Wednesday, August 29, 2007

I've Been Tagged!!!

Does this mean I am now a member of the blog community again? I've been tagged for the first time in ages. I love a good tag so of course I'll do this one.

Accent – New York, with a twinge of Atlanta or Atlanta with a touch of New York. When people hear me talk they always wonder where I'm from. I'm not quite up north and not quite down south. Listen to the link, and you tell me what I sound like...

I Don't Drink – Gin after my 23rd birthday. Drank waaaaaaaaay too much and never touch the stuff anymore

Chore I Hate – I dont like ironing which is weird, because I'm really good at it. I've been ironing since I was 12, but if I can get away with it, I will wear my stuff straight out the dryer.

Pets – I hate animals worse than Mike Vick, but when I was a kid I had a hamster that hung himself in his cage and a dog named Scruffy that lived at my paternal grandparents house.

Essential Electronic – My compruter. If I didnt have it, I would always get lost without MapQuest, I would be even more bored than I am most of the time with out the internet, and I wouldn't have any good hip hop music to listen to because the radio in Atlanta doesn't play it.

Perfume/Cologne – Right now, I got that Issey Miyake oil from the gas station. I just had the Burberry Oil, and can't go wrong with the Polo Double Black.

Gold or silver – I don't wear jewelry, but if I did, it would be silver.

Insomnia – You already know what it is, shawty! I don't ever sleep at night unless I'm drugged up.

Job Title – Corporate Thug/ Priority Account Manager

Most Admired Trait – Physically, it would be my lips. Personality wise, I'm a genuinely nice guy when I'm not being an ass.

Kids – I would like two, but got none. My 90 day rule is in effect. Next woman I can put up with for 90 days is getting knocked up.

Religion – Organized religion bothers me. Not because of the religion itself, but because of man's bastardization of it. The hypocricy really gets to me.

Siblings – Older Sister, Younger Brother. Three step sisters, one brother/nephew (He is actually one of my step sister's grandson, but moms and her husband have adopted him) Here are me and my brother and sister...I know I'm sweating like a sinner in church, but ummm I was a sinner in church.

Time I wake up – First Alarm goes off at 1:50 pm, second at 2:00 pm, third at 2:15 pm. That gets me up in time to get to work at 4:30.

Unusual talent/skill – I am the ghetto jeopardy kaing! I know a little bit about everything, as long as it is useless knowledge. I also can remember the lyrics to obscure rap songs from 20 years ago and recite them until people get annoyed with me and tell me to shut the hell up!

Vegetable I refuse to eat – Lima beans. When I was a kid, my babysitter Miss Liza made us eat lima beans every day. I can't do it now.

Worst habit – Smoking and procrastination, but I'm getting better with both.

X-rays – Umm. I don't remember. I think I broke my finger playing basketball when I was in high school, but come to think about it, I never went to the doctor so now X-ray.

My favorite meal – Pu... I mean give me a nice steak and a baked potato and I'm good. I also like Pasta and earlier this year I ate Subway Tuna subs everyday for 2 weeks. Weird, I know.

...And I'm Swayze... (still bringing the old slang back!)

Monday, August 27, 2007

Somebody Give Me Something To Complain About

Quick, give me something to complain about. I mean, if everything is going well, what will I have to write about? What do I do with all this sarcasm bubbling up inside me? Who am I if I don't have any vitriol to spew? I guess I should be happy being happy. I had another great weekend. I know that sounds funny coming from me. I never talk in superlative terms, but I think that's just the word to describe it. Even minor setbacks didn't get me down, and I'm actually looking on the bright side of things. Who is writing this post? Surely, its not Rashan.

Friday was a good day. Although I didn't do everything in the order I thought I was going to do it, and I didn't go to sleep at all, I managed to run all my errands and still be alert and on time for my date with PHD. It was raining Garfield and Scooby-Doo, and PHD was running late from getting her hair done, but the restaurant held our reservations and we wound up having a good time. We hung out with the maybe-weds who are not, I repeat, not getting married in Vegas like they were supposed to. I am glad that I didn't get my ticket, because they would have either gotten married or gotten murdered if I flew across the country. They couldn't even get mad at my new nickname for them, cuz its true. PHD and I are trying to get them to stop planning a wedding and just take there collective ass to the courthouse and get hitched already. We offered to be witnesses if they would just go ahead and take the plunge. Besides hearing that news, the rest of the night was lovely. PHD had a good time on day one of her three day birthday weekend, so mission accomplished. We already have plans for next week, but I don't know what they are yet. It's her turn to plan, so I guess I'll let you know what's up when I find out. She says its a "girly" date. I don't know what the hell that means, but I am NOT getting my nails did. LOL

Saturday, I went to the baby shower for my brother and sister in law. It was cool. It was almost like old times with me and my brother. I don't think I ever wrote about it, but there had been a little tension between us two over the last year. We just haven't been talking like we used to, but since my family has a "don't ask, don't tell" policy, we never talked about it. Maybe I was imagining it, but it was definitely noticeable to me. We just kicked it, like we did in the old days when he used to sleep on my couch and we would watch bad B movies on Black Starz. (The dude on the Stev.e Harv.ey radio show, T.homas M.iles was in two of our favorite horrible Black movies... Thu.g L.ife and F.ifth Wa.rd. These movies are so bad they are good. What up J, if you reading this.."I got to find Mecca!!!") I watched some baby shower games, (cuz I was not going to participate), saw some funny sights (grown twins who still dressed alike) and heard some conversations that illustrated just how far outside of the church world I am ("Jua.nita's husband had a demon in him. That's why he beat her up." Like he can't just be a effed up man.) Again, normally a comment like that would have made me talk some shit, but I let it go and kept having a good time.

