Monday, July 30, 2007

All Eyes on Me

Yes, the title is a Tupac quote, and no, I still don't like Tupac, but the quote was appropriate in describing my Saturday. I went to a wedding shower for my good friends K and E, who are (hopefully) getting married on September 1st. I was reminded why I always keep my friends and my girls separate. I went solo, as I always do, but for once I wasn't a 5th wheel. I had my time occupied this time by a young lady (and this time, she is single). I'll call her PHD, because she is getting her PH.D in psychology. All eyes were on me because I was actually interacting with a female in front of my friends as well as some old coworkers.

The function started at 2:00 and I deliberately didn't show up until almost 4pm, because I knew that my people just don't start on time. I meant my friends, not Black people. LOL. When I got there, PHD, who is one of K's friends that they have been trying to set me up with for damn near a year was there. I took the opportunity to pick her brain a little and we had some good conversation. The party was downstairs in the basement, but because of the oppressive heat down there, I chilled upstairs for the most part with PHD. As we talked, people kept coming upstairs and observing us. I guess they were shocked that I actually was politicking instead of being my normal anti social self. They don't really see that side of me as I generally keep to myself and the crew when I hang out with them. But PHD was intriguing, so I kind of forgot about the party for awhile.

At some point, I went back downstairs to refresh my libation, and that 's when the interrogation started. The ex coworkers wanted to know the scoop.

"Is that your girlfriend?" Nah

"You tryna to holla at her?" Mind your business

"What y'all talking about for so long?" Stuff.

"Did you get her number?" Yes, now leave me alone.

"Y'all acting like ain't nobody else here" So what! Can I go back upstairs now?

"I thought you left. You been upstairs the whole time?" No, I'm not even here now. You are talking to an apparition.

Yeah, so all eyes were on me. It felt like when I was in high school and my homeboys were trying to boost me up to get some girls number. Just leave me alone and let me handle mine. But it was all good. I went up and talked to her a while longer until she left. It was cool. We'll see how it goes, but you know me. I'll find a way to mess it up.

After she left, I rejoined the party and tried to play it off to no avail. I was suddenly the topic of every one's conversation, which I couldn't quite understand. Is it that shocking that I actually have some social skills? Well I guess it is, because in the 5 years I been hanging out with these cats, I have never brought a woman around them. (Well, once, but she was already part of the group at the time and they never let me live that down.) And after this experience I probably wont do it for another 5. After a couple more hours of drinking, playing cards and getting teased, I called it a night and headed home. It was pretty much an all day thing and I actually went out and had some fun this weekend.

Afterthought: I thought about this after I had already written the post, so I thought I would add it. The wedding is gonna be in Vegas. They want me to fly out with them but I'm kind of hesitant. This will be the third attempt at a wedding (that's a whole 'nother post) and I don't wanna buy a ticket and have them change their mind again. The only thing that has me considering it is PHD is gonna be there and she wants me to come. It might be cool to hang out in Sin City with a new friend. We'll see how it goes. I guess I have to decide pretty soon since it's only a month away. Anyway, its getting late, so I'll try to get some sleep now. Happy Monday!!!

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Stuff I Don't Understand

I'm a couple of days late posting, but I still don't feel inclined to write a substantial post, so I'm just gonna post a few things that crossed my mind that I don't understand. I just don't get the following:

Bathing Apes: What the hell is a bathing ape? I know it's some kind of clothing line, but what is the significance of it? Is it like the new Cross Colours or FUBU? Why is it mentioned in every down south rap song? I must really be out of the loop.

Yahoo answers: Why do you ask questions of complete strangers and expect to get a straight answer? Whenever I'm on Yahoo sports, there are always inane questions like "who is the ugliest quarterback?" or "Do I need to wear a jock strap while running track?" The questions are stupid and the answers are even stupider.

Private Blogs: Relax, I'm not just talking about you, Wonder Woman. If you only want a few people to know your thoughts, can't you just text or call them? If we all had private blogs, there would be no blogosphere or no discovery of like minded or talented people. Basically, none of us would know each other. To me, it kind of defeats the purpose of sharing your thoughts anonymously over the internet.

R. Freakin Kelly: I don't understand how he can keep making the corniest songs out there and I still like them. Have you heard the "Same Girl' remix with T-Pain. It is so bad, that its good. And then he has the nerve to channel Michael Jackson at the end of the song. I don't know what is worse: the song or the fact that I listen to it.

