Friday, February 29, 2008

Flashback Friday: The Evacuation Pt. 1

It was September 1999. The news was reporting that a major hurricane was set to hit the Savannah coastline. Living there for 13 years, I had heard that before and wasn't worried. Hurricanes have a tendency to turn just before making landfall in Savannah. Maybe it was my grandma's praying or perhaps it was just the way the coastline is made up, but we never really had any direct hits. Sure, we've had wind and rain, but nothing like the people in Florida and Carolina. So when I heard about this cat named Floyd, I wasn't shook.

As it got closer, it became evident that this was a big deal. There were talks about evacuation, at first voluntary, then mandatory. Word? We gotta bounce? Okay, let's take a road trip. My sister lived in Atlanta so I had a place to stay. I also was flush with cash, as a result of some stuff that I can't really talk about until I know the statue of limitations has passed. It figured to be a vacation of sorts, an excuse to go to Atlanta and ball out for a minute. There was only one problem... Everybody and their mama's mama was heading the same way and that created the worst traffic jam I have ever experienced.

Let me step back for a minute... If I recall correctly, I didn't have intentions on leaving but it was a last minute decision. Had I thought about it, I would have left the night before, thus avoiding all the traffic, but instead I was with the masses leaving that morning. I remember that I awoke that morning and neither I or my girl had packed a thing. While she took care of that, I went to gas up the Tercel and pick up Kareem who was gonna ride with us. That was my first sign of things to come. Several gas stations were out of gas, a result of everybody getting the hell out of Savannah. When I finally pulled up to the Enm.ark on Sk.idaway, the line at the gas pumps was damn near into the street. They actually had traffic cops managing the flow. It took me an hour just to fill up my vehicle and get a buttload of snacks, but by the time I got home with Kareem, my girl had all of our stuff packed and we were ready to go.

As we drove through the city, it seemed pretty deserted. Nobody was out in the streets and there were hardly any cars around. I hit the 37th street exit to I-16 and was greeted by more cars than I have ever seen in my life. No wonder the streets were empty, everybody was on the highway. I didn't know how long it would actually take, but I knew from that point that I was in for a long day. We cranked up the music and settled in. You know how they say traffic is at a standstill? That's how it was. To say that I was driving would really be inaccurate, I actually just had the car in neutral and would occasionally take my foot off the brake to move forward a few inches at a time. I didn't even bother to put the car in 1st gear.

It probably wasn't the best idea while sitting in non moving traffic, but Kareem and my girl broke out the weed. I had already quit, but they passed back and forth like it was no big deal. I'm sitting there getting a contact, bumping my head to Eigh.tball and M.JG's In Ou.r which was our get crunk CD of the time. People in the next car were looking at us like we were nuts, which to be fair, we might have been. But we figured that all the cops were busy trying to get the traffic flowing, they weren't worrying about a lil herb. The CD ended and I noticed that we were in THE EXACT SAME PLACE! We hadn't moved a bit. I'm a pretty patient person, but this was getting to be too much for even me. But we had no choice. Its not like I coulda teleported to Atlanta.

3 more hours went by and by this time we managed a little movement. It averaged about 10 miles per hour. Crazy, but at least we had some forward momentum. The police had closed down the highway going east towards Savannah and opened it up for westbound traffic. What that meant was we were driving on the wrong side of the highway. I don't know why, but that was cool to me. My girl and Kareem of course celebrated with another blunt (like they really needed an excuse.) I was happy because we finally were moving a little. The trip that usually took 3 1/2 to 4 hours wound up taking 11 frustrating hours. By the time we got to Atlanta, I was ready to blow off some steam and spend some of those ill gotten funds I mentioned earlier. But first..must get sleep. We crashed out at my sister's house for the night. But the next couple of days would be eventful.

And let's stop there... The fun, the drama, and the aftermath tomorrow.... You hate me, don't you? LOL

Thursday, February 28, 2008


Rantings of an insomniac. Every Thursday morning without fail, I can't sleep. I don't know what it is. I apologize in advance about the meandering tone of this post. I went for a drive to clear my head. That song Hy.pothet.ically by Lyf.e J.ennings and Fa.nta.sia was on the radio. It stuck in my head and I wrote a post about it. Like to hear it? Here it go...

Hypothetically... lets say I knew a big fat honking secret that if I told everyone would upset the balance of the blogiverse. What if I knew things that would embarrass the hell out of people? Or what if I was the one in question? What if, hypothetically speaking of course, much of what I wrote about on the blog was a lie. For instance, what if I really wasn't as anti social as I portray myself to be. What if I really went out far more than I wrote about? Or for hypothetical purposes, I actually had a wife and kids that I never mentioned. Or, for arguments sake, I actually had major conversations with a fellow blogger that I didn't tell you about, even though my stated philosophy is that everyone on the internet is crazy? What if there was no PHD or the blind date was a ruse to get you interested in my life. What if all the stories about work stalkers, and MySpace stalkers, and various and sundry stalkers were just figments of an overactive imagination? What if these stalkers were real, but I actually was the one leading them on? What if half the crazy things that I say happen to me, actually are stories that rightfully belong to another? What if in all actuality, I was less abnormal than I seem, and more conformist than I let on? What if I really wasn't an insomniac? What if I really didn't live in Atlanta, but actually reside in the sticks of Alabama or something. What if the voice I used on my utterz that sounds so patently New York, was actually fake? What if I didn't really have horrible luck with cars, or didn't take every opportunity present to make a sarcastic comment? What if I was just a regular joe with a regular life with regular experiences who decided to embellish to gain readership? What if the spots I frequent with regularity, were in fact pipe dreams or places I wish I could go? What if I was blogging from the jail library because I was doing 3-5 for embezzlement in a federal prison? What if all the pictures I post on a semi regular basis were actually photoshoppped from some exceedingly handsome guy on MySpace. What if I really liked T.Pain, Lil Wayne, Jim Jones and all other wack artists I denigrate on a daily basis? Hell, what if my name wasn't really Rashan? What if my real name was Michael Williams III? What if I actually didn't have writers block and thus decided to write a crazy rambling hypothetical post? What if the start and the end of the post actually were about the same thing?

Would you want to know the truth? They say the truth hurts, yet they also say it sets you free. Are any of these hypotheticals true? One, maybe two are... why don't you try to guess which ones they are? I ain't telling... this was all hypothetical of course.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

My Crazy Idea - Teaser Post

Now that I got lots of reader participation, I guess I can give you a teaser of what my secret crazy idea is. This will start on Sunday or Monday. I need a few days to study you and learn how to mimic your styles. Anybody who wants to be down still can. Just hit me up in the comments. You ready for it??? Don't skip ahead or you'll ruin the suspense thing I got going on.

(Dramatic Music Plays)

Deep Voice Over: They came from all over... Brooklyn, Philly, London, Houston, Denver... Worldwide...

Unidentified Voice: I was made for this.
Unidentified Voice #2: I'm not being cocky, but can't nobody f*ck with me in this game.

Deep Voice Over: They came for a shot at a dream.

Unidentified Voice # 3: If I could just win this competition, my life would change.

Deep Voice Over: They came for the fame.

Unidentified Voice #4: I should really be more well known. My style is unf*ckwittable.

Deep Voice Over: They came as strangers, but will they leave as friends? Lovers? Enemies?

*sounds of cacophonous arguing*

Deep Voice Over: One man given the task of taking a myriad of voices and creating harmony. That man is...

*Hate Me Now Intro plays in the background*

Rashan: (walking in slow motion, dressed in all white) ME! That's Who!

Deep Voice Over: From Executive Producer, Rashan Jamal comes the highly anticipated follow up to the Blog Real World series.

Rashan: (screaming) You remember how we did back then! We gonna take it to a whole nother level this time! We got no time for fake ones!

Deep Voice Over: Coming Sunday, March 2nd...

Rashan: Ay, yo! They call me R. Jizzy! Let's make a f*ckin' blog!!!

Deep Voice Over: Making The Blog!!!