After spending most of the day out there, and not sleeping the previous day, I wasn't really in the mood to check out the African party. I came home and crashed instead of going back out. I'm really glad I didn't go, cuz the girl that invited me told me today in her Kenyan accent "you shoulda come. I wanted to introduce you to my mother." Umm, no thanks. Besides, sleep was probably the best course of action for me. I was sleep by 11, only waking up to occasionally respond to PHD's text messages as she was out with her girls. I woke up refreshed after getting some good, crazy dream sleep. And then it happened.

Sunday around noon, I was on the phone with, well you know who I was on the phone with, when the call waiting came through. It was a Savannah number. Now, I don't really know anyone in Savannah anymore besides my family, and this number was unfamiliar. I decided to answer it. To my utter shock, it was my friend Kareem. If you read this blog at all, you are probably instantly familiar with Kareem. In all my stories about my past hi jinx and close calls with death, Kareem was there. It must have been at least 5 years since I talked to him. I had decided to estrange myself from him as he got deeper in the drug scene, and I, well, I just wasn't. I don't feel like typing all the whole story out now, so read this if you need further background information. It's ill, because about a year ago, I had decided that I needed to find him, but once I found out where was I never pulled the trigger. His mom and my mom talked, and I finally gave her the go ahead to give Kareem my number. Call it self preservation, I just needed to make sure he wasn't gonna relapse again, before I resumed out friendship.

Well, I talked to him and he sounded like he really had his life on the right track. He started by apologizing and making amends like they do in AA on television. He's engaged, taking care of his daughter, got a job, and even a car. That may not seem like much to you, but if you know like I know, him having a car is like me writing a happy post with no complaining. It's some seriously rare stuff. Kareem was the last male friend I have had, and it was kinda like old times. Normally, my cynical ass would be giving him the side glance, all suspicious and shit, but I honestly believe that he has turned his life around. He asked me to be best man in his wedding next year, which I have to think about. But I do think that we might be able to get past all the drug shit, and just be like brothers again. Wish me luck with that.

Like I said, no complaints at all. This weekend has been excellent. I didn't even trip when I had to go to work this afternoon. I took it all in stride. I hope someone gives me something to complain about otherwise, I got nothing else to write about for the rest of the week. This post got long as hell, and for that I apologize, but it is what is. I hope you all had a great weekend as well.

A-B-Cya!!! (Still bringing back the old school joints!)

Rashan Jamal

Friday, August 24, 2007

If You're Looking For Me Baby You Can Find Me

Damn, did I just quote "Ay Bay Bay?" That ain't right, but let's move on. "Operation: Get Yo Ass Outta the House, Rashan!" continues. I got another packed weekend coming up. That's two in a row. That surely has to be a sign of the apocalypse. Rashan going out two weeks in a row?

But it's true. If you're looking for me Friday you can find me running the streets. I gotta get up and get a haircut. It's been a couple of weeks and my hair is doing some crazy fuzzy sticking up thing. Gotta get that tight. After that, I'm gonna hit the mall for a minute before those young punks get outta school, provided I wake my ass up. Might take my niece with me, since she has been wanting to go to the mall for a couple weeks. I'll let her pick something out for her birthday next week.

Later that night, you can find me at Atlantic Station with PHD and the maybe-weds. (They would kill me if they knew I called them that. I'll be sure to tell them about it when I see them. LOL) It's PHD's birthday weekend so we are gonna take her out to Strip (which despite the name and my penchant for nudie bars has nothing to do with naked dancers) and maybe chill here after dinner. PHD made me plan the night, even though I don't really know too much about what she likes yet. I think she's testing me to see if I got good taste. It should be cool, I haven't been to Atlantic Station in a while, and there's always something interesting to crack jokes about out there. I would take pictures, but my brother has my camera. If you are in the area stop by and say what's up. (Don't really do that cuz I will act like I don't know you.)

Let's see... Saturday, I have not one but two baby showers to go to, as if I needed another reminder that everybody has kids but me. I'm probably only gonna make it to one. My brother and his wife are expecting soon, so if you're looking for me, you can find me way out in the sticks of Newnan, Ga bright and early for that one. One of my ex co-workers is also having a baby shower, but I more than likely won't be able to make that one, plus I didn't get a gift yet, so I'll hit them up later. I imagine alot of my former team will be there and I don't want it to seem like I'm ducking them, but er umm, I'm ducking them. I can only take them in small doses, like no more than 2 ex co workers at a time.

