That Guy

Ladies and Gentleman, I have a confession to make. I'm that guy. I'm the one that's focused on the present and the future, not the past. I'm that guy that may or may not answer the phone, and I'm certainly that guy that will not ever be calling you to see how you are or to catch up about old times. It's nothing personal, it's just who I am.



You may be wondering why I'm bringing this up. Even if you're not, I'll tell you anyway. LOL. A few months ago, I joined this facebook like reunion site for my high school (and later my college). It was cool for about a week. Seeing how old friends were, catching up in platitudes and cliches (life is good. I'm staying busy.) I really just wanted to see how much better I looked than them. LOL But then I got bored with it. I'd found everyone I wanted to find, and the novelty wore off. However, because I'm me, people from my past seem to love to reconnect with me. That in itself is not a bad thing.

Reminiscing is a good thing. But after the initial "how have you been for the last 10 years" session ends, so does my interest. I can only take so much of the "remember when" conversations. I do remember. Now, I'm gonna go do something else. Truth be told, we aren't really friends anymore. If we were, then I would have known that you have 2 kids by the lame dude in high school that people liked even less than me. I would have known that you got divorced; maybe might have even received an invitation to your wedding. I would have known you just did a stint in the Mount Pleasant Iowa State Correctional Facility for taking a joy ride on your neighbors tractor and destroying his crops. But I didn't know any of these things, so upon hearing about it, I'm interested. But after hearing, I'm done. It was a good story, but now let's move on. I'm sure you have way more stories to tell, but let's pace this thing out. You don't have to tell me everything that happened over the years. Leave something for your memoirs. Let me be surprised!!!

I guess what I'm saying is that I don't look at these reconnections as an opportunity to relive the past. My life, as uneventful as it is, is my life. I don't lack stimulation. I don't wish to recapture the glory days. I'm not bored or trapped in a loveless marriage and need to escape my life. I just want to say Hi, satisfy my curiosity and move on. Maybe we can go for drinks if we are ever in the same city, maybe I'll talk to you again in 6 months, but I'm not looking for a lifelong friend. I'm certainly not looking to be your "in case of emergency, break glass" d*ck in a jar. Really, I'm not. Sorry (not really) to be that guy, but I'm not gonna answer my phone all the time. I may or may not call you back. It depends on what I feel or what I'm doing at the time. Just because we were cool when we were teenagers, doesn't make you a priority as an adult. (By the way, wanna know how to ensure I will not call you back? Call me multiple times on the same day during business hours when most people are at work. Or call me mad early in the morning. That'll guarantee that I will be too annoyed to ever call you back.)

But you should know all this about me already. You know how I am. I'm a loner. More than likely the reason we stopped talking back in the day is because I disappeared on you. Maybe even relocated to another city without telling you. Maybe I just stopped calling when I got a girlfriend. Or found a new set of friends when I stopped working with you. Or maybe I just needed my alone time. You know what? Whatever the reason, I'm that guy. You might just be better off not even making an effort. I'd hate for you to get your feelings hurt trying.

So to recap... No, I'm not gonna call you when I go to Savannah. No, I'm not going to Homecoming. No, I'm not going to meet you somewhere so we can catch up. No, you can't stay with me when you come to Atlanta. No, I'm not gonna answer my phone when you call. No, I'm not even going to listen to the message, so don't bother leaving one. Let's just make this easier for all involved. Send me an email. I'm pretty good at responding to them, unless of course I decide to ignore those too. I'm that guy sometimes too. LOL