Making the Blog... presented with limited commercial interruptions by Blogger.

Executive Producer: Rashan Jamal

Monday, February 25, 2008

Volunteers Needed!!!

Volunteers Needed:

I’m looking for some volunteers for an endeavor I am undertaking. I can’t tell you too much about it yet, but it should be tres interesting. Here’s what I need from you. I need a few (as little as 5, but I can take more) of you to allow me to use your blog names and characteristics for a series of posts I have in mind. In the spirit of full disclosure, there will be some sarcasm and good natured making fun going on, but that includes me as well. I will be the butt of my jokes, just as often if not moreso than you guys. If you are feeling adventurous and don’t mind me using your intellectual likenesses, hit me up in the comments. I promise it will be funny… at least to me. LOL If you remember The Blog Real World series from Aught-Six, (This is part 8, but at the top of that page are links to the first 7 parts) you’ll have an idea of what I can do with the blog fiction. Its not the exact same idea, but it would be similar. So, think about it and let me know if you are down. I’d like to start as soon as possible, since blog posts are not exactly flowing from my inspiration fountain lately. Holla at you guys, later!

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Concert Recap

By now, you are either tired of waiting for me to write about the concert, or tired of hearing about it. I'm in the latter category, but I'll write it up anyway....

I left work on Friday and rather than trying to fight traffic to get home, I met my friend Kristie at her house. Its closer to my job, so I brought my clothes with me and got dressed there. After procrastinating for a while, I finally ironed and got ready. Once I was looking appropriately fly (LOL) we headed to the train station in separate cars. Since we live on opposite sides of the metro area, we took separate cars, so that when the night was over, I didn't have to go all the way back up there. To say that I didn't know where I was, would be an understatement, but I followed her down all those desolate roads and eventually wound up in civilization. We got on the train and headed to downtown Atlanta to the Fox theater.

When we got there, there was a crush of Black people in the atrium. Usually when I go to concerts, even hip hop concerts, the crowd is at least half white. Not for this one... it was all colored. LOL. We get in and they didn't check us for cameras or anything, so I could have brought mine. Oh well, the usher took us to the seats and they were great seats. I had seen the seating chart online, but I didn't realize I was gonna be that close. I wasn't front row or anything but I had a good view of everything. Raheem DeVaughn came on first and ran through some of his singles. He was high energy and gave a good show. He had on a suit with a bow tie and some sneakers, looking like as Stace said, "a hip hop hippie." Very Andre 3000-esque. He only performed for about 30 minutes, which was disappointing but totally understandable once Jill came on. After his performance he was taking pictures for $20 in the lobby. My homegirl got one, wait... remind me to get my $20 from her. She didn't have cash on her, so technically, I paid for it.

Next up, after a long intermission, Jill came on. I'm not gonna go down the list of all the songs she did, but lets just say she was amazing. I'm a Jill Scott groupie now. I always liked her, but even more now. The band was ridiculous. Her voice was flawless, she was getting down on the stage. Some of my favorites... when she did "Long Walk" and mixed it with Roy Ayer's "Sunshine", the bluesy version of "He Loves Me", "How it Make you feel"... Really all of it was just great. She did a good mix of the old and the new. Before I knew it 2 hours of straight performing with no breaks went by. At that point she left the stage, but no one in the audience left, so she came out and did a couple more songs. Then she really left, they turned up the lights and people started to leave. Jill then came back and said the show was officially over, but she wanted to share a new song with us. It started out with just Jill onstage, beatboxing and then singing. Then the entire band came back and joined her, then it morphed into an audience participation thing. It was mad cool. All told, Jill put on a 2 and half hour show by herself.

After the show, Kristie and I walked back to the train station (I remember one year at Freaknik, I asked a cop "where's the train station, yo?" He responded by saying "we don't have trains. We have MARTA" Not sure why I inserted that sidebar in...) and saw some interesting characters while waiting. Like the guy that had on a suit and some crocs. I didn't know they made those things for grown men. Or the guy that was playing a sitar on the train... but not asking for money. Or the guy that we thought was a woman at first that decided that he wanted to stretch on the train, and was about *thisclose* from putting his leg behind his neck. It was a character fest, and me without my camera. By the time we got back to the cars, it was too late to go get some food, so we just headed home. All in all, a great night.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

On The Way Home

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I know my page is all jacked up with the various utterz. I'll clean it up tomorrow. One!

Friday, February 22, 2008

Dont Bother Listening, You Cant Hear Jill.

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OnStage with Raheem

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Jill and Raheem Friday, Old School Saturday???

Its almost the weekend. I'm so used to Thursday being the end of my work week, but since I got that new job and have to work M-F now, I'll have to postpone my elation at not working. I should have a pretty full weekend, if everything pans out the way its supposed to. Who am I kidding? It's not gonna happen...

Friday, I work a half day and then I'm going to see Jill Scott. You remember I bought the tickets damn near 2 months ago, and the day is finally here. I should be more excited than I am, but I can't seem to muster that emotion. Probably because I know that something is gonna piss me off before I get there. Be it the rain (and really can we stop talking about being in a drought when it does nothing but rain since the New Year) or the traffic (When I get off work, its gonna be smack dab in the middle of rush hour) or the parking situation (the concert is downtown at The Fabulous Fox, which is a cool ass venue. I saw Prince there waaaaaaayy back in 93. Anyway the point, besides using unnecessary parentheses is that I don't know where to park downtown, and I always get lost). I know that once I get in, all that is gonna go away, but I'm still tempering my excitement until that time. I wish I could bring my camera, but they made a very big deal about mentioning no pictures on the tickets themselves and I'm not trying to have some security guard take my joint. I can't let that happen; how else am I gonna take crazy pictures of myself all the time. Opening act is Raheem Devaughn, who I'm pretty impressed with. I dig both of his albums and his version of "Prototype" has been in heavy rotation for about 2 years now. I could make a list of all the Jill Scott songs I hope she sings, but I really need to hear this one. I always liked it, but I gained an even greater appreciation of it when PYT (the artist formerly known as Youngster) sang it to me. Anyway, expect some raspy voiced Utterz from the concert, cuz you know I always think about my blog fam...

Saturday, I'm supposed to hang out with some of the co workers at the Old School Saturday joint. I can pretty much tell you right now, that I wont be going. I hate that its only one Saturday a month, and always seems to fall at a time that I don't feel like going. It's like the other weekends, it would be all good, but the actual weekend, I'm either doing something else, or in one of my withdrawn moods. How can I tell that I'll be in that mood on Saturday, you ask? I just know. It might have to do with the cold and rainy forecast which is not exactly conducive for drunken good times, or it might be because I am already going out on Friday. Regardless, if I show, it'll be a miracle. I didnt exchange phone numbers with the co worker, so it'll just be a hit or miss thing. I hope they are not waiting on me.

On another note, I am completely addicted to Utterz. Anybody who hasn't already signed up should do so expeditiously. I want to hear what you guys sound like. I don't know if its one step away from a phone convo, as someone told me, but its pretty darn cool. Don't make me beg. Soon as I finish typing this, I'll probably go record another one (not 10 minutes though). If you do it, let me know, so I can stalk follow your Utterz. On that note, I'm gonna call it a night. I hope everyone has a Happy Friday and weekend. One!

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Out The Blue

*10 Minute Voice Post Below* (it doesn't feel like 10 minutes. LOL)

You remember PHD? If not, then check the links on the sidebar. Never mind, I'll just recap. Last summer and fall, we were dating, nothing serious at all, but on a fairly regular basis. I kept telling y'all that it was not a relationship, but some people, *ahem Diva ahem* got way too excited about it. Anyway, we kinda lost touch for a minute sometime after the Stevie W.onder concert. The calls came more infrequently, and the dates just totally dried up. After a while, I got tired of hearing that she was catching up on school work, even though I believed her. I'm not good at the whole chasing someone who doesn't want to be caught thing, so I stopped trying. I just told her to get at me when she had time. Fast forward to yesterday, guess who calls me all out the blue. That's right, PHD. She called to invite me to go see the A.iley Da.nce Thea.ter joint when it comes to Atlanta. It was weird to me. The last time I talked to her was on my birthday in November, although we did have a few text message conversations around Christmas.