Saturday night, I'm gonna try to find a way to infringe on PHD's second birthday celebration with her girls, without seeming stalkery and desperate. But if not, I have an invitation to go hang out with some Africans at a house party in Smyrna. I'm hesitant to go to that one because I think the girl that invited me is scheming on me, and I'm not feeling her like that. Plus I don't like being places where I don't speak the language. I'd be all paranoid that they were plotting to merk a nigga or steal my identity or something. If you looking for me Saturday night, I don't know where I'll be, but I'll be around.

Operation: GYAOTH, R! is going well. I should be able to keep it up, unless I break down and buy Madden '08, in which case, its a wrap. I'll be stuck to the PlayStation night and day, only leaving to go to work, and get some late night Krystals. Hell, I might not even go to work. I already got my bonus for the month. I can take a few days off to play a season of Madden with Mike Vick and the Falcons, since his punk ass won't be playing for the real team. If I sound bitter about that, it's because I am. Anyway, it's late, I'm rambling and I got shit to do tomorrow, so I'm gonna try to force myself to get some sleep. I hope you all have a good weekend.

Audi 5000!!! (I'm bringing the old slang back, whether you like or not!)

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

What I Want In A Woman

I was having a conversation with a friend last night about what we are looking for in a mate. I told her that my list was short and sweet. I figured that I wasn't that picky. I just wanted someone who was single and smart. My friend basically told me that I was full of shit, in a nice way. After I got off the phone, I started thinking, what do I really want in a woman? I came up with a list that is way too detailed to ever be encompassed in one woman. Then I narrowed it down to make it more realistic. This is what I came up with and why.

Single - I've spent too much time chasing women that I knew I couldn't fully have. I think a part of me knew that if I dealt with occupied women, I wouldn't have to fully commit myself 100% to another. I'm past that now, and if I have to give up my solitary time to develop a relationship, I think I can do it.

Smart - There's nothing worse than talking to someone who is way below your intellectual capacity. I don't yearn to have discussions about the theory of relativity, but I would like for a woman to have at least heard of E=MC2. I don't know what it means, but at least I know it's Einstein. I am thinker, and even if we don't think about the same things, I would like to know that the woman has some independent thoughts.

Feminine - I don't want a woman that can kick my ass, nah mean? But feminine can describe so many things, from the way she does her hair (you know I gotta thing for hair), to the way she dresses, to the way she smells, etc. I want a woman that embraces her femininity.

Challenging, but not too challenging - There's a difference between being stimulating and just damn difficult. That's a line that I often find myself trying to walk. I'm working on being less difficult. So, I need a woman that is in the same place. Disagree with me all you want, but be logical about it. One of my ex's (who is now a good platonic friend) used to be so contrary it was like if I said the sky was blue, she would say it was red just to disagree with me. It got to the point where I just shut down. On the contrary, I hate a yes-woman. Don't agree with me just to agree with me. Have your own opinions about things. If you think I'm wrong then challenge me. I welcome that.

Demeanor - You ever see a girl that would otherwise be attractive, but has that nasty "mad at the world" scowl? That's what I mean by demeanor. I want a woman that is not afraid to smile and be pleasant. I'm not talking about a pushover, but instead a woman that has a positive attitude about life, and isn't angry all the damn time.

Conversationalist - I've learned since I started blogging, that good conversation is essential to me. Talk to me about everything and anything and I'm hooked. A man can get sex anywhere, its rare to have that good conversation.

Likes to try new things - As any of my ex girlfriends will tell you, I'm essentially a boring person. I get stuck in my patterns and become content with the mundane. I need someone that not only likes to try new things, but challenges me to expand my horizons. I can do it if I have the right person to do it with.

If she has a kid... - Her kids should be the center of her life. As much as I like attention, I can't be a priority for a mother. A bad mother will turn me off faster than just about anything. I have a soft spot for the children, and I can't stand to see them being neglected.

Don't be an Aries - I mean enough already. If I meet one more Aries chick, I'm gonna lose my mind. Yeah, they are compatible with us Sags, but I can't take it no more. I'm putting myself on an Aries strike. No more Aries for at least one year! Okay, that's not realistic, so I guess I'll leave this one as negotiable.

I tried to focus on personality issues, rather than the physical or material. I've learned not to limit myself to my so called type. I mean how many 5'1" dark skinned chicks are there left for me to date. This is just my truncated list, I guess I am pickier than I thought I was. What about you? What are you looking for in a man/woman?

PS: I just remembered that I did one of these lists sometime last year. It's kind of similar, except in keeping with my old style of incorporating hip hop lyrics in every post, I included some quotes. I guess things haven't really changed that much for me, since I want a lot of the same things. Anyway, here is that post, if you care to read it.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Guess What? I Actually Did Something This Weekend

As I sit here at work doing nothing, I might as well get my post outta the way. I actually had a lot going on over the weekend for once. So here's the recap.

