I'm Having A Party...or maybe I'm not

Last week, I (or Jameil) had the bright idea to have some people over to the crib. Jameil was already gonna be there, and then Adei was coming to town too. We decided that we should make it a blogger meetup and invite Joy and I heard La was in the A too. The plan was we would have a get together, not so much a party, but just people eating and/or drinking at my crib.

Well, as things tend to do, plans got muddled. It was on, then it was off. Such and such was coming, then they weren't. Jameil was gonna cook, then she wasn't. I woke up this morning not really knowing if it was going to happen. It continued on to my work day. I didn't find out for sure that people would still be coming over until just before lunch. Right now, I'm at work and Jameil is either at the grocery store getting ready or laying around doing nothing. Not really sure. I'm pretty confident that when i get home, there should be food and drinks waiting, but we'll see. Anyway, the point is this: If you are in the A right now, and want to hang out with other bloggers and promise not to just show up at my crib whenever you feel like it, send me an email (visionz74@yahoo.com) and I'll let you know where the gathering is. (Magnolia - I know you don't blog but once every fortnight, and probably won't read this but you are last minute invited too. LOL) That is unless plans fall through again in which case I will sit at home drinking beer and watching tv. Either way, it sounds like a plan to me. One!

A Very Special Christmas Edition of Thursday Thirteen: 13 Things I Love About Jameil

Merry Christmas, everybody. I'm not sure how many people will be reading, but if you are, here is another collaboration with Jameil. Actually, she hasn't read this ahead of time, but the idea was constructed together. Be sure to check out Jam's list of what she loves about me.

1. Our Long Phone Calls - Being in two different states, the majority of our time is spent on the phone. I love how we can always find something to talk about or even just enjoy each other's silent company as we do different things. I think the longest we've talked on the phone has been 15 hours in one day.

2. Following Dreams - I love that Jameil is following her dream to make documentaries. A lot of people have lofty ideas, but never do anything about them - present company included. I'm so proud that she is actually taking action to make this a reality.

3. Sense of Humor - We have some of the craziest, most hilarious conversations. I wish I could put some of them on the blog sometimes, but I'm not quite sure everybody would get the joke, or if they did get the joke, they may not appreciate us laughing at you. Needless to say, in a 15 hour phone convo, there has to be lots of humor to keep it interesting. Jameil has that part covered.

4. Passion about the news - Okay, this may get on some people's nerves, but I love it. Whenever we are watching any local news show, Jam immediately starts critiquing it. This comes from her background as a news producer. She knows how things should be done, and always points it out if its done incorrectly. I've learned a lot just from hearing her rant about the news, and you know I like learning new stuff.

5. Accepting My Weirdness - I'll be the first to admit that I'm not normal. In fact, I wear weirdness as a badge of honor. This can turn some people off, but Jameil seems to take it in stride. It's a good thing, because my brain isn't turning normal anytime soon. LOL

6. Talking About Anything - I don't know if there is any conversation that is off limits with us. We can talk about the past without any strangeness. We can talk about the future without any nervousness. We can plan our hypothetical kids names without either of us running for the hills. I love that no matter what the topic, we can keep everything in perspective and not have to be all guarded around each other.

7. Long Hugs - When I first see Jam after two or three weeks, you can bet that we are going to be locked in an embrace for several minutes. I can tell that she is genuinely happy to see me, and the feeling is definitely mutual.

8. Making Fun Of Each Other - We are ridiculous with this one. The same way we make fun of other people, we make fun of one another. It's all good natured teasing. She loves to call me old because I am 7 and 3/4ths years older than her. She likes making gay jokes about me since I like a lot of TV shows and movies that most heterosexual black males don't watch (i.e. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Gilmore Girls, etc.) She knows she can do this because I can take a joke. I'm not one of those sensitive cats that's gonna run off crying in a corner because somebody ribbed me. I do the same to her, but I'll leave those off the blog. I'm not crazy, ya know.

9. Food - Whether she cooks or we go out to a restaurant to eat, we gonna eat. And we gonna eat good. And I love that she is not scared to try new places. It's cool being able to go to some new spot and experiencing new culinary delights. I've had situations before where we always went to the same restaurant week after week. We definitely have our go-to spots, but there's always some new food adventure around the corner. Also, she's introduced me to the wonderful world of brunch. Where has that been my whole life?