I called her back on break at work, and we did a little catching up. She's about to start her internship (she's obviously getting her PHD which you can tell from her blog name) and finds out Monday where she will be going. She did a bunch of interviews over the last few months and probably will be moving to Texas. She asked about my sister, whom she briefly met, told me about her family and stuff. It was a cool, normal conversation. From what I gathered, I guess she is not as swamped with school right now and wanted to reconnect. Like I said, she wanted to take me to this joint to make up for missing my birthday. We'll see what happens. I like culture, but hate dancing so I'm not sure. LOL.

I didn't really think too much about it, except for my initial reaction of "how you gonna call me 3 months later?" But then I was chatting with Opinionated Diva on the work IM and she made me overanalyze the situation. I was perfectly content to just think that PHD really was busy with school, but now I'm not too sure. I was perfectly content to just think that she didn't like me anymore, but now after this call I don't know what's up. I was perfectly content not worrying about it, but now I am curious to know. The mature thing would probably be to just ask PHD about it, but when have I ever done the mature thing? LOL. I'd rather ask a bunch of anonymous people that read my blog what they think? How 'bout it? Isn't it strange to call someone out the blue and act like no time has passed? Can it be just as simple as being busy with school... for three months? Diva, go ahead and post your conspiracy theories too, even though I already read them. LOL!

10 minutes...Really, Rashan???

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Tuesday, February 19, 2008


I wrote another "back in the day" post yesterday, but while searching on MySpace to see if I could find yesterday's subject, I came across today's subject and decided to post this one instead. I'll keep the other one in the archives for a rainy day. I'm gonna change the names just in case I decide to get in contact with her. Inevitably, my blog will come up in conversation and I don't know how she feels about getting put out there, even though I wrote about her in the past. I could probably make this a 2 parter, but I'll try to finish it all in one (extremely) long post.

I met her back in 97 or 99. We were co workers at an insurance company in Savannah. This was back in my club/get drunk/get high/party days. We became instant friends, due to a shared up north sensibility and a affinity for getting intoxicated and having fun. Let's call her Nailah. Nailah and I would talk every day at work, which led to hanging out and clubbing together. We were true platonic friends.

Nailah had this boyfriend that I never met, but seemed to be a clown based on her descriptions. The type of guy that takes his woman for granted, and would rather hang out with his boys than with his woman. That was cool with me, because he never tripped if Nailah hung out all night with me and my people. Hell, even if he did, she would have snapped on him and put him back in his place. We used to have all night parties and spades tournaments, complete with the all the cheap liquor that our little bit of money could buy. She had a couple of friends that used to kick it with us too: The hot girl, Marcia and the cool girl, Tasha. All three of them were as different as could be, but we all got along very well.

Nailah wasn't really my type. She was cute, but oh so skinny. I mean, we used to call her Olive Oyl. I never thought about pushing up to her, even though at the time I didn't have any moral qualms about taking someone's girl from them if they were undeserving (in my eyes, of course.) We just hung out and had real talk from time to time like friends are want to do. It wasn't until she broke up with her boyfriend (for good this time) that I even briefly considered taking it there, but quickly thought better of it. She talked about how she was lonely and wanted someone to be intimate with. My dense ass didn't immediately realize she may have been talking about me. Nailah spilled it one day while sitting on my hand me down couch in my eastside garage apartment.

"I have one or two people that I'm considering."
"Word? You talking about that guy from your school?"
"Nah, I don't think I'm gonna try anything with him."
"Okay, then who?"

The first answer blew my mind.

"I kinda want to try out Marcia."

I sat up at attention. Hmmm... what she gay now? They were best friends and I never imagined that they would be that kind of friends. My horny 25 year imagination ran away with me. But before I fully develop that mental picture, she brought me back to reality.

"No, nigga. You can't watch."
"Ha Ha"
"I dont even know if I have the nerve to tell her. You better not say anything."
"Who am I gonna tell? That's your friend. You are my friend. Your secret is safe with me. Who is the other person?"
"I don't want to say anything right now. I'll tell you when the time's right."
"Is it another girl?"
"Nah, its a dude."
"Anybody I know?"
"Yeah, you know him. But I'm not gonna tell you who it is."

That was that. Nailah didn't tell me that she was talking about me and the thought didn't cross my mind. We were platonic friends, plus I was trying see if that HLA was gonna pop off. It could have happened at anytime as much as they were together. Hell, it could have went down in my bed as much as they slept over my house together, rolling on ecstacy. Hell, it could have happened that one late night when they were hugged up on each other watching a Jake Steed video on my couch. Far as I know though, it never happened.

Some time passed and I started exploring my options with the ladies. Then something strange happened. I got boo'd up real quick and started spending less and less time with Nailah. It was kinda hard for me to have her over the crib all the time like she used to be when my new girlfriend was living with me. We saw each other at work and still talked on the phone from time to time, but it wasn't like it used to be. It was regrettable, but my girl is gonna come before my friends. I probably could have communicated that a little better, but hell, I was in some head over heels stuff at the time and wasn't thinking straight. Nailah checked me on it, but I wasn't really trying to hear it. In my mind, we were still as good as friends as we always were and to prove it one day we spent the day reconnecting.

It was a scorching Savannah summer afternoon. You don't really know heat until you've been in Savannah in August, ain't that right Minerva? We rode around in her Mustang, just running errands. I remember that I went with her to the beauty supply shop, and to pay some of her bills. It wasn't anything special, just 2 friends hanging out while my girl was at work with my car. She dropped me off at my apartment and was heading to a barbeque on the Westside. Nailah asked if she could take a shower, which was not that big of a deal if you know Savannah heat. You may have to shower 3 or 4 times a day, just to stay fresh. Of course I said yes. She went in the bathroom to get clean and I chilled in the living room, watching Friday for the 357th time. I heard her calling me about 5 minutes later.

"Ruh-shan, come here a minute." This is before I started making people pronounce my name correctly.

I stood outside the door.

"What's up!"
"Can you get me my bag?"

It was sitting on my bed. I gingerly opened the door and slid the bag in.

"Hold up. Come here. I need you to get my scarf out."

I did what I was asked. I reached over the shower rod to hand her the scarf. Just then the shower curtain opened and Nailah stood there glistening under the falling water. I tried not to look, but my eyes couldn't help but take in her slim body.

"No problem"

She closed the shower curtain and I started to leave.

"Just stay in here and talk to me."
"Nah, that's okay. I'm gonna go out here."
"What? Does it make you nervous that I'm in here naked? It's just skin."
"You buggin... I'll just be in the bedroom."

I sat on the bed trying to get that image out of my head. Not because I didn't like what I saw, but because I didn't think I should like what I saw, if that makes any sense. This was my friend, some things you just don't need to see on your friend, especially when you have a live in girlfriend. I sat on my bed, looking out the window, just knowing that my girl was gonna come home early from work and misinterpret this situation. Nailah came out the bathroom wrapped up in a towel like it was no big deal.

"Where's your iron?"
"You wanna think about getting dressed sometime soon?"
"I had no idea you were such a prude."
"I'm not, but my girl might come home at any minute."

That wasn't exactly true. She was gonna be at work for a couple more hours, but I wasn't trying to take no chances. Nailah ironed her clothes as I sat on the bed making small talk, and avoiding eye contact. When she was finished, she dropped the towel and stood there butt ass naked, putting lotion on.

"You know that other person I was interested in?"
"It was you, but then you had to go and get a girlfriend."
"It's probably best I never told you. I didn't want to ruin our friendship, but I was curious."
"What would you have said?"
"I mean... I don't... I... can you put some clothes on please?"
"I'm not asking now. I know you all in love and shit"
"Nailah, for real. I can't concentrate like this. I'm trying not to look, but come on I'm a man"
"Aiight, son. I'll leave it alone, but I'll expect an answer one day."