Friday, I spent time with the family doing the tourist thing. We took two cars downtown to visit the Aqu.arium and the I had the kids with me and my mom and sister (and the baby) rode together. We were supposed to go around 9:00, but procrastination being a family trait, we didn't actually leave until11:00. Had to have breakfast, and get ready, and get a new stroller for the baby (which he refused to sit in most of the day.) For once I didn't get lost on the way downtown, which is another trait embedded in my family's DNA. When we got downtown, I found some cheap parking nearby and walked the kids to the aquar.ium. The line was ridiculous. I was thinking that since the kids were back in school, it would be less crowded, but that wasn't the case. (My niece and nephew are being home schooled and my brother/nephew goes to school in Savannah, and they don't go back until after Labor Day.) The security was also tripping. You couldn't bring anything in. I understand no outside drinks or food or weapons, but they wouldn't even let you bring in gum. I had a fresh pack of Mint Mo.jito Or.bit that just went to waste. But, oh well. We went in and checked everything out. It was pretty cool, but I didn't enjoy myself as much as I did the last time I went. I guess it was just too crowded this time.

After that, we went across the street to the mus.eum. Or should I say the propaganda machine. Man, I haven't heard so much self promotion since I bought the last Wes.t CD. Everything was this, that. saved the world, Cok.e stopped wars, C.oke ended racism. It was just annoying. I hadn't been there since I was in high school, and I guess my mind state is just different now. I felt like they were trying to brainwash me. The best part of the C.oke Mu.seum was the section where you can taste sodas from all over the world. There were some that were good, some that were extremely odious and this one from Italy that tasted like liquid sh*t, or what I imagine sh*t would taste like. The kids had a good time, so that was cool, but I would not recommend the museum for anyone over the age of 15. We left the museum and were going to hang out at Cen.te.nnial Park, but it started raining for a quick second, so we went back to the car and did get kinda lost on the way home. I couldn't find the street I was looking for so I drove around until I saw the highway. I intended to take surface streets, but I had 3 over-caffienated kids in the car with me, so I just went the first way I could find. When we got back home, we got some Italian takeout and then I crashed out.

Saturday, I had a date. I made plans with PhD to go out to dinner and a movie. She lives in Athens, which is about an hour away from me, so I drove out there to see her. When I got there, she showed me around her crib and we talked for awhile, but since neither one of us was hungry, we went to a bookstore for coffee and conversation. Later, we went to see "The Bo.urne Ultim.atum" which was good, but had a few too many "yeah right" moments. I didn't know, but apparently Matt Da.mon is Supe.rman. After the movie, we went and got some food then back to her crib for awhile. I left around 2 and made the hour drive back home, with PHD on the phone. It was cool. I had a good time, and we'll go out again. If you read my old blog, then you know how I would meet someone and then they would be gone by the next week, so I guess I'm making progress. And that's all I'm gonna say about that. I guess I can stop being anti social now and join my co worker's conversation. They are talking about R. Ke.lly and his new "Tra.pped in the Clo.set" videos, which are so bad that I can't stop watching. Even though I wrote this on Sunday, don't be looking for anything else on Monday, this is it. I'll holla at cha on Tuesday. One!!!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Jamal Family Curse

I think my family has a curse when it comes to automobiles. I've written previously about some of the ill stuff that's happened with me. I had a transmission go out and in the following month after I plopped down $1800 to fix it, had the engine go out. I've also had various tire blowouts in the last year that have left me stranded on the side of highway. Well, its not just me. My brother and sister also have car issues that have plagued us as well.

Most recently, my sister was in a car accident that ripped the entire front of her car off. Luckily, no one was hurt but the car was put out of commission. She decided at that time that she would just take Marta instead of getting a new car. Well that leads us to yesterday. I told you that my mom and nephew/brother were coming up for a visit. Well, my mother has recently had surgery on her neck and foot, so instead of her making the 4 hour drive, my sister rented a car and drove down to Savannah to get her. We've all made the trek to Savannah many times, so its no big deal. I had her older kids with me, and she took the baby with her. About 3 o'clock when I finally woke up, I expected them to be close to being here. My niece told me that my sister was having car trouble and would call me to update me.

I called my sister to find out what the deal was, and learned that Jamal family curse had struck again. While driving her rental car, it was an '07 I think, all of a sudden the speedometer went to zero. A few moments later, the gas gauge went to E, even though she had just filled up the rental car. Fortunately, she was able to make it to the nearest exit, before the car completely shut off. But my sister and her 19 month old son, were stranded with a broken down rental car.

My sister called the rental car company and they came and towed the car to the nearest office, but they didn't have any cars available to replace the broken down jalopy. Well, correction, they did have a cargo van with 2 seats, and another car that had the check engine light on. So my sister had to wait a few hours until they finally had a car returned. She stayed overnight in Savannah and is supposed to come back this morning. I took advantage of her absence to bond with/spoil my nephew and niece. My nephew played Playstation all day, while my niece stayed on my computer forever. If my sister was here, they probably would have had to read a book or something, but Uncle is all about slacking off. I didn't feel like cooking, so we went out to eat at the Olive Garden, where they ordered grown folks food (have you ever heard of an 11 year old ordering minestrone soup?) and helped me flirt with the waitress. And yes, this time, I actually did get the number.

By this time, my sister should be on the way back to Atlanta with my moms and Nate. They already lost a day because of the car trouble, but hopefully there will be no more incidents of the Jamal family curse. It doesn't seem to matter if the car is old, new, borrowed or blue, if something can go wrong with a whip, my family will somehow be involved.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Any More Room For Me In Those Jeans?

