Less Talking, Please!

I don't like to hear celebrities talk. I really don't care what their opinions are about anything. This goes doubly for athletes and triply for rappers. As much as I like hip hop, rappers are not exactly the shining example of eloquence when not holding a microphone. I wish they would just shut up. I love N.as' music, but listening to him in an interview is akin to taking a hot poker and sticking it in my left eye, then turning it ever so slightly. It's torture, son. How is it that you manage to be so poetic on wax or whatever Cd's are made of, yet so ignorant in interviews? No, I'm not gonna link any interviews or anything. Partially because I'm lazy, but also because I don't want to read or hear some of the ignorant stuff he says. If you need examples, just go to MTV News and search N.as and you'll find a smorgasbord of niggatastic quotes. He's just one example that I pulled out because I actually respect his music. Don't get me started on the Sha.wty L.o's of the world. The ones that are always beefing with somebody about something or other and try to be so hood like that's the goal in life. Really, you wanna be hood? Then let me hold your money while you play tough guy. And whoever came up with the idea to give rappers DVD's should have to pay penance. If I see one more almost famous rapper with a DVD or a Yo.u.T.ube video holding guns and talking ignorantly, I'm gonna scream. Stick to doing what we pay you for. More music, less talking.

Working backwards, athletes always say the same thing. We gave it 110%. We're taking it one game at a time. There can only be one winner. We just tried to go out and play hard. Enough already. You know how I watch sports? With the volume down. As if the inane announcing team isn't bad enough, the sideline interviews rarely if ever provide any insight that your average 13 year sports fan couldn't provide. Just play the game, yo! And I don't wanna hear about how the refs are cheating you. We all know that Kobe travels every play. You talking about it just makes you sound like a whiny lil trick. It's not gonna change anything. And your contract? How about you just stop talking about it and be about it. If you gonna sit out a year, then do it. Don't make empty threats and then when you realize that its not gonna work, go running back. Chill with that. I'm all about workers rights and the right for you to get as much paper as possible, but don't look to me for sympathy when you are making loads of money. How bout you do what you get an obscene amount of money to do: more playing, less talking.

Celebrities make me sick too. I wish they would just shut up. Don't whine about the paparazzi when you play into it. Don't get me wrong. I'm down with respecting your privacy, but at the same time, why are you gonna be an attention whore and then get mad when people give you attention? You knew people would be taking pictures of you getting out that car when you decided not to put on underwear. Stop frontin! Also, I don't care about your pet projects. Sorry, things are not more important just because a celebrity talks about it. At least not to me. Also, unless you have Opr.ah status, I don't really care who you are voting for. It's not gonna sway me. While I'm talking about celebrities, your disingenuous apologies are for the birds too. You aren't sorry. You are only sorry you got caught. Keep it real with us. Just act/sing/dance/write/direct/whatever you are famous for, less talking.

Matter of fact, let's not limit this to famous people. All them Internet posting, talk radio talking, letters to the editor writing blowhards with ridiculous opinions should stop too. If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you. Or I'll read your blog. Less talking, please!

Rashan-isms

These are things I think. I don't expect you to agree.

I think... women who have long hair should not wear wigs. Stop being lazy and do your hair. Or cut it off. Or go natural. Those are all viable options. Just stop with the stocking caps and the tilted wigs. Do it for me, please?

I think... there should be a new word to describe the littlest finger. Pinkie just sounds so soft.

I think... that you should not have Creflo Dollar on your top 8 MySpace friends at the same time as having Plies as your profile music, while your profile picture features you laying suggestively in your bra and panties.

I think... that I need to learn how to find middle ground. I'm either on some "I don't love them hoes stuff" or some baby baby stuff. I can't seem to just find a happy medium.

I think... that there should be a way to block people from sending me text messages that are not addressed specifically to me. If I get another Happy V-Day text from someone I have not spoken to since I put their number in my phone, I'm gonna scream.

I think... if you buy your Valentine's Day gift from the gas station at 7 PM on the 14th, chances are you are not gonna have a sucessful night. True story, there was a lady selling V Day baskets with teddy bears and flowers last night.

