One Man Poll*

Breaking Poll Results…. 100% of members of Rashan Jamal’s household are tired of polls.

Further Polling reveals the wide gap between those that want more polls and those that wish they would just stop. 98% of participants say that polling is unreliable while 2% remain undecided.

Another Gallup Poll of 1 registered voter in Dekalb County, Georgia presents some shocking results. 97% of those surveyed say that polls can be manipulated to suit any point of view. One poll participant added, “depending on what newspaper or tv station you watch, either Obama’s gonna win or McCain is gonna win. Guess what? I did not know that. Thanks for explaining 50/50 to me.”

Pollsters continued to survey voters in an effort to paint the true picture of how people feel about polls. A recent
CNN/USA TODAY poll reveals that some voters (99%) believe that polls should only be conducted by people you’ve heard of. This serves as a bad sign for the Beauxdreaux Aloyishus Polling Academy which has been training annoying people to poll since 2006.

And in a surprising turn of events, a whopping 99.9% of sarcastic bloggers that have nothing else to write about reveal the truth about polling. The numbers mean nothing in most cases. They only serve as false security for dummies or false hope for the deluded. The campaign is never over based on what 750 people or some other ridiculously small cross section of society that answers unknown phone numbers think. Also, people lie. They’ll say one thing but vote another. Bradley Effect anyone? (I should really link that.) Or how about the 2000 election when people went to bed thinking Gore won and woke up finding out that nobody won. Then finding out that Bush’s brother stole Florida for him… Wait, that’s not what I was talking about. The point is anyone can do a poll and get any answer they want. I’m just tired of it.

*all polls have a margin of error of +/- 4%.