I'm sitting down at my computer not knowing what I'm gonna write so excuse me if I go astray. I don't even know why I'm writing because I had a nice little every other day thing going on. I think I just feel like I need to write more often so the 20 or so people that visit me err'day will have something to read.

Today at work we had a jeans day. Most companies have a casual day on Fridays, but we got one on Tuesday this week. Every weekend is casual, but today's jeans day was...lets call it resplendent. On Saturdays and Sundays, you usually have the easy going jeans days. Plus there aren't nearly as many people in the office on the weekend and they aren't trying to impress any one. But today, jeans day turned into a virtual fashion show. And I was loving every minute of it.

I think I already told you all about all the eye candy at work. The women at my job are something serious even in the business gear. But come "Jeans Day" the eye candy meter went from "wow" to "daaaaaaaaamn!!!" (said in Chris Tucker from Friday voice). I mean, women were just showing out today rocking their designer jeans and their "I just came from the club" outfits with the stilettos. It was enough to make a man lose his mind. Every type of woman represented today. From fat to thick to thin to Nicole Richie sick looking skinny, the jeans were out of control. And since it was 100 degrees again today, they were showing as much skin as possible. Its funny, dudes that have never met were giving each other the "hey look at that" head nod. And the women were eating up the attention. I think the sexual harassment laws were suspended for one day.

Funny true story: I was outside politicking with an coworker from my old job who works in a different department. Somehow, after watching the ladies walk by for awhile, we decided to count the number of visible lower back tattoos we saw. I saw 22 in 4 hours in my department, he saw 17 in his. That's at least 39 women who had on shirts that were intentionally too small at work. And I guess we weren't supposed to look, but shit, I had no choice. I can't wait for the next "jeans day!" They making it hard to keep up my whole no dating at the job thing.

Ladies, as much as it sounds like it, I'm really not a pervert. I just greatly appreciate the female form. And if the women at my job want to show it, who am I to not look? That would be disrespectful right? I wouldn't want to hurt any one's self esteem by not ogling them. It would be wrong to not sneak and take pictures with my camera phone, right? Right? Oh, whatever. If you think I'm a perv, I'll be that. (Disclaimer: For the record, most of this took place in my imagination. I played it cool and wasn't obviously lusting after women at work. That wouldn't be right.)

I'm out of the office for the rest of the week, Mom and nephew/brother are coming in to town to do the whole zoo, aquarium, Coke Museum tourist thing. I'll probably hang out with them for the inside activities, I don't know about the outdoors activities. It's too hot to be walking around looking at a damn panda. I'll probably be posting again on Thursday, but if I don't talk to ya, have a good rest of the week and I'll holla!

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

No Matter Where I Go Crazy Will Find Me

I've been told that I attract so much crazy because I am crazy myself. I admit that I am a little eccentric, but the craziness that I see on a day to day basis is just ridiculous. Here are just a few from the last week.

Thursday: It's 2 in the morning. I'm in the drive through of a local fast food establishment after getting off work. This guy skips the 2 cars in front of me and comes up to my car. "Hey brotha! Let me get a dolla out you." I'm like huh? You beggin in the fast food drive thru? I took a look at his new timberlands and declined. "I ain't got it." I expected that to be the end of it. Crazy Beggar Man decides to give me a lecture about how Christ would be ashamed of me and that Moses would curse me for not giving him a dollar. I say... "Aiight, dawg. Have a good night" and hit the power windows. When I get to the window to get my food, he comes back to the car. "Hey, brotha. I just want to give you another chance to do the right thing. Let me get a dollar, I ain't on drugs man. I just want to get a hamburger." So, I call his bluff. I say "Okay, I'll order you something." He says. "Come on nigga. I don't want no damn food. Just give me the money." I shook my head and drove off.

Friday: I take my nephew to the barbershop to get his haircut. I'm getting mine cut too. It's literally 102 degrees outside. No hyperbole, no exaggeration. I was sweating from the walk from the parking lot to the shop. Later, I'm leaving the spot and I see a young dude walking in a hoodie. Huh? Are you trying to die? Later, I took my nephew and niece out to eat at Chili's about 2 miles down the street. I see the same dude, still got the hoodie on and still alive somehow.

Saturday: Went to the gas station to get some... lets just say Power-ade. LOL. The Pakistani behind the bulletproof glass decides he should talk to me. First of all, he called me brother, which rubbed me the wrong way. Then he decides to tell me about how he got his head shaved like "you guys" and how he sold a winning lottery ticket to a girl with "much junk in the trunk." I really needed that um...Power-ade and I had slid my money under the glass already so I couldn't just up and leave, but he was holding my $20 and talking me to death. I kept looking at my phone, but he didn't get the hint. Finally, I was like, "lemme get my change, man" as he finished up a story about some strippers that come in the store.

