I'm Having A Party...or maybe I'm not

Last week, I (or Jameil) had the bright idea to have some people over to the crib. Jameil was already gonna be there, and then Adei was coming to town too. We decided that we should make it a blogger meetup and invite Joy and I heard La was in the A too. The plan was we would have a get together, not so much a party, but just people eating and/or drinking at my crib.

Well, as things tend to do, plans got muddled. It was on, then it was off. Such and such was coming, then they weren't. Jameil was gonna cook, then she wasn't. I woke up this morning not really knowing if it was going to happen. It continued on to my work day. I didn't find out for sure that people would still be coming over until just before lunch. Right now, I'm at work and Jameil is either at the grocery store getting ready or laying around doing nothing. Not really sure. I'm pretty confident that when i get home, there should be food and drinks waiting, but we'll see. Anyway, the point is this: If you are in the A right now, and want to hang out with other bloggers and promise not to just show up at my crib whenever you feel like it, send me an email (visionz74@yahoo.com) and I'll let you know where the gathering is. (Magnolia - I know you don't blog but once every fortnight, and probably won't read this but you are last minute invited too. LOL) That is unless plans fall through again in which case I will sit at home drinking beer and watching tv. Either way, it sounds like a plan to me. One!

3

Do you know what today is? (TonyToniTone 1992) It’s my anniversary. I’ve been in this blog game for 3 years today. I had big plans on writing something profound or writing a post pretending to quit, but I didn’t, so now I’ll just freestyle something. It’s been good and bad, exciting and mundane, brilliant and pedestrian. I’ve met some cool people, some not so cool people, some people I thought were cool that turned out to be not so cool. I’ve met blog friends, blog stalkers, blog girlfriends, blog phonies, blog peeps I wouldn’t mind hanging out with. I’ve read interesting blogs, terrible blogs, annoying blogs, blogs that make me think, blogs that make me sick. I’ve been blog obsessed, blog apathetic, and where I am now, somewhere in the blog middle. I’ve had blog beef, blog drama, blog crushes, blog debates. Basically, I’ve done it all except get paid for this thing. Anybody got any ideas on how I can do that? LOL

Anyway, it’s my anniversary (I refuse to use that word that combines blog and anniversary.) Who knows how much longer I can go, but I don’t have any plans on quitting any time soon.

Sleepy Time

I'm back in town after 5 days in Gainesville with Jameil. It's been 3 months as of the 18th. Wow, who da thunk I could actually make it that long? LOL. Anyway, I've officially burned through all my sick time at work for the rest of the year, but it was totally worth it. I had a great time and I have vacation days in November and December, so I'll be all right. The only problem is the same problem I have every time I get back from out of town. I can't get to sleep.

Knowing I have to get up for work in about 5 hours, you would think that I should be sleep, but it doesn't seem to work that way for me. First, I had to take all my stuff out the car. I brought one of my TVs with me this time so Jam could watch 8 hours of Project Runway. Then I had to check my email. Read some blogs that I hadn't read for the last 5 days. Catch up on the sports highlights. Procrastinate a whole bunch.. and I'm still not sleepy. I guess I'm just wired from the 5 hour ride (which I completed in a little more than 4 hours this time. It's amazing how much time I can waste wandering around gas stations.) Anyway, the point is that I should be sleeping now. Its not that big of a deal. I only have to work Tuesday, Thursday and Friday this week. I guess I can catch up on sleep on Wednesday (which I have off because I was supposed to work on Saturday, before my *cough cough* sick time. Let's see what else is going on with me...

I came up with my preliminary plan to bring R Jizzy back to the blog world. I hope it works out. I'm gonna start that in November. The plan is to post every day next month. I did that last year and that's how me and Jam got cool. Speaking of Jam.. she's coming to Atlanta in a couple of weeks as Joy already knows from the text messages Jam sent from my phone. I promise none of those messages came from me, Joy! Any inappropriate comments were all her. My mom is having elbow surgery tomorrow, so think happy thoughts for her. She's funny. She called me tonight and told me to tell "my friend" she said hi. LOL. I'll be 34 in 34 days, so get your money together to buy me stuff. Okay, let me stop putting all my random thoughts in this one post and force myself to get some sleep. I'll be around your neck of the blog woods later today. Peace!!!

And Now... A Word From Our Sponsor

All over blogland, one question has thunderously reverberated…

“Where is he?...he…he…” (echo trails off)

Friend and foe alike have anxiously awaited his return…

‘I can’t wait for him to get back… He owes me money!”

The streets are waiting…

“We need him back. Don’t nobody speak for us no mo’”

Well, the time is afoot.. the time is nigh… Prepare for the return of….

(Explosions sound)

R. Jizzy!!!!

R Jizzy speaking/yelling:
That’s right, I’m back son! And wilder than ever. Get your blogs together, cuz the game’s about to change!!! Ever since I went on sabbatical, people been calling and emailing asking “Where’s Jizzy!, Where’s Jizzy!”. Well, I’m right here, dawg!!! I ain’t never left. I’ve seen people tryna take my throne. I’ve heard all the doubt. I’ve heard all the hate… Well, I’m back to take back my proper place at top of the blog world. All questions will be answered. All doubts will be erased. Son, you know what this is… R Jizzy… Blogger…Run Your Jewels, kid!!! Fresh for 2008, YOU SUCKAS!!!!!!!!

R. Jizzy returns… 11.01.2008…

Brought to you with limited commercial interruption by Dell… providing Rashan with the internet since 2004.

(If you have no idea what I’m talking about… check the side link and read Making The Blog.)

The People's Court

This message is for "Frustrated Blog Reader" (frustratedblogreader@lycos.com) ... or whatever your real name is. This post is for you. You inspired it. You feel better now that you've sent that email and gotten all that off your chest? You feel better now that you took the time to try to tell me what's wrong with my blog? You think that by sending me an anonymous email, you are going to make me do what you want me to do? Let's get one thing straight: I'm Rashan!!! I write what I want, when I want, how I want. I don't do what you want me to... Except this once. This post is for you. Hope you don't embarrass easily, but if so, you kinda brought it on yourself. I hope in reading this post you see how utterly ridiculous you are. And no, I don't care if you EVER come back to read my blog after this. Prepare to get ethered!!! But take pride in the fact that you have just inspired another moment of lunacy from Rashan Jamal.

EDIT: EMAIL TEXT ADDED AT BOTTOM OF POST

The People's Court

"Everybody's talking about the honorable Marilyn Milian, the hottest judge on television. Real cases, real litigants. Here, in our forum: The People's Court."

Introducing the plaintiff: Anonymous Lurker… 30 years old from Washington, D.C. She claims that the defendant led her on with promises of great and consistent blogging, but hasn’t delivered. She’s suing the defendant for damages and 5 blog posts a week.

Introducing the defendant: Rashan Jamal…33 years old from Atlanta , Georgia . He claims that he can blog whenever he feels like it. There was no contract with the plaintiff and that she should get a life. He’s counter suing her for being a punk and sending him unsolicited emails.

Judge Marilyn Mirian: Welcome to the People’s Court. Today’s case is set in the wonderful world of blogging. Let’s start with the plaintiff… Ms. Lurker, please state your case.

Rashan: Objection, Your Honor!

Judge Marilyn: The plaintiff hasn’t even said anything yet. What could you possibly be objecting to?

Rashan: Why she get to go first? What’s up with that? Besides, I don’t even know this chick. How she gonna be anonymous like that?

Judge: She goes first because I said so. And I’ll thank you to stay quiet until its your turn.

Rashan: My bad, Judge Judy. Go head, Lurker!

Ms. Lurker: Well, Your Honor. I’m suing Rashan because he be frontin’. He get me all excited for a blog post, then I click on his page and he ain’t even update.

Rashan: That’s a lie, your honor.

Judge: Mr. Jamal. You need to be quiet until it’s your turn.

Rashan: But I’m saying, Judge Mablean.. that ain’t even the real. I posted like 4 times last week.

Judge: Do I need to get the bailiff to restrain you? Continue, Ms. Lurker.

Ms. Lurker: As I was saying… I don’t appreciate his lack of posting. He don’t even respond to his comments no mo’. Its unconscionable.

Judge: So are you saying that Mr. Jamal has been derelict in his duties?

Ms. Lurker: You got it, your honor! He been slacking on his blogging. I don’t know what is wrong with him but he owes me. He owes me blog posts. How am I supposed to get through work without him posting? And sometimes, he even be posting like at 5 PM. My workday is over. He needs to get back to having his posts ready when I get to work.

Rashan: Judge Hatchett, Can I say something?

Judge: That’s not my name, but go ahead.

Rashan: Well, see it’s like this, Judge Cristina… I don’t even know this lady. And she gonna send me an email telling me that I don’t post enough. Can you at least comment once before you take such liberties? And who is this anyway? An anonymous email? That’s a punk move if I ever saw one.

Judge: Are you saying that you do in fact post enough?

Rashan: Word up, Judge Alex!!!

Judge: That’s not even a woman!!!

