Some say I’m negative, but they’re not positive…

What song does that title come from? I doubt any of the people in their 20’s will remember that…

Anyway, I’ve been doing some thinking. Rather, I’ve stopped blocking my thoughts as I usually do. I sometimes don’t like to face the hard truths, even though my brain knows about them. Here is the simple fact: I’ve been becoming more negative lately. I’ve always been a realist, some would say cynical. That’s not a problem for me. I think I see the world as it is, rather than with rose colored glasses. I’m not too far gone to see that although some people are messed up, other people have good, decent or altruistic motives. So, when I say I’m becoming negative, I don’t mean that.

I guess I should just say what I mean. I’ve recently realized that I am extremely proficient in identifying and talking about stuff I don’t like. People, places, things. Its far easier for me to say what’s wrong, than what’s right. I don’t want to be a complainer. I don’t like them (LOL – see I just did it again.) I need to get a positive mindstate. I looked at my draft posts over the last two week period, and 7 out of 10 aborted posts were complainey, or critical. And the thing is I wasn’t complaining about anything big. Just stuff that was getting on my nerves. Either that or I was talking about people. Why spend so much time on the negative? I don’t know, but I think I need to change that.

So starting today, I’m gonna make a conscious effort to not post about annoying people, annoying things or general annoyances unless for comedy purposes. I can’t let it go altogether. I’m gonna try to be more positive and affirm the good for awhile, rather than display the negative. Don’t worry, this isn’t gonna become one of those inspirational blogs. I still don’t like motivational writing (oops, I did it again.) But I just want to try to avoid the negative energy for the time being and see how it works. We’ll see how long I can last.

Thursday Thirteen: What I've Been Doing In The Week Since I've Blogged.

1. Getting a concussion. A mild one, but my head was hurting for 2 days. I got hit in the bumper on I 75. I’m cool. Thanks for your concern. LOL

2. Hanging out with Jameil. She came down Tuesday!!!

3. Watching inordinate amounts of Dexter. I got a couple of DVDs from Netflix, and then instead of waiting for the rest, I downloaded the rest of season 2 and 3. 24 episodes in a weekend.

4. Watching an inordinate amount of “Weeds.” After I got done with “Dexter”, I moved on to Weeds. Downloaded the 4th season of that.

5. Making excuses for not blogging. Honestly, I didn’t feel like it, so I didn’t do it. *Insertlameexcusehere*

6. Coming up with a plan to rule the world. Well, not exactly world domination, but I need to make moves. The writing is on the wall at work, and I need to have a plan.

7. Doing as much of nothing as possible at work. Between the slow times and the computer issues, a couple of days I shouldn’t even be there. It’s like a full time job not to go home early. (although I’m salaried, they take that time out of my check.)

8. Not calling people back, or not responding to emails. Umm, yeah, you all know that’s how I roll.

9. Making fun of people. Since it’s been so slow at work, this gives me lots of time for laughing and joking with the co workers. The more they talk, the more ammunition they give me for comedy. I wish I would have blogged about some of these situations, as they cracked me up.

10. Getting harassed by Aries. You saw the post last week from the old girl that I haven’t seen since 97. I got another facebook message from a different Aries who evidently neglects to see all the pictures of me and Jameil. Come on, Aries women, stop trying to get at me. LOL

11. Starting and stopping writing. I got drafts both in blogger and in my work email that I haven’t finished. At least when I finally decide to become a full time blogger, I won’t have far to go to find ideas.

12. Becoming more and more frustrated with the co workers incessant talk about losing weight. How many crazy diet ideas can you try, before you decide to bite the bullet and actually walk down that one flight of stairs. At the very least don’t talk loudly about your BMs and your colon cleansing. I don’t want to know about it.

13. Teased people to their faces... and they didn't catch on. We had a meeting the other day at work. This guy was supposed to be facilitating it, but knew nothing of what he spoke. After 5 minutes of silently mocking, I decided to "help" him. I turned on the overhead projector and found all the answers that he didn't know. I was mocking him, but he really, really thought I was helping him. Everybody cracked up, but at the end of the meeting, he stated "I'm going to look to you for help next meeting." Dog, you didn't even see that I was calling you dumb and undermining your authority. What a waste of sarcasm. LOL

Whole Bunch of Nothing

That's what I did this weekend. I only left my crib for about 10 minutes to get something to drink. Other than that, I was plopped down on the couch watching tons of tv, talking on the phone or eating the food I cooked. When I got off work Friday night, I went to the grocery store so I wouldn't have to go out to get anything to eat this weekend. Saturday, I made turkey burgers and nachos (not to eat together, but because I have to be in the mood to actually cook, and who knows when that will strike again.) Then I proceeded to watch 18 out of 20 episodes of Battlestar Galactica season 2, both on dvd and online. I had to tell you what I was watching because Jameil thinks it weird. I promise I'm not a sci fi nerd, but that show is really, really good. Besides, I don't think its any stranger than her goal of watching 750 movies in this year. I also watched 5 episodes of Rome on HBO On Demand, and a few episodes of 30 Rock on the computer. Then Sunday night, I watched a couple of movies with Jameil over the phone.

Yep, I sat around all weekend. Did not a thing. For most people that would be boring, but not me. I enjoy my nothing weekends when I have no demands on my time, or nothing to worry about. But alas, its over. Today, its back to the grind. Clients, and coworkers, and management demands. My company reports its first quarter earnings today, so hopefully that'll go well. Our CEO already has a town hall meeting scheduled for all the employees. Its hard to tell if this will be a celebratory propaganda meeting or a reassuring propaganda session in the face of bad numbers. Either way, I'm ready for the propanda. Let's hope for the best.

Hope everybody has a productive Monday. Talk to you all later.

I Want A Divorce

I've been thinking lately that I need a divorce from rap music. Not hip hop, although its becoming increasingly difficult to find the distinction nowadays. I never thought I would be that guy. You know the one that waxes philosophic about the good old days, I have to admit that I am. I've always had an appreciation for the music I grew up with, but I used to be able to keep an open mind about new stuff. Whereas, I would rather listen to Rakim, I could still appreciate T.I.'s music. Or, Nas has been my favorite, but that wouldn't preclude me from listening to Ludacris. To me, it wasn't as good as the music I grew up with, but I still liked it. Maybe I couldn't listen to an entire Fabolous album all the way through like I did with Das Efx, but it still had its moments.

But lately, rap sucks. If you can even call it rap anymore. There are too many adolescents copying each other's wack styles, using wack similes, rapping over wack beats, exhibiting total and utter wackness. Its not the subject matter to me. One thing that hasn't changed about me is that I don't care what you rap about, as long as you have a good flow and some clever lyrics. I mean, I listened to NWA talk about murdering dudes and selling drugs and causing general mayhem. Stuff that was far from my reality, but it sounded good so I dug it. Don't get me started on Jay-Z's materialism and drug smuggling rhymes. I don't know nothing about that, but he had a flow that was amazing and his rhymes weren't just run of the mill. I know this was a serious digression, but I just want you to know that I haven't grown into a prude in my old age. I will still rock some old gangsta stuff. Just gangsta stuff from the 90's.

