And Now... A Word From Our Sponsor

All over blogland, one question has thunderously reverberated…

“Where is he?...he…he…” (echo trails off)

Friend and foe alike have anxiously awaited his return…

‘I can’t wait for him to get back… He owes me money!”

The streets are waiting…

“We need him back. Don’t nobody speak for us no mo’”

Well, the time is afoot.. the time is nigh… Prepare for the return of….

(Explosions sound)

R. Jizzy!!!!

R Jizzy speaking/yelling:
That’s right, I’m back son! And wilder than ever. Get your blogs together, cuz the game’s about to change!!! Ever since I went on sabbatical, people been calling and emailing asking “Where’s Jizzy!, Where’s Jizzy!”. Well, I’m right here, dawg!!! I ain’t never left. I’ve seen people tryna take my throne. I’ve heard all the doubt. I’ve heard all the hate… Well, I’m back to take back my proper place at top of the blog world. All questions will be answered. All doubts will be erased. Son, you know what this is… R Jizzy… Blogger…Run Your Jewels, kid!!! Fresh for 2008, YOU SUCKAS!!!!!!!!

R. Jizzy returns… 11.01.2008…

Brought to you with limited commercial interruption by Dell… providing Rashan with the internet since 2004.

(If you have no idea what I’m talking about… check the side link and read Making The Blog.)

If I Ruled The Blog World...The Making The Blog Edition

If I ruled the blog world...The Making The Blog Edition...



You already know what annoys me about blogging. If not then check this link. This is something different. The blog world is mine! If I could make certain bloggers do certain things, this is how it would go down. In no particular order.



La - I would make La write every damn day. I love her writing style, no lie. I don't even care if she posts any of it, just email me a post to read everyday, and I'm good. If not, then send me pages from her diary, essays, half finished novel, something! If I could have a blog crush on someone based solely on her writing, it would be La (although I did see your MySpace page, so now I know what you look like too. LOL)



Jameil - Keep doing what you do, ma! I wish I had the dedication to post every day like you. Even when I don't know what you are talking about, like the Project Runway joints, I still find myself mad entertained. Thanks for getting me back to regular posting.



Opinionated Diva - Read what I said to Jameil. You two are the first blogs I check when I log on. Of course you already know that, since you are even more obsessed with your site meter than me. LOL. Keep it rolling.



Magnolia Peach - I would make her post a picture on her blog. Shallow, yep! But it is what it is. That way if I see you out in the streets, I can be like, hey, that's Magnolia Peach!



Dejanae - I would change the colors of her blog. I'm tired of straining my old eyes to read that maroon on black page. Oh, and turn off that bootleg music player. Even though sometimes you have some hot stuff on there, I'm already listening to music.



Pocahontaz - I would make her post more personal stories on her blog. I'm not much for the celebrity gossip and critiques, but when you talk about your life, I'm always entranced.



Cannon - I would make you stop cursing so much. It gets in the way of your posts. I can see your potential, but its muted by your constant foul language. I don't see anything wrong with cursing, but let it punctuate your point, not be your point.



The Goddess - Don't ever let 2 weeks go by without posting again. I'm just saying, If I ruled the blog world, that wouldn't happen.



Monie - I would make you respond to your comments in a more timely manner. I know I'm good for doing the same thing, but we aren't talking about me. LOL



Desy - Stop trying to put me in a room with your group of ragtag bloggers. The cool kids are over here. LOL Keep up the blog obsession. I already told you that you are hitting your blog stride right about now. Don't be getting all busy with school and abandoning us.



Stace - Just do what you said on your post and be mad honest. I'm saying, I don't care how grimey it gets, I'll ride with you.



X Factor - The comment moderation joint would be gone. I'm saying, let me see what everybody else said before I type my comment so it doesn't look like I'm copying.



Epsilonicus - I would know what the hell your name means. What is that... Latin?



Tom Gurl - I would have loads of Utterz posts from you. I know you hate your voice, but I kinda love it. Also, post more!





I limited this to the bloggers that are still in Making The Blog, but I probably got ideas about the rest of you too. That post would take all day. LOL. Turnabout is fair play. Go head (if you want) and tell me what you would do about my blog if you ruled the blog world. Of course, stubborn as I am, if you did rule the blog world, I'd have to pull a Toussaint on you and revolt. Ain't nobody gonna tell me what to do. LOL!

Making The Blog Pt 7

I'm too lazy to link all 6 previous posts, just take a look at the label "Making the Blog" for the previous posts.


Rashan (VoiceOver): Confessions… It just got hot up in here. I read things I didn’t expect to hear. I know I asked for it , but I didn’t think they would come that hard! I don’t know how I can cut anybody after that display. They all represented. Let’s see what happens

New Scene: The bloggers are hanging around outside the mansion in the pool area. It’s a warm spring day, so they are in shorts and short sleeved shirts. Jameil is standing next to the grill with her plate waiting for a burger. Desy and Dejanae are dancing and drinking Kremas. The other bloggers are scattered around the yard and swimming pool. The Cha Cha slide plays in the background. Enter Jizzy!

Rashan: What is that? Who playing the Cha Cha Slide in my crib?

Tom Gurl: Technically, we outside the crib.

Rashan: For real, didn’t I just tell y’all bout my smirk. Well take a good look. I’m tripping on this right here.

Diva: Just cuz you can’t dance…

Rashan: I can dance. Didn’t you see me doing the wop, the other day?

Monie: Okay, Okay… we’ll turn it off. Please just don’t dance again.

Rashan: Thanks Monie, *winks* Everybody gather round…

The bloggers gather round Jizzy who is standing on a picnic table.

Confessional:
Magnolia: He had to stand on that table so we can see his wee tail. He’s a short little dude, probably why he tries so hard to be hard.

Resume Scene:

Rashan: Ay, yo! Is everybody here? Where’s Eps?

Everybody looks around

Rashan: Jameil, what’s going on with your team? I don’t accept this tardiness.

Jameil: Where’s the fries, son? You can’t have a burger without the fries.

Rashan: Worry about your frust later Jam. One of your team members ain't here. Jizzy don't like that.

Eps comes running in adjusting his locs...

Eps: Sorry I'm late, Jizzy. But I had a good reason. I just don't wanna talk about it now.

Rashan: Excuse me? It sounded like you were just late and then had the nerve to not even come up with a reason. What's the deal, son? We don;t roll like that on Making The Blog...

Eps: For real, I don't wanna talk about it.

Eps storms off with a mean mug on his face.

Rashan: Jameil, can you handle that for me? Thanks.

Jameil: I got it... people are soooo extra.

Rashan: Now the rest of you...I read all your confessions. I have to say that I'm disappointed...

Confessional:
Stace: What more can he want? I got gangsta with my confession. I know he can't be trippin on me.

Resume Scene

Rashan: That's right. I'm mad disappointed, son! Disappointed I didn't make ya'll do that earlier. Them confessions was on point, yo!

Confessional:
Dejanae: His bootleg ass didn't scare me with that bootleg suspense. I'm saying, he wasn't gonna kick me off this bootleg blog. That would be bootleg.

Diva: Team Diva represented, didn't they?

Rashan: No, doubt. I gotta shout out 3 of y'all especially for putting it all out there. Stace, La and X? You guys really did it big. If I was a nicer blog master, you would be exempt from the next assignment. But, I'm mean, so you still have to do it...

Confessional:
X Factor - Ooooh, he makes me sick. I should have at least gotten a free pass for my confession.

Resume Scene:

Rashan: Team Jameil, what's up? Team Diva kinda wiped the floor with you. What happened?

