Filler

So a funny thing happened on the way to writing my latest post. I got sidetracked by the content and decided to wait on it. But since I promised I would post every day, here is a filler tag. I stole this off some random blogger's page. I'll be back to the Illmatic series tomorrow with One Love. If you are looking for something with a little more substance, just scroll down and read my last few posts. Those were pretty creative, unlike this generic tag. Sorry for the inconvenience.

38 things about me that you may or may not want to know.

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night? Myself. I crack myself up sometimes. I am currently experimenting on how mean I can be to potential stalker before she leaves me alone.
2. What were you doing at 0800? Just going to sleep
3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Writing the post I was supposed to write before I realized I didn't have the energy.
4. What happened to you in 2006? Wow. Vague question. Just read the archives
5. What was the last thing you said out loud? That's my shit!!! I was listening to some Isaac Hayes on the iPod.
6. How many beverages did you have today? Starting at midnight? Some Ginger Ale, Some guava-pineapple juice and a whole bunch of water
7. What color is your hairbrush? Brown
8. What was the last thing you paid for? The previous mentioned bottle of ginger ale.
9. Where were you last night? Went to work, came home
10. What color is your front door? Black
11. Where do you keep your change? In my pocket, in the cushions of the couch and in an old eyeglass case in the car. Weird, I know
12. What’s the weather like today? Dry, and alternating between nice and cold-ish.
13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor? I like Vanilla
14. What excites you? Music makes me high
15. Do you want to cut your hair? It's time for a cut now, lets see if I can wake up in time to get it done.
16. Are you over the age of 25? Yep, I'll be 33 in 12 days.
17. Do you talk a lot? I'm more of a listener. In fact I get self conscious when I talk a lot.
18. Do you watch the O.C.? Does that still come on? Okay, I'll admit I did watch the first 1 and half seasons.
19. Do you know anyone named Steven? I got a cousin named Steven. And one of my friends has a baby daddy named Steven that if I ever meet, is getting his ass kicked.
20. Do you make up your own words? All the time. My newest made up word: T.Painadelic used to describe something that sucks.
21. Are you a jealous person? I am extremely un-jealous to a fault. People think I don't care, because I don't show jealousy
22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter "M" - Why M? PhD's real name starts with M.
23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’. - Kristie
24. Who’s the first person on your received call list? Since my phone is broken again, and not currently accepting incoming calls, this is from last week. My nephew Tarik is the first one.
25. What does the last text message you received say? "Am I one of the crazies, or the stalkers?!"
26. Do you chew on your straw?Yes. and ice and pens and my t-shirt and anything else that comes in the vicinity of my mouth.
27. Do you have curly hair? Not at the moment. If I let my hair grow out it will either be curly or wavy.
28. Where’s the next place you’re going to? Hopefully to the land of dreams. It's about that time.
29. Who’s the rudest person in your life? That would be me, Chuck. But its all part of an experiment. I'm not really rude all the time.
30. What was the last thing you ate? MMM. Spinach and Feta Cheese Turkey Burger I made the other day. That joint was delicious.
31. Will you get married in the future? I vacillate on this one. I honestly don't know. I would like to.
32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks? Last 2 weeks? 2 completely different movies: Transformers and Talk To Me.
33. Is there anyone you like right now? I like everybody, until they get on my nerves.
34. When was the last time you did the dishes? Tonight.
35. Are you currently depressed? I'm good. No depression here.
36. Did you cry today? Almost... I got to thinking about some stuff with my post I was trying to write and I felt it coming on, but I manned up. (You'll see why tomorrow, unless I change the concept of the post)
37. Why did you answer and post this? Because I didn't finish my real post and I promised to post everyday this month.
38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey. I don't tag people. Do it if you want.