I think... people that smile all the time are creepy. Switch up your expressions a little. I'm not saying you have to mean mug, but maybe have a pensive look every now and then. Smirk, instead of cheesing... anything!

I think... that people think I'm a good conversationalist because I actually listen to them and respond on topic. Truth be told, I rarely really talk about myself, but they dont realize that until months later when they run out of things to say.

I think... that I am finally ready for another blogger meet up. I tried to keep the blog world and real world seperate, but I think I can handle it. Anyone that's gonna be in ATL, let me know and we can see what's up. *subject to change as my antisocial tendencies flare back up*

I think... that the phrase Mr. DJ should be outlawed. Why does the DJ get so much respect? How bout Mr. R&B singer or Mr. Commercial voice over guy? I think I had this conversation with somebody recently.

I think... that too many women call themselves divas (Not you J!). Too many men call themselves thugs. Too many kids grow up too quickly and try to act like divas and thugs.

I think... one of the things I like about Youngster is that she calls me out on my shit. I'm so used to just being able to bully my way through a conversation. She doesn't always let me be right. It's different but cool. Now if you would answer your phone when I call, it would be all good. LOL

I think... that I may have been in a strange mood yesterday, but I faked it pretty good. I think it was b/c yesterday would have been my father's 60th birthday if he were still alive.

I think... that one of the funniest things in the world is the way my 2 year old nephew says "No Shawty!" I can't beleive they taught him that phrase.

I think... that I go out of my way to prove how abnormal I am. Like I think of ways to make people say "wow, that was strange."

I think... that I'm gonna stop writing now, even though I am being thoroughly entertained via email. I should try to get 3 hours of sleep before work.

Happy Friday and stuff like that! I'll get at you tomorrow. One!

Rashan vs. Dem Gangsta Cats

Timeline: 2:17 AM - Atlanta, Georgia - Rashan's apartment

I was falling asleep watching Gone Baby Gone, when the phone rang interrupting me from my rest. What does she want now? Doesn't she realize that I'm not gonna answer the phone? Damn work stalkers! Irritation now replacing sleepiness, I got up and started cleaning the place up. Somebody told me that they don't like messy guys, and I guess that resonated. I picked my clothes up off the couch, wiped down the kitchen and gathered the trash from bathroom, bedroom and kitchen. I figured I should take this out now since sleep is out of the question.

I popped the trunk and placed the 2 Hefty bags in, started my car and drove around the corner to the trash dumpster. It was now 2:40 and I didn't figure anyone would be out at this hour. But I was wrong. Standing in front of the dumpster were them gangsta cats, 7 deep. The ringleader looked dead in my eye and didn't move, even as my car approached more closely. His boys stood behind him looking like they were ready to pounce. All I wanted to do was take my trash out.

I've been in situations like this before, so I wasn't scared. All it took was for me to flash one of my intimidating looks and walk tall and they would scatter. Them cats weren't about to run me off my mission. But tonight was different. These cats were bout it. I flashed my lights at them but they still didn't move. When I popped my trunk, they didn't even flinch. As I stepped out my car, they were still looking hard at me, like I was invading their territory. I peeped one of them cats gnawing on a chicken bone, like that hot wing plate was the only food he had in a week. I gathered my bags out of the trunk and walked towards the dumpster. The ringleader stepped up to me.

"Watch out, yo!" I exclaimed in a menacing voice to no avail. They weren't about to let me pass to throw my bags in the trash. One of them walked over to the driver's side of my car, which I had left slightly ajar. I have a fear of locking my keys in my car, so I didn't want to close it all the way. He eyed my vehicle like he was about to make it his, while the other cats encircled me. "Oh shit," I thought. It's about to go down at the dumpster. I gotta get out of this situation. If they pounced, I really had no defense except to hit them with the two trash bags I clutched in either hand.

They got closer, and my instinct took over. Fight or flight? Fight or flight? Could I take on all 7 of these cats without taking an L? It was doubtful, so in the interest of self preservation I swung the bags over my shoulder and made a beeline back to my car, nearly tripping over the one that was eyeing the driver's side door. I slammed the door and sped off, coming about *thisclose* to running one of them cats over. I heard screaming behind me as I looked out my rearview mirror.