Desy: They just some freaks, that's all. I don't have stories like that. I'm a virgin.

Rashan: I'm saying you guys did do some confessions, but they were kinda sanitized. I need bloggers that are gonna just put it all out there.

The Goddess: As I recall, your confession wasn't even your confession. How can you talk about us like that?

Rashan: Here we go again. The Goddess always talking like this is a democracy. It's not, this is a Jizzocracy. Not that I have to explain myself, but I did 2 confessions. Wasn't yours late, too?

Jameil reenters the room...

Rashan: What's up with Eps?

Jameil: You are sooo not gonna believe this, but his confession post got him arrested.

Rashan: Word? Where's he at now?

Jameil: There he is...

Eps reenters...

Eps: You got me arrested Jizzy! Had me confessing my crimes and the popo read about it and brought me in for questioning. I had to tell them it was fiction.

Rashan: You made it up?

Eps: Nah, but that's the only way they would let me go. I ain't messing with you no more, Jizzy!

Rashan: You made it to the next round, homey! Now go get you a drink and cool out.

Confessional:
Rashan: Damn, I ain't mean to get nobody locked up. I was just nosy. I knew I shoulda told them to use the word allegedly.

Tom Gurl - That was messed up. I hope they don't come after me for my confession. I was just a kid stealing.

Resume Scene:

Jameil: So, I hear you've been talking about my squad. It's not our fault that Team Diva is all about sex. There are other things to write about.

Rashan: You're right, but come on... Team Diva represented in this battle. And since Jizzy has declared them the winner of the confession competition, Diva gets to pick the next assignment.

Diva: Oh snap... okay, give me a minute to think of something....

Rashan: We'll meet back here in an hour. Everybody enjoy the food and drink but don't get too twisted cuz you are gonna have homework tonight. Go have some fun, get your blue black tan on, you've earned it.

New Scene:
La, Stace and X Factor are at a picnic table drinking. Caesar approaches.

Cannon: Whats good, ladies! Can Cannon rap with you for a minute?

La: Uhh, yeah sure why not.

Cannon - I read your posts and I'm just wondering if any of you need a fix right now. I could stick it in you real quick.

X Factor: The f*ck did you just say to me? Get yo young ass outta here!

Cannon: I'm saying I wont think you a smut jawn or nothing. We all grown, right?

Stace: I think you better go now.

Confessional:
Cannon: Man, I can't f*ckin beleive they fronted on your boy like that. I'm saying I read the blogs. I know what you all about.

La: I can't even get mad. At least he knows what he wants...He aint gonna get it, but at least he ain't a punk about it.

Resume Scene: Pocahontaz, Desy, Dejanae and Monie are talking while sitting by the pool.

Monie: So what do you guys think of Jizzy? I like the way his mind works.

Desy: Jizzy is an ass...Rashan is cool though.

Dejanae: He got a bootleg smart mouth. He's always saying something smart. He's a little strange...and I like it.

Pocahontaz: I like his lips.

Jizzy walks up and the women stop talking...

Rashan: What? Were you guys talking bout me? My spidey sense was going off...

Desy: Not everything is about you, ya know?

Dejanae: I'm grimacing at how concieted you are.

Monie: We were just having girl talk. Nothing much...

Rashan: Aiight then. I can take a hint. I'm out.

The ladies start laughing as Jizzy self consciously looks over his shoulder.

New Scene: R Jizzy is standing on the table again commanding attention. He stumbles a little, but plays it off.

Rashan: Okay gather round. I turn the floor over to one of my illustrious team captains... Opinionated Diva!

Diva: Thanks Jizzy. Your assignment is to write a post called "If I Ruled The Blog World."

THIS IS A REAL ASSIGNMENT. ALL MY MTB BLOGGERS SHOULD WRITE THIS POST!!! ANYBODY ELSE THAT WANTS TO GET IN ON THE FUN IS WELCOME TOO!

Confessional
Pocahontaz: That's my girl right there. Diva came up with a helluva idea...

Resume Scene: Nas and Lauryn Hill "If I Ruled The World" plays in the background.

Diva: The goal of this post is to tell us what you would do if you were in charge. What would you keep? What would you get rid of? Basically, the Blog World is yours to shape and mold. What would you do?

Jameil: Okay, I've already done something like this, so that means I'm exempt right?

Rashan: Team captains don't have to do it, but I think it would be very entertaining. I'm even gonna jump on this and come up with a post as well. Great idea, Diva.

Diva: Of course! Team Diva always shines. *gives side eye to Jameil*

Jameil: We'll see. You know I like to win. You don't remember how I crushed Jizzy in the consecutive posting contest? You can be next, Diva... Oooh, fries!!!

Jameil gets distracted by some french fries, so Jizzy takes over.

Rashan: Anybody got any questions? Good, then hop to it. We'll reconvene on Tuesday. As much as I dig you guys, eventually I'm gonna have to make some cuts. Keep that in mind while writing your posts. Peace!

Commercial Break

Making The Blog Part 6

I posted part 5 on Saturday. Some of you read it, but if you haven't check it out before you read part 6. Here are the links:

Click Here For: Part One, Two, Three, Four, and Five...

We gonna do something a little different this time. The assignment that I give in this part??? I want my MTB bloggers to actually do it in real life. I'll use that post to decide who I'm gonna cut next. That's right, actually write the post that I suggest below. Then I'll read them all and decide who keeps going. Sounds like fun, doesn't it? LOL

When we last left Making The Blog, Jizzy was mad disappointed in his bloggers. Jameil and Diva were about to tell them why...

Resume Scene: Riding on the Marta train.

Jameil: All of you violated the most basic rule of blogging today.

Diva: Yeah, what you did wrong was...

The bloggers are anxiously awaiting the information with nervous looks on their faces. Jizzy steps up.

Rashan: Hold up... don't tell 'em yet. Make these bloggers sweat it out for a minute. Y'all made some money today, huh?

Bloggers nod their heads.

Rashan: Put it in this bag. All of it. Don't count it, just put it in the bag.

Stace: You gon' take our money?

Rashan: Damn right! Don't worry, I'm not gonna keep it. But for real, give it up!

They pass the bag around and everyone puts in their money...

Rashan: Okay, ladies. Tell 'em what they did wrong.

Jameil: For real this time? You not gonna interrupt us again.

Diva: I know, right? All this suspense. This ain't one of your epic 3 part posts. Let us get to the point.

Rashan: Man, What's up with all this backtalk? Don't you know who I'm is? I'm Jizzy!

Diva: I know this much...Jizzy betta calm down before he get jacked up.

Jizzy holds his hands up as if to say, "My Bad".

Jameil: The reason we are so disappointed is that you actually begged people to read your stuff. I can...not... I have no words for how annoying that is.

Diva: Same thing in the blog world. Don't go to people's blogs asking them to read your blog. If they wanna read, they will read.

Rashan: Tell 'em about the emails, son!

Diva: Son? You do realize I'm a woman, right? But yeah, don't be sending people emails asking why they haven't visited your blog. Maybe they have been busy. Maybe they read but didn't have anything constructive to add.

Jameil: Maybe your blog just sucks. Maybe its just so wack, that they never want to abuse their eyes reading such garbage again in their lives.

Rashan: WORD LIFE!!! I'll read when I get ready. And if you ask me to read, then I will not read just out of spite. Blogging is a community. If you comment on my page, eventually I'll comment on your page. But don't try to rush me. Jizzy works on his own time. Jizzy plays by his own rules. Jizzy likes to drink, Jizzy likes to smoke, Jizzy likes to mix Arm and Hammer with his coke...

