Forgiveness and What Not

Today's Random Thought: Next time I decide to go to a strip club, I'm gonna call ahead and make sure that PacMan Jones isn't there. People have a tendency to get shot around him.

Consider this my public apology. I know this is gonna be cryptic, but hopefully, the people know who they are. If not, then I guess I really didn't owe them an apology.

I'm sorry that I just stopped returning your calls. Life was getting hectic and I had to take a break for my own mental health. It's nothing that you did, the walls were closing in on me for a minute and I didn't know how to handle it. I want to call you now, but what can I say at this point. Maybe the Lord will bless me with some courage for what I know is going to be a difficult conversation.

I'm sorry that we couldn't get our timing right. I really do feel you, but I couldn't wait forever. And now that everything is different, I hope you can realize that its actually the same. Ya dig?

I'm sorry that I can't be what you want me to be. I think under the circumstances you would be able to understand my hesitancy. It doesn't mean what you think it means, it just means that I am living my life. You gotta respect that and not jump to dramatic conclusions all the time.

I'm sorry that I hold so much animosity in my heart towards you. I can't seem to shake it. I'm pretty good at forgiveness, but for some reason, I can't do it with you. You probably don't even care, but I thought I would throw this out there for you anyway.

I'm sorry that I had to leave. I keep telling you all that you will be just fine without me, and I hope that you really are. I know times are rough and there is nobody like me, but you are gonna make it. Change is constant in business, so you have to adapt. It's a struggle, but I'm doing it, so you have to as well.

I'm sorry I haven't called you yet. To be honest, half of me thinks you aren't serious. The other half is intrigued, but not ready to put you through my mess. Give me a little more time to get my mind right, and I'm there.

I'm sorry that I don't comment on everybody's blog like I used to. It's a combination of not being on the computer as much as I was before and not having anything intelligent to say. Rest assured that I do read most of the time, and I know that I should comment, but I haven't gotten back into the swing of things. I guess that excuse is getting old, since I have had this new blog for 6 months, but this is one of those "it is what it is" moments.

I'm sorry that we can't talk like we used to. I know with my work schedule and your home life, it's pretty impossible. But shoot me an email or a text message to let me know if you are cool. I have to admit that I was pretty worried with our last conversation a couple of weeks ago. I hope all is well.

I'm sorry that I haven't kept in touch. I know it didn't seem like it, but I really am a loner at heart. You may have thought I was outgoing from the persona that you met, but that's not the real me. The real me is boring, a hermit, an introvert. I'm not going to insult your intelligence with false promises of doing better either.

I'm sorry that my sorrys are chock full of excuses. I hate apologies coupled with excuses, but it seems like I did it. I just want you all to know that I don't say sorry unless I mean it. If you have any doubt about whether or not I am being sincere, think back to your interactions with me. Have I ever apologized for anything? If I think I'm right, do I ever back down to keep the peace? And if by some fluke, I did apologize, wasn't it like pulling teeth to get me to do it? So, just know I'm so sincere.