"Meeeeooooowww"

I hate them damn gangsta cats. Aren't they supposed to be afraid of humans?

What Annoys Me About Blogging

Before you get all indignant in the comments, remember I said blogging... not bloggers. I understand that not everybody shares my ideas and I don't really need explanations about why you do these things. I respect our differences. Have I made it clear that I still like you even if you do some of these things? Disclosure over... let's get to it.

I'm annoyed... when I go to someone's blog and they have those music players that I can't turn off. I may not want to hear what you are listening to. I may already be listening to something, then it mixes together with your music and I have to search the damn page to find the player so I can turn it off, but then there is no pause button. Usually when that happens, I just leave the page and make a mental note to come back later, but then don't.

I'm annoyed... when people don't put pictures of themselves on the blog. I would like to put a face to a writing style. I further annoyed when people put pictures of celebrities as their profile pic. It's like, nigga you ain't Tyson or sweetheart... you ain't Sade. I get the privacy issue, and I'm not trying to downplay it, but if I had my way, I would at least be able to see what you guys look like. Yes, I know I'm a camera whore so I have too many pictures of myself. That probably annoys you guys. LOL.

I'm annoyed... when bloggers write about me but don't mention me by name. Especially when its been over a year since I spoke to them and you would think they would be over whatever it is I did to them by now. I know nobody knows what I'm talking about, but I did some browsing this weekend and saw a couple of references to me. I just wish they would say "I'm talking about T. Cas. That nigga is crazy and here's why" instead of using cryptic words, much like I'm doing right now. LOL I guess I should annoy myself right now.

I'm annoyed... when people read my ish, but don't comment. Lurkers, I'm talking to you! Say something to me, shawty. Stop making me guess who you are by looking at my site meter. C'mon, please?

I'm annoyed... when a post I think is great doesn't go over well with the readers and when the BS posts get all the comments. It's like I should just stop trying so hard, because more people actually like it when I'm shallow and short winded. Yeah, there's no chance of that changing. I don't talk a lot, but I sure write a lot.

I'm annoyed... when female bloggers set unrealistic requirements for dating them and then complain when they don't find that ideal mate. I wrote about this before. But for some reason, its acceptable for women to only want to a certain type of man, but if a man says he only dates a certain type of women, there would be a revolt. I'm not talking about anybody who comments on my blog. Just some of the other ones I read from time to time. I would just like to say.. "you are not that fine. He doesn't want you" but that would be mean, I guess. Imagine if, for example, I said I only dated light skinned women with long hair that weigh less than 130 pounds. You would think that I am shallow and I'm pretty sure I would get hate email. But female bloggers can say they only date 6'3" chocolate baldheaded men with 6 packs and all the commenters will co sign with them. It's just annoying.

I'm annoyed... by poetry. Not poets per se, but poetry. It's only because I don't get it. And when I do get it, its like okay that was good, but can I get something personal about you, instead of hearing you suck up to the Black Woman, or bash the Black Man. I know I'm in the minority on this one, and the brotha poets get the ladies all moist, but it's just annoying to see the poetical pandering that goes on in Blogland. Haven't we run out of ways to describe the sensuality of a woman yet? No? Oh, okay.

I'm annoyed... when its been 2 weeks since your last post. I know I did it too, but its still annoying. At the very least, give us an update so we know when to come back. I hate checking up on a blog and seeing the same post day after day after day.

I'm annoyed... by private blogs. What are you hiding from me? You know I'm nosy as hell. Share it with the world.

I'm annoyed...by Gratitude Wednesday, Thankful Thursday, whatever you call it. It's been done to death. I get it you are thankful for the same things every week. I'm not saying don't be grateful, but could you at least be grateful on your own time? I'm trying to read a blog here, not a prayer. I'll be thankful if you stop with these repetitive posts.

I'm annoyed...when I get tagged for something I already did. Its like if you read my blog enough to tag me, you should already see that I did this SAME DAMN TAG last week. I'm not saying you have to read everyday, but come on if you want to know about me, don't tag me, just read the damn blog.