Rashan: My bad, you know I don’t be watching these wack court shows like that. I can’t even believe y’all got me in this courtroom. I believe I was promised some chicken wings in exchange for appearing on this show???? Hint Hint!!!

Judge: Lets get back to the case. Ms. Lurker, did you have a contract with the defendant that stated he would post 5 times a week?

Ms. Lurker: Well, your honor…

Rashan: That means no!!!

Ms Lurker: Whatever, Rashan… You need to shut up and let me speak.

Rashan: Word? You just gonna let her talk to me like that, Judge Rachel?

Judge: Ms Lurker, Direct your response to me. And Mr. Jamal, you are about 2 seconds from being in contempt!

Rashan: You do realize this ain’t no real courtroom, right? This is a tv set, dawg! You ain’t got no real power. And where’s my teriyaki wings, yo! You know I only eat once a day. It's about that time,

Ms. Lurker: I’m saying, your honor. I don’t have it on paper, but there was implied consent on his blog. If you look at the post dated 11/30, he clearly stated that he would post everyday.

Rashan: A brotha can’t change his mind? What’s the deal? And plus, I didn’t put any numbers on my posting. I think I post enough anyway. It’s not like I’m getting paid for this. You wanna pay me, I’ll post everyday, including Jewish Holidays. What you think this is?

Ms. Lurker: Blogger is free!

Rashan: But my time isn’t. In the immortal words of that dude from Jay-Z’s first album.. Beep you, pay me!

Judge: MR. JAMAL!!!! YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER!!!!

Rashan: I’m saying??? I’m out of order? You’re out of order! This whole damn court is out of order!!!

Judge: Bailiff.. restrain Mr. Jamal!

Rashan: Son, for real.. touch me and we gonna see the inside of a real courtroom, not this soundstage!!! You don’t know me like that, son.. I’m crazy! Have your read my blog? Did you know I have a list of ways to kill someone? It’s all theoretical now, but don’t test me…

Bailiff: You know, Judge Marilyn.. he’s right. I’m gonna just sit back and watch.

Ms. Lurker: What about me? Rashan has breached his contract with his readers. I need remediation!

Rashan: Remediate these! Don’t you ever in your life send me another email like that. I’ll post when I want to post. I’ll misspell whatever word I misspell. This is my blog! You think you can do better, then how about you get your own blog instead of hassling me about mine.

Ms. Lurker: Well, I never…

Rashan: Yeah, you never… you never commented. You never wrote a post, You never introduced yourself. You don’t have the right to say nothing to me.

Ms. Lurker: Wha—

Rashan: Objection, Judge Wapner!!!

Judge: I give up. I find for the plaintiff. Rashan, you are hereby ordered to post more often. In addition, you have to respond to your comments in a timely manner and be more interesting.

Rashan: Ordered? Word? I don’t do what I’m supposed to do. I’m a rebel, son! Black Power!!!

Judge: You will do what you were ordered to do. Otherwise, I’ll place you in contempt!

Rashan: Old fake judge and her toy cop! You ain’t gonna do nothing to me. What’s the worse that can happen? This old lurker stops coming to my blog? I’m all for that! Go away if you don’t like it. "I don’t need you, let welfare feed you."

Judge: Did you just recite a lyric in my courtroom?

Rashan: Sure did! That’s what I do. I bet you can’t identify it!

Bailiff: Jay Z “Stick to the Script”

Rashan: Aiight, brother. There maybe some hope for you yet. Now if you could just lay off the make up and stop showing out for the Man!!!

Bailiff: Word Up!!!

Ms. Lurker: I’m not coming back to your stupid little blog anymore. I'll just go read Raw Dawg's blog. He appreciates his readers.

Rashan: You’ll be back. They always come back. I'm sure I’ll be seeing your IP address on my site meter quite frequently, reading this post over and over again. How does it feel to inspire such madness?

Ms. Lurker: (blushing) I kind of like it. You so clever.

Judge: Hello, I’m the judge! Both of you need to listen to me.

Rashan: I'm done, son! I'm not gonna sit here and be berated by some old lurking ass lurker and some fake judge.

Judge: Get Out Of My Courtroom!!!

Rashan: Aiight, I'm outta here. But I'm finna take you to Judge Joe Brown. I still ain't get them waings you promised me. I'm suing for breach of contract!!!


(Theme Music Plays)

Yes, I know I took this to the extreme. And no, I'm not mad. I just think it's ridiculous for anyone to try to tell me what to do on my blog. Who does she think she is? Better yet, who does she think I am? Doesn't everybody realize how much of a jerk I can be? LOL

HERE IS THE EMAIL TEXT

Sunday, September 21, 2008 3:27 AM
From:
"Frustrated Blogreader" Add sender to Contacts
To:
visionz74@yahoo.com

Hi, you don't know me, but I've been reading your blogs for a couple of years. I have to say that lately you haven't been delivering like you used to. I don't know if you heart isnt in it anymore, but I don't like your blog like i used to. I only tell you this because I want to give you a chance to to keep me as a reader. Rashan, I think you need to post more often. I used to be able to look forward to reading you blogs every morning at work, but now you only post sporadically. Sometimes you don't even post until I'm already gone from work. You need to post more consistently if your want to keep your readers. I'm sure you noticed that you don't get as many comments as you used to. Mabye if you kept a schedule or managed your time better, people would read more. Also, you ! dont seem to Be trying to entertain us. You used to talk about all kinds of interesting things, now you only bitch about work. Nobody wants to read about that. You supposed to entertain us, but you not doing that. Well, sometimes, but not all the time. You act like you don't appreciate your readers. Without us, you are nothing. I hope you will think about this and start to blog better like you used to when you first started on your other blog. I want to keep reading, but if you don't get it together, I'll just have to find new people to read. Thanks for reading this email.

---A Frustrated Blog Reader

Brett Favre

"This will be my last post. I can't continue on with blogging. There's just too much negativity out there. I don't feel appreciated for what I do. Maybe one day, I'll tell the whole story. But for now I need to focus on the next phase of my life and I can't blog and live at the same time, can I? That's almost as hard as chewing gum and walking. The truth will come out one day and you'll see why I had to fade to black. Too many people that don't know me were judging me and I'm a sensitive soul. I'll miss you guys. You really brought a lot to my life, and I'm sad to be moving on, but I must." - Blogger X upon his/her retirement.

Its not so much that I'm calling you a liar, I'm just saying I don't believe you.


Semantics, I know. In all actuality, I am calling you a liar. Before any lurker out there gets his/her thongs in a bunch, I'm not talking to any ONE person in particular. I'm talking to all of them people that make a show out of quitting blogging, but don't ever go away. It just is annoying when you see this act and you know its not real. We all know you ain't really quitting. Well, let me take that back, I know you ain't quitting. Everybody else doesn't seem to get it. Or maybe they just like stroking egos. That ain't me. Get your confidence boost from them other people begging you to stay. I ain't the one. Besides, I know you gonna come back like Jordan wearing the 45 anyway. Just keep it real with us. You need a break. Okay, then take a break. No need for all the fanfare and dramatics. You, sir or ma'am are an attention whore, just like the majority of bloggers, present company included. There is no way you can stay out of the limelight once you get a taste of it. You ain't hardly fooling me! But if you gon quit, then quit! Peace out, homey! Audi 5000! ABCya! Love Peace and Hairgrease! Shalom! Aloha! Kick rocks (in Jesus Sandals!) Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish! Later, alligator! Catch on the flipside! Hasta La Vista! So long, farewell, Auf Weidersehen, goodbye! Be Swayze! Be outta here... like last year! YOU GET NOTHING! YOU LOSE! GOOD DAY, SIR!!!


While I'm on the subject, let me just keep on alienating people. Do me a favor, bloggers. DO NOT EVER THREATEN TO STOP BLOGGING!!! I'm saying... Are you threatening me? Don't do that! Either stop or don't, but don't drag it out. (Dreamy the Cop, let me make it clear this time. I'm not talking about you. I know you had a good reason. LOL) Let me tell you what I'm gonna do if I see a retirement threat. Remove your link from my favorites, stop reading, and keep it moving. There's way too many blogs out here for me to be trying to talk you out of your supposed "retirement." Just go ahead and do it. Or don't. I don't care one way or the other. You won't get any comments from me begging you to stay. Do your thing!

One more! LOL - Don't call it a comeback? Those posts are just... uggghhh. Really, I won't call it a comeback. It's not a comeback if you take 6 months off and then post one measly post and stop again. That's not a comeback, that's a tease. Quit being a blog tease, people! Here's what I'm gonna do if I see that post: I'm gonna monitor the situation before I invest myself again. If you don't have another post in a week, you stay in the deleted files. I'm not sorry, but that's the way it is. You don't leave the orange juice in the fridge with just a swallow, so don't do the blog that way either. Come back for real, or stay away for real. All this intermittent stuff just gets on my nerves. Crap or get off the pot, nah mean?

Ol' fake retiring, threatening to quit, pseudo comeback having Brett Favre lookin' boy.