She laughed, then put on her clothes and left a few minutes later. I just sat there staring at the walls, trying to figure out how I was gonna look her in her face next time I saw her. No doubt it was gonna be weird. I didn't tell my girl about what happened, but she seemed to have some kind of sixth sense about Nailah. Like whenever Nailah would call, she would "forget" to give me the message. Or if I was on the phone with Nailah, that would be the time when she "needed" me. The whole thing caused a strain on our relationship, so much so that I didn't even tell her that I was moving to Atlanta. She heard it from her friend Tasha, who was hooked up with my friend Kareem. Oops, my bad. I haven't spoken to Nailah in about 8 years.

Fast forward to tonight. Like I said, I was on MySpace on a totally unrelated mission and I came across her profile. She lives in Atlanta now too. She still looks exactly the same as she did 8 years ago. I wonder if it's way too late to rekindle a friendship. We used to be so close before the whole Full Monty show. It doesn't seem to make sense that one youthful indiscretion should prohibit us from being friends again. Then again, I'm not the same person I was then. I'm way more anti social than I used to be. I'm far more sarcastic than I was. I'm more standoffish than I was back then. Maybe she wouldn't even want to be this Rashan's friend. We'll soon find out. I decided to send her a message. I'll be sure to let you know what happens.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Analyze That

Normal is boring. I love having a mind that works differently than others. In fact I thrive on it. But every now and then, even I have to say "huh? What was that about?" It usually happens while I sleep. That brings me to some of the strange dreams I've been having lately. Several of them involve blogging and bloggers. I hope no one gets embarrassed by popping up during my R.E.M, but here is one of the ones from yesterday whenever I first wrote this post. And yes I am aware that this is a filler post. I can't seem to gather my thoughts today. Maybe tomorrow!?!?

Dream #1: Guest Starring Opinionated Diva and Minerva Exertion...

It's a cold dreary day. The sky is grey and a steady misty rain is falling. I'm sitting up in an old school Oldsmobile, which is also grey. I'm wearing dark ass sunglasses, I think the kids call them stunna shades. Like how I just made my self sound old? I pull up at an decripit high rise apartment building, I think it's the projects, but I'm not sure. Diva comes out the building also wearing stunnas. Don't ask me how I know it's Diva, cuz I've never actually seen her besides her jawline profile picture, but its her. I say what's up using her gov't name and she gets in the passenger side. We ride out over a bridge. I think it's the Tappan Zee bridge in NY. Next thing I know, its sunny out and we take off our shades. I have a Newport behind my left ear and black OJ gloves on my hands. We pull up at a row house that reminds me of the ones in Downtown Savannah. I honk the horn 3 times and out comes Minerva Exertion. She sits in the back seat holding a .38, with a pearl handle. She's wiping it down with a bandana like O Dog in Menace, and filling it up with copper plated bullets. Diva then pulls out a 9 and starts loading it.

"You ready for this?" Diva says.

I shake my head like yeah, and speed up the car. There is a crowd of people gathering outside a club. The sign is neon blue and its flashing MAMA's.

"Abort..." Minerva says.

I drive away from the club and she puts her gun behind my ear.

"You ain't gonna snitch are you?"
"Nah, I'm good"
"You look like you gonna snitch!"
"I'm not, I promise"

I roll back to around to the spot. Roll down the windows. Diva is hanging out the passenger side. M-E is hanging out the driver sides rear window, I'm driving with my right hand, and holding an unidentified gun out the window. I speed up, and all of a sudden it gets sunny again...

I'm sitting on a park bench, smoking a blunt. A few teenagers are hanging around waiting for me to pass it. I don't. I smoke the entire blunt down and toss away the roach. The teenagers dive towards the floor and are fighting over the remnants of my weed. All of a sudden a bright light flashes and all of a sudden nobody else is around. I'm sitting there by myself. And then I wake up...

Analyze That!

Friday, February 15, 2008


These are things I think. I don't expect you to agree.

I think... women who have long hair should not wear wigs. Stop being lazy and do your hair. Or cut it off. Or go natural. Those are all viable options. Just stop with the stocking caps and the tilted wigs. Do it for me, please?

I think... there should be a new word to describe the littlest finger. Pinkie just sounds so soft.

I think... that you should not have Creflo Dollar on your top 8 MySpace friends at the same time as having Plies as your profile music, while your profile picture features you laying suggestively in your bra and panties.

I think... that I need to learn how to find middle ground. I'm either on some "I don't love them hoes stuff" or some baby baby stuff. I can't seem to just find a happy medium.

I think... that there should be a way to block people from sending me text messages that are not addressed specifically to me. If I get another Happy V-Day text from someone I have not spoken to since I put their number in my phone, I'm gonna scream.

I think... if you buy your Valentine's Day gift from the gas station at 7 PM on the 14th, chances are you are not gonna have a sucessful night. True story, there was a lady selling V Day baskets with teddy bears and flowers last night.

I think... people that smile all the time are creepy. Switch up your expressions a little. I'm not saying you have to mean mug, but maybe have a pensive look every now and then. Smirk, instead of cheesing... anything!

I think... that people think I'm a good conversationalist because I actually listen to them and respond on topic. Truth be told, I rarely really talk about myself, but they dont realize that until months later when they run out of things to say.

I think... that I am finally ready for another blogger meet up. I tried to keep the blog world and real world seperate, but I think I can handle it. Anyone that's gonna be in ATL, let me know and we can see what's up. *subject to change as my antisocial tendencies flare back up*

I think... that the phrase Mr. DJ should be outlawed. Why does the DJ get so much respect? How bout Mr. R&B singer or Mr. Commercial voice over guy? I think I had this conversation with somebody recently.

I think... that too many women call themselves divas (Not you J!). Too many men call themselves thugs. Too many kids grow up too quickly and try to act like divas and thugs.

I think... one of the things I like about Youngster is that she calls me out on my shit. I'm so used to just being able to bully my way through a conversation. She doesn't always let me be right. It's different but cool. Now if you would answer your phone when I call, it would be all good. LOL

I think... that I may have been in a strange mood yesterday, but I faked it pretty good. I think it was b/c yesterday would have been my father's 60th birthday if he were still alive.

I think... that one of the funniest things in the world is the way my 2 year old nephew says "No Shawty!" I can't beleive they taught him that phrase.

I think... that I go out of my way to prove how abnormal I am. Like I think of ways to make people say "wow, that was strange."

I think... that I'm gonna stop writing now, even though I am being thoroughly entertained via email. I should try to get 3 hours of sleep before work.

Happy Friday and stuff like that! I'll get at you tomorrow. One!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

My Funny Valentine

I been chillin all day. Listening to my newest obsession Pan.dora radio, watching movies, lurking (that's right I said it) on blogs and stuff, and exchanging messages with some bloggers. I took my day off to do pretty much nothing. Until about 20 minutes ago. I went to go to gas station to get an orange powerade. Not sure why, but I really wanted one. I get to my car and what do I see?

There was a Valentine's Day card and some balloons on my car from a secret admirer. WTF? I got a couple of issues with this. My first thought was this seems like something my friends would do just to mess with me, but I doubt it. See, nobody knows where I live. Even my closest friends have ever been out here. It's a combination of me just not inviting them, and also living on the other side of town. All my peoples are in Cobb County and I'm in Dekalb. They don't come out this way, and I'm always out that way, so it just works out that I hang out on that side of town. They aren't above a practical joke, but they aren't gonna brave traffic to do it. It can't be them, can it?

My second thought was this was the stalker at work again. But I know for damn sure that she don't know where I live. I would have noticed her following me, cuz I'm paranoid like that. I don't have a home phone, so I'm not listed. It's not possible that she could find me, is it? I checked the stalker's website, Zabasearch, and they have my address from 8 years ago, not my updated one. So that's out. Besides if it was her, she would want me to know. I would have gotten a long diatribe detailing the reasons she chose to give me a gift. I also think she would have knocked on the door. It can't be her, can it?

