Monday, December 31, 2007

New Year's Resolutions - Revisited

Last year, I made some New Years Resolutions. Since 2008 is upon us, I thought I would revisit these and see how I did. The first 10 were not serious resolutions, but let's check them out anyway. New comments are in BOLD RED

1. I resolve to make at least one comment per day that makes someone call me a jerk, an asshole or if I'm feeling especially sarcastic, a douchebag (like the girl at work called me when I made fun of her furry shoes.) Mission Accomplished!!! While it wasn't everyday, I pretty much held fast and true to this one. My funny-only-to-me jokes had people exasperated all year.

2. I resolve to shock the hell out of people by actually showing up to their function and not being anti social every weekend. I had a nice little run of going out for most of the year. True, I still had my sit around and do nothing moments, but not as many as in the past.

3. I resolve to become addicted to some activity, be it blogging, Playstation, internet porn, or Comcast On Demand. No real new addictions to speak of. I guess you can say I was re-addicted to blogging in November and December, but I think its still within healthy levels.

4. I resolve to look longingly at women and then not talk to them because of my self diagnosed Social Anxiety Disorder. *sigh* I guess I have to admit that I still do this.

5. I resolve to make excuses for my behavior, rather than changing it (see # 4) Not really, In 2007 I became more about accountability. Even if I didn't change any behaviors, I accepted responsibility for it.

6. I resolve to mock whatever form of music is popular in '07, and secretly like some of it. Yep, for as much smack as I talked about the radio this year, you could catch me rapping or singing along with it from time to time. Even that ridiculously bad T. Pain... I wouldn't necessarily turn off "Buy You A Drank"

7. I resolve not to buy a CD again before I hear it. Thanks Nas for helping me out with this one. I really want to like Hip Hop is Dead, but it ain't working out for me. I eventually did like Nas' album, and I bought 3 CD's just off the strength of liking the artists and it worked out for me. Other than that, Limewire is my best friend.

8. I resolve to avoid phone calls from people that I used to be cool with and then call them a month or two later and act like nothing happened. Did that. Also, just never called some people back at all.

9. I resolve to drive around aimlessly while trying to decide what to get to eat, then get fed up and come home starving and eat oatmeal. Let me count the days I did this one, except instead of oatmeal, it was usually a peanut butter and jelly sandwich until I inexplicably became allergic to peanuts about halfway through the year. Then I switched it up to hot pockets or cereal.

10. I resolve to start an ambitious project and then get bored or writer's block and just stop, while leaving people hanging. Yeah, I'm still not finished with my novels, but at least I didn't keep the blog hanging. When I started a story, I finished it.

Then I got serious and came up with some real resolutions. Let's check my progress...

1. I resolve to have, in the words of everyone's favorite oversinging R&B diva, "No More Drama." I'll say about 80% of the year, I was drama free. That's a whole lot better than last year. I did have some war of the exes stuff going on in the beginning, but I think that's all over.

2. I resolve to make myself a priority and make sure the people around me treat me as such. Wow, I took this one to heart. I actually think I took this one too far. I became inflexible in 07. It was all about me, and if you couldn't get with it, then too bad for you. I may need to pull this one in a little in 08. With the exception of my family, I didn't do anything I didn't want to do, no compromise in me at all. That's not good. LOL

3. I resolve to start going out more or at the very least get a life outside the internet. I went out some. Lots of going to the bar, some dates, a concert or two, couple of football games, clubbing, general hanging out. Nothing excessive, but good enough for me.

4. I resolve to get promoted within 6 months. If you can call it a promotion, it took 8 months. I actually don't want anymore promotions until I can figure out my next move. I guess I shouldn't have put that application in at work today.

5. I resolve to take care of my health better this year. And yes that includes finally getting some new contact lenses. Mixed bag here. I got new contacts and glasses. I had only needed them for like 3 years. I actually went to the doctor when I was sick instead of letting it go away on its own, so that's progress. On the flip side, I gained back 10 of the 40 pounds I had lost in 06. I guess losing weight by doing nothing doesn't last forever.

6. I resolve not to become involved in other people's mess. See # 1. Absolutely, I killed this one. For once, nobody could say, Rashan said this or Rashan said that. Hell, they couldn't even find Rashan. I was so self absorbed this year that anybody else's mess had no chance of getting on my radar. Its also hard to get caught up when you don't answer the phone. LOL

7. I resolve to stop being late. I'm actually doing a lot better at this one. I get to work like 45 minutes early b/c I'm trying to avoid traffic. I still get to work on time, but I have been known to show up at functions 2-3 hours late. Mostly, its because everything goes down either too early or on the other side of town. Why can't my friends get together at night like normal people? They act like they got a curfew or something. LOL

8. This is a repeat from last year, but I resolve to spend more time with my family. I'm doing pretty good at this one too so far. Another winner! You can see from all the pictures I put up, that my family is a very big part of my life. And you know what I love about this? We can just BE, it doesn't have to be a big emotional deal when I take the kids out to the mall or to dinner. It's just a cool Uncle hanging with his cool nephews and niece.

9. I resolve to force myself to eat, even when I am not hungry. No more going two days without eating. Big fat stinkin' failure. Although I haven't gone 2 days without eating, I have skipped a day here or there. And I still only eat one big meal a day, messing up my metabolism. I can't seem to manage to eat more often.

10. Finally, I resolve to continue my journey of personal growth, understanding that I don't know all the answers and I'm not always right. (It killed me to type that last sentence.) Here's the deal. The more I try to humble myself, the more I realize that I am always right. Okay, realistically I know that I'm not always right, per se, but lets just say, my first impressions are usually correct. I don't know why or how, but in 07, I've been right way more than I've been wrong about people. That being said, I know I don't have all the answers. But I think I have grown to the point where I am accepting of people's differences, and don't particularly judge them for disagreeing with me. I know I just typed a whole lot to say a whole little, but dig this. I know my journey of personal growth will never be over, but I like where I am at this point.

No resolutions this year. At least none that I care to share with anyone else. I have a few in mind, but they are gonna have to take place later in the year. January 1st is too close to accomplish these. But you know me, it wont be long before I spill the beans, especially on one of those nights when I have nothing left to blog about. Everybody have a Happy and safe New Years Eve and I'll see you in 08. *insert corny rhyming 2008 saying here*

Sunday, December 30, 2007

I'm Not A Player, I Just Crush A Lot

In response to Fridays post: Everybody wants me to man up and tell my crushes what I'm feeling. See, I had a good reason not to in each case.

1. This chick - First of all, I put the wrong link in there. It was supposed to open up to a picture of her, but I got tired and never changed the link. Here's why I never told her I was crushing.
I met her the end of last year, and we became friendly. If you weren't reading at the time, let me give you a little recap of what the end of 06 and the beginning of 07 were like. Car breaks down, pay $1800 to fix the transmission. Lost my job, (totally my fault, but still traumatizing.) Car breaks down again.. this time its the engine. Run through 2 more cars before finally getting one that has lasted for the last 9 months. Don't trust women... Been through too many adulterous and infidelitious (I made that word up) situations with women. Struggling to pay for everything. Don't wanna be bothered with people. Holed up in the crib not seeing people...

Even though I did feel this chick, I wasn't in a position to be trying to date anyone at the time. I really felt like I had a black cloud following me, cuz nothing was going right and I didn't want to subject anyone else to drama. By the time I emerged from my funk, I was squarely in the friendship zone with her. It was too late to try to get at her. She even tried to hook me up with her friend, but I had to decline, because her friend seemed a little nutty. Good reason or excuse?

2. Anonymous Blogger: As I told Opinionated Diva on one of her posts, (and she through back at me later), blog crushes are cool, but they are better left on the internet. My reasoning: Everybody on the internet is crazy! Now, I know you are gonna read this and say, "wait, I'm not crazy" but yes you are. It's not normal to share intimate details of your life with strangers. That's a little crazy. I'm half kidding. But more than that, I just had to deal with some crazies in my short time blogging. I've had people declare their love for me, people send me unsolicited sexy pictures, people pretend to be someone who they are not, etc.. Can you blame me for being a little cautious on the whole internet thing? Besides, if I told this blogger that I was crushing, and she wasn't crushing back, then it would get all awkward. I don't want to have to avoid certain peoples blogs, just because that person might visit. I've actually had that happen to me in the past too...

