I'm Having A Party...or maybe I'm not

Last week, I (or Jameil) had the bright idea to have some people over to the crib. Jameil was already gonna be there, and then Adei was coming to town too. We decided that we should make it a blogger meetup and invite Joy and I heard La was in the A too. The plan was we would have a get together, not so much a party, but just people eating and/or drinking at my crib.

Well, as things tend to do, plans got muddled. It was on, then it was off. Such and such was coming, then they weren't. Jameil was gonna cook, then she wasn't. I woke up this morning not really knowing if it was going to happen. It continued on to my work day. I didn't find out for sure that people would still be coming over until just before lunch. Right now, I'm at work and Jameil is either at the grocery store getting ready or laying around doing nothing. Not really sure. I'm pretty confident that when i get home, there should be food and drinks waiting, but we'll see. Anyway, the point is this: If you are in the A right now, and want to hang out with other bloggers and promise not to just show up at my crib whenever you feel like it, send me an email (visionz74@yahoo.com) and I'll let you know where the gathering is. (Magnolia - I know you don't blog but once every fortnight, and probably won't read this but you are last minute invited too. LOL) That is unless plans fall through again in which case I will sit at home drinking beer and watching tv. Either way, it sounds like a plan to me. One!

A Very Special Christmas Edition of Thursday Thirteen: 13 Things I Love About Jameil

Merry Christmas, everybody. I'm not sure how many people will be reading, but if you are, here is another collaboration with Jameil. Actually, she hasn't read this ahead of time, but the idea was constructed together. Be sure to check out Jam's list of what she loves about me.

1. Our Long Phone Calls - Being in two different states, the majority of our time is spent on the phone. I love how we can always find something to talk about or even just enjoy each other's silent company as we do different things. I think the longest we've talked on the phone has been 15 hours in one day.

2. Following Dreams - I love that Jameil is following her dream to make documentaries. A lot of people have lofty ideas, but never do anything about them - present company included. I'm so proud that she is actually taking action to make this a reality.

3. Sense of Humor - We have some of the craziest, most hilarious conversations. I wish I could put some of them on the blog sometimes, but I'm not quite sure everybody would get the joke, or if they did get the joke, they may not appreciate us laughing at you. Needless to say, in a 15 hour phone convo, there has to be lots of humor to keep it interesting. Jameil has that part covered.

4. Passion about the news - Okay, this may get on some people's nerves, but I love it. Whenever we are watching any local news show, Jam immediately starts critiquing it. This comes from her background as a news producer. She knows how things should be done, and always points it out if its done incorrectly. I've learned a lot just from hearing her rant about the news, and you know I like learning new stuff.

5. Accepting My Weirdness - I'll be the first to admit that I'm not normal. In fact, I wear weirdness as a badge of honor. This can turn some people off, but Jameil seems to take it in stride. It's a good thing, because my brain isn't turning normal anytime soon. LOL

6. Talking About Anything - I don't know if there is any conversation that is off limits with us. We can talk about the past without any strangeness. We can talk about the future without any nervousness. We can plan our hypothetical kids names without either of us running for the hills. I love that no matter what the topic, we can keep everything in perspective and not have to be all guarded around each other.

7. Long Hugs - When I first see Jam after two or three weeks, you can bet that we are going to be locked in an embrace for several minutes. I can tell that she is genuinely happy to see me, and the feeling is definitely mutual.

8. Making Fun Of Each Other - We are ridiculous with this one. The same way we make fun of other people, we make fun of one another. It's all good natured teasing. She loves to call me old because I am 7 and 3/4ths years older than her. She likes making gay jokes about me since I like a lot of TV shows and movies that most heterosexual black males don't watch (i.e. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Gilmore Girls, etc.) She knows she can do this because I can take a joke. I'm not one of those sensitive cats that's gonna run off crying in a corner because somebody ribbed me. I do the same to her, but I'll leave those off the blog. I'm not crazy, ya know.

9. Food - Whether she cooks or we go out to a restaurant to eat, we gonna eat. And we gonna eat good. And I love that she is not scared to try new places. It's cool being able to go to some new spot and experiencing new culinary delights. I've had situations before where we always went to the same restaurant week after week. We definitely have our go-to spots, but there's always some new food adventure around the corner. Also, she's introduced me to the wonderful world of brunch. Where has that been my whole life?

10. Strong Personality - I love how UN wishy washy Jameil is. She knows what she likes, she knows what she believes in and she doesn't waver. The way she presents her self is the way she is. There's no fakeness in her. I never have to wonder if she is just saying something to keep me happy. If she doesn't agree, she'll tell me forcefully that she doesn't agree. You never have to guess if she feels strongly about something. Jameil is an antonym for the word sycophant.

11. Falling Asleep - I love when we fall asleep together. It feels like the most natural thing in the world, holding her while we watch a movie. Or her rubbing my head til I drift off. It's the sweetest thing. I definitely miss that when I'm not with her.

12. Competition - Lots of things between us are competitions. We've had 3 day long sessions trying to outdo each other. For example, once we had a competition to see who could say the most outrageous thing about a certain blogger. That thing dragged on forever until I finally was tapped out. It started on personal email, moved to work email, and continued on the phone. Neither one of us wants to give in first. These are friendly competitions by the way. Neither of us are sore losers. (If she would ever lose, she might be a sore loser. She always seems to get the best of me in these competition with her ol' stubborn self. LOL) By the way, we don't often have comment competitions, but when we post about the same thing, best believe its a battle. The posts when we announced we were dating, she won that time. Last week's T-13 was a tie. I'm hoping that my bloggers will represent for me this time! COMMENT ON MINE, NOT HERS!!!!!

13 Hey... - Cuz I know it's gonna be followed by "I Love You." It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside no matter how many times I hear it. I love you, too babe!

Hire Me?

Amidst all the talk about my company being "in a position of strength" and "poised for the future" comes the reality that we are just like everybody else. People will be getting laid off, bonuses are being cut, belts are being tightened. I can see the writing on the wall. I'm not saying I'm gonna be without a job, but I need to prepare for the possibility. Okay, I know that sounds depressing on Christmas Eve, but we had a meeting yesterday that pretty much sealed what I already knew. Times are tough. It's a recession, and I need to find a new job. I've been looking, but there really aren't too many jobs out there. Especially, ones that fit my unique skill set. Instead of sulking or stressig myself out, I'll deal with this the same way I deal with just about everything. By mocking it...

The following is a tongue in cheek list of my qualifications just in case any of you wanna hire me:

I can belittle people with my above average intelligence: I may not be able to do the job the way you want me to do it, but I'll come up with a better way to do it, all the while making my peers and superiors feel stupid. At every job I've had, I've always been the go to person, even when managers and/or people that have worked at the company for 10 years are around. It gives me a dual reputation of an uppity negro and savior. Every company needs that dude you love to hate. You need that in your company? Then, hire me.

I can effectively manage all my sick and vacation time: You know those people that have 10 days of vacation left at the end of the year, or never use any of their alloted sick days? That's not me. I can guarantee you that I will schedule all my vacation in advance and that I will not work the week of Thanksgiving. You don't have to worry about scrambling trying to find days to give me off at the end of the year. Also, that pesky sick time? You wont have to worry about paying me for that (if your company does that.) I'll use it effectively throughout the year. I won't be sick, but I'll use those days anyway.

I can figure out ways to beat the system: You know how some people have problems adapting to changes? That's not me. If you change our goals, then I'll figure out a way to manipulate said goal for my benefit. Things that most people complain about, well let's just say, instead of complaining, I'm figuring out a loophole. Ask my last job. They've changed our goals 7 times in 12 months. But I've always managed to find a way to avoid the pitfalls that other employees fall in. I'm still standing!

You don't have to feed me: Office parties, potlucks, bringing donuts to the office. That can get expensive. Well, let me tell you that I won't be participating in those. That's one less greedy person that you have to spend money on. That can add up. I'm helping your company's bottom line.