Sunday: I'm at work. We have a little down time so I'm talking to a female co worker about nothing. All of a sudden, this dude walks up on me and says. "Hey Man! Don't be talking to my woman." I'm thinking he is joking, but he is not smiling. I go back to my conversation, intentionally disregarding this dude. I see him giving me the mean mug for the rest of the night. I asked the girl, "are y'all dating or something?" She tells me no but he has been trying to holla. My sarcastic ass has to mess with him now cuz she is paying more attention to me than him, not in a romantic way, but just in conversation. He gets more and more heated as the night goes on, and later tells me: "Ay dawg. I called dibs on that one." I said, "how you gonna call dibs on a person?" He says "I'm just saying... don't throw no salt on my game" I laughed in his face, and said "it ain't even like that, but you may wanna check with the girl before you start claiming her." Crazy ass (word that was buried.)

Monday: I was on the phone with an old jump-off. Hadn't talked to or seen her in a good while. Catching up and shit, but not really paying too much attention because I was getting ready for work. I'm like let me call you back, I need to brush my teeth and stuff. Well, I forgot to call her back. Okay, truthfully, PHD called and I was talking to her on the way to work. So, I'm at work, and I don't get service inside the building. When I go on break, I check my messages and see I have 4 new ones. It was the girl I "forgot" to call back. The first one started out, "see, muhfucka...." I skip to the next one. The next one starts, "that's why we ain't together now" the next one "when your trifling ass says you gonna call...". The last one is just "Call me back, bye!", as sweet as she could be. I remembered why I stopped talking to her ass and why I don't answer my phone. I wish I could post those messages on here. It would be hilarious.

Anyway, like I said, no matter where I go, crazy will find me. Shit, maybe it is me.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Maxine Pt 2

Part 2 of my attempt to make my life seem more dramatic than it really is. I think I'm really just writing to be writing. Here is the conclusion of the Maxine story.

We stood outside the Savannah Civic Center, freshly minted high school graduates. Maxine had her thug boyfriend's arm draped around her. My Brandy look a like girlfriend stood next to me, paying more attention to her friends in the school band than to me. Although events of the last year (too embarrassing to write about) had strained our relationship a little, Maxine and I found our way back to the comfortable friendship we had nurtured over the past 6 years. I had accepted that Maxine would never be my girl, even getting in (and out) of a serious (for high school) relationship. Although I still felt her, I was no longer playing myself for her.

"So what are you doing tonight?" I asked.

"The family is going to dinner and then to the party at the Masonic Lodge"

"Oh, so you just forgot to invite me" I joked.

"No, come on now. You know, everyone is gonna be there. What you need an engraved invitation or something?" she said, hitting me on the arm.

"Okay, then I'll see you there tonight. I'm gonna roll with Kareem and Tori."

"Congratulations Hoodlum! We did it!!!"

"Damn, right, Princess! High School Graduates!"

We hugged and she gave me a peck on the cheek and then we went our separate ways. I walked across the parking lot with a sense of relief. For some reason, at the time, high school felt like war. If only I knew that school was cake compared to going to work every day and paying bills.

I never did make it to the party, though. I went to dinner with the fam and I was just about to roll out to the party when my father took me aside to offer me some words of wisdom between sips of Seagrams and drags on his Newports. I got ready to leave again, and then my mother cried and held on for dear life. Then my grandmother had to pray over me. Before I knew it, it was late as hell. When my boys and I got to the party, the police had already shut it down. Something about somebody shooting off guns in the vicinity. Savannah was like that. You couldn't ever have any function without violence happening. I went through all that to say that I missed Maxine. As the summer went on, my lack of a car as well as my hanging out with "Brandy", prevented me from seeing Maxine again. Before I knew it, it was time for college, I went to Savannah State and Maxine went to Georgia Southern. It was only 45 minutes away, but I never saw her again.

Until tonight. Just by chance, Maxine, or her doppelganger, just happened to be in the same Kroger, at the same time, on the same night as me. I don't usually talk to people when I'm out, my self diagnosed social anxiety disorder stops that. But I had to know if it was her. I don't know if I really wanted it to be her, or not. I mean, what can I say that I have accomplished in the 15 years since I last saw her? Never married, no kids, not where I want to be in my career. What if it was her and she achieved her dream of becoming a lawyer while I didn't become the successful rapper or writer that she told me I could be? What if she is happily married with children while I am perpetually single, albeit mostly by choice? What if? Oh, forget the what ifs? I decided to go for it and approached her in the ice cream aisle.

"Hey, Maxine?" I inquired.

She didn't look up. Although we were the only two people in the area, she must have thought I was talking to someone else.

"Excuse me, Is your name Maxine?"

"No, I'm such and such." I forget what her name really was.

"I'm sorry. You just look like someone I went to school with. Sorry for bothering you"

"No problem. Where did you go to school?"

"In Savannah."

"Nah, I'm a Grady Baby. I'm from here."

"Okay, sorry again. Have a good night."

It wasn't Maxine. But it looked just like her.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007


I happened to notice a girl in a light shade of blue
I happened to see her, the sight of her leaves me confused
She may not be you
But she looks just like you

"Maxine" John Legend

I love that song. If you haven't heard it, here's the link. In fact, when I first got the album, I listened to this song over and over. The girl in the following story's name is not Maxine, but we'll call her that to keep in the theme of the song. Besides, I learned my lesson last year using some one's real name. She found the old blog and read all about herself, so to avoid that happening we'll call her Maxine. Another real life crazy situation from Rashan's life.