3. Co Worker chick - This one is mad easy to explain. She gotta man. One of my unwritten New Years Resolutions was to never interfere in anybody's relationship again. No more unfulfilled married chicks looking for a rebound. No more women looking to get rid of their ball and chain. No more women using me to feel the desire they lack in their relationship. I deserve someone that is all the way single, and if I don't find her right away, then so be it. I can be patient. Meanwhile, I just have to supplicate any inappropriate feelings I may have towards co worker. It wasn't that hard. I've been told I can turn it on and off in a heartbeat and that's what I did. No need stressing about something that isn't meant to be.

I suppose that I could have manned up and told my crushes what the deal was, but that's really all it was: a crush. It's not like I had deep stalkery feelings about them. Over the course of a year, I can go through a number of crushes, but its not that serious. I promise you that when the time comes, I will fight through my self diagnosed social anxiety disorder and tell my crushee. I hope that explains it, but if not, it is what it is. I may just be a lame. LOL

Friday, December 28, 2007

The Best (And Worst) Of 2007

Here is the Best of 2007, one man's opinion. Feel free to share your "Best Of" in the comments or better yet, make it a blog post. Just let me know so I can check it out.

Best TV shows
1. L.ost
2. Pus.hing Da.isies
3. The So.p.ranos

It kills me to not put 24 on this list, but last year the show was predictible and pretty much a repeat of what happened before. Hopefully, the writers strike will end soon and I can get into it again.

Dance crazes that I just don't get
1. Sou..lja Boy ""
2. "Cupi.d Sh.uffle"
3. Dj U.nk - " i.t Ou.t"

It seemed like everybody had a dance this year. It's like cats you ain't never heard of coming on the radio telling how to dance.

Best Dates
1. The Ste.vie Won.der Concert.
2. "The Pu.rsuit of Hap.pyn.ess" (not for the movie, but for the extracurriculars.)
3. Taking my niece to dinner

I didn't have too many to choose from. I had a nice little run with Ph.D for about a month or two before that dried up. 2008, it's on though. I'm gonna put myself out there more. (yeah, right!)

Worst Sports Experiences
1. Mic.hael Fu.cking!! Don't need to say anything else about that.
2. Isi.ah Fuc.king Tho.mas!! I don't know how I remain a Kn.icks fan.
3. Univ.ersity of Ge.orgia getting cheated out of playing for the NCAA championship. If you are ranked 4th and 1 and 2 lose, then you move up to 2nd. That's just logic. How in the hell did they drop to 5th?

It's been a bad year for my sports teams. I did however enjoy the Co.lts winning the Su.per Bow.l in February.

Best Hip Hop Albums of the Year.
1. - Gradua.tion
2. Lit.tle Bro.ther - G.etback
3. Tal.ib. -

Honorable Mention to Co.mmon, Ghostf.ace Killa.h, and Me.dian. I tried to like J.ay-Z's album, but it's not working for me. was pretty good too, after it grew on me, but I think it was released late 2006. I'll admit there are probably some other good ones out there, but I didn't really buy many CDs this year.

Worst So-Called Entertainment Stories of the Year (AKA the stuff that I don't care about, but is always on TV)
1 Pari.s Hi.lton going to jail.
2. Anything Brit.ney .Spears related.
3 Lind.say's drunk and high ass.

I'm saying, this stuff gets reported like its real news. It is annoying beyond beleif. I'm sure there are plenty of people that like hearing about them, but everything has its time and place. A gossip blog, yes. News programs, not so much.

Secret crushes of the year.
1. This chick
2. Anonymous blogger (you may think you know, but you are probably wrong. I'll neither confirm or deny. LOL)
3. Co-worker girl that quit back in April.

I never told any of them. How lame am I?

Celebrity Crushes of the year.
1. Gabr.ielle Un.ion - Until I meet her, she will always be my celebrity crush.
2. Jean Grae - I know, nobody knows who that is but me, but I gotta thing for women who can rap.
3. Sop.hie Okon.edo - Its that British accent..

I don't really dig celebrities, or maybe its just that there aren't that many Black celebrities out there. Not sure...

Top 3 WTF Moments...
1. Getting Arrested
2. Walking down the side of the highway after 2 tires blew out
3. Dude getting killed in my apt complex/the fire at the neighboring complex

I've had my share of strange shit happen to me this year.

Rashan Sayings of the Year
1. I'm good, yo!
2. fuckouttahere!
3. not-so-much

1 and 2 are really different than 3, but that's real life, right?

Favorite Drinks of 07
1. Grand Marnier
2. Patron (Silver)
3. Hennessy/Jack and coke

I still need to find my own signature drank. Like I could be known as the guy that always is sipping _____. I guess I'll just have to keep experimenting until I find it.

Goofiest R&B Singles
1. Ic.eb.ox
2. Girl (Remix)
3. (ella -ella hey hey)

These are the songs that I will laugh at, but can't get out of my head. So bad, they are good.

I'm getting sleepy now, so I should probably stop. Maybe I'll edit this and add some more categories. I'll take any suggestions you have. Like I said, feel free to add your Best and Worst Of in the comments or on your blog.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

The Post Game Show

I know, I know. I either have way too much time on my hands or I'm completely out of my mind. I'm starting to think, that maybe it's both. You'll see what I mean as you read on.

Announcer #1: Hi, blog fans. I'm Bob Richardson. We are live here in Atlanta, Georgia to present you with the Post Game Show, presented by Blogger. Lots of action to get to, so without further adieu, I'd like to to introduce my co hosts: To my right, Gary Steele, and on my left Ace McAdoo. Lets start with the first quarter. Tell them about Sunday.

Gary: Although the holiday wasn't until Tuesday, the action started on Sunday. Rashan went to work like any other Sunday, but this day was a little different. For starters, his co workers came through with presents. Rashan was a little caught off guard as he had not gotten anything for them, and was unprepared. You can see him thinking to himself, "Damn, now I gotta get them something." Luckily, all it was a Christmas card and a candy cane, so he didn't feel too bad. It was a slow day at work, nothing too much to do, so Rashan took it easy and read blogs and talked all day.

Ace: Thanks for the recap, although I think you did miss one thing. You forgot about the Sangria.

Gary: Thanks for pointing out my error! (under breath - *asshole*) You are right, one of his co workers brought some sangria to work. It took everything in Rashan not to drink it right then and there, but he did what any responsible employee would do, and brought it home. I think we have some visuals for this.

Bob: Thanks, lets move on to the second quarter.

Ace: I'll take this one. Monday was Christmas Eve, as you all know. Rashan had to work early that day. 1:30 - 10:00. The previous night, knowing that he would have wake up about 3 hours earlier than usual, he opted not to drink the tempting sangria, and instead took a sleeping pill to fall asleep quickly. Well, it didn't work, but that was just a minor setback. See, Rashan is an experienced insomniac, so the lack of sleep didn't bother him. He got up and went to work, dressed in a festive tie and full of good cheer. He knew that the day ahead would be easy, and for the most part, it didn't disappoint. Rashan pretty much did no work on Monday.

Gary: I understand that there were some complications that arose though? Tell us about it.

Ace: I was just about to when you interrupted. (under breath *douchebag*) At Rashan's job it's tradition that on holidays management provides food for the employees. Monday was no exception. The problem was that there was not enough food to go around. As Rashan's manager was out of the office yet again, nobody told his team that it was time to eat. When Rashan finally spoke up, all the food was gone. Rashan, who is notorious for not eating at work, didn't care, but some of his teammates were pretty upset by this percieved slight. What ensued next was a virtual bitch fest, a cavalcade of hurt feelings, and many speeches citing that "it was the principle" of being forgotten. Rashan did his best to keep the peace, before finally realizing he was fighting a losing battle and retreating into instant messages and friendly flirtatious conversation. He was elated when 10 PM rolled by and wasted no time getting the F outta there. I believe we have some footage of Rashan in his snow man tie...