I turn on the radio and I hear, for lack of a better word, garbage. And I'm aware that there has always been garbage on the radio, and will always be garbage on the radio. It never used to bother me. In fact, I would take pride in the fact that I hated that garbage. The only difference between now and then, is that I used to have an alternative. I could watch Rap City and Yo! MTV Raps and hear stuff that didn't get played on the radio. Hell, I could even turn on Hits From The Street, or Miss Cita's World and hear some non radio songs. I bought albums nobody ever heard of (for instance, I had that Jay-Z Reasonable Doubt album before anybody in my city even really knew who he was.) I can't tell you the last time I bought an album. (Actually, I can. It was Kanye's Graduation album) With the exception of a few cats out, I'm just not moved by any of the new music, underground or commercial.

So, yeah, I digressed majorly. The point of the post was to say, I want a divorce from the rap game. I don't care about all the fake beef, I don't care about people that can't seperate their real lives from their rap lives. I don't care about these ringtone rappers. I don't care about people that rap about the same thing people been rapping about for 20 years, and can't find a new way to say anything. I don't care about these rappers that don't even enuciate enough for you to realize that what they are saying doesn't really rhyme. I don't care about these rappers with no craft, no talent, no intelligence, no other word in their vocabulary besides swagger. I just don't care. I want a divorce from rap. If you need me, I'll be laid up in the cut listening to some neo soul or my Boogie Down Productions CD from 1988.

Snap Out Of It

I'm feeling annoyed for no good reason. I can't figure it out. I was off work yesterday, and instead of enjoying the solitude like I usually do, I just found myself restless. What I thought was the cause of my annoyance, as I thought about it, was only a secondary cause. I was feeling annoyed since I woke up yesterday morning. Whatever the cause, I need to snap out of it. I can't stand feeing annoyed with the world. It causes me to say stuff that hurts peoples feelings or just avoiding people altogether. This doesn't happen often, but I usually have some things I can do to get rid of this blah feeling.

Step One: Sleep - I tried this last night. I went to bed at a decent hour, but found myself waking up annoyed every couple of hours. Usually, I can go right back to sleep, but it wasn't working last night. Every little thing woke me up. The dog across the way that barks incessantly that I can usually tune out, the train whistle that I never hear when I'm sleep, the sirens emanating from the fire station that's close to me. Last night, I heard all of those things. Sleep didn't work, so let's move to step two.

Step Two: Long Hot Shower - Something about the hot water soothes me. I did this today before going to work. We'll see how it goes. I felt great while in the shower, but as soon as got dressed to leave, that old familiar annoyance came back.

Step Three: Talib Kweli's "Get By" - Something about this song gets me going when I'm not feeling it. It's one of my artificial hypeners (yes, i know that's not a word.) If that doesn't work, then I can move on to Raekwon's "Glaciers of Ice." One of these should get me pumped up to face the day at work. If not, then I just have to fake it at work today.

Step Four: Don't Talk To Anyone -If all else fails, I just have to go solo today. No team building. No laughing and joking with the co workers. Just me and my computer and my work. Conversations that I usually find funny will just annoy me when I'm in this mindstate. People will seem infinitely dumber than they usually do.

I sure hope these work. I usually don't feel blah for more than 24 hours and hopefully the trend will continue and I can go back to being the easygoing, funloving, jokecracking dude you all know and love. I'm just saying though, there better not be no traffic today. I don't wanna have road rage today. I'm already annoyed enough at little things. I need to snap out of it.

Stressed

I'm stressed and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm usually the type that let's things roll of his back, but it's not working now. Everyday I go to work, I feel like it may be my last. I try to take it in stride, but whenever I wake up in the morning and see my company's name in the news, or see how the stock is tanking or see that a competitor is laying off 730 people right down the street from me, I just get a knot in my stomach. I get worried, and I'm not the one to worry about stuff. I just can't shake it.

I think maybe it's not so much the jacked up economy as it is real life situations that are getting to me. A few weeks ago, my grandmother was sick, which in itself is enough to make me lose it. Everybody has that one person in their family that means everything to them. Well, my grandma is that to me. She's fine now, turns out to just be vertigo, as opposed to the stroke that they originally thought it was, but for a while I was really worried about her. The thing that made it even worse, was that I didn't find out until a week later. Nobody bothered to tell me that my grandmother was rushed to the hospital. I was so mad at my family, but before I could even confront them...

I found out that my mom's husbands mother died. I didn't really know her, but it wasn't exactly the right time to start an argument. Then the following week, my mom's husband went in the hospital. This time they told me right away. It's really messed up. He has cancer and has stopped taking the radiation because it wasn't working. He has stuff on his lungs and his brain. This is like the 3rd time in the last 5 years that his cancer has come back and this time it looks like it's the end. They are throwing out words like hospice and making him comfortable, but I don't know what's gonna happen. I'm sad for my mother. I can hear her trying to be strong, but I can also hear the grief in her voice. I'm worried about what's gonna happen if he dies. I worry about the family drama that might ensue after he's gone. I worry about how she's gonna raise an 8 year old child by herself at age 60. Mostly, I'm just worried.

I don't even know what the point of this post was. I don't usually talk like this. I don't like this feeling and I hope it passes quickly. I know it's only human to go through this, but I'm not used to it. All I wanna do when I get home is sit around and drink. Don't worry, I'm not doing it, but it would just be easier than dealing with this stress. I hate this feeling of being helpless.

And Now...Another Episode of Rashan Overreacts To Something Small...

One of these days , I'm gonna come home from work and not find something on my door. Monday, it was Chinese food menu, Tuesday it was a flyer (flier?) for an after hours club, Wednesday it was the same Chinese food place, and today its an advertisement for a real estate company. Enough already. I'm not the most green person in the world, but this ridiculous waste of paper is getting on my nerves. And when the wind blows really hard, you can always see these stupid pieces of paper flying around the parking lot. And sometimes its not just on the doors. The after hours club likes to lift up windsheild wipers and put their glossy cards featuring a big booty woman and a bottle of liquor on cars. I don't want my kids seeing that first thing in the morning when they are on their way to school. I don't want theives knowing I haven't been home all weekend cuz there are 12 multi colored pieces of paper all over the door. At least these Mexicans that deliver them have a job.

I should gather up all these menus and fliers and bring them back to these companies.. No, that won't work. They'd only deliver them again. I got it... I should totally go to these places and pass out my own fliers. Like go to the after hours club and post a notice about from a local church on the doors. Or go to the mortgage company and give them a copy of the Obama foreclosure plan. Or go to the Chinese place and put up pictures of cats. See how they like it. Jerks!! Now where are my colored pencils and construction paper. Time to get to work...

Predictability

I've been known to be a creature of habit. I find myself doing the same things all the time. Its not so much of an obsession, but just what I'm used to. I eat wheat bread because that's what I was raised on. I always drive in the 4th lane on 285 on the way to work. When I log on to my computer, I always start at the same sites, in the same order. Why? I don't know, but I that's what just how I do. I guess it's just comfortable...However, something happened the other day that made me wonder if I need to switch things up a little.

After the ride home from work Monday (in which I drove in the 4th lane for as long as possible), I stopped by my local Subway to get dinner. I usually go there at least once a week, unless I'm on one of my "I'm gonna cook" phases. I got in line and the East African girl that always waits on me says:

"Footlong Tuna Sub on Italian Herbs and Cheese. Lettuce, Tomatoes, and Pickles"

She was right. How did she know? LOL - Maybe it's cuz I go there all the time and always order the same thing. I felt like switching up the order just to prove her wrong, but I really wanted that tuna sub. I'm so predictable sometimes.