The Georgia Department of Transportation: If you know there's gonna be mad traffic on I 75, why would you schedule road construction right before rush hour? It shouldn't take me an hour to go 10 miles.

And that's it for today's paltry post. I'm about to get some sleep, since this damn allergy medicine got me high like Bobby and Whitney (see R. Kelly's Same Girl remix). Hopefully, I will get inspired and write something less random tomorrow, but if not, then have a good weekend.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Guilty Until Proven Innocent aka Dog Sh*t

My quarterback is all over the news this week. Michael Vick has been accused of being part of a dog fighting ring. Even though he hasn't been to court yet, we got all kind of protests against him. I expected PETA to come down on him, but Russell Simmons (who is quickly becoming one of my least favorite people) didn't have to join in yet. I mean, lets hear the evidence before we convict him. The media has him convicted before the trial date is set. But let's just say for arguments sake that Mike is guilty. Is it really that bad?

I know, dog lovers will probably boycott my ass, but I'm not condoning dogfighting. What I am saying is in the grand scheme of things, is dogfighting any worse than hunting? I mean hunting is considered a sport. The vice president of our country can go out and shoot poor defenseless animals (and his homeboy) and nobody says anything about it. There are hunting shows on ESPN every Saturday morning. Fathers take their sons out to learn how to kill animals as a rite of passage. They aren't doing this for food. They are doing it for the thrill of the kill. At least with dog fighting, the animal has a chance to defend himself. Tell me how Bambi's mother can defend herself from a Remington semi automatic fired by someone hiding in the woods.

I read all 19 pages of the indictment against Michael Vick...AKA Ookie (that's an even worse alias than Ron Mexico.) A lot of what's in the indictment is based on anonymous snitches. I counted 4 cooperating witnesses in the complaint. I don't know what other kind of evidence they will present at trial, but I don't think you can attack a man's livelihood based on the word of people who were allegedly involved in the same crime that they are accusing Vick of. We all know that there are haters in the world, and until some proof is offered, let Vick play football. At the same time, I can understand if Nike or the other companies don't want to have him advertising for them, but let the man do his job. Let me have at least one more season of playoff football before you make an example of another rich Black man.

The hysteria is getting ridiculous. People are madder at Vick than they are at George Bush, who is sending thousands of PEOPLE to their deaths with the fabricated war in Iraq. (Speaking of Iraq, didn't we win that war like 3 years ago? Why are we still there?) I know one thing has nothing to do with another, but I just want to keep the perspective that we are talking about pit bulls, not humans. The same pit bulls that everybody wants put to death when they maul some little girl. The same pit bulls that are banned in Denver. The same pit bulls that PETA wants banned in South Carolina. You don't believe me, read the link. So let's just say for arguments sake, Mike Vick is guilty. If you aren't willing to prosecute people who hunt for sport, then you shouldn't prosecute Mike Vick, at least not until Atlanta wins a Super Bowl. At the very least, don't rush to judgement until all the facts come out(remember the Duke Lacrosse team? That shit had the blog world going nuts.) As for my opinion?? My Blackness won't let me admit that he is guilty which is code for "yeah, he probably did that shit, but I hope he didn't." I guess even amongst his supporters, Mike Vick is guilty until proven innocent. What do you think? Guilty, Innocent, or Waiting to See???

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Tag... I'm It.

Tenacious tagged me with this one. I'm not going to tag anyone, much less 8 people. I don't have 8 people reading this thing anymore. LOL. What could I tell you that I haven't already disclosed? I'll try and I apologize if any of these are repeats.

Rules: 1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts. 2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves. 3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. 4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. 5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. I really do have a split personality. It hasn't been diagnosed, but I really can alternate between being the nicest person in the world and the biggest jerk in the world. This can often happen within the course of the same conversation.
2. When I was a teenager, I used to think I was going to die young and was terrified. I would have hour long philosophy sessions with myself about what happens after you die.
3. If a random rap lyric pops in my head, I can't function until I figure out what song, what album and what artist it's from. For example, the other day for some reason the following lyric popped in my head. "I'm living through my son, so Daddy sees it this way/I want him in the NFL, his brother in the NBA" I knew it was Pete Rock and CL Smooth, but I couldn't remember what song so I had to basically rap the whole song to figure out it was "Take You There" off "The Main Ingredient" album before I could move on.
4. I honestly don't think I will ever get married. I don't think anybody I can put up with for an extended amount of time can put up with me for an extended amount of time.
5. I always know way more than I tell. People have the tendency to tell me secrets that I already know. I just pretend like its news to me.
6. When I was a kid, my dream career was to be in advertising. Then as I got older, I realized that commercials usually make no sense and my brain didn't work like that. Like who the hell, came up with the creepy Burger King King? As insane as my brain is, I would never think that a big headed King peeping through a window would help sell hamburgers.
7. I went to my first hip hop concert when I was 10. There was a teen club in Spring Valley, whose name I can't remember. But T-LA Rock was performing (I know nobody problem knows who that is, but back in 1985, he was the shit.) I went with my sister and this Puerto Rican dude named Brian accidentally burned me with his cigarette.
8. I have false memories from when I was a kid. I remember my apartment burning down when we lived in DC when I was like 3. I also remember my mother working for Jimmy Carter and me participating in the Easter Egg hunt on the White House lawn. The only problem is my mother says none of that happened.