My last thought was that it wasn't really for me. My name wasn't anywhere on the card. It just said, Dear Handsome. I mean, that could be me, cuz, well you know I am handsome. LOL. But there was no reference to Rashan, Jamal, or any of the other fake names I use when I'm avoiding people. And the balloons were really the stuff that youngsters would give each other. The stereotypical red heart balloons. Hell I don't know.

I hate not knowing stuff. This is gonna bother me until I finally forget about it like 3 weeks from now. Maybe I'll just move. LOL Okay back to the music and emails now. I'll holla in the morning.

See This Face, Hear This Voice

Apparently, I'm not supposed to sleep on Thursdays. It's another one of those nights when I can't sleep, and I can't focus on writing anything. So, what did I do? I copied Jameil and signed up for Utterz. You can hear a rambling nonsensical voice post by clicking the player above. Also, I took more sleep deprived pictures of myself. Why? Not sure, other than sheer vanity and narcississm. Hopefully, I'll be inspired to write a real post later this afternoon. I don't have to work. I scheduled the day off a few months ago, when I was working Sunday - Thursday. I was gonna have me a 3 day weekend. Now, I have to work Friday, so this is just basically a wasted vacation day. At least I'll have the opportunity to talk to Youngster more today. Oh that's right, I haven't blogged about her yet. Perhaps that'll be my post for this afternoon. Happy Valentine's Day to those that are gonna get something, and if you are like me and un-boo'd up, I hope your day is cool too. Aiight, then. I'm out. Oh yeah, excuse the bright ass yellow hoodie. It's like 20 degrees here and this 10 year old Fubu joint is the most comfortable thing to keep me warm. I've conveniently made sure the logo wasn't showing, but I guess I just defeated the purpose of hiding it, by telling you what it is. Please know that the hoodie is a functional choice and not a fashion choice.

Look Diva, I cut my nails. LOL Otherwise, no reason to post that picture

I don't know why I can't keep my left eye open

A carbon monoxide inspired smile.

Can you see the beard/goatee thing? My barber hooked that up on Monday. He took a picture of me for the shops myspace page. Got me modeling and stuff. LOL

Half asleep in the car. It didn't last. As soon as the cold air hit me, I woke up.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Rashan vs. Dem Gangsta Cats

Timeline: 2:17 AM - Atlanta, Georgia - Rashan's apartment

I was falling asleep watching Gone Baby Gone, when the phone rang interrupting me from my rest. What does she want now? Doesn't she realize that I'm not gonna answer the phone? Damn work stalkers! Irritation now replacing sleepiness, I got up and started cleaning the place up. Somebody told me that they don't like messy guys, and I guess that resonated. I picked my clothes up off the couch, wiped down the kitchen and gathered the trash from bathroom, bedroom and kitchen. I figured I should take this out now since sleep is out of the question.

I popped the trunk and placed the 2 Hefty bags in, started my car and drove around the corner to the trash dumpster. It was now 2:40 and I didn't figure anyone would be out at this hour. But I was wrong. Standing in front of the dumpster were them gangsta cats, 7 deep. The ringleader looked dead in my eye and didn't move, even as my car approached more closely. His boys stood behind him looking like they were ready to pounce. All I wanted to do was take my trash out.

I've been in situations like this before, so I wasn't scared. All it took was for me to flash one of my intimidating looks and walk tall and they would scatter. Them cats weren't about to run me off my mission. But tonight was different. These cats were bout it. I flashed my lights at them but they still didn't move. When I popped my trunk, they didn't even flinch. As I stepped out my car, they were still looking hard at me, like I was invading their territory. I peeped one of them cats gnawing on a chicken bone, like that hot wing plate was the only food he had in a week. I gathered my bags out of the trunk and walked towards the dumpster. The ringleader stepped up to me.

"Watch out, yo!" I exclaimed in a menacing voice to no avail. They weren't about to let me pass to throw my bags in the trash. One of them walked over to the driver's side of my car, which I had left slightly ajar. I have a fear of locking my keys in my car, so I didn't want to close it all the way. He eyed my vehicle like he was about to make it his, while the other cats encircled me. "Oh shit," I thought. It's about to go down at the dumpster. I gotta get out of this situation. If they pounced, I really had no defense except to hit them with the two trash bags I clutched in either hand.

They got closer, and my instinct took over. Fight or flight? Fight or flight? Could I take on all 7 of these cats without taking an L? It was doubtful, so in the interest of self preservation I swung the bags over my shoulder and made a beeline back to my car, nearly tripping over the one that was eyeing the driver's side door. I slammed the door and sped off, coming about *thisclose* to running one of them cats over. I heard screaming behind me as I looked out my rearview mirror.


I hate them damn gangsta cats. Aren't they supposed to be afraid of humans?

Monday, February 11, 2008

The Road Trip From Hell!!! Days 3 - 5

I'm gonna try to condense this into one post, since I'm getting tired of writing about this unpleasant experience. I know it's long as hell. Break it up by days if you have to. Here are the links to Day 1 and Day 2 if you haven't read it. I know this is like a week's worth of posts in one sitting, but the story is worth it, if I do say so myself. Oh yeah, I called her Tweety cuz that's how she used to comment on my old blog. She really likes that "I thought I taw a puddy cat" Tweety Bird. LOL

The Road Trip From Hell!!! Day 3

First a little background... I was all for the trip to Orlando, but I only had one request. I wanted to go to Giordan.os. It's this pizza place I fell in love with when my sister, brother and I went to Chicago over one cold, wintry MLK weekend the year before. (That's another story I never told.) They have the best stuffed pizza I have ever had in my life, and they had a location in Orlando, so that was a must.

When we woke up the next morning, the plan was to visit 2 of the other Disn.ey parks: Animal and MGMStud.ios. This time, we figured that we would just drive. We stopped at BobE.vans for breakfast, and then headed to the park. The animal joint was quick and painless. It was like a zoo with a few roller coaster type rides. There weren't any arguments or disagreements to speak of. Later that afternoon, we went to MG.M. That also wasn't an all day thing. There were only about 4 rides, my favorite being the Aero.smith RocknRollCoaster, and of course the To.wer of Terr.or. That was my joint. We had to ride that one a couple of times. Things were okay between Tweety and I. If not warm and fuzzy, we at least were tolerating each other and had no beef. We left the park at around 8 after another full day in the sun. I wasn't quite ready to call it a night.

I, yes I, wanted to go out and explore the nightlife. I know that I'm usually the one that would rather sit at home than go out, but I was in a new city and wanted to see what I could see. I drove towards Univer.sal CityWalk (I think that's what it's called) intending on just hanging out for awhile. That's when the drama began again.

I don't wanna go there.
Okay, where do you want to go?
I don't feel like doing anything. Let's just go back to the room.
It's not even 9 o clock yet. Can we just check out the scene for a minute? We don't have to stay long.
I dont wanna go to a bar. Why would I want to sit there and watch you drink?
We don't have to go to a bar. Let's just see what's down there. It'll be fun.
No, take me back.
Huh? Are you kidding me?
No, I'm not kidding.

Da hell? I'm supposed to just sit around the hotel room doing nothing. I could do that at home. I did everything that Tweety wanted to do all trip, and she can't even roll with me for a minute? It was just ridiculous to me. I tried one other tactic as I was driving back.

You hungry?
Okay, lets go to Giord.anos.
Let's do that tomorrow. I'm not in the mood for pizza.
I'm telling you. This pizza will change your life. You should try it.

I pulled into the parking lot assuming that she would agree. That's what I get for assuming, I guess. She wouldn't get out of the car.

Rashan, I told you I don't wanna go here.
Come on, this is the only thing on the agenda that I wanted.
I'm not going.
So what do you want to eat then?
Anything but this.
You love pizza. Why you acting like that?
I'm not getting out. You gonna have to drag me out the car.
Come on with that. That's the second time you made a little comment like that. Stop insinuating that I'm a wife beater or something.
You aint crazy.
Fuck it, let's go!

