Mini-Me

Spell check still ain't working and I'm way too lazy to proof read. I'm not getting paid for this, ya know? LOL

What's happening, people? I took a couple of days off from my computer so now I'm just getting back to the blogging grind. Don't curse me out, I'm not blog breaking, it was just for a weekend. And what a jam-packed weekend it was. There was Su.per Bo.wl, in which the Gi.ants represented and sent those damn cocky Pat.riots to defeat. There was the time I spent with my little 3 month old nephew this weekend, the marathon phone conversations I had and wait... there was something else I was supposed to tell you about. Oh well, I can't remember what it is...

I'm playing. Of course I have to tell you about the blind date. Saturday evening I made good on my bet and hung out with the blind date, who shall henceforth be known as Mini-Me. No, she's not a midget, we all know I am afraid of them, but as the story proceeds you'll understand why I've attached that moniker to her. I did take all of your advice under advisement, and after speaking with her, I decided that we would go to L.oca Lu.na (it looks a little different than the website since they just changed locations). It's the sister lounge of the spot I go to with my friends all the time. That way if she likes the place, but does not like me, I won't have to worry about seeing her in my spot. See, I be thinking. Our plans were to meet at 9:00. I still wasn't sure if I would recognize her, because of the faraway picture, but once I got there I realized it should be too much of a problem. There weren't too many Black faces in the crowd, lots of Latins and Asians, with the requisite White faces too. Given my propensity for getting lost, I allowed enough time to arrive early, even in the case of a few inevitable wrong turns. I got there at 8:35.

I chilled at the front for a few, when Mini Me (her real name is the same as my favorite deceased R&B songstress) called and said she had arrived. I met her by the door and we exchanged pleasantries. We still had some time before our table was ready, so we made our way to the bar. I ordered a traditional caipirinha while she had a mojito. It was her first one ever, and she was very impressed with it. It was good to know that she wasn't a teetotaler. (I put that word in there just for you. LOL) I seem to always get hooked up with women who don't drink and don't want me to drink either.

We held an awkward conversation for a few minutes. I guess we were both trying to figure each other out. It got better as we sat down at our table and ordered some tapas. We conversed about a myriad of topics. I noticed that she seemed to be agreeing with everything I was saying. Here a few examples of things we had in common: She loves to laugh - which is perfect when you are around me. I like just about nothing more than laughter. Her favorite TV show is "Lost" - That's in my top 2. She loves old school hip hop music - you know that's me. She likes to stay home most of the time - yeah, me too. Favorite movie - Fight Club (although she also likes The Color Purple which I have yet to complete) - I love that movie too. She is a writer like me, she went to an HBCU like me, I could go on and on since as we further engaged in conversation, there were a lot more similar interests that came up. It was almost like I was out on a date with myself. Thus her nickname: Mini-Me. I'm older and bigger, so she gets to be the Mini, while I am the original.

One of things that most impressed me about Mini-Me was that she seemed to have her priorities in order. We talked about her son and how she doesn't let anyone meet him unless they are serious. She's involved in his education, and has a good relationship with his father. The kid is with his father every other weekend, and that's the only time she will go out. So much for inviting her to the Jill Scott concert (its on the wrong weekend.) I can respect that especially after dating some other women, who see their kids less than the grandparents and will do anything to get away from them.

We had a few more drinks and some eats, listened to the latin band that was playing (I had no idea what they were saying, but they were good) and then it was time to call it a night. Only, it was still kind of early. We decided to talk and get to know each other more at a bookstore close to where she lives that was open late. I followed her to the spot which was in my old hood, before I moved to the eastside. We passed the time, chatting and browsing through books, cracking jokes about the horrible hood fiction, perusing the photography books (one of her hobbies... kinda me too. Except, I only take pictures of myself. LOL). We ended the night with a hug (nothing too provocative, but not quite a church hug), and a tentative plan to get together in two weeks. It was a pretty good date. Sorry, no drama to speak of. I'm not in love at first sight, but I'm also not running away. We'll see what happens.

At this point, you are probably waiting for one of my overly drawn out descriptions of her physical appearance. You know the ones, where I reveal my inner stalker by noticing way too much about a person? I'm not gonna do that tonight. I'm a little tired right now, so maybe I'll do that one later. Suffice it to say, that she was attractive and all my worrying about the vague picture were all for naught. I had a good time, inspite of my initial apprehension. I'll be sure to tell you about date #2, if and when it happens. Happy Monday, Everybody!!!

P.S. - GO GIAN.TS!! I'll not like them again, next year, but I appreciate them getting that victory! That was one of the most exciting Sup.er Bow.ls in recent memory. I just about lost my voice screaming at the TV. How about I went to a Su.per Bo.wl party that ended up being just me and the maybe-weds? How is that consid.ered a party? It was all good, but really, I'm a need them to invite more people next time, or perhaps I'll host the next one. Wait, that would require people knowing where I live. Scratch that. Next year, I'm going to Scores!

Let's Keep It Real...What's Wrong With You?