Like I said, I ain't tagging nobody, but if you wanna do it, its all good. And since this was a completely random post, here's a completely random picture that I took today after leaving the barbershop.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Tell The Truth Tuesday: BET

Come on, BET! Tell the truth. We already know what the deal is, but we want to hear you admit it. Just admit it. We are all grown men and women and we can handle it. You don't have to make up stories, just come out and tell the truth!

What am I talking about? Well, I don't know if everybody has heard about it, but BET is producing a TV show called "Hot Ghetto Mess" based on the website of the same name. I'll even put the link here so you can check it out if you choose. The premise of the show supposedly, (and I say supposedly because it hasn't aired yet so I haven't seen it) is user made home videos and on the street interviews that spotlight those embarrassing so called "ghetto" aspects of the community. You know, the images that make you say "damn, that's ghetto!" Like the outlandish prom pictures with the wild hairstyles and age inappropriate dresses, or the crazy things that some people do to their cars, or just basic tomfoolery and hood repping at the club. Well, the Black man's favorite channel is premiering a show that brings these images out of the forwarded email stage to basic cable.

Now, not surprisingly, BET is getting a little backlash about this kind of programming. Post- Don Imus, anything with racial implications is in the spotlight; controversy was sure to follow a show so descriptively entitled "Hot Ghetto Mess." But this time it's not just the usual suspects protesting. I'm sure they will have something to say, but the illustrious Reverends Al and Jesse will not be by themselves. The Home Depot and State Farm have reportedly decided that they do not want to advertise on the show effectively putting their money where their mouth is. For their part, at least I can say that BET has not cracked under the pressure...yet. But here is where my problem comes in. BET is trying to make it seem that "Hot Ghetto Mess" is a tool for social change. Like Black people will look at these images and be inspired to be less ghetto. The following quote is from the BET website about the show:

"Cutting edge, original, relevant and irreverent, "Hot Ghetto Mess" is like the traffic accident you can't look away from. Viewers will laugh. They'll cry. They'll think. They'll learn, and hopefully they'll recognize they've GOT to do better."

I'm sorry, but I have to resurrect the word that we buried last week: NIGGA PLEASE!!! Who da hell do you think you are fooling? This show is exploitation plain and simple. It is designed for us to laugh at people. We all laugh at people that are different than us. People we think are ghetto, or country, or bougie, or stuck up are the objects of our ridicule. Even the most conscious of us sometimes have moments when we will pass judgment on someone else's behavior. I'm not even knocking the show for airing our dirty laundry, although my personal opinion is that some shit we need to keep to ourselves. My biggest problem with BET is that they are full of shit, trying to pass this show off as social commentary.

So, dammit BET, just tell the truth. Tell us that this show is inexpensive to produce so it fits your bottom line. Tell the world that this show will appeal to the baser desires of your viewership and therefore will be a hit. Tell the truth for once. The truth is that half of the shows already on BET could be titled "Hot Ghetto Mess", and as much as I loved the show growing up, this includes Rap City. Tell the damn truth, BET! Tell us that coonery worked on VH1 with Flava Flav, so you thought you would give it a try. Tell the truth! Tell the world that nobody watches BET News, but they will watch the same episode of ComicView over and over again. That's why you have a show called "Hot Ghetto Mess" You know good and damn well that you are not trying to change the world. I would respect you much more if you said it was just entertainment. I don't believe in censorship of any kind, so I'm not saying that this show should not on the air. I'll let the more dedicated bloggers and activists lead the protest. I'm just saying... damn, BET tell the fuckin truth!!! This show is a "hot ghetto mess" and you know it.