Epsilonicus: Isn't that a Young Jeezy lyric?

Rashan: My bad, I just got carried away. Do you all get the point, though? DO NOT DO THAT EVER AGAIN!!!

Magnolia: Didn't you tell us to do that?

Rashan: You just gonna blindly do what I tell you to do? You should know by now that this is all a game. You gotta be up on game if you wanna make the blog.

Confessional Cam:
La: Dammit, I knew it. I hate when people do that sh*t to me. Jizzy complained about people that do that on one of my posts. I shoulda followed my instincts.

Desy: I can't believe this idiot. He clearly told us what to do, and now he's mad about it. At the end of the day, he should be mad at himself.

Resume Scene:

Rashan: And now just to teach you all a lesson, I'm taking your money and we gonna make it rain.

Confessional:
The Goddess: Great... Jizzy's going to another strip club. Why doesn't he just find a real girl to deal with.

The train comes to a stop and the Jizzy and his captains lead the bloggers up the escalators onto the streets of Downtown Atlanta. The bloggers follow as Jizzy pimpwalks down the street. Fat Joe's "Make It Rain" plays in the background.

Rashan: Y'all ready to make it rain? You wanna see how Jizzy does it.

Tom_Gurl: Not particularly... no!

Rashan: It's gonna be legendary! You gonna enjoy this.

Diva: Umm. Are you sure about this? A lot of these ladies don't wanna see this.

Rashan: It's necessary. They need to know what Jizzy is all about.

Jameil: It's pretty sleazy down here though.

Rashan: It's cool, ladies. They gonna enjoy watching me make it rain.

Confessional:
Dejanae - When we got to the door, I was like "what kind of bootleg strip club is this?" It just didn't look right.

Monie: I couldn't believe that Jizzy was taking us here. It's real disrespectful to subject us to that.

Resume Scene: Jizzy opens the door and...

Confessional:
Cannon: Sh*t, this ain't no f*cking t*ttie bar... I thought we was gonna see some naked h*es!

Resume Scene: The camera reveals that it is a homeless shelter. Women and children are sitting around on cots. Homeless people are in line for food. Crystal Water's "She's Homeless" plays in the background.

Rashan: You thought I was gonna take y'all to a strip club, right? Jizzy is full of surprises. I'm gonna take all that money you earned today and donate it to the homeless.

Jameil: Its all about giving back. That's what we do in my sorority...SIGMA GAMMA RHO!!!

Diva: We just wanted you all to know that Making the Blog isn't all bright lights and glamour. It gets serious sometimes too.

Rashan: We are gonna help out here today. In addition to donating this nice chunk of change, I want you all to volunteer in anyway that they can use us.

Confessional:
Pocahontaz: Aww, Jizzy has a heart. I had no idea.

X Factor: This was right up my alley. I love volunteering for a good cause. You guys should check out my cancer walk on May 3rd. WRITERS NOTE: This is not blog advertising because its for a good cause. Much Props, Monique!

Resume Scene: The camera shows the bloggers interacting with the homeless, serving food and playing with children...Montage Style. "That's What Friends Are For" plays over the scene. Several bloggers are tearing up, including Jizzy. They leave the homeless shelter getting hugs from the kids.

Jameil: You crying, son?

Rashan: Nah. I mean, Jizzy don't cry.

Diva: Yeah, he crying! It's okay, some dudes are just sensitive.

Rashan: Nah, I got homeless dirt in my eyes. I'm not affected by this. I'm from the mean streets of Savannah, GA! Ain't no tears in the C-Port City!

Confessional:
Rashan: I can't front. It was just beautiful seeing all of us come together to help out. It's rough seeing kids in that shelter. You know Jizzy loves the kids!

New Scene: Back at the house. The bloggers are hanging out in the living room, lounging, drinking and chatting. Enter Jizzy again with Jameil and Diva.

Rashan: I hope everybody got something out of todays activity. I wanted to let you know that its okay to have a heart in your blog. I mean, sometimes we get so caught up in being funny, that we forget to show real life in our blogs. I'm guilty of it myself. I'm so sarcastic that people don't get to see the side of me that takes things seriously.

The bloggers nod their heads in agreement.

Rashan: That being said, we still got work to do. This is about making the blog, and now I need to see what you got. Are you ready for your next assignment? Diva, Jameil... I need you guys to do this one too.

Diva: But we are the captains...we aren't supposed to be actually working.

Jameil: I already post everyday. What more do you want from me?

Rashan: Chill... just hear me out! Todays assignment is gonna be a tough one. It's so hard that I'm going to give you all until the end of the week to complete it. I call this one...Confessions!

Usher's "Confessions Pt 2" plays.

Confessional Cam:
Epsilonicus: Confessions? As soon as I heard that, I had a pretty good idea where Jizzy was going with this one.

WRITERS NOTE: This is the part that I want you all to do in real life. It's like a tag, but not really. Anybody else who is not part of Making The Blog that wants to do it should feel free too. This should be fun.

Resume Scene:
Rashan: That's right: Confessions. I want you all to write a blog post detailing something that no one but the closest people know about you. It can be in any form you want. You can tell about a time when you did something you weren't particularly proud of. You can write about a crime you committed, or just some secret that no one knows. You can be as vague or as descriptive as you choose, but I need to be able to understand not only what you did, but the impact your actions had. Any questions?

Stace: So, basically... you just want to be nosy.

Rashan: Well, that is part of it, but I think it really makes for compelling blogging when people reveal themselves. I would never ask you to use real names, although if you want to that's fine. I only ask that you not be too cryptic, and keep it real with the blog world.

La: What about you? You are asking us to bare our souls... will you do the same?

Rashan: Hey, now! I'm making this blog. I don't do homework. I never did it in school and I'm not about to start now.

Jameil: It's only right that you share with us too.

Bloggers all chant in unison: Do it, too! Do it, too!

Jizzy starts sweating and wipes his forehead with a white towel. The chanting continues...

Bloggers: Do it, too! Do it, too!

Rashan: Aiight, Aiight! I'm in. You'll get my confession later this week.

Diva: This should be good. You should tell that story you told me the other day.

Rashan: Nah, can't tell that one. But I'll come up with something. Remember, this assignment is due by Friday. If you don't do it, it's pretty much guaranteed that you will not be making the blog.

Confessional:
Rashan: What have I started here? This should be mad interesting. I can't wait to read what people come up with. I'm gonna get out of here and think about my confession. Until the next episode of Making The Blog, I wanna say: PEACE! AUDI 5000!

Closing Credits.

Making The Blog Pt. 5

I tried to recreate what I wrote the other day. It may not be as funny cuz I'm wide awake now as opposed to Thursday night when I was high off of benadryl. Anyway, here is Making The Blog, part 5...

Click Here For: Part One, Two, Three and Four...


Last we saw- Rashan was about to unleash his master plan that would essentially weed out the weakest members of the teams.

New Scene:
Rashan walks in decked out in his vintage yellow fubu hoodie adorned by his Armani blazer lookin extra fresh. He stops in front of the camera, removes his Gucci shades and just smiles at the ladies. Jameil walks around him shaking her head and Diva follows mushing Rashan in the head.

Diva: Come on bighead. Nobody wanna see all dat. And I don't have all day to wait for this. Can you get to it please?

Rashan gives the side eye and regains his swag.

Diva: What I tell you about men giving the side eye, Jizzy? That was mad soft.

