaces: Mine and the one that usually is empty next to mine. I grumbled a little – internally of course. We don’t have assigned parking. To the left of this spot was an old teenager of a ride. I recognized this as my sister’s car. She had come up from Savannah last Friday, so the kids could hang with their father over the weekend. She still hadn’t left, but that’s another post. Anyway, I went inside and ate and packed for my latest trip to Gainesville to see Jameil. Around 2:30, I went to put my bag in the car and didn’t see her car. I was pretty sure she was still there, I didn’t hear her leave, and the kids were still there, so I went in the spare bedroom. Sure enough, she was in there sleep…

“Hey, Nikki… Your car isn’t outside…”

Somebody done stole her car from right in front of the crib. It’s not like she had a baller mobile. Our family curse prohibits that. If anyone has a new car, then something will happen to it. I personally have given up on driving a car made this millennium. It just doesn’t work. From accidents to engine problems to strange never before heard of problems, it’s almost like we’re better off with the old joints. Anyway, this is the first time a car has been stolen. I drove around the complex to see if maybe some young punks had taken it for a joy ride, but that was to no avail. I didn’t see it anywhere in the complex. While my sister called the police, I drove outside the complex and swore I saw the whip at a barbershop nearby. It was backed in, so I couldn’t see the license plate, and there was a woman standing in front of it. I thought about driving up on her, but Jameil talked some sense into me. Who knows who is in the car and what kind of weaponry they had. So, I posted up in front of the strip club and watched for awhile. Other cars started pulling up next to it, and it kinda looked shady, so I dipped out and left them to their drug deal.

I got back home and heard my sister talking to the police. These cats didn’t send anyone out to investigate or anything. Instead, they said that they would have a police report ready in 5 days. Pretty much it seems like she ain’t never gonna see that car again and the cops won’t be doing anything. It was crazy. I never lock my car doors and I may or may not leave my ipod in plain sight, not to mention whatever else I forget to bring in the house and nothing has ever happened. But they straight took my sister’s car without any of us hearing anything. This morning I went to get my haircut (at another barbershop) and saw that the car was still sitting there. This time in broad daylight I was able to see that it was not my sister’s car, just one that looked like it. I don’t know what’s gonna happen next. How or when my sister will get back to Savannah, whether or not she will get her car back, nothing. It was just nuts. Nikki was and is remarkably calm about the situation. I don’t quite understand it, but that’s how my family is. We don’t get too excited about much. I know this much though. If I ever find them cats, I just want to ask them a question:


Anyway, I’m off to Florida as soon as I get off work. I’ll check you all out after the weekend. Y’all be easy!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Thursday Thirteen: 13 Ways I Am NOT Hip Hop

Everybody who knows me, knows that I am hip hop. Yeah, except for when I'm not. Here are 13 ways I am NOT hip hop:

1 Buffy Gilmore in the OC – I be watching some of the whitest shows in the history of television. It doesn’t matter to me. I just enjoy good writing, compelling plots, acting ability. At the same time, I don’t watch a lot of the black shows. It’s not a self hating thing, it’s a them hating thing. I hate wackness and I won’t settle for it just because we are the same race.

2 French Club President – How hip hop is that? I was French Club president in high school. I wish I could still speak French, but I can’t. I remember my French teacher, Mrs. Lebos found me a French rapper’s cd. His name was MC Solaar. I would link stuff, but I’m at work and lazy. He was okay, but I didn’t understand much of what he was saying.

3 Can’t Take That Away From Me – yeah, I know way too many songs from musicals. I don’t even know how I know them, cuz I don’t be watching musicals. But invariably at some point of a conversation, one of Gilbert and Sullivan’s greatest hits may pop in my head. Not very hip hop I know, but if Jigga can sample Hard Knock Life and get a hit, then I can randomly tell people that once you’re a jet you’re a jet to your last cigarette…

4 DJ Overrated On The Wheels of Steel – I really think the DJ gets too much credit. It’s not like back in the day when they would actually produce and scratch. Why do you get props for playing already made music? I can do that. I can put my ipod on shuffle and achieve that. And the talking over the beat? Just mad annoying!

5 Scared of guns – Can I be part of the hip hop culture without owning or ever firing a gun? I guess its even worse that I’m deathly afraid of guns. I have good reasons (almost getting shot 3 times) but I guess that ain’t really hip hop.

6 Radio Ethics – Okay, follow me on this one. Rappers are all about saying whatever they want. I don’t have a problem with that. But I do have a problem with the radio playing all kinds of lewd, profane, and drug promoting music when kids can hear it. The obvious “Lollipop” should by no means be played when kids can hear it. That’s why you got lil 4 year olds talking about giving head and not even knowing it. Or even worse, they do know what they are talking about. If you gonna make a radio edit, then edit it right. If you say mother fu.. its very obvious that the next part is cker. I don’t believe in censorship, but I do believe that there is a time and place for everything.

7 Hate jewelry – Yeah, no bling for me. Even back in the day with the truck jewelry like Slick Rick, I wasn’t interested. Now cats are finding new places to encrust with jewels. It’s ridiculous to me. I really don’t need to see platinum eyelashes with diamond teardrops. You are men, so how about not overdoing it with “Girls Best Friend”

8 No homeboys
– I ain’t got no posse, no clique, no crew, no mob, no thugs, no wack dudes that I want to sign to my record label. In fact, all my friends are women. Is that hip hop?