Memory Lane (Sittin' In Da Park)

True in the game, as long as blood is blue in my veins/ I pour my Heineken brew to my deceased crew on memory lane


Track 6: Memory Lane (Sittin' In Da Park)


This should have been the easiest post for me to write, but for some reason it became the hardest. The title "Memory Lane" lends itself quite nicely to one of my stories about the craziness of my past, but I think I may be tapped out. I couldn't think of any other stories that I haven't already shared. I've told you all about my dirt, my wild Savannah experiences, and growing up. What more can I say? I'm sure as soon as I finish this post, something will come to me and I'll regret that my long term memory finally failed me. But while we are on the subject, let's talk about memory.



Can memory really play tricks on you? For me, I know that it does. I tend to see the past through rose tinted glasses sometimes. I can remember stuff that happened a long time ago very fondly, whereas at the time I probably wasn't viewing it so positively. Is it just natural to see the past as "the good old days?" I thought about that as I remembered this story. My nostalgia makes it seem like it was the most dramatic (in a good way) time ever, or perhaps that's just the writer in me. Anyway, let's take a trip down "Memory Lane" when she and I were "Sittin' In Da Park."



She and I.. sitting in the park. Not a care in the world except what movie we would go see on Saturday night. Her with her biology textbooks, me with some masterpiece of English literature that I was supposed to be reading. We would sit for hours staring at the lake, in between chapters of academia. Hardly a word crossed our lips as she sat between my legs and I stroked her hair. Class let out at 11, and the next one wasn't until 2. So we sat in the park, communing with nature, stealing kisses, and pretending to study. Walking around the fountain hand in hand reciting sonnets with our eyes. Young love in full bloom.
THE ACTUAL FOUNTAIN IN DAFFIN PARK


She and I... sitting in the park. Worrying about final exams and car insurance. Her with her Physiology textbooks, me with my book of rhymes. I had long since given up the pretext that I was actually studying. We would sit for hours staring at each other, in between bites of Popeye's Chicken and gulps of Mystic juice. We talked more then, talked about our fears, our dreams, what was to come. Class let out at noon, and the next one was at 2:00. Less time to spend with each other, but more intellectual conversation. She challenged my mind, that's one of the reasons I loved spending time with her. We didn't feel the need for public displays anymore. Our love had matured.
THE PATH WE WALKED


She and I...sitting in the park. Graduation was upon us. I was taking 2 classes, she was taking a full load. Temporary worry lines painted fault lines upon her face. I, carefree and aloof sat there restless. We sat there for hours, she with her MCAT study guide, me with a Source magazine. We didn't really talk, but my presence was required. I, fidgeting and squirming, her not paying me any attention. I, wondering what was going on in the student center, her not wanting me to leave. Less than lovers, more than friends we sat in the park growing apart. To her, the park was pristine, relaxing even inspiring. To me, the park was stifling, boring and full of bugs. We didn't look at each other the same way anymore. We both knew that love had been replaced by co-dependency. We needed each other, although we didn't necessarily want each other. We liked each other, but it wasn't necessarily love. We loved each other, but we weren't necessarily in love.
OUR SPOT (Or one that looks just like it)

I alone...sitting in the park. A symbol of a relationship gone on too long. Emblematic of a love too young to be so serious. I sat in "our spot" and re-read her letter. She was doing fine in Virginia, and I was doing fine in Savannah. That's when I knew it was over. Her words betrayed the fact that she didn't miss me, and I didn't miss her either. Well, maybe a little, but not like we should have missed each other after seeing each other every day for three years. It used to tug at our heartstrings when we spent the weekend apart, now she was gone for a month and a half, and I was okay. I knew that our time had come to an end, but was afraid to verbalize it, afraid to lose my first love, afraid to prove my mother right, but most of all, afraid that she would not be okay, which is what I cared about more than anything in the world.



She and I...traveling in two disparate paths. Denying the inevitable, replaying the memories of our park. Always holding a place in each other's hearts, albeit as supporting characters, instead of the leading role.