My Latest Obsession

I've been known to fixate on things over the years. My current obsession: The AFI 100 Years...100 Movies List. For those that don't want to click the link, basically in 1998, AFI (American Film Institute) compiled a list of the 100 greatest American movies over the last 100 years. It was voted on by 1500 people in the movie industry. There's all kinds of criteria that they use to pick the movies, but that's not important right now. What's important is my obsession...

A few years ago, I had the bright idea that I was going to watch all 100 of the movies on this list. I had seen some, but for some reason I thought that if I was going to be a true movie fan, I should watch them all. The idea languished in the recesses of my mind trapped behind other obsessions such as blogging, downloading every single song I could find by Little Brother and anyone remotely affiliated with the Justus League (What up, Adei? I know you think that's weird, but it is what it is. LOL) and watching the entire series of several TV shows, such as the Sopranos, Gilmore Girls, and countless British crime series. Yeah, I know that's a lot of obsessions, but at least I'm not hurting anyone, right?

Fast forward to late 2008. I'm dating Jameil and she is a documentary filmmaker. We started watching tons of movies, some documentaries and other's fiction. I got back in the swing of watching movies all the time. I remembered my old idea of watching all these movies and thanks to Netflix, Turner Classic Movies and the University of Florida library, I put the plan in action. First thing I did was make a list of all the movies I hadn't seen. There were around 55 out of the 100 I needed to watch. Then I started getting the DVDs in the mail from Netflix and taking advantage of their Instant Viewing option. I was making significant progress on the list. Some of the movies I thought I would hate (ie westerns and musicals), I actually liked. Conversely, some of the classic movies on the list were straight garbage to me (The Graduate, The French Connection, Midnight Cowboy.) I guess everyone has his own tastes. Before I knew it, I was down to like 25 movies when I discovered something. AFI updated their list in 2007. That meant that 27 more movies were added to the list. Sure, I could have just went with the original list, but what kind of obsessive behavior is that? I decided I was going to watch every single last movie on both the 1998 list and the 2007 list. I remembered that Turner Classic Movies often plays these movies, so I went to their website and got the schedule for when they were coming on. I added that to my list. I figured if they are coming on TV, I didn't need to wait for Netflix to send them to me. I flew through the movies with ease. It wasn't until I got to the end that I knew it would get more difficult.

See, there were several movies on the list that I was NOT looking forward to watching. The Marx Brothers movies (I think there were 2) took some self prodding to watch. Turns out I loved them. I also have a strong aversion to silent movies. There were way too many of them, and I just can't get into movies without dialogue (with the exception of Charlie Chaplin's City Lights. I actually liked that one.) For the most part I watched those on fast forward, only stopping to read those stupid title cards that explain what's happening in a particular scene. Even though I was dreading those, I made it through those with relative ease. Then the biggest problem: the racist movies. "Birth of a Nation" was basically a propaganda movie about the formation of the KKK. It was incredibly racist, and even though I watched it on fast forward, I saw enough horrible blackface caricatures and Klan glorification to last me 10 lifetimes. Also, Gone With The Wind. I haven't watched that one yet, but I seem to remember back when I was a militant midget (James Evans 1976), hearing about how it was racist. I will soon see, as it is one of only 2 movies I have left to watch.

How's that for obsession? In three months, I've watched at least 70 movies and only have 2 to go. "Gone With The Wind", which Netflix doesn't want to send me for some reason, and the 1939 version of "Wuthering Heights" which is supposedly out of print and not available anywhere, (although my sister who is sharing in my obsession says she found it in the library in Savannah and should be bringing it with her this weekend.) With any luck, I will be finished with this obsession by Monday, and ready to move on to the next one. Any ideas on what I should fixate on next?

Therapy

I had a breakthrough earlier this week. I finally understand why I am the way that I am. I get it from my mama…and my father. I learned this during my therapy session (sleep therapy that is)…

Perhaps, if I felt that something was wrong with me, I could have realized this earlier, but darn it, I like me. I feel like if you have a problem with me, that’s your problem. So, no… therapy is not an option for me. That’s what my blog is for. Or that’s what my amazing coping abilities are for. Or my avoidance… wait, that’s probably not a healthy response. But as I was saying, my breakthrough came to me in a dream. The details of the dream escape me. I don’t even remember my parents making a guest appearance, but the general theme was blaring in its clarity: I am my parents’ child. Physically, there’s no doubting that. You can see elements of both my mother and my father in my visage, my mannerisms, my thought process. This is a little deeper than chromosomal traits. The way that I am is like they way they were. Let me give you a couple examples.

I love my family. Really, I do. But I’m not the call all the time type of person. I easily can go a month without calling and checking on people. It’s not that I don’t I want to know what they are up to, it’s just I feel like if they have something to tell me they will. Consequently, I play the black sheep role. I’m not complaining, its only temporary and it’s of my own doing, but I realized that may just be a learned behavior. My father used to do this same thing. We would go months without hearing a word from him, then when we visited him in the summer, it was like Father’s Knows Best up in there. I always wondered how a man could virtually forget about his children when they weren’t around, and be a loving parental unit when they were around. I vowed to myself that when I became a father I wouldn’t be like that. My convictions about that are very strong, so no worries about me failing that way. I guess, however, I failed to see how I do that with other people though and how it relates to him. Here’s another example…

When I get in a relationship, I give it my all, sometimes to the detriment of other previously established relationships. I know this about myself: my girl will take precedence over my friends. On its own, that’s a good thing. A real friend should understand that. During my previous long periods of singletude, I’ve warned friends, when I get a girlfriend, I’m gonna disappear for a minute. However, I tend to take things to the extreme. For example, I hung out with a friend last night that I hadn’t seen in 4 months. Now, not all of that was because I’m boo’ed up, but I haven’t even wanted to hang out with anyone else since me and Jam started dating. I got a call last week from my mom. The message went something like this… “Just because you all in love, don’t forget about your mother, and grandmother etc.” That brought certain memories back because my mother did the same thing back in the day. I remember when I was in high school, my mom was engaged to a man that had a daughter that was about a year older than me. She spent way more time with her fiancé and his daughter that she did with me and my siblings. She once forgot to come home to take me somewhere, because she was with them. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t care cuz I got to do whatever I wanted without interference, but I have to wonder: Is that where I get it from? I’m sure if my mother would vehemently disagree were she ever to come across my blog, but I think that’s where I subconsciously learned it.

Another thing I learned from my parents was avoidance. Or maybe a better word is repression. We don’t talk about stuff like hurt feelings and disappointments. Why confront when you can pretend it didn’t happen? Why bring up an issue when you can wait for it to disappear on its own? Jameil can’t stand this. I can’t say that I blame her, but that’s the way we were raised. Talk about good things, ignore the bad things. It works for us. I personally would rather be the family that is civil to each other than the family that screams, yells and feuds with each other. Don’t get me wrong, I know there’s a happy medium in between these two polar opposite positions. Maybe I’ll find it one day. I realize that I take this tactic with my friends too. I honestly can say that I don’t always tell my friend what I’m thinking. Scratch that, I never tell them what I’m feeling unless I cushion it in my trademark sarcasm. Is it any wonder that when I have something to say, it doesn’t get taken seriously?

So, with this in mind, over drinks at Eclipse Di Luna last night, I broke from my normal pattern. I laid out my issues with my friend. I told her why I haven’t been calling or answering. I confronted the possible hurt feelings; I unburdened myself for the betterment of our relationship. (Lest you think I’m being dramatic, it really only was like 3 sentences and matter of fact. I’m not an emotional type) I guess that dream affected me more than I initially thought. Let’s see if I can modify some of my other learned behaviors. Probably not! I like who I am. Thanks Mom and Dad!!! You guys are awesome!!!