Rashan: Alright bloggers, it's time to truly test your dedication to this competition. If you thought it was hard before, you haven't seen nothing yet.


Confessional Cam
Tom_Gurl: The suspense was killing me. I wish Jizzy would just come out with it.

Resume Scene:
Rashan: So in true MTB fashion we are gonna split these teams up even further and see what you are made of. Y'all know I'm obsessed with the Utterz joint, right? Now we gonna get to hear what all of you sound like. I want you to do a voice post for me... but there's a twist.

Bloggers look around at each other wondering what Jizzy has in store

Confessional Cam:
Pocahontaz: For real, all this waiting is driving me crazy, just tell us what we have to do.

Rashan: The next challenge is gonna require some real stamina. Do you guys think you have what it takes complete what I have in store?

Jameil: Can we stop all this suspense building and just cut to the chase please?

Rashan: Fine. This isn't gonna be just for me. Each team is gonna have to stand and recite their posts at the Five Points Marta station. Your goal is to collect money so that you can hike yo' ass up to Subway and get me a Tuna Footlong Sub- no combo necessary. To make it into a real challenge, you'll need to recite your posts while holding your laptops. Any questions?

Silence

Confessional Cam
Monie: This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. I hate those voice posts. Most people read at work and can't even hear the damn things. But I'll do it, I guess.

Resume Scene:
Rashan: Alright then. I forgot to tell you the best part... Y'all going head to head in this joint. Straight competition style. Diva, let these cats know who they will be facing.

Diva: It's gonna go down like this:

Caesar vs. La
The Goddess vs. Monie
Magnolia vs. X Factor
Tom Gurl vs. Epsilonicus
Desy vs. Pocahontaz
Dejanae vs. Stace

Jameil: Everybody get to work. The funnier your voice post is, the more money you can collect for Jizzy's Tuna Sub fund.

New Scene: 5 points train Station - Downtown Atlanta
The camera shows passengers waiting for their train. A few are listening to iPods. A couple are reading books. Guys in baggy jeans are trying to chat up girls in hotel uniforms. Trains whiz by.

Jameil: Okay, guys we are here. You'll have 3 hours to recite your posts for as many people as possible. Remember..Jizzy is always watching.

Diva: No, really. He's watching. He told me a story about how he likes to watch. It disgusted me. Pervert!!!

Confessional Cam:
Rashan: I'm saying... I like to watch. How does that make me a perv? I'm a visual creature...

Resume Scene:
The bloggers are grouped in pairs approaching people in the train station trying to read their blogs to them. Caesar approaches a lady in a business suit. Her face is blurred because she wouldn't sign the release to use her image.

Caesar: Excuse me, lady. Can I have a minute of your time?
Lady: I got to go.
Caesar: I'm saying, you waiting for the train. It ain't here yet. Lemme read you something.
Lady: Leave me alone.

Confessional:
Caesar: That f*ckin lady was a racist. She sees a young Black man and immediately thought I was gonna rob her. She coulda listened for a minute.

Resume Scene: La is sitting on a bench in front of the Northbound train. 2 young guys walk up to her.

1st guy: Hey, shawty. What yo name is?
La: I'm La!
2nd guy: What you doing sitting over here by yourself. You want some company?
La: Sure, come on.

Confessional:
La: Normally, I would never talk to these clowns, but I need to read my post to as many people as possible, so I'll put up with them.

Resume Scene: La is faux flirting and reading the blog to the guys. They leave and she holds up a $20 bill at the camera.

Confessional:
La: (laughing) Guys are so easy... I didn't even have to ask for it.

Resume Scene: Dejanae and Stace are on the eastbound train platform. Dejanae approaches a tall brotha with locs.

Dejanae: I'm a read you some poetry, man...
Loc Brotha: Cool, my sister.

Camera shows her reading her blog. The brother is enthralled.

Loc Brotha: My sista, that was enlightening. Let me bless you with one of my pieces.
Dejanae: Nah, that's okay. I gotta go now.
Loc Brotha: My Black Queen...Deep as the Euphrates...Hot as the Serengeti....

Confessional
Stace: God, I hate this wack poetry jam. I can't believe people are really into this. But I know what I have to do...

Resume Scene:
Stace: (poetically) Dreaming of a Black Prince/to penetrate my defense/it may not be common sense/but the Black love is immense...

A crowd starts forming around Stace, Dejanae and the loc brotha... They nod their heads to Stace's mock poem. People start putting dollars in hat.

Confessional:
Dejanae: I can't believe they were falling for that bootleg poetry. That sh*t wasn't even real.

Stace: People are like my kindergarten class. I talked to them like they were kids and they ate it up. Did I mention I hate wack poetry? But it worked for me.

Resume Scene: A montage of all the other bloggers approaching passengers, some successfully, others with no luck. Jay-Z's "Excuse Me, Miss" plays in the background. (Get it, cuz they are talking to strangers. LOL) As the song ends, Jizzy walks in the train station flanked by his entourage...

Rashan: Ay, yo! Time's up, bloggers. Everybody gather around...

Confessional:
Desy: I know I made a lot of money out here. I just don't know if I got more than Pocahontaz. She was talking to everyone about all the latest celebrity gossip. People love gossip.

Resume Scene: Everybody hops on a train. The doors close and the camera shows all the bloggers sitting down. R. Jizzy is standing up in the center of the train.

Rashan: I rented out this train so I could talk to y'all about today's assignment. Today, you had to read your blogs to anybody that would listen and collect money for it. How'd y'all do?

X Factor: I did pretty good. People are surprisingly generous.

Rashan: So, you think you can blog for money?

X Factor: I don't know about that, but it was nice.

Rashan: Right, Right! I hear that. But for real... I'm mad disappointed in all of you though...

Bloggers look confused.

Epsilonicus: What'd we do wrong? We just did what you told us to do.

Rashan: Y'all really don't know what you did wrong? You just gonna sit here and act like you don't know. That's what's hot in the streets? Yo, Jam! Yo, Diva!

Jameil: Wassup, Jizzy!

Diva: Don't "yo" me!

Rashan: My bad... Ladies, you wanna tell them what they did wrong today?

Confessional:
The Goddess: I can't even imagine what they are gonna say? All I know is that I did my assignment correctly.

Magnolia Peach: Here comes Jizzy and his mind games. I wish he would just say what he means for once...

Resume Scene:
Jameil: I sure will... All of you violated the most basic rule of blogging today.

Diva: Yeah, what you did wrong was...

Cut to commercial...

Blogger Ate My Post...Now What?

Mobile post sent by Rashan Jamal using Utterz. Replies. mp3

For all of you utterz challenged folks... Blogger ate my post. I wrote Part 5 of Making The Blog last night, went to publish it and then got a crazy error message. I went back to my drafts to republish it and that joint was nowhere to be found. I'm about to hop on the leaving Blogger bandwagon. It's always down when I go to lunch at work, the only time I really can read and comment during the day. That's why you always see me commenting in the wee hours of the morning. I get home and wind down and then I comment. Since my real post is gone, I'm just typing on the fly in hopes that I can come up with something interesting to write about. I don't have the energy to recreate the madness that went into Making The Blog right now. Oooh, here's something interesting...

How many bloggers phone number's do you have? How many have yours? Do you talk to them outside of the blog world on a (semi) regular basis? How do you know when its okay to talk offline? Is there a blogger that you think it would be cool to talk to, but dont want to initiate it because they might get the wrong idea? Do you just keep the blog world and real world completely separate? Let me be the first to answer those questions...

