Let's Keep It Real...What's Wrong With You?

Note: Spell check is not working for some reason, so if you notice more errors than usual, I apologize.

"Let's keep it real...What's wrong with you?"



Now, I know that sounds like something I would say, but for once the smartassedness was coming from someone else. Blind Date (I really need to think of a cool blog name for her) asked me that tonight, a little after I posted that sorry excuse for a post yesterday. I talked to her during my lunch trying to get a feel for her. Imagine my surprise when she skipped all the small talk and went for the jugular. I know what's wrong with me, but I don't know if its such a good idea to let her know yet. Lemme at least see her first before I start in on my own personal therapy session. No need for getting all pyromaniac with the bridges before I even meet her.



Let me correct what I just said. I think I know what's wrong with me, but there could be a whole lot more that I don't see. Because I usually remain on good terms with my exes, I've been able to find out some things that I did wrong in the past, so I can correct them in the future. Here are some of the mistakes I've learned about in the course of my relationship postmortems.



I don't give compliments: I've come to realize that this one is true and tried to rectify it One girlfriend told me that every woman likes to hear that they are beautiful. Yep, my bad. As I think back on my past relationships, I can see that I had been neglectful in this area. On the bright side, now that I know, I make a conscious effort to be complimentary.



I'm not affectionate: This is old news. The old Rashan wasn't one for PDA. I was retiscent of being one of those lovey dovey types that make everybody sick. I didn't realize that I could just hold her hand and accomplish the affection goal. I dont have to be extra with it. Now I take the cue from the woman. If she is into it, then I'm down. If she is one of those private types, I'm all for that.



I don't respond well to ultimatums: True again. I don't respond well to ultimatums. I feel that is the single most ridiculous thing that women do. Either I do ____ or you will do ____. You can't force someone to do what you want them to do. They should either do it because they want to, or because they realize that it will make you happy. Either way, the decision must be theirs, or to be more accurate, mine. Ultimatums will often backfire with me. I'll usually choose to do the opposite of what is requested of me. It's not done intentionally, but it's done nonetheless. I can't be forced into anything. I know all about compromise, and I can do that in a relationship, but it needs to be my choice to compromise, otherwise it cant truly be considered to be a compromise, rather bowing down to threats.



I am too nonchalant: I've been told that I don't show enough emotions. That I sometimes seem like I don't care. That I can turn my emotions on and off on cue. I don't know how to fix this one. I have an icebox where my heart used to be. I'm guarded. I'm defensive. I refuse to get hurt anymore. So, maybe that does make me nonchalant. If I do care, for the most part, I'm not gonna show it until its shown to me. That dreaded L word shall nary cross my lips again, until I'm sure that its mutual. No putting me in a submissive position. But given my history, I know when the right one comes around, I'll go at it full blast in hopeless romantic mode again.



I don't remember the little things: I got this one covered. I used to be the guy that would only give flowers on birthdays, or cards on Valentines day. I got the message loud and clear from one of my exes. She told me that it doesn't have to be anything extravagant, just let me know that you are thinking of me, every now and again. I'm all good with this one now, but I guess it's easy to say it when I don't have to put it to practice now, what with the perpetual singleness and all, but I figured out that this is a necessary tool for keeping women happy.



I don't let people in: I vehemently disagree with this one. Anytime I'm in a relationship, the woman knows everything there is to know about me. In fact I sometimes feel self conscious about sharing so much. I can listen to you all day long, but when it comes to talking about me, I am uncomfortable. I don't know what I think she is gonna do with the information, but the vulnerability factor perplexes me. That being said, I still think I let people in, but if in fact I dont, that would be the reason.



I don't make decisions: I guess I have in the past not stepped up and made decisions in the relationship. There's that compromise thing again. Put me anywhere and I'm gonna be good. I have deferred to the woman in many cases, just because I'm not that particular, and they are. Apparently, I should put my foot down every now and then. But I just want to keep the peace. For example, if we are going out to eat, and she asks where I wanna go, I'll come up with something. But if she doesn't want to go there, it wont be a pleasant experience. So why not just skip the part where she pretends to go along with me, while complaining about every aspect of the dinner. Let's just go where you want to go. I'll be fine either way. I can get a steak or some pasta anywhere. Why should we even go through the charade? To me this is a catch 22 situation. Either be decisive and risk having a terrible time or do what she wants and risk being considered a pushover.



I'm just a smart ass: If you've read the blog more than once you know that is never going to change. I just have to find someone who isn't so sensitive. I will not change this, as its an integral part of who I am. If you like Rashan, you have to be prepared for a smart comment now and again. I'm not trying to be mean. It's just a joke, baby! Calm down! Matter fact, fire a joke back at me. That's sexy as hell to me. I woman who can shrug off my smart mouth and then throw it back at me? Sign me up for one of those!



I have too many female friends: Yeah, so what? I like women, they like me. Just because we are friends doesn't mean anything else is popping off. "No reason to be insecure/or immature/baby girl see the world is yours" - "Big Girl" - Nas- 1999. I do have female friends, but they always know who comes first. My girl will always come before my friends. There's no debate about that. In fact whenever I start dating/talking to someone new, I'm gonna go MIA for a minute. I've told my friends as much. Don't expect to see me for a while. I'll get at you when the honeymoon phase wears off. The female friends will not be a problem for me...anymore.



I keep things inside: I don't think so. I just have a Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy. I'm not one for just complaining about things that I can't change. Therefore, I keep little problems to myself. It's not intentionally keeping things from the woman, it just doesn't seem worth the effort of telling her every time someone gets on my nerves at work, or every time some new girl tries to holla at me. What does it accomplish for you to know all that? She'll end up stressing worse than me, which by proxy makes me stress about something that I wasn't really stressing in the first place. Nah mean? I promise anything major in my life, she will know about it. But the little things are not worth the hassle. I'm not being secretive, I'm just not sweating the smal stuff.



Those are some of the things that are or were wrong with me. I think I've learned a great deal, and will do things differently if/when given a chance. I may have a lot of other things wrong with me that my exes didn't identify. Who knows, but I thank them that they gave me some things to work on. I didn't return the favor though. Don't ask, Don't tell: that's my policy! Remember? If they don't ask me what they could do better, I'm sure not gonna volunteer it. As far as Blind Date is concerned, my answer was a little elusive, a little mysterious, but 100% Rashan.



"Wouldn't it be more fun for to discover that yourself?"