Finally, I'm annoyed... that I don't know how to use the strike through feature. I see a bunch of people doing it, but I can never get it to work. Same thing with the bold in comments. Every time I try to do it, I get an error saying that the html was not accepted. Yes, I know I could do some research on how to do it, but I haven't. Perhaps I revel in being annoyed, rather than finding the answer.

So that's some of the things that annoy me about blogging. Remember, that does NOT mean I don't like you or your blogs. Don't go getting all sensitive on me. Besides I'm sure I do plenty of stuff to annoy you too. It's only natural. Now it's your turn. What annoys you about this blogging thing? Let a brotha know. If I do it, I probably wont change, but I'm still interested. Blog Bully Jameil, I just know you have something to add. LOL

HipHopCrisy

I'm well past the stage of believing that rapper's personas are actually real; I understand that the tough guy, drug dealing, womanizing, gun toting image is all an act. But I remember when I was 15, listening to the gangsta themed hip hop of the day and thinking that those guys actually were thugs. I didn't realize back then, when I was walking to summer school in the 100 degree heat listening to NWA, The Geto Boys and Too Short on my Walkman that they were really like professional wrestlers: portraying a role for my entertainment. That's why I was weirded out when rap became mainstream and other sides of these artists came out. Even though I know that rappers are real people too, its still bugs the hell out of me when I see them acting contrary to their rap image. For example, "the nigga you love to hate" Ice Cube is doing family movies now. This is the same dude that made an art form of gangsta storytelling. And Ice-T plays a cop on TV. It was bad enough in New Jack City, but at least then he was still edgy. Am I the only one who remembers he made that song "Cop Killer" back in the 90's? Now he makes his living portraying one. It's like hiphopcricy. Rap one thing, do another. This is not a dis; I'm not knocking them for doing whatever they have to further their careers, but it's still a little strange. It also got me to thinking. What will other hip hop artists do that is contrary to their public image?

Will we one day see Mr. Baller, P. Diddy doing commercials for Charles Schwab? I can see it now. He's dancing around on the TV, talking about "save that, save that" and "I thought I told you that my 401k wont stop"

Will Snoop one day eschew his weed smoking ways and do a public service announcement for D.A.R.E?

Will Cam'Ron, who recently said he wouldn't call the police even if he knew a serial killer was living next door to him, one day perform at the Policeman's Ball?

Will Biz Markie show up on Sesame Street teaching kids how to read? Even though they probably already read at a higher grade level than him?

Will Lil Kim team up with Foxy Brown to do commercials for Maybelline? Ignoring the fact that they made their marks in their careers by looking like harlots.

Are we going to see Luke performing his new hit, "Hey, We Want Some Gender Equality!!!" at Spelman?

Will posthumous ads featuring Biggie Smalls and Big Pun run for Slim Fast?

Since Master P is already doing a show on Nickelodeon, so will we soon see Lil Wayne and Baby guest starring on the Disney's "That's So Raven"?

Will the WuTang Clan, after all these years of rapping about the hood, decide to do a commercial for the New York Board of Tourism.

Three words: Kanye West - Senator.

Is Eminem going to be the new spokesperson for Prozac and then set up a domestic violence shelter?

How long before the new Bushwick Bill life sized doll comes out?

Will Fifty Cent do a benefit concert for the Bronx Zoo? Well, that one actually works seeing how kinda looks like a gorilla. LOL

And finally, how long before President Bush decides to use Public Enemy's "Fight the Power" as the theme song for the war on terror? "We got to fight the power that be, whether in Iraq or Afghanistan, or any other Muslim country"

This is ignoring the obvious rapper tie ins like LL doing chapstick commercials or Jay-Z as the new mascot for Camel cigarettes, or Slick Rick as the new spokesperson for Jared's (You crumbs, I got my truck jewelry at Jared's.) I just wonder how many of my flights of fancy will actually come to fruition. You got any to add? Hit me up in the comments.

Things That Annoy Me part 32

I decided to start including at least one random unrelated thought before each post.