Our First Argument

"Rashan, you've changed"

Three little words. Quite simple words, in fact. But these eighteen letters had the potential to mess up a good thing. My first reaction was to become defensive. When I'm on the defense, it usually goes one of two ways: bad or worse. Either I just shut down and disregard what she's telling me, which on its own is bad enough. But I was feeling worse coming on. When worse comes to worse, the jerk comes out. Previously, I would have called it something else, a word that starts with a and ends with hole, but I've been making a conscious effort not to curse as much around her. When I think back no longer than a year ago, I had a potty mouth. I still do to an extent, but not around her. See, I respect her, but word is bond, she's getting on my last nerve. I fought the urge to be "that guy" and simply asked for an explanation.

"What do you mean, baby? How have I changed?"

She spoke in a muted tone, eyes cast downward to avoid my inquisitive glare.

"I mean, you used to think of only me. Now I'm not so sure that you still feel the same."

"What do you mean? We talk daily. If not daily, then at least most days."

"Yeah, but even you have to admit it's not the same."

As usual, she was right. I hate when she does that. Disarms me with proof that I don't always have all the answers. I like to think that I'm always right, even when I'm left, but since I've been dealing with her, I've had to admit far too often to my liking that her way is the right way. This was yet another time where I would have to swallow my pride and acquiesce.

"You're right, baby. Things are different. I don't know how we got here, but I know I'm willing to do whatever it takes to rekindle our relationship."

"It's not that simple. You can't just wave a magic wand and fix this. I've been thinking..."

"No, baby. Hold that thought. Once you put that out there, there is no turning back."

The fear wrapped around me like a blanket on an invalid's legs. I didn't want her to utter those words. There was no way that I was gonna let her go without a fight. We've been through too much in a relatively short period of time to just give up now. I needed her in my life.

"No, Rashan. Relax. I'm not going there. I just think some things have to change. I'm not as happy as I used to be."

"So we are having our first argument, huh? Should I mark the date?"

"That's what I'm talking about right there. You never take me seriously. Here I am trying to pour my heart out to you and you make jokes."

"You used to love my jokes. I remember you told me that was one of the first things that attracted you to me."

"I still love them. I cracked up at your post the other day. But there's a time and place for jocularity. This is not it."

"Okay, baby. Go ahead. I'm listening."

"I feel..."

Here we go. Feelings and stuff. I mean I should have expected it. Its normal in these situations for emotions to get involved. But, I honestly did not ever intend to hurt her feelings or make her feel neglected. I guess like most men, sometimes I do things without thinking about the consequences. By no means do I think I am perfect, but I do think I am perfect for her. Me and her together are unmesswitable, nah mean? Look at that. A year ago, that phrase would have been much more vulgar, but I'm trying. I'm trying to be the man she wants me to be.

"What do you feel, babe?"

"I feel that you need to pay more attention to me."

The defensiveness is bubbling up in me. I want nothing more than to state my argument, but from the tone of this conversation, I realize that is probably not the best tactic. I slump down on the love seat and continue listening.

"You used to be all about me. Along with your sense of humor, that was another thing that attracted me. You were so attentive. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you don't still feel the same way about me, but I need you to show it."

"Yeah, you're right."

"I don't want to be an afterthought in your life. It's like everything else comes first now and then you think of me."

"Yeah, but...

I couldn't help it. I had to say something. I felt like she was maligning my character. I just wanted her to know that she is still an integral part of my life.

"But what? You just got finished admitting that things are different. Were you just saying that? I don't need your platitudes. I don't need you patronizing me."

"I'm not. I swear to you I'm not. I honestly see where you are coming from, but I just think you are making way too big a deal out of this."

"So, now what I feel is not important. Way to be sensitive there, Rashan!"

"You know that's not what I meant."

I'm so not an arguer. I really am all about the solution, rather than the rehashing of the problem. Me and her have never really argued before though, so I'm still learning her rules of engagement. From what I can tell, we have totally different styles of communication. I had no choice but to follow hers.

"What did you mean then? Cuz it sure sounded like you were discounting my feelings and I have to tell you I DON'T LIKE IT ONE BIT!!!"

"You don't have to yell. I'm right here. Can't we discuss this like two rational adults?"

"OH, SO NOW I'M A CHILD!!!!"

"Come on, relax. I'm just saying we've identified the issue, now lets see what we can do to rectify it. What is it that I can do to make you realize that I still care for you the same way?"

"I have to come up with all the answers? You are supposed to be this brilliant guy. That's what you said in your little wack post the other day. You need to find a way to fix this. Use that brain you are always bragging about."

At this point, I felt an unfamiliar twinge in my gut. I don't get mad, but I'm pretty sure that the feeling I was experiencing was anger. I've felt it a few times in my life, like when I swung on Earl at Freaknik 94. But generally, in my 33 years of living, I've found anger to be the easiest emotion to suppress. It doesn't accomplish anything in my opinion. People say I will snap if I don't let it out, but this was not the right time to let it out. I was trying to keep her around; anger would push her away. Let me take a deep breath. No, that's not working. Count to ten. That didn't do it either. "Nam-Myhoho-Renge-Kyo" - Okay, I'm cool!

"Okay, baby. I understand you are upset. I completely get that. Here's what I'm going to do."

"This should be good," she stated sarcastically. I taught her that. Her sarcasm was a direct by product of her being around me.

"I pledge this to you. Starting right now, I'm gonna make you feel like you are important to me again. I can't tell you how, honestly I don't really know that yet, but I'm going to make a conscious effort to make you feel special"

"I've heard that one before."

"Look at this face. Do you see my resolve face?"

"Wait, did you just quote Buffy The Vampire Slayer? You are so odd."

"See, the mere fact that you knew where that quote came from is proof that we are meant to be together. You like what I like, I like what you like. We are one. We can't lose sight of that."

"I guess you are right. I can't believe you got me interested in all your strange interests. How did I get hooked up with someone so incredibly weird?"

"Just lucky, I guess!"

She let out a light chuckle. She tried to hold it in, but I could see that smile, no matter how hard she tried to obscure it. I sensed that we had turned the corner. She was back on my side. I know that I have to do better though. Consider this my wake up call. I don't want to lose her because of laziness. I don't want to lose her because I have new interests. I don't ever want her to feel neglected. I'm trying to keep her around for the long haul, if she'll have me. I dodged a bullet this time, but I guess I have to show and prove.

I can't believe that I just had an argument with my blog. She sure is high maintenance!!! What, did you think I was talking about a person? LMAO!!! I dare you to tell me that was not brilliant! Don't be lying, you know you liked it! Have a good weekend, folks!

Back...

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you I was gonna be incognegro for a couple of days. When I was on IM, I was infamous for doing that all the time. I would just leave mid conversation and then like 12 hours later, remember that I didn't even tell anybody I was gone. No BRB. No Hold Up. Just disappearing in to the ether and then coming back like no one would even notice. This time it was intentional, but, I'm back now. I'll give you all the sordid details later, but suffice it to say I had a good couple of days, and wish it could have lasted longer. But for now, I'm back... Did you miss me? Any answer other than the affirmative will be considered a personal affront and punishable by me bringing down my considerate blog wrath upon you. LOL. Going to take a nap now, and then check out all your blogs later this evening. Hope your week was good! Mine sure was!!! One!

So I Was Wondering... (edited to add my answers)

15 questions about blogging. Feel free to answer some or all of these in the comments. If you wanna name names, its cool. You can even do it anonymously. I should warn you though, that I'm extremely nosy, so I will attempt to match up anon comments with my site meter. I don't wanna do it, but I have a compulsion to do so. LOL Don't worry, I wont tell nobody what I find out.

1. How did you find my blog? Most of you I found from Jameil or Diva.. Some of the people that I've been reading probably come from Tam... if you wanna know about you specifically let me know in the comments

2. How many blogs do you read a day? On a regular day 10, on a catch up day, probably like 20.

3. Do you get mad when people don't comment on your blog daily? nah, I go back and forth on this one though. Sometimes I'm a comment whore, but right now I'm not. I reserve the right to change my mind at any time.

4. Do you need a certain number of comments before you move on to the next post? Nope. I used to have to hit 15 or i would feel the post was wasted. That was on the old blog.

5. Whose blog is the first one you read each day? Jameil, then Diva

6. What are some of your blog pet peeves? Way too many to list. Some are wack poetry, music players that you cant turn off, people that don't post often enough. I could keep going, but I'll stop now

7. Who is the funniest blogger that you read? Magnolia Peach is hilarious..She should post more. Do you feel guilty now? LOL

8. Who has the funniest comments? I'm a go old school with this one. She don't post no more...but I Like Liquor and TV was the most hilarious commenter ever. I wonder where she is now...

9. Without naming names, is there a blog that you read because you feel like you are obligated to, but don't really want to read? Yep, I wont say anything else about that one. LOL

10. Are there any blogs that you lurk on? If so, why don't you comment? I am a lurker to start with. The conditions have to be just right before I'll comment. Like for instance, she probably don't know this, but I used to lurk on Monie's page. I can't remember why I never said anything until she commented here first.