Monday, July 16, 2007

The Eagle Part 2

So, "the eagle" had landed. My grandmother had her new car, so it would only be a matter of time before the rest of us got paid, right? I hated to admit it, but I was wrong. My cynical ass was wrong about "the eagle." It had taken over a year, but it was true. I went in the house and parlayed with my grandmother. Sometime between THE News at 6 on WTOC and Wheel of Fortune, I went outside to check out the car. I checked out the trunk, the CD player, the glove compartment.... What the hell is this???

I pulled out a stack of papers in the glove compartment and was confused to say the least. The paperwork from the dealership seemed to indicate that the car was not actually purchased, but a rental. I didn't know what to do then. Should I ask my grandma about it, or just let it go? She seemed to think that the car was hers, and maybe I was just not reading the paper correctly. So, instead I called my mother. She told me that "the eagle" was coming later in the week, and the dealership let her friend take the car on credit. Okay, it sounded weird to me, but it kinda made sense. I couldn't imagine that a car dealership would give up a brand new car without some hope of getting their money. So I left it alone. I came back to Atlanta and waited again...

A couple weeks later, I hadn't heard anything else about "the eagle." I called my grandmother and she told me that she had another new car. Apparently, since "the eagle" was delayed, they had to give back that car and get another one. At this point, the shit was just ridiculous. I felt bad that my grandmother was getting caught in the middle of this hoax. And I was finally convinced that it was a hoax. But when I tried to bring it up, I was rebuffed.

Would you believe that before it was all said and done, my grandmother had 9 different new cars? I don't understand how the dealership kept giving out cars, and I don't really understand why it didn't strike everybody else as odd that "the eagle" kept being promised, but never came through. I mean at some point, even the greatest optimist has to face facts. Finally, my grandmother just took a stand and told them to stop bringing her cars and got her own. As my family is prone to do, we just stopped talking about it. I never really knew what happened with the eagle until I went to Savannah for a visit a couple of weeks ago and had a conversation with my grandmother. The truth was even worse than my mind could conceive...

My mother's friend's sister's son was really dating this lady. She claimed she was an heiress to a fortune in Hawaii. At various times, it ranged from a few million dollars up to 500 million dollars. The money was supposedly in trust, and was supposed to be distributed on her birthday. And in exchange for being taken in by the family, she was going to share her wealth when she got it. I don't know if she deliberately running a scam or as my grandmother so politely put it "she wasn't all there" but basically the whole story was a lie. She never had any money, but the family bought into her story and thought they were gonna get rich quick. A few of them had quit their jobs, sold their houses in anticipation of getting larger newer homes, and then the truth came out and they were crushed. I think about my family and at least we weren't gullible enough to actually give up jobs or anything. But for real, we got suckered, by a crazy lady. I have to admit, even my cynical non believing ass was going for a minute. But as they say, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

The Eagle Part 1

I'm a firm believer that if something sounds too good to be true, it usually isn't true. A few years ago I experienced something that confirmed that philosophy...

As I recall, I was relaxing after work, watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer when my phone rang. It was my mother. After hesitating for a moment, I decided to answer.


"Hey, my son. How are you?"

"I'm good, just got home from work. How are you?"

"I need you to get all your bills together and let me know how much you owe"

"Huh?" I was a little confused.

"All your student loans and everything. I'm gonna pay them off"

"What did you hit the lottery?" I joked.

"No, I'll be coming into some money soon and I'll be able to take care of everything."

With that exchange, I was introduced to what me and my siblings dubbed "The Eagle." As in "The Eagle Has Landed." To us, financial security was akin to Neil Armstrong walking on the moon. A miraculous event that we never imagined would happen in our lifetime. Some time later, I talked to my sister and brother and discovered that my mother had similar conversations with them. We didn't know where the money was coming from, and you know my skepticism was on heightened alert. Over the following days and weeks, my mother cryptically started dropping hints about the source of our sudden windfall. Eventually, we got the full details.

Okay, stay with me, because the next sentence is kind of confusing. It turns out that my mother had a friend who had a sister who had a son who was dating a wealthy woman. In addition to being wealthy, she was also apparently very generous and wanted to share her wealth. The only problem was that she didn't have the money yet. This woman, whose name I do not know to this day, purported that she was about to receive her full trust fund, that was supposedly worth millions. When I heard the whole story, I was taken aback. Why would some women whom we don't even know want to give us money? But my mother swore it was genuine, so I waited to see if this thing that sounded too good to be true was real.