(Stupid scanner won't work, so I couldn't post the picture of us. We looked-ed good together at graduation. LOL)



Next Up: Track 7: One Love

Halftime

Nas, why did you do it?/You know you got the mad fat fluid/when you rhyme, it's halftime.

Track 5: Halftime

I'm still posting everyday, even on Saturday and Sunday. I know alot of people don't read blogs on the weekend, so if you missed yesterdays joint, just scroll on down to the previous post.

You know how in sports at halftime, the coach will give a pep talk to inspire his team? Tonight I gave myself my own version of the halftime speech. Just reminding myself of what I need to do to be successful in a certain aspect of my life. Take a look at my split personality at work...


Coach T. Casanova: Rashan, I brought you in my office to talk to you about some things.

Rashan: Aww, coach! This isn't one of your pep talks again, is it?

Coach C: Indeed it is. Now I know you think you don't respond well to these, but I've been seeing some areas of improvement we need to focus on. Sit down, and let me holla at you for a minute.

Rashan: C'mon coach. I've been doing much better. Can't you just give me some credit for that?

Coach C: You are the team captain, and I cannot accept mediocrity from you. You have been stepping up, but your efforts have not been nearly good enough. Do I need to remind you that we are losing?

Rashan: Nah, I see that. But it ain't all my fault. I feel like I'm getting singled out.

Coach C: It is your responsibility to motivate the team. And its mine to motivate you. You might as well stop griping because you are gonna hear me out whether you like it or not.

Rashan: Okay, lets get this over with.

Coach C: What's going on with you and the ladies? I thought we talked about this before. You are getting too old to be so complacent.

Rashan: Well, see, what had happened was...

Coach C: Let me stop you there. Cuz I already know what you are going to say. I don't wanna hear that bullshit about Social Anxiety Disorder. You talked to PhD, didn't you? You didn't run from her.

Rashan: Well, you see how well that turned out. I haven't even talked to her in a while.

Coach C: Have you called her? Or are you just waiting for her to call you?

Rashan: She's just too busy. I don't wanna interrupt her studies. Getting her doctorate is very important to her. I don't wanna get in her way.

Coach C: I can respect that. But why haven't you tried to get with anyone else? I'm not saying you have to marry them, but you can at least take someone out on a date.

Rashan: C'mon, coach. You know as well as I do that I only attract crazy. Like old girl at the job. She gets mad if she even sees me talk to another female, platonic or otherwise.

Coach C: I don't accept that excuse. I will admit that you have had your share of crazies in your life. But for every crazy, there's a normal woman out there that you never got the chance to meet, because you are not applying yourself.

Rashan: But..

Coach C: But nothing! Honestly, how many women have you tried to engage in conversation over the last few months.

Rashan: Well, none. But...

Coach C: But nothing! You miss 100% of shots you never take.

Rashan: So, you gonna hit me with cliches now?

Coach C: Only when they are appropriate. You can't just wait for them to come to you. You have to put yourself out there. I've been telling you that since high school.

Rashan: It works though. They do approach me sometimes. Just not lately. I'm just in a slump, that's all.

Coach C: Ask yourself this: Of the women that have approached you, how many of them would fit into the stalker/crazy category?

Rashan: Shit, you right! Those do tend to be the most possessive, controlling ones.

Coach C: Damn right, I'm right! And I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. It's time to cut out that shy shit and be a man.

Rashan: Hold up, bruh! Don't be questioning my manhood.

Coach C: No, that's not what I'm saying at all. I am really proud of you for how you have stepped up for your family. And how you go to work every day even though you hate it. I would never say that you aren't a man, but in this aspect, you got put up some more shots. And don't just be going for the easy layups, either.

Rashan: So you saying don't call old girl from the old job? I'm saying, I could call right now and get you off my back.