Today's Random Thought - I need to find my Fear of A Black Hat tape. If you haven't seen that movie, its a satire about the rap industry that is 10 times funnier than CB4.

Things That Annoy Me

Rosie O' Donnell - It's not just her, but its the incessant media coverage of her. She is annoying enough without having to see clips of her yelling 10 times a day, even on so called legitimate news programs. That leads me to....

Fox News Channel - Man, sometimes I just can't help myself. I know its gonna annoy me, but I have to watch it occasionally just to see what bullshit they will be talking. They are the most smug, nonobjective "journalists" I have ever seen.

Radio commercials for clubs- If I hear one more person say that their club is for the grown and sexy I might scream. And the commercials that say all ladies free before 11 and men free before 10pm. Who is going to the club that early to save a few bucks? And I'm sorry, but not every club can be the "hottest spot in the ATL." Just gets on my nerves.

Bad Parents - I was at my nephew's 5th grade graduation the other day. I was hanging outside with my baby nephew since he didn't want to keep still. I see this lady who has a 6 month old in one arm and a cigarette in her other hand. I wanted to call DFACs on her ass. I smoke, but I know better than to do it in front of the kids. That wasn't the worst thing I saw though. Another mother left her 3 year old outside with her newborn baby, while she took her 6 year old to the bathroom. (all ages approximate) I mean the little boy can't take care of himself, so how is he gonna take care of a newborn. I had to keep an eye on them because I didn't want them to get kidnapped or something, but it just really annoyed me.

Dumb Athletes - Michael Vick? I can't even talk about that. If he messes up a $100 million contract for some dog fighting, he deserves it, cuz that's just damn stupid. I'm of the opinion that most athletes should just play sports and leave the conversation for people who got their degree in something other than basket weaving. It seems like every day, I read about a professional sports star saying or doing something stupid. Just keep your mouth shut and go count your money, you rich idiots! That leads into the next one...

Rich people- They annoy me because they think being rich gives them a sense of entitlement. Or maybe just because they are rich and I'm not.

Laws named after crime victims - Amber Alert, Megan's Law, Joshua's Law... That's just annoying to me. Like they were the only people who ever were victims of a crime. And God forbid we name a law after some one who isn't blond and blue eyes. Where's Hector's Law or Raheem's Law? I'm sure the black and brown have just as many if not more crimes committed against them.

People who argue in Public - True Story. The other day I was on my break at work and one of my co workers asked to borrow my phone. I let him use and then I hear him arguing with his wife. I take a few steps away so as not to be involved in his drama and he starts walking in the same direction I am. I go even further and he follows me some more. I guess he wanted me to actually hear his argument, but I really wasn't tryna hear that shit. After the phone call, he decided to talk to me about how his wife "was fucking up" and how he had to "put her in her place." I was appalled. Leave that mess for home, man.

I 575 - I only have to be on this highway for about 3 miles to get to work, but damn if there isn't an accident or road construction every day. I don't know what it is, but those 3 miles are the longest, most annoying part of my commute to work.

Bad Rap - Man, there is so much bad rap out now a days. I mean, its like every thing is dumbed down so much, that Luke would be considered a lyrical genius now a days. The worst part about it is that I find myself knowing the words and bobbing my head to the beat. Damn catchy nursery school raps.

My Insomnia - I wish I could get to sleep before 6 am every now and then. I mean I'm not even close to be tired. Last week, I tried staying up all night and all day, in the hopes that I would be so tired that I could get to sleep earlier. Well I did fall asleep early, but then I woke up a few hours later and found myself on the same messed up sleeping schedule as before.

People from other places that talk shit about where they are - This includes New York niggaz who are always glorifying Brooklyn, but live in Atlanta. Africans who move to America and think they are better than American Black people. (Not to mention the ones who own the Taco Bell up the street and can't make a taquito or Grande Soft Taco right). And the people who move waaay out with the white people and then complain that there aren't any brothas around. I mean, if everything is so good where you come from, why are you here?

Other People's Procrastination - I'm the worlds biggest procrastinator, but I hate when other people do it. Correction, I hate when other people procrastinate and then I have to get involved. For instance, I had to help someone move today, but I didn't find out until around 5 pm. So at midnight, we finally finished packing up the Uhaul. I wasn't doing anything, but you know if I was, someone would have been disappointed.