9 Sneaker Pimp – I’m not so much into sneakers. I’ve only owned one pair of Jordans – the first ones Red and Black, but I’ve just never been into them. I know that’s a big part of the hip hop culture. We love our kicks, but that’s just not my steez.

10 Dancing Machine – I can’t dance. Phil Collins 1992. How can I be hip hop when all them cats do is make songs telling me to dance? You know what I’m talking about. I can 2 step, but I’m not about to be walking it out to the left and dip baby dipping while doing the butterfly, uh uh that’s old..lemme see you tootsie roll…

11 Chorus – Harmonizing, sight reading, tuxedo shirt, bowtie, cummerbund, singing Christmas Carols. I did manage to keep it hip hop though. I rocked my box and my pants sagged a little and I pimp walked on the stage. LOL

12 N.E.R.D. – I’m a big fat nerd. I know this, and I don’t accept it, I embrace it. I like being the smartest guy in the room. I like knowing about stuff I’m not supposed to know about. I like being weird, odd, whatever you wanna call it. I’m a proud nerd, but a cool one!

13 Start Snitchin’ – Yeah, I know you ain’t supposed to snitch, but there are some times where dropping a dime is necessary. I’m not saying I would snitch on the weedman, but the crack man? Shooooooot! You kill somebody and confess to me? You better hope that I wanted that person dead too… and there’s no reward… and I don’t think that I could possibly be next. I’m a tell. You my co defendant and it comes down to either you or me going to jail? I’m straight snitchin on you! I’m a be just like Mike Vicks homeboys. I’m a be like OJ’s co –ds? I’m too pretty for jail, dawg!!! LMAO!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Rashan vs. The Security Guard

The female security guard spoke in a half nice, half nasty tone...

“Excuse me, sir. You can’t park where you parked.”

“Huh? I’m in the deck.”

The deck is the parking structure that’s about a 4 minute walk up a hill. I don’t even try to park close to the building anymore. It’s a waste of time to circle around in vain and then inevitably have to go park down there anyway. Every now and then, you may catch somebody leaving on a fools errand, but most of the time, people guard their parking spaces with their lives. Only on Fridays, when people take vacation and leave early is it possible to get a spot if you start work after 8:30am or before 4:30 pm. Anyway, I digress.

"You are parked in visitor parking. You can’t park there!"

"Nah, I just walked up the front of the building. But my car is down in the deck."

I kept it moving and tapped my badge on the magnetic card reader. The light turned green and I made my way into the revolving door which I determined only exists to slow the flow of traffic and annoy me when it hits the heel of my size 12s. Seriously, I’m clumsy enough without having a slow moving door attack me from behind. Suddenly, the door stops and I’m standing in the middle of a no longer revolving door. The intercom beeps and the security guard speaks:

“I told you. You can’t park there. I need you to move your vehicle”

I’m blowed, but I try not to let it show. I know how I am. You can read the emotion on my face. My natural inclination was to say something sarcastic while giving her the smirk, but I refrained. I mean, I could have told her that maybe the weave was in her eyes and she couldn't see the video monitor clearly, but really what would that accomplish. Anyway, the revolving door started moving backwards, this time hitting me in the toes of my shoes. I backed up along with it until I was smack dab back in the lobby from whence I came. I composed myself before speaking.

“What car do you think is mine? I’m telling you I parked out in the deck.”

“Don’t lie to me, sir! I saw you get out of that Accord.”

“Did you see me get out or did you see me walk by it? I don’t have an Accord.”

Even if I was driving someone else’s car, or got a new car that I didn’t register, do you really think I’m gonna stand here arguing with someone that can tow my car? I’m a contrarian, but not that much. It really is not that serious. But for real, why you gotta just straight up call me a liar?

“We have ways of finding out.”

“I promise you that is not my car. Go ticket it! Tow it for all I care! Right now, you are making me late with this conversation. Can I go please?”

“Well, if you just move your car…”

“Look, here is my badge. Look up what kind of car I have. Look up if I swiped my badge in the parking deck like 5 minutes ago. Just do it on your own time. I gotta go.”

“I don’t need your name. I know who you are..”

“Cool, can I go to work now?”

“Go ahead…but if I'm right...”

“You are wrong.”

I swiped my badge again. This time the card reader stayed orange. Access denied. I shot her a look and she pushed a button and the doors started moving. Do you know what she had the nerve to say?

“Have a nice day, sir!”

In honor of this interaction, may I present to you... N.W.H. from the movie "Fear of a Black Hat" - Don't watch at work... or around small children... or security guards... It's hilarious, though!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Cynical or Realist?

Read the following statement paraphrased from a conversation I had yesterday and tell me: Am I a cynic or a realist?

Barack can't say anything about Palin's fast daughter. Sure, he says "family is off limits," but what else is he gonna say? It's a political move. He would be crucified if he came out and attacked Palin for having an unwed teenage daughter. Don't get me wrong. I really like Barack, but he's still a politician and motivated by political things. He didn't get where he is now without knowing how to play the game. And while he won't come out and comment on the irony of the situation, that doesn't mean he won't turn the other way while his people keep it in the news.

See, I was told I was a cynic. And I guess by the dictionary definition that could be true. But I feel I'm just being real. I'm not looking at Barack with rose colored glasses. I know that he has to do things sometimes that he may not personally agree with, but are necessary. Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with being political. Its the only way to get things done sometimes. So, I don't think I was being cynical. I was just looking at the reality of the situation and making an evaluation. What do you think? Am I a cynic or am I a realist?