Coach C: See, now you are confusing things. I'm not talking about getting easy sex. I'm talking about getting someone you can spend some time with. You know someone that you would respect and possibly build with. I know you have no way of knowing until you try, but, Rashan, you have no way of knowing until you try! Nah, mean?

Rashan: I think I do. Basically you saying that I gotta kiss some frogs and shit.

Coach C: Hell yeah!

Rashan: I feel you, coach. I really do. In fact its like your thoughts and my thoughts are the same. I've given that some thought, but I'm getting to old to just be dating.

Coach C: You gonna make me repeat myself? You will never know if she is the right one unless you take her out on some dates, get to know her, and see if you are compatible. You trying to skip the process and that won't work. It's like you're just throwing up the first open 3 pointer. You have to work within the scheme, pass the rock around, then you get the high percentage shot.

Rashan: Nice sports metaphor. I really do understand.

Coach C: Son, this whole conversation is a metaphor.

Rashan: Right, Right.

Coach C: So are you onboard? Can I count on you to get your head back in the game?

Rashan: I want to, coach. I really do. I just don't know if those moves are in my repertoire. I mean, I'm the master of the crossover. I can make the girls think I'm going one way, and then go the other, but as far as working within the offense I just don't know. Any advice?

Coach C: Oh, I see you are using metaphors now too. Nice... But let me tell you this. Your problem is will, not skill. You have to be willing to do the work. You have to be willing to not take a no so damn personally, that it causes you to foul out of the game.

Rashan: Aiight!

Coach C: You gotta apply all the lessons I have taught you, otherwise I'm just wasting my breath. We can talk about this until we are blue in the face, but unless you actually run the play, all the coaching in the world isn't gonna help you.

Rashan: So what do you want me to do?

Coach C: First of all, I need you to get up out the house. I didn't say anything last weekend when you lounged around all weekend, but again this week? That's just ridiculous. Didn't you have people who wanted you to go out with them?

Rashan: Yeah, but I just didn't feel like going anywhere.

Coach C: Do you think you are gonna meet people sitting around in your drawers? Seriously, man get up, take a shower, shave and just go out. I know you don't do clubs, but there are chill spots all over Atlanta, where you can meet like minded ladies.

Rashan: Uh-huh. Next weekend, I promise. I'm already supposed to hang out on Friday. Maybe I'll come with something for Saturday too.

Coach C: That's a start, but I need you to do something else for me.

Rashan: What's up!?!?

Coach C: Talk to people. You don't realize it, but people really are interested in you. You have a unique mindset and people respond to that. You just have to let your intellect shine. Let your wordplay shine. Shine, nigga, shine!

Rashan: That's Wu-Tang right? "No Hooks?" That joint they did with Shaq?

Coach C: Yeah, sorry about that. Sometimes I'll just bust out with rap lyrics without knowing it. But you get my point. Next weekend, I expect you to score. I'm not worried about your shooting percentage. I want you to keep shooting until you make a basket. Can you do that for me?

Rashan: Yep, I'm down. Hey, coach? Thanks for the pep talk. I actually feel much better now.

Coach C: I knew that you would. We are the same, ya know? That's how I know what you need, better than you even know it yourself. Now get out there and have a strong second half. Don't make me pull out the Hoosiers quotes on you, cuz I'll do it.

Rashan: At least it ain't Rudy. God, I hate those inspirational movies. They are just so lame.

Coach C: Hey, man whatever works! Aiight, halftime is over. Let's get back to it. Can I get Team Rashan on three?

Rashan: Dawg, its just you and me in here. That would look kinda crazy.

Coach C: Just humor me, will ya?

Rashan and Coach: 1,2,3... Team Rashan!!!

Next Up: Track 6: Memory Lane (Sittin' In Da Park)

The World Is Yours

Whose world is this?/The world is yours, the world is yours/ It's mine, it's mine, it's mine/ Whose world is this?/ "It's yours!"/ It's mine, it's mine, it's mine /Whose world is this?