I know all of you told me about hanging out at 4 in the morning, but I'm a midnight marauder. That's what I do. I can't sleep at night and I can't get up in the morning. So when I have to do stuff like go to the grocery store, chances are its gonna happen in the wee hours when most normal people are sleep. Tonight, I hit up the Kroger to replenish my chicken waings and ground turkey and almost lost my mind. I think I saw Maxine for the first time in 15 years. Matter of fact, I can tell you the last time I saw her. It was June 1992. The night of our high school graduation.

Maxine was the one. Even though she never felt me like that, I was hopelessly devoted to her. We were friends, and try as I might, I could never cross the friendship boundary. I used to get stuck in that zone a lot. I wasn't always the ruggedly handsome blogger you see now a days LOL. I was the chubby, quiet, eccentric, well lets just say what it was. I was a big nerd. Don't go feeling sorry for me, I liked who I was. I was a paradoxical figure. I could recite Big Daddy Kane lyrics one minute and in the next make a Herman Melville reference. (Bartleby the Scrivener was my shit.) But it didn't always translate well to others. I was a little off putting to some people and others just didn't know I existed. Such was high school, but Maxine got me. I mean, she was one of the few people that I consistently remained friendly with. And I carried a mean torch for her too going back to the middle school days when she had a curl and I rocked my first flat top.

Fast forward to tonight. I'm walking down the cereal aisle, looking for the Cinnamon Toast Crunch, when I passed her. We gave each other the obligatory head nod and I thought to myself "She looks like someone I know." I couldn't place it so I kept it moving. I ran into her again in the meat department. I saw her out the corner of my eye, scrunching up her nose as she looked at a package of pork chops. That's when it hit me. Oh shit, Is that Maxine? I watched that wrinkle of her nose for 6 years. And I remember being weak when she flashed that smile that revealed that dimple on her left cheek. If she would just smile, I would know if it was her.

I didn't know if it was Maxine or not. She looked the same, albeit a little heavier than high school. But that's to be expected, that was 15 years ago. I flashed back to those days when she called me the Intelligent Hoodlum and I called her my Nubian Princess. I know it sounds corny now, but again, that was 15 years ago. Maxine was the first girl that made me go stalker. Even as I finally got a real girlfriend in 11th grade, she would have been dropped in a minute if Maxine was willing. And tonight, in a bit of serendipity, maybe I saw her again, in another city, 15 years later. I had to know. Was it her?

"Hey, Maxine?" I spoke...

She may not be you, but she looks just like you...

Monday, August 6, 2007

Much Ado About Nothing

What's on my mind? Umm... everything and nothing at the same time. You know what that means. It's time to get random with it.

This came from a conversation I had at work tonight. I am a Kanye West fan! I admit it, and I don't care who doesn't like it. I know he doesn't need me to defend him, but I will. For people who think he is too cocky, that's hip hop baby. Hip-Hop was based on "I'm better than you" rhymes and even today most rappers don't do anything but brag on their songs. Kanye just does it better. And "Stronger" is a banger, and one of the few original videos out there.

One week has passed and PHD still thinks I'm a nice guy. She says she doesn't like sarcasm, which threw up a red flag, but she must not be paying attention. I sweat sarcasm and it doesn't seem to affect her yet. We'll see.

A minor snag in my Vegas trip. The days of the trip have changed and I don't know if I can get them off from work. I thought it was just one day I would have to take off, but now its 3. Getting Sunday off on short notice was no problem, but now I gotta try to get Tuesday and Wednesday off too (I'm already off Labor Day.) It might be time for one of those week long "illnesses" that people tend to get around holidays, but truth be told I've already missed way too many days of work this year with my car troubles.

People are starting to figure me out. I don't always answer my phone if I don't feel like talking. When they were trying to get me to go out with them Friday, I didn't answer because I didn't feel like going. These people called me 9 times in a row until I finally picked up the phone and said "WHAT!?!?" Then they had me. I'm real good at avoiding situations, but not so good at just saying no. I'm gonna have to think of a new tactic.

I got hella drunk on Friday. I showed up at the spot at 8:00 and by 8:15, I had 4 shots of Jack and I didn't pay for a damn thing. Before I knew it, I was so gone that I got in my homegirl's car and rode out to some one's house I didn't know. While they were smoking that Kush, I was drinking more Jack. Next thing I know it was 1:00 in the morning and I was trying to wake up my people to take me back to my car, but they were not budging. I finally just said fuck it, and watched Miami Vice on cable and waited for them to get up. I didn't get back to my car until 4:30 and didn't get home until 5. But no hangover. I do wonder whose lip gloss was on me though and how it got there. This is why I sip and don't drink anymore.

I got "300" in the mail the other day and finally sat down to watch it on Saturday. That joint was phenomenal. I don't buy DVD's but I would "borrow" that one from some one's crib if I had the chance.

