People Watching

I should have made my New Year's Resolution to stop talking about people. I have a bad habit of watching people and then laughing about their quirkiness. Case in point, the other day I had to go to an orientation thing at work and the comedy was in abundance. Here are some of the people I saw at work along with some visual aids to let you see what I was seeing in my head.

Animal from the Muppets - I can't take credit for this one. I was actually being good and not verbalizing any of the thoughts I had in my head until my co worker Tanya passed me a note that said "look straight ahead it's Animal from the Muppets." I just about cracked up when I saw this girl. Her hair was intentionally wild and she had white stuff in the corners of her mouth, like she was rabid. She looked a little like this:


Bruce Bruce - Dude had on the oversized suit with about 74 buttons. His hair was processed and he looked like he was half preacher and half pimp with his rings on every finger. Even when he was sitting down, he was breathing hard out of his mouth. I can't even imagine what's gonna happen when he has to walk up all the stairs we got in our building. He looked like this:

k.d. lang - k.d lang introduced itself as John. Come to find out her last name was Johnson and the first name was Carol or something. We really couldn't tell if she was male or female for the first couple of hours. She had on a button up shirt with a blazer and kept touching her crotch, like she was adjusting her testicles. It really was bizarre.



The Gay Thurston Howell III - I don't wanna sound like Isaiah Washington or anything, but this dude was the funniest. He was wearing an nautical jacket with a white button up shirt... and an ascot. I have never really seen anyone wear an ascot in real life. I thought that was only in old black and white movies. He of course had all the stereotypical gay movements down like neck rolling and snapping. The outfit in the picture is almost exactly what he was wearing.



Here are some more observations I made:

Makeup Man - This guy I work with has a bald head and I think he puts makeup on his dome and face. I thought I was the only one who noticed, but Tanya asked me about today. If I wasn't such a punk, I would ask him about it.



Spandex in the Workplace??? - My work environment is business casual, but some people take the casual part to the extreme. I swear this is 100% true...This woman was wearing spandex pants today. I don't even need to say anything else about that.

The Potential Serial Killer - This guy just gives off a vibe that screams I have 13 bodies in the cellar. He is nebbish, and mousy and can't make eye contact to save his or your life. I overheard him talking about his antique knife collection and how well it can take the skin off of anything. He didn't necessarily say people, but of course in my mind that's what he was talking about.

The guy who talks me to death on break - This guy is always telling me ridiculous stories about his sexual conquests as if I gave half a damn. I usually pretend that I'm on the phone when i see him coming but every now and then he will sneak up before I can make my call. His latest story is about how some girl in the office (anonymous girl of course) dissed him at work, but then started stalking him when she saw him in VIP at a club. Now he allegedly made her buy him gifts before he would go out with her. I wanna call him out so bad, but I just let it go because it's not worth the energy. He also told me that I should start pushing up on some of the women in the office because "he has no competition for the bitches and its getting too easy." Clown ass nigga!



So, I know I am clowning the people I work with, but really its all in fun. Not everybody there has issues. There is lots of Eye Candy (Is that a term of degradation? I was told that was disrespectful. I certainly don't mean it to be.) and cool people. But they aren't as entertaining as the weirdos, so that's who I wrote about. I can only imagine what they think of me.