Track #4: The World Is Yours

I started to hold this one until Monday, since nobody really reads blogs on the weekend, but then I remembered that Monday is a holiday, so they won't be reading anyway. Long story short, here's today's post.

Dear God,

I know the world is Yours. I wholeheartedly respect that. And I don't want to seem disrespectful in any way, but I have some questions. Why is the world like this? Why are we always going to war or killing our kids or just generally hating each other? I like to think that because You gave us free will, all of the problems of the world are because of us. But Your representatives always rebuff this thought. They say that You work in mysterious ways and that I shouldn't question. They give You the glory for the good and blame the d'evil for the bad. They tell me that everything happens for a reason, and I while I get what they are saying, I'm not too sure I agree.

For instance, why would it be in Your will to have Your people suffer through over 400 years of slavery and even after the evil institution is over, still suffer merely because of the color of their skin. Or how could You intend for 6 million people to die in a holocaust perpetuated by evil men using Your name. Or even on a smaller scale, what part of Your plan makes a man take a perverted sexual interest in an innocent child? Things like this I don't understand. Again, I mean no disrespect at all, but if what the church says is true, You created me to be inquisitive, so I'm sure You understand.

Here's what I think. I think You gave man dominion over the earth and quite simply, we are messing up. We have been for generations and we will for generations to come. I think man's capacity for destruction is a choice that You have allowed us to make. You have told us how to please You, but whether or not we do is up to us. To me that makes more sense than to think that tragedy is a part of Your plan. I know it makes it easier for the families of victims to cope, but in reality, God, it is mankind that is responsible for the ills of the world.

Am I off base? I pray that You would let me know if I'm on the wrong track. I pray that You will correct my path if I'm going astray. I know I haven't always lived up to Your Commandments, but I'm trying to be a good man. You already know this, but my disdain for the church, has nothing at all to do with You, and everything to do with the people who claim to be Your representatives' hypocrisy. You know my heart, and I just ask these questions to become closer to You. The world is Yours and I'm just trying to find my place.

Your Loving Son,

Rashan Jamal


P.S. - Two more questions for You? If a soldier dies in combat right after killing an enemy, does he go to hell? And how do You feel about these preachers using Your name and word to get rich? Thanks, God. I look forward to Your response.

Next Up: Track 5: Halftime

We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Program

I know I'm supposed to be posting the next part of the Illmatic series, but I have to postpone that to talk about some ill shit that happened last night. A cab driver was murdered in my apartment complex last night, and I may have seen it if I didn't stay at work running my mouth. I was coming home from work and after making a couple of stops, I rolled into the parking lot. I saw a taxi mini-van posted up against the gate separating my complex from the adjoining one. There was another car in the middle of the road, partially blocking the way. I maneuvered around them and went to my crib not giving it a second thought. The time was 2:05.

Around 4, I turned on the computer to tweak my next post and check my email. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw some blue lights flashing through the living room window. I peeked out said window and saw a cop car. Again, I didn't give too much thought to it. I assumed someone just was getting a ticket or perhaps there was a domestic dispute. Next thing I know, I see red lights from an ambulance and yellow lights from a tow truck. I decided that I would get my Scooby gang on and go outside and investigate.

I ventured out in the 30 degree weather and walked around the corner and what I saw shocked me. A parade of DeKalb County police cars with flashing lights surrounded the area where the taxi was idling earlier. Yellow crime scene tape cordoned off the area. I got closer, but not so close that I would draw attention to myself. The final straw was when I saw the Medical Examiners Van pull up and remove something (I think it was the body) from the van. Shit, the cab driver was dead.

I walked closer and asked an officer what happened. He told me that there was a murder and asked if I heard anything. I told him I didn't, but I did see the taxi crashed against the gate when I got home. I told him about the car I saw in the middle of the road. Turns out they called 911 and got the cops there. He took down my information and I went stood outside a little longer as they put the taxi on a flatbed tow truck, covered it in a tarp that said "Medical Examiner's Office", and drove away. By this time the news crews were already on the scene, so I decided to go inside and find out more.

