Thursday Thirteen: 13 (okay, just 12) Misspelings* On The Same Document

I promise this is true... These are from a document that someone was passing out to the new hire training class I'm helping train. Needless to say I snatched the papers up as quickly as I could. I sent Diva an email last week with the subject line "I work with idiots..." Never more true than today... I was studying the document intently trying to find a thirteenth, but I guess I'll just have to roll with twelve today....

1. appropiate (appropriate)
2. disclousure (meant disclosure, but typed it wrong twice)
3.inmediatelly (immediately)
4. privasy (privacy)
5. awared (meant to be aware)
6. producktivity (for real, where did the K come from?)
7. sell (meant "sale")
8. an (meant" and")
9. and (meant "an")
10. carreer (I can almost give this one a pass based on the rest of the misspellings.)
11. transitionalize (don't ask what they were trying to say.)
12. assistants (assistance)
13.. I couldn't find another one. Darn it!!!

Yep, I work with idiots. Let me find out who came up with document and I'm going upside their head with a Funk and Wagnall's

*yes, I spelled it wrong on purpose. It's irony. Get it? LOL*

Thursday Thirteen: What I've Been Doing In The Week Since I've Blogged.

1. Getting a concussion. A mild one, but my head was hurting for 2 days. I got hit in the bumper on I 75. I’m cool. Thanks for your concern. LOL

2. Hanging out with Jameil. She came down Tuesday!!!

3. Watching inordinate amounts of Dexter. I got a couple of DVDs from Netflix, and then instead of waiting for the rest, I downloaded the rest of season 2 and 3. 24 episodes in a weekend.

4. Watching an inordinate amount of “Weeds.” After I got done with “Dexter”, I moved on to Weeds. Downloaded the 4th season of that.

5. Making excuses for not blogging. Honestly, I didn’t feel like it, so I didn’t do it. *Insertlameexcusehere*

6. Coming up with a plan to rule the world. Well, not exactly world domination, but I need to make moves. The writing is on the wall at work, and I need to have a plan.

7. Doing as much of nothing as possible at work. Between the slow times and the computer issues, a couple of days I shouldn’t even be there. It’s like a full time job not to go home early. (although I’m salaried, they take that time out of my check.)

8. Not calling people back, or not responding to emails. Umm, yeah, you all know that’s how I roll.

9. Making fun of people. Since it’s been so slow at work, this gives me lots of time for laughing and joking with the co workers. The more they talk, the more ammunition they give me for comedy. I wish I would have blogged about some of these situations, as they cracked me up.

10. Getting harassed by Aries. You saw the post last week from the old girl that I haven’t seen since 97. I got another facebook message from a different Aries who evidently neglects to see all the pictures of me and Jameil. Come on, Aries women, stop trying to get at me. LOL

11. Starting and stopping writing. I got drafts both in blogger and in my work email that I haven’t finished. At least when I finally decide to become a full time blogger, I won’t have far to go to find ideas.

12. Becoming more and more frustrated with the co workers incessant talk about losing weight. How many crazy diet ideas can you try, before you decide to bite the bullet and actually walk down that one flight of stairs. At the very least don’t talk loudly about your BMs and your colon cleansing. I don’t want to know about it.

13. Teased people to their faces... and they didn't catch on. We had a meeting the other day at work. This guy was supposed to be facilitating it, but knew nothing of what he spoke. After 5 minutes of silently mocking, I decided to "help" him. I turned on the overhead projector and found all the answers that he didn't know. I was mocking him, but he really, really thought I was helping him. Everybody cracked up, but at the end of the meeting, he stated "I'm going to look to you for help next meeting." Dog, you didn't even see that I was calling you dumb and undermining your authority. What a waste of sarcasm. LOL

A Late Thursday Thirteen: The Biggest Loser

So, they are doing a Biggest Loser type thing at my job where different teams get together and try to lose weight. You may be thinking, how can Rashan possibly be in opposition to that? Well, I'll tell you. While I'm all for people getting healthy, the team names some of these people are using are just ridiculous. Keep in mind this is a WORK thing... Here are thirteen of my least favorite Biggest Loser - Work Edition Names...

1. Baby Phat
2. Brick Houses
3. Bringing Sexxxy Back
4. Don't Feed The Models
5. Dyme Divas
6. Dynomite Divas
7. Divas Going To Knock Off Pounds
8. Divine Divas
   
9. Dropping It Like It's Hot
10. Keepin It Real
11. Northside Dymes
12. Poundz Krushers
13. Thick Wit It

Why everybody gotta be a diva? LOL. They sent an email to EVERYONE in the building. All departments. All department heads. All executives. Then they proceeded to talk trash to each other...copying EVERYONE on the emails. So ridiculously unprofessional. Or maybe I'm just a hater. I've been known to do that too. LOL

Thursday Thirteen: 13 Lies I've Told

Let me know if you want additional details or a post about any of these.

13 Lies I've Told:

1. Convinced my mom (and myself) that I actually did my science fair project in 7th grade.

2. Told people I was in the Whodini video for “The Freaks Come Out At Night”

3. Convinced stalker ex girlfriend that I was married.

4. Told Bear I didn’t know who robbed him. (Two guesses who it was? LOL)

5. Yeah, I’ll be there at 10 O’ Clock (and then just don’t show up.)

6. I was home all night. Nope, I didn’t go anywhere.

7. No, I didn’t see you. You were there too? Wow, we should have hung out!

8. I’ve never seen that girl outside of work. You know co workers are off limits.

9. No, I wasn’t paying attention. What did she look like?

10. I emailed you that report last night. It must have gotten caught up in my Outlook. I’ll resend it right away.

11. I left my last job as a result of lay offs.

12. Convinced myself that my first fake girlfriend was actually real. (Not like a imaginary friend. I made the story up and forgot it wasn’t true.)

13. I really liked your CD. My favorite song? Uhhh – track 5?

Thursday Thirteen: Things I Do NOT Want At My Wedding.

Thirteen Things I DON'T Want At My Wedding

1. Electric Slide - Or bus stop, or cha cha slide, or whatever new "I'm doing the same organized dance as the other 200 people on the dance floor" dance that's out. I know its a black tradition to throw on the Earth Wind & Fire and sliiiiiide to the left, but that's verbotten at my wedding.

2. Visible tattoos - I was in my cousins wedding and all the bridesmaids, in addition to looking like strippers, had these hideous prison tatts showing on their bare arms and backs. I'm not trying to see a tattoo of your baby daddy who got shot in 04 in my wedding pictures.

3 White Tux - Having worn a white tux in both my aforementioned cousin's and my mother's wedding, I can categorically say that I do NOT look good in a white tux, therefore there will be no white tuxedos in my wedding. *Sidenote* my cousin tricked me into the white tux thing. I got measured in a black tux, and then when I went to pick it up in Dallas, it was white. I was heated, yo!

4 Trendy hairstyles - Let's keep it classy and timeless. (I sound like Puffy.) I don't want my groomsmen rocking cornrows or a fauxhawk. And I don't want the latest ghetto bright hair color for the bridesmaids. Again, these wedding pictures are gonna last a lifetime. Let's try to think about the future.

5. Long sermon - I don't want the officiant to use my wedding as practice for Sunday's sermon. Keep it short and sweet. We can have communion another time.

6. Candles - If I'm gonna be up in a hot church in a monkey suit, last thing I need is more heat radiating and making me hot. I'm a sweater by nature, and I just might be nervous, so let's just pass on the extra open flames. (I've been talked into the Unity Candle - but candles as decoration are out)

7. Exes - Yeah, they can't come. No matter how cool we are, they just gonna have to miss out on this event. I can just see one of my old stalkers showing up trying to object to my impending nuptials. Pass on that.

8. Pinning Money - I think its tacky to pin money on the bride. Plus, I don't really want no one getting that close to her bosoms like that. Bad enough people gonna be hugging and kissing on her all day. LOL - We can do this Godfather style, just hand me an envelope stuffed with cash and we are all good.

9. Cake Fights - I don't like the whole smashing cake in the face thing. I know people get a kick out of it, but shove some cake in my face and see what happens. Nothing? Okay, so I'm all talk, but let me shove cake in Jameil's face and see what happens. LOL.

10. A Mean Wedding Coordinator - I don't want to plan my whole wedding. In fact, I'd like to just show up and say I do. But, I can't take people talking to me all kind of way. I know that the coordinator has a high stress job, but I tend to do the opposite of what I'm ordered to do. They need to watch how they talk to me.