I currently have 3 bloggers phone numbers. One I talk to regularly, the other I talk to from time to time, and the other I've only talked to once or twice. These are the current bloggers I mess with it. If we go back to the old blog when I was Mr. Popularity, I think it would have been another 7 or 8. Since they don't like me anymore, I don't know if they still have my number and I know I have deleted quite a few numbers from my phone. I've had the same phone number for damn near 8 years, so they can still reach me if they want to. As far as how I knew it was okay to talk to them offline, it varied. One just didn't strike me as the crazy type, so I knew it would be okay. I had to tell her a story that couldn't fully be encapsulated in an email, so I called and gave her the details. The other, I was a little nervous about when I gave her my number because I didn't know what to expect. It turned out to be cool though. There is a blogger that I think I could be friends with, but I haven't exchanged phone numbers with her because I don't want her to think I'm trying to holla at her and start giving me the side eye. LOL As far as keeping the two worlds separate, I did that for the last year, but now I'm cool with sharing the real me with my blog family again.

What do you know? I somehow managed to make a real post out of nothing, but this doesn't work unless I get feedback from you. Go head and answer them questions for me and satiate my unnatural nosiness curiosity. If you are braver than me, go ahead and name names too. Check back on Saturday for Part 5 of MTB. Peace!

Making The Blog Pt 4

I wrote this one at work too, so there maybe some errors... Look past them please...

When we last left off, R. Jizzy was trying to think up ways to shake up the competition... Lets see what he came up with...


Rashan: I now it’s only been a couple of days, but I need to do something to shake things up. R. Jizzy don’t stand pat for no one. We keeps it real round here. I already got cats talking back, being apathetic, acting like Making the blog aint the most important opportunity of their writing lives. I can’t stand for that, so I’m gonna make some changes round here. First I need to tell my captains what’s about to go down….

Rashan is sitting in a studio playing with the equalizer boards. Sam Cooke’s “A Change Gonna Come” plays in the background. Enter Jameil and Diva…

Rashan: Thanks for joining me ladies. I gotta make some tough decisions and I’m hoping you can help

Jameil: What’s going on?

Rashan: I need something to shake up the troops. I think they are getting happy just being here and not willing to put in the work. They procrastinating and I can’t have that.

Dvia: It’s only been 2 assignments, Are you sure you are ready to get rid of them yet? Some of these bloggers have lots of potential.

Rashan: I gots to.

Diva: I’m just saying, I don’t want you to do anything rash and lose one of the better bloggers here.

Rashan: I understand, but I’ve made up my mind. What I need you to do is to help me make my decision. You read the first two assignments. I unfortunately have busy elsewhere with my Blogger duties and haven’t seen the work. I need to know based on what you know about me, who do you think should go home?

Jameil: Can’t you read them yourself? Why you trying to make us the bad guys.

Rashan: Don’t worry, nobody will know that you made the decision, besides, that’s what being the captain is all about. You gotta be able to make the tough decisions.

Jameil: How many are you cutting?

Rashan: I got too many here… lets take 2 from each team.

Diva: 4?

Rashan: yes, you have mastered math! Now lets make this decision…

Rashan, Jameil and Diva continue their conversation, but it is inaudible. There again, lots of hand movements and animated discussion…

Confessional Cam:

Diva: I thought Jizzy was going a little overboard with the cuts, but I think we might have actually helped out the team I should be able to work more closely with this new team.

Jameil: If I had my choice, I know who would be leaving, but it ain’t about me. It’s all about what Jizzy wants. So let’s see how it works out.

New Scene:

The bloggers are standing on a raised platform…ala Flavor of Love. Jizzy is standing in front of them, with Jameil and Diva flanking him.

Rashan: I know you are probably wondering why you are all here. Let’s not waste anymore time…. I’m making some cuts. It’s not a reflection upon you personally, but what I need in order to make my blog the best I can. I hope that you will all take this in the spirit in which it’s given…I’m not saying you aren’t good enough, I’m just saying that you aren’t a fit for the blog I’m trying to make.

Confessional:

Desy: Word? So soon. I didn’t think it would go down this quick.

Monie: I’m not really worried. I can tell from his comments to me that he likes my style. I know I’m gonna continue on in this competition.

Resume Scene:

Rashan: If I call your name, I want you to come up here. Caesar, come up here…

(Caesar steps up)

Rashan: I heard we have a little issue with the use of profanity in your writing.

Caesar: Da @#$% are you talking about? I don’t curse that much…

Rashan: Understand, I don’t have a problem with it. I just want you to make sure that all of your colorful language doesn’t detract from the point you are trying to get across.

Caesar: So, I’m cut???

Rashan: Slow down, playa! La, get up here!

La walks up and stands next to Caesar…

Rashan: Did you two get a chance to get to know each other?

La: Not yet.

(They shake hands)

Rashan: Caesar, I want you to read La’s page… She’s a curser too, but things are a little different. Her cursing adds to the post, rather than distracts from it. It’s a subtle thing, but I think you could benefit from learning the difference.

Caesar: So, I’m cut?

Rashan: Hold on, playa! I’m not done…La, you and Diva had some problems earlier?

La: No, we didn’t. I was just playing with her. I have a sense of humor that takes some time to get used to.

Rashan: That sense of humor was one of the reasons I invited you here. It’s very similar to mine. Plus you have some great writing skills.

La: Thanks Jizzy!

Rashan: Don’t thank me yet. Did I make a mistake putting you on the same team as Joy and X actor. I know that you are close. Are you gonna be able to focus on making the blog?

La: I’m all about the blog, Jizzy!

Caesar: I don’t mean to interrupt… but am I cut?

Rashan: Damn Caesar, you got somewhere else to be? No, you aren’t cut. Get out of here and take La with you.

Caesar and La leave

Confessional Cam:

La: I’m still here. Jizzy is dead wrong for tryna make me think I was going home. Although, I do miss my Honey!

Resume Scene:

Rashan: Minerva are you here?

(Everybody looks around, but can’t find her)

Rashan: Anybody seen Minerva during the whole time we been here? Anybody see a comment or a new post from her? I didn’t think so… I think I have to cut her. If anyone sees her anywhere, go head and tell her.

Rashan: Who’s next… Stace and X Factor… Come on up….

The 2 come upstage…

Rashan: I’m not gonna even drag this out. You all are in. X, I wanna thank you fr your 3 part post. That was really touchingt.
Stace, you’ve been writing very consistently. I look forward to seeing wahts next….

Stace and X Factor leave…

Confessional Cam:

X Factor: Whew… lets go get some sushi and some dranks… Anybody know anything about that Nuvo?

Stace: Let’s do it…

Resume Scene:

Rashan: DJ Diva…come on up… I dig your blog. I really do, it’s just not the format of mine. I’ll be sure to come check out your Mixtape Mondays. I rock out to it, but there are too many copyright issues, and with all my haters, the last one I need on my back is the RIAA. I’m gonna have to put you on hiatus…

Confessional Cam:

Jameil: Is Jizzy just gonna keep cutting my team.. We are fabulous.. didn’t you see our shirts?

… Insert picture when I get home from work…

Rashan: We gonna make 2 more cuts… And lemme just say that none of these decisions came easy. But you know yo boy Jizzy got a huge ego… There are a few cats that haven’t been showing me love. I don’t know if they just busy or what, but for real… I need to see some comments to know that you still roll with your boy.

Confessional:

Eps: I knew he was talking bout me. I got a new girlfriend, and am busy with school, I hope he takes that into account. Not everyone has time to read everyday.