13 Odd Things I Can Do

1. I can say the most outrageous things and people will not get mad at me. Don't know why that is, but people often laugh it off instead of cursing me out. It's a gift and a curse though, cuz when I try to make people mad they don't follow suit. Or people get mad over stuff that I think is really innocuous.

2. I can identify what type of Latino or Asian someone is. I can tell the difference between Cubans, Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, and Colombians etc. I don't think Japanese people and Chinese people look alike. Same with Vietnamese and Korean. Don't go asking me about Laotians and Cambodians though. It only works with the major countries.

3. I can easily go 24 hours without eating or sleeping. Sometimes I just forget to eat. Sometimes I can stay up a full day without being tired. The flip side of that is when I do eat, I eat a whole lot and sometimes I'm almost narcoleptic like a couple of weeks ago when I was visiting Jameil. I swear I fell asleep every 20 minutes for 2 days straight.

4. I can remember minuscule details about stuff that happened weeks, months or years ago. But sometimes I forget what I was saying mid sentence. And there are entire sections of my life that I can't remember. Like college for instance. It's strange that I remember my 1st, 2nd and 3rd grade teachers names (Mrs. Polivy, Mr. Silverman, Mrs Bierman), but I can't remember some of my college professors names.

5. I find myself fully conscious during my dreams. What I mean is that I know that I'm dreaming while I'm dreaming. It still doesn't change anything that happens in the dream. Par example, I once had a dream that (that was in French with English Subtitles) about... well, it really doesn't matter what it was about. LOL. In the dream, I actually said "I'm dreaming. This isn't real." But that didn't stop it from feeling very real, even though I knew it wasn't.

6. I learn very quickly. I never study, but if I hear or read something, it will stick in my head and I'll be able to regurgitate it. I think because knowledge comes so easily for me, that I don't apply myself.

7. I can make up the harmony to songs. I can't sing a lick anymore, but I will arrange some harmony in my head. The melody? Not so much. I'm mad off key most of the time.

8. I think I mentioned this before, but I can recite all the Presidents backwards from Obama to Teddy Roosevelt. It gets a little murky in the 1800s though.

9. I can say the alphabet backwards. I read or heard somewhere that if you got pulled over for drunk driving, that was one of the sobriety tests. So, whenever I would be drinking (or smoking out) I would practice. I can do it better drunk than sober.

10. I can crack just about every bone in my body. Not so much a talent as something that freaks people out, but from my legs to my knees to most recently, my hip, I can pretty much do it on demand.

11. I have a knack for making people tell me their secrets. I think the trick is not asking, or showing any semblance of interest. That usually makes people spill the beans. I like it because I'm mad nosy, but the drawback is that I often learn stuff that I don't want to know. Or I learn stuff that I just can't keep to myself.

12. I can take a whole lot before losing my temper. Even when I do get upset, it never comes across the same way that it does with most people. I don't get violent or verbally abusive, I just say something sarcastic and then walk away. I don't wanna say that nothing bothers me, but a lot of things that would cause others to lose their religion, I can just shrug off. Maybe it's because I always expect the worst in people, so when they disappoint me, I'm not taken aback.

13. I don't have to go to the bathroom often. And no, nothing is wrong with my kidneys and yes, I do drink a ton of water. Perhaps it stems from my aversion to public restrooms, (cuz really what is more gross than doing your business with someone standing next to you) but I've trained myself to wait until I get home from work. Now, when I'm drinking, all bets are off, but otherwise, I can hold it.

Today I Should Have Been Anti-Anti-Social

It’s been well established that I am anti social. I just don’t feel like being bothered. I haven’t hung out with the girl that I would have until recently considered my best friend in almost 4 months. I haven’t called her, haven’t really responded in a timely manner to her text messages. I avoided 2 after work functions with the co workers last week. I regularly avoid invitations from people to go out. Not that I am ever doing anything else, but I just didn’t feel like hanging out with them. The thing is, I have readily accessible excuses for not hanging out. Sometimes, I don’t even want to NOT hang out, but I have conditioned myself so much that its like a reflex. Sometimes, its just a reflex….

For instance, let’s take today. I’m at work when one of the Unit managers calls us (the training team) into the office. At first, he’s looking all dire like we did something wrong. He’s fidgeting with papers on his desk looking all nervous…

“You know, I believe in being direct.”

I’m anticipating what could possibly have gone wrong already. It’s only been one day of training so far.

“Anybody want to go to the Thrashers game tonight?”

And then he hands us tickets. That jerk got us good. LOL. Also, they aren’t just regular tickets; they are tickets for our company’s luxury suite at the Phillips Arena. I’ve never gone luxury box before. I’m not much of a hockey fan, but it would be a good experience on the company dime. But in order to get that, I would have to hang out with these same cats I see all day at work. Without thinking, I say:

“Aaaahhh, I wish I would have known. I can’t make it tonight.”

Why did I do that? It was just a reflex. I didn’t even mean it. I wanna go. I guess I can try to say I rearranged my plans, but I’m sure by now, he’s already given my ticket away. Darn this reactionary nature. Darn this anti social behavior. There’s got to be a pill I can take to get rid of this.

That Guy

Ladies and Gentleman, I have a confession to make. I'm that guy. I'm the one that's focused on the present and the future, not the past. I'm that guy that may or may not answer the phone, and I'm certainly that guy that will not ever be calling you to see how you are or to catch up about old times. It's nothing personal, it's just who I am.



You may be wondering why I'm bringing this up. Even if you're not, I'll tell you anyway. LOL. A few months ago, I joined this facebook like reunion site for my high school (and later my college). It was cool for about a week. Seeing how old friends were, catching up in platitudes and cliches (life is good. I'm staying busy.) I really just wanted to see how much better I looked than them. LOL But then I got bored with it. I'd found everyone I wanted to find, and the novelty wore off. However, because I'm me, people from my past seem to love to reconnect with me. That in itself is not a bad thing.

Reminiscing is a good thing. But after the initial "how have you been for the last 10 years" session ends, so does my interest. I can only take so much of the "remember when" conversations. I do remember. Now, I'm gonna go do something else. Truth be told, we aren't really friends anymore. If we were, then I would have known that you have 2 kids by the lame dude in high school that people liked even less than me. I would have known that you got divorced; maybe might have even received an invitation to your wedding. I would have known you just did a stint in the Mount Pleasant Iowa State Correctional Facility for taking a joy ride on your neighbors tractor and destroying his crops. But I didn't know any of these things, so upon hearing about it, I'm interested. But after hearing, I'm done. It was a good story, but now let's move on. I'm sure you have way more stories to tell, but let's pace this thing out. You don't have to tell me everything that happened over the years. Leave something for your memoirs. Let me be surprised!!!

I guess what I'm saying is that I don't look at these reconnections as an opportunity to relive the past. My life, as uneventful as it is, is my life. I don't lack stimulation. I don't wish to recapture the glory days. I'm not bored or trapped in a loveless marriage and need to escape my life. I just want to say Hi, satisfy my curiosity and move on. Maybe we can go for drinks if we are ever in the same city, maybe I'll talk to you again in 6 months, but I'm not looking for a lifelong friend. I'm certainly not looking to be your "in case of emergency, break glass" d*ck in a jar. Really, I'm not. Sorry (not really) to be that guy, but I'm not gonna answer my phone all the time. I may or may not call you back. It depends on what I feel or what I'm doing at the time. Just because we were cool when we were teenagers, doesn't make you a priority as an adult. (By the way, wanna know how to ensure I will not call you back? Call me multiple times on the same day during business hours when most people are at work. Or call me mad early in the morning. That'll guarantee that I will be too annoyed to ever call you back.)