11. A Huge Wedding Party - Some weddings are just too big. You really gotta have all 9 members of Wu-Tang as your groomsman. Do you really need every girl that went to summer camp with you as bridesmaids? And the kids? I love the kids. Kids are cute. But there needs to be a limit to the number of kids you have in your wedding. Not all kids can handle it. You may need to break out the American Idol style tryouts to whittle the list down.

12. No Wedding Crashers - You wanna come? R.S.V.P. I'm thinking that I might need to have bouncers and a velvet rope. You ain't gonna mess up my seating arrangement.

13. Coonin' - No pimpin' down the aisle. No flashing grills. No canes. No oversized T Pain top hats. No Stanky leggin'. None of that ghetto stuff. Be hip hop on your own time.

Late Thursday Thirteen: Things I Don't Understand

1. Dow Jones – I guess since I work in the financial services industry, I should have a better grasp on this thing, but to me, it just seems like legalized gambling. Its like you aren’t really buying anything tangible with your money. You are betting on the future performance of a company. I also know that my 401k is taking a horrendous beating b/c of the stock market. Can I invest in something that is gonna always pay dividends…like cocaine? LOL

2. Obama makes you better – You don’t know how many times I’ve heard since the election that people feel better about themselves because Obama won. So basically what you are saying is that before the election, you felt like a nigger, but now you don’t? Look, I’m mad inspired as well, but I always had a (some would say inflated) high opinion of myself. He can’t make me be something I wasn’t already, nah mean?

3. Gone With The Wind – I made it through an hour of this 4 hour movie, and if I wasn’t black, I could see myself enjoying it. I just don’t know how in good conscience I can ignore the horrific racial undertones and root for these characters that are happily going to war to keep their slaves. I’m trying to just look at the movie on its merits, but I can’t separate reality from the fiction.

4. Weave - Let me start by saying, I have no problem at all with weave. If you wanna rock it, and it looks good, its all good with me. In fact, I don’t care what you do with your hair, as long as it looks good. Howsomever, I’ve recently noticed, that weave is getting out of control again. Where as it got to the point, where it was looking more realistic, lately it seems like we are going back to the old school days of just adding a whole bunch of weave that looks majorly synthetic. Its like an Al B Sure video with the video girls flinging their yarn-y hair all over the place. You can’t think that looks good, can you?

5. Good Hair - People are still talking about good hair? Why yes, they are! I've been letting my hair grow out, partially because I like it, and partially, because I'm too lazy to go to the barbershop. The other day at work, I got told that I had good hair. I must be mixed. I got some of what Obama got in him. I was like, what is this 1964 or something?

6. This thing on my shoulder – Yeah, I thought it was a pimple. Then it started growing and then I thought it was a boil, thanks to WebMd. Now, I don’t know what it is. I won’t go into anymore disgusting detail, but its annoying me.

7. Reality TV – Am I the only one that realizes that most of these shows follow the exact same format? How many different types of competitions can you have? How many terse, dramatic, heavily edited shows can there be? How many crybabies are there in this country? The way they cry at the drop of a hat is just annoying. Full Disclosure: Jameil got me liking Project Runway and True Beauty, but the rest I can’t get with, including Top Chef.

8. Why I was paying for anti virus… when I get free anti virus protection from Comcast? I feel like a chump for that one.

9. My President is Black - I like the song, but when I actually listened to the lyrics, I had to scratch my head. Its full of drug references like most Jeezy song's, but you woulda thought that on an ode to the president, he could have laid off the dreams of being Pablo Escobar. Just for one song, Jeezy? Please???

10. My lateness – I was doing so well. I had started getting to work on time, even early. Now, for the last month, I’ve been arriving at 11:59 or 12:02. If there was some traffic, I could see the problem. The problem is me. I’ve back slided into procrastination. Waking up at the last minute, taking too long in the shower, watching TV instead of getting ready for work. It sucks, I need to fix it. (Step One – Fix, Step Two – It, Step Three – Fix It!!) (fast forward to 6 minutes.)

11. People like me – I don’t get why people still call and text me. I can tell you if I got ignored as many times as I ignore other people, it would be a wrap. I know I suck for this, but I am who I am. I just don't get why people still try.

12 . Smoke detector – Why my smoke detector was beeping all night is a mystery to me. It could be that it needs a new battery if I didn’t replace it just last month. Also, once I took the battery out, why come is it still beeping? And why does it use a 9 volt battery? When was the last time you bought a 9 volt battery? I can answer for me… I had a hand held electronic football game in 8th grade. That was the last thing I had that used one of those, except for my smoke detector.

13. Why my girlfriend made me watch porn - LOL - I can see her jumping up and gesticulating at the computer right now, so I guess I should explain. We've been watching movies together on the phone. I made a list of some movies that were in the UF library and I have on Netflix Instant Viewing. One such movie was a Spanish movie called "Sex and Lucia." While that title should have clued us in that it was a little risque, the description of the movie didn't tell us that there would be like 10 minutes of almost real sex and constant nudity. I can't believe she made me watch that. I feel so violated. LOL

A Very Special Christmas Edition of Thursday Thirteen: 13 Things I Love About Jameil

Merry Christmas, everybody. I'm not sure how many people will be reading, but if you are, here is another collaboration with Jameil. Actually, she hasn't read this ahead of time, but the idea was constructed together. Be sure to check out Jam's list of what she loves about me.

1. Our Long Phone Calls - Being in two different states, the majority of our time is spent on the phone. I love how we can always find something to talk about or even just enjoy each other's silent company as we do different things. I think the longest we've talked on the phone has been 15 hours in one day.

2. Following Dreams - I love that Jameil is following her dream to make documentaries. A lot of people have lofty ideas, but never do anything about them - present company included. I'm so proud that she is actually taking action to make this a reality.

3. Sense of Humor - We have some of the craziest, most hilarious conversations. I wish I could put some of them on the blog sometimes, but I'm not quite sure everybody would get the joke, or if they did get the joke, they may not appreciate us laughing at you. Needless to say, in a 15 hour phone convo, there has to be lots of humor to keep it interesting. Jameil has that part covered.

4. Passion about the news - Okay, this may get on some people's nerves, but I love it. Whenever we are watching any local news show, Jam immediately starts critiquing it. This comes from her background as a news producer. She knows how things should be done, and always points it out if its done incorrectly. I've learned a lot just from hearing her rant about the news, and you know I like learning new stuff.

5. Accepting My Weirdness - I'll be the first to admit that I'm not normal. In fact, I wear weirdness as a badge of honor. This can turn some people off, but Jameil seems to take it in stride. It's a good thing, because my brain isn't turning normal anytime soon. LOL

6. Talking About Anything - I don't know if there is any conversation that is off limits with us. We can talk about the past without any strangeness. We can talk about the future without any nervousness. We can plan our hypothetical kids names without either of us running for the hills. I love that no matter what the topic, we can keep everything in perspective and not have to be all guarded around each other.

7. Long Hugs - When I first see Jam after two or three weeks, you can bet that we are going to be locked in an embrace for several minutes. I can tell that she is genuinely happy to see me, and the feeling is definitely mutual.

8. Making Fun Of Each Other - We are ridiculous with this one. The same way we make fun of other people, we make fun of one another. It's all good natured teasing. She loves to call me old because I am 7 and 3/4ths years older than her. She likes making gay jokes about me since I like a lot of TV shows and movies that most heterosexual black males don't watch (i.e. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Gilmore Girls, etc.) She knows she can do this because I can take a joke. I'm not one of those sensitive cats that's gonna run off crying in a corner because somebody ribbed me. I do the same to her, but I'll leave those off the blog. I'm not crazy, ya know.

9. Food - Whether she cooks or we go out to a restaurant to eat, we gonna eat. And we gonna eat good. And I love that she is not scared to try new places. It's cool being able to go to some new spot and experiencing new culinary delights. I've had situations before where we always went to the same restaurant week after week. We definitely have our go-to spots, but there's always some new food adventure around the corner. Also, she's introduced me to the wonderful world of brunch. Where has that been my whole life?

10. Strong Personality - I love how UN wishy washy Jameil is. She knows what she likes, she knows what she believes in and she doesn't waver. The way she presents her self is the way she is. There's no fakeness in her. I never have to wonder if she is just saying something to keep me happy. If she doesn't agree, she'll tell me forcefully that she doesn't agree. You never have to guess if she feels strongly about something. Jameil is an antonym for the word sycophant.