10. Strong Personality - I love how UN wishy washy Jameil is. She knows what she likes, she knows what she believes in and she doesn't waver. The way she presents her self is the way she is. There's no fakeness in her. I never have to wonder if she is just saying something to keep me happy. If she doesn't agree, she'll tell me forcefully that she doesn't agree. You never have to guess if she feels strongly about something. Jameil is an antonym for the word sycophant.

11. Falling Asleep - I love when we fall asleep together. It feels like the most natural thing in the world, holding her while we watch a movie. Or her rubbing my head til I drift off. It's the sweetest thing. I definitely miss that when I'm not with her.

12. Competition - Lots of things between us are competitions. We've had 3 day long sessions trying to outdo each other. For example, once we had a competition to see who could say the most outrageous thing about a certain blogger. That thing dragged on forever until I finally was tapped out. It started on personal email, moved to work email, and continued on the phone. Neither one of us wants to give in first. These are friendly competitions by the way. Neither of us are sore losers. (If she would ever lose, she might be a sore loser. She always seems to get the best of me in these competition with her ol' stubborn self. LOL) By the way, we don't often have comment competitions, but when we post about the same thing, best believe its a battle. The posts when we announced we were dating, she won that time. Last week's T-13 was a tie. I'm hoping that my bloggers will represent for me this time! COMMENT ON MINE, NOT HERS!!!!!

13 Hey... - Cuz I know it's gonna be followed by "I Love You." It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside no matter how many times I hear it. I love you, too babe!

Hire Me?

Amidst all the talk about my company being "in a position of strength" and "poised for the future" comes the reality that we are just like everybody else. People will be getting laid off, bonuses are being cut, belts are being tightened. I can see the writing on the wall. I'm not saying I'm gonna be without a job, but I need to prepare for the possibility. Okay, I know that sounds depressing on Christmas Eve, but we had a meeting yesterday that pretty much sealed what I already knew. Times are tough. It's a recession, and I need to find a new job. I've been looking, but there really aren't too many jobs out there. Especially, ones that fit my unique skill set. Instead of sulking or stressig myself out, I'll deal with this the same way I deal with just about everything. By mocking it...

The following is a tongue in cheek list of my qualifications just in case any of you wanna hire me:

I can belittle people with my above average intelligence: I may not be able to do the job the way you want me to do it, but I'll come up with a better way to do it, all the while making my peers and superiors feel stupid. At every job I've had, I've always been the go to person, even when managers and/or people that have worked at the company for 10 years are around. It gives me a dual reputation of an uppity negro and savior. Every company needs that dude you love to hate. You need that in your company? Then, hire me.

I can effectively manage all my sick and vacation time: You know those people that have 10 days of vacation left at the end of the year, or never use any of their alloted sick days? That's not me. I can guarantee you that I will schedule all my vacation in advance and that I will not work the week of Thanksgiving. You don't have to worry about scrambling trying to find days to give me off at the end of the year. Also, that pesky sick time? You wont have to worry about paying me for that (if your company does that.) I'll use it effectively throughout the year. I won't be sick, but I'll use those days anyway.

I can figure out ways to beat the system: You know how some people have problems adapting to changes? That's not me. If you change our goals, then I'll figure out a way to manipulate said goal for my benefit. Things that most people complain about, well let's just say, instead of complaining, I'm figuring out a loophole. Ask my last job. They've changed our goals 7 times in 12 months. But I've always managed to find a way to avoid the pitfalls that other employees fall in. I'm still standing!

You don't have to feed me: Office parties, potlucks, bringing donuts to the office. That can get expensive. Well, let me tell you that I won't be participating in those. That's one less greedy person that you have to spend money on. That can add up. I'm helping your company's bottom line.

Overtime? Are you serious: Yeah, I won't be doing overtime. You don't have to pay me no time and a half. I'm all about 8 hours and going home. I've had jobs previously where I worked 12 hours a day, and I'm not down for that anymore. So, yeah, don't have to worry about me taking all your loot.

I can attract work stalkers like nobody's business: You may wonder how this is a good thing. Well, you can guarantee that these work stalkers will be at work early and every day to see me. It doesn't matter if I don't pay them any attention, they'll be there. That has to be good for your productivity!