Overtime? Are you serious: Yeah, I won't be doing overtime. You don't have to pay me no time and a half. I'm all about 8 hours and going home. I've had jobs previously where I worked 12 hours a day, and I'm not down for that anymore. So, yeah, don't have to worry about me taking all your loot.

I can attract work stalkers like nobody's business: You may wonder how this is a good thing. Well, you can guarantee that these work stalkers will be at work early and every day to see me. It doesn't matter if I don't pay them any attention, they'll be there. That has to be good for your productivity!

I won't ever leave: When I get a job, I'm way too lazy to find another one. I've worked a place for 5 years, one for 6 years, 2 for 2 years. I'm what you may call loyal. You don't have to worry about me running to the competition. I'm a be there until you kick me out.

Okay, that's enough being silly. Merry Christmas Eve! I'll be posting tomorrow on Christmas: 13 Things I Love About Jameil... a kind of follow up to last weeks Thursday Thirteen. If you are around, check it out. If not, Merry Christmas, and I hope you get all the presents you wanted. ONE!

Overheard While Checking The Mail

*BANG BANG BANG*

"Open up! I know you in there"

*BANG BANG BANG*

"Stop playing, I see your car out here"

*BANG BANG BANG*

"Why you got me out here looking like a fool? Just open the door. Let's talk about this."

*BANG BANG BANG*

"Who is she? Why you picking her over me?"

*BANG BANG BANG*

"I'm a beat that bitch ass when I find her."

*Door Opens - It's another woman*

"Why you making a scene out here. Go on home, you knew what this was"

"But baby..."

*Door Slams*

Thursday Thirteen: Things I Do To Annoy Jameil

Today's T 13 is things I do to annoy Jameil. It's usually not on purpose, but sometimes it is. Also, don't be reading this and thinking that there's trouble in paradise. These are just minor things that we've noticed over the last 5 months. At least, they are minor to me. When you get done reading this one, go ahead and check out her list of what she does to annoy me. We collaborated on these the other day, and I think they are pretty funny. Let's get started.

1. Stand by car door with door open - Okay, I don't do this one anymore. But when we first started seeing each other with frequency, when I would open her car door, apparently I didn't move to my side of the car quickly enough. I would leave the door open while we finished our sentence or I would just pause long enough to make sure I didn't slam the door on any of her body parts. Sounds reasonable, right? Not to her. LOL. So, being the jerk that I am, once she brought that to my attention, I switched it up. I opened the door, closed and sprinted around the car to my side and said "Was that quick enough for you?"

2. Say "I'll call you tomorrow" - I guess its supposed to be a given that we'll talk tomorrow. When we are getting off the phone, she feels it unnecessary for me to say that. Perhaps it is, but sometimes I do.


3. Eating, or rather not eating - Sorry, babe. I have horrible eating habits. I eat once a day, and I know you thought that you could fix me, but I've been doing this for almost 20 years. Even when I do make it to 2 a days, it never lasts more than a week. I've tried to change it, but it just doesn't work. She likes to tell people that I don't eat, which is not accurate. I have gone 24 hours without eating before, but I don't think I've done that recently. Plus whenever we are together, I'm gonna eat at least twice, sometimes 3 times a day like a normal person. But when I get back home, I revert to what I know best.


4. Talk like I have a G.E.D - That's what she calls it. I call it just making fun of people around me. People in Atlanta say Collipark (College Park) and East Pernt (East Point). Rapper say funny things on these hood songs. I like to imitate them. I actually can speak the English language, but every now and then I don't and that annoys her.


5. Leave the room - I should clarify. Leaving the room without telling her where I'm going. Or if I tell her where I'm going, not having a good enough reason to leave. It's crazy. When we are at my place, if I leave the room or stop being her (as V Dizzle called me) her man pillow, Jam gets really annoyed. So what if I have clothes in the washer or if I have to see a man about a horse? I can guarantee if I move, I will hear the following phrase: "Where are you going?" Sometimes, its a question, other times its akin to a threat. Like "Nigga, did I say you could move?!?" LOL

6. YouTube rapping - As just about anybody that has talked to me can attest, I speak in lyrics. There's always a hip hop lyric that correlates to what we are discussing. For example, if someone says "They need to get it together", immediately that Jay-Z lyric from Mya's "Best of Me" song pops in my head.

Ma get it together or forget it forever
When I go at you hard I can get it through leather
You actin like Jigga can't get at whoever
Talking you got a man, okay ma, and?
That's high school making me chase you round for months
Have an affair, act like an adult for once...

Okay, so I know that's ridiculous, but then I decide I need to hear that song. And another song that reminds of that one, and then next thing you know, I'm rapping along to all of the songs from that era. Then I you tube it back a few years and listen to some obscure rap song that got played on Rap City three times, yet I know all the lyrics to. I understand that may be annoying, but do I complain when she starts singing Danity Kane or Mariah? Nope! LOL

7. Wear old fubu stuff - Even if she doesn't see it, she gets annoyed with my hoodie. And I had this old FUBU T shirt that I wore when she was here, complete with a hole from a blunt I dropped on it 10 years ago. Truth be told, I just wore it to bother her.


8. Try to manage her time - Okay, this is one that I don't do, but she thinks I do. All I do is take an interest in her school work. If there's a film or a paper due, what's wrong with me asking how far along she is? As much as I may want to manage her time, I don't actually try it. But I'm sure to hear the following phrase if I ask what time she is going to the library: "CAN I MANAGE MY OWN TIME?" I shouldn't really put a question mark on that, because it wasn't a question. It's a statement telling me to back off. I seldom do though. I just wanna know what's going on. Lord knows, that between the two of us, there is no time whatsoever being managed. I don't know which of us is the bigger procrastinator. Anyway, that sentence is sure to annoy her, if she isn't laughing too hard.

9. Not asking the question that I want to know the answer to - I call it conversation, she calls it annoying. The only way I can explain this one is to give an example:

Me: Did you go to the library today?
Her: Yes.. blah, blah, blah.
Me: Did you get a chance to read my blog today?
Her: That's what you wanted to know. How come you didn't just ask that?

See, I wanted to know that, but I also wanted to know the first part. If she didn't go to the library, then I know she didn't read my blog. I don't see anything wrong with following a line of questioning instead of just jumping right to the point. Does this make any sense? Which one of us do you think is right? LOL


10. That I have no friends - I really don't see why this one is a problem. More time for me to spend with her, right? On the real, I've become a self contained unit. I like my own company better than most people's company. Plus, I never disappoint, don't listen or make me go places I don't wanna go. It's seems like a winner to me. It really has to do with the people I've been meeting and hanging out with. They just don't share my same interests, and why should I subliminate my interests to hang out with people that care about other things. I'm perfectly fine with hanging by myself.

11. Avoidance of conflict - Me and my family don't talk about bad stuff. We just prefer to let it fade away. If something is bothering me today, it'll be gone by tomorrow. No need to have hurt feelings too. Jameil can't stand that. She feels I should slap various members of my family. Okay, I'm being bratty. She just feels that we should talk more. I understand, but what works for her fam doesn't work for my fam. It annoys her when I just let things go without talking about them.

12. Book on Tape Voice- She calls it my gay voice. LOL. It's not that at all. When I'm reading her something, which I sometimes have to do with her lack of consistent internet, I sometimes break into a very deliberate, slow paced and emoting voice. It's almost like I do characters when I'm reading. It's funny to me, not so much to her.