11. Falling Asleep - I love when we fall asleep together. It feels like the most natural thing in the world, holding her while we watch a movie. Or her rubbing my head til I drift off. It's the sweetest thing. I definitely miss that when I'm not with her.

12. Competition - Lots of things between us are competitions. We've had 3 day long sessions trying to outdo each other. For example, once we had a competition to see who could say the most outrageous thing about a certain blogger. That thing dragged on forever until I finally was tapped out. It started on personal email, moved to work email, and continued on the phone. Neither one of us wants to give in first. These are friendly competitions by the way. Neither of us are sore losers. (If she would ever lose, she might be a sore loser. She always seems to get the best of me in these competition with her ol' stubborn self. LOL) By the way, we don't often have comment competitions, but when we post about the same thing, best believe its a battle. The posts when we announced we were dating, she won that time. Last week's T-13 was a tie. I'm hoping that my bloggers will represent for me this time! COMMENT ON MINE, NOT HERS!!!!!

13 Hey... - Cuz I know it's gonna be followed by "I Love You." It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside no matter how many times I hear it. I love you, too babe!

Thursday Thirteen: Things I Do To Annoy Jameil

Today's T 13 is things I do to annoy Jameil. It's usually not on purpose, but sometimes it is. Also, don't be reading this and thinking that there's trouble in paradise. These are just minor things that we've noticed over the last 5 months. At least, they are minor to me. When you get done reading this one, go ahead and check out her list of what she does to annoy me. We collaborated on these the other day, and I think they are pretty funny. Let's get started.

1. Stand by car door with door open - Okay, I don't do this one anymore. But when we first started seeing each other with frequency, when I would open her car door, apparently I didn't move to my side of the car quickly enough. I would leave the door open while we finished our sentence or I would just pause long enough to make sure I didn't slam the door on any of her body parts. Sounds reasonable, right? Not to her. LOL. So, being the jerk that I am, once she brought that to my attention, I switched it up. I opened the door, closed and sprinted around the car to my side and said "Was that quick enough for you?"

2. Say "I'll call you tomorrow" - I guess its supposed to be a given that we'll talk tomorrow. When we are getting off the phone, she feels it unnecessary for me to say that. Perhaps it is, but sometimes I do.


3. Eating, or rather not eating - Sorry, babe. I have horrible eating habits. I eat once a day, and I know you thought that you could fix me, but I've been doing this for almost 20 years. Even when I do make it to 2 a days, it never lasts more than a week. I've tried to change it, but it just doesn't work. She likes to tell people that I don't eat, which is not accurate. I have gone 24 hours without eating before, but I don't think I've done that recently. Plus whenever we are together, I'm gonna eat at least twice, sometimes 3 times a day like a normal person. But when I get back home, I revert to what I know best.


4. Talk like I have a G.E.D - That's what she calls it. I call it just making fun of people around me. People in Atlanta say Collipark (College Park) and East Pernt (East Point). Rapper say funny things on these hood songs. I like to imitate them. I actually can speak the English language, but every now and then I don't and that annoys her.


5. Leave the room - I should clarify. Leaving the room without telling her where I'm going. Or if I tell her where I'm going, not having a good enough reason to leave. It's crazy. When we are at my place, if I leave the room or stop being her (as V Dizzle called me) her man pillow, Jam gets really annoyed. So what if I have clothes in the washer or if I have to see a man about a horse? I can guarantee if I move, I will hear the following phrase: "Where are you going?" Sometimes, its a question, other times its akin to a threat. Like "Nigga, did I say you could move?!?" LOL

6. YouTube rapping - As just about anybody that has talked to me can attest, I speak in lyrics. There's always a hip hop lyric that correlates to what we are discussing. For example, if someone says "They need to get it together", immediately that Jay-Z lyric from Mya's "Best of Me" song pops in my head.

Ma get it together or forget it forever
When I go at you hard I can get it through leather
You actin like Jigga can't get at whoever
Talking you got a man, okay ma, and?
That's high school making me chase you round for months
Have an affair, act like an adult for once...

Okay, so I know that's ridiculous, but then I decide I need to hear that song. And another song that reminds of that one, and then next thing you know, I'm rapping along to all of the songs from that era. Then I you tube it back a few years and listen to some obscure rap song that got played on Rap City three times, yet I know all the lyrics to. I understand that may be annoying, but do I complain when she starts singing Danity Kane or Mariah? Nope! LOL

7. Wear old fubu stuff - Even if she doesn't see it, she gets annoyed with my hoodie. And I had this old FUBU T shirt that I wore when she was here, complete with a hole from a blunt I dropped on it 10 years ago. Truth be told, I just wore it to bother her.


8. Try to manage her time - Okay, this is one that I don't do, but she thinks I do. All I do is take an interest in her school work. If there's a film or a paper due, what's wrong with me asking how far along she is? As much as I may want to manage her time, I don't actually try it. But I'm sure to hear the following phrase if I ask what time she is going to the library: "CAN I MANAGE MY OWN TIME?" I shouldn't really put a question mark on that, because it wasn't a question. It's a statement telling me to back off. I seldom do though. I just wanna know what's going on. Lord knows, that between the two of us, there is no time whatsoever being managed. I don't know which of us is the bigger procrastinator. Anyway, that sentence is sure to annoy her, if she isn't laughing too hard.

9. Not asking the question that I want to know the answer to - I call it conversation, she calls it annoying. The only way I can explain this one is to give an example:

Me: Did you go to the library today?
Her: Yes.. blah, blah, blah.
Me: Did you get a chance to read my blog today?
Her: That's what you wanted to know. How come you didn't just ask that?

See, I wanted to know that, but I also wanted to know the first part. If she didn't go to the library, then I know she didn't read my blog. I don't see anything wrong with following a line of questioning instead of just jumping right to the point. Does this make any sense? Which one of us do you think is right? LOL


10. That I have no friends - I really don't see why this one is a problem. More time for me to spend with her, right? On the real, I've become a self contained unit. I like my own company better than most people's company. Plus, I never disappoint, don't listen or make me go places I don't wanna go. It's seems like a winner to me. It really has to do with the people I've been meeting and hanging out with. They just don't share my same interests, and why should I subliminate my interests to hang out with people that care about other things. I'm perfectly fine with hanging by myself.

11. Avoidance of conflict - Me and my family don't talk about bad stuff. We just prefer to let it fade away. If something is bothering me today, it'll be gone by tomorrow. No need to have hurt feelings too. Jameil can't stand that. She feels I should slap various members of my family. Okay, I'm being bratty. She just feels that we should talk more. I understand, but what works for her fam doesn't work for my fam. It annoys her when I just let things go without talking about them.

12. Book on Tape Voice- She calls it my gay voice. LOL. It's not that at all. When I'm reading her something, which I sometimes have to do with her lack of consistent internet, I sometimes break into a very deliberate, slow paced and emoting voice. It's almost like I do characters when I'm reading. It's funny to me, not so much to her.

13. Over explain who I'm (or she is) talking about - Sometimes, I just need clarity. She knows a lot of people, and I get them confused sometimes. Like she'll mention her line sister, and I'll say Nichole? Or I'll talk about Eric and say, you know Kristie's fiance? It's just for clarity's sake. I get that I don't have that many people in my life, but she has tons of people she knows. They be getting mixed up in my head, yo! I just have to make sure we both are talking about the same person. Do I see it as being annoying? Nah, but it is what it is (that phrase could probably be # 14 if I were to keep going. LOL)

Thursday Thirteen: My $100 $150 Or Less Christmas Wish List

Since I have a killer case of the hiccups that wont allow me to sleep, I decided that I would do a Christmas Wishlist. I realized while writing this, I probably am a nightmare to shop for, cuz I never really care what I get, and I'm not good at dropping hints. It probably stems from all these years of not getting any gifts. My siblings and I don't exchange gifts, and mom and grandma usually go the gift card route. Anyway, here some of the things I would like for Christmas. All linked products are merely suggestions unless specified by name in the description.

1. Bose Computer Speakers- Most of the TV I watch is on the computer. I also watch alot of movies on Netflix Instant Viewing. I need to upgrade from these factory speakers I have.



2. GPS System - Do I need to elaborate on the many ways I get lost... even in my own city. I need this in my life.



3. A Watch - I'm tired of looking at my cell whenever I need to know what time it is. Plus, I would feel a little more like a grown up if I had a watch.