But you should know all this about me already. You know how I am. I'm a loner. More than likely the reason we stopped talking back in the day is because I disappeared on you. Maybe even relocated to another city without telling you. Maybe I just stopped calling when I got a girlfriend. Or found a new set of friends when I stopped working with you. Or maybe I just needed my alone time. You know what? Whatever the reason, I'm that guy. You might just be better off not even making an effort. I'd hate for you to get your feelings hurt trying.

So to recap... No, I'm not gonna call you when I go to Savannah. No, I'm not going to Homecoming. No, I'm not going to meet you somewhere so we can catch up. No, you can't stay with me when you come to Atlanta. No, I'm not gonna answer my phone when you call. No, I'm not even going to listen to the message, so don't bother leaving one. Let's just make this easier for all involved. Send me an email. I'm pretty good at responding to them, unless of course I decide to ignore those too. I'm that guy sometimes too. LOL

Honest Blogger Award

Tom Gurl, Veronica, and Joy all hit me with this certified honest blogger thingy. I read the rules and it doesn't say anything about adding 10 Honest Things, but that became the de facto way of doing this tag in the blog world. I guess I'll participate... First the rules... then the honesty:

1.) When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back
2.) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or even more) that you find brilliant in their content or design.
3.) Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing they were prized with ‘Honest Weblog’
4.) Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you give the prize (optional).
5.) And then we pass it on!

1. I once inadvertently slept with a prostitute My homeboys set it up for my 24th birthday. I just thought the chick was into me. I never told anyone about this...

2. I'm not really a jerk, its just my blog persona. I created this niche when I first started and I didn't know how to let it go. It's hard to keep it up. I even act this way when I'm talking to people from the blog world in person. Jameil is the only one that knows that I'm a really a nice guy.

3. I cried watching The Notebook... and Bridges of Madison County...and The Lake House.

4. I was born with 12 toes. The extra two were removed, but I'm still self conscious about my feet to this day.

5. I have a cousin that is in a catatonic state. I can't bring myself to go visit him. I went once and was so freaked out that I haven't been back in 4 years.

6. I was in a rap group that you may or may not have heard of before they blew up to semi famous status. I quit the group cuz they didn't like to practice and were high all the time when we were supposed to be in the studio. Next thing you know they were on the radio and I was sitting at home mad and broke.

7. I used to be a small time weed man. I wasn't really that good at it, since Kareem and Tori used my stash as their own personal candy store and I let them. Plus I was always scared to carry more than an ounce on me, cuz that's a felony and under an ounce is a misdemeanor.

8. I'm gonna stop blogging on December 10, 2010. That'll be 5 years in the game. I want to have 1000 posts by then. I'm only at about 600 now, so I'll have to post pretty regularly for the next couple of years.

9. I think I maybe, possibly, could have a daughter. The mother says its not mine, but the timing seems to fit. The uncertainty kills me, but I don't really have any legal right to DNA test someone's kid.

10. I'm not supposed to tell anyone yet, but since I'm being honest I will. I'm moving to Gainesville to be closer to Jameil when my lease is up in January. I already put in for a transfer at the job and I'm just waiting to hear back about an apartment down there. She doesn't believe in shacking up, so we are gonna live separately until we get married. October 17th is the big day!! I hope she doesn't kill me for spilling the news.

Now, I'm supposed to tag 7 people, but I don't do that... Also, I should tell you that all of these are lies. LOL. I couldn't think of 10 more honest things about me. I do that all the time. Also, why is this called an award? Am I the only one that noticed this is just a tag. Don't dress it up as something it's not.

The People's Court

This message is for "Frustrated Blog Reader" (frustratedblogreader@lycos.com) ... or whatever your real name is. This post is for you. You inspired it. You feel better now that you've sent that email and gotten all that off your chest? You feel better now that you took the time to try to tell me what's wrong with my blog? You think that by sending me an anonymous email, you are going to make me do what you want me to do? Let's get one thing straight: I'm Rashan!!! I write what I want, when I want, how I want. I don't do what you want me to... Except this once. This post is for you. Hope you don't embarrass easily, but if so, you kinda brought it on yourself. I hope in reading this post you see how utterly ridiculous you are. And no, I don't care if you EVER come back to read my blog after this. Prepare to get ethered!!! But take pride in the fact that you have just inspired another moment of lunacy from Rashan Jamal.

EDIT: EMAIL TEXT ADDED AT BOTTOM OF POST

The People's Court

"Everybody's talking about the honorable Marilyn Milian, the hottest judge on television. Real cases, real litigants. Here, in our forum: The People's Court."

Introducing the plaintiff: Anonymous Lurker… 30 years old from Washington, D.C. She claims that the defendant led her on with promises of great and consistent blogging, but hasn’t delivered. She’s suing the defendant for damages and 5 blog posts a week.

Introducing the defendant: Rashan Jamal…33 years old from Atlanta , Georgia . He claims that he can blog whenever he feels like it. There was no contract with the plaintiff and that she should get a life. He’s counter suing her for being a punk and sending him unsolicited emails.

Judge Marilyn Mirian: Welcome to the People’s Court. Today’s case is set in the wonderful world of blogging. Let’s start with the plaintiff… Ms. Lurker, please state your case.

Rashan: Objection, Your Honor!

Judge Marilyn: The plaintiff hasn’t even said anything yet. What could you possibly be objecting to?

Rashan: Why she get to go first? What’s up with that? Besides, I don’t even know this chick. How she gonna be anonymous like that?

Judge: She goes first because I said so. And I’ll thank you to stay quiet until its your turn.

Rashan: My bad, Judge Judy. Go head, Lurker!

Ms. Lurker: Well, Your Honor. I’m suing Rashan because he be frontin’. He get me all excited for a blog post, then I click on his page and he ain’t even update.

Rashan: That’s a lie, your honor.

Judge: Mr. Jamal. You need to be quiet until it’s your turn.

Rashan: But I’m saying, Judge Mablean.. that ain’t even the real. I posted like 4 times last week.

Judge: Do I need to get the bailiff to restrain you? Continue, Ms. Lurker.

Ms. Lurker: As I was saying… I don’t appreciate his lack of posting. He don’t even respond to his comments no mo’. Its unconscionable.

Judge: So are you saying that Mr. Jamal has been derelict in his duties?

Ms. Lurker: You got it, your honor! He been slacking on his blogging. I don’t know what is wrong with him but he owes me. He owes me blog posts. How am I supposed to get through work without him posting? And sometimes, he even be posting like at 5 PM. My workday is over. He needs to get back to having his posts ready when I get to work.

Rashan: Judge Hatchett, Can I say something?

Judge: That’s not my name, but go ahead.

Rashan: Well, see it’s like this, Judge Cristina… I don’t even know this lady. And she gonna send me an email telling me that I don’t post enough. Can you at least comment once before you take such liberties? And who is this anyway? An anonymous email? That’s a punk move if I ever saw one.

Judge: Are you saying that you do in fact post enough?

Rashan: Word up, Judge Alex!!!

Judge: That’s not even a woman!!!

Rashan: My bad, you know I don’t be watching these wack court shows like that. I can’t even believe y’all got me in this courtroom. I believe I was promised some chicken wings in exchange for appearing on this show???? Hint Hint!!!