13. Over explain who I'm (or she is) talking about - Sometimes, I just need clarity. She knows a lot of people, and I get them confused sometimes. Like she'll mention her line sister, and I'll say Nichole? Or I'll talk about Eric and say, you know Kristie's fiance? It's just for clarity's sake. I get that I don't have that many people in my life, but she has tons of people she knows. They be getting mixed up in my head, yo! I just have to make sure we both are talking about the same person. Do I see it as being annoying? Nah, but it is what it is (that phrase could probably be # 14 if I were to keep going. LOL)

I Just Might Be Crazy

Crazy

That’s me… Why am I crazy this time, you ask? Go ahead and ask...
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I’m glad you asked. I’ll tell you. I’m crazy because I was up until well after the sun came up this morning. What in the world was I doing awake until 8:09 AM, you ask? Again, go ahead and ask…
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Thanks for asking! I was up until 8:09 AM playing around with ITunes. This is what happened. I’ve had the same 806 songs on my iPod for ummm, about 3 months. When Jameil was here the 1st time, she accidentally took my iPod charger with her. She brought it back Thanksgiving, but I’ve been too lazy to go through my thousands of songs and pick new ones to put on there. I only have the 4 gig joint, which is more than enough, but that means I have to switch my music out. Anyway, last night, I decided to give Kanye another chance (I actually like it now that it’s been mastered properly. The bootleg joints I was listening to were pretty annoying), so I downloaded his CD. THEN… I decided to add some more old music from my cd collection. I found my Faith CD that I’ve been looking for for awhile. The Mary J My Life was all scratched up, but then I found my old favorite group from high school: Gang Starr. THEN… as I was importing these, I noticed that a lot of my bootleg mp3s didn’t have the correct information on them. Like they would be missing an artist name, or the wrong album was listed, or the name of the song was just totally wrong. That’s what you get when you don’t actually pay for the songs. Well, I started editing the information. THEN.. I saw that I had duplicates of some songs, so I figured I should go through and delete those to free up more space on my computer… THEN…I noticed I had some stuff in my iTunes that I would never ever listen to, so I deleted those too.

Next thing I know, its 7:30 and I still haven’t picked what songs I was gonna put on my iPod. Since I had to get up in 3 hours, the prudent thing to do would have been to just go to sleep and deal with that tomorrow, but I’ve never been one to be a slave to prudence… In the words of Eric Cartman: Whatever I Do What I Want!!! (That would have been more effective I wasn’t at work, and could link it. I’ll just go ahead scratch out this whole sentence. LOL I really need to go to sleep!) I went through my library and picked about 400 songs, and then couldn’t take it anymore, so I crashed. I knew if I went to my bed, I would never in a million years actually wake up, so I curled up on my loveseat, turned my Netflix instant viewing to a PBS documentary about the Statue of Liberty and fell asleep. Two hours later, my phone started yelling at me to wake up and I somehow managed to wake up and make it to work on time. Crazy, huh?

You may ask why I would do something like this. You know how this works by now… ASK ME!!!
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Well, I’ll tell you. Refer to the title of the post. I’m crazy! Not all the time, but sometimes, I just can’t control the way my brain works. It’s almost like OCD, except I don’t have to go in 5s or 3s. I just can’t stop a task until I’m finished. Anyway, I’ve written enough in this sleep deprived diatribe. I guess I should do some work now. Peace!

The Secretive Cradle Robber Conversation.

Actual Work Conversation.

Cast Of Characters:
Rashan
Dark Skinned White Girl (DSWG) - The white girl that talks like a Vivica A Fox movie character.
Yes, I'm A Lesbian (YIAL) - The woman that likes to offer details about her sexuality even when nobody asks.
Kenyan Like Obama (KLO) - the African that talked about the election every day since the primaries.

DSWG: Was that yo guhl I seent you wit at Gladys Knights? (Chicken N Waffles)

Rashan: Yeah.

DSWG: She was SUPER CUTE!

Rashan: I know. (turns away)

DSWG: I didn't want to interrupt that's why I just waved and ish.

Rashan: Yeah, that's cool.

KLO: You saw Rashan's girlfriend? He really has a girlfriend?

DSWG: MMM-HMM. I seen him and his boo. They were super cute together.

YIAL: I thought she lived in Florida.

Rashan: She does. She was up here for Thanksgiving.

YIAL: Hey, she's younger than you right? She's in college?

Rashan: She's getting her Masters. She's not like an 18 year old. I'm not R Kelly or nothing.

YIAL: But she's a young tenderroni, right?

KLO: Rashan, are you a dirty old man?

DSWG: She looked like she was about my age.

Rashan: She's 26.

YIAL: And how old are you?

Rashan: 34.

YIAL: STOP LYING!! YOU ARE NOT 34!

KLO: He is. I've seen his license. I didn't believe him either.

DSWG: SHAWN W(she always calls me by my first and last name) You that old?

Rashan: Yeah, I'm 34.

YIAL: Go head, player! I like young girls too. My wife is a lot younger than me too.

Rashan: She's not a lot younger.

KLO: Yes, she is! That's how men in Kenya are. They like their women younger.

Rashan: Okay, the Rashan portion of this conversation is over...

DSWG: Daaang...it's like that, boo? He don't never talk about his personal life. I knew him for a year and he ain't never said nothing to me.

KLO: How did you know he had a girlfriend? He never talks about himself.

YIAL: Girrrl, you know how I am. I wanna know something, I'm gonna ask.

DSWG: He don't be telling me nuffin'

Rashan: Anytime you want to change the subject...

Rashan Vs. Dem Gangsta Cats Part 2*

If you read this post, you already know about the cat population by my crib. Actually, read that post when you get a chance. I'm freakin' hilarious. LOL. Anyway, I had another run in with a cat last night. ..



I was coming home from a long boring day at work. My manager, who for some reason went to culinary school, cooked for us. We had chicken leg quarters, some kind of fish, roasted potatoes, 4 cheese mac and cheese and a broccoli- carrot concoction. The food was pretty good, but being that I don't like to eat at work, I brought most of it home. Anyway, I get out of my car and walk up the stairs to my apartment, when all of a sudden a kitten comes running towards me. Normally, cats are scared of strangers, but not this one. She started purring and rubbing up on my leg. I'm like go away... Actual quote was "Hey, dawg! Beat it!" Yes, I know it was a cat and not a dog, and yes I know that he doesn't speak English. Anyway, I unlock my door and open it a little, but the kitten runs toward the door. I quickly shut the door, so she wouldn't get inside, but I didn't get inside either. Every move I make, the kitten followed. Jameil, who was on the phone with me tells me to stamp my foot in the kitten's direction. I tried that, but she wasn't scared. I made menacing movements, I lifted it up with my foot and moved it out of the way, I kicked it (softly, don't call PETA on me), but this little thing was determined to hang around and climb up my pants leg. Finally, I got an idea...

I had fish in my tupperware container. I opened it up, and threw some towards the adjacent apartment. Then when the kitten went to eat it, I opened the door and made my way in... Only, I underestimated the speed of this little kitten. Next thing I know, she's inside the apartment, and I'm outside looking stunned. She runs around my living room for a few seconds, as I am comically chasing her. She zig zags past me at each attempt to pick her up. Finally, I open my container of food again and throw another piece of fish outside. She runs out the door and I slam it shut, laughing at myself. For the next hour, this little cute kitten (yeah, I said it. she was cute) was meowing at my door. Poor little thing wanted to get out of the cold and get some real food. She had a collar on, so she probably belonged to somebody, I hope they found her.

*Technically, this cat was more stalker than gangsta, but I just wanted to use that title again. LOL

Thursday Thirteen: My $100 $150 Or Less Christmas Wish List

Since I have a killer case of the hiccups that wont allow me to sleep, I decided that I would do a Christmas Wishlist. I realized while writing this, I probably am a nightmare to shop for, cuz I never really care what I get, and I'm not good at dropping hints. It probably stems from all these years of not getting any gifts. My siblings and I don't exchange gifts, and mom and grandma usually go the gift card route. Anyway, here some of the things I would like for Christmas. All linked products are merely suggestions unless specified by name in the description.

1. Bose Computer Speakers- Most of the TV I watch is on the computer. I also watch alot of movies on Netflix Instant Viewing. I need to upgrade from these factory speakers I have.



2. GPS System - Do I need to elaborate on the many ways I get lost... even in my own city. I need this in my life.



3. A Watch - I'm tired of looking at my cell whenever I need to know what time it is. Plus, I would feel a little more like a grown up if I had a watch.



4. Car Audio - I'm always in my car. 35 minutes to work, 5hrs to Gainesville. I have an iPod adapter but it plays through the FM stations and in certain places it doesn't work. I would never buy this for myself, but it's Christmas, so someone can do it for me.