4. Car Audio - I'm always in my car. 35 minutes to work, 5hrs to Gainesville. I have an iPod adapter but it plays through the FM stations and in certain places it doesn't work. I would never buy this for myself, but it's Christmas, so someone can do it for me.



5. George Foreman 360 Grill - My old Foreman crapped out on me, probably because I submerged it in water several times trying to clean it. Glad this one has detachable grills.



6. Music Box Sets - Like Marvin Gaye , Stevie Wonder , or Al Green. Something classic.



7. Restaurant Gift Cards - Brother gotta eat, right?



8. Clothes - I didn't link cuz I don't know what I want. Plus Jameil was supposed to fix me, but it hasn't happened yet.



9. Shoes - see #8 I'll let you pick out what I should wear. Size 12 please.



10 Atari Flashback 2.0 - cuz the Wii is too expensive to put on this list.



11. External Hard Drive - gotta find a place to store all my porn mp3s. LOL



12. Cold Hard Cash - or gift cards if you think giving cash is tacky. LOL



13. Digital Camera - don't really need one, so much as I just want to get a new one. I keep seeing people with these cool cameras and I want one.

Thursday Thirteen: 13 Areas In Which Blacks and Whites Can Find Common Ground

Its been well documented (by comedians) that black people and white people are different. While on the surface, this is true, there are certain areas in which we can find common ground. Here are thirteen of those. *disclaimer* - These are in no way meant to apply to all black people and all white people. I am fully aware that people have many divergent opinions*

1. Keeping up with the Joneses - Both whites and blacks have a problem with this one. Whether its buying a house that you can't afford, or driving the newest, biggest, gas guzzlingest SUV, both groups often spend beyond their means. You don't believe me? What do you think this Fed bailout is about? People make unwise financial decisions is not exclusive to one race.

2. Smoking - You might hate white people but if you go to smoke and you don't have a lighter, you gonna ask the redneck with the confederate flag on his hat for some fire. Or you may be scared of the big imposing black man, but you'll get over that fear if it means a nicotine fix.

3. Throwbacks/Vintage - Black people call it throwbacks. White people call it vintage. But either way, its an old style and both of us like to bring back the retro vibe. Everything goes in cycles.

4. Baby Got Back - This song speaks to both black and white people. Throw it on at a function and you'll see the dance floor become integrated like Congress just passed a resolution.

5. Scantily clad women - This is one is for men, mostly. We give each other that look when one of them passes by. Race doesn't matter when it comes to perving out.

6. Drinking - You want to improve race relations in this country? Get a bottle and some shot glasses. People don't discriminate when they are drunk. White people love to buy Negros drinks and we love to accept them. LOL

7. Oprah - Just look at her audience. It's like MLK's dream up in there. Whether or not they maintain that when her show is over is irrelevant. Oprah is the poster child for inclusiveness.

8. Reality TV - We do watch different kinds of shows. They like The Bachelor and we (not me) like Flavor of Love, but the premise is pretty much the same. And I think American Idol is pretty much watched by all.

9. Weed - See drinking above. People can get high with anyone. And they like to compete to see who has the best stuff.

10. Mexicans - Or should I say not liking Mexicans. Some people think that black people can't be racist. Yeah, right!!! You should hear how some of us talk about Mexicans. It's eerily similar to the Jim Crow vibe from back in the day. Neither black people or white people want to live around them. And we both want them to speak English!

11. Sporting Events - For 3 hours on Sundays, there is no black or white. Just (insert team colors here.) We will hoot and holler and cheer with complete strangers of another race like we've been best friends for years. Just watch out in the parking lot. Old rules apply as soon as you leave the stadium.

12. The Wire - I have never seen a so called "black" show, that so many white people love. The show simultaneously appealed to both races by showing complex characters, not just racial stereotypes and the writing was top notch.

13. Barack Obama - November 4th proved this one. LOL

What's The Topic Of Tomorrows Thursday Thirteen?

Take a look at tomorrows Thursday Thirteen list and try to guess the topic. Can you tell what these things have in common? I'll be back tomorrow with the actual topic and explanations, but for now, back to work! Peace!!!

1. Keeping up with the Joneses
2. Smoking
3. Throwbacks/Vintage
4. Baby Got Back
5. Scantily clad women
6. Drinking
7. Oprah
8. Reality TV
9. Weed
10. Mexicans
11. Sporting Events
12. The Wire
13. Barack Obama

13 Odd Things I Can Do

1. I can say the most outrageous things and people will not get mad at me. Don't know why that is, but people often laugh it off instead of cursing me out. It's a gift and a curse though, cuz when I try to make people mad they don't follow suit. Or people get mad over stuff that I think is really innocuous.

2. I can identify what type of Latino or Asian someone is. I can tell the difference between Cubans, Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, and Colombians etc. I don't think Japanese people and Chinese people look alike. Same with Vietnamese and Korean. Don't go asking me about Laotians and Cambodians though. It only works with the major countries.

3. I can easily go 24 hours without eating or sleeping. Sometimes I just forget to eat. Sometimes I can stay up a full day without being tired. The flip side of that is when I do eat, I eat a whole lot and sometimes I'm almost narcoleptic like a couple of weeks ago when I was visiting Jameil. I swear I fell asleep every 20 minutes for 2 days straight.

4. I can remember minuscule details about stuff that happened weeks, months or years ago. But sometimes I forget what I was saying mid sentence. And there are entire sections of my life that I can't remember. Like college for instance. It's strange that I remember my 1st, 2nd and 3rd grade teachers names (Mrs. Polivy, Mr. Silverman, Mrs Bierman), but I can't remember some of my college professors names.

5. I find myself fully conscious during my dreams. What I mean is that I know that I'm dreaming while I'm dreaming. It still doesn't change anything that happens in the dream. Par example, I once had a dream that (that was in French with English Subtitles) about... well, it really doesn't matter what it was about. LOL. In the dream, I actually said "I'm dreaming. This isn't real." But that didn't stop it from feeling very real, even though I knew it wasn't.

6. I learn very quickly. I never study, but if I hear or read something, it will stick in my head and I'll be able to regurgitate it. I think because knowledge comes so easily for me, that I don't apply myself.

7. I can make up the harmony to songs. I can't sing a lick anymore, but I will arrange some harmony in my head. The melody? Not so much. I'm mad off key most of the time.

8. I think I mentioned this before, but I can recite all the Presidents backwards from Obama to Teddy Roosevelt. It gets a little murky in the 1800s though.

9. I can say the alphabet backwards. I read or heard somewhere that if you got pulled over for drunk driving, that was one of the sobriety tests. So, whenever I would be drinking (or smoking out) I would practice. I can do it better drunk than sober.

10. I can crack just about every bone in my body. Not so much a talent as something that freaks people out, but from my legs to my knees to most recently, my hip, I can pretty much do it on demand.

11. I have a knack for making people tell me their secrets. I think the trick is not asking, or showing any semblance of interest. That usually makes people spill the beans. I like it because I'm mad nosy, but the drawback is that I often learn stuff that I don't want to know. Or I learn stuff that I just can't keep to myself.

12. I can take a whole lot before losing my temper. Even when I do get upset, it never comes across the same way that it does with most people. I don't get violent or verbally abusive, I just say something sarcastic and then walk away. I don't wanna say that nothing bothers me, but a lot of things that would cause others to lose their religion, I can just shrug off. Maybe it's because I always expect the worst in people, so when they disappoint me, I'm not taken aback.

13. I don't have to go to the bathroom often. And no, nothing is wrong with my kidneys and yes, I do drink a ton of water. Perhaps it stems from my aversion to public restrooms, (cuz really what is more gross than doing your business with someone standing next to you) but I've trained myself to wait until I get home from work. Now, when I'm drinking, all bets are off, but otherwise, I can hold it.

Thursday Thirteen: Stalkers!!! *NOW WITH LINKS!!!*

My favorite subject. LOL. Today's Thursday Thirteen is all about my stalkers. These are people that have for one reason or another chosen to fixate on me, give me unwanted attention and generally harass me. I'm also aware that this post is on some epic Tolstoy length stuff, so get over it and get ready to laugh. Or don't. See if I care. LOL

EDIT - I finally added the links... If you read them already, just skip 'em. If not, feel free to peruse at your will. Also, something is wrong with my comments again. I have to refresh like 3 times to see them. If you don't see your comment, it probably got saved, but it's just not showing. Refresh and it should come up.

