Whatever Happened to Truth Hurts?

Whatever happened to Truth Hurts? Remember she had that song "Addictive" and was on Dr. Dre's record label, then released another album with Raphael Saadiq? Where the hell has she been? Before you start thinking that was just another random question left over from my last post, I mention "Truth Hurts" for a reason. That's one of those over used cliches, but it's really applicable when it comes to my life. So, in the interest of (semi) full disclosure, here is the truth... I don't know how to relate on a friendship level. I've had several conversations in the past week about friendship, and I've drawn the conclusion that I am a terrible friend sometimes, and I probably will always be. I say that because although I can see that my words and/or actions are hurting people's feelings, I don't have any desire to change.

First Conversation: I don't want to share all my personal shit with other people. I think it's partly because I am a private person (BTW, I know that is a contradiction for someone who blogs). It's also partly because I don't like to be in a vulnerable position. Consequently, I don't always share when I'm going through something. Finally, I think I just don't trust people to handle it properly. If I need to talk about something, it's really just to get it out of my system, it's not because I need you to fix it, or that I'm going to ask you for a favor. The times when I've shared my inner most personal problems in the past, I've been burned. Either I wasn't taken seriously, or people weren't there for me like they said they would be, or even worse. I have adopted a fool me once, shame on you, fool me five times, shame on me philosophy. If it makes it any better, I am an excellent listener, even if I don't talk.

Second Conversation: My blog gets me into trouble. I have to walk a fine line between revealing my feelings and self censoring to avoid hurting other peoples feelings. Friends seem to like it when I tell it all, unless they recognize themselves in something I write. Then its "I can't believe you told them that." Or if I take the other approach and leave information out, then they don't feel important. I can't please them all either way, so I just have to do me and say what I want to say, and not say what I don't want to say. Which leads me to my point: I have alienated two friends with one post. In my last post, I had a sentence with a edited thought. It was just one of many sentences in the post, but the one that both of these women chose to key in on. They wanted to know what I was talking about, but I didn't want to tell them. It was a private thought that was not for public consumption, otherwise I would have just typed it out and not gone through the trouble of disguising it. Apparently, that's not something that friends do. Friends are supposed to tell each other everything. Well, I can't do it. If that makes me a bad friend, then so be it. Never mind that each of these women have secrets of their own that I'm sure they don't go around telling all their friends and family. If I wanted to tell you, then I would have. It's as simple as that.

Third Conversation: I have a slick mouth. Everybody knows that. I also am a stubborn person. Everybody knows that too. It maybe a cop out, but it is what is. I am who I am. In the face of ultimatums, I'm not going to respond the way you want me to. I don't have that compromise gene in me. I mean, I'll compromise for my woman, but if you aren't that, then you don't get that side of me. Remember, I'm always right even when I'm wrong. While I can understand where other people come from, ultimately, I am going to do me. Even when I try my damnedest not to say something, it eventually will come out. I will bring up old shit or make the smart comment to illustrate my point, I will tell you that this is the way its gonna be, and if you don't like it, then you need to not call me anymore. I can acknowledge that that is not the best way to sustain a friendship, but that is the way that it is, the truth.

Even as I type this, I already can predict what's going to happen. Let me get my Miss Cleo on for a minute: I'll get 3 or 4 text messages asking who I'm talking about. I'll get a hurt phone call at around 10:30 AM telling me not to do it like that. I'll get an angry phone call around 12:30 pm calling me a mean fucker. And I won't be remorseful or sorry that I wrote this. It was necessary. Because the truth hurts... and the truth is I'm an asshole sometimes, and there's nothing any of us can do about it. If you can look past that, I'll be the best friend you'll ever have.