I drove back to the hotel and got out the car. I went in the hotel room hoping that she would not follow. I was too through with the whole situation. I wanted to have some fun, maybe have a little dinner, a drink or two, but instead I was having the life sucked out of me by this woman that up until 2 days ago, I would have sworn was normal. The night ended with me watching Sportscenter on my bed, and her playing solitaire on her phone in her bed. 3 nights in Orlando, 3 nights in separate beds, 3 nights of no booty, 3 nights of wishing I was anywhere else but there. Could Day 4 get any worse?

The Road Trip From Hell!!! Day 4

The answer to the above question of course was yes. This was the last day and night we were scheduled to be in Florida. The agenda... tentative at best was to go to Ep.cot, and somehow I was gonna make it to Giord.ano's if it killed me. As I woke up, there was no good morning or any pleasantries exchanged. We were like 2 strangers forced together in a room. We showered and dressed in near silence, except for an occasional "excuse me" as we reluctantly shared the sink and mirror. Before we left the room, I hesistantly spoke up.

Are you sure you wanna do this?
We came here to go to the parks, and that's what we are gonna do.

So we did. Epco.t was cool as hell for a big nerd like myself. Seeing the different countries and stuff was right up my alley. My companion didn't really matter since I was paying attention to the exhibits, instead of her. It seemed like that was the best approach. Only speak when necessary and there could be no arguments. Until we got to the Mexico exhibit. Apparently I was taking too much time looking at everything. Tweety was annoyed. She just walked out the building. I saw her, but I pretended like I didn't. I recognized the signs and knew that another unnecessary argument was coming. Standing on the steps, it came to a head.

You just gonna leave me?
I was bored.
Like I wasn't bored when you were standing in line to take a picture with The Beast.
I'm saying, you could have just said let's go, and we woulda left. Walking off is some childish stuff.
Ugggh!! Let's go. I'm tired of walking around here.
Didn't you want to come here? I don't think it was my idea.
I didn't know you would act like this the whole trip.
Okaaaay. I was just talking about Epco.t. But if you wanna talk about the whole trip, we can do this. I can't beleive you even have the nerve to say anything with the way you been acting. You're like a totally different person.
You too.
Fine let's just go. No need being here if you aren't gonna have fun.
You ain't said nothing but a word! Which way is the exit?

Tweety started walking with a deliberate gait towards the exit. I lagged behind a little. I wasn't worried about her leaving me, since I had the car keys, but I made sure to keep her in sight. I probably should have told her that she was going the wrong way, but instead I just let her figure it out herself. I wanted to allow her to throw her tantrum without interference from me. In my mind, I was thinking...One more day. Just make it one more day and then you never have to see her again. This relationship obviously isn't gonna work, but don't break up with her now. That would make for an awkward car ride home. I worked out in my head what I was gonna say. I was going to derive pleasure from this break up. Hell, even if she broke up with me instead that would still be cool. I don't care who says it first just as long as it gets said. I have to say that those thoughts made the walk back to the car more enjoyable. When we got to the car I had a smirk on my face a mile wide.

What are you smirking about?
Give me the keys. I wanna drive.

I tossed her the keys, not even opening the door for her as was my habit. I got in, buckled up and stared out the passenger side window. It was still early afternoon. The sun was beating down on my face and the happy thought of breaking up still swirled in my mind. When we got to the hotel, I spoke.

Lemme hold the keys. I'm gonna go get something to eat.
Whaddya mean, no? I'm going to go check out the and then stop at Gior.dano's to get my pizza.
You cant take the car!
Why not?
The car is in my name. I don't want you to take it, so you aren't taking it.
Word?!? It's like that?
That's just being ridiculous. If you don't wanna do anything, why do I have to sit here?
Cuz I said so!

I thought for a second. I really can't be here right now. This was the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. What if I did the same thing? The hotel was in my name, you can't stay here. I should say that to her. But I didn't, instead I just walked. I don't know how long I walked, but I do know that I did stop at the first gas station and bought me a pack of BlackNMild. I never ever smoked around her, but today I couldn't help it. I needed something to calm my nerves. As the tobacco took over, I started to feel better. I started to think clearly. Something had to give. Ain't no way I was riding home 8 hours with Tweety. After making the walk back to the hotel, I stopped in the lobby to try to find another way home. I made some calls to the airport to see how much a flight home would be. I researched one way car rentals. Hell, I even called Greyhoun.d. I couldn't find any available flights, the rental car companies wouldn't do one way trips unless I had a plane ticket and Grey.hound would took 2 days to get back home. I was stuck with Tweety.

The sun had long since set when I finally made my way back to the room. As I put the magnetic key in the door, I saw she was sitting on her bed trying to hide her tears. I walked past her without saying a word, got some clothes out my suitcase and took a shower. After the longest shower known to man, I packed my shit and asked...

What time are we leaving tomorrow.

No more words were exchanged the rest of the night. She slept in her bed, I slept in mine. Day 4 was a wrap.

The Road Trip From Hell!!!: Day 5

Day 5 started out like the previous 3. There was a palpatable tension in the air. I was determined not to say anything to set her off. Over the last few days, I discovered I was pretty good at pushing Tweety's buttons, even when I wasn't trying. All I wanted was a peaceful ride home and to stop and get my Giordan.os stuffed pizza to take home. All in all, if I could get that, I could consider the trip a success. Lose a girlfriend, get a pizza... yep that works for me. LOL In order to do that, I had to talk to her.

Can we please stop at Giord.anos on the way home?
We'll see.
Please, you know that's the only thing I wanted on this trip.
I said we'll see.

I packed the car up and turned the keys in at the front desk. When the clerk asked if I enjoyed my stay, I lied and said yes. No need in bringing her down too. I got in the passenger side of the car as Tweety drove. We drove towards and then right past the restaurant.

Hey, Giordan.os is right there. You passed it.
I know. That's cuz we aren't going.
Why not?
I just want to go home.
So Fucking Ridiculous!!!
I'm ridiculous? You crying over some pizza.
Okay, just don't talk to me for the rest of the trip.
I didn't plan to.
And don't ask me to drive either. The car is in your name remember.
Fine, I can drive the whole way! You can't drive anyway. I don't need you!
Good, cuz you don't have me anymore.

*silence* - The car ride alternated between silence and loud gospel music, but no conversation. When we stopped for gas, I bought a CD player and some headphones and listened to underground hip hop music the rest of the ride. I didn't sleep, I just stared out the window alone with my thoughts. Before I knew it, I started recognizing the highway signs. I was almost home. I never thought I would be so happy to see Marietta, Ga! I got out the car, got my stuff and walked up the stairs to my apartment. Tweety followed me up.

You need to use the bathroom or something?
Shouldn't we talk about this?
Ain't nothing to talk about. If you need to rest, come on up. Feel free to take the bed. I'll be out here in the living room.
You don't have anything to say?
Nah, not really. We took a trip together and it turned out to be the worst idea ever. We both know that. Nothing left to say.
So, its over...
Uh...yeah. I think that would be a fair assessment.

She stayed for a few more hours then drove back home to Hanganiggaville. We didn't talk for a couple of weeks. Somehow, we got back together. I can't even explain how it happened, but we stayed together for another 6 months before we finally realized that we would be much better as friends. We just were not meant to be in a relationship. Tweety knows that I tell this story all the time, and knew that I would eventually tell it on my blog. I had to. This was the craziest relationship story I have, and it is all 100% true, well maybe 98%. I'm sure I embellished a little. Thanks for reading. We now return you to your regularly scheduled lives.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

The Road Trip From Hell!!!: Day 2

Click Here for Day 1. I'm writing as fast as I can. I been distracted the last week by a mixed up work schedule and other recent revelations. But I think I should get back to it this week.