5. George Foreman 360 Grill - My old Foreman crapped out on me, probably because I submerged it in water several times trying to clean it. Glad this one has detachable grills.



6. Music Box Sets - Like Marvin Gaye , Stevie Wonder , or Al Green. Something classic.



7. Restaurant Gift Cards - Brother gotta eat, right?



8. Clothes - I didn't link cuz I don't know what I want. Plus Jameil was supposed to fix me, but it hasn't happened yet.



9. Shoes - see #8 I'll let you pick out what I should wear. Size 12 please.



10 Atari Flashback 2.0 - cuz the Wii is too expensive to put on this list.



11. External Hard Drive - gotta find a place to store all my porn mp3s. LOL



12. Cold Hard Cash - or gift cards if you think giving cash is tacky. LOL



13. Digital Camera - don't really need one, so much as I just want to get a new one. I keep seeing people with these cool cameras and I want one.

3

Do you know what today is? (TonyToniTone 1992) It’s my anniversary. I’ve been in this blog game for 3 years today. I had big plans on writing something profound or writing a post pretending to quit, but I didn’t, so now I’ll just freestyle something. It’s been good and bad, exciting and mundane, brilliant and pedestrian. I’ve met some cool people, some not so cool people, some people I thought were cool that turned out to be not so cool. I’ve met blog friends, blog stalkers, blog girlfriends, blog phonies, blog peeps I wouldn’t mind hanging out with. I’ve read interesting blogs, terrible blogs, annoying blogs, blogs that make me think, blogs that make me sick. I’ve been blog obsessed, blog apathetic, and where I am now, somewhere in the blog middle. I’ve had blog beef, blog drama, blog crushes, blog debates. Basically, I’ve done it all except get paid for this thing. Anybody got any ideas on how I can do that? LOL

Anyway, it’s my anniversary (I refuse to use that word that combines blog and anniversary.) Who knows how much longer I can go, but I don’t have any plans on quitting any time soon.

Excuse Me, Sir or Madam (as the case may be)

Excuse Me, Sir? I don’t know if you realize this but you are wearing bright purple pants. I mean, perhaps you got dressed in the dark and didn’t realize that you are wearing your woman’s pants, but I just thought I should let you know. You probably noticed that them slacks were tight when you put them on, but for some reason that didn’t deter you. And while some may applaud your bold choice of adding black cowboy boots to your ensemble, this untrained eye just thinks you look silly. Perhaps, its Prince day in your department and you are going for the androgynous look. If so, I apologize for bringing this to your attention. I just thought you should know how much of a clown you appear to be.

Excuse Me, Madam? I wanted to let you know that you have the most irritating voice known to man. I wish you didn’t not start sitting directly across from me. Your voice sounds like you swallowed some helium from a balloon, only not as high pitched. I got it: its like you swallowed the helium and its starting to wear off, but it never quite gets back to a normal pitched voice. Also, I don’t hear an accent, but the words you use make me think that English is not your first second or fourth language. Could you kindly do me a favor and reduce the volume of your voice? I know you can’t do anything about the quality of it, but you can at least use what preschool teachers call “your inside voice.” Thanks in advance.

Excuse Me, Ma’am? I can tell you that I really don’t care about you and your girlfriend or as you call her, your wife. I don’t need to know when you fight. I don’t need to hear about what you cooked for her. I don’t need to hear about your bedroom activities. I sure don’t need to hear about how your grown daughter doesn’t liker her. Can you please just keep a few aspects of your home life at the house? I don’t begrudge you having the rainbow so prominently plastered all over your desk, but so much of what you prattle on about would fall into the TMI category by anybody’s standards. Just thought I would let you know.

Message

FYI to the Holiday Decorators…

The Cat in the Hat has nothing to do with Christmas. Perhaps you meant to do something with the Grinch? He stole Christmas, not that cat. I know times are hard and we are not gonna put up that huge Christmas tree and all the lights to save money, but could you at least get that right for me? Just because its low budget, doesn’t mean it has to be tacky. Thanks in advance!

Lazy Blogging

In an attempt to not let Jameil post 100 times more than me this year, I present to you some lazy blogging. I'm supposed to bold the things that I've done, so I did.


1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars.
3. Played in a band.
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

I ALREADY GAVE!!!

The biggest pimp I know? The Un.i.t.ed W.ay. Now before you get all up in arms and think I'm disparaging one of the countries biggest and most well known charities, just hear me out. The UW is ubiquitous. Not only do you see their commercials during every NFL game, chances are the company you work for is working with them. I know every job I've ever worked has had some kind of fund raising effort for the U.ni..te.d Way. Don't get me wrong, I think its a very good cause, its just... too much.

Look, I'm all for working for the community. Charity is a good thing. But I personally feel that if you give me a choice and I don't want to donate, then that should be the end of it. Every year it's the same thing, no matter what company I work for. There's an introduction to the UW followed by a request to pledge a donation. They take checks and credit cards, but to make it easier, just let them take it directly out of your paycheck. If you don't wanna give, then that's fine too. HOWEVER, you still need to go online and say that you aren't gonna give any money. I guess that's so some people will feel guilty saying no. That's easy enough. It takes 5 minutes to make your pledge or to say you aren't gonna give. Like I do every year, I made my little pledge to the UW. But wait, there's more...

Next, the companies have to supplement the donations. Just having everybody in the major corporation donate is not enough. It's like UW says, "Get back on that corner and get me some more dough." So, like a good hoe, the companies go back on the stroll. They have to get creative to create more cash flow. Some of the things I've personally seen at my jobs have been bake sales, silent auctions, car washes, golf tournaments, raffles to sporting events, and my personal favorite meetings with pseudo celebrities. You too can meet the third string offensive tackle from Atlanta's Arena Football team for a nominal donation to the UW. Yeah, how about no! I ALREADY GAVE MY DONATION. Can you back off me with the crappy contests? But wait, there's more...

Then come the emails. The emails that tell you how far away from our donation goal we are. The emails that tell you that you can always increase your pledge. The emails that tell you about the next fundraiser. The emails that come from an over exuberant coordinator that try to guilt you into giving more money. The excessive sometimes 2-3 times a day emails that flood your work email box. The emails that I actually no longer read because they just get on my nerves. When I was out of the office for a week, I returned to 23 emails about the UW. I was only gone for 7 days! There can not be that much information to provide. If I'm gonna give, I'm gonna give. If not, you aren't gonna change my mind. The worst part about is that I ALREADY GAVE!!! I don't need the constant reminders. But wait, there's more...

Now, it's the last week of the donation period. It's time to have a representative from UW come pimp us, I mean talk to us. As if we hadn't heard enough about them over the last 2 months, now we get to hear personal anecdotes about UW and see inspirational and uplifting videos about them. Like I said, I'm all for charity, but one thing I can't abide is someone trying to manipulate my emotions. Don't show me pictures of snotty nosed kids, or old infirm people in wheelchairs, or welfare mothers who couldn't comb their hair before getting on camera. I'm not drinking the UW Kool-Aid. Like I said...I ALREADY GAVE!!! I mean for real, all this harassment makes me want to rescind my pledge and just give it to the first homeless person I see.

Like I said, I know the U.ni.ted W.ay is a good organization. They work with all kinds of community groups and provide help to a lot of people. I support them. But something has to be done about the browbeating and constant haranguing for donations. There has to be a more dignified way to do this. Am I the only one that notices and gets annoyed by this? Also, I don't know if you heard, but we are in a recession. People can't just be giving to charity, when they can't afford their mortgages or food for their kids. Wait a minute, scratch that... I guess they can donate to the Un.it.ed W.ay, and then the Un.it.ed W.ay can use that same money to help them out.

