I Shall...Proceed

Today's Random Thought: Is something wrong with Japanese filmmakers? They make the most imaginative, sick, twisted movies. Is something wrong with me because I keep adding them to my rental queue?

"Just think, what if you could just, just blink yourself away?"

This line from The Root's "Proceed" has been stuck in my head for the last couple of days. I'm not too sure why since I haven't heard it in a minute, but it kind of fits where I am mentally right now. I want to blink myself away to another space and time, where I don't have to deal with all this stress. I mean, if someone else told me that all that has happened in my life happened to them, my cynical ass would think that they were making it up. But since its me, I know it's true. Sometimes I feel like Nas said in "The World is Yours": "I need a new nigga, for this black cloud to follow/cuz while it's over me its too dark to see tomorrow." Totally Unrelated Hip Hop Sidenote. That was my second favorite song on Illmatic. The first was "Represent." The combination of DJ Premier flipping the beat to the Nutcracker Suite and Nas' brash, yet smooth lyrical delivery was untouchable. But back to my point, this one line has been heavy on my mind all weekend as I thought about where I am in my life.

As I sat in the whip after another tire debacle, (this time two tires in the middle of the night) the lyric reverberated in my head.... "Just think, what if you could just, just blink yourself away?" As I sat in front of the computer working on my latest attempt of literary genius, (this time in screenplay format) I thought, "Just think, what if you could just, just blink yourself away." As I futilely tried to fall asleep Saturday afternoon, (this time I was up until 4pm), I bobbed my head to the imaginary sound of Black Thought positing "Just think, what if you could just, just blink yourself away?"

I know it sounds like the rantings of a crazy person, but some good actually came out of my moment of madness. I came to a sort of epiphany. For the first time, in a long time, I know what I want to do with my life. I admit, it was born out of insomnia based delirium, but after giving it considerable thought, I have decided to change my career path. I'm not going to tell you all about it, just in case, I pull a Rashan and flake on it, but I actually got to the point of doing research on furthering my education and training in preparation for my new career. I think that although it wont make me rich, it will be fulfilling. I've told a few people about my potential plans, and they all have provided positive feedback, which makes me feel good. So wish me luck as I proceed with the next phase of my life.

So what if I could just blink myself away? Where do I see myself going? Hopefully, having a career instead of a job. Hopefully having a lasting bond rather than a series of intense, albeit temporary connections. Hopefully in a place where I am no longer confined by my own cynicism, which sometimes amazes and shocks even me. Hopefully, at the conclusion of a literary project instead of at the beginning of yet another promising idea. If I could blink myself away, like a masculine, sepia toned I Dream of Jeannie, I would get out of this rut that I've found myself in for the last few months. As nice as it sounds, it's not as simple as obstructing and opening ones oculars; there is hard work involved. I am, however, fully committed to taking on the task.

I Shall...Proceed!!!