The Road Trip From Hell!!!: Day 2

We woke up early for a fresh start early the next morning. I was determined to put the previous day's ugliness behind us. Tweety and I got dressed and went to breakfast. Things were okay. If there was any residual resentment, it remained unspoken. We were back to normal. After breakfast we headed back to the hotel and caught the complimentary shuttle to the Mag.ic Kin.gdom. It had been years since I last went to Disn.ey, but what I remembered was that there wasn't really that much to do there if you were over the age of 9. It didn't matter though, Tweety wanted to go, and I wanted to have fun too.

Here's where the story took the inevitable turn for the worse. Tweety knew someone who worked for the same company we worked for that was supposed to get us in free. You know Negroes are all about the hookup and if it was gonna save me $36 each, I was all for it. We were supposed to meet this person at the gate. The only problem is we didn't know what she looked like and she didn't know what we looked at. It was like a blind date situation. Somehow, she was supposed to find us amidst a sea of people. That was a little strange to me. Seemed like an awful lot of work for some free tickets. I wasn't sure why we couldn't just meet the person somewhere else and get the tickets, but apparently our hookup had to let us in the gate. One hour passed and still no sign of the hookup. I was ready to just pay and get on with it, but of course Tweety disagreed.

Why would I leave now when she is on her way?
Can you call her and tell her nevermind?
Why are you so ungrateful? She didn't have to do this.
She hasn't done anything yet. For all I know she was just talking mess.
She wouldn't do that.
Just call her.

Tweety called the hookup and found out what the deal was. Apparently, a family member of the hookup worked at Disn.eyworld and could get us in at the gate. Apparently, this person was running late. Apparently, time was running short and I just wanted to get it over with. Tweety actually said this to me.

If you wanna go, then go. I'm gonna wait for her.
So, I go and then what? You find me in there somewhere? That's crazy.
You the one acting all impatient.
You don't think I have good reason? I'm not gonna leave you here. That makes no sense.

I wanted to go far away from her, and I'm sure she wanted me to leave, but come on now. How I look leaving my girlfriend at the gate while I go into a kiddie park. I sensed another argument coming on, so I did what I always do when faced with that prospect. I compromised. Fine, I'll wait her out. She finally arrived..2 hours late and with not so much as an apology. We walked up to the gate and the hookup talked to the security guard and we were in. Tweety handed the lady some money, and we were finally inside.

How much did you give her?
You mean we waited 2 hours to save $25?
I had to give her something.

That was my way of ending what was about to become an argument. I figured we would just go and have a good time. Nothing was gonna get accomplished by continuing to question each other. We started to walk around the kingdom and were having a relatively good time. But wouldn't you know it, the old argument resurfaced. We were leaning against a wall just watching the people walk by when she brought it back up.

Don't worry about what I did with my money.
Wow, I didn't say a word. Lets just keep it moving
Yeah, but you walking around with an attitude.
Really, its all good. Don't stress it.
Then fix your face. Stop with that smirk.
You really are incapable of letting something go, aren't you. For real, it's all good
Whatever, Rashan!

And she walked off. Stormed off, actually. Now I know I probably should have walked after her but I didn't want to be in her presence at the moment. I needed a break from Tweety and all her dramatics. I also didn't want to chase after her. It was a power play. I know it was a game, and I admit that I didn't want to be the first one to show weakness. When I realized she was not gonna come back, I reluctantly followed behind her. Not close enough for her to see me, but close enough that I could see her. Getting separated amongst the throngs of people wouldn't be cool. I would say at least 20 minutes went by before she turned around and I saw tears in her eyes. I reached out and touched her on the arm to get her attention. With a devilish look on her face she stated:

Don't you fucking grab me!!!

Huh? First that wasn't a grab, don't make me out to be Ike Turner in this bitch. Secondly, that was the first time I had ever heard her curse, outside of the bedroom of course. Thirdly, there was no thirdly, I just wanted to go. I was like let's just leave. This ain't working out right. After a pretty intense "discussion" in front of German tourists, wide eyed kids and mindful security guards we managed again to put it aside. Really, who argues in the happiest place on earth. Rashan and Tweety, that's who?

We had a pretty good time after that, riding the rides, watching her geek out at the sight of her favorite Disn.ey characters, and especially at the laser and fireworks show that night. I was starting to think that the worst was behind us, and as much as I didn't like how it started, I though that we could make something of the rest of the trip. After a full day at the Ma.gic King.dom, we stood in the parking lot waiting for the shuttle to take us back to the hotel. We were exhausted from a full day in the sun, and all the walking. She leaned into me and we actually showed some affection for the first time since leaving my apartment the previous day. It was cool. We had turned the corner. Then we went back to the hotel and fell asleep... in separate beds again. Maybe the tension between us wasn't really over. We'll find out on day three.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Flashback Friday -The Road Trip From Hell!!!

As requested by my homie, Opinionated Diva... Here is a blast from the past. I'm gonna warn you now. This is long and I have not finished it yet. If you would rather wait until I'm done, I'll link them together when I post the conclusion. I'm just telling you now, so you don't get mad at the cliffhanger. On another note, I think I'm running out of interesting stories. I've been trying to write this one for a couple of years, but the story is so much better when I embellish it verbally. I'll see what I can do to make it pop. Chances are if you've ever talked to me, you've already heard this story, but for the rest of you may I present...

The Road Trip From Hell!!! - Day 1

Tweety and I had been together for about 6 months. Everything was running smoothly, probably because I lived in Atlanta and she lived in Hanganiggaville, Tennessee. The long distance thing worked for us. We would see each other every other weekend, and talk on the phone every day. Before we became a couple, we had been friends and although we weren't totally compatible, we managed to put those differences aside. We talked about taking a trip together and decided on Orlando. She was obsessed with going to Disney World, and I was cool with that too. So it was decided. April 2004, we were going to go to Orlando.

I mentioned in my what's wrong with me post, that I don't really make decisions. Well at least that's how I was back then. I was a go with the flow type, she was very particular. She liked things to be a certain way, and if they weren't, then she would get an attitude (If she is reading this, she will say, "how did I get an attitude? I don't have an attitude, I'm just speaking my mind" LOL). Consequently, I let her plan the trip. I know I probably should have had more of a contribution besides giving her my credit card, but really, anything I would have picked would have been vetoed. Plus, I'm not much of a planner, so this worked out for both of us. I was paying for the hotel, she was getting the rental car since she had to drive from TN to ATL to scoop me up.

The trip started out great. She arrived at my crib (it was about 3 hours from her) and we chilled out for a minute. It was supposed to take 8 hours to get to Orlando. We planned to arrive around 7, get situated in the hotel and maybe go explore the city a little. Well, that didn't happen according to plan. We had (how do I say this without offending my favorite blog prude, Jameil?) certain biological impulses that needed to be fulfilled before we could leave. And they were fulfilled multiple times followed by deep sleep. Next thing I know, it was getting dark and we had yet to leave Atlanta. After hitting up Ruby Tuesdays for some food (Tweety loved their salad bar) we hit the highway with me in the driver's seat. As we drove down 75, everything was cool. We talked like a normal couple, and after a couple of hours she fell asleep. Then it happened... My enjoyable trip took a turn that started with 6 simple words:

Why are you driving so fast?

Okay, that's me being dramatic. I didn't know at the time that this was gonna be the beginning of the end. But looking back I can see that's where it started. See the thing is, I wasn't really speeding. I was going like 5 miles over the limit. She had woken up to tell me to slow down.

I got this. Just go back to sleep, baby.

And she did... for about 5 more minutes. That's when more questions came up. They didn't come this rapidly, but for the sake of the blog I'll just list them all now.

Why are you swerving? Why are you listening to that? What are trying to do.. run into the back of the truck? Why don't you turn on the defrost? Why are you chewing that gum so hard? Why didn't you get gas yet? Why? Why? Why?