1 . Nigerian Stalker – gave her my phone number to help her with an interview. She got the job and to show her undying thanks, she decided that she would become my woman, whether I wanted it or not. She started calling incessantly, coming by my office at work, offering to take me out. (Here's a link from when it was actually happening. I had forgotten about some of this.)I got out of that situation by being a Rashan… I mean being a jerk. I was so mean to her and it was funny to me. I couldn’t be overtly hostile to her since we worked together, but I found ways to psychologically injure her. The final straw was when she got her hair cut and was so proud of it. I just looked at her with the stank face and said:” You cut your hair. Hmm.” It really did look good, but she wasn’t getting no encouragement from me. She started crying and left me alone for about 3 months.

2. Michaela – She was a friend of a friend. I knew her in high school, but I guess I didn’t become a catch to her until after I graduated. I used to give my other friend a ride home, and without fail, Michaela used to be outside her house when we got there. I was still green, so I thought it was a coincidence until one day the three of us were talking. She went on for about 5 minutes about my lips and gave me her phone number despite my protestations that I had a girlfriend. After that, she would show up at my friends crib at 8:00 every night. I wonder how long she waited out there on the days I didn’t give her a ride home.

3. Janelle – not her real name, but some people that know her may be reading this blog. Anyway, she was this real dumb girl I used to work with. Let me not call her dumb, cuz I found out that she was in a car accident and wasn’t that way before. Anyway, she used to follow me around the building all the time, despite the fact that she had a live in baby daddy and was getting steadily knocked down by this lame dude in the office. When I used to walk by her desk, she would always try to smell me. “Rashan, you smell so good. Come closer.” Then she would try to molest me. LOL. She also was found of touching my tie and gazing lovingly in my eyes as she spoke. I wrote about her on my old blog. It’s called No-Doz Girl. That was a wild story.

4. Sallie – She was a little different. She didn’t have any romantic notions about me. She just wanted my money. Well, technically it was her money since I borrowed it from her, but apparently I wasn’t coming fast enough with it. Son, when I tell you she used to track me down. I mean, from my crib, to my grandma’s crib, to the job, Sallie was always around or always calling. I eventually gave her the money so she would stop harassing me. Darn student loans. Sorry, it took so long Sallie Mae.

5. Rosilyn – When I wrote about this one before, I called her my first stalker. I now realize she wasn’t. But she definitely the creepiest at the time. I was 19 working in the kitchen area of a hospital. It started out with secret admirer notes and progressed to crappy gifts. I was flattered at first, but by the time she revealed herself I was getting really annoyed. I had a girlfriend and these anonymous letters and promises to show herself were wack. I wish she woulda stayed secret though. Ol girl was 41.. Had a daughter 2 years younger than I, and looked like Biggie Smalls. After I rebuffed her, she followed me home one day, and I used to see her driving down the cul de sac peering out the window. Creepy.

6. Raquel – this one was kinda sweet. She lived down the street from me. She was a freshman when I was a senior. She had liked-ed me in a sweet innocent type of way. The thing is she used to come to my door to hang out after school, while I was trying to watch Rap City. Or knock on my door to escort me to the bus stop. Or show up outside my classes. She wasn’t so much a stalker as had a school girl crush, but I need 13 of these things so I’m stretching. LOL

7. Colonel Whatever-his-name-was – Yeah, so in high school they made us take the ASVAB (I think that’s what it’s called) Apparently my scores were phenomenal, cuz this dude kept calling my crib trying to get me to join the army as an officer. If you knew me in high school, you know the LAST thing I was gonna do was join the military. First of all, I had issues with being told what to do. Secondly, I didn’t even say the Pledge for Pete’s sake so I’m sure not gonna go fight for America. Thirdly, I don’t know if you remember a little conflict called Operation Desert Storm? Yeah, that was around this time. So, no, I’m not going into the army. But the colonel kept calling, coming up to the school and even was waiting at the crib one Saturday afternoon, while I was out playing football with the boys. Crazy military stalker!

8. Brian – Back when I was a budding rapper (LOL!!!) I was always trying to find someone to give me some beats that I could flow to. Brian was a producer from out of Atlanta. He said he had some beats for me to rhyme to. So, I took the tape home and listened and that mess SUCKED!!! I mean, the beats all sounded like they were made on a home Casio, all generic drums and synthesized melodies. I told him it wasn’t my style and thought that was the end of it. Every week, Brian kept coming back with wack Maxell tapes of wack beats. I couldn’t escape this dude. I started varying my patterns around the school, but he always found me. I wonder where he is now. He’s probably making beats for Jim Jones or somebody.

9. Blog Stalker – Yeah, this can be one of three, so if you are one of them and you think I’m bringing up old stuff by talking about you, I’m not. I’m talking about the other one. LOL

10. Nailah – Go head Diva. Tell me told you so. A chick I knew from back in the day who tryna hard to get at me. I mean, walking around my crib buck naked trying to entice me. I wrote about it here. I had a girl. I chose my girl over her. We were friends so she didn’t get labeled as a stalker at the time. Fast forward 9 years, I see her again. We get cool for a minute, but then she tries that same old stuff. This time she was staying with me and was supposed to be in the spare bedroom. I go to turn off all the lights and stuff and next thing I know, she’s buck naked in my bed. When that didn’t work, a couple of days later she sends me text messages offering herself up and just in case I thought she was joking, she called and made it clear. I was like nope, I’m good. So then, I’m meeting Jameil. I told Nailah I was out of town with Jameil, but she kept calling and texting. One text said “Do you have a hairy back.” I was done. I was like no more nice guy for me. I’m just not gonna have any contact with her at all. So, I ignored emails, calls, texts and myspace messages for about a month and she slowed up. I just hope she don’t show up at my crib.

11. Lawrence J. Silvers – Back when I was managing at another bank, I rarely took phone calls from customers. It had to be an extenuating circumstance to get me on the phone. This guy was one of them. He had been calling and harassing my employees for 2 days over nothing. I personally thought he was just a nut who wanted someone to talk to and berate. After the 5th rep spoke to him, I told her to send me the call. I started off with my spiel like always, but this dude was not having it. I swear he kept me on the phone for an hour. An hour that I could have used to blog or do payroll whichever was more pressing at the time. Anyway, we weren’t talking about a thing, so I ended the call. He called back and someone gave him my direct number. I told him what his options were. We can talk about business or we can NOT talk. That was my show stopping line. That usually kept things moving, but not with this guy. He called me a “young aggressive arrogant punk” and vowed that he would get me fired. I wasn’t scared, but I was done talking to him. Remember when I said someone gave him my direct number? Well, one morning I checked my voicemails from home (which I often did b/c I was often not in the office when I was supposed to be) and had 17 messages from him. This cat was cursing me out, threatening me, all kinds of buffoonery. I contacted our Office of the President and told them what was up. They closed his account and told him not to call anymore, but yeah, he wasn’t hearing it. He started calling from pay phones and blocked numbers. This kept up for a good 3 months. Oh and get this… he said he was a lawyer, but he lived in various seedy hotels and picked his mail up from the post office, so nobody could trace his whereabouts.

12. The (most recent) Work Stalker – She got my number b/c a group of us were supposed to go out one day. She used it for her own personal gratification. I talked to her once and then she started calling like 3 times a day. I told her to cool out. She did. I should have seen the signs but I forgave her thinking, she doesn’t know I don’t like people calling me that much. We IM’d at work, were pretty cool at work. She invited me to her birthday party. Turned out to be just me and her. She tried to put the moves on me, which I rebuffed. (different link) She sent me an email basically fed exing the drawers to me. I posted it on my blog. She said she was 35, she was really 42. She phone stalked, IM stalked, eye stalked at work. After I called her a stalker to her face, she said that I’m not really this mean and she was gonna get to know the real me. Sorry, this is the real me. LOL Finally got rid of her by changing departments at work.

13. Veronica – No, not the blogger. You’re cool with me. But this crazy girl did and does so much crazy I don’t know where to start. Let’s see… I should start with the burying chicken bones in my yards trying to put roots on me. Or should I start at the brewing weed in my iced tea so I wouldn’t go home. Or perhaps, the telling people that I was the father of her kids that were conceived well before I met her. Or perhaps, how she threatened to beat up my girlfriend and my female friends. Or how she threatened to kill herself when I broke up with her. Or how she found my grandma’s house (she had never been there) and went looking for her there. Or how she got my mom’s phone number out my phone and called her and told her that we were getting married (she had no idea who Veronica was.) Or how she still sends me a MySpace message every month even though its clear I will not be responding to anything she has to say. Or… okay, let me stop before this post gets even longer. LOL I always tell people, if I’m inexplicably murdered or kidnapped, start with Veronica, Queen of the Stalkers!!!