Weeks passed, followed by months. As time went by, the promises also grew. Now instead of just having my student loans paid off, my siblings and I were now supposed to also receive $10,000 each. My grandmother was going to get a new car in addition to getting her house remodeled. I can't remember how much my mom was supposed to get, but it was in the 6 figures. All from some lady that I have never seen, talked to, emailed, shared a cab ride with, nothing. Occasionally, we would bring "The Eagle" up to my mom, and were told that things were delayed, or there was a hold up with the lawyer. I really started to think it was not going to happen. It even became a running joke with me, my brother and sister. Like if someone needed to borrow $5, it would be "wait 'til 'the eagle' lands" or "I sure wish 'the eagle' would come so I can put some gas in the car." I think we all knew deep down it wasn't going to happen, but no one wanted to admit it.

Fast forward a year. "The Eagle" still had not landed, but by this time I wasn't even thinking about it anymore. If someone brought it up, I would change the subject or grumble "man, ain't no damn eagle." I didn't want to invest any more false hope into something that didn't feel right to begin with. I had recently been promoted at my job and was doing all right for myself. I wasn't rich by any means, but I had money left over after paying bills. In January of '05, I was sent to Savannah for a management conference and of course I skipped out at lunch to go see my grandmother. When I arrived at Grandma's house, I noticed that there was a brand spanking new car in the driveway. She had just got it that same day. Apparently "The Eagle" actually came through...

Part 2 tomorrow...

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The Funeral

So, the NAACP decided to hold a funeral for the N-word. I applaud their intentions, but the realist in me says that it is nothing but a publicity stunt. I mean, really when was the last time anyone even thought about the NAACP as a group that really helps Black people? (POP QUIZ -Who is the leader of the NAACP now? Even if you know the answer without looking it up, I bet 4 out of 5 Black people don't know.) As for my own personal feelings about the funeral, it seems pointless. People who use the word, myself included are not going to automatically stop because of the NAACP. The group lacks any credibility with most young Black people (perhaps because it still says Colored), and even beyond that, the N word is deeply entrenched in our community. I wrote a paper back in college about the n word and its pervasiveness in our society. I wish I could find it, but basically my research showed that this word is deeply ingrained and has been since slavery times.

But since we are having funerals, why not have some more? I'm sure we can improve the Black community with a few well timed memorial services. For instance, can we get a funeral for crack and AIDS? I mean, they have done more damage to our people than a pejorative that many don't even see as demeaning. Marion Barry and Magic Johnson can give the eulogies. Maybe if we say crack and AIDS are dead, they will go away.

I'm waiting for the funeral for deadbeat dads (and moms for that matter.) How long do we have to wait before we take a stand on this? This is affecting the most innocent in our community. When I hear about men who have 5 or more kids and don't pay child support, it makes me wonder how we as a community can allow this to happen. It also makes me question why these women continue to procreate with these men. At some point, you have to insist on a condom and we have to insist that our men take responsibility for their children.

How about a funeral for Black men wearing women's clothes and acting like Mammy in the movies? Aiight, full disclosure, I liked Big Momma's House, but now with Tyler Perry and Eddie Murphy doing it, it just is getting ridiculous. It seems to me that its crossed the line from comedy to buffoonery, but that could just be me being overly sensitive. At any rate, if you want to have those type of characters in your movies, you can at least let Irma P Hall get a job. She can play a Mammy just as well. Those images of emasculated men can be just as bad as the n word.

Funeral services are needed for those God-awful Comic View, Def Comedy, Bad Boys of Comedy comedians. There's always an outcry about rappers content, but you never really hear anything about these comedy shows. How many times can people perform pale imitations of Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy before somebody realizes that its not funny? How many "Black people do this, White people do that" jokes are their gonna be. I get it, your Black mother will beat your ass, and White mother's send their kids to timeout. It's not funny, but even worse than that, its unoriginal. These wack comedians talk about sex, violence and drugs just as much as your average wack rapper, but seem to get a pass from the community since it's entertainment. I even saw Katt Williams on Tavis Smiley's show the other day. Ain't he playing a pimp role? What's so different between him and Snoop? So when's the funeral?

Can we get a funeral for the pig? I like bacon and pork chops as much as the next man, but with all the hypertension and heart disease in the Black community, perhaps we need to lay off the swine. I'm no Muslim, and I'm not going to stop eating ham on Easter, but the pigs feet, chitlins and other assorted pig parts are far worse for our people than the n word. If you want to start somewhere, lets start with what's killing us.