Bob: You can't say that on TV! Let's keep this PG-13. (fake laughter) Let's move on to the third quarter.

Gary: I'll try to keep this clean, unlike my esteemed colleague. Christmas Eve night! Rashan left work and instead of heading immediately home, he went to see some of his friends. They were having a get together for family at their house. One thing that you can count on with Rashan is his never arriving empty handed. He called and asked what they were drinking on, and true to form, took the time to stop off at a local liquor store to pick up another bottle. When he arrived, there were a slew of unfamiliar faces, but he remained undaunted. Rashan did NOT give in to the anti social tendencies that sometimes afflict him. Rashan, ate fish and macaroni and cheese, and sipped on Hennessy as he listened to conversations about people he didn't know and subjects he had no input on. After most of the family left, he played some Madden 08, winning a close game playing with Eagles, and getting blown out playing with the Saints. Although he wanted to have a tiebreaker, he realized it was getting late and he had a long drive ahead of him, so he called it a night. Let's show the footage.

Bob: Sorry, folks. Look like we are having technical difficulties and are unable to bring you visuals of the third quarter. We'll try to get that problem corrected as soon as possible. The fourth quarter is up next. Let's have a recap.

Ace: Folks, before I start, let me just apologize for my earlier language. I promise you that I meant no harm. Tuesday was Christmas. The plan was to hang out with the family, eat dinner out at his brothers house, and basically chill. I have to tell you that Rashan executed this game plan to perfection. Aside from the annoying generic text messages that woke him up too early, and the delayed start time of Christmas dinner, the fourth quarter went off without a hitch. Rashan chilled all day just like he wanted to. He hung out with the family and saw them enjoy their gifts. Although a little late, he also drove out to Newnan to have dinner with his brother and his wife.

Bob: I understand something a little funny happened on Tuesday. Tell us all about it.

Ace: This is a funny story. Do you remember the Chia Shrek that Rashan got in his Secret Santa game last week. Well, he gave it to his niece after discussing his displeasure with the "gift." Well, Rashan's family thought it would be funny if they re wrapped the Chia pet and presented it to him as a new present. The look on Rashan's face was classic as he tore through the wrapping paper, only to discover that his re-gifted gift had been re-gifted once again.

Bob: Wow, it seems like Rashan's whole family are jerks!

Announcer #3 - It certainly seems that way. It is comforting to know that Rashan is not alone in his jerkiness. Let's show a couple of images from the Christmas celebration. As you can see, Rashan was right at home with his new nephew, Justin. I beleive that he fell asleep in his uncle's arms. Everybody say "awwww"

Bob: There you have it. Altogether a successful Christmas holiday for Rashan. I know he was hoping that someone would have gotten him a real present, but nevertheless, his holiday spirit remains intact. Maybe next year, he will stop alienating people and receive that elusive present he's been hoping for over the last few years. Thanks for sticking around for the Post Game Show, presented by Blogger. Stay tuned for your local news, except on the West Coast, where the classic Christmas episode of "Good Times" featuring Penny's adoption airs. See you next time!!!

See, I told you I was nuts. Anyone who can tell me where I got the names Ace and Gary from, will be my friend forever and ever. LOL. Have a great day!!!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everybody! I'm supposed to hang with the family today, so I'll probably have stories and/or pictures tomorrow. I hope everyone has a great holiday.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Rashan's Holiday Drunktacular

Friday I went out. I had like 3 or 4 different posts in mind about it, but since its the holiday and nobody's reading anyway, I'll just condense them into one long rambling post. If you notice the tone is different in different parts of the post, its because I wrote them all separately and don't feel like editing. LOL Okay, enough of an explanation... May I present to you... Rashan's Holiday DrunkTacular.

Original Title: The Break-Up

I'm supposed to meet my homegirl for drinks at our usual spot. But she wants to meet at 4:30 for happy hour. Well, that's all fine and good, but I didn't wake up until 2:30 and I wasn't quite ready to begin drinking that soon. I texted her and told her to push it back an hour, which was still during happy hour, but gave me a little more time to wake up and get ready. The bar is on the other side of town, which without traffic would take me 15 minutes, but during Friday rush hour traffic took me a good hour and 15 minutes. I wasn't ready when I left the house, but after sitting in the traffic I was ready for a drink or 3. By the time I got there, my homegirl was already on her third drink and feeling nice. I had a Crown and coke to start off as we caught up with each other.

Several drinks and a couple of bar appetizers later, we got the bill. I need to digress a minute. The reason we go to this spot was it was close to my old job and the bartender always gives us a hookup. We take care of her and she takes care of us. We have never paid full price for anything we ordered there. So imagine our surprise when the bill comes and it has every damn drink that we ordered on it. It just wasn't right. And to make it worse, our favorite bartender who always takes care of us, didn't even give us a heads up. Anyway, we paid it, but if its gonna be like that, I'm gonna have to find a new spot. I don't feel like driving across town for full price. Besides, the same people are in there all the time anyway. I need to break up with Dave and Busters.

Here is where I wrote a break up letter with the bar. It was silly, so I'll go ahead and move on to the next part.

Original Title: Where The Grown And Sexy Go To Get It On And Popping, Off The Damn Chain And Make It Do What It Do...

Since we had started drinking early, the night was still very young. I reluctantly agreed to go to Taboo 2. I don't do regular clubs for a couple of reasons. #1. I don't dance, so there's really no purpose in my being there. #2. I just don't like the whole atmosphere of the club. It seems like everybody is scheming on each other. #3. My musical tastes are different. I'm pretty sure that with the exception of an old school hip hop set, I'm not gonna hear what I want to hear. Regardless, I decided to stop being a stick in the mud and check it out. It was interesting to say the least.

The Friday night party was called "The Afterwork Attitude Adjustment." That was enough to almost make me abandon the club. It was sponsored by one of Atlanta's "grown folks" radio stations and while I do like the music they play, I find the DJ's to be annoyingly corny. But whatever, I went in and the club was nice, I guess. I don't really have too much to base that on, since its been years since I've been to one that doesn't feature strippers. LOL. It seemed to be like the clubs I remember from the old days. Overpriced drinks ($10 for a shot of Patron???), Men wearing dark sunglasses in the club (I'll never understand this as long as I live. That does NOT make you look cool.) Women of all kinds with fresh hairstyles and new outfits (It was a nice variety of eye candy there.) But one thing was a little different than I remember.

Being that this was a grown and sexy party, the people there were a little older than I would have thought. Don't get me wrong there were some 20's and 30's there, but there also were some 40's and 50's. You should have seen them all, regardless of age, run to the dance floor when "The Cupid Shuffle" came on. I just don't get the appeal of that. There was a 5 song set of songs when the artist tells you what to do. I hadn't heard of some of them. But apparently, negroes like to be told which way to go when they are dancing.

Actual Text Message To My Sister:

HELP!!! I'm caught up in a Cupid Shuffle!

Her Response:

I think the help is to the right, to the right, to the right...

Here I talked more about the club, but its a little redundant so I'll move to the next part...

Original Title: Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me?!?

I learned something tonight. I can dance. I don't mean that I can dance well, but I can move enough to get by. Why didn't anyone tell me that all I had to do was just stand there and move a little? How come nobody told me that the woman does all the work? How did I not know that dancing is nothing but a girl rubbing her booty on me? I can learn to like this.

Yeah, I got roped into dancing. I took a few overpriced drinks, but I was finally feeling free enough to give it a try. It started with "light pink lipstick girl" (I have no idea what her name was.) But we were talking at the bar and she wanted to dance, so I did. Later during a slow jam set, I got on the floor again. This time with "Smells like cinnamon" girl. I figured that even I couldn't look silly dancing to a slow song. Later, during a Michael Jackson set, I got asked to dance by "middle aged, dresses too young for her age" woman. I couldn't say no, could I?