PS - I was gonna call this post "Rashan Gets All Worked Up Over Nothing!" LOL

Open Letter To President-Elect Obama

Okay, I know I haven't posted in a while, but I'm back now. I'm blog inspired again. I think this is a good one, which means that everybody else will think it sucks and I'll get like 3 comments. LOL

Dear Mr. Obama,

I don’t usually do this. I’m not the type that asks for help from his government, but in light of recent events, I feel compelled to intervene on behalf of those that do not have a voice. We’ve all seen what the government has done with recent bailout of the financial sector, most notably AIG (who I used to work for.) We’ve heard the requests of the Big Three automakers for federal assistance. I know that you are probably reticent to provide additional bailouts with the criticism levied your way about being a Socialist, but this group needs help. And if the government doesn’t do it, I don’t know who will.

Let me give you a little background. I’ve been noticing that the declining economy has been affecting this industry for awhile. Parking lots that once were full languish half empty. People that once would spend their hard earned paycheck in these establishments, now only indulge on special occasions. There just has not been as much disposable income to stimulate the economy in these tough times. But Thursday really drove the point home. As much as one hears about Black Friday, there’s another big day that drives spending… at least in Atlanta. It is affectionately known as Booty Shaking Thursday!

Booty Shaking Thursday is the fourth Thursday in November. It’s a tradition that after all the football, after all the food and after all the family time, men (and lesbians) from all over the city descend on their favorite strip club to give thanks for what God has given…to the strippers (or if you would prefer me to be more politically correct, we can call them dancers.) What’s more American than leaving your family and indulging in hedonistic behavior? Well, this Thursday I saw the unthinkable: There were virtually no patrons at the club as I drove by. Quelle Horror! It’s often been posited that stripping was a recession proof occupation. People will always pay to see women in various states of undress. Well, I’m here to tell you, Mr. President-Elect. The old ways of thinking are wrong. We need fresh ideas in order to stimulate our economy. We need our government to bail out some strippers (and not in the normal way of bailing out because she got a little too “friendly” with an undercover or her cocaine fell out of her boot.)

The ramifications of BST are far reaching. Imagine if there were no strip clubs. It wouldn’t just affect the owners and employees. It would damage our economy. Sales of Coronas and Patron would plummet. Who would buy those clear heeled shoes? The local beauty shop’s business would dry up because no strippers = no lace front weaves and no hideous blonde wigs. Glitter would be used only by kindergartners with school projects. What about that guy in the bathroom that hands you a paper towel after you wash your hands? He would have to get his crack by robbing people instead of the tips of drunken patrons. What about babysitters? If these dancers don’t have to work until 4 in the morning, then they can take care of their own kids. And the big meaty looking bodyguards and bouncers? The NFL ain’t hiring them, so where will they work? They can’t fit in a cubicle! Where else can you find a pack of Blacks for $7, everywhere else they are 3 dollars! That’s $4 dollars a pack stimulating our economy. Think about the economy, Mr President-Elect.

While some people may oppose this plan, I urge you to look at it objectively. It wont cost nearly as much as bailing out GM, and unlike American cars, people actually like strippers. Can you imagine a world where there are more dancers than customers? I, for one, don’t want to live in a world like that. I know you are anti-lobbyist, but if it would help, I can send Persuasion, Peaches and Chocolate Tiger to Washington to plead our case. And don’t worry, I won’t tell Michelle.

Sincerely,

Rashan Jamal

Plans? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Plans!

Thanksgiving was pretty darn cool. We didn't do what we were supposed to do at just about any part of the day, but we made the best of it.

Wednesday, I drove back to Atlanta, after spending the early part of the week at Jameil's crib in Gainesville. The plan was to leave a few hours before her, so I could come clean up my place and get my car registration situation handled. I left about 11:30 when she went to class and was making my way up I 75 when one of my tires blew out on the highway. I was about a mile from the nearest exit, so I rolled on 3 wheels and made it to safety. Long story short, I had to get two new tires at the Wal Mart in Cordele, Ga and my 3 hour head start on Jameil was gone. She met me at the tire shop, and then we headed to my crib. I didn't get a chance to clean up or go to the grocery store, but it was all good. The only place in the area that was open when we got home, was Applebee's, so we got some burgers and some beer and came back to the crib. Didn't work out like I planned it, but no harm, no foul.

Thanksgiving, we were supposed to get up with one of Jameil's friends in the area for dinner. Let me backtrack on this one for a minute. We were invited like 2 months ago, but as the time drew near, there were no details emerging. I kinda felt like it wasn't gonna happen, but I'm a natural pessimist anyway. As Tuesday came by and we still didn't have details, I annoyed Jameil into calling the friend to make sure that it was still gonna happen. She was supposed to send an email with all the details and addresses, etc... Wednesday came, no email. Thursday came... no email. I was like forget it. Let's just go for self. So, we did. We went to Boston Market and got our own Thanksgiving dinner. Chicken, creamed spinach, mashed potatoes, sweet potato souffle, green beans, cornbread and an apple pie. We brought it back to the house and ate it with the bottles of wine that we had bought to bring with us to the non existent Thanksgiving dinner. (Incidentally, Jam got a text message around 3 telling us to come eat. By that time, I wasn't trying to go anymore.) It was probably better that it was just the two of us anyway.

Later that night, we were gonna go to Lenox Mall to watch the lighting of the Macy's Christmas tree. It's nothing like the Rockefeller Center tree, but it's pretty big for Atlanta. It started at 7. The plan was to leave at 6. Well, laziness set in and Jam was taking FOREVER to finish washing her hair, so next thing you know it was 6:45. We still went out there, and possibly could have made it to see the lighting, but there were a bunch of people there and it would have taken forever to get out of the parking lot, for 5 minutes, then turn around and leave. Instead, we went to an alternate destination. I found this while Jam was twisting her hair up. I kept it as a surprise. I can never keep a surprise from Jam. Either I spill the beans, or she figures it out. But this time, I managed to hold it in. We drove downtown to Centennial Olympic park. The whole time she's trying to figure out what we are gonna do. It was so cute, she was like a kid on Christmas morning.

What did we do? We went ice skating!!! Or should I say, Jameil went ice skating. I didn't manage to make it off the railing. Yeah, I'm too old and too uncoordinated to be busting my tail. I felt like I was gonna fall at any and every moment. It was not a good look. I got some pictures of Jam skating around the rink that I'll upload when I get a new USB cord for my camera. I somehow managed to break it. Anyway, after we left the rink, we walked around the park, taking pictures of ourselves in front of the big tree and the other holiday decorations. We are so cute! You should see the pictures. LOL

Anyway, so like I said, pretty much nothing went according to plan, but it was great nonetheless. I've been with Jam for 6 straight days and have managed not to annoy her to tears yet. 3 more days!!! We are supposed to hit up the GA Aquarium at some point this weekend, maybe hang out with one of my friends that wants to take me out for my birthday. I'm not even gonna make any plans though. You see how that's been working out for me.

Happy Birthday To Me

Where's my presents?!?! If you got my number, I better get at least a text from you!!! If not, hit up my comment section and show some love for the brilliance that is Rashan Jamal!!! Don't trip; It's my birthday. I'm allowed to be self indulgent for at least one day, right? If you don't wanna do that, then leave your funniest old man joke in the comments. At 5:38 PM, I will officially be 34 years old. I came along way from the little baby in the picture, huh?

The Obnoxious Vacation Post

You feel that? That's the palpable feeling of relief emanating from me. Why, you ask? CUZ I'M ON VACATION!!!!

No more stinkin work for me for 9 days (okay, I'm counting the weekends, but you get my point.) No more work for the rest of the month. I get to enjoy my birthday on Tuesday, Thanksgiving on Thursday and the rest of my time relaxing and doing nadadamthing. I can sleep as long as I want. I can veg out for the whole day if I like. No forcing myself to go to sleep so I can be semi capable at work. Do you hear me? I'M ON VACATION!!!

No real plans to speak of as of yet, but I'm starting it off by going to Florida for a few days. Then I think Jam is gonna come up here when her classes are over. Either way, its cool. You know why? CUZ I'M ON VACATION!!!

You may or may not see posts from me in the beginning of the week, since internet service is sporadic down at Jameil's, but if you don't hear from me, have a great week. I'm sure I will... CUZ I'M ON VACATION!!!

Okay, obnoxious moment is over. Time to hit the highway. Peace Out!!!