Judge: Lets get back to the case. Ms. Lurker, did you have a contract with the defendant that stated he would post 5 times a week?

Ms. Lurker: Well, your honor…

Rashan: That means no!!!

Ms Lurker: Whatever, Rashan… You need to shut up and let me speak.

Rashan: Word? You just gonna let her talk to me like that, Judge Rachel?

Judge: Ms Lurker, Direct your response to me. And Mr. Jamal, you are about 2 seconds from being in contempt!

Rashan: You do realize this ain’t no real courtroom, right? This is a tv set, dawg! You ain’t got no real power. And where’s my teriyaki wings, yo! You know I only eat once a day. It's about that time,

Ms. Lurker: I’m saying, your honor. I don’t have it on paper, but there was implied consent on his blog. If you look at the post dated 11/30, he clearly stated that he would post everyday.

Rashan: A brotha can’t change his mind? What’s the deal? And plus, I didn’t put any numbers on my posting. I think I post enough anyway. It’s not like I’m getting paid for this. You wanna pay me, I’ll post everyday, including Jewish Holidays. What you think this is?

Ms. Lurker: Blogger is free!

Rashan: But my time isn’t. In the immortal words of that dude from Jay-Z’s first album.. Beep you, pay me!

Judge: MR. JAMAL!!!! YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER!!!!

Rashan: I’m saying??? I’m out of order? You’re out of order! This whole damn court is out of order!!!

Judge: Bailiff.. restrain Mr. Jamal!

Rashan: Son, for real.. touch me and we gonna see the inside of a real courtroom, not this soundstage!!! You don’t know me like that, son.. I’m crazy! Have your read my blog? Did you know I have a list of ways to kill someone? It’s all theoretical now, but don’t test me…

Bailiff: You know, Judge Marilyn.. he’s right. I’m gonna just sit back and watch.

Ms. Lurker: What about me? Rashan has breached his contract with his readers. I need remediation!

Rashan: Remediate these! Don’t you ever in your life send me another email like that. I’ll post when I want to post. I’ll misspell whatever word I misspell. This is my blog! You think you can do better, then how about you get your own blog instead of hassling me about mine.

Ms. Lurker: Well, I never…

Rashan: Yeah, you never… you never commented. You never wrote a post, You never introduced yourself. You don’t have the right to say nothing to me.

Ms. Lurker: Wha—

Rashan: Objection, Judge Wapner!!!

Judge: I give up. I find for the plaintiff. Rashan, you are hereby ordered to post more often. In addition, you have to respond to your comments in a timely manner and be more interesting.

Rashan: Ordered? Word? I don’t do what I’m supposed to do. I’m a rebel, son! Black Power!!!

Judge: You will do what you were ordered to do. Otherwise, I’ll place you in contempt!

Rashan: Old fake judge and her toy cop! You ain’t gonna do nothing to me. What’s the worse that can happen? This old lurker stops coming to my blog? I’m all for that! Go away if you don’t like it. "I don’t need you, let welfare feed you."

Judge: Did you just recite a lyric in my courtroom?

Rashan: Sure did! That’s what I do. I bet you can’t identify it!

Bailiff: Jay Z “Stick to the Script”

Rashan: Aiight, brother. There maybe some hope for you yet. Now if you could just lay off the make up and stop showing out for the Man!!!

Bailiff: Word Up!!!

Ms. Lurker: I’m not coming back to your stupid little blog anymore. I'll just go read Raw Dawg's blog. He appreciates his readers.

Rashan: You’ll be back. They always come back. I'm sure I’ll be seeing your IP address on my site meter quite frequently, reading this post over and over again. How does it feel to inspire such madness?

Ms. Lurker: (blushing) I kind of like it. You so clever.

Judge: Hello, I’m the judge! Both of you need to listen to me.

Rashan: I'm done, son! I'm not gonna sit here and be berated by some old lurking ass lurker and some fake judge.

Judge: Get Out Of My Courtroom!!!

Rashan: Aiight, I'm outta here. But I'm finna take you to Judge Joe Brown. I still ain't get them waings you promised me. I'm suing for breach of contract!!!


(Theme Music Plays)

Yes, I know I took this to the extreme. And no, I'm not mad. I just think it's ridiculous for anyone to try to tell me what to do on my blog. Who does she think she is? Better yet, who does she think I am? Doesn't everybody realize how much of a jerk I can be? LOL

HERE IS THE EMAIL TEXT

Sunday, September 21, 2008 3:27 AM
From:
"Frustrated Blogreader" Add sender to Contacts
To:
visionz74@yahoo.com

Hi, you don't know me, but I've been reading your blogs for a couple of years. I have to say that lately you haven't been delivering like you used to. I don't know if you heart isnt in it anymore, but I don't like your blog like i used to. I only tell you this because I want to give you a chance to to keep me as a reader. Rashan, I think you need to post more often. I used to be able to look forward to reading you blogs every morning at work, but now you only post sporadically. Sometimes you don't even post until I'm already gone from work. You need to post more consistently if your want to keep your readers. I'm sure you noticed that you don't get as many comments as you used to. Mabye if you kept a schedule or managed your time better, people would read more. Also, you ! dont seem to Be trying to entertain us. You used to talk about all kinds of interesting things, now you only bitch about work. Nobody wants to read about that. You supposed to entertain us, but you not doing that. Well, sometimes, but not all the time. You act like you don't appreciate your readers. Without us, you are nothing. I hope you will think about this and start to blog better like you used to when you first started on your other blog. I want to keep reading, but if you don't get it together, I'll just have to find new people to read. Thanks for reading this email.

---A Frustrated Blog Reader

Thursday Thirteen: 13 Deaths That Have Affected Me

So, it's 9/11 again and everybody will be reminiscing at the massive loss of life that occurred that day. It's a sad occasion and it got me to thinking about other deaths that have affected me. Maybe its a little morbid, but death is a part of life, right? Here are 13 more deaths that have affected me personally...



1. Donny Hathaway - January 13, 1979 - I remember being a child of 4 or 5 and my parents were really sad when he died. I can't remember all the details, but I do remember that I liked his music at a young age. It was mystifying to me that a man would actually kill himself. I didn't know much about death, but I do remember wondering what he was thinking as he fell out that window.


2. The Space Shuttle Challenger January 28, 1986 - I remember this damn day like it was yesterday. It was 3 days before I moved from New York to Savannah. We were watching this in the audio visual room at Elmwood Elementary School. It was a special launch, because there was a teacher going into space for the first time. When the shuttle exploded, man there were no words. Just gasps and tears and disbelief. I remember watching over and over just hoping in vain that there was some way those astronauts could have survived.


3. Huey Newton - August 22, 1989 - This one affected me because I was just learning all about Huey. It started with those "Eyes On The Prize" documentaries and moved on to researching the Black Panther Party. I was an idealistic youngster at the time. I thought that if you were down for the struggle once, you were always down for the struggle. It was the circumstances of his death that affected me the most. It was portrayed as a drug deal gone wrong. I didn't know what to believe. On one hand, my idealism led me to think it was a CIA setup, but the realist lurking in me led me to think that a once great man had fallen. I think this was an important step in the development of my thinking and realizing that people can't be put on a pedestal, but ideas never die.