Don't get it confused. I won't be going out to just for the sole purposes of dancing, but get enough drinks in me, and I might be able to get out on the floor.

Cutting it short again, since I combined 3 posts in one

Okay that's enough... As you can see my thoughts were all over the place. Bottom line is this, I went out and had some fun, even if most of my fun consists of laughing and talking about people. And as much as I was drinking, I really didn't get drunk at all. Anyway, have a good one, and I'll get at you later.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Christmas Hoopla!!

Unlike some people, I'll list the rules first, so you know what to expect. I'm just saying, tricking people into reading a tag is so not right. LOL

The rules:

1. List 12 random things about yourself that have to do with Christmas!
2. Please refer to it as a ‘hoopla’ and not the dreaded ‘m’-word
3. You have to specifically tag people when you’re done. None of this “if you’re reading this, consider yourself tagged” stuff because then nobody ends up actually doing it.
4. Get to work! The Christmas season will be over before we know it.

1. In high school chorus, we sang the same Christmas songs every year. And then the following years when my brother was in Chorus, they sang the same songs too. I love Mrs. Reagan, my chorus teacher, but she really could have skipped "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" once in a while. And while we are on the subject of Christmas songs, you know that song "We Wish You A Merry Christmas?" In the second verse, when they start singing about "Bring us some figgy pudding and bring us some now?" We, as young adolescent boys, made a very lewd and profane version of that. I know, so not Christmasy, but it was funny at the time.

2. One year in Savannah, it actually got cold for Christmas and ice covered all the roads. I had rented a Nintendo game from Blockbuster and it was due on Christmas Eve. (The game was extremely wack...I think it was called Black Bass and was all about fishing. The only thing more boring than fishing, is playing a Nintendo game about fishing.) Anyway, my mom had to bring back to the video store before they closed, and as we were driving, the car spun around on the ice and we went around in circles. Luckily, nobody else was on the roads. It was actually pretty fun to me. It felt like a mini roller coaster.

3. When I was 19, I was working at a hospital in the kitchen. All of the older ladies loved me, because of my natural charm (LOL). Actually this was before my whole anti social, don't talk to me, sarcastic side was fully developed. Well, that year one of the cafeteria ladies bought me a bottle of Hennessy. I didn't really drink then, but we tried to make some spiked eggnog out using the Hennessy. It was the nastiest drink I have ever had in my life.

4. One Christmas (1997), me and my homeys, Kareem and Tori went to the movies to see Jackie Brown. That was a fateful day. We ran into this girl named Charis, and her girlfriend Navika, and Navika's best friend Terri. This was the first time I had met them. In the upcoming year, I would become roommates with Charis, and Terri would become my bestest female (mostly) platonic friend. I lost touch with Charis after she had moved her new girlfriend (and her son) into our apartment and I dipped. And Terri and I lost contact when I moved from Savannah, and her phone kept getting disconnected. I wonder how they are doing now.

5. When I lived in New York, nothing was better to me than snow on Christmas. Granted I was a kid and didn't have to drive in it, but riding a sled down a hill on Christmas was my favorite thing. One year, I don't know if it was Christmas or not, I rode my sled down a hill and lost control and went under a steel fence. I scratched my face all up, but still didn't want to go inside.

6. For some reason, we used to always watch Ben-Hur around Christmas. I don't know if that is really a Christmas movie or not, but that was one of our traditions when I was like 12.

7. When I have kids, I want them to believe in Santa Claus for a while. So many Black people I meet don't do the Santa thing. They don't want an old White man to get credit for what they do for their kids. I say who cares. Its all a part of the magic of Christmas. There are so many other issues that are far more important than that. Let your kids just be kids and worry about racism and economics later.

8. My siblings and I don't exchange gifts on Christmas. Well, for the most part we don't. A while ago, we decided that instead of buying a gift for each other, we would just keep the money that we would spend and use it for whatever we needed or desired. That way, there's no pressure to figure out what they would like or anything like that. I know its strange but our agreement works out for us. This year although I didn't get my sister a gift, I did pay for most of the gift from her kids. And my brother, well he just had a baby, so he gets no gifts anymore. It's all about Lil Justin.

9. I found about Santa Claus when I was 7. I saw my father putting together my Christmas gifts. I think it was a hot wheel track. I didn't say anything because I still wanted to get gifts from both Santa and from my parents. LOL, I used to be all about the presents.

10. One Christmas, when I living with my ex, we got mad early and went to some friends house to open presents and have breakfast. The catch was... I really could not stand them. They were more her friends than my friends, but I played along anyway. Anyway, Christmas morning conversation consisted of why Tupac was the best rapper, how many guns they have in the house and getting blunted at 7 AM. I was appalled, so I spend the whole time playing with their daughter who was like 3. I don't think they ever knew that I didn't like them. I think they just thought that I was being friendly to their kid.

11. I have horrible luck when it comes to Secret Santa and stuff like that. This one year at my old job, I got nothing from my Secret Santa. Another year, I got a bag of chocolate candies. I don't eat chocolate. This year, I got a Chia Shrek. I vented about that the other day.

12. In Savannah, the neighbors across the street used to put up a gaudy, excessive, Christmas pageant on their house. They had lights for days, an inflatable Santa on the roof, a nativity scene. One year they had a giant inflatable snow globe on the front yard. I alternated between being impressed and being annoyed by them. The year when they added sound (Santa's Ho Ho Ho) I was annoyed.

Bonus # 1. I'm not good at picking out Christmas gifts. To me the gift card is the best thing ever invented because it takes all the decision making off of me.

Bonus # 2. (Cuz Jameil only had one bonus!) I gotta watch "A Charlie Brown Christmas" and "The Grinch That Stole Christmas" at least once during the Christmas season.

Okay, so I don't do the tag thing. If Jameil will forgive me for breaking the rules, I'm gonna leave that part out. What can I say, I'm a rebel. I don't know if anyone will read this or not, but if you do, have a Merry Christmas. I'll still be here posting away, so if you get bored, stop by and check me out.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Seriously? Part Deux

More random thoughts and crazy occurrences... Seriously??? I did it before, and I'll probably do it again...

Seriously??? A Chia pet??? I buy a DVD, someone else buys a CD, another one buys a rice cooker and you come through with a Chia pet. Come on, dawg!!! Who the hell wants a Chia pet? I don't care if it's Shrek, it's still a fuckin' Chia pet. Matter of fact, where does one get a Chia pet from anyway?

Seriously??? You just gonna cock block me for real? Are you doing this intentionally or are you just that dense? I don't need your participation in this conversation.

Seriously??? You don't think you are crazy? I'm gonna need you to examine your need for attention and instant acknowledgement. That impatience ain't exactly normal.

Seriously??? How many times are you gonna say sorry in this conversation? You just said sorry 6 times in the last 30 seconds. Seriously??? Who messed you up like that? Why are you scared to speak your mind?

Seriously??? You are gonna grunt "Merry Christmas" after every grocery bag you fill? That is beyond creepy. Matter of fact, just move over. I'll bag my own groceries. I'm a little scared of you. You are like the Sling Blade of Christmas cheer.

Seriously??? You wanna have a crazy mate contest with me? Awww, youngster! You don't know who you dealing with. I got 13 years on you. I have years of experience of crazy and inappropriate females. You will not win this one.

Seriously??? You get mad about that? Cuz I wanted to get off the phone? I could have made up an excuse, but I thought you would appreciate the honesty. After all that we've been through, that's the tipping point? Not all the stuff you did, or all the other smart comments I made, but me saying I want to do something off the phone? I don't understand that, but if that's how you feel, I respect that.

Seriously??? I'm supposed to chase you down? I'm sorry, but I'm the chasee, not the chaser. I know you are prettier than I am, but that's not gonna happen. We mad grown, and the games are for kids. Come at me real or don't come at me at all.