I sincerely hope that the n word funeral has a positive outcome. My worry is that it only brings attention to a word that is used in the Black community differently than it is used in other communities. I fear that with this added debate over the word, you will have people of other races trying to justify their usage of the n word. I understand why the NAACP wants to stop using the n word, although I don't necessarily agree with their reasoning; I just think that there are far more serious problems facing the Black community. I also feel burying the n word is just the first step towards censorship, particularly censorship of hip hop. The next logical step is going to be trying to control the content of the music and that is just unacceptable in America. After all, Freedom of Speech is not just for the enlightened and conscious. And I'm getting off my soapbox now! Have a good day, my nig.. I mean everybody.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

*cough *cough* *wheeze* *sniff*

Random Thought Of The Day: I like that song "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse, but does it really have to be on VH1 every time I flip through the channels? If that video isn't on, then Screech is on Fit Club acting a damn fool.

Just when I thought I had reached my weird occurrence quota, something else popped up. I recently became allergic to my crib. I have had allergies before when I was a teenager, but until last year I thought I was cured. Last year was really messed up, I hope it don't go down like that again. Here is a recap of my weeklong struggle with my allergies.

Day 1: After another long night of not sleeping, I noticed that I started coughing, sneezing, wheezing and I had a runny nose. I figured that it was just a little cold. I proactively went to Walgreens and got some cold medicine thinking that it was just a temporary thing. I took the medicine and felt better.

Day 2: I was in Savannah for the night and didn't have any symptoms so I thought I was all better.

Day 3: I came back home and within 5 minutes of being in the crib, I started wheezing and itching. Then came the black lung cough. I figured it was allergies and took some more medicine. I didn't get any better this time though. I was up all night coughing.

Day 4: I was still coughing in the early afternoon after getting a couple of hours of sleep. I went to work and noticed about half way there, I was no longer coughing. That led me to believe that I was allergic to something in the house. Could it be a result of the dusting from a couple of days ago? Could it be the guinea pigs I am looking after while my sister and her kids are in Savannah for a couple of weeks? I decided after doing some internet searching at work that it was mold. Not just any mold, toxic mold. I know that was an extreme diagnosis, but I did have reason to suspect it. There was a flood in the apartment directly above mine which seeped downstairs and left an ugly brown stain on the ceiling. But that was many months ago and if I was going to have mold, then it would have manifested long ago. Regardless of that, I decided that somewhere in the house there was mold and when I got home from work, I went on mad hunt to find it.

Day 5: I checked all the areas that mold is likely to grow, but I didn't find any. So, I emptied out a can of Lysol disinfectant all over the apartment trying to kill whatever hidden germs and irritants that were making me sick. Again, I was only ill at home. When I was in the car or at work, or at my mom's house, I had no problem. It was only home sweet home that gave me respiratory distress. It was probably psychosomatic, but after spraying down just about every surface in sight, I felt better. I even got a good night's sleep.

Day 6: I woke up feeling pretty good, but by the time I went to work, my allergies were back. This time in addition to the coughing fits and near asthma attacks, my eyes were red and swollen. Good thing I have glasses now, because if I was rocking my contacts, they would have fallen out from all the excess tears I had. I went back on the internet trying to find out what could be the problem. I found a webmd article about indoor allergies and that just made me even sicker. Every thing I read about that causes allergies was just plain nasty. Like pet dander. I found out that its not the fur like I thought that causes it but, urine drying on the pets skin that breaks off and gets in the air. I wanted to put Speedy and Mane (the guinea pigs) outside and let them fend for themselves. Then I read about cockroach debris. And yes it is just as nasty as it sounds. There are dried up dead roach carcasses in the air that we breathe and it supposedly very common in the South, even if you don't see them. At that point, I decided not to read any further because it was creeping me out. I didn't want to know what else is in the air.

Day 7: This is today. I read some more about how to control indoor allergies. I am right now in the process of washing every piece of clothing in the house. They also suggested that I open the windows for at least an hour to let some of the allergens out. That worked well for about 30 minutes until the Mexicans decided to start cutting the grass at 8AM and blew grass and dirt through the window. It seems to be working at least temporarily. I haven't coughed in 6 minutes, so that's a start. I also have to get a new vacuum because apparently my old hand me down only blows the allergens back into the air, so I have to get a specific type of vacuum to get everything out of the carpet and couches. And if none of this works, I might just have to burn this mutha down and start over somewhere else.