11. You got a blog crush? I don't get those. I'm immune. Instead I'd rather have a real life crush. I got to at least talk to you before that develops.

12. You got a blog beef? Not really, although there are plenty of people that don't like me and the feeling is mutual. No active beef though. I'm very civil with mine. You ignore me, and I'll ignore you.

13. You got a blogger that you wish would stop posting and disappear from the blog world forever (forever ever? forever ever?) - One down, 2 to go...LOL

14. How do you feel about anonymous commenters? I like them as long as I know who they are. Part of the reason I got haloscan so they can still comment even if they have no blog.

15. You tired of me asking questions? Nope, I can get inquisitive all night long. Ask anyone that's ever talked to me. I'm good for getting info out of people without having to share any of my info. LOL

I'll answer some of these later..

Prove It

Somebody told me the other day that I need to comment on more peoples pages because my comments have been slacking. She said that its all about reciprocity. I know that. I been in the game for a minute and I just don't care to follow 40 bloggers everyday like I used to. I'm good with my core group. That being said...

I was on the hunt this weekend for a new blogger. You know, someone that nobody else reads that I could shape and mold into the type of blogger I want them to be. I know that's arrogant and I failed. First of all, its hard to find new bloggers that haven't already been tainted by that blogger that I can't stand. He/she be commenting on everybody's joints. As many new blogs as I read this weekend, no one stood out. I actually found myself reading these blogs with The Smirk. There were certain things that just annoyed me. Most of it was because people were making claims without offering any evidence.



For example, bloggers with names like Pretty Girl, Cutey Pie or Sexxydiva. Those aren't real names, but they are representative of what I saw. How can you sit here and brag about how fly you are without providing any evidence of it? Let me judge your pretty. Post a picture of yourself or something if you are that confident in the way you look. I'm not saying you are lying, but prove it. I'm supposed to believe you are extra fly, but you don't even have a profile picture? Not gonna happen. For all I know you can look like Shabba and Biggies love child.



People that say they are writers were annoying me too. It's like "I'm a writer. Check out my links for information about my novel." Really? Then why is your blog riddled with horrible subject matter with spelling and grammar errors. And I'm not talking about slang or stuff like that. I mean stuff like saying "there" instead of "their." Or consistently switching tenses or perspectives in the same post. And I'm supposed to buy your (self published) novel? You haven't shown me anything that would make me want to spend my loot on your garbage hood fiction novel. Come on with that. You say you are a writer, then prove it.

How about these cats that give out relationship advice? This is both men and women. They tell you how to handle your relationship, give you rules to follow, situations to avoid. But are they married? Are they in a successful relationship? What exactly qualifies you to be giving advice? I need to see "married for 10 years" next to your name before I would even think about accepting your advice. I can mess up my relationship all by myself, thankyouverymuch! And then, half the time, the advice that's given is just basic common sense like "Dont go out with a guy you think is gay" or "don't stay with a woman that slept with your best friend." Where's the insight? You got something profound to say that'll help your readers, then by all means prove it. But until then go ahead and keep your horrible advice.

Man, the gossip blogs. Maybe my heterosexuality prevents me from liking these. Maybe it's my disdain for celebrity worship. Whatever it is, whenever I read some gossip site, I always have the same reaction. "How do you know?" I don't care what they say.. I could make something up right now and have people believing it. Can I get a documented source or something? And why do they have to be so mean about it? I swear if these celebrities didn't exist, then what would your crappy blog be about? Its okay not to like a celebrity, but come on, don't act like you know what goes on in Ush.er's house, or claim to know that Eddi.e Murph.y is boonkie buddies (that's old school Savannah slang for gay dudes. I didn't know how to spell it. LOL) with Joh.nny Gi.ll. You don't know that. You haven't seen it. You are just going by what you read somewhere else. If you do know it, and feel the need to tell everybody about it, then go ahead and prove it. Let me just tell you in advance, unnamed sources are not proof. They are rumors.

Finally, those new bloggers that claim to have so much to say in their first few posts, but then go on an extended hiatus need to prove to me that they can write consistently before I drop a comment on their page. They say they have so much drama to write about, but then don't write for a month. I need them to either delete their pages, or come with a post. I know, they are neophytes and don't know the blog rules yet, but how can they expect me to keep up with them if they only post twice a month. I'll be damned if I cyberstalk their pages everyday while seeing the same old post everyday. Prove to me that you have something to say, and I'll be there. Otherwise, stick to MySpace blogging, cuz nobody reads that crap anyway.

The first person to get offended or try to explain why they do these things in my comments will lose 10 cool points*. I'm so obviously talking about new bloggers. If I've ever left a comment on your page, or you on mine, I'm totally not talking to you. This applies only to the bloggers I am just getting around to read. The ones that will not be reading this post. I'm not out to change the blog world, but just to explain why it was so hard to find a new blogger out there. Are we clear about that? I'm not talking about you (to your face), oh gentle readers. LOL

* Cool Points are a registered trademark of Rashan Jamal and are allocated solely at his discretion. Cool Points are only valid on Beats Rhymes and Life and are non transferable to other blogs. Cool Points can be redeemed for comments, blog luv and shout outs. Cool Kids status contigent on regular posting and commenting. Rashan Jamal reserves the right to revoke cool kids status without further notice. For complete program rules, please refer to previous posts about blogging located on the sidebar.

Let's Try This Again

When I got home from work yesterday, I sat down at the computer and tried to read your blogs, but I couldn't. I tried to write a post, but I couldn't. I tried to even focus but I couldn't. I was so tired that words started to blur together and I think I may have fallen asleep mid sentence on the phone. Not sure. But one thing I do remember is an email I got for the good folks at Ticket.Master... Erykah Badu is coming to Atlanta on 5/23 at the Fox.

You may remember my adventure trying to get the Jill Scott tickets, but there was no problem this time. I've already put my vacation day in (actually I did that yesterday before I even knew she was coming) and bought my tickets (Orchestra row KK) and I'm good to go. Anybody wanna come with? LOL. I have to get ready for work now, but I'll try to give you a substantial post later during my 2 hours of Friday meetings.

Making The Blog Pt 7

I'm too lazy to link all 6 previous posts, just take a look at the label "Making the Blog" for the previous posts.


Rashan (VoiceOver): Confessions… It just got hot up in here. I read things I didn’t expect to hear. I know I asked for it , but I didn’t think they would come that hard! I don’t know how I can cut anybody after that display. They all represented. Let’s see what happens

New Scene: The bloggers are hanging around outside the mansion in the pool area. It’s a warm spring day, so they are in shorts and short sleeved shirts. Jameil is standing next to the grill with her plate waiting for a burger. Desy and Dejanae are dancing and drinking Kremas. The other bloggers are scattered around the yard and swimming pool. The Cha Cha slide plays in the background. Enter Jizzy!

Rashan: What is that? Who playing the Cha Cha Slide in my crib?

Tom Gurl: Technically, we outside the crib.

Rashan: For real, didn’t I just tell y’all bout my smirk. Well take a good look. I’m tripping on this right here.

Diva: Just cuz you can’t dance…

Rashan: I can dance. Didn’t you see me doing the wop, the other day?

Monie: Okay, Okay… we’ll turn it off. Please just don’t dance again.

Rashan: Thanks Monie, *winks* Everybody gather round…

The bloggers gather round Jizzy who is standing on a picnic table.

Confessional:
Magnolia: He had to stand on that table so we can see his wee tail. He’s a short little dude, probably why he tries so hard to be hard.

Resume Scene:

Rashan: Ay, yo! Is everybody here? Where’s Eps?

Everybody looks around

Rashan: Jameil, what’s going on with your team? I don’t accept this tardiness.

Jameil: Where’s the fries, son? You can’t have a burger without the fries.

Rashan: Worry about your frust later Jam. One of your team members ain't here. Jizzy don't like that.

Eps comes running in adjusting his locs...

Eps: Sorry I'm late, Jizzy. But I had a good reason. I just don't wanna talk about it now.

Rashan: Excuse me? It sounded like you were just late and then had the nerve to not even come up with a reason. What's the deal, son? We don;t roll like that on Making The Blog...

Eps: For real, I don't wanna talk about it.

Eps storms off with a mean mug on his face.

Rashan: Jameil, can you handle that for me? Thanks.

Jameil: I got it... people are soooo extra.

Rashan: Now the rest of you...I read all your confessions. I have to say that I'm disappointed...

Confessional:
Stace: What more can he want? I got gangsta with my confession. I know he can't be trippin on me.

Resume Scene

Rashan: That's right. I'm mad disappointed, son! Disappointed I didn't make ya'll do that earlier. Them confessions was on point, yo!

Confessional:
Dejanae: His bootleg ass didn't scare me with that bootleg suspense. I'm saying, he wasn't gonna kick me off this bootleg blog. That would be bootleg.

Diva: Team Diva represented, didn't they?