Seriously??? You are giving me a choice between going to Taboo 2 and a strip club? I can't think of one scenario that doesn't end with a table dance. Let's see, I can go hang out with the "grown and sexy, Stacy Adams, old man in the club" crowd or I can see naked women. That's not such a hard choice for me.

Seriously??? You gave speeches to Congress and worked with Jesse Jackson, but you can't talk to us? What are you looking at on the floor? Why are you tripping over your words? That's not exactly awe inspiring leadership there.

Seriously??? You just gonna plan out my whole weekend for me? I have to? The hell you say. I don't have to do shit but be Black and die. That's how you ask me? We've known each other too long for you to think that I would respond the way you want me to.

Seriously??? I'm on vacation and you think I'm gonna show my face in the office to decorate for the holiday? You think that's my idea of fun? Not so much. We can do this when I'm here, but I'll be damned if I drive 35 minutes to put up some Christmas lights. You gonna have to hold that down without me.

Seriously??? You just gonna keep posting everyday? You're just trying to make me look bad, aren't you. I already acknowledged that you won! Take a day off. LOL I'm only kidding, Jameil.

Seriously??? You expect me to believe that bullshit story? You ought to be ashamed of yourself. When so many people are really struggling, you take advantage of peoples kindness. I can only hope that Karma comes to bite you in the ass sooner rather than later. You damn parasite!!!

Seriously??? A hug? Why would I want to hug you? Like Prince said "I can't have a hug unless I have a kiss." And I can't do that. You sit way too close to me, and when it goes bad, which of course it will, I don't wanna have no beef at work. I will admit that I'm intrigued, but that's as far as it will go. So, sorry. I'm gonna have to give you the side hug, and not the full body hug. That's just a little too dangerous right now.

Seriously??? How many seriouslys are you gonna write? You act like people have nothing better to do than to read your random thoughts. This post is getting way too long, so seriously, cut it short, man. People have other blogs to visit, work to do, etc. Just stop already.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

There Was A Woman From Somalia

First of all, my apologies to Opinionated Diva. She told me not to holla at anyone at work and I held out for a long time. But, err, ummm. See, there was a woman from Somalia... and I... well let me start from the beginning.

I got to work mad early the other day. I mean I was 45 minutes early. I don't know what happened, I just left the house way earlier than usual, and found that there was no traffic. I pulled up in the parking lot and couldn't think of anything else to do. I finished Christmas shopping, I didn't feel like going to buy any new music, so I reluctantly went in the building. I sat in the cafeteria, turned on my Tribe Called Quest playlist on my iPod and proceeded to people watch. I work nights so there were a lot of people around that I rarely or never see. It was like a whole new scene. I saw my man D and we caught up with each other. Small talk about sports, and work, and did you know such and such works here now. Stuff like that. One of his co workers came over to say hi and we invited her to sit down and talk with us.

Man, she was fine. No, let me rephrase cuz that's understating it. This woman was beauty personified. I don't really have a type, but if I did, she would be it. She had an elegance about her that had me mesmerized. I played it off, at least I think I did. The last thing I wanted to do was seem like I was sweating her. But, cold as it was, perspiration formed. D had to go back to work, so it was just me and her. I took the fact that she didn't get up and leave when D bounced as a good sign. Maybe she was interested too. A question formed in my mind that I didn't want to ask, but I had to know.

"What is that accent?"

See, I'm sure that anytime she opens her mouth, that's the first question she gets. I didn't want to be like everyone else, but I was. She smiled, revealing a dimple on her left cheek.

"I'm from Somalia, but I grew up in London."

Ahh, that explains it. It's been well established that I have a bit of a thing for women with British accents. I can't explain it, but everyone has their thing, right? The Somalia part explains the beautiful skin tone and wavy hair, which was cut short and adorned with a silver pony tail holder. And that smell, that I don't know how to describe other than to say if it came in an incense I would burn it all day long. I'll find out what it is in our next conversation.

We chatted. Or rather she chatted and I listened intently. Unlike most people, I abhor talking about myself (an oxymoron for some one who blogs, I know.) I would much rather listen to a woman reveal herself with her words. I took it all in and learned about her. Sure, I found out the basics like age, marital status, job title, but I learned even more. I learned about her struggles with religion, her philosophy on happiness and her quest for knowledge. It was certainly a revealing, if one sided conversation. She sensed this as well, and made me promise that next time we talked I wouldn't let her monopolize the conversation.

"Next time we talk, you have to tell me about Rashan. I don't want any boring basic details, I want to know the real you, not your public facade."

Word? So that means that we are gonna talk again? I'm all for that. I guess that we should exchange phone numbers so we can live up to this commitment. We did. Now I'm sitting here wondering, how soon is too soon to call her? How soon is too soon to take her out? How soon is too soon to let her know how NOT normal I am? Should I slowly reveal my craziness or just come out with it all at once? I mean, she's gonna find out eventually, shouldn't I let her get to know the real me?

Oh yeah, one more thing... I made this whole thing up. It never happened. I just had that Sade song "Pearls" playing and decided to write a post about it. And before anyone corrects me, I know the actual lyrics are "there is a woman in Somalia." I just had to switch it up to fit this post. I know, I know. I'm not normal. LOL!

P.S. - Okay, here's the thought process behind this post. Now that I think about it, there was a woman from Somalia that I saw at the grocery store last week. She was on her cell phone and had a British accent. She was talking about religion and school and stuff. I guess that's where I got the characteristics from. And I did get to work early and I did talk to my man D today, so that's where that came from. Still though, not normal, I know.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Eye Contact

I finally figured out why people talk to me. I make eye contact when people talk to me. Instead of looking away, I actually look them in the eye. I came to realize this the other day as I was minding my own business sitting at a bar waiting for my to go order. This older white guy sat down and said something or other to me. I involuntarily made eye contact and answered him. That's where my mistake lies... and I have one man to blame. I blame Paul S.. I guess I shouldn't use his real name. Let's call him Poindexter.

I guess it happened back in '04. I was interviewing for a job within my same company. It wasn't something that I really wanted to do, but it paid more and seemed like a nice career progression. Paul Poindexter was the head of this new department, which was all about scheduling and time management. I interviewed with him and I noticed that he never took his eyes off his notes the whole time he was questioning me. I wasn't really good at eye contact, but to me, Poindexter just appeared uncomfortable interviewing me. Whatever, I breezed through the questions and shook his hand as I left. I would eventually get offered the job, but I turned it down to take another more lucrative position.

One of the things that my old job was good about was providing feedback, both positive and negative about the interview process. Even though I was offered the job, I still was given feedback to help me out in my career progression. As I listened to all my good traits, I wasn't expecting to hear this constructive criticism: Rashan could maintain more eye contact in the interview. Da hell? This dude wouldn't look at me, and I'm the one who didn't maintain eye contact. I don't know why, but that really bothered me...

Eventually, knowing that I did what I was supposed to do, it became a running joke with me and my manager. She would, out of the blue, run up on me and yell "eye contact." Or when she would be talking I would stare a hole in her head. I got over the whole fake feedback thing and had some fun with it. Before I knew it, even when I wasn't trying to look people in their eyes, I was. I noticed that it made some people uncomfortable. The best way to catch someone in a lie is to just look at them and don't say a word. Eventually, they will get nervous and start stammering and that's when you know you got them. On the flip side though, as I just came to realize, eye contact makes other people feel too comfortable. Like I seem like I'm interested in what they say. I'm not. I really don't care.

I have to wonder if this is why some people continue to talk to me. I wonder if this is why certain people think I'm interested when I'm not. I'm gonna make a conscious effort to avoid eye contact at all costs. What's strange is that with people I know, I very rarely look them in the eye. I'm either looking off in to space or playing with my phone or iPod while they are talking. If only I could adopt this same practice when strangers start talking to me, perhaps I could be as truly anti social as I want to be.