Resume Scene:

Rashan: Eps, Joy and 2nd 68 come on up…

(they come up)

What’s the deal… you volunteered for this Making the blog thing, but you ain’t ever coming around. Spreading the comment love…

2nd 68 – You haven’t commented on my blog in months…

Rashan: This ain’t about me.. I’m Jizzy… I’m making this blog…

2nd 68 – I only stopped by cuz Diva’s my homegirl and for some reason she seems to like your arrogant ass…

Rashan: Hold on, dawg!

2nd 68: You ain’t got to worry about cutting me… I’m leaving on my own. You are terrible.

Rashan: Wait… I’m supposed to..

(2nd 68 storms off, Diva starts laughing…)

Rashan: Something funny, Jasmin?

Diva: Huh? I mean, nah. I’m okay….

Rashan: I guess I just got one more cut to make now, since somebody, just dipped out on me… Eps, I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt, cuz I know how it is with a new girl. I mean I roll out on my friends all the time when I meet a new young lady. Matter of fact, the blog world is damn lucky, that I haven’t had a real girlfriend in ages… cuz ain’t no way I woulda posted this much…. Joy, I haven’t seen you by here in ages, and I know I come read yours… My ego can’t take that… I’m gonna have to put you on hiatus….

Confessional:

Joy: It’s all right. I was too busy trying to find a real job anyway. I still got love for Making The Blog….

Resume Scene:

Rashan: The rest of you are safe for now. I’m gonna be on top of things now. There are 12 of you left. This is gonna be a straight competition for here on out. You work with your teams, but you work for yourselves… Impress me with your posts.. and you stay. Come with the slackassness, and you gonna go home. Go relax, cuz we start up again first thing in the morning…

Confessional Cam:

Rashan: Aiight, I trimmed some of the fat…Got rid of some cats that I wasn’t quite sure really wanted to be here. It’s crunch time now. I’m gonna go think of some more adventures for the teams. More exciting posts, More drama… Let’s really make this blog!

End of Episode….

Making The Blog Pt 3

When we last left Making The Band, R. Jizzy was about to go off on somebody for something. Lets rejoin our show to see what happens next. Also if you missed the first 2 parts, they are linked below.

Part 1

Part 2

Making The Blog Part 3

Rashan: It’s come to my attention that one of you is sleeping with the enemy! Playing with my money. Playing with my money is like playing with my emotions. C Big Worm 1995.

Crowd murmurs.

Rashan: So know you gonna act like you don’t know what I’m talking about? Huh, that’s what's hot in the streets now? Feigned ignorance?

Jameil: Uh, maybe instead of acting like people can read your mind, you should just say whats up.

Diva: Co sign with Jameil…

Rashan: Aiight, you wanna know whats up? I heard one of you cats is with already signed to another blogger service. Knowing Blogger is the label that paaaays me? Who is it? Step up now or forever hold your piece, yo!

Goddess: That’s me, Jizzy!

Rashan: You wanna explain this to me? You think that’s cool to be all up on blog city. Betraying me and ish?

Goddess: I’ve been with them for years. Its no reflection on Blogger, but I can’t just ditch them when I haven’t even made the blog. Besides…

Rashan: What!?!

Goddess: Besides I can..

Rashan: What!?!

Goddess: I can still..

Rashan: What!?!

Diva: Let her talk, bighead!

Rashan: Come on, you know you aint supposed to call me that in mixed company. But go head Goddess, please explain yourself.

Goddess: I have a blogger account too. I can still comment on everybody’s pages. Ask Tam!

Rashan: Aiight, I'll look into that. Now fall back into line.

Goddess: For real, I know you think you the man, but don’t make me get The God up here to handle you.

Rashan: The God? That big dude? Nah, I’m good. My bad, Goddess…

Confessional Cam :

DJ Diva: Jizzy is drunk with power. He needs to reign that in a little.

Magnolia Peach: How he gonna front on my teammate like that? And then back down like a big beyotch. I was dying.

Cut back to scene:

Rashan: Okay, now that we got all that out the way. We gonna have another assignment. I want you to work with your team captains to make this post as good as it could be.

Here’s your assignment (AGAIN..You don’t have to actually do it. LOL)

Love, like and lust are big topics in the blog world. I want you to write a post about someone that you are crushing on. It could be a celebrity, another blogger, yours truly (ladies only) or just some man/woman from round the way. The more descriptive the better. I’ll give you until tomorrow before its due. I wanna warn you though. I’m not taking any excuses. If its not done, you can bet that you are outta here. That’s my word!!!

Jameil: Anybody have any questions?

Tom_Gurl: What if you are already with someone? Can I write about Soldier?

Jameil: You sure can. Just make sure that it comes across that you are still crushing.

Diva: Anybody else? No, okay. Well you have all night, but don’t procrastinate Cuz it’ll be due before you know it.

Rashan: Aiight, peeps. We’ll reconvene here tomorrow. One!

Confessional Cam:

Monie: I'ont know what I'm gonna write about yet. I got all night though.

Scene changes... La, Stace, X Factor and Joy are sitting around the bar talking. Opinionated Diva is sitting on the couch with the rest of her team, who are feverishly typing away on their laptops.

Confessional Cam:

Diva: See I knew it was gonna be some trouble. All of Jameil's friends are isolating themselves. Talking when they should be writing. I need to nip this in the bud right away.

Resume Scene:

Diva: Hey ladies! How's the post coming? You guys finished yet?

X Factor: No, not yet. I'll get to it in a few.

Diva: Maybe you should do your work first, then catch up with each other.

La: Don't worry about us. We got this under control.

Diva: Didn't you just go an entire week without posting anything new. I'm just trying to make sure our team represents.

The Joy: I didn't know my moms was gonna be up in here. We grown. I know what I need to do.

Stace: She out her futhamuckin' mind...The YFF doesn't need anyone to tell her what to do.

Diva: YFF?

ALL: Young, Flashy and Fly!!!

Confessional Cam:

Diva: I have half a mind to just let them fail. I don't need attitudes like that on my team. I'm from Brooklyn, son! I don't play that.

New Scene: Jameil is reading a blog looking very worried. Caesar walks in.

Jameil: Hey, I wanted to talk to you about your post.

Caesar: That sh*t was hot wasn't it?

Jameil: Uhh, that stuff was not hot. It wasn't even tepid. You can't say this kind of stuff.

Caesar: What do you mean?

Jameil: Read this line... Do you think its appropriate to describe your crush this way?

Caesar: (reading) "Yo, this f*cking chick is so g*ddamn bad!" What's wrong with that?

Jameil: You don't see it?

Caesar: I'm from Philly. That's how we talk.

Jameil: Lawd Jesus. Somebody help me out. Desy, come here. Read this and tell me if you think something's wrong with it.

Desy: "Yo, this f*cking chick is so g*ddamn bad!" Caesar, sweety, what's up with the colorful language? You can make this sound so much better if you stop cursing so much.

Jameil: Thank You!

Caesar: I don't see what the big deal is. You curse too. Everybody in here curses, except for the blog prude.

Desy: Yeah, but you have way too many curse words in here. Just try to write one post without sounding like you on Def Comedy Jam. Do it for me, please? *bats eyes*

Caesar: Okay for you, I'll try it.

Confessional Cam:

Jameil: What was that? Did you just see that blatant flirting going on? I hope this doesn't affect my team.

Caesar: For real, if I had to pick one blogger to be trapped on a deserted island with, it'd be Desy. If she wants me to stop cursing, I guess I can try.

Resume Scene:

Jameil: Where's Minerva? Anybody seen Minerva? People lets get this thing together. Jizzy will be back in a few hours and we need to make sure we are finished.