Rashan: No, doubt. I gotta shout out 3 of y'all especially for putting it all out there. Stace, La and X? You guys really did it big. If I was a nicer blog master, you would be exempt from the next assignment. But, I'm mean, so you still have to do it...

Confessional:
X Factor - Ooooh, he makes me sick. I should have at least gotten a free pass for my confession.

Resume Scene:

Rashan: Team Jameil, what's up? Team Diva kinda wiped the floor with you. What happened?

Desy: They just some freaks, that's all. I don't have stories like that. I'm a virgin.

Rashan: I'm saying you guys did do some confessions, but they were kinda sanitized. I need bloggers that are gonna just put it all out there.

The Goddess: As I recall, your confession wasn't even your confession. How can you talk about us like that?

Rashan: Here we go again. The Goddess always talking like this is a democracy. It's not, this is a Jizzocracy. Not that I have to explain myself, but I did 2 confessions. Wasn't yours late, too?

Jameil reenters the room...

Rashan: What's up with Eps?

Jameil: You are sooo not gonna believe this, but his confession post got him arrested.

Rashan: Word? Where's he at now?

Jameil: There he is...

Eps reenters...

Eps: You got me arrested Jizzy! Had me confessing my crimes and the popo read about it and brought me in for questioning. I had to tell them it was fiction.

Rashan: You made it up?

Eps: Nah, but that's the only way they would let me go. I ain't messing with you no more, Jizzy!

Rashan: You made it to the next round, homey! Now go get you a drink and cool out.

Confessional:
Rashan: Damn, I ain't mean to get nobody locked up. I was just nosy. I knew I shoulda told them to use the word allegedly.

Tom Gurl - That was messed up. I hope they don't come after me for my confession. I was just a kid stealing.

Resume Scene:

Jameil: So, I hear you've been talking about my squad. It's not our fault that Team Diva is all about sex. There are other things to write about.

Rashan: You're right, but come on... Team Diva represented in this battle. And since Jizzy has declared them the winner of the confession competition, Diva gets to pick the next assignment.

Diva: Oh snap... okay, give me a minute to think of something....

Rashan: We'll meet back here in an hour. Everybody enjoy the food and drink but don't get too twisted cuz you are gonna have homework tonight. Go have some fun, get your blue black tan on, you've earned it.

New Scene:
La, Stace and X Factor are at a picnic table drinking. Caesar approaches.

Cannon: Whats good, ladies! Can Cannon rap with you for a minute?

La: Uhh, yeah sure why not.

Cannon - I read your posts and I'm just wondering if any of you need a fix right now. I could stick it in you real quick.

X Factor: The f*ck did you just say to me? Get yo young ass outta here!

Cannon: I'm saying I wont think you a smut jawn or nothing. We all grown, right?

Stace: I think you better go now.

Confessional:
Cannon: Man, I can't f*ckin beleive they fronted on your boy like that. I'm saying I read the blogs. I know what you all about.

La: I can't even get mad. At least he knows what he wants...He aint gonna get it, but at least he ain't a punk about it.

Resume Scene: Pocahontaz, Desy, Dejanae and Monie are talking while sitting by the pool.

Monie: So what do you guys think of Jizzy? I like the way his mind works.

Desy: Jizzy is an ass...Rashan is cool though.

Dejanae: He got a bootleg smart mouth. He's always saying something smart. He's a little strange...and I like it.

Pocahontaz: I like his lips.

Jizzy walks up and the women stop talking...

Rashan: What? Were you guys talking bout me? My spidey sense was going off...

Desy: Not everything is about you, ya know?

Dejanae: I'm grimacing at how concieted you are.

Monie: We were just having girl talk. Nothing much...

Rashan: Aiight then. I can take a hint. I'm out.

The ladies start laughing as Jizzy self consciously looks over his shoulder.

New Scene: R Jizzy is standing on the table again commanding attention. He stumbles a little, but plays it off.

Rashan: Okay gather round. I turn the floor over to one of my illustrious team captains... Opinionated Diva!

Diva: Thanks Jizzy. Your assignment is to write a post called "If I Ruled The Blog World."

THIS IS A REAL ASSIGNMENT. ALL MY MTB BLOGGERS SHOULD WRITE THIS POST!!! ANYBODY ELSE THAT WANTS TO GET IN ON THE FUN IS WELCOME TOO!

Confessional
Pocahontaz: That's my girl right there. Diva came up with a helluva idea...

Resume Scene: Nas and Lauryn Hill "If I Ruled The World" plays in the background.

Diva: The goal of this post is to tell us what you would do if you were in charge. What would you keep? What would you get rid of? Basically, the Blog World is yours to shape and mold. What would you do?

Jameil: Okay, I've already done something like this, so that means I'm exempt right?

Rashan: Team captains don't have to do it, but I think it would be very entertaining. I'm even gonna jump on this and come up with a post as well. Great idea, Diva.

Diva: Of course! Team Diva always shines. *gives side eye to Jameil*

Jameil: We'll see. You know I like to win. You don't remember how I crushed Jizzy in the consecutive posting contest? You can be next, Diva... Oooh, fries!!!

Jameil gets distracted by some french fries, so Jizzy takes over.

Rashan: Anybody got any questions? Good, then hop to it. We'll reconvene on Tuesday. As much as I dig you guys, eventually I'm gonna have to make some cuts. Keep that in mind while writing your posts. Peace!

Commercial Break

Making The Blog Part 6

I posted part 5 on Saturday. Some of you read it, but if you haven't check it out before you read part 6. Here are the links:

Click Here For: Part One, Two, Three, Four, and Five...

We gonna do something a little different this time. The assignment that I give in this part??? I want my MTB bloggers to actually do it in real life. I'll use that post to decide who I'm gonna cut next. That's right, actually write the post that I suggest below. Then I'll read them all and decide who keeps going. Sounds like fun, doesn't it? LOL

When we last left Making The Blog, Jizzy was mad disappointed in his bloggers. Jameil and Diva were about to tell them why...

Resume Scene: Riding on the Marta train.

Jameil: All of you violated the most basic rule of blogging today.

Diva: Yeah, what you did wrong was...

The bloggers are anxiously awaiting the information with nervous looks on their faces. Jizzy steps up.

Rashan: Hold up... don't tell 'em yet. Make these bloggers sweat it out for a minute. Y'all made some money today, huh?

Bloggers nod their heads.

Rashan: Put it in this bag. All of it. Don't count it, just put it in the bag.

Stace: You gon' take our money?

Rashan: Damn right! Don't worry, I'm not gonna keep it. But for real, give it up!

They pass the bag around and everyone puts in their money...

Rashan: Okay, ladies. Tell 'em what they did wrong.

Jameil: For real this time? You not gonna interrupt us again.

Diva: I know, right? All this suspense. This ain't one of your epic 3 part posts. Let us get to the point.

Rashan: Man, What's up with all this backtalk? Don't you know who I'm is? I'm Jizzy!

Diva: I know this much...Jizzy betta calm down before he get jacked up.

Jizzy holds his hands up as if to say, "My Bad".

Jameil: The reason we are so disappointed is that you actually begged people to read your stuff. I can...not... I have no words for how annoying that is.

Diva: Same thing in the blog world. Don't go to people's blogs asking them to read your blog. If they wanna read, they will read.

Rashan: Tell 'em about the emails, son!

Diva: Son? You do realize I'm a woman, right? But yeah, don't be sending people emails asking why they haven't visited your blog. Maybe they have been busy. Maybe they read but didn't have anything constructive to add.

Jameil: Maybe your blog just sucks. Maybe its just so wack, that they never want to abuse their eyes reading such garbage again in their lives.

Rashan: WORD LIFE!!! I'll read when I get ready. And if you ask me to read, then I will not read just out of spite. Blogging is a community. If you comment on my page, eventually I'll comment on your page. But don't try to rush me. Jizzy works on his own time. Jizzy plays by his own rules. Jizzy likes to drink, Jizzy likes to smoke, Jizzy likes to mix Arm and Hammer with his coke...

Epsilonicus: Isn't that a Young Jeezy lyric?

Rashan: My bad, I just got carried away. Do you all get the point, though? DO NOT DO THAT EVER AGAIN!!!

Magnolia: Didn't you tell us to do that?

Rashan: You just gonna blindly do what I tell you to do? You should know by now that this is all a game. You gotta be up on game if you wanna make the blog.

Confessional Cam:
La: Dammit, I knew it. I hate when people do that sh*t to me. Jizzy complained about people that do that on one of my posts. I shoulda followed my instincts.

Desy: I can't believe this idiot. He clearly told us what to do, and now he's mad about it. At the end of the day, he should be mad at himself.

Resume Scene:

Rashan: And now just to teach you all a lesson, I'm taking your money and we gonna make it rain.

Confessional:
The Goddess: Great... Jizzy's going to another strip club. Why doesn't he just find a real girl to deal with.

The train comes to a stop and the Jizzy and his captains lead the bloggers up the escalators onto the streets of Downtown Atlanta. The bloggers follow as Jizzy pimpwalks down the street. Fat Joe's "Make It Rain" plays in the background.