Monday, December 17, 2007

The Breaded Chicken Incident

October 2004 - Marietta, Georgia - 7:13 PM

I had the week of Columbus Day off for vacation. The plan was to go spend the week with my girlfriend Tweety. She lived in the middle of nowhere, a place I liked to call Hanganiggaville, TN. Every thing was going according to plan. I had picked up the rental car, packed a week's worth of clothes, and had nothing left to do but procrastinate awhile. See, I like driving at night when nobody else is on the road. I probably could have left then, but I thought it would be better if I waited until around midnight. That would suit my predilection for nighttime maneuvers and give her enough time to get off work and get settled. If I left at midnight, I would get there at 3AM. That would be perfect.

I don't know what came over me, but I decided that instead of stopping off and getting some fast food, I decided I would cook a little something. I had recently been on this kick of making these breaded chicken breasts that tasted kinda like some Chik-Fil-A, only better in my opinion. I can't cook much, but that was one of my specialities. I went to Kroger, which was about 5 minutes from my apartment to get the ingredients: lemon pepper seasoning- check. Flour-check, eggs - check. I already had the breadcrumbs at home. All I needed were some chicken breasts. I walked to the meat section and for some reason, they didn't have any chicken breasts. This is very important, because that was all I really knew how to cook at the time. My culinary skills consisted of about 10 different ways to cook chicken breasts: breaded chicken, the Foreman grill, Chicken and Broccoli Alfredo pasta, Sauteed in olive oil, baked with lemons, marinated etc... All of my meals depended on chicken breasts. Since they didn't have any I had a choice to make. I could either go to another store, or try something new. I decided to get a pack of chicken thighs. I like dark meat on everything else, so why not chicken?

I got home and laid everything out just like my grandma taught me. A plate of flour, a bowl of eggs, and then the breadcrumbs. I had the chicken thighs on a makeshift cutting board and heated up a little vegetable oil in a pan. Oh yeah, I was ready!!! I went to put the breadcrumbs on a plate and discovered that it was damn near empty. Oops! I looked around and saw that I already had a big bowl full of breadcrumbs and flour that I had used the previous week. I opened the container and smelled it. It still smelled good. I might as well use this. No sense in letting it go to waste. I'll pause here for you all to laugh at me. I'm sure you can tell where this story is going.

You finished laughing? If not, go on and hold it in because there is plenty more to come... I cooked up the first batch of chicken thighs. They were golden brown and delicious. I swear they looked like they could come straight from Chik-Fil-A. As I am want to do, I snacked a little as I put the second batch of thighs in the oil. I went into the living room and sat down and watched a little TV as the chicken cooked over medium heat. All of a sudden, I started feeling a little funny. At the time, I NEVER got sick. I had a cast iron stomach, and my immune system was the stuff of legends. I swear I would only get sick once every 4 years... I used to call it the Bush virus. Whenever Bush would run for office, I would get sick. Anyway, mucho digression, I know. So, I'm sitting there like what the hell is wrong with me. I tried to stand up, but I fell down to the floor. My legs literally were not working. Meanwhile, the chicken is cooking in the kitchen and I didn't want it to burn so I did the only thing that my body would allow me to do. I crawled into the kitchen and somehow managed to turn the burners off. The smoke alarm is going off, and I'm *thisclose* to blacking out.

I've fallen and I can't get up... Okay, I'll pause again for laughter... You finished? Okay, lets move on. I can't move anymore, so there I am laying on the kitchen floor. I have no idea what is wrong with me. My mind wanders to what I learned in CPR class. My left arm isn't numb, so it isn't a heart attack. I don't think my speech is slurred, so its not a stroke. I thought of everything that could be wrong with me besides the obvious. That's when the nausea came. I wont go into explicit detail, but lets just say, I remember hearing that Jimi Hendrix died from choking on his own vomit, so that was my biggest fear at the time. If only I could move. I managed to pull myself to the bathroom with my arms in time to avoid that inauspicious fate. But then I started getting another similar urge, only from the other end. Man, what the hell was happening to me? I started praying and bargaining with Jesus at that very moment.

I figured, take a shower. That's always my "go-to" when I feel sick. Plus, you know.. I had all that other stuff going on. I needed to get fresh and clean again. I laid in the shower and let the water beat me in the head until it got cold. I was feeling just a little bit better and I could walk then. I went back to living room and laid down on the couch. Maybe it's over. I called Tweety at work and told her what was going on. Of course she was like "take care of yourself, just come when you feel better." Cool, I'll be fine after I rest for awhile. At least that's what I thought.

I looked up at the clock on the VCR. It said 10:56. What happened to the last 3 hours? I wasn't quite sure, but I did know that I felt like crap. I again tried to stand up, but my knees buckled and I kneeled down in a precarious position, afraid to try to stand, but also afraid that if I laid back down, I would never get up. So, I teetered on one knee, fighting off my urge to expel whatever I had left in my system. The phone rang but it was soooooo far away. Not really, it was on the other end of the couch, but I couldn't get it. The ringtone was Jagged Edge's "Gotta Be." That was Tweety's ring. I figured I'd call her back as soon as I could move again. I finally decided that down was better than up, so I laid on the carpet and tried to think of anything I could to stay conscious.

" Things Done Changed, Gimme the Loot, Machine Gun Funk..." I was trying to remember the order of Biggie's Ready to Die album.

"un, deux, trois, quatre..." I tried to remember the French that I learned in high school

"Mr Silverman, Mrs Polivy, Mrs Beirman..." I tried to remember my elementary school teachers names.

It just was no use. My brain stopped working. I didn't know if it was sleep or unconsciousness, but I was not awake. I came to at 2:00AM to 7 missed calls from Tweety. I finally called her back and told her what was up. I didn't really get the sympathy I needed at the time.

"Duh, dummy. You gave yourself food poisoning."

"Wha- how? I knew I shouldn't have used them chicken thighs. I should have stuck with what I know."

"Uh, you don't think that maybe it's cause you reused those breadcrumbs?"

"nah, I smelled them. They were still good."

"Rashan, you can't smell Salmonella..."

Then she laughed at me. I don't mean a polite chuckle, but a big gut busting, knee slapping laugh. I don't blame her, I would have laughed too if it wouldn't have caused my intestines to curl up in a tight ball. I gave myself Salmonella. The worst part about it is that it took me that long to realize what the hell happened. Pretty stupid of me, I know. I was knocked on my ass for 2 days before I actually felt strong enough to drive to Hanganiggaville. My week trip was reduced to 4 days, but it was still all good. Tweety never did let me live down the Breaded Chicken Incident. To this day, she still gets a good laugh over how I poisoned myself. For the record, since that time, I have not made myself sick again, but then again, I've put the breaded chicken recipe back in the vaults. I'm not taking any chances. LOL

Sunday, December 16, 2007


I love food as much as the next guy. Maybe even more. Hell, yesterday, I sat at the bar and got talked to death just so I could get a big juicy steak. But someone tell me why do these cats at work want to have potlucks all the time. They act like if we don't have a potluck, then they will starve. They are downright fanatical about setting up these potlucks and I'm just not down.

I like to experiment with foods. I'll try anything once. That's how I know whether or not I like it. I like going out to restaurants that I've never been to and ordering something exotic. Well, maybe not exotic, but something out of the ordinary. I however am not trying to experiment at work. The difference is that I know that health department regulates that eclectic restaurant. That co worker? Not so much. I don't want to call you nasty, but there is a great possibility of nastiness going down.

To make things worse, they all like me. So, I have to be creative when avoiding their food. I can't just say I'm not hungry. Tried that one before, didn't work. I got pestered to try such and such's potato salad. It was good and I didn't get sick, but I don't like rolling the dice with my intestines. I've poisoned myself before and that was not a good look (remind me to write about that one day.) If I just say no, then some one's feelings will get hurt. I can't deal with women crying so I think I'll do it like this.

