The Barber Chronicles

I could make this a semi regular series. It's really difficult to find a barber that I like. Either they are just mediocre, or they don't show up on time, or they have you sit in the chair forever while they argue about whose booty is fattest or which wack rapper is the best. I miss the good old days in Savannah, when I had a standing Tuesday appointment with Duane at Holmes Barbershop on Montgomery Ave. He used to not show up on time, but at least his apartment was close enough that I didn't have to wait for him to drive across town to cut my hair. Plus, he knew how to cut my hair, and once he finally showed up, he was efficient.

Anyway, its been a while since I got my haircut, so on Saturday, I went to get that handled. I stopped at an ATM to get some cash, and as I was driving back to the spot where I normally go, I saw a barber shop that I never saw before. I've been looking for a new spot, because the last couple of times I went to my usual shop, had new barbers that did not do a very good job. One guy's clippers were too sharp and cut my face, the other one just seemed to have no clue what he was doing. Add to that the other barbers that are competent weren't there, and I was about through with them. Back to the point... I decided to give this shop a chance.

I walked in and there were only two barber chairs, and three women stylists in another room. I saw the two barbers. One was an older gentleman, conservatively in his mid 50's. He had someone in his chair. The other was a younger guy, maybe in his late 20's. I was glad that the younger guy was available. No offense, but from my experience, older barbers tend to do what they want with your hair, as opposed to what you want. I sat down, and told the guy what I wanted. I was gonna keep some of the hair on top that had been growing over the last month. He repeated what I wanted, but didn't get it right. I lost confidence that he would do what I wanted him to do. With my texture of hair, its pretty much a hit or miss thing, so I decided I would play it safe and just have him cut it low. He seemed to understand that pretty well, so I sat back and let him get to work. I heard the older barber talking..

"Take the one blade all the way back."

I didn't pay it any attention. I figured he was talking to himself. But it soon hit me that he was actually telling the other barber what to do. I was like why is the old man being so nosy? Cut your own customer's hair. All that was in my mind of course. After all my locks were on the floor, I heard him talking again.

"Tape up the front."

Wait... Am I getting my hair cut by an amateur? Does this guy not know what the bleep he is doing? All I wanted to do was look at my hair, but since I am blind with out my glasses, I couldn't see what it looked like in the mirror. I nervously sat there as he shaped up the goatee and sideburns. I already worked it out in my head. If he messes up the facial hair, I can fix that, but he better not mess up my hair. All the while, the older barber is giving him instructions. I was like please hurry up and let me out of where. Did I mention that it was taking forever. Finally, he was finished. Or so I thought. I put on my glasses and looked in the mirror and noticed that my tape was not even close to being right.

"Can you tighten up that tape?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna do that in just a minute with the razor."

Dammit, man! This neophyte is actually gonna come at me with a sharp razor? I don't really want him to do that, but I still got too many loose hairs on my face and hairline. I guess I'll let him do it. He puts some shaving gel on my face and then starts looking around. The old guy speaks again...

"You need to have your hot towel ready before you do that."

"Oh, okay..."

He goes into another room, and the older barber follows him, presumably to give him some direction. I thought about getting up and leaving right then, but my car was parked in the back of the building and there would be no way of leaving without them getting my license plate number. I then thought about throwing down some money and jetting, but I needed change. Ain't no way I was paying $20 for this half assed haircut. So, I sat there, shaving gel marinating on my face for about 3 minutes, while he got his stuff together. They finally came back, and he put the not quite hot towel on my face. Well, it started on my face, but soon slid down. The older barber said, let me show you. He slid the barber chair back and rewrapped my face correctly. When my pores were sufficiently opened, he let the young guy take back over. I felt the scraping against my face, and although I didn't know exactly what he was doing, I knew it wasn't right. The old guy recognized this too..

"Use your reverse backhand. Go with the grain. Pull the skin tight."

The young guy, bless his heart, tried to follow all the directions, but it just wasn't working. Luckily, the older guy took over again.

"I'll get you through this one. You watch me and I'll show you how it's done."

When he was finally finished, the young guy came back and touched it up, and I was finally ready to go. After an hour sitting in the chair with a barber school reject, they had the nerve to charge me regular price. I was not in the mood to argue, (or as Jameil says I'm too nice), so I paid and jetted. My customary nice tip however was not included. The hair cut is not bad, but its not good. I know a lot of people can't tell the difference, but I can already see that it's not going to grow in the right way. I expect that in about 4 days, my hair will be sticking up and not laying right. I guess it goes without saying that I will not be returning to this barbershop. Here's what it looks like one day later...

Notice the uneven hairline and the unfinished looking goatee. Stay tuned in two weeks when I try yet another barber...