The Best Blog Post...EVER!!!

Not really, but have you noticed that everything is the best thing ever? Or how every little occurrence is historic? Or how people make up meaningless records when writing about insignificant things. I hate that. Hyperbole gets on my nerves. As a former English major, I understand the purpose of it, but the overuse of exaggeration is so annoying. In fact it's the most annoying thing EVER!!! (see what I did there? That's hyperbole!) It's my own fault for having Yahoo!! as my homepage. Their so called news headlines are nothing but sensationalism. I just happen to like their search engine better than Google. (Since Google owns Blogger, do you think they will try to edit this post? LOL) But their news and entertainment, even their sports headlines reek of misleading, overblown headlines. I mean, really do I really care if the NFL has never had an 11-10 game? No, but even if I did, it's a stretch to call it historic. I'm sure there's never been a game that ended 300 - 2 either. Now, that would be historic. And to say that the latest James Bond movie had a record breaking box office performance... for Bond films: that is not a real record. There is no entry in the Guiness Book of Records for this category. If there was, then I'm sure that Breakin 2 would hold the record for best box office for a movie featuring a bunch of ghey looking dudes spinning on their heads while pretending to be hip hop. (See what I did there? I made up a fake record! LOL) And to say that Samuel Jackson is the biggest box office draw... EVER is patently ridiculous. Dude was barely in Star Wars. And he is in every other movie ever made. (See, more hyperbole!) How you gonna count that for his total? Stop exaggerating. When is the last time you went to see a movie because Samuel L was in it? Deep Blue Sea? Unbreakable? (Yes, I know you are gonna say Soul Man, but for the purposes of this joke, just forget about that one. LOL)

So, in conclusion... STOP WITH THE HYPERBOLE! It's not the best week ever! It's not the most historic non event ever! Those are not real statistics and records! You are getting on my nerves with all that and that's no exaggeration. You know what? If you can't beat em, join them. I'm gonna start making stuff up too. Here goes nothing...

This is the first time in my blog that I've linked to Wiki Answers! That's historic.

This post marks the 511th consecutive blog post that I've used the word "the." That's a record for bloggers named Rashan that live in the Atlanta Metro area and have a birthdate of 11/25/1974! (don't really click. I just linked right back to myself - LOL)

Ellipses are the best... form... of... punctuation...ever!

THIS IS THE BEST BLOG POST...EVER!!!

Therapy

I had a breakthrough earlier this week. I finally understand why I am the way that I am. I get it from my mama…and my father. I learned this during my therapy session (sleep therapy that is)…

Perhaps, if I felt that something was wrong with me, I could have realized this earlier, but darn it, I like me. I feel like if you have a problem with me, that’s your problem. So, no… therapy is not an option for me. That’s what my blog is for. Or that’s what my amazing coping abilities are for. Or my avoidance… wait, that’s probably not a healthy response. But as I was saying, my breakthrough came to me in a dream. The details of the dream escape me. I don’t even remember my parents making a guest appearance, but the general theme was blaring in its clarity: I am my parents’ child. Physically, there’s no doubting that. You can see elements of both my mother and my father in my visage, my mannerisms, my thought process. This is a little deeper than chromosomal traits. The way that I am is like they way they were. Let me give you a couple examples.

I love my family. Really, I do. But I’m not the call all the time type of person. I easily can go a month without calling and checking on people. It’s not that I don’t I want to know what they are up to, it’s just I feel like if they have something to tell me they will. Consequently, I play the black sheep role. I’m not complaining, its only temporary and it’s of my own doing, but I realized that may just be a learned behavior. My father used to do this same thing. We would go months without hearing a word from him, then when we visited him in the summer, it was like Father’s Knows Best up in there. I always wondered how a man could virtually forget about his children when they weren’t around, and be a loving parental unit when they were around. I vowed to myself that when I became a father I wouldn’t be like that. My convictions about that are very strong, so no worries about me failing that way. I guess, however, I failed to see how I do that with other people though and how it relates to him. Here’s another example…

When I get in a relationship, I give it my all, sometimes to the detriment of other previously established relationships. I know this about myself: my girl will take precedence over my friends. On its own, that’s a good thing. A real friend should understand that. During my previous long periods of singletude, I’ve warned friends, when I get a girlfriend, I’m gonna disappear for a minute. However, I tend to take things to the extreme. For example, I hung out with a friend last night that I hadn’t seen in 4 months. Now, not all of that was because I’m boo’ed up, but I haven’t even wanted to hang out with anyone else since me and Jam started dating. I got a call last week from my mom. The message went something like this… “Just because you all in love, don’t forget about your mother, and grandmother etc.” That brought certain memories back because my mother did the same thing back in the day. I remember when I was in high school, my mom was engaged to a man that had a daughter that was about a year older than me. She spent way more time with her fiancé and his daughter that she did with me and my siblings. She once forgot to come home to take me somewhere, because she was with them. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t care cuz I got to do whatever I wanted without interference, but I have to wonder: Is that where I get it from? I’m sure if my mother would vehemently disagree were she ever to come across my blog, but I think that’s where I subconsciously learned it.

Another thing I learned from my parents was avoidance. Or maybe a better word is repression. We don’t talk about stuff like hurt feelings and disappointments. Why confront when you can pretend it didn’t happen? Why bring up an issue when you can wait for it to disappear on its own? Jameil can’t stand this. I can’t say that I blame her, but that’s the way we were raised. Talk about good things, ignore the bad things. It works for us. I personally would rather be the family that is civil to each other than the family that screams, yells and feuds with each other. Don’t get me wrong, I know there’s a happy medium in between these two polar opposite positions. Maybe I’ll find it one day. I realize that I take this tactic with my friends too. I honestly can say that I don’t always tell my friend what I’m thinking. Scratch that, I never tell them what I’m feeling unless I cushion it in my trademark sarcasm. Is it any wonder that when I have something to say, it doesn’t get taken seriously?

So, with this in mind, over drinks at Eclipse Di Luna last night, I broke from my normal pattern. I laid out my issues with my friend. I told her why I haven’t been calling or answering. I confronted the possible hurt feelings; I unburdened myself for the betterment of our relationship. (Lest you think I’m being dramatic, it really only was like 3 sentences and matter of fact. I’m not an emotional type) I guess that dream affected me more than I initially thought. Let’s see if I can modify some of my other learned behaviors. Probably not! I like who I am. Thanks Mom and Dad!!! You guys are awesome!!!

Thursday Thirteen: 13 Areas In Which Blacks and Whites Can Find Common Ground

Its been well documented (by comedians) that black people and white people are different. While on the surface, this is true, there are certain areas in which we can find common ground. Here are thirteen of those. *disclaimer* - These are in no way meant to apply to all black people and all white people. I am fully aware that people have many divergent opinions*

1. Keeping up with the Joneses - Both whites and blacks have a problem with this one. Whether its buying a house that you can't afford, or driving the newest, biggest, gas guzzlingest SUV, both groups often spend beyond their means. You don't believe me? What do you think this Fed bailout is about? People make unwise financial decisions is not exclusive to one race.

2. Smoking - You might hate white people but if you go to smoke and you don't have a lighter, you gonna ask the redneck with the confederate flag on his hat for some fire. Or you may be scared of the big imposing black man, but you'll get over that fear if it means a nicotine fix.

3. Throwbacks/Vintage - Black people call it throwbacks. White people call it vintage. But either way, its an old style and both of us like to bring back the retro vibe. Everything goes in cycles.

4. Baby Got Back - This song speaks to both black and white people. Throw it on at a function and you'll see the dance floor become integrated like Congress just passed a resolution.

5. Scantily clad women - This is one is for men, mostly. We give each other that look when one of them passes by. Race doesn't matter when it comes to perving out.

6. Drinking - You want to improve race relations in this country? Get a bottle and some shot glasses. People don't discriminate when they are drunk. White people love to buy Negros drinks and we love to accept them. LOL

7. Oprah - Just look at her audience. It's like MLK's dream up in there. Whether or not they maintain that when her show is over is irrelevant. Oprah is the poster child for inclusiveness.