I'm gonna put everything on my plate to make it look like I'm trying everything. Then I'll fake a phone call and take my plate outside with me. Then I can just throw it away. I hope no one follows me as people are apt to do. Or maybe I'll just pretend like I have a stomach ache and can't eat another bite. No, they probably would save it for me. Worse come to worse, I'll just knock all the food and blame it on a "gorilla what escaped from the zoo" (What movie is that from?)

See, its like this. I just don't trust people to maintain the proper sanitary conditions. Whether its the guy that doesn't wash his hands after going to the restroom, or the woman who always plays in her hair, or the one with the recurring hacking cough --- and doesn't smoke, I'm just not interested in eating other peoples potentially germy food. Screw a potluck!!

Friday, December 14, 2007

Crazy Morning

I got my tickets to see Ji.ll and Rahee.m DeVau.ghn at the Fo.x Thea.tre in February. That's the end of the story. Of course since its me, it couldn't be easy. Let me take you back a few hours...

I got the email yesterday telling me that tickets went on sale today at 10AM. Cool, I knew I would be sleep and that I had to wake up before the scalpers bought up all the tickets. So at 5:30 AM when I was preparing to go to sleep, I set my alarm for 9:53 to give me enough time to wake up and then go to the website to get my tix. I also bookmarked the page so I wouldn't have to go through all the searching and stuff. I was ready. I went to sleep and everything was all good.

9:53 AM - My alarm goes off. I walk over to my computer and plop down in the chair. I left it on last night. I pulled the internet and.... "this page cannot be displayed." WTF??? Let me try this again. Still no internet.. It's now 9:57. I have cable internet so I try to tighten all the wires and restart the cable modem, but nothing. Its now 10:01. Shit... I'm not trying to pay scalper prices. It's hopeless, this damn internet never goes out, but today the one time I actually made plans dependent on it, I have no service. Aaargh!!!!

Okay, I'm not in any position to be leaving the house. I have sleep in my eyes, probably dried drool and I'm wearing yesterday's work pants that I fell asleep in and are now extra wrinkled. Sure, I could throw on some jeans and head to Pu.b.lix and buy my tickets there, but I have a phobia about going out in public looking like crap. I just know that would be the day when I meet my potential wife and she won't give me a second glance. Anyway, I called my sister and told her what was up and she offered to stop by P.ub.lix and get me the tickets. Phew!!! I thought, but its now 10:15 and I wonder if there will still be tickets left. I sat nervously at my computer cursing it out, even though I should have been cursing out Com.cast. (I just got the internet back at 3 PM). About 15 minutes later, I got the call. They still have tickets. "Is the Orchestra okay? Hell Yeah! Get those for me, I'll pay you back this afternoon."

So long story short. I got my tickets, my sister rocks, and Com.cast sux!!! Now I have two months to find a date. LOL

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Conversation With The Kids

"Uncle, we need your help"

"Okay, Dominique. What's up?"

"We need you to use your credit card for Mommy's gift."

"What are trying to get her?"

We want to get her a trip to Costa Rica."

"??????" (The actual sound was the Scooby Doo confused sound)

Let me explain. Dominique is 10 and her brother Tarik is 11. My sister sometimes talks about trips she wants to take. Costa Rica is one of them. Somehow, these beautiful and talented and intelligent kids got it into their head that they would provide the means for her to take this vacation. I just couldn't crush their dreams so I had to operate delicately and trick them out of this sweet, yet insane idea.

"Have you researched how much that would cost?"

"We found a ticket for $684 (or something like that)"

"Do you have $684?"


"Then how exactly do you propose to pay for this trip? I'm sure your mommy doesn't want you to spend all your money on her."

"We are gonna email Grandma and Uncle J and you to see if they can help."

Sigh... so industrious. Let me try this from another angle.

"Who is gonna watch you guys while she is gone?"

"You can watch us."

"You know that I would love to do that, but what about school?

"We can take our Spring Break whenever we want, since we are home schooled."

"Yeah, but I have to work, too. I can't have you guys by yourselves all night while I'm at work."

"We can stay with Uncle J or stay with Daddy that week."

"Yeah, maybe."

I see that tactic isn't working either. I'm about out of ideas... Wait here's one.

"You know that if your mom goes out to Costa Rica, she'll have to get a passport. Then it won't be a surprise."

Silence... I think that worked.

Wow, these kids are special... and I mean that in as good a way as possible. I made a suggestion that was more in line with their economic status. They are gonna send my sister to a spa. I told them whatever amount they put in I would match it. I love them doggone kids. Let's just hope they don't have hundreds of dollars in their piggy banks. I told my sister about what they were trying to do, but I didn't tell her what the final gift was. Of course she would rather just have them make her something, but I couldn't convince them to take that route. I'm not sure if she still reads my blog. If so, sorry for ruining your surprise. LOL

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The Black Card

She asked me 'Is that a Black Card?' Why yes!/But I prefer the term African-American Express!

Kanye West "Milkshake Freestyle"

The following consists of jokes. If you are sensitive about race, you may wanna check back tomorrow. Either way, it's entertaining to me, so deal with it. LOL

I'm a real Black man, complete with an Arabic name (which means pillar of strength, BTW) a healthy distrust of mainstream society, and a strong dislike of the police. I like loud music with booming drums. I have big African lips and I beleive that Jesus was Black. Okay, I know none of those things make a person Black per se, but you get my point. No one will look at Rashan Jamal and wonder "is this guy Black?" I said all that to say this. Sometimes I think I'm the Whitest Black guy that I know. And I don't mean White like say... Tiger Woods. But for a guy that used to call himself Rashan X and scare White people with his pro Black stances and mean muggin, I sure like a lot of so called "White" things and dislike a lot of so called "Black" things. You may wanna pull my Black card after reading some of these.

I don't like gospel music. I know every Black person grew up in the church and loves gospel music. Well, not me. I grew up in the church, albeit a mostly White one, but I don't like gospel music. I think there's too much oversinging going on. I get that its the foundation of R&B music, I just don't like it.

I have never seen nor read "The Color Purple.' I know I said on my old blog that I had seen it, but that was a lie. I have never seen the whole thing. I only know the popular parts like "You told Harpo to beat me" Or "fixin' to shave Mister" and "you shole is ugly." I know take away my Black card for that, but I just can't seem to sit down and watch more than 20 minutes without getting annoyed.

I actually like Duke basketball. Even before the whole stripper rape thing, brothers always hated Duke. I always secretly liked there basketball team, even if half of the team is White. I just like their style of play. There I said it. Pull my Black card if you must.

I know all about NASCAR. I mean, I know more than just Dale Earnhardt Jr. I know pit strategy and drafting and all kinds of stuff the casual fan doesn't know about. I'm the only Black person I know that will watch an entire race.

I know I've said this one before, but my favorite TV show of all time is "Buffy The Vampire Slayer." This show didn't have a regular Black character until the 7th and final season (Unless you count the 2 episodes with Kendra the Vampire Slayer. Yeah, my favorite show is about a White teenager and I don't care who knows. It's a wonderful show. I can't ever seem to make any of my girlfriends understand the appeal of the show, try as I might. And yes, I have seen every episode and there is a possibility that I have Season 7 saved on my PC.

I will dumb out if I hear any of the British pop music from the 80's. I'm talking Tears for Fears, Duran Duran, Pet Shop Boys, you know groups like that. I guess because that's what was on MTV when I was a kid. I still love that music to this day.

The other day at work, this White co worker says to me..."I know you probably didn't watch "Friends" but you remind me of Chandler." Yeah, I watched "Friends" too.

I never really got the appeal of the Morning/Afternoon radio show. Tom Joyner, Steve Harvey, Michael Baisden (especially him) aren't entertaining to me. I know a lot of Black people that swear by these shows, but whenever I listen to them, I just don't get it.

My favorite Kool-Aid flavor is not Red... In fact that's my least favorite. My favorite is Blue Ice although I haven't had any in a couple of years.

I just aint sure about Barack Obama. Part of me feels like I should support him because he's Black, but the other part really just doesn't know what he stands for. It's like can he really represent Black people and be in charge of the country or will he have to sacrifice to appeal to a wider audience. I don't know. I guess he's good enough to make Oprah remember she's Black, he's good enough for me.