I think the way baseball is treating Barry Bonds is ridiculous. They are basically accusing him of cheating without having the balls to come out and say it. Say what you want, but he never tested positive for steroids, so celebrate him breaking the home run record. Who cares if he is a jerk? From all accounts Babe Ruth was a drunk manwhore, and he is arguably the most revered figure in sports. How you just gonna deny a man a place in history that he earned? I know about 70% of the country disagrees with me, but damn it this is my blog. I call it how I see it.

The Falcons had their Fan Fest on Saturday. I went last year and had a lot of fun, not too mention some lewd comments about a picture I posted last year at the event. LOL. I couldn't bring myself to go this year. I'm really hating the Falcons this year. Mike Vick messin' it all up for me.

2 hours later....

I was just distracted for 2 hours by my old blog. I went to find the link for the the last random thought and somehow started reading all my old shit. I used to be a good blogger.

Somebody asked me about the screenplay/novel (I can't figure out which one it's gonna be yet) I was writing. I hesitated for a minute and then told them what it was about. They then started looking at me like I was nuts. So, I'm gonna put it out here and see if you guys think I'm crazy too. One of my ideas was a story about a Black serial killer and how he got to be that way. I think whenever I tell people about that, they think its autobiographical or something. It's just fiction, dammit!

Okay, its time to get some sleep now. Everybody have a productive Monday and I'll get at cha later.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Anatomy of a Shooting

I saw it happening. I was minding my own business just trying to get a Sprite. Yes, it was 4 in the morning, but whatever I'm grown. I can go out in the middle of the night if I want. He was blocking the doorway outside the gas station as I was going in. He had that familiar "you niggaz betta not fuck with me look." I did my best to abide by his wishes as I said "excuse me" and stepped in the store. My Spidey sense was tingling something serious. Something told me it was about to go down and to get the hell out of there expeditiously. I dropped my $1.19 and headed for the door. That's when I saw it.

He had fire red eyes... the by product of too much weed or perhaps too much Patron, since we were right across the street from the strip club. Maybe some dancer took advantage of his inebriated state and got an extra $20 out of him. Maybe some cat tried to play him in the club. I don't know what the story was, but the eyes are what told me there was about to be trouble. He had that hardcore thug, about to cry look, but as we all know, thugs don't cry. Thugs handle business. And in this case, I saw the business he was about to handle. His right hand kept fidgeting with something in his pocket. I'm no gun expert, but I saw the handle. It was a .22.

Shit, I thought to myself. What can I do now? Do I hang out in the store and wait for the shit to go down, or do I make a dash to the car and peel out. I didn't want to make him any more nervous than he already was. I saw him talking to himself, although I couldn't tell if he was trying to talk himself into something or talk himself out of something. I hung back for a minute, in full observation mode. This brother kind of looked like me. I mean, he wasn't nearly as handsome as I, (kidding) but he had the look of a brother who could amount to something. He wasn't the stereotypical, white tee and saggy jeans thug that White people would avoid on the street. He looked like a urban professional in casual mode. His gear was kind of fresh, a brown and white Roc a Wear shirt with some nice slacks, and timberland type sneakers. He had on a chain with a platinum cross, although for all I know it could have been fake. But my point was, he didn't have the scary Black man look, except for those red eyes and that furrowed brow. His eyes were threatening like Ice Cube circa 1991, in 2007 Atlanta.

I browsed the store as much as I could with out looking wicked obvious, but how many times can I pass the oatmeal cream pies and nudie magazines before the Pakistani behind the bulletproof glass got suspicious? I had to take my chances. I put my keys in my left hand, cradling the Sprite in my right and walked directly to the whip without making eye contact. It seemed the hard soles of my shoes (I still had on my work clothes, although untucked and tie loosened) clicked with fiery intensity until I made it to the ride. I started it up and put in reverse when I heard a booming voice.

"Nigga, what the fuck do you think you doing?"

Oh, shit! Is he talking to me? I don't have nothing to do with it. Let me ride out in peace. I looked up and he was glaring in my direction, with that fire in his eyes. I was shook to say the least. I saw him reach in the pocket again, and thinking he was going for his piece, my fight or flight response took over. I chose flight, but my mind kept it cool for a minute.

"What's up, pimpin!?" I quizzically responded.

"Nah, not you homey! I was talking to that nigga" he said, pointing with his left hand, his right still in his over sized pocket.

"Aiight" I said relieved and backed up.

I threw the clutch in drive and sped out of there. By the time I got to the exit of the parking lot, I heard him arguing with the other dude that I was afraid to turn around and look at. I heard "bitch azz nigga", and "pussy muhfucka" and realized the shit was about to go down. There are just some things you don't say to a man without it getting violent and that had crossed the line. I didn't want to waste anymore time in this life threatening situation. It would be just my luck to get caught by a stray. I hit the street and heard three pops. One of them had let the guns fly, just seconds after I got out of harms way. Instead of just going across the street to my crib, I drove around way out of my way for about 15 minutes just to be clear of the situation. When I returned home, I saw the police blue lights, but no red ambulance lights at the gas station. I guess my man had bad aim and missed. I'm just glad I got the hell out of there before it went down. Needless to say, I won't be sleeping tonight.