4. Peter Jones - Sometime in 1990 or 1991- This kid I went to high school with. I didn't really know him but he was playing with a gun with his homeboys and shot himself in the head. This one really affected me for two reasons: 1. He was the first cat around my age I knew that had died and 2. I dreamed about it happening the night before it happened. I wrote about it awhile back when no one was reading. This is when I stopped sleeping. I know, you don't believe me, but I promise that I had details about the shooting that there is no way I could have known.


5. Aaliyah - August 25th, 2001. I loved me some Aaliyah. I mean, I had her first CD with R. Kelly production, the second one with the Missy and Timberland production. She was just dope. And then she was promoting her new album and I was watching all the interviews and she just seemed like such a genuinely good person. I know people say that about the dead all the time, but that was the vibe I got. Anyway, I remember the day it happened. I heard it on the radio, but I had no details or anything. It wasn't really real until later that day. My homeboy Damian came over the crib. We were watching college football or something and I turned to MTV and saw the story.



6. Len Bias - June 19, 1986 - Len Bias was a basketball player that just got drafted by the Boston Celtics. He was nasty in college at the University of Maryland. He supposedly died from cocaine like 2 or 3 days after getting drafted. That shook me. I didn't know that athletes could take drugs and still function. I don't know if he was an addict or anything, but it just shook my whole perception of who took drugs. Previously, I thought it was that cat on the street that Nancy Reagan warned us about, not a regular guy. Call me naive, but I was just 11 at the time.


7. That dude that died at Sam Bower's Nightclub - July 4th, 1994. - I wrote about this one here... In addition to almost getting shot myself for being in a club I had no business being in, this was the first time I had seen someone get shot. I didn't see him take his last breath, cuz we were running, but I saw him get shot. The memory of that, as well as the bullet that breezed right by head and lodged in brick wall had me contemplative for awhile. Definitely more careful about where I hung out and with who. What you know about them mean streets of Savannah?


8. Marvin Gaye - April 1st 1984 - For real, when I heard about this on the radio, I thought it was a cruel April's Fool Joke. I was just getting into Marvin Gaye as a result of his performance at the 1983 NBA All Star game. I rummaged through my father's vinyl listening to all I could from him. And then when I heard he was dead, I couldn't believe it. At the hands of his own father no less. It was too much for my 9 year old mind to take. I understand it a lot better now, but at the time I was shocked.


9. Hurricane Katrina -August 29, 2005- I don't really need to go any further about this one. We all still remember and feel this one.


10. John Lennon - December 8, 1980 - I had no idea who John Lennon was, but the thing I remember most was the reactions when it was announced. I was at a theater. They were doing Grease. At the intermission, they announced that he was dead and you can not fathom the tears that were shed in that auditorium. All of us kids were looking like what's going on? The parents who I assume grew up on the Beatles music were all torn up. If I was one of those talking heads on a documentary I would say "it was an organic manifestation of grief. People clung to perfect strangers in an attempt to forge a connection. One rooted in our society's collective sadness." But I'm not, I was just a kid wondering why the grownups had lost their minds.


11. Shawonda - IDK 1980??? - Okay, this one I don't even know if it actually happened. I've been known to have false memories. There are certain things that I remember that when I asked my mother about it, she insists didn't happen. This may be one of those, but it affected me whether it was real or fake. There are 2 possible stories... Shawonda was riding on the school bus and had her head out of the window. She hit her head against a passing tree and was killed. In various versions of the story, she was decapitated, but I don't remember that part. The other story was that she dropped her lunch box under a parked bus. When she went to retrieve it, the bus pulled off and ran her over. This is the one that I think happened. If I recall correctly, I saw it, but that could be a repressed or false memory. Also, I may be confusing 2 different stories. Regardless, it affected me by making me extra careful on the school bus.


12. Notorious B.I.G. - March 9th, 1997 - I can't imagine that its been 11 years since he died. I was sitting at home playing video games when my sister called me and told me the news. I quickly turned to MTV and they were showing a special report. BIG was one of my favorite rappers, and was about to release a new album. It affected me in a way that Tupac's death didn't. Partially because I was not a Pac fan, but also b/c Pac's death took 7 days and I had time to process it. It was just such a shock that another talented, young Black man's promise was snuffed out by a gun.


13. My Father - January 1995 - I've told the story many times, but never as well as this one, so I'm not gonna even try. You can read that one if you need further explanation.

Thursday Thirteen: 13 Ways I Am NOT Hip Hop

Everybody who knows me, knows that I am hip hop. Yeah, except for when I'm not. Here are 13 ways I am NOT hip hop:


1 Buffy Gilmore in the OC – I be watching some of the whitest shows in the history of television. It doesn’t matter to me. I just enjoy good writing, compelling plots, acting ability. At the same time, I don’t watch a lot of the black shows. It’s not a self hating thing, it’s a them hating thing. I hate wackness and I won’t settle for it just because we are the same race.

2 French Club President – How hip hop is that? I was French Club president in high school. I wish I could still speak French, but I can’t. I remember my French teacher, Mrs. Lebos found me a French rapper’s cd. His name was MC Solaar. I would link stuff, but I’m at work and lazy. He was okay, but I didn’t understand much of what he was saying.

3 Can’t Take That Away From Me – yeah, I know way too many songs from musicals. I don’t even know how I know them, cuz I don’t be watching musicals. But invariably at some point of a conversation, one of Gilbert and Sullivan’s greatest hits may pop in my head. Not very hip hop I know, but if Jigga can sample Hard Knock Life and get a hit, then I can randomly tell people that once you’re a jet you’re a jet to your last cigarette…

4 DJ Overrated On The Wheels of Steel – I really think the DJ gets too much credit. It’s not like back in the day when they would actually produce and scratch. Why do you get props for playing already made music? I can do that. I can put my ipod on shuffle and achieve that. And the talking over the beat? Just mad annoying!

5 Scared of guns – Can I be part of the hip hop culture without owning or ever firing a gun? I guess its even worse that I’m deathly afraid of guns. I have good reasons (almost getting shot 3 times) but I guess that ain’t really hip hop.

6 Radio Ethics – Okay, follow me on this one. Rappers are all about saying whatever they want. I don’t have a problem with that. But I do have a problem with the radio playing all kinds of lewd, profane, and drug promoting music when kids can hear it. The obvious “Lollipop” should by no means be played when kids can hear it. That’s why you got lil 4 year olds talking about giving head and not even knowing it. Or even worse, they do know what they are talking about. If you gonna make a radio edit, then edit it right. If you say mother fu.. its very obvious that the next part is cker. I don’t believe in censorship, but I do believe that there is a time and place for everything.

7 Hate jewelry – Yeah, no bling for me. Even back in the day with the truck jewelry like Slick Rick, I wasn’t interested. Now cats are finding new places to encrust with jewels. It’s ridiculous to me. I really don’t need to see platinum eyelashes with diamond teardrops. You are men, so how about not overdoing it with “Girls Best Friend”

8 No homeboys – I ain’t got no posse, no clique, no crew, no mob, no thugs, no wack dudes that I want to sign to my record label. In fact, all my friends are women. Is that hip hop?

9 Sneaker Pimp – I’m not so much into sneakers. I’ve only owned one pair of Jordans – the first ones Red and Black, but I’ve just never been into them. I know that’s a big part of the hip hop culture. We love our kicks, but that’s just not my steez.