Okay, I'll stop at 10 things. Whaddya say? Wanna pull my Black card after reading this?

Monday, December 10, 2007

Yeah... Pretty Dumb!!!

I swear these dudes reading my ish. Just when I talked about being under appreciated, I come in to work and have an award waiting for me: The Peer to Peer award. Basically, my team petitioned to have me recognized for all the extra work I do. It was pretty cool, because management and the unit manager had to sign off on it, so I guess I am not under appreciated as I thought. I'm still might be on the way out the door though.

You ever see someone who was so pretty then when you actually speak to them, you realize that there's nobody home upstairs? I keep finding myself disappointed at work. There are three managers in my department that are dead fine, but I swear they are dumb as rocks. It's just not right. And its not that they are sleeping there way to the top, because they have actually paid their dues. They just are ridiculously not at all there. For instance, last week when my manager was out, we'll call her Pretty, Dumb Manager #1 took a call from an employee who called out sick. Why does she come to me to have me talk to the employee. When I said, "umm... I don't think I'm allowed to do attendance," she says "Duuh, oh yeah I be forgetting." Can I tell you that about 90% of her attractiveness waned after that statement?

Pretty, Dumb Manager #2 brought her team into my squad's team meeting. I asked her if she wanted to run the meeting. She said "no, I'll let you handle it." Cool, now someone can see what the fuck I be doing everyday. Sounds good, but every 4 minutes (cuz she couldn't wait 5) she chose to interject and say THE SAME DAMN THING I just said. And then at the end of the meeting, when we didn't finish going over the information, she had the nerve to ask how come I didn't finish. I politely said that it was a lot of information to cover, but the fact is if she would have kept her mildly retarded ass quiet, I could have finished. Oh well, what can you do?

Pretty, Dumb Manager # 3 is the hottest of the hot chicks. Coincidentally, or maybe not, she also was the dumbest of them all. I mean, talking to her was like talking to a hot air balloon. I know sometimes I may mumble, but I know I was talking very clearly. I explained the problem like 3 times, all to her response "huh?" It was damn near impossible not to show on my face that I was blowed with her. I just said, thank you. I'll handle it and went to ask someone else less attractive.

I thought things were changing. I didn't know hot and dumb were synonymous again. Even though I wasn't trying to holla it still was a big ass disappointment.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

I Gotta Get Up Out Of Here!!!

I'm starting to get that feeling. You know that one where you go from happy in your job, to complacent? That's where I am right now. I need to make some moves because this thing is getting ridiculous. I don't understand how some people ask you to take on extra responsibility then get mad when you do it. Feeling underappreciated is not good for me. It always causes me to not give a fuck and do some dumb stuff. The whole purpose of me doing this job was to take a break from being in charge and just collect a paycheck for awhile. Little did I know that regardless of my intentions, I would be right back in the same place, only this time not being compensated for it.

I guess I can tell you now what I alluded to awhile back. I found what I want to do for a career. I deliberately didn't talk about it, because I know how things happen to change plans and I didn't want to have people sending me good luck wishes and then I punk out. I kinda already did, but not altogether. I, Rashan Jamal, would like to change careers and go into the social work field. I did some research on some jobs in that field that I could get with my Bachelors degree but then decided that if I'm gonna do it, I might as well do it right. That's when I decided that I would go back to school and get my Master's degree. That's where the punking out came. I could have started in January but I didn't want to be broke and I refused to put myself back under the thumb of Sallie Mae and them and get more loans. So, I decided to just pay for it straight up and that led me to delay my matriculation til the next semester.

Now, I know. Anything worth doing is worth the sacrifice, but to quote my favorite profane and belligerant rapper, Willie D. from the Geto Boys: "I AINT WIT BEING BROKE!!!" That fear is sometimes a good thing, but other times an excuse. I promise this time it is not an excuse. Events from last year have really made me think about saving money, because you just never know. I never woulda thought I woulda been so broke last year that I would have to... well never mind. It's not important what I had to do, but it is important what I have to do. I gotta get my ish together and try to maintain this or another comparable job for another 6 months at least until I can get into my career of choice.

Some may ask, why I wanna do social work. It's the kids, man. Rashan love the kids. And it seems like every where you look people are mistreating and abusing the kids. I know it will be tough, but I;d like to feel that I could make a difference in the world at least to one person. Don't go wishing me luck, because I didnt really do anything yet. I'll keep you posted over the next 6 months and let you know what's up!

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Christmas MeMe

My competition actually helped me today. I couldn't think of a thing to write about and almost gave up my daily posting, but then I remembered that Jameil did a Christmas Meme the other day. So I promptly stole it and there you have Saturday's post. You know I don't tag anyone, but feel free to take this if you like.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? I usually do gift bags b/c I don't know how to wrap anything and I'm usually trying to rush out of the mall so I don't want to wait for them to wrap them for me.

2. Tree, real or fake? My family all has allergies so we always had the fake ones.

3. When do you put up the tree? 2001. I think that was the last time I put up a tree. If I still put up a tree, the real answer would be a couple of days after Thanksgiving.

4. When do you take the tree down? New Year's Day.

5. Do you like eggnog? Sometimes. About every other year, I change between liking it and not liking it. Also I think I'm lactose intolerant so I try to hold off on it.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? I can't even call it. I think my Tony Dorsett football jersey in 6th grade was my favorite, but now I can't remember if that was for my birthday or Christmas.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Nope, but when I was in high school, we replaced the white baby Jesus with a black baby Jesus in the schools nativity scene. It caused a big, racial divide through out the school. Finally we all came together in the spirit of Christmas and realized it didn't matter what color the baby Jesus was.... Wait, that was a very special episode of some TV show I saw as a kid, not real life. LOL

8. Hardest person to buy for? No one. If I can't figure out what to get you then we have two choices: nothing or gift cards.

9. Favorite Christmas tradition? (I think the real question was easiest person to buy for?) - Watching "The Grinch That Stole Christmas" and "A Charlie Brown Christmas" cartoons

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Some off brand cologne and a scarf from my first stalker. It wasn't that the gifts were bad, they just weren't me. It also was tainted by the fact that she was 46 and I was 19 and she was tryna get with me. Oh yeah, I wrote about that before: LINK

11. Mail or email Christmas cards? I'm not a card person. If I can't deliver it to you in person, you probably won't get one. Matter of fact, even if I can deliver it to you in person, you still probably won't get one.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? I know its cliche but I like "It's A Wonderful Life", mostly because of Jimmy Stewart's performance. On another note, I can't stand "A Christmas Story." it just does nothing for me except annoy me. I don't find it endearing at all.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? This year I had some money, so I didn't have to wait til December 1st payday like I usually do. I actually started on November 15.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? A long time ago when I used to get presents from my relatives, I did. I got this shaving kit from my Aunt and Uncle, but I only use electric clippers. I recycled it into a work gift.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? RED VELVET CAKE!!!!! - I will forgo eating it all year, just so its special at Christmas. I wish I knew where Miss Cynthia was so she could make me one. It was the best I have ever had.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Colored lights make Christmas. Why do people think they are tacky? As long as they aren't the big bulky and gaudy ones, they are perfect. The clear lights lack imagination.

17. Favorite Christmas song? "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire/Jack frost nipping at your nose" - Why can't I remember the actual title of that song?

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? I usually wind up travelling but just to Savannah.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? I can read them from Jameil's answer, but left to my own devices that would be a no.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Angel. I remember that we used to have a star, but one year it was replaced with a black angel and its been like that ever since.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Gotta be in the morning otherwise, it's not a Christmas present; It's a day before Christmas present.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Black Friday... not the concept of Black Friday, but hearing about how all the business sales are up or down as opposed to last year. Having to say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. I don't like when I get P.C.

23. What I love most about Christmas? Being of good cheer and stuff like that. Oh yeah, and Jesus. Shout out to Jesus for being the reason for the season. LOL