Damn, I need to move away from here. In the year since I moved to this side of town, I have driven by a murder victim, saw a shooting at the gas station outside my complex, heard about a shooting at the Waffle House next to the same gas station and saw a fire right across the gate from my building. I think its time to abandon this cheap(er) rent experiment and go find me a nice crib by some white people again. It's messed up that it has to be that way, but like I am prone to say...it is what it is.

Anyway, here is a link to the news story. I'll holla later. Gotta hit up Craig's List for a new place to live.

We now take you back to our regularly scheduled program, already in progress...

Life's A Bitch

Life's a bitch and then you die; that's why we get high/Cause you never know when you're gonna go/ Life's a bitch and then you die; that's why we puff lye/Cause you never know when you're gonna go

Track 3: Life's a Bitch

Okay, I don't know how I feel about this one. I wrote it out and deleted it like 5 times before I just decided fuck it. Either you feel it or you don't. I freestyled this into my phone on the way home from work. The beat in my head was "Roc Boys" off that new Jay-Z album. I listened to it when I got home and made some tweaks so it could be 16 bars, but for the most part its off the top of the dome. It's been awhile since I actually had a coherent freestyle when I was sober, so here it is. If you think its wack, I can respect that, but if you feeling it, go on and hit me up in the comments.

Life's A Bitch (freestyle)

They say that Life is a bitch, and then you die
Have you ever taken a second to ask yourself why?
Why niggas always struggling succumbing to stress
Anesthetize with liquor, Newports and sess
We do what we do in a quest to get high
Escape from our reality, just to get by
While some try to hustle, some just give up
Consider suicide when the rainbow's enuf
Well, if you ask me I gotta let you know
If Life is a bitch, then that bitch's my hoe
I'm a put her on the stroll, she'll be sweeter than honey
Hollerin' bout "Bitch better have my money."
and if Life is a bitch, I'm a pimp her out
Doesn't matter what you and I lament about
See, Life is what you make it, it is what is
For some it's their job, for other's it's their kids
For some it's their God, for others it's their family
Whatever gets you through it, maintain your sanity.
Do what you gotta do to live your life
Cuz you really gonna miss that bitch when you die
I know life can be hard when the stress starts attacking
And you wonder why life is such a bitch when your Black and
Your pockets on a diet and you need to get paid
These girls steady tripping and you need to get laid
And you might be afraid of what's next to come
And the negativity be straight vexing some
What you really oughta do is just look her in her eyes
And say "Bitch, you can't break me. I'm running this life"
Be surprised how your outlook can change in a second, B
Control your own life, and make your own destiny.
They say that life is a bitch and then you die
Well stop calling her a bitch, cuz that bitch is my life.


Next Up: Track 4: The World Is Yours

NY State Of Mind

It drops deep as it does in my breath/I never sleep, cause sleep is the cousin of death/Beyond the walls of intelligence, life is defined/I think of crime when I'm in a New York state of mind

Track 2: NY State of Mind

(This was written under the influence of Benadryl, so excuse me if it seems rambling.)

February 1st, 1986: Spring Valley, New York

The day of reckoning was upon me. I had known for months that I was leaving NY. All my stuff was packed, all goodbyes had been said, nothing left to do but hop a plane and head down south. I was 11 years old and flying dolo on Delta. I can't remember why, but my mom, sister and brother weren't coming until the next week. I also can't remember what airport I went to, but I do remember that it was snowing. I had the red and black lumberjack with the hat to match, (that's the truth, not just stealing Biggie lyrics) and I was carrying my boombox. In the deck, I had UTFO's first album. I had the vinyl, but I had just recently converted over to a Maxell cassette tape. In the pockets of my bomber jacket, I had other tapes, mostly stuff I recorded off the radio including "Rock The Bells", a song I was obsessed with. After a brief layover in Charlotte, I arrived in Savannah, Georgia and was greeted by my grandmother. The first thing I noticed was the heat. Son, it was 85 degrees down there and I was rocking the lumberjack and long johns. For real, the game switched up on me for real. I was in for a major culture shock...