And finally... I am really annoyed when people are intentionally cryptic. I mean, you don't have to tell all your business, I'm not asking that. All I need is just some background information so that what you are saying makes a little sense. Or maybe I can evaluate the situation with a little more insight. And yes, you this is in reference to our conversation Sunday night. Wait a minute... I was just cryptic my damn self. LOL.

Okay, so that's enough of the things that annoy me. I'm sure I could make this a weekly feature and not run out of annoying stuff. But for now, I'm gonna try to fight my aforementioned insomnia, and get that damn "Wipe Me Down" song outta my head. "Shoulders..chest...pants...shoes" Damn, there it goes again... Anyway, feel free to let me know what annoys you in the comments section, even if it's me.

People Watching

I should have made my New Year's Resolution to stop talking about people. I have a bad habit of watching people and then laughing about their quirkiness. Case in point, the other day I had to go to an orientation thing at work and the comedy was in abundance. Here are some of the people I saw at work along with some visual aids to let you see what I was seeing in my head.

Animal from the Muppets - I can't take credit for this one. I was actually being good and not verbalizing any of the thoughts I had in my head until my co worker Tanya passed me a note that said "look straight ahead it's Animal from the Muppets." I just about cracked up when I saw this girl. Her hair was intentionally wild and she had white stuff in the corners of her mouth, like she was rabid. She looked a little like this:


Bruce Bruce - Dude had on the oversized suit with about 74 buttons. His hair was processed and he looked like he was half preacher and half pimp with his rings on every finger. Even when he was sitting down, he was breathing hard out of his mouth. I can't even imagine what's gonna happen when he has to walk up all the stairs we got in our building. He looked like this:

k.d. lang - k.d lang introduced itself as John. Come to find out her last name was Johnson and the first name was Carol or something. We really couldn't tell if she was male or female for the first couple of hours. She had on a button up shirt with a blazer and kept touching her crotch, like she was adjusting her testicles. It really was bizarre.



The Gay Thurston Howell III - I don't wanna sound like Isaiah Washington or anything, but this dude was the funniest. He was wearing an nautical jacket with a white button up shirt... and an ascot. I have never really seen anyone wear an ascot in real life. I thought that was only in old black and white movies. He of course had all the stereotypical gay movements down like neck rolling and snapping. The outfit in the picture is almost exactly what he was wearing.



Here are some more observations I made:

Makeup Man - This guy I work with has a bald head and I think he puts makeup on his dome and face. I thought I was the only one who noticed, but Tanya asked me about today. If I wasn't such a punk, I would ask him about it.



Spandex in the Workplace??? - My work environment is business casual, but some people take the casual part to the extreme. I swear this is 100% true...This woman was wearing spandex pants today. I don't even need to say anything else about that.

The Potential Serial Killer - This guy just gives off a vibe that screams I have 13 bodies in the cellar. He is nebbish, and mousy and can't make eye contact to save his or your life. I overheard him talking about his antique knife collection and how well it can take the skin off of anything. He didn't necessarily say people, but of course in my mind that's what he was talking about.

The guy who talks me to death on break - This guy is always telling me ridiculous stories about his sexual conquests as if I gave half a damn. I usually pretend that I'm on the phone when i see him coming but every now and then he will sneak up before I can make my call. His latest story is about how some girl in the office (anonymous girl of course) dissed him at work, but then started stalking him when she saw him in VIP at a club. Now he allegedly made her buy him gifts before he would go out with her. I wanna call him out so bad, but I just let it go because it's not worth the energy. He also told me that I should start pushing up on some of the women in the office because "he has no competition for the bitches and its getting too easy." Clown ass nigga!



So, I know I am clowning the people I work with, but really its all in fun. Not everybody there has issues. There is lots of Eye Candy (Is that a term of degradation? I was told that was disrespectful. I certainly don't mean it to be.) and cool people. But they aren't as entertaining as the weirdos, so that's who I wrote about. I can only imagine what they think of me.