Note: Spell check is not working for some reason, so if you notice more errors than usual, I apologize.

"Let's keep it real...What's wrong with you?"



Now, I know that sounds like something I would say, but for once the smartassedness was coming from someone else. Blind Date (I really need to think of a cool blog name for her) asked me that tonight, a little after I posted that sorry excuse for a post yesterday. I talked to her during my lunch trying to get a feel for her. Imagine my surprise when she skipped all the small talk and went for the jugular. I know what's wrong with me, but I don't know if its such a good idea to let her know yet. Lemme at least see her first before I start in on my own personal therapy session. No need for getting all pyromaniac with the bridges before I even meet her.



Let me correct what I just said. I think I know what's wrong with me, but there could be a whole lot more that I don't see. Because I usually remain on good terms with my exes, I've been able to find out some things that I did wrong in the past, so I can correct them in the future. Here are some of the mistakes I've learned about in the course of my relationship postmortems.



I don't give compliments: I've come to realize that this one is true and tried to rectify it One girlfriend told me that every woman likes to hear that they are beautiful. Yep, my bad. As I think back on my past relationships, I can see that I had been neglectful in this area. On the bright side, now that I know, I make a conscious effort to be complimentary.



I'm not affectionate: This is old news. The old Rashan wasn't one for PDA. I was retiscent of being one of those lovey dovey types that make everybody sick. I didn't realize that I could just hold her hand and accomplish the affection goal. I dont have to be extra with it. Now I take the cue from the woman. If she is into it, then I'm down. If she is one of those private types, I'm all for that.



I don't respond well to ultimatums: True again. I don't respond well to ultimatums. I feel that is the single most ridiculous thing that women do. Either I do ____ or you will do ____. You can't force someone to do what you want them to do. They should either do it because they want to, or because they realize that it will make you happy. Either way, the decision must be theirs, or to be more accurate, mine. Ultimatums will often backfire with me. I'll usually choose to do the opposite of what is requested of me. It's not done intentionally, but it's done nonetheless. I can't be forced into anything. I know all about compromise, and I can do that in a relationship, but it needs to be my choice to compromise, otherwise it cant truly be considered to be a compromise, rather bowing down to threats.



I am too nonchalant: I've been told that I don't show enough emotions. That I sometimes seem like I don't care. That I can turn my emotions on and off on cue. I don't know how to fix this one. I have an icebox where my heart used to be. I'm guarded. I'm defensive. I refuse to get hurt anymore. So, maybe that does make me nonchalant. If I do care, for the most part, I'm not gonna show it until its shown to me. That dreaded L word shall nary cross my lips again, until I'm sure that its mutual. No putting me in a submissive position. But given my history, I know when the right one comes around, I'll go at it full blast in hopeless romantic mode again.



I don't remember the little things: I got this one covered. I used to be the guy that would only give flowers on birthdays, or cards on Valentines day. I got the message loud and clear from one of my exes. She told me that it doesn't have to be anything extravagant, just let me know that you are thinking of me, every now and again. I'm all good with this one now, but I guess it's easy to say it when I don't have to put it to practice now, what with the perpetual singleness and all, but I figured out that this is a necessary tool for keeping women happy.



I don't let people in: I vehemently disagree with this one. Anytime I'm in a relationship, the woman knows everything there is to know about me. In fact I sometimes feel self conscious about sharing so much. I can listen to you all day long, but when it comes to talking about me, I am uncomfortable. I don't know what I think she is gonna do with the information, but the vulnerability factor perplexes me. That being said, I still think I let people in, but if in fact I dont, that would be the reason.



I don't make decisions: I guess I have in the past not stepped up and made decisions in the relationship. There's that compromise thing again. Put me anywhere and I'm gonna be good. I have deferred to the woman in many cases, just because I'm not that particular, and they are. Apparently, I should put my foot down every now and then. But I just want to keep the peace. For example, if we are going out to eat, and she asks where I wanna go, I'll come up with something. But if she doesn't want to go there, it wont be a pleasant experience. So why not just skip the part where she pretends to go along with me, while complaining about every aspect of the dinner. Let's just go where you want to go. I'll be fine either way. I can get a steak or some pasta anywhere. Why should we even go through the charade? To me this is a catch 22 situation. Either be decisive and risk having a terrible time or do what she wants and risk being considered a pushover.



I'm just a smart ass: If you've read the blog more than once you know that is never going to change. I just have to find someone who isn't so sensitive. I will not change this, as its an integral part of who I am. If you like Rashan, you have to be prepared for a smart comment now and again. I'm not trying to be mean. It's just a joke, baby! Calm down! Matter fact, fire a joke back at me. That's sexy as hell to me. I woman who can shrug off my smart mouth and then throw it back at me? Sign me up for one of those!