8. Reality TV - We do watch different kinds of shows. They like The Bachelor and we (not me) like Flavor of Love, but the premise is pretty much the same. And I think American Idol is pretty much watched by all.

9. Weed - See drinking above. People can get high with anyone. And they like to compete to see who has the best stuff.

10. Mexicans - Or should I say not liking Mexicans. Some people think that black people can't be racist. Yeah, right!!! You should hear how some of us talk about Mexicans. It's eerily similar to the Jim Crow vibe from back in the day. Neither black people or white people want to live around them. And we both want them to speak English!

11. Sporting Events - For 3 hours on Sundays, there is no black or white. Just (insert team colors here.) We will hoot and holler and cheer with complete strangers of another race like we've been best friends for years. Just watch out in the parking lot. Old rules apply as soon as you leave the stadium.

12. The Wire - I have never seen a so called "black" show, that so many white people love. The show simultaneously appealed to both races by showing complex characters, not just racial stereotypes and the writing was top notch.

13. Barack Obama - November 4th proved this one. LOL

What's The Topic Of Tomorrows Thursday Thirteen?

Take a look at tomorrows Thursday Thirteen list and try to guess the topic. Can you tell what these things have in common? I'll be back tomorrow with the actual topic and explanations, but for now, back to work! Peace!!!

1. Keeping up with the Joneses
2. Smoking
3. Throwbacks/Vintage
4. Baby Got Back
5. Scantily clad women
6. Drinking
7. Oprah
8. Reality TV
9. Weed
10. Mexicans
11. Sporting Events
12. The Wire
13. Barack Obama

La Dolce Vita

So, I get home from work at 9 on Friday. Jameil is waiting for me after hours and hours of watching tv and using the internet. We were gonna hit up my fave old spot Eclipse Di Luna for tapas and caipirnhas, but I was actually hungry, so we decided to get something more substantial. We decided to hit up a restaurant in Atlantic Station and after perusing the menus online chose “Dolce.” I had never been there and it looked pretty cool online, so we headed there. After a couple of misadventures in parking in the garage, we arrived and found the spot. I was concerned that it would be packed as most Atlantic Station restaurants were back when I used to hang out down there. But when we got in, it was virtually empty.

The first thing I noticed was that the décor was really cool. And it was dark and romantic. I felt like I was underdressed, but the woman at the table next to us was rocking a tee-shirt, so we were cool. They had a live jazz band playing and although, I’m not really a fan of jazz (don’t shoot me) it was mellow and smooth and I dug it. Then I realized why I liked it: The band was playing contemporary music in a jazz style. Here are some of the songs they were playing:

Swagger Like Us
Chopped and Screwed
I Ain’t Mad At Cha
California Love
Flashing Lights
Lollipop
Mrs. Officer
I’m So Hood
Bust Your Windows
Green Light


Okay, now let me tell you about the annoying waitress. She sounded like a reject from that Hills show on MTV. We’ll just call her LC, cuz I don’t remember her real name. LC was waaaaaaaay too excited, talking 100 mph about everything on the menu. Jam and were like “We already know what we want” but it was hard to get a word in edgewise with her. She wanted to delineate every drink, special, appetizer and entrée. I was just looking at her like “breathe, child, breathe.” With all that speed, you woulda thought that the food would come quickly. You would be wrong. The drinks took forever, the appetizer took forever and a day and the entrée took forever, a day, and 37 minutes. Then once the food finally came, she kept checking on us like every 2.2 minutes. Give me a chance to taste my food before you ask me how it is. She was annoying, but despite that I was still digging the restaurant.

So, Jameil and I are eating. I had the Lobster Ravioli, she had some duck pasta thing that I would be doing a horrible disservice to by trying to spell. They both were really good. We’re eating and talking and texting Joy (who we met up with the next day) and listening to the Jazz band smooth out the latest hood hits, when all of a sudden I hear this:

**insert record scratching sound here**

What was that? Is there a DJ in the house now? 5 minutes later, the jazz band stops playing and the loudest, thumping-est, pulsating-est bass line you’ve heard in your life starts reverberating in the place. Okay, I’m exaggerating, but it was loud. And hood and totally killed the romantic vibe that Dolce had. If that wasn’t bad enough, some clown gets on the microphone and starts doing a radio promo.

“This is such and such from Hot 107.9. Welcome to Dolce…we about to get crunk… home of the sexiest…”

Honestly, I had no idea what he was saying. It was just a bunch of noise to me. People started milling about the restaurant, mixing and mingling like it was a club. Meanwhile, we still got food on our plates. Apparently after a certain time it becomes a club scene. It would have been nice for LC to let us know that during one of her way too frequent trips to the table. It was tres strange. How you gonna have a nice sit down Italian restaurant spot where the drinks cost $10 and has romantic lights, turn into a club? It wouldn’t have been so bad had I known and was finished with my meal, but for real, I don’t want to eat listening to Young Joc. That ain’t good for my digestion. LOL

Anyway, the vibe was killed, so we were just ready to get up out of there. I didn’t even stick around to get my Grand Marnier after dinner. I’ll know next time I go somewhere in Atlantic Station to make sure it doesn’t turn into a lounge. I guess I should have known when even the jazz band was playing hood hits what was in store for the evening. I didn’t like what they did… ALTHOUGH…. I woulda paid money to see the reaction of that older white couple that left about a half hour before the club started. That would have been comedy. I’m sure they wouldn’t have been more appalled than Jam and I.

YES, WE CAN!!!

Can We Get On Your Nerves… Yes, We Can!!!

Being the jerk that I am, I’ve taken to subtly annoying those around me that did not join the Obama movement; Those that thought “No we can’t”. Yeah, you guys were wrong. For the first time in 8 years, its my turn to gloat. Certainly, we can’t be so jerky as to rub the victory in the non believer’s faces.. Wait… YES, WE CAN!!! It’s fun and the best part about it is that, I just work it into regular conversation so they know I’m being sarcastic, but they can’t prove it. Here’s some examples:

Someone at works asks me about a company policy. She say we cant do such and such… YES, WE CAN!!!

Talking to a client manager who asks me if I can do such and such… YES, WE CAN!!! (okay, I don’t know if he was on the team or not, but he was a Red Stater – LOL)

The unit manager that asks "Can we all commit to coming to work on time?" YES, WE CAN!!!! (except for today, I needed a haircut. LOL)

See, it’s fun. You all should try it out when you get a chance. The looks on their faces or the pauses in their voices are priceless. You wont have long to gloat, might as well get it out before the Inauguration!!! Let me know how that works out for you.

Letter To My Children

11/05/08

My Dear Beautiful Children,

I'm writing this letter on November 5th, 2008, years before God blessed me with your birth. Last night, history was made when America elected it's first African-American president. Hopefully by the time you are old enough to read this and fully grasp the monumental importance of this day, you'll think that your old man is overstating and exaggerating. My dream for my children is a world in which distinctions of race are no longer common place in politics and employment. I pray the phrase "the first black" will not be necessary words in your lexicon. Maybe in your lifetime, African Americans will be considered just plain American, like other ethnic groups. I long for the day these barriers are no longer applicable.

I don't know if that day will come, but I have to tell you..America took a major step last night. We elected Barack Obama as our 44th president. An African-American with a funny name like your Daddy, was elevated to the highest office in the land. I never thought that I would see this in my lifetime. It wasn't too long ago that race was a prohibitive factor in our lives. The Civil Rights Movement was just a few years before I was born. I want go into too much detail, because I know your mother and I have instilled these roots deeply in you. Suffice it to say, the pride that I feel today is a direct result of the struggles our people have endured. But the thing that's so beautiful about this election is that it was not and could not have been done without other races. White people, Latinos and other races came together to support this candidate. History will tell you the facts, but what it can't tell you is how it feels. It's difficult to express the emotions that I feel today. Believe me, I tried in vain for hours to find the right words. I can only hope that the raw emotion I feel reverberates in this letter.