Confessional Cam:

Dejanae: Everybody is all rushing and ish to impress Jizzy, or Raashan or whatever his name is. I ain't even worried. He gonna be all right. I got his number. I know what he likes. He gonna be sweating my post.

New Scene: It's now morning. The camera pans to show the sun rising and rush hour Atlanta traffic, white people outside jogging, and other signs that its early in the AM. R. Jizzy comes downstairs, wearing the infamous yellow hoodie and a stocking cap.

Rashan: Oh, sh*t! I forgot all y'all was up in my crib. Never mind, how's everybody doing this morning? Y'all finished your homework?

*grumbles from contestants*

Rashan: Oh, y'all wanna act first thing in the morning like you don't wanna be here. That can be arranged, you know? Lemme go get dressed, and then I'll deal with you. I know this much, I better see some better attitudes when I get back...

Confessional Cam:

Rashan: I try to be cool with them, but I don't know if they getting the message. I might just have to test them to see who really wants to be here. This really ain't a game. Making the Blog is dead serious, yo! I got an idea of how to see who really wants to be here. It might be a little mean, but I think its necessary for the well being of my blog. I can't wait for it to go down...

Commercial

Making The Blog Pt 2.

I wrote this at work, on my Microsoft Outlook with the screen minimized so please excuse any typos. I tried to correct them, but I'm sure I missed one or three here or there. Anyway, to reiterate...you do NOT have to do any of the tasks I assign, but if you do, I'll love you that much more. LOL.

24 Hours Later...

X Factor: Where’s Jizzy? He told us to be done in 2 hours now he’s nowhere to be found.

Epsilonicus: I been checking back in his office for the past day, and he’s not there. He’s so unreliable.

Camera cuts to R. Jizzy – sitting in a barber chair getting a line up.

Desy: I can’t believe he had us do all this work and didn’t even bother to show up. Where he at?
He's such an idiot!

Camera cuts to R. Jizzy at a club with a stack of ones.

La: I finished my homework hours ago… Where da f*ck is he? I hate it when people don't show up when they are supposed to.

Camera cuts to Jizzy…flanked by Jameil and Diva. He’s walking while taking on his cell phone.

Rashan: What’s da deal, people? You good?

(various grumbling…followed by one anonymous loud voice asking about his whereabouts.)

Rashan: Ay yo, son! For real? You gonna question me? Who said that sh*t! Whose blog is this kid? This is my ish you tryna make. Don’t ever in your life fix your mouth to question Jizzy! Jizzy runs this. Jizzy is the man round here…

Diva: Calm down, Rah! She ain't know no better.

Jameil: Jizzy is so exxxxttttaaaa!!!

Rashan: Aiight, I’m good. But for real…Trust that Jizzy knows what he’s doing….Jameil, tell them the point.

Jameil: Okay, people. You know how you guys felt waiting for Rah-shan to come back today? You were mad that he left you hanging like that, weren’t you?

(everybody agrees. Nods heads)

Jameil: Well, that’s how it feels when you post sporadically. People come to count on us bloggers to get through the day. How many times have you gone 7 days without a new post? It’s not cool, people.

Diva: If you wanna make the blog… there is no room for slacking off.

Rashan: That's right, Diva! No slackassness!

Rashan: Everybody repeat after me: THERE WILL BE NO SLACKASSNESS ON BLOGGER!!!

(Everybody tentatively says it)

Rashan: YOU BETTER SAY IT, FOOLS!!!

Everybody: There will be no slackassness on Blogger!!!

Rashan: Say it again...

Everybody: There will be no slackassness on Blogger!!!

Rashan: Chuuuch!!!

Jizzy stomps his feet and then breaks out into the wop, followed by the prep, and the running man.

Rashan: Whooo!!!! That’s what I like to hear….Jameil take over, cuz I need to sit down somewhere.

Jameil: Did everyone finish their assignment? I’ll ask that you post them and then give us some time to read it.

Diva: Oh, and surprise for you. No one's going home. We just wanted to see what we were working with. I hope you all work well under pressure, b/c that’s what this blog is all about.

Jameil: Do you think I want to post everyday? Sometimes its like I’m just doing it to prove that I'm better than R. Jizzy and not cuz I want to. But I still do it . That’s a lot of pressure.

Diva: So, before we read your posts, let's show you where you will be living through out this process. Jizzy, you got your wind back yet?

Rashan (wiping sweat with a towel and drinking a Powerade): Yeah, I’m good. Thanks ladies for holding me down.

(turns to bloggers)

Rashan: Y’all wanna see the crib? Come on and follow me!

Camera pans to Diddy, followed by Jameil and Diva and the 16 bloggers…

They walk out the door of the library and head towards a waiting tour bus adorned with Rashan’s picture and the making the blog logo.

Rashan: Y’all like my buses? That’s the hotness right there. Hop on .

The bloggers get on the bus and the camera shows them talking and shows highway signs. Exit 42 - Memorial Drive , Exit 27 - GA 400, Buckhead….

The buses pull up at a mansion on West Paces Ferry.

Rashan: This y’all crib, yo! Go head and make yourself at home. Welcome to Atlanta!!!

The bloggers run in jumping up and down checking out all the sights.

WRITERS NOTE: I meant to describe the crib, but I forgot. I'll add descriptions to another part of the post. Sorry.

Pocahontas: This ish is bananas, can we pick our own rooms.?

Rashan: I don’t care who you room with as long as you don’t come up on the third floor. That’s Jizzy world. That’s where the magic happens. That’s where all great blogs come from.

Joy: Uhh..okay.

Rashan: Oh yeah, and don’t drink the lactaid milk. Jizzy is lactose intolerant.

Second 68: Cool. Let’s do this.

Camera cuts to an empty darkened room… Jizzy, Jameil and Diva are sitting in the dark conversing. You can’t make out whats being said, but you know it's not good. The screen is green like your looking through night vision… R. Jizzy is wildly gesticulating. Diva and Jameil are nodding their heads in agreement. They walk out together and meet up with the bloggers…

Rashan: We gotta problem here! One of you cats got the game mixed up. One of you are trying my gangsta… One of you is trying to demoisturize my situation. We need to handle this right now…

(everybody looks at each other. Random camera shots of shocked looking bloggers. Camera back on R. Jizzy)

R. Jizzy: Which one of you potential bloggers....

Cut to commercial…

Making The Blog Pt 1

I'm gonna warn you now. This is not finished by any means. I don't have a clear idea where I'm gonna go with it, but here's the start. It's just an intro. All the exciting stuff hasn't happened yet. If you would rather read it all at one time, I'll let you know when its finished. Now that we got that warning out of the way, we don't have to make those comments about how I need to hurry up and finish it, right? LOL

EDIT: YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANY OF THE TASKS I ASSIGN. ITS JUST ME BEING SILLY. THE RESULTS WILL COME FROM MY IMAGINATION!!!


Rashan: It's that time again...Everybody's talking about blog this, blog that. But you know it ain't a blog unless I'm involved. They call me R. Jizzy and this is Making The Blog!


Opening Credits:
(explosions in the background)
Montage of featured bloggers on the monitor ending with a big picture of Rashan sitting in a throne with a laptop fading out to the Making The Blog logo.



Rashan: What's up America, the UK, Morocco, Lebanon, Nepal.... Welcome to the new season of Making The Blog. You may remember we tried to do this before, but the bloggers were wack. They posted 4 times a day about nothing, they posted their wack little poetry, they let their little notoriety go to their heads. I had to send them cats on a blog hiatus and start over! THIS TIME...IT AINT A GAME!!!