Rashan: Y'all ready to make it rain? You wanna see how Jizzy does it.

Tom_Gurl: Not particularly... no!

Rashan: It's gonna be legendary! You gonna enjoy this.

Diva: Umm. Are you sure about this? A lot of these ladies don't wanna see this.

Rashan: It's necessary. They need to know what Jizzy is all about.

Jameil: It's pretty sleazy down here though.

Rashan: It's cool, ladies. They gonna enjoy watching me make it rain.

Confessional:
Dejanae - When we got to the door, I was like "what kind of bootleg strip club is this?" It just didn't look right.

Monie: I couldn't believe that Jizzy was taking us here. It's real disrespectful to subject us to that.

Resume Scene: Jizzy opens the door and...

Confessional:
Cannon: Sh*t, this ain't no f*cking t*ttie bar... I thought we was gonna see some naked h*es!

Resume Scene: The camera reveals that it is a homeless shelter. Women and children are sitting around on cots. Homeless people are in line for food. Crystal Water's "She's Homeless" plays in the background.

Rashan: You thought I was gonna take y'all to a strip club, right? Jizzy is full of surprises. I'm gonna take all that money you earned today and donate it to the homeless.

Jameil: Its all about giving back. That's what we do in my sorority...SIGMA GAMMA RHO!!!

Diva: We just wanted you all to know that Making the Blog isn't all bright lights and glamour. It gets serious sometimes too.

Rashan: We are gonna help out here today. In addition to donating this nice chunk of change, I want you all to volunteer in anyway that they can use us.

Confessional:
Pocahontaz: Aww, Jizzy has a heart. I had no idea.

X Factor: This was right up my alley. I love volunteering for a good cause. You guys should check out my cancer walk on May 3rd. WRITERS NOTE: This is not blog advertising because its for a good cause. Much Props, Monique!

Resume Scene: The camera shows the bloggers interacting with the homeless, serving food and playing with children...Montage Style. "That's What Friends Are For" plays over the scene. Several bloggers are tearing up, including Jizzy. They leave the homeless shelter getting hugs from the kids.

Jameil: You crying, son?

Rashan: Nah. I mean, Jizzy don't cry.

Diva: Yeah, he crying! It's okay, some dudes are just sensitive.

Rashan: Nah, I got homeless dirt in my eyes. I'm not affected by this. I'm from the mean streets of Savannah, GA! Ain't no tears in the C-Port City!

Confessional:
Rashan: I can't front. It was just beautiful seeing all of us come together to help out. It's rough seeing kids in that shelter. You know Jizzy loves the kids!

New Scene: Back at the house. The bloggers are hanging out in the living room, lounging, drinking and chatting. Enter Jizzy again with Jameil and Diva.

Rashan: I hope everybody got something out of todays activity. I wanted to let you know that its okay to have a heart in your blog. I mean, sometimes we get so caught up in being funny, that we forget to show real life in our blogs. I'm guilty of it myself. I'm so sarcastic that people don't get to see the side of me that takes things seriously.

The bloggers nod their heads in agreement.

Rashan: That being said, we still got work to do. This is about making the blog, and now I need to see what you got. Are you ready for your next assignment? Diva, Jameil... I need you guys to do this one too.

Diva: But we are the captains...we aren't supposed to be actually working.

Jameil: I already post everyday. What more do you want from me?

Rashan: Chill... just hear me out! Todays assignment is gonna be a tough one. It's so hard that I'm going to give you all until the end of the week to complete it. I call this one...Confessions!

Usher's "Confessions Pt 2" plays.

Confessional Cam:
Epsilonicus: Confessions? As soon as I heard that, I had a pretty good idea where Jizzy was going with this one.

WRITERS NOTE: This is the part that I want you all to do in real life. It's like a tag, but not really. Anybody else who is not part of Making The Blog that wants to do it should feel free too. This should be fun.

Resume Scene:
Rashan: That's right: Confessions. I want you all to write a blog post detailing something that no one but the closest people know about you. It can be in any form you want. You can tell about a time when you did something you weren't particularly proud of. You can write about a crime you committed, or just some secret that no one knows. You can be as vague or as descriptive as you choose, but I need to be able to understand not only what you did, but the impact your actions had. Any questions?

Stace: So, basically... you just want to be nosy.

Rashan: Well, that is part of it, but I think it really makes for compelling blogging when people reveal themselves. I would never ask you to use real names, although if you want to that's fine. I only ask that you not be too cryptic, and keep it real with the blog world.

La: What about you? You are asking us to bare our souls... will you do the same?

Rashan: Hey, now! I'm making this blog. I don't do homework. I never did it in school and I'm not about to start now.

Jameil: It's only right that you share with us too.

Bloggers all chant in unison: Do it, too! Do it, too!

Jizzy starts sweating and wipes his forehead with a white towel. The chanting continues...

Bloggers: Do it, too! Do it, too!

Rashan: Aiight, Aiight! I'm in. You'll get my confession later this week.

Diva: This should be good. You should tell that story you told me the other day.

Rashan: Nah, can't tell that one. But I'll come up with something. Remember, this assignment is due by Friday. If you don't do it, it's pretty much guaranteed that you will not be making the blog.

Confessional:
Rashan: What have I started here? This should be mad interesting. I can't wait to read what people come up with. I'm gonna get out of here and think about my confession. Until the next episode of Making The Blog, I wanna say: PEACE! AUDI 5000!

Closing Credits.

Making The Blog Pt. 5

I tried to recreate what I wrote the other day. It may not be as funny cuz I'm wide awake now as opposed to Thursday night when I was high off of benadryl. Anyway, here is Making The Blog, part 5...

Click Here For: Part One, Two, Three and Four...


Last we saw- Rashan was about to unleash his master plan that would essentially weed out the weakest members of the teams.

New Scene:
Rashan walks in decked out in his vintage yellow fubu hoodie adorned by his Armani blazer lookin extra fresh. He stops in front of the camera, removes his Gucci shades and just smiles at the ladies. Jameil walks around him shaking her head and Diva follows mushing Rashan in the head.

Diva: Come on bighead. Nobody wanna see all dat. And I don't have all day to wait for this. Can you get to it please?

Rashan gives the side eye and regains his swag.

Diva: What I tell you about men giving the side eye, Jizzy? That was mad soft.

Rashan: Alright bloggers, it's time to truly test your dedication to this competition. If you thought it was hard before, you haven't seen nothing yet.


Confessional Cam
Tom_Gurl: The suspense was killing me. I wish Jizzy would just come out with it.

Resume Scene:
Rashan: So in true MTB fashion we are gonna split these teams up even further and see what you are made of. Y'all know I'm obsessed with the Utterz joint, right? Now we gonna get to hear what all of you sound like. I want you to do a voice post for me... but there's a twist.

Bloggers look around at each other wondering what Jizzy has in store

Confessional Cam:
Pocahontaz: For real, all this waiting is driving me crazy, just tell us what we have to do.

Rashan: The next challenge is gonna require some real stamina. Do you guys think you have what it takes complete what I have in store?

Jameil: Can we stop all this suspense building and just cut to the chase please?

Rashan: Fine. This isn't gonna be just for me. Each team is gonna have to stand and recite their posts at the Five Points Marta station. Your goal is to collect money so that you can hike yo' ass up to Subway and get me a Tuna Footlong Sub- no combo necessary. To make it into a real challenge, you'll need to recite your posts while holding your laptops. Any questions?

Silence

Confessional Cam
Monie: This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. I hate those voice posts. Most people read at work and can't even hear the damn things. But I'll do it, I guess.

Resume Scene:
Rashan: Alright then. I forgot to tell you the best part... Y'all going head to head in this joint. Straight competition style. Diva, let these cats know who they will be facing.

Diva: It's gonna go down like this:

Caesar vs. La
The Goddess vs. Monie
Magnolia vs. X Factor
Tom Gurl vs. Epsilonicus
Desy vs. Pocahontaz
Dejanae vs. Stace

Jameil: Everybody get to work. The funnier your voice post is, the more money you can collect for Jizzy's Tuna Sub fund.

New Scene: 5 points train Station - Downtown Atlanta
The camera shows passengers waiting for their train. A few are listening to iPods. A couple are reading books. Guys in baggy jeans are trying to chat up girls in hotel uniforms. Trains whiz by.

Jameil: Okay, guys we are here. You'll have 3 hours to recite your posts for as many people as possible. Remember..Jizzy is always watching.

Diva: No, really. He's watching. He told me a story about how he likes to watch. It disgusted me. Pervert!!!

Confessional Cam:
Rashan: I'm saying... I like to watch. How does that make me a perv? I'm a visual creature...

Resume Scene:
The bloggers are grouped in pairs approaching people in the train station trying to read their blogs to them. Caesar approaches a lady in a business suit. Her face is blurred because she wouldn't sign the release to use her image.

Caesar: Excuse me, lady. Can I have a minute of your time?
Lady: I got to go.
Caesar: I'm saying, you waiting for the train. It ain't here yet. Lemme read you something.
Lady: Leave me alone.