10 Dancing Machine – I can’t dance. Phil Collins 1992. How can I be hip hop when all them cats do is make songs telling me to dance? You know what I’m talking about. I can 2 step, but I’m not about to be walking it out to the left and dip baby dipping while doing the butterfly, uh uh that’s old..lemme see you tootsie roll…

11 Chorus – Harmonizing, sight reading, tuxedo shirt, bowtie, cummerbund, singing Christmas Carols. I did manage to keep it hip hop though. I rocked my box and my pants sagged a little and I pimp walked on the stage. LOL

12 N.E.R.D. – I’m a big fat nerd. I know this, and I don’t accept it, I embrace it. I like being the smartest guy in the room. I like knowing about stuff I’m not supposed to know about. I like being weird, odd, whatever you wanna call it. I’m a proud nerd, but a cool one!

13 Start Snitchin’ – Yeah, I know you ain’t supposed to snitch, but there are some times where dropping a dime is necessary. I’m not saying I would snitch on the weedman, but the crack man? Shooooooot! You kill somebody and confess to me? You better hope that I wanted that person dead too… and there’s no reward… and I don’t think that I could possibly be next. I’m a tell. You my co defendant and it comes down to either you or me going to jail? I’m straight snitchin on you! I’m a be just like Mike Vicks homeboys. I’m a be like OJ’s co –ds? I’m too pretty for jail, dawg!!! LMAO!

Rashan vs. The Security Guard

The female security guard spoke in a half nice, half nasty tone...

“Excuse me, sir. You can’t park where you parked.”

“Huh? I’m in the deck.”

The deck is the parking structure that’s about a 4 minute walk up a hill. I don’t even try to park close to the building anymore. It’s a waste of time to circle around in vain and then inevitably have to go park down there anyway. Every now and then, you may catch somebody leaving on a fools errand, but most of the time, people guard their parking spaces with their lives. Only on Fridays, when people take vacation and leave early is it possible to get a spot if you start work after 8:30am or before 4:30 pm. Anyway, I digress.

"You are parked in visitor parking. You can’t park there!"

"Nah, I just walked up the front of the building. But my car is down in the deck."

I kept it moving and tapped my badge on the magnetic card reader. The light turned green and I made my way into the revolving door which I determined only exists to slow the flow of traffic and annoy me when it hits the heel of my size 12s. Seriously, I’m clumsy enough without having a slow moving door attack me from behind. Suddenly, the door stops and I’m standing in the middle of a no longer revolving door. The intercom beeps and the security guard speaks:

“I told you. You can’t park there. I need you to move your vehicle”

I’m blowed, but I try not to let it show. I know how I am. You can read the emotion on my face. My natural inclination was to say something sarcastic while giving her the smirk, but I refrained. I mean, I could have told her that maybe the weave was in her eyes and she couldn't see the video monitor clearly, but really what would that accomplish. Anyway, the revolving door started moving backwards, this time hitting me in the toes of my shoes. I backed up along with it until I was smack dab back in the lobby from whence I came. I composed myself before speaking.

“What car do you think is mine? I’m telling you I parked out in the deck.”

“Don’t lie to me, sir! I saw you get out of that Accord.”

“Did you see me get out or did you see me walk by it? I don’t have an Accord.”

Even if I was driving someone else’s car, or got a new car that I didn’t register, do you really think I’m gonna stand here arguing with someone that can tow my car? I’m a contrarian, but not that much. It really is not that serious. But for real, why you gotta just straight up call me a liar?

“We have ways of finding out.”

“I promise you that is not my car. Go ticket it! Tow it for all I care! Right now, you are making me late with this conversation. Can I go please?”

“Well, if you just move your car…”

“Look, here is my badge. Look up what kind of car I have. Look up if I swiped my badge in the parking deck like 5 minutes ago. Just do it on your own time. I gotta go.”

“I don’t need your name. I know who you are..”

“Cool, can I go to work now?”

“Go ahead…but if I'm right...”

“You are wrong.”

I swiped my badge again. This time the card reader stayed orange. Access denied. I shot her a look and she pushed a button and the doors started moving. Do you know what she had the nerve to say?

“Have a nice day, sir!”

In honor of this interaction, may I present to you... N.W.H. from the movie "Fear of a Black Hat" - Don't watch at work... or around small children... or security guards... It's hilarious, though!

Cynical or Realist?

Read the following statement paraphrased from a conversation I had yesterday and tell me: Am I a cynic or a realist?

Barack can't say anything about Palin's fast daughter. Sure, he says "family is off limits," but what else is he gonna say? It's a political move. He would be crucified if he came out and attacked Palin for having an unwed teenage daughter. Don't get me wrong. I really like Barack, but he's still a politician and motivated by political things. He didn't get where he is now without knowing how to play the game. And while he won't come out and comment on the irony of the situation, that doesn't mean he won't turn the other way while his people keep it in the news.

See, I was told I was a cynic. And I guess by the dictionary definition that could be true. But I feel I'm just being real. I'm not looking at Barack with rose colored glasses. I know that he has to do things sometimes that he may not personally agree with, but are necessary. Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with being political. Its the only way to get things done sometimes. So, I don't think I was being cynical. I was just looking at the reality of the situation and making an evaluation. What do you think? Am I a cynic or am I a realist?

I Killed Plies

Charlotte, North Carolina August 10, 2008

I was hanging out with Jameil and some of her friends. The topic of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes’s deaths came up. Somebody, I can’t remember which somebody it was, made the comment that death often comes in threes. I’d heard that before. It was one of the old ladies I worked with at St Joseph’s hospital favorite phrases. Granted, she would know. She often perused the obituaries looking for people she grew up to be dead. In fact, I don’t think she ever read the paper other than to find out about somebody passing. Digression, I know, but that’s what I do. Anyway, it was at this point that I became a potential murderer. I don’t know why I said it, but I did.

“Can number 3 be Plies?” (click here if you don't know who Plies is..)

The room fell silent for a few awkward moments before erupting into laughter. Maybe it really didn’t, and that’s my overactive imagination, but that’s what it seemed like to me. Oh my God, I killed Plies…

Why Plies of all people? I don’t know. I guess he was just in my head from my ride up to Charlotte. It seemed like if it wasn’t Lil Wayne on the radio, it was Plies. He’s pretty ignorant, but I’m not particularly hating on him. To me he’s amusing. I laugh when I hear his inane, profane and mundane lyrics. I chuckle at how since he did Buss it Baby, he now samples other late 80’s music in an attempt to recapture the magic of that hit. It’s mad obvious to me that he’s trying to find his niche amongst the millions of other wack rappers out there. But I don’t hate him. I don’t really want him dead. God, I hope I don’t really have the power of life and death in my tongue. I would hate to be responsible for someone’s death by one of my insensitive jokes.

So, if any of you know Plies, I need you to do me a favor. Be a bodyguard for him. If you see some goons threatening him, get his back. If you see him bout to drink and drive, tell that friends don’t let friends do that. If you see him about to eat a baconator from Wendy’s, educate him on the dangers of trans fat and heart disease. I know thugs don’t really get down with the bungee jumping too tough, but if he does, check his straps. Make sure them platinum teeth are set properly, I don’t want him choking. Okay, maybe that would be a little funny, but for God’s sake, give him the Heimlich!!! I’m saying…don’t let Plies die. I can’t deal with that on my conscience. LOL

PS – What’s the statute of limitations on me speaking death on somebody? Like if he dies in a year, am I still responsible? 5 years? What about 7 years? That sounds like a good legal number! Do I have to carry the weight of my reckless words for the rest of my life? Somebody, please… anybody help me out here! Heaven, I Need A Hug (Gratuitous excuse to post a video. LOL)