I won't ever leave: When I get a job, I'm way too lazy to find another one. I've worked a place for 5 years, one for 6 years, 2 for 2 years. I'm what you may call loyal. You don't have to worry about me running to the competition. I'm a be there until you kick me out.

Okay, that's enough being silly. Merry Christmas Eve! I'll be posting tomorrow on Christmas: 13 Things I Love About Jameil... a kind of follow up to last weeks Thursday Thirteen. If you are around, check it out. If not, Merry Christmas, and I hope you get all the presents you wanted. ONE!

Overheard While Checking The Mail

*BANG BANG BANG*

"Open up! I know you in there"

*BANG BANG BANG*

"Stop playing, I see your car out here"

*BANG BANG BANG*

"Why you got me out here looking like a fool? Just open the door. Let's talk about this."

*BANG BANG BANG*

"Who is she? Why you picking her over me?"

*BANG BANG BANG*

"I'm a beat that bitch ass when I find her."

*Door Opens - It's another woman*

"Why you making a scene out here. Go on home, you knew what this was"

"But baby..."

*Door Slams*

Thursday Thirteen: Things I Do To Annoy Jameil

Today's T 13 is things I do to annoy Jameil. It's usually not on purpose, but sometimes it is. Also, don't be reading this and thinking that there's trouble in paradise. These are just minor things that we've noticed over the last 5 months. At least, they are minor to me. When you get done reading this one, go ahead and check out her list of what she does to annoy me. We collaborated on these the other day, and I think they are pretty funny. Let's get started.

1. Stand by car door with door open - Okay, I don't do this one anymore. But when we first started seeing each other with frequency, when I would open her car door, apparently I didn't move to my side of the car quickly enough. I would leave the door open while we finished our sentence or I would just pause long enough to make sure I didn't slam the door on any of her body parts. Sounds reasonable, right? Not to her. LOL. So, being the jerk that I am, once she brought that to my attention, I switched it up. I opened the door, closed and sprinted around the car to my side and said "Was that quick enough for you?"

2. Say "I'll call you tomorrow" - I guess its supposed to be a given that we'll talk tomorrow. When we are getting off the phone, she feels it unnecessary for me to say that. Perhaps it is, but sometimes I do.


3. Eating, or rather not eating - Sorry, babe. I have horrible eating habits. I eat once a day, and I know you thought that you could fix me, but I've been doing this for almost 20 years. Even when I do make it to 2 a days, it never lasts more than a week. I've tried to change it, but it just doesn't work. She likes to tell people that I don't eat, which is not accurate. I have gone 24 hours without eating before, but I don't think I've done that recently. Plus whenever we are together, I'm gonna eat at least twice, sometimes 3 times a day like a normal person. But when I get back home, I revert to what I know best.


4. Talk like I have a G.E.D - That's what she calls it. I call it just making fun of people around me. People in Atlanta say Collipark (College Park) and East Pernt (East Point). Rapper say funny things on these hood songs. I like to imitate them. I actually can speak the English language, but every now and then I don't and that annoys her.


5. Leave the room - I should clarify. Leaving the room without telling her where I'm going. Or if I tell her where I'm going, not having a good enough reason to leave. It's crazy. When we are at my place, if I leave the room or stop being her (as V Dizzle called me) her man pillow, Jam gets really annoyed. So what if I have clothes in the washer or if I have to see a man about a horse? I can guarantee if I move, I will hear the following phrase: "Where are you going?" Sometimes, its a question, other times its akin to a threat. Like "Nigga, did I say you could move?!?" LOL

6. YouTube rapping - As just about anybody that has talked to me can attest, I speak in lyrics. There's always a hip hop lyric that correlates to what we are discussing. For example, if someone says "They need to get it together", immediately that Jay-Z lyric from Mya's "Best of Me" song pops in my head.

Ma get it together or forget it forever
When I go at you hard I can get it through leather
You actin like Jigga can't get at whoever
Talking you got a man, okay ma, and?
That's high school making me chase you round for months
Have an affair, act like an adult for once...