Confessional:
Caesar: That f*ckin lady was a racist. She sees a young Black man and immediately thought I was gonna rob her. She coulda listened for a minute.

Resume Scene: La is sitting on a bench in front of the Northbound train. 2 young guys walk up to her.

1st guy: Hey, shawty. What yo name is?
La: I'm La!
2nd guy: What you doing sitting over here by yourself. You want some company?
La: Sure, come on.

Confessional:
La: Normally, I would never talk to these clowns, but I need to read my post to as many people as possible, so I'll put up with them.

Resume Scene: La is faux flirting and reading the blog to the guys. They leave and she holds up a $20 bill at the camera.

Confessional:
La: (laughing) Guys are so easy... I didn't even have to ask for it.

Resume Scene: Dejanae and Stace are on the eastbound train platform. Dejanae approaches a tall brotha with locs.

Dejanae: I'm a read you some poetry, man...
Loc Brotha: Cool, my sister.

Camera shows her reading her blog. The brother is enthralled.

Loc Brotha: My sista, that was enlightening. Let me bless you with one of my pieces.
Dejanae: Nah, that's okay. I gotta go now.
Loc Brotha: My Black Queen...Deep as the Euphrates...Hot as the Serengeti....

Confessional
Stace: God, I hate this wack poetry jam. I can't believe people are really into this. But I know what I have to do...

Resume Scene:
Stace: (poetically) Dreaming of a Black Prince/to penetrate my defense/it may not be common sense/but the Black love is immense...

A crowd starts forming around Stace, Dejanae and the loc brotha... They nod their heads to Stace's mock poem. People start putting dollars in hat.

Confessional:
Dejanae: I can't believe they were falling for that bootleg poetry. That sh*t wasn't even real.

Stace: People are like my kindergarten class. I talked to them like they were kids and they ate it up. Did I mention I hate wack poetry? But it worked for me.

Resume Scene: A montage of all the other bloggers approaching passengers, some successfully, others with no luck. Jay-Z's "Excuse Me, Miss" plays in the background. (Get it, cuz they are talking to strangers. LOL) As the song ends, Jizzy walks in the train station flanked by his entourage...

Rashan: Ay, yo! Time's up, bloggers. Everybody gather around...

Confessional:
Desy: I know I made a lot of money out here. I just don't know if I got more than Pocahontaz. She was talking to everyone about all the latest celebrity gossip. People love gossip.

Resume Scene: Everybody hops on a train. The doors close and the camera shows all the bloggers sitting down. R. Jizzy is standing up in the center of the train.

Rashan: I rented out this train so I could talk to y'all about today's assignment. Today, you had to read your blogs to anybody that would listen and collect money for it. How'd y'all do?

X Factor: I did pretty good. People are surprisingly generous.

Rashan: So, you think you can blog for money?

X Factor: I don't know about that, but it was nice.

Rashan: Right, Right! I hear that. But for real... I'm mad disappointed in all of you though...

Bloggers look confused.

Epsilonicus: What'd we do wrong? We just did what you told us to do.

Rashan: Y'all really don't know what you did wrong? You just gonna sit here and act like you don't know. That's what's hot in the streets? Yo, Jam! Yo, Diva!

Jameil: Wassup, Jizzy!

Diva: Don't "yo" me!

Rashan: My bad... Ladies, you wanna tell them what they did wrong today?

Confessional:
The Goddess: I can't even imagine what they are gonna say? All I know is that I did my assignment correctly.

Magnolia Peach: Here comes Jizzy and his mind games. I wish he would just say what he means for once...

Resume Scene:
Jameil: I sure will... All of you violated the most basic rule of blogging today.

Diva: Yeah, what you did wrong was...

Cut to commercial...

Blogger Ate My Post...Now What?

Mobile post sent by Rashan Jamal using Utterz. Replies. mp3

For all of you utterz challenged folks... Blogger ate my post. I wrote Part 5 of Making The Blog last night, went to publish it and then got a crazy error message. I went back to my drafts to republish it and that joint was nowhere to be found. I'm about to hop on the leaving Blogger bandwagon. It's always down when I go to lunch at work, the only time I really can read and comment during the day. That's why you always see me commenting in the wee hours of the morning. I get home and wind down and then I comment. Since my real post is gone, I'm just typing on the fly in hopes that I can come up with something interesting to write about. I don't have the energy to recreate the madness that went into Making The Blog right now. Oooh, here's something interesting...

How many bloggers phone number's do you have? How many have yours? Do you talk to them outside of the blog world on a (semi) regular basis? How do you know when its okay to talk offline? Is there a blogger that you think it would be cool to talk to, but dont want to initiate it because they might get the wrong idea? Do you just keep the blog world and real world completely separate? Let me be the first to answer those questions...

I currently have 3 bloggers phone numbers. One I talk to regularly, the other I talk to from time to time, and the other I've only talked to once or twice. These are the current bloggers I mess with it. If we go back to the old blog when I was Mr. Popularity, I think it would have been another 7 or 8. Since they don't like me anymore, I don't know if they still have my number and I know I have deleted quite a few numbers from my phone. I've had the same phone number for damn near 8 years, so they can still reach me if they want to. As far as how I knew it was okay to talk to them offline, it varied. One just didn't strike me as the crazy type, so I knew it would be okay. I had to tell her a story that couldn't fully be encapsulated in an email, so I called and gave her the details. The other, I was a little nervous about when I gave her my number because I didn't know what to expect. It turned out to be cool though. There is a blogger that I think I could be friends with, but I haven't exchanged phone numbers with her because I don't want her to think I'm trying to holla at her and start giving me the side eye. LOL As far as keeping the two worlds separate, I did that for the last year, but now I'm cool with sharing the real me with my blog family again.

What do you know? I somehow managed to make a real post out of nothing, but this doesn't work unless I get feedback from you. Go head and answer them questions for me and satiate my unnatural nosiness curiosity. If you are braver than me, go ahead and name names too. Check back on Saturday for Part 5 of MTB. Peace!

Making The Blog Pt 3

When we last left Making The Band, R. Jizzy was about to go off on somebody for something. Lets rejoin our show to see what happens next. Also if you missed the first 2 parts, they are linked below.

Part 1

Part 2

Making The Blog Part 3

Rashan: It’s come to my attention that one of you is sleeping with the enemy! Playing with my money. Playing with my money is like playing with my emotions. C Big Worm 1995.

Crowd murmurs.

Rashan: So know you gonna act like you don’t know what I’m talking about? Huh, that’s what's hot in the streets now? Feigned ignorance?

Jameil: Uh, maybe instead of acting like people can read your mind, you should just say whats up.

Diva: Co sign with Jameil…

Rashan: Aiight, you wanna know whats up? I heard one of you cats is with already signed to another blogger service. Knowing Blogger is the label that paaaays me? Who is it? Step up now or forever hold your piece, yo!

Goddess: That’s me, Jizzy!

Rashan: You wanna explain this to me? You think that’s cool to be all up on blog city. Betraying me and ish?

Goddess: I’ve been with them for years. Its no reflection on Blogger, but I can’t just ditch them when I haven’t even made the blog. Besides…

Rashan: What!?!

Goddess: Besides I can..

Rashan: What!?!

Goddess: I can still..

Rashan: What!?!

Diva: Let her talk, bighead!

Rashan: Come on, you know you aint supposed to call me that in mixed company. But go head Goddess, please explain yourself.

Goddess: I have a blogger account too. I can still comment on everybody’s pages. Ask Tam!

Rashan: Aiight, I'll look into that. Now fall back into line.

Goddess: For real, I know you think you the man, but don’t make me get The God up here to handle you.

Rashan: The God? That big dude? Nah, I’m good. My bad, Goddess…

Confessional Cam :

DJ Diva: Jizzy is drunk with power. He needs to reign that in a little.

Magnolia Peach: How he gonna front on my teammate like that? And then back down like a big beyotch. I was dying.

Cut back to scene:

Rashan: Okay, now that we got all that out the way. We gonna have another assignment. I want you to work with your team captains to make this post as good as it could be.

Here’s your assignment (AGAIN..You don’t have to actually do it. LOL)

Love, like and lust are big topics in the blog world. I want you to write a post about someone that you are crushing on. It could be a celebrity, another blogger, yours truly (ladies only) or just some man/woman from round the way. The more descriptive the better. I’ll give you until tomorrow before its due. I wanna warn you though. I’m not taking any excuses. If its not done, you can bet that you are outta here. That’s my word!!!

Jameil: Anybody have any questions?

Tom_Gurl: What if you are already with someone? Can I write about Soldier?

Jameil: You sure can. Just make sure that it comes across that you are still crushing.

Diva: Anybody else? No, okay. Well you have all night, but don’t procrastinate Cuz it’ll be due before you know it.

Rashan: Aiight, peeps. We’ll reconvene here tomorrow. One!

Confessional Cam:

Monie: I'ont know what I'm gonna write about yet. I got all night though.