Growing up as a Yankee in the south, I kept my NY State of Mind. I proudly proclaimed "I'm from New York!" when asked where I came from. Sadly that didn't mean too much to the other kids at DeRenne Middle School. I was an outsider, but for the most part I didn't mind. Besides, I didn't really understand half of what these kids were saying anyway. Their southern slang was so much different than my northern slang. When I would say something was "def" they would look at me like "huh?" or when they said they were gonna "box me" I didn't know until too late that meant I was about to be hit. I'm playing, nobody ever hit me. But you get the point, we were just different. I would say "youknowwhatI'msaying" after every one of my sentences, and they would say "Iknowdatright" after every one of theirs. Eventually, I learned how to communicate with them and incorporate the down south talk with my New York talk.

There were times where my NY State of Mind got me out of trouble. For example, in 7th grade, I had invested in a candy selling biz with a classmate. I was the financing, and he was the salesman. I should put his myspace page up here to put him on blast, but I wont do that, although if you go to my page and look for the only guy on there, you'll know who I'm talking about. LOL .Anyway, one day we were in the gym taking a standardized test (not sure why we did this in the gym) when some other kids started stealing the candy out of homeboys book bag. Son, they were messing with my money, so I had to step in. I'll be damned if 4 of the meanest, most delinquent ass teenagers at the school wanted to fight me over some candy. They caught me and Fred outside at lunch. I was holding on to the bag and refusing to back down. Fred literally left me holding the bag (although he denies that he jetted on me). I couldn't punk out though, I'm from New York. I don't play that shit. Thank God my bravado worked. Them fools actually thought that I could fight. My NY State of Mind got me through that one.

As I got older, I maintained that NY swagger. I walked like I saw the rappers walk on Yo! MTV raps. I emulated the slang I heard in the hip hop music. I rocked the baggy jeans like I saw the New York cats wear. Remember when Africa medallions and X hats were big? I had them joints. You couldn't tell me I wasn't still from New York. I tried to turn brothers on to that NY hip hop. You could find me rocking my GangStarr tape, or my PE, or Tribe Called Quest, or some Boogie Down Productions. When they would ask me why I listen to that crap, I would proudly proclaim "I'm from New York, boyeeee!!!" Even down south, I kept that NY State of Mind throughout high school. But then something happened that changed all of that...

I went to college and met people from all over the country. I realized that I don't really like some people from NY. I mean, I liked the idea of them, but the actual people were kind of... annoying. I mean, they were cocky and rude and arrogant. Always talking about how shit was gully (what da hell does that word mean anyway? I missed the memo on gully) in New York. And everybody I met from NY had a tough guy act that I was beginning to be able to see through. It was like they were herbs up north, but came down to Savannah and acted like they ran the projects. Half them cats never even saw the projects. I wondered, is that what I sounded like all those years ago when I moved from New York? Did my NY State of Mind turn me into an arrogant jerk that thought I was better than everybody else? I think it did.

So now when people ask me where I'm from, I don't yell out "I'm from New York, kid!!" That was 21 years ago; I can't claim that anymore. But occasionally I still have my NY State of Mind moments, particularly when I'm listening to some horrible rap song inflicted on my ears by a Southern artist. I'll find myself thinking "We don't do it like that in NY. We actually write lyrics" before catching myself. I'm not from NY, and some NY cats (cough Jim Jones cough) are just as wack as these ATL cats. Besides, my man Rakim told me back in 87, that "it ain't where you from it's where you at", nahmean?

Next Up: Track 3: Life's A Bitch