Okay, so I know that's ridiculous, but then I decide I need to hear that song. And another song that reminds of that one, and then next thing you know, I'm rapping along to all of the songs from that era. Then I you tube it back a few years and listen to some obscure rap song that got played on Rap City three times, yet I know all the lyrics to. I understand that may be annoying, but do I complain when she starts singing Danity Kane or Mariah? Nope! LOL

7. Wear old fubu stuff - Even if she doesn't see it, she gets annoyed with my hoodie. And I had this old FUBU T shirt that I wore when she was here, complete with a hole from a blunt I dropped on it 10 years ago. Truth be told, I just wore it to bother her.


8. Try to manage her time - Okay, this is one that I don't do, but she thinks I do. All I do is take an interest in her school work. If there's a film or a paper due, what's wrong with me asking how far along she is? As much as I may want to manage her time, I don't actually try it. But I'm sure to hear the following phrase if I ask what time she is going to the library: "CAN I MANAGE MY OWN TIME?" I shouldn't really put a question mark on that, because it wasn't a question. It's a statement telling me to back off. I seldom do though. I just wanna know what's going on. Lord knows, that between the two of us, there is no time whatsoever being managed. I don't know which of us is the bigger procrastinator. Anyway, that sentence is sure to annoy her, if she isn't laughing too hard.

9. Not asking the question that I want to know the answer to - I call it conversation, she calls it annoying. The only way I can explain this one is to give an example:

Me: Did you go to the library today?
Her: Yes.. blah, blah, blah.
Me: Did you get a chance to read my blog today?
Her: That's what you wanted to know. How come you didn't just ask that?

See, I wanted to know that, but I also wanted to know the first part. If she didn't go to the library, then I know she didn't read my blog. I don't see anything wrong with following a line of questioning instead of just jumping right to the point. Does this make any sense? Which one of us do you think is right? LOL


10. That I have no friends - I really don't see why this one is a problem. More time for me to spend with her, right? On the real, I've become a self contained unit. I like my own company better than most people's company. Plus, I never disappoint, don't listen or make me go places I don't wanna go. It's seems like a winner to me. It really has to do with the people I've been meeting and hanging out with. They just don't share my same interests, and why should I subliminate my interests to hang out with people that care about other things. I'm perfectly fine with hanging by myself.

11. Avoidance of conflict - Me and my family don't talk about bad stuff. We just prefer to let it fade away. If something is bothering me today, it'll be gone by tomorrow. No need to have hurt feelings too. Jameil can't stand that. She feels I should slap various members of my family. Okay, I'm being bratty. She just feels that we should talk more. I understand, but what works for her fam doesn't work for my fam. It annoys her when I just let things go without talking about them.

12. Book on Tape Voice- She calls it my gay voice. LOL. It's not that at all. When I'm reading her something, which I sometimes have to do with her lack of consistent internet, I sometimes break into a very deliberate, slow paced and emoting voice. It's almost like I do characters when I'm reading. It's funny to me, not so much to her.

13. Over explain who I'm (or she is) talking about - Sometimes, I just need clarity. She knows a lot of people, and I get them confused sometimes. Like she'll mention her line sister, and I'll say Nichole? Or I'll talk about Eric and say, you know Kristie's fiance? It's just for clarity's sake. I get that I don't have that many people in my life, but she has tons of people she knows. They be getting mixed up in my head, yo! I just have to make sure we both are talking about the same person. Do I see it as being annoying? Nah, but it is what it is (that phrase could probably be # 14 if I were to keep going. LOL)

I Just Might Be Crazy

Crazy

That’s me… Why am I crazy this time, you ask? Go ahead and ask...
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I’m glad you asked. I’ll tell you. I’m crazy because I was up until well after the sun came up this morning. What in the world was I doing awake until 8:09 AM, you ask? Again, go ahead and ask…
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Thanks for asking! I was up until 8:09 AM playing around with ITunes. This is what happened. I’ve had the same 806 songs on my iPod for ummm, about 3 months. When Jameil was here the 1st time, she accidentally took my iPod charger with her. She brought it back Thanksgiving, but I’ve been too lazy to go through my thousands of songs and pick new ones to put on there. I only have the 4 gig joint, which is more than enough, but that means I have to switch my music out. Anyway, last night, I decided to give Kanye another chance (I actually like it now that it’s been mastered properly. The bootleg joints I was listening to were pretty annoying), so I downloaded his CD. THEN… I decided to add some more old music from my cd collection. I found my Faith CD that I’ve been looking for for awhile. The Mary J My Life was all scratched up, but then I found my old favorite group from high school: Gang Starr. THEN… as I was importing these, I noticed that a lot of my bootleg mp3s didn’t have the correct information on them. Like they would be missing an artist name, or the wrong album was listed, or the name of the song was just totally wrong. That’s what you get when you don’t actually pay for the songs. Well, I started editing the information. THEN.. I saw that I had duplicates of some songs, so I figured I should go through and delete those to free up more space on my computer… THEN…I noticed I had some stuff in my iTunes that I would never ever listen to, so I deleted those too.