As proud as I am of Obama, don't mistake that for naivete. I'm fully aware that racism is alive and well. I know that a significant portion of this country would rather see him dead than as their president. I don't yet know if his administration will be a success. In spite of this, what the Obama victory represents for me and countless others is hope. Hope that people will look at my child and see a person, not solely a black person. Hope that in our country, a little black child can dream big and achieve even bigger. Hope that you will believe me when I tell you that you can do whatever you set your mind to, including become president. And hope that you never let your hope die. If Barack could do it, so can you! I'll see you in a few years.

Love Always,

Rashan Jamal - oops, I mean Daddy.

My Left Thumb

...voted for Obama/Biden!!!

Thanks to all the early voting, the line was relatively short. I got there at 9 on the dot. Cast my ballot at 9:49, got some breakfast and now I'm done!!! I still have about an hour before I have to leave for work! Best believe I'm rocking my "I'm A Georgia Voter" sticker.

Random Observations:

I live in a culturally diverse area of DeKalb County. There are black areas, white areas, mixed areas and countless immigrant areas. When I voted in the primary, there were all different races represented. Today, however, it was pretty much 90% black voters at the polls. I counted 7 white people and 4 of them came in together.

I voted in an elementary school. Kids are so cute with their "Just Say No To Drugs" propaganda. There were all kinds of anti drug pictures on the doors of the classrooms. Poor, naive souls. LOL

Saw a sign on the walls that alarmed me. The theme of the month for the school was "Be A Citizen." One of the questions was "How many strips are on the flag?" Do you mean stripes? Also, it said "How many stars are their on the flag?" Do you mean there? It woulda been one thing if this was a student thing, but it was actually typed and printed. What's going on with the schools?

Somebody behind me smelled like an entire ounce of weed. I'm just saying, take a bath before you come to the polls and stand in line with hundreds of other people please.

Is there an unwritten rule that in order to be a poll worker, you have to wear a bad wig? Maybe just in my precinct.

On one of the classrooms, they had a poll of who the students would vote for. Obama 17, McCain - 0.

I got a parking space right in the front of the school. I started to park around the corner like everybody else, but something told me to take a chance. I was rewarded.

Had my camera but couldn't use it. Wish I coulda documented this experience.

The touch screen voting is really easy. I would recommend that all states use this.

It sure felt good seeing all these black people voting. I have the urge to call my grandma and have her tell me about the old days.

I don't do the smiling thing... but I had an involuntary smile come on my face as entered the voting booth. I know I musta looked-ed silly, but I didn't care. I BARACKED THE VOTE!!!!

Time: 11/02/08 8:00 PM.
Place: The Swamp Restaurant - Gainesville, Florida...

I had just polished off my Hawaiian Burger... The majority of Jameil's Hickory Burger was in a take out box. Also, the waitress just brought the key lime pie that we ordered to go. I'm watching the Simpsons on mute, while waiting for the server to bring the check. Jameil opens the box and tastes the pie. Then she gives me a little piece. We are sitting inside, directly next to the door that leads to the outdoor dining area. An older (60's???) white woman comes inside...

"What were you just feeding him?"

Jam and I look around for a minute to make sure she was talking to us...She was...

"Key Lime Pie"

The woman stands there with her mouth wide open. I didn't get it at first. Okay, now I get it. She's pretending like she wants to taste some of our pie. We laugh and she starts to walk off. Then she comes back...

"Have you guys voted yet?"

We tell her that we are going to vote on Tuesday. I start to mention something about my experiences trying to early vote, but then realize that would prolong the conversation so I hold my tongue. The woman starts telling us about the importance of voting and how people have to vote...unless they are McCain supporters. They can stay home or vote on Thursday
We laugh some more, but through the jocularity, it hits me... as it hits me every time something like this happens... WE MIGHT HAVE A BLACK PRESIDENT!!!

I'm not one for inspiration or motivation, but even cynical old me can't help but feel inspired that in a nation that once considered us 3/5ths of a person, and didn't allow us to vote or even use the same water fountains, a person of African descent is being strongly considered to hold the highest office in the land. And he got there by appealing to all races in this melting pot. If that ain't the American Dream, I don't know what is... I don't know, I guess I'll get back to my regularly scheduled cynicism later, but conversations like this make me feel good about this country. Honestly, I didn't think it was possible. I've never been happier to have been wrong about something in my life. One more day!!!

Slacker Uprising

Diva, was right again…

R. Jizzy got put on hold again. See what had happened was…

Jameil was supposed to come to Atlanta, but we had to rearrange the visit. So, I’m in Florida now and have limited access to the internet. Actually since we haven’t left the crib all day until now, I’ve had no access. Diva is gonna say that is not an excuse… True, she did warn me that wouldn’t be acceptable.. but uh yeah I got another excuse. I was gonna write it early and just post it, but I’ve been working early and staying late. And standing in early voting lines for 2 hours at a time and still not getting to vote. Anyway, I know I suck, but you’ll get over it. You know I’m flaky… why you acting all surprised? Okay, bout to go eat some dinner, so I’ll holla at you later…

13 Odd Things I Can Do

1. I can say the most outrageous things and people will not get mad at me. Don't know why that is, but people often laugh it off instead of cursing me out. It's a gift and a curse though, cuz when I try to make people mad they don't follow suit. Or people get mad over stuff that I think is really innocuous.

2. I can identify what type of Latino or Asian someone is. I can tell the difference between Cubans, Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, and Colombians etc. I don't think Japanese people and Chinese people look alike. Same with Vietnamese and Korean. Don't go asking me about Laotians and Cambodians though. It only works with the major countries.

3. I can easily go 24 hours without eating or sleeping. Sometimes I just forget to eat. Sometimes I can stay up a full day without being tired. The flip side of that is when I do eat, I eat a whole lot and sometimes I'm almost narcoleptic like a couple of weeks ago when I was visiting Jameil. I swear I fell asleep every 20 minutes for 2 days straight.

4. I can remember minuscule details about stuff that happened weeks, months or years ago. But sometimes I forget what I was saying mid sentence. And there are entire sections of my life that I can't remember. Like college for instance. It's strange that I remember my 1st, 2nd and 3rd grade teachers names (Mrs. Polivy, Mr. Silverman, Mrs Bierman), but I can't remember some of my college professors names.

5. I find myself fully conscious during my dreams. What I mean is that I know that I'm dreaming while I'm dreaming. It still doesn't change anything that happens in the dream. Par example, I once had a dream that (that was in French with English Subtitles) about... well, it really doesn't matter what it was about. LOL. In the dream, I actually said "I'm dreaming. This isn't real." But that didn't stop it from feeling very real, even though I knew it wasn't.

6. I learn very quickly. I never study, but if I hear or read something, it will stick in my head and I'll be able to regurgitate it. I think because knowledge comes so easily for me, that I don't apply myself.

7. I can make up the harmony to songs. I can't sing a lick anymore, but I will arrange some harmony in my head. The melody? Not so much. I'm mad off key most of the time.

8. I think I mentioned this before, but I can recite all the Presidents backwards from Obama to Teddy Roosevelt. It gets a little murky in the 1800s though.

9. I can say the alphabet backwards. I read or heard somewhere that if you got pulled over for drunk driving, that was one of the sobriety tests. So, whenever I would be drinking (or smoking out) I would practice. I can do it better drunk than sober.

10. I can crack just about every bone in my body. Not so much a talent as something that freaks people out, but from my legs to my knees to most recently, my hip, I can pretty much do it on demand.

11. I have a knack for making people tell me their secrets. I think the trick is not asking, or showing any semblance of interest. That usually makes people spill the beans. I like it because I'm mad nosy, but the drawback is that I often learn stuff that I don't want to know. Or I learn stuff that I just can't keep to myself.

12. I can take a whole lot before losing my temper. Even when I do get upset, it never comes across the same way that it does with most people. I don't get violent or verbally abusive, I just say something sarcastic and then walk away. I don't wanna say that nothing bothers me, but a lot of things that would cause others to lose their religion, I can just shrug off. Maybe it's because I always expect the worst in people, so when they disappoint me, I'm not taken aback.

13. I don't have to go to the bathroom often. And