I ALREADY GAVE!!!

The biggest pimp I know? The Un.i.t.ed W.ay. Now before you get all up in arms and think I'm disparaging one of the countries biggest and most well known charities, just hear me out. The UW is ubiquitous. Not only do you see their commercials during every NFL game, chances are the company you work for is working with them. I know every job I've ever worked has had some kind of fund raising effort for the U.ni..te.d Way. Don't get me wrong, I think its a very good cause, its just... too much.

Look, I'm all for working for the community. Charity is a good thing. But I personally feel that if you give me a choice and I don't want to donate, then that should be the end of it. Every year it's the same thing, no matter what company I work for. There's an introduction to the UW followed by a request to pledge a donation. They take checks and credit cards, but to make it easier, just let them take it directly out of your paycheck. If you don't wanna give, then that's fine too. HOWEVER, you still need to go online and say that you aren't gonna give any money. I guess that's so some people will feel guilty saying no. That's easy enough. It takes 5 minutes to make your pledge or to say you aren't gonna give. Like I do every year, I made my little pledge to the UW. But wait, there's more...

Next, the companies have to supplement the donations. Just having everybody in the major corporation donate is not enough. It's like UW says, "Get back on that corner and get me some more dough." So, like a good hoe, the companies go back on the stroll. They have to get creative to create more cash flow. Some of the things I've personally seen at my jobs have been bake sales, silent auctions, car washes, golf tournaments, raffles to sporting events, and my personal favorite meetings with pseudo celebrities. You too can meet the third string offensive tackle from Atlanta's Arena Football team for a nominal donation to the UW. Yeah, how about no! I ALREADY GAVE MY DONATION. Can you back off me with the crappy contests? But wait, there's more...

Then come the emails. The emails that tell you how far away from our donation goal we are. The emails that tell you that you can always increase your pledge. The emails that tell you about the next fundraiser. The emails that come from an over exuberant coordinator that try to guilt you into giving more money. The excessive sometimes 2-3 times a day emails that flood your work email box. The emails that I actually no longer read because they just get on my nerves. When I was out of the office for a week, I returned to 23 emails about the UW. I was only gone for 7 days! There can not be that much information to provide. If I'm gonna give, I'm gonna give. If not, you aren't gonna change my mind. The worst part about is that I ALREADY GAVE!!! I don't need the constant reminders. But wait, there's more...

Now, it's the last week of the donation period. It's time to have a representative from UW come pimp us, I mean talk to us. As if we hadn't heard enough about them over the last 2 months, now we get to hear personal anecdotes about UW and see inspirational and uplifting videos about them. Like I said, I'm all for charity, but one thing I can't abide is someone trying to manipulate my emotions. Don't show me pictures of snotty nosed kids, or old infirm people in wheelchairs, or welfare mothers who couldn't comb their hair before getting on camera. I'm not drinking the UW Kool-Aid. Like I said...I ALREADY GAVE!!! I mean for real, all this harassment makes me want to rescind my pledge and just give it to the first homeless person I see.

Like I said, I know the U.ni.ted W.ay is a good organization. They work with all kinds of community groups and provide help to a lot of people. I support them. But something has to be done about the browbeating and constant haranguing for donations. There has to be a more dignified way to do this. Am I the only one that notices and gets annoyed by this? Also, I don't know if you heard, but we are in a recession. People can't just be giving to charity, when they can't afford their mortgages or food for their kids. Wait a minute, scratch that... I guess they can donate to the Un.it.ed W.ay, and then the Un.it.ed W.ay can use that same money to help them out.

PS - I was gonna call this post "Rashan Gets All Worked Up Over Nothing!" LOL