Next thing I know, its 7:30 and I still haven’t picked what songs I was gonna put on my iPod. Since I had to get up in 3 hours, the prudent thing to do would have been to just go to sleep and deal with that tomorrow, but I’ve never been one to be a slave to prudence… In the words of Eric Cartman: Whatever I Do What I Want!!! (That would have been more effective I wasn’t at work, and could link it. I’ll just go ahead scratch out this whole sentence. LOL I really need to go to sleep!) I went through my library and picked about 400 songs, and then couldn’t take it anymore, so I crashed. I knew if I went to my bed, I would never in a million years actually wake up, so I curled up on my loveseat, turned my Netflix instant viewing to a PBS documentary about the Statue of Liberty and fell asleep. Two hours later, my phone started yelling at me to wake up and I somehow managed to wake up and make it to work on time. Crazy, huh?

You may ask why I would do something like this. You know how this works by now… ASK ME!!!
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Well, I’ll tell you. Refer to the title of the post. I’m crazy! Not all the time, but sometimes, I just can’t control the way my brain works. It’s almost like OCD, except I don’t have to go in 5s or 3s. I just can’t stop a task until I’m finished. Anyway, I’ve written enough in this sleep deprived diatribe. I guess I should do some work now. Peace!

The Secretive Cradle Robber Conversation.

Actual Work Conversation.

Cast Of Characters:
Rashan
Dark Skinned White Girl (DSWG) - The white girl that talks like a Vivica A Fox movie character.
Yes, I'm A Lesbian (YIAL) - The woman that likes to offer details about her sexuality even when nobody asks.
Kenyan Like Obama (KLO) - the African that talked about the election every day since the primaries.

DSWG: Was that yo guhl I seent you wit at Gladys Knights? (Chicken N Waffles)

Rashan: Yeah.

DSWG: She was SUPER CUTE!

Rashan: I know. (turns away)

DSWG: I didn't want to interrupt that's why I just waved and ish.

Rashan: Yeah, that's cool.

KLO: You saw Rashan's girlfriend? He really has a girlfriend?

DSWG: MMM-HMM. I seen him and his boo. They were super cute together.

YIAL: I thought she lived in Florida.

Rashan: She does. She was up here for Thanksgiving.

YIAL: Hey, she's younger than you right? She's in college?

Rashan: She's getting her Masters. She's not like an 18 year old. I'm not R Kelly or nothing.

YIAL: But she's a young tenderroni, right?

KLO: Rashan, are you a dirty old man?

DSWG: She looked like she was about my age.

Rashan: She's 26.

YIAL: And how old are you?

Rashan: 34.

YIAL: STOP LYING!! YOU ARE NOT 34!

KLO: He is. I've seen his license. I didn't believe him either.

DSWG: SHAWN W(she always calls me by my first and last name) You that old?

Rashan: Yeah, I'm 34.

YIAL: Go head, player! I like young girls too. My wife is a lot younger than me too.

Rashan: She's not a lot younger.

KLO: Yes, she is! That's how men in Kenya are. They like their women younger.

Rashan: Okay, the Rashan portion of this conversation is over...

DSWG: Daaang...it's like that, boo? He don't never talk about his personal life. I knew him for a year and he ain't never said nothing to me.

KLO: How did you know he had a girlfriend? He never talks about himself.

YIAL: Girrrl, you know how I am. I wanna know something, I'm gonna ask.

DSWG: He don't be telling me nuffin'

Rashan: Anytime you want to change the subject...