Thirteen Words I Use Too Frequently

Thirteen Words I Use Too Frequently (Not to be confused with words YOU use too frequently LOL)

1. Crazy – everything is crazy. Did you see that car right there? That joint was crazy. Did you hear Andre 3000’s verse? It was crazy, yo! That dude over there talking to himself? He’s crazy! I think my overuse of the word diminishes the actually crazy things that I see all the time.

2. So – I always start my sentences with so… Par example.. So, I was drinking some Hennessy last night… Or… So, why exactly do you expect me to care? I use it on my blog all the time, but I can’t stop.

3. Jerk – most often used to describe myself. I wear it like a badge of honor. But I still use it too much.

4. Mad – Mad is my favorite qualifier. Saying it’s hot is not enough. I have to say its MAD hot. Or it Mad Sahara Desert like in here. I sometimes forget that I haven’t lived in New York in over 20 years. I need to let the slang go.

5. Dramatic – I don’t know if you know this, but I think just about everybody is dramatic. Like they get excited and emotional over things that don’t require excitement and emotions. I’m always calling somebody dramatic, thus the word is overused in my vocab.

6. Nah – I don’t say no, I say Nah. Nah, I ain’t hanging out with you. Nah, I’m not gonna call her back. Etc. Etc. Etc.

7. Uh –Huh – I don’t say yes. I say, “uh-huh” Except when I’m at work, and then it’s a conscious effort to actually say yes and stay professional.

8. Wayne – this one is not my fault. If Lil Wayne would stop making so many songs, and people would finally catch on that he’s not that good, then I would be able to stop saying “Lil Wayne Sucks!” Come on, help me out with this one please!!!

9. Yeah – I not only say this when I’m responding in the affirmative, I also say it like Blumberg in Office Space. Elongated.. Yeeeeah, I’m gonna need you not to talk to me for about 3 hours and twelve minutes.”

10. For real? – I know, technically a phrase, but I use it a lot nonetheless. It expresses my minor surprise and/or disgust with what someone just said or did. Ex. For Real? You really came to work wearing plaid pants, a striped vest and a tie with our company logo on it? (True story, btdub)

11. Nigga- I don’t really say this one out loud too much, but when I’m writing or thinking it comes out. I’m not tryna get into a debate about the N word. I’m not telling anyone else to stop using it, I’m not gonna stop using it. But I’m trying to cut down. LOL

12. Hey – I don’t really use this one too much, but I’m self conscious about it for two reasons. First, this is the most Southern thing that I say. Even though, I’m Georgia born, and Georgia bred (after age 11), when I first moved down South, people were saying “hey” instead of hello or what’s up. I prided myself on trying to be more New York than them. The second reason is that TV show “Felicity.” Yes, I watched a show about a white college girl, but I don’t wanna talk like one. I know these are ridiculous reasons, but they are honest ones.

13. Yo! – Yo to me is what MFer is to Bernie Mac. I can use it a number of different ways in the same conversation. I can use it to refer to a person. (What up, Yo!?!) I can use it to respond to someone who is trying to get my attention (Rashan? Yo? What’s Up?) I can use it to emphasize a point. (Yo, for real, I was bugging out when I seen that.) I can use it to get someone’s attention (Ay, yo!! Come here for a second!) I can use it to express shock (YOOOOOO!!! I can’t believe you sent me that video with the two girls and one cup!) The list is infinite. I still have to figure out how to use it as a verb. LOL

13 Things I Did Instead Of Doing A Thursday Thirteen Post

I did a bunch last night and this afternoon, but I didn't do a blog post. This is what I did instead. LOL

13 Things I Did Instead Of Doing A Thursday Thirteen Post.

1. Talked to Jameil. You can blame her. It’s her fault for keeping me on the phone.

2. Watched Fringe on my computer. It’s this pretty cool sci fi show by the creator of one of my other favorite sows. Lost. It’s like the X Files with all the creepy stuff, but not with aliens so far.

3. Ate some frozen French fries that were good even without putting salt on them. I cooked them first, they weren’t frozen when I ate them. LOL

4. Cleaned out my car. With all the traveling I’ve been doing, I’ve just been throwing stuff all over the place. I had mad empty water bottles and gum wrappers all over the place. I just felt like cleaning it up last night, so I did.

5. Watched the end of Hollywood Shuffle. I got from netflix to bring with me to Florida, since Jameil had never seen it, but it didn’t come in time for the trip. That movie is just as funny today as it was 20 years ago.

6. Did some downloading. I was trying to find some stuff on Limewire that took forever and a day. Usually I like Comcast cuz it was fast, but not last night. LOL

7. Slept. I was sleep by 3 last night. That rarely happens. Usually I’m up til sunrise or thereabouts. It caught up with me last night though. I fell asleep on my loveseat, which incidentally is still serving as my computer chair. I know I know I should have a new chair by now, but I’m used to it now.

8. Added and removed some music from the iPod. IN: Jeezy, New Edition, Parliament, BoyzIIMen OUT: Ghostface, Isleys, WuTang, and Estelle

9. Went to work. Oh work, why must I do you?

10. Fell asleep in the shower. I was still tired after my 8 hours of sleep, so I let the hot water run over my head until it my alarm on my phone started blaring.

11. Read some blogs, but didn’t comment. At least I don’t think I did. I’ll do that at lunch today.

12. Thought about ironing, but then found a shirt that was in the dark recesses of my closet that didn’t need to be ironed and wore that even though I haven’t worn it in about 2 years and it is waaaaayyy too big for me. I’ll just be sloppy today. Or not really sloppy, but baggy. LOL

13. Thought about several Thursday Thirteen topics that I either didn’t have the energy, the wherewithal, the inclination, the intestinal fortitude, the chutzpah, the patience, the…( okay, I ran out) to complete. I’m such a bad blogger. LOL

Fascinating...isn't it. LOL

Thursday Thirteen: 13 Deaths That Have Affected Me

So, it's 9/11 again and everybody will be reminiscing at the massive loss of life that occurred that day. It's a sad occasion and it got me to thinking about other deaths that have affected me. Maybe its a little morbid, but death is a part of life, right? Here are 13 more deaths that have affected me personally...



1. Donny Hathaway - January 13, 1979 - I remember being a child of 4 or 5 and my parents were really sad when he died. I can't remember all the details, but I do remember that I liked his music at a young age. It was mystifying to me that a man would actually kill himself. I didn't know much about death, but I do remember wondering what he was thinking as he fell out that window.


2. The Space Shuttle Challenger January 28, 1986 - I remember this damn day like it was yesterday. It was 3 days before I moved from New York to Savannah. We were watching this in the audio visual room at Elmwood Elementary School. It was a special launch, because there was a teacher going into space for the first time. When the shuttle exploded, man there were no words. Just gasps and tears and disbelief. I remember watching over and over just hoping in vain that there was some way those astronauts could have survived.


3. Huey Newton - August 22, 1989 - This one affected me because I was just learning all about Huey. It started with those "Eyes On The Prize" documentaries and moved on to researching the Black Panther Party. I was an idealistic youngster at the time. I thought that if you were down for the struggle once, you were always down for the struggle. It was the circumstances of his death that affected me the most. It was portrayed as a drug deal gone wrong. I didn't know what to believe. On one hand, my idealism led me to think it was a CIA setup, but the realist lurking in me led me to think that a once great man had fallen. I think this was an important step in the development of my thinking and realizing that people can't be put on a pedestal, but ideas never die.


4. Peter Jones - Sometime in 1990 or 1991- This kid I went to high school with. I didn't really know him but he was playing with a gun with his homeboys and shot himself in the head. This one really affected me for two reasons: 1. He was the first cat around my age I knew that had died and 2. I dreamed about it happening the night before it happened. I wrote about it awhile back when no one was reading. This is when I stopped sleeping. I know, you don't believe me, but I promise that I had details about the shooting that there is no way I could have known.