Rashan (continuing): I decided to do this thing right this time. R. Jizzy is gonna personally pick the winners of this competition, along with help from my right hand woman, Jameil! She's gonna be my eyes and ears on this show. I can't forget my left hand woman...Opinionated Diva, cuz you know your boy is ambidexterous. I need people I can trust on both sides. We gonna make the best blog possible. You know how we do on Blogger! They have no idea what we have in store for them.

(Scene)



Camera pans to a library. The ceilings are vaulted and the atmosphere looks hazy, like a fog machine went off. The potential bloggers are standing around looking anxious.A few bloggers talk to each other, while others stand around nervously. Enter Rashan walking in slow motion with doves flying behind him like a John Woo movie. The bloggers look in awe at the spectacle.

Rashan: Welcome everybody to the latest season of Making The Blog. Are...you...ready?

(cheers and applause)

Rashan: Don't give me that weak stuff.. ARE...YOU...READY???

(louder cheers and applause)

Rashan: WHOOOO!!! (twirls around like Michael Jackson) Let's get this thing started. I'm gonna split you up into two teams. You will be in direct competition with each other. The object of the game is to make the best blog possible. And you have pass my standards. I don't wanna hear nothing about how you used to do things. We gonna do this the R. Jizzy way! Let me introduce you to your team captains... On my right, that blogger who posted for 130 days straight, also known as the blog bully, from Pittsburgh, by way of Charlotte... Jameil!

(Crowd Cheers)

Rashan: And on my left, hailing from Jersey, by way of Brooklyn...The only blogger to actually comment on every body's page, everyday, regardless of whether its a weak post, Ms. 30 comments a day herself, Opinionated Diva.

(Crowd Cheers)

Rashan: Aiight, ladies. We are here to show these cats how to blog correctly. I picked you two to lead the way, because of your consistency and the fact that you aren't afraid to speak your mind. Can I count on you to help me make the best blog possible?

Diva: I got this. My team is gonna wipe the floor with Jameil's.
Jameil: Whoa... Not so fast. We are gonna be fabulous. I don't lose.

Rashan: Aiight, that's what I'm talking about. Before we pick teams, I just want to let everybody know what's at stake. This blog thing don't stop. I'm looking for bloggers that will be prolific, original, and entertaining. I need bloggers that aren't afraid to express their opinions, whether they are popular or not. I need your personality to shine through. If you have what it takes, then maybe you can make the blog!

Cut to Confessional Cam:
Minerva: When I heard Jizzy talking about being prolific, I got a little worried. I'm real busy and I don't have time to post all the time. I hope that he will take that into account.

Caesar: I'm Mr. Personality. I got this jawn on lock. The Star...Cannon...Adonis ain't about no f*ckin games.

Resume Scene:

Rashan: Ladies, lets pick teams... Jameil you got first pick.

Jameil: I pick Stace.

Rashan: How did I know you were gonna pick Stace? You guys have your own secret language going on. Diva, your pick.

Diva: I pick Tom_Gurl.

Rashan: Are you guys just gonna pick the people you know? That's not the point of this. We supposed to be Making A Blog, not hanging out with your friends. Nah, f*ck that. It ain't going down like that. ehh ehh... I'll pick your squads for you...

(graphics appear on screen listing the respective teams)

Team Jameil:
Caesar Canon
The Goddess
Minerva
Magnolia Peach
Tom Gurl
Dejanae
DJ Diva
Desy

Team Diva:
Joy
La
Monie
Epsilonicus
Second 68
Stace
So Pocahontaz
X Factor

(Cut back to Rashan)

Rashan: Aiight, everybody knows what team you are on. Take some time to get to know each other. These are the people you will be spending all your time with. These are the bloggers that you have to count on to make the best possible blog.

Cut to Confessional Cam:
Diva: I'm a little concerned about my team. We got a lot of strong personalities. A lot of people that know each other. I'm worried that they might form a clique. I'm gonna keep my eye on things to make sure they realize that I'm in control of this.

Jameil: Great! How exactly am I supposed to pull this group of bloggers into a cohesive group? Jizzy has lost his mind. And can I just talk about how wack that name is.. Jizzy? Really? You gonna call yourself Jizzy?

Rashan: I did what I did to make it a challenge. This blog thing don't come easy. If my captains have to work hard to put together a team, then the bloggers are gonna work hard too. Jizzy is all about the mind games.

Cut back to scene:

Rashan: If you gonna make my blog, I need you all to be in shape. Nah, I'm not talking about physical, I'm talking about mental. You gotta train yourself if you are gonna be able to post regularly. Blogging is about reading as much as it is writing. So here's your first assignment.

Confessional Cam:
The Goddess: We just got here and already Jizzy has us doing homework. I couldn't wait to see what the first task would be.

Cut back to scene:
Rashan: Your first assignment is to read one of my 3 part posts and come up with a 3 part post of your own. Make sure you use all the elements of a cliffhanger. Start with the introduction, follow with the drama, and then wrap it up in the conclusion. Make sure you pick the right place to stop and frustrate your readers. You have 2 hours to complete this.

(everybody stands around)

Rashan: What are you waiting on, son? Get moving. Grab your laptop and get to writing. Wackest story goes home.

Confessional Cam:

Dejanae: Way to put the pressure on. I was not prepared for this.

Monie: Those cliffhangers piss me off, but I guess I can write one if that's what it takes.

Rashan: That's what I'm talking about. I'm gonna shape and mold these bloggers into my image. That's the only way this blog is gonna be made right. This is Jizzy's blog and whether they like it or not, they are gonna do things my way.

Camera pans to the bloggers typing away on laptops. Some have a quizzical look on their faces, others look confident...

Cut to commercial...

My Crazy Idea - Teaser Post

Now that I got lots of reader participation, I guess I can give you a teaser of what my secret crazy idea is. This will start on Sunday or Monday. I need a few days to study you and learn how to mimic your styles. Anybody who wants to be down still can. Just hit me up in the comments. You ready for it??? Don't skip ahead or you'll ruin the suspense thing I got going on.

INTRO:

(Dramatic Music Plays)

Deep Voice Over: They came from all over... Brooklyn, Philly, London, Houston, Denver... Worldwide...

Unidentified Voice: I was made for this.

Unidentified Voice #2: I'm not being cocky, but can't nobody f*ck with me in this game.

Deep Voice Over: They came for a shot at a dream.

Unidentified Voice # 3: If I could just win this competition, my life would change.

Deep Voice Over: They came for the fame.

Unidentified Voice #4: I should really be more well known. My style is unf*ckwittable.

Deep Voice Over: They came as strangers, but will they leave as friends? Lovers? Enemies?

*sounds of cacophonous arguing*

Deep Voice Over: One man given the task of taking a myriad of voices and creating harmony. That man is...

*Hate Me Now Intro plays in the background*

Rashan: (walking in slow motion, dressed in all white) ME! That's Who!

Deep Voice Over: From Executive Producer, Rashan Jamal comes the highly anticipated follow up to the Blog Real World series.

Rashan: (screaming) You remember how we did back then! We gonna take it to a whole nother level this time! We got no time for fake ones!

Deep Voice Over: Coming Sunday, March 2nd...

Rashan: Ay, yo! They call me R. Jizzy! Let's make a f*ckin' blog!!!

Deep Voice Over: Making The Blog!!!

Making the Blog... presented with limited commercial interruptions by Blogger.

MAKING THE BLOG!
Executive Producer: Rashan Jamal