Scene changes... La, Stace, X Factor and Joy are sitting around the bar talking. Opinionated Diva is sitting on the couch with the rest of her team, who are feverishly typing away on their laptops.

Confessional Cam:

Diva: See I knew it was gonna be some trouble. All of Jameil's friends are isolating themselves. Talking when they should be writing. I need to nip this in the bud right away.

Resume Scene:

Diva: Hey ladies! How's the post coming? You guys finished yet?

X Factor: No, not yet. I'll get to it in a few.

Diva: Maybe you should do your work first, then catch up with each other.

La: Don't worry about us. We got this under control.

Diva: Didn't you just go an entire week without posting anything new. I'm just trying to make sure our team represents.

The Joy: I didn't know my moms was gonna be up in here. We grown. I know what I need to do.

Stace: She out her futhamuckin' mind...The YFF doesn't need anyone to tell her what to do.

Diva: YFF?

ALL: Young, Flashy and Fly!!!

Confessional Cam:

Diva: I have half a mind to just let them fail. I don't need attitudes like that on my team. I'm from Brooklyn, son! I don't play that.

New Scene: Jameil is reading a blog looking very worried. Caesar walks in.

Jameil: Hey, I wanted to talk to you about your post.

Caesar: That sh*t was hot wasn't it?

Jameil: Uhh, that stuff was not hot. It wasn't even tepid. You can't say this kind of stuff.

Caesar: What do you mean?

Jameil: Read this line... Do you think its appropriate to describe your crush this way?

Caesar: (reading) "Yo, this f*cking chick is so g*ddamn bad!" What's wrong with that?

Jameil: You don't see it?

Caesar: I'm from Philly. That's how we talk.

Jameil: Lawd Jesus. Somebody help me out. Desy, come here. Read this and tell me if you think something's wrong with it.

Desy: "Yo, this f*cking chick is so g*ddamn bad!" Caesar, sweety, what's up with the colorful language? You can make this sound so much better if you stop cursing so much.

Jameil: Thank You!

Caesar: I don't see what the big deal is. You curse too. Everybody in here curses, except for the blog prude.

Desy: Yeah, but you have way too many curse words in here. Just try to write one post without sounding like you on Def Comedy Jam. Do it for me, please? *bats eyes*

Caesar: Okay for you, I'll try it.

Confessional Cam:

Jameil: What was that? Did you just see that blatant flirting going on? I hope this doesn't affect my team.

Caesar: For real, if I had to pick one blogger to be trapped on a deserted island with, it'd be Desy. If she wants me to stop cursing, I guess I can try.

Resume Scene:

Jameil: Where's Minerva? Anybody seen Minerva? People lets get this thing together. Jizzy will be back in a few hours and we need to make sure we are finished.

Confessional Cam:

Dejanae: Everybody is all rushing and ish to impress Jizzy, or Raashan or whatever his name is. I ain't even worried. He gonna be all right. I got his number. I know what he likes. He gonna be sweating my post.

New Scene: It's now morning. The camera pans to show the sun rising and rush hour Atlanta traffic, white people outside jogging, and other signs that its early in the AM. R. Jizzy comes downstairs, wearing the infamous yellow hoodie and a stocking cap.

Rashan: Oh, sh*t! I forgot all y'all was up in my crib. Never mind, how's everybody doing this morning? Y'all finished your homework?

*grumbles from contestants*

Rashan: Oh, y'all wanna act first thing in the morning like you don't wanna be here. That can be arranged, you know? Lemme go get dressed, and then I'll deal with you. I know this much, I better see some better attitudes when I get back...

Confessional Cam:

Rashan: I try to be cool with them, but I don't know if they getting the message. I might just have to test them to see who really wants to be here. This really ain't a game. Making the Blog is dead serious, yo! I got an idea of how to see who really wants to be here. It might be a little mean, but I think its necessary for the well being of my blog. I can't wait for it to go down...

Commercial

Making The Blog Pt 2.

I wrote this at work, on my Microsoft Outlook with the screen minimized so please excuse any typos. I tried to correct them, but I'm sure I missed one or three here or there. Anyway, to reiterate...you do NOT have to do any of the tasks I assign, but if you do, I'll love you that much more. LOL.

24 Hours Later...

X Factor: Where’s Jizzy? He told us to be done in 2 hours now he’s nowhere to be found.

Epsilonicus: I been checking back in his office for the past day, and he’s not there. He’s so unreliable.

Camera cuts to R. Jizzy – sitting in a barber chair getting a line up.

Desy: I can’t believe he had us do all this work and didn’t even bother to show up. Where he at?
He's such an idiot!

Camera cuts to R. Jizzy at a club with a stack of ones.

La: I finished my homework hours ago… Where da f*ck is he? I hate it when people don't show up when they are supposed to.

Camera cuts to Jizzy…flanked by Jameil and Diva. He’s walking while taking on his cell phone.

Rashan: What’s da deal, people? You good?

(various grumbling…followed by one anonymous loud voice asking about his whereabouts.)

Rashan: Ay yo, son! For real? You gonna question me? Who said that sh*t! Whose blog is this kid? This is my ish you tryna make. Don’t ever in your life fix your mouth to question Jizzy! Jizzy runs this. Jizzy is the man round here…

Diva: Calm down, Rah! She ain't know no better.

Jameil: Jizzy is so exxxxttttaaaa!!!

Rashan: Aiight, I’m good. But for real…Trust that Jizzy knows what he’s doing….Jameil, tell them the point.

Jameil: Okay, people. You know how you guys felt waiting for Rah-shan to come back today? You were mad that he left you hanging like that, weren’t you?

(everybody agrees. Nods heads)

Jameil: Well, that’s how it feels when you post sporadically. People come to count on us bloggers to get through the day. How many times have you gone 7 days without a new post? It’s not cool, people.

Diva: If you wanna make the blog… there is no room for slacking off.

Rashan: That's right, Diva! No slackassness!

Rashan: Everybody repeat after me: THERE WILL BE NO SLACKASSNESS ON BLOGGER!!!

(Everybody tentatively says it)

Rashan: YOU BETTER SAY IT, FOOLS!!!

Everybody: There will be no slackassness on Blogger!!!

Rashan: Say it again...

Everybody: There will be no slackassness on Blogger!!!

Rashan: Chuuuch!!!

Jizzy stomps his feet and then breaks out into the wop, followed by the prep, and the running man.

Rashan: Whooo!!!! That’s what I like to hear….Jameil take over, cuz I need to sit down somewhere.

Jameil: Did everyone finish their assignment? I’ll ask that you post them and then give us some time to read it.

Diva: Oh, and surprise for you. No one's going home. We just wanted to see what we were working with. I hope you all work well under pressure, b/c that’s what this blog is all about.

Jameil: Do you think I want to post everyday? Sometimes its like I’m just doing it to prove that I'm better than R. Jizzy and not cuz I want to. But I still do it . That’s a lot of pressure.

Diva: So, before we read your posts, let's show you where you will be living through out this process. Jizzy, you got your wind back yet?

Rashan (wiping sweat with a towel and drinking a Powerade): Yeah, I’m good. Thanks ladies for holding me down.

(turns to bloggers)

Rashan: Y’all wanna see the crib? Come on and follow me!

Camera pans to Diddy, followed by Jameil and Diva and the 16 bloggers…

They walk out the door of the library and head towards a waiting tour bus adorned with Rashan’s picture and the making the blog logo.

Rashan: Y’all like my buses? That’s the hotness right there. Hop on .

The bloggers get on the bus and the camera shows them talking and shows highway signs. Exit 42 - Memorial Drive , Exit 27 - GA 400, Buckhead….

The buses pull up at a mansion on West Paces Ferry.

Rashan: This y’all crib, yo! Go head and make yourself at home. Welcome to Atlanta!!!

The bloggers run in jumping up and down checking out all the sights.

WRITERS NOTE: I meant to describe the crib, but I forgot. I'll add descriptions to another part of the post. Sorry.

Pocahontas: This ish is bananas, can we pick our own rooms.?

Rashan: I don’t care who you room with as long as you don’t come up on the third floor. That’s Jizzy world. That’s where the magic happens. That’s where all great blogs come from.

Joy: Uhh..okay.

Rashan: Oh yeah, and don’t drink the lactaid milk. Jizzy is lactose intolerant.

Second 68: Cool. Let’s do this.

Camera cuts to an empty darkened room… Jizzy, Jameil and Diva are sitting in the dark conversing. You can’t make out whats being said, but you know it's not good. The screen is green like your looking through night vision… R. Jizzy is wildly gesticulating. Diva and Jameil are nodding their heads in agreement. They walk out together and meet up with the bloggers…

Rashan: We gotta problem here! One of you cats got the game mixed up. One of you are trying my gangsta… One of you is trying to demoisturize my situation. We need to handle this right now…

(everybody looks at each other. Random camera shots of shocked looking bloggers. Camera back on R. Jizzy)

R. Jizzy: Which one of you potential bloggers....

Cut to commercial…