No Matter Where I Go Crazy Will Find Me

I've been told that I attract so much crazy because I am crazy myself. I admit that I am a little eccentric, but the craziness that I see on a day to day basis is just ridiculous. Here are just a few from the last week.

Thursday: It's 2 in the morning. I'm in the drive through of a local fast food establishment after getting off work. This guy skips the 2 cars in front of me and comes up to my car. "Hey brotha! Let me get a dolla out you." I'm like huh? You beggin in the fast food drive thru? I took a look at his new timberlands and declined. "I ain't got it." I expected that to be the end of it. Crazy Beggar Man decides to give me a lecture about how Christ would be ashamed of me and that Moses would curse me for not giving him a dollar. I say... "Aiight, dawg. Have a good night" and hit the power windows. When I get to the window to get my food, he comes back to the car. "Hey, brotha. I just want to give you another chance to do the right thing. Let me get a dollar, I ain't on drugs man. I just want to get a hamburger." So, I call his bluff. I say "Okay, I'll order you something." He says. "Come on nigga. I don't want no damn food. Just give me the money." I shook my head and drove off.

Friday: I take my nephew to the barbershop to get his haircut. I'm getting mine cut too. It's literally 102 degrees outside. No hyperbole, no exaggeration. I was sweating from the walk from the parking lot to the shop. Later, I'm leaving the spot and I see a young dude walking in a hoodie. Huh? Are you trying to die? Later, I took my nephew and niece out to eat at Chili's about 2 miles down the street. I see the same dude, still got the hoodie on and still alive somehow.

Saturday: Went to the gas station to get some... lets just say Power-ade. LOL. The Pakistani behind the bulletproof glass decides he should talk to me. First of all, he called me brother, which rubbed me the wrong way. Then he decides to tell me about how he got his head shaved like "you guys" and how he sold a winning lottery ticket to a girl with "much junk in the trunk." I really needed that um...Power-ade and I had slid my money under the glass already so I couldn't just up and leave, but he was holding my $20 and talking me to death. I kept looking at my phone, but he didn't get the hint. Finally, I was like, "lemme get my change, man" as he finished up a story about some strippers that come in the store.

Sunday: I'm at work. We have a little down time so I'm talking to a female co worker about nothing. All of a sudden, this dude walks up on me and says. "Hey Man! Don't be talking to my woman." I'm thinking he is joking, but he is not smiling. I go back to my conversation, intentionally disregarding this dude. I see him giving me the mean mug for the rest of the night. I asked the girl, "are y'all dating or something?" She tells me no but he has been trying to holla. My sarcastic ass has to mess with him now cuz she is paying more attention to me than him, not in a romantic way, but just in conversation. He gets more and more heated as the night goes on, and later tells me: "Ay dawg. I called dibs on that one." I said, "how you gonna call dibs on a person?" He says "I'm just saying... don't throw no salt on my game" I laughed in his face, and said "it ain't even like that, but you may wanna check with the girl before you start claiming her." Crazy ass (word that was buried.)

Monday: I was on the phone with an old jump-off. Hadn't talked to or seen her in a good while. Catching up and shit, but not really paying too much attention because I was getting ready for work. I'm like let me call you back, I need to brush my teeth and stuff. Well, I forgot to call her back. Okay, truthfully, PHD called and I was talking to her on the way to work. So, I'm at work, and I don't get service inside the building. When I go on break, I check my messages and see I have 4 new ones. It was the girl I "forgot" to call back. The first one started out, "see, muhfucka...." I skip to the next one. The next one starts, "that's why we ain't together now" the next one "when your trifling ass says you gonna call...". The last one is just "Call me back, bye!", as sweet as she could be. I remembered why I stopped talking to her ass and why I don't answer my phone. I wish I could post those messages on here. It would be hilarious.

Anyway, like I said, no matter where I go, crazy will find me. Shit, maybe it is me.