If I heard "why" one more time, I was gonna go crazy. Instead, I just calmly asked if she wanted to drive. I figured that she was just cranky about sleeping in the car. I pulled into a rest station to stretch my legs and change seats with Tweety. She went to the restroom, and as I stood outside waiting for her, I thought to myself "what is happening here?" You know I talk to myself, so I convinced myself that everything was cool. Just go to sleep and when you wake up, you'll be that much closer to the hotel. I bought us a couple of waters and an ice cream sandwich from the vending machine. As we walked back to the car, I handed her the ice cream.

Why did you get me this? I didn't ask for ice cream.

*sigh* Apparently, I couldn't do anything right so I just sat there and ate the ice cream I bought for her. Forget my lactose intolerence, if it will get her to shut up, I'll just deal with it. I fell asleep to the sounds of Ruben Studdard while Tweety drove. I was sleep for a good 10 minutes when I was jarred from my slumber by the sounds of shouting. Or at least I thought that's what it was. Apparently that's how you are supposed to sing gospel music. I didn't know that's what was hot in the church. But yeah, the shouting woke me up and I instinctively turned the volume down a notch.

Why are you turning my music down?

There was that word again. I couldn't take it much more. I was getting really annoyed. I couldn't even sleep in peace. If I didn't know any better I would think Tweety was annoying me on purpose. There really was no other explanation. We had had disagreements in the past, but never had we had a fight. I felt it coming on. And I hate arguing. I tried to just sit in my seat and not say the first sarcastic comment that came to mind and for the most part I was sucessful. I just dealt with it. Loud gospel music, jerking the steering wheel, incessant use of the word "why"? Not a problem, I'm bigger than this. Besides, I'm on my way to the happiest place on earth. I can't be mad, can I? I spent the rest of the car ride in as much silence as I could muster to avoid saying something else that would make Tweety upset, even though I wasn't sure what I actually had done. By the time we got to the hotel, it was 4 in the morning. I was happy that the road trip from hell was over. I just wanted to get in the room, take a shower, and sleep the stress away.

We pulled up to the hotel. I can't remember (more accurately, I've blocked it from my memory) which one it was, but it was not exactly what I was expecting. It was close to the Dis.ney theme parks, but looked like it was built in the 1950's and may not have been painted since then. It definitely didn't seem like a $100 a night hotel. As we entered the room, I made the mistake of actually expressing an opinion.

This doesn't really look like what you showed me online.

Well, if you woulda participated...

Hold on. I'm not criticizing you. I'm just saying

I know what you are saying, Rashan!

Whatever, Tweety. I'm bout to go take a shower. (under breath) If this cheap ass hotel actually has running water.

What did you say?

Huh? nuthing.

By the time I got out the shower, Tweety was sleep diagonally across one of the queen beds in the room. I laid down on the other and fell out hoping that tomorrow would be a better day. I couldn't believe that 8 hours in a car could be so nerve wracking. But it was. If only that was the worst part... what was yet to occur took it to a whole 'notha level!

Thursday, February 7, 2008

See This Face?

See this face? This is the face of a man who has slept approximately 12 minutes in the last 24 hours. Justifiably, he is out of his damn mind a little silly right now. (I finally looked up how to do the strike through!!!) He knows he should be sleeping, but he can't. He's done just about everything shy of taking a sleeping pill (I didn't think about it until it was too late) to fall asleep. Chamomile tea? Didn't work. Exercise? Didn't work. The History Channel? Didn't work. Hot shower? Didn't work. (That other thing that you are gonna tell me to do was not a possibility right now.) Here he sits knowing fully well he has to get ready for work in a couple of hours, but can't fall asleep. He also knows that he is speaking in the third person and he is enjoying that very much. His sleep clock is all out of whack and nothing except staying up all night and trying again tomorrow is going to help. Just in case you couldn't tell how sleep deprived I am right now, here's another picture.

For some reason, I decided to start playing with the camera. I know that once I publish this post, I will probably regret posting these unflattering pictures of myself, but I don't care right now. I am doing stuff I probably wouldn't do if I had my normal 5-6 hours of sleep. I also know that I am now talking in the first person. I would like to share another picture with you. I call this one the Dre face:
This one is a throwback to like 1994. An obscure moment in Dr. Dr.e's Le.t Me R.ide video, when Dr.e looks disgusted with a young lady that gets in his car. I should probably find the video. Hold on, I'll be right back...(jeopardy theme plays) Okay, I'm back. Here it is. Fast forward to 4:20. It's just after the girl gets in the car. Okay, this looks nothing like I remembered but Kareem and I used to do that face all the time to express "blowedness." We also used to have the NWA mean mug face. It went a little like this.

After taking these crazy pictures, I tried to balance it out by taking a normal smiling picture. It didn't really work. This is the closest I could muster to a full smile. My eyes wouldn't open all the way either. But don't I look so sincere? LOL

Forget it, let me just go to sleep for 1 hour. Go on and tell me how crazy I am. I'm ready for it. Diva, I'm a need your help staying awake at work, so get prepared for some emails. LOL. The rest of you better write some interesting posts today. I need that in my life to survive training. Did I mention how pretty my trainer is? Man, I hope I don't stare. I have a tendency to fixate when I'm sleepy. One final picture before I go. This is the arthouse picture. It conveys my fragile emotional state how tired I actually am. And all you blog stalkers, don't be saving my pictures to your computer and telling your friends that I'm your man. You know who you are. LOL. That was a total joke. Don't go reading anything into that statement. Okay, I'm out for real now. Enough craziness for one early morning.
Yours Truly,
The Insomniac Camera Whore: Rashan Jamal.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Super Tuesday

It's Super Tuesday and I was all set to stay up until the polling places opened up and cast my ballot. Not that its anyone's business, but I plan to Barack The Vote tomorrow. The polls open at 7, and since I'm usually up at that time anyway, it makes sense to get it out of the way first thing in the AM. That was my plan at least.

You know what they say about the best laid plans... I can't do my voting early in the morning. Why, you ask? Cuz I have to be at work at 8:00 in the morning tomorrow. That's a huge adjustment for me. My normal work time is 4:30-1:00. That works perfectly for me. I stay up all night, and sleep all day. I can usually manage to stay in the bed until 2:00, 2:15 at the latest. That's why you always see me blog commenting in the wee hours of the morning, much later than most people. But I actually got a promotion that I just found about today when I got to work and training starts at 8. This was a promotion that I didn't really have my heart set on, I just did it so I could get away from what I was doing now. I was starting to get burnt out doing the mindless job. Don't get me wrong it requires skill, but after being in management for the previous 2 years, it was like taking a step backwards.

The hiring manager called me at 1:30 on Friday to have a phone interview. I was grossly unprepared since I had not heard anything from them in the previous 2 weeks. I almost forgot that I applied. Luckily, I know how to answer interview questions since I was on the other side of the interview process for a long time. I managed to BS my way through the so called interview and provide quick answers. I had no idea what kind of timeframe we were looking at to make a decision. Apparently, the decision was already made since as soon as I got to work today, I had an email telling me when and where training was. The whole process was kind of bootleg, but I'm not gonna knock it, as it worked out in my favor. I was supposed to work until 1 this morning, but since I had to be at work for training bright and early, I knocked off early today. Unfortunately, my sleep pattern still thinks I can stay up until the sun comes up. Yep, I'm a be dragging tomorrow, but I'll get a nap after work tomorrow.

Back to the original point. Tomorrow is Super Tuesday. I'm still gonna Barack the vote, but I'll have to do it after work. After a long ride home in rush hour traffic. After the need for sleep has fully hit me. But I gotta do what I gotta do, right? The only reason I didn't do the early voting thing is that I wanted to rock my I VOTED sticker to work. I know that's a crazy reason, but thats the truth. Now I'll have to get it after work. I hope all of you that are in one of the Super Tuesday states exercise your constitutional right. It's vote or die, baby! (That reminds me of the South Park episode where P. Diddy was threatening people that didn't vote. Watch the last 1:10 of this video and prepare to laugh your ass off. "Vote Bitch or I Will Muthafucking Kill You" SO FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!) Anyway, I better try to get about 3 hours of sleep. I'll holla at y'all later.