I have too many female friends: Yeah, so what? I like women, they like me. Just because we are friends doesn't mean anything else is popping off. "No reason to be insecure/or immature/baby girl see the world is yours" - "Big Girl" - Nas- 1999. I do have female friends, but they always know who comes first. My girl will always come before my friends. There's no debate about that. In fact whenever I start dating/talking to someone new, I'm gonna go MIA for a minute. I've told my friends as much. Don't expect to see me for a while. I'll get at you when the honeymoon phase wears off. The female friends will not be a problem for me...anymore.



I keep things inside: I don't think so. I just have a Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy. I'm not one for just complaining about things that I can't change. Therefore, I keep little problems to myself. It's not intentionally keeping things from the woman, it just doesn't seem worth the effort of telling her every time someone gets on my nerves at work, or every time some new girl tries to holla at me. What does it accomplish for you to know all that? She'll end up stressing worse than me, which by proxy makes me stress about something that I wasn't really stressing in the first place. Nah mean? I promise anything major in my life, she will know about it. But the little things are not worth the hassle. I'm not being secretive, I'm just not sweating the smal stuff.



Those are some of the things that are or were wrong with me. I think I've learned a great deal, and will do things differently if/when given a chance. I may have a lot of other things wrong with me that my exes didn't identify. Who knows, but I thank them that they gave me some things to work on. I didn't return the favor though. Don't ask, Don't tell: that's my policy! Remember? If they don't ask me what they could do better, I'm sure not gonna volunteer it. As far as Blind Date is concerned, my answer was a little elusive, a little mysterious, but 100% Rashan.



"Wouldn't it be more fun for to discover that yourself?"

Blind Date

This one is not a trick. There will be no surprise endings. I know I'm the man that cried wolf, but for real, no jokes this time...

I hesitated writing about this for a couple of reasons. Number one, who is actually gonna believe me after I've pulled so many tricks on you. Number two, I didn't want to put anything out there about this before I know whether or not it happens. But you know me, I can't hold anything back for too long. I've been set up on a blind date. This is the first time in my 33 years that I've done this and I'm feeling kinda apprehensive about it.

I'm supposed to go out with a friend of a friend sometime this weekend and I don't know how I feel about it. See, what had happened was (said in my best Fresh Prince imitation) I made a bet with someone. The terms were this: If I lose, she gets to set me up with her friend that she thinks is perfect for me. If I won, then she would never mention it again. Well, I lost and now I have a blind date this weekend. Here's what I know: She turns 30 later this year. Has a 4 year old son. Not married. Oh yeah, she's another doggone Aries... Someone kill me now! Here's what I don't know about her: EVERYTHING ELSE!!!

I've seen a picture, but it was one of those far away pictures where you can't really tell what the person really looks like and may possibly have been taken when she was still in high school. Am I wrong for worrying that my blind date may have an extra ear or tattoo of Tu.pac or something ludicrous that could only happen with me? I know it's not all about looks, and from what I could tell, she looked aiight, but I'm trepidatious about it. She could look like a reject from Flavor of Love or something. How I look hanging out with Sa.ap.hyri? I wish I could see a recent picture.

I also have never talked to her. I don't know how her brain works. The girl that's setting this up says she has a "quirky" sense of humor like me. But I don't know if I trust her. I don't know if you noticed, but I am an acquired taste. I'm kinda like that first shot of Patron. When you take me in, (OBSCURE REFERENCE ALERT!!!) you make that ugly face like Aa.ron Ha.ll crying in the I Miss You video, (fast forward to like 3:58) like "damn, what was that?" After a while though, I intoxicate you and you want another shot. I know I'll be on my best behavior on the date, and keep my sarcasm to a minimum, but what if she doesn't get me? Am I setting myself up for disaster?

Since I don't know her, I am at loss of what to do with her. I don't know what she likes or doesn't like. I suppose I could just do what I like, but that consists of sitting at home in my drawers reading blogs. Don't think that's appropriate date material. Since you guys love giving me advice, that I seldom if ever take, why don't you tell me what I should do? Where would be a good first date spot? I'm not just talking to the Atlanta people. I'm not looking for specific spots (although I'll take em if you got em) but just some ideas of what to do with someone you've never met, held a conversation with, or mentally undressed with your eyes. LOL.

Before you guys start thinking I'm extra crazy, I did try to get more details. But my friend is being less than forthcoming. She thinks that I would try to find something wrong with her as an excuse to get out of the blind date. Would I do that? Of course I would, but still holding back is about to accomplish the same thing. But I cant. I lost the bet, so I have to fulfill my part of the bargain. Wish me luck, or at the very least, wish me some entertaining blog posts.

Oh yeah, you won't believe what the bet was. (OBSCURE REFERENCE ALERT!!!) She said that she could do that K.id N Pla.y dance (fast forward to 2:40) where they grab a leg and jump over it. I just knew she was gonna bust her ass, but she stuck the landing like Do.mi.nique Da.wes (mmm... Do.minique Da.wes.. said in my best Ho.mer Sim.pson-drooling-over-donuts imitation. The only reason I ever watched gymnastics. LOL). Hence my blind date... I wonder what she had to do to get her to go out with me.