5. Aaliyah - August 25th, 2001. I loved me some Aaliyah. I mean, I had her first CD with R. Kelly production, the second one with the Missy and Timberland production. She was just dope. And then she was promoting her new album and I was watching all the interviews and she just seemed like such a genuinely good person. I know people say that about the dead all the time, but that was the vibe I got. Anyway, I remember the day it happened. I heard it on the radio, but I had no details or anything. It wasn't really real until later that day. My homeboy Damian came over the crib. We were watching college football or something and I turned to MTV and saw the story.



6. Len Bias - June 19, 1986 - Len Bias was a basketball player that just got drafted by the Boston Celtics. He was nasty in college at the University of Maryland. He supposedly died from cocaine like 2 or 3 days after getting drafted. That shook me. I didn't know that athletes could take drugs and still function. I don't know if he was an addict or anything, but it just shook my whole perception of who took drugs. Previously, I thought it was that cat on the street that Nancy Reagan warned us about, not a regular guy. Call me naive, but I was just 11 at the time.


7. That dude that died at Sam Bower's Nightclub - July 4th, 1994. - I wrote about this one here... In addition to almost getting shot myself for being in a club I had no business being in, this was the first time I had seen someone get shot. I didn't see him take his last breath, cuz we were running, but I saw him get shot. The memory of that, as well as the bullet that breezed right by head and lodged in brick wall had me contemplative for awhile. Definitely more careful about where I hung out and with who. What you know about them mean streets of Savannah?


8. Marvin Gaye - April 1st 1984 - For real, when I heard about this on the radio, I thought it was a cruel April's Fool Joke. I was just getting into Marvin Gaye as a result of his performance at the 1983 NBA All Star game. I rummaged through my father's vinyl listening to all I could from him. And then when I heard he was dead, I couldn't believe it. At the hands of his own father no less. It was too much for my 9 year old mind to take. I understand it a lot better now, but at the time I was shocked.


9. Hurricane Katrina -August 29, 2005- I don't really need to go any further about this one. We all still remember and feel this one.


10. John Lennon - December 8, 1980 - I had no idea who John Lennon was, but the thing I remember most was the reactions when it was announced. I was at a theater. They were doing Grease. At the intermission, they announced that he was dead and you can not fathom the tears that were shed in that auditorium. All of us kids were looking like what's going on? The parents who I assume grew up on the Beatles music were all torn up. If I was one of those talking heads on a documentary I would say "it was an organic manifestation of grief. People clung to perfect strangers in an attempt to forge a connection. One rooted in our society's collective sadness." But I'm not, I was just a kid wondering why the grownups had lost their minds.


11. Shawonda - IDK 1980??? - Okay, this one I don't even know if it actually happened. I've been known to have false memories. There are certain things that I remember that when I asked my mother about it, she insists didn't happen. This may be one of those, but it affected me whether it was real or fake. There are 2 possible stories... Shawonda was riding on the school bus and had her head out of the window. She hit her head against a passing tree and was killed. In various versions of the story, she was decapitated, but I don't remember that part. The other story was that she dropped her lunch box under a parked bus. When she went to retrieve it, the bus pulled off and ran her over. This is the one that I think happened. If I recall correctly, I saw it, but that could be a repressed or false memory. Also, I may be confusing 2 different stories. Regardless, it affected me by making me extra careful on the school bus.


12. Notorious B.I.G. - March 9th, 1997 - I can't imagine that its been 11 years since he died. I was sitting at home playing video games when my sister called me and told me the news. I quickly turned to MTV and they were showing a special report. BIG was one of my favorite rappers, and was about to release a new album. It affected me in a way that Tupac's death didn't. Partially because I was not a Pac fan, but also b/c Pac's death took 7 days and I had time to process it. It was just such a shock that another talented, young Black man's promise was snuffed out by a gun.


13. My Father - January 1995 - I've told the story many times, but never as well as this one, so I'm not gonna even try. You can read that one if you need further explanation.

Thursday Thirteen: 13 Ways I Am NOT Hip Hop

Everybody who knows me, knows that I am hip hop. Yeah, except for when I'm not. Here are 13 ways I am NOT hip hop:


1 Buffy Gilmore in the OC – I be watching some of the whitest shows in the history of television. It doesn’t matter to me. I just enjoy good writing, compelling plots, acting ability. At the same time, I don’t watch a lot of the black shows. It’s not a self hating thing, it’s a them hating thing. I hate wackness and I won’t settle for it just because we are the same race.

2 French Club President – How hip hop is that? I was French Club president in high school. I wish I could still speak French, but I can’t. I remember my French teacher, Mrs. Lebos found me a French rapper’s cd. His name was MC Solaar. I would link stuff, but I’m at work and lazy. He was okay, but I didn’t understand much of what he was saying.

3 Can’t Take That Away From Me – yeah, I know way too many songs from musicals. I don’t even know how I know them, cuz I don’t be watching musicals. But invariably at some point of a conversation, one of Gilbert and Sullivan’s greatest hits may pop in my head. Not very hip hop I know, but if Jigga can sample Hard Knock Life and get a hit, then I can randomly tell people that once you’re a jet you’re a jet to your last cigarette…

4 DJ Overrated On The Wheels of Steel – I really think the DJ gets too much credit. It’s not like back in the day when they would actually produce and scratch. Why do you get props for playing already made music? I can do that. I can put my ipod on shuffle and achieve that. And the talking over the beat? Just mad annoying!

5 Scared of guns – Can I be part of the hip hop culture without owning or ever firing a gun? I guess its even worse that I’m deathly afraid of guns. I have good reasons (almost getting shot 3 times) but I guess that ain’t really hip hop.

6 Radio Ethics – Okay, follow me on this one. Rappers are all about saying whatever they want. I don’t have a problem with that. But I do have a problem with the radio playing all kinds of lewd, profane, and drug promoting music when kids can hear it. The obvious “Lollipop” should by no means be played when kids can hear it. That’s why you got lil 4 year olds talking about giving head and not even knowing it. Or even worse, they do know what they are talking about. If you gonna make a radio edit, then edit it right. If you say mother fu.. its very obvious that the next part is cker. I don’t believe in censorship, but I do believe that there is a time and place for everything.

7 Hate jewelry – Yeah, no bling for me. Even back in the day with the truck jewelry like Slick Rick, I wasn’t interested. Now cats are finding new places to encrust with jewels. It’s ridiculous to me. I really don’t need to see platinum eyelashes with diamond teardrops. You are men, so how about not overdoing it with “Girls Best Friend”

8 No homeboys – I ain’t got no posse, no clique, no crew, no mob, no thugs, no wack dudes that I want to sign to my record label. In fact, all my friends are women. Is that hip hop?

9 Sneaker Pimp – I’m not so much into sneakers. I’ve only owned one pair of Jordans – the first ones Red and Black, but I’ve just never been into them. I know that’s a big part of the hip hop culture. We love our kicks, but that’s just not my steez.

10 Dancing Machine – I can’t dance. Phil Collins 1992. How can I be hip hop when all them cats do is make songs telling me to dance? You know what I’m talking about. I can 2 step, but I’m not about to be walking it out to the left and dip baby dipping while doing the butterfly, uh uh that’s old..lemme see you tootsie roll…

11 Chorus – Harmonizing, sight reading, tuxedo shirt, bowtie, cummerbund, singing Christmas Carols. I did manage to keep it hip hop though. I rocked my box and my pants sagged a little and I pimp walked on the stage. LOL

12 N.E.R.D. – I’m a big fat nerd. I know this, and I don’t accept it, I embrace it. I like being the smartest guy in the room. I like knowing about stuff I’m not supposed to know about. I like being weird, odd, whatever you wanna call it. I’m a proud nerd, but a cool one!

13 Start Snitchin’ – Yeah, I know you ain’t supposed to snitch, but there are some times where dropping a dime is necessary. I’m not saying I would snitch on the weedman, but the crack man? Shooooooot! You kill somebody and confess to me? You better hope that I wanted that person dead too… and there’s no reward… and I don’t think that I could possibly be next. I’m a tell. You my co defendant and it comes down to either you or me going to jail? I’m straight snitchin on you! I’m a be just like Mike Vicks homeboys. I’m a be like OJ’s co –ds? I’m too pretty for jail, dawg!!! LMAO!

Thursday Thirteen: Things Me and My Brother Say!

Me and my brother have our own language sometimes. Most of it is from TV shows or movies that we watched together over the years. Here are 13 of our favorite sayings that most people wont get:

Thursday Thirteen: 13 Things Me and My Brother Say!

1. Chato will take you to the Airstrip: From this tv show called Kingpin about Mexican drug kingpins. Chato was a viscious killer. That phrase right there meant you were about to meet Jesus, and I’m not talking about the Mexican bodyguard either.

2. Ow, my liver!!! Came from Beavis and Butthead. We used to watch that all the time. That episode stuck with us for some reason.

3. I gots to find Mecca ! – Mecca was a guy. The movie was called Thug Life and it starred Nephew Tommy from the Steve Harvey show before anybody knew who he was. The Lady of Rage (remember Afro Puffs) was in it too. This movie was horrible, or should I say horribly entertaining. It was such a bad movie, that me and my brother couldn’t stop laughing at it. There was also a gang scene in which the gang members chanted… KILL KILL KILL –REVENGE!!!!. I recommend if you ever have about 84 minutes to waste to check this movie out. But only if it comes on cable. Hilarious.

4. Brother’s don’t shake hands, brother’s gotta hug! – Chris Farley in Tommy Boy. What’s so funny is that my brother and neither hug nor shake hands. We adhere to a very strict no touching policy unless violence is involved. LOL. We also like "Fat Guy in a Little Coat"

5. Hello, QVC? This one requires a video companion. Brian Fellow off Saturday Night Live is hilarious. It’s nothing for me to call my brother and when he answers say “Hello, QVC…It’s Brian Fellow. I want to buy a birdcage with solid gold bars." Forgive me, I’m having a moment. I'M BRIAN FELLOW!!!

6. Hey son… wanna see my missles? Followed by “No I never want to.” Okay, let me explain. When my brother was like 6 or 7, he drew this picture of a big monster talking to a little monster. That was the caption. I verbalized the characters for him. The first guy had a gruff abrasive voice. The little one had a innocent baby voice. It still cracks me up and right now I’m realizing that you are just blinking at your computer screen like this dude has lost it.

7. Can I borrow your… The object of this one is to think of the most obscure or unlikely thing for the other to have. For example, Can I borrow your.. Celine Dion boxset? Or can I borrow your first edition of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice? Try it, its fun...

8. Man, ain’t no eagle! Read this post for a greater explanation. But the eagle was some money that was supposed to be coming our way.

9. You don’t have the largest arms in wrestling cuz I have the largest arms in wrestling. We used to watch WWE all the time and there are tons of hilarious sayings. This was one of the most ridiculous. Scott Steiner vs Triple H. Another favorite is TAKER... You haven't broke me.. I'm still standing...

10. Can it be babies? - From Buffy the Vampire Slayer. There was a guy that got turned into a troll. He liked to eat babies. I'm aware how strange this sounds, but it's really funny. I know in real life, baby eating is frowned upon, but its just a tv show. It's funnier if you actually see the clip, but here's the surrounding dialogue. Its a line that we always repeat when one of us says he's gonna get something to eat.

11. You gonna help me sell these guns? - Another horrible hood movie called 5th Ward. I can't even remember why dude was selling guns, but he really needed his friend to help him. Cracks me up!

12. But I’m the one holding the box - This was from the TV show Alias. Quentin Tarentino was guest starring as a guy that was torturing people. He used this phrase to mock his victim...

13. Men and women are different - Our way of mocking the mediocre to terrible Comic view comedians that all seem to tell the same joke about how men and women are different.

Thursday Thirteen: Rashan's Favorite Hip Hop Albums

I don't feel like doing a long preamble to the post. This is what it is.... My 13 Favorite Hip Hop Albums (and some extras at the end).

1. NAS - ILLMATIC
A perfect album. The beats are on point. The lyrics are amazing. It's just an enrapturing album that keeps me drawn in from the beginning to the end. It's kinda of short, but that keeps it from having a bunch of unnecessary filler tracks. I still listen to this at least once a month.

2. RAEKWON - ONLY BUILT 4 CUBAN LINX
Another perfect album. Call this one 1B. Rza's beats were top notch. The wordplay between Raekwon and Ghostface (and all the other members of WuTang to a lesser degree) seems like the most natural thing ever. It's a cinematic album. The story telling makes it seem like a movie on CD. Another at least once a month joint.






3. THE NOTORIOUS B.I.G. - READY TO DIE

I remember when I first copped this joint. I wasn't really a fan of the first single, "Juicy." I took a chance and boy was I rewarded. Biggie was the illest. I often wonder how ill he could have been if he wasn't killed. I'm pretty sure I can recite every lyric on this with or without a beat.




4. OUTKAST - AQUEMINI
I had a hard time deciding which Outkast album to put on this list. Between Aquemini and Atliens, you can't go wrong. I chose this one mostly because it has "Liberation" on it. 'Kast is so much more than just the Southern perspective, although they do that too. These brothers have something to say, even when dealing with familiar topics. Pure lyricism.

5. A TRIBE CALLED QUEST - MIDNIGHT MARAUDERS

Another hard choice for me.. I like all the Tribe albums, especially the first 3. I chose this one mostly because of where I was when it came out. I remember bumping this joint almost daily in my VW Fox while riding around Savannah State's campus. The beats are melodic and diverse. The lyrics are dopeness personified. And they just give off a vibe of being cool cats. I love Tribe. I even named my blog after one of their albums (even if it's not as good as this album.)

6. MOBB DEEP - THE INFAMOUS
This joint came out of nowhere. I don't even remember how I first heard this. It probably was from "Shook Ones." But Havoc and Prodigy were spitting that thug stuff without mercy on this album. The production was surprisingly tight especially considering how young they were when this came out. Even though I'm far from a thug, I still like to get my tough guy on and rhyme along with this joint. Don't believe me? Check out this video from a couple of years ago! (excuse the shoddy camera work I was driving. Also don't listen while at work.)




7. JAY Z -REASONABLE DOUBT

I remember being in Best Buy one day and trying to find a new cd to cop. I saw this joint and was a little torn. I had only heard one song, and though I liked it, I had recently been burned by buying an album off the strength of one song. Something told me to go for it. I took it home and gave it a quick listen and liked it. Then I listened to the lyrical ability of this cat I had never really heard of before. Sure the topics were the same, but the metaphors and similes were so much better than most. Never woulda thought he would have ever became a big star. I figured Jay would be one of those cats that I liked, but nobody else gave any shine. Glad I was wrong.

8. SNOOP DOGGY DOGG - DOGGYSTYLE
My west coast pick. This is another classic. Dre's production was crisp and Snoop's delivery was the best it's ever been. Heavy rotation for like 2 years. I'll still pull it out from time to time when I need a fix. So many classic and popular songs on this one.







9. KANYE WEST - LATE REGISTRATION

One of the newest albums on the list. I've always been a Kanye fan. Even when he was just producing. The beats he picked for this album were perfect for his flows. The lyrics were clever and the braggadocio to me hearkened back to that old school hip hop, with an updated feel.




10. LITTLE BROTHER - THE MINSTREL SHOW
"Dope beats, dope rhymes. This hip hop really ain't that hard." - That's what this album is to me. Dope beats, dope rhymes. LB is one of my favorite current groups. Phonte is one of the illest lyricists in the game now.



11. PUBLIC ENEMY - IT TAKES A NATION OF MILLIONS TO HOLD US BACK
This was Rashan X's favorite album. It was revolutionary. It was inciting. The beats were frenetic and banging. Chuck D. didn't have the best flow in the world, but it works over the frenetic and banging beats. This was the soundtrack to my discover of my racial identity. (I always knew I was black, but then I realized I was Black! capital B)




12. BOOGIE DOWN PRODUCTIONS - CRIMINAL MINDED
This was 86. It changed the whole rap game. It made rap more lyrical than it used to be. A whole lot more words and more being coherent than rap songs used to have. A little bit of everything on this one. Battle raps, gangster rap, social commentary... whatever you wanted. It was just so different than anything I had heard before.



13. PETE ROCK AND CL SMOOTH - THE MAIN INGREDIENT
I love the production on this joint. The music is very melodic, but still with the elements of hip hop: boom bap beats, scratching. And Cl was never better lyrically than on this album. I had to put this on the list because the album is just so consistent. It just flows right. You never get that track that you want to skip or that sounds out of place. One of my favorites to chill out to when I still want to listen to hip hop, but don't want cats berating me in their lyrics.

Honorable Mention:



ICE CUBE - DEATH CERTIFICATE


N.W.A. -STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON



ERIC B. AND RAKIM - PAID IN FULL




GANGSTARR - STEP IN THE ARENA



DIAMOND D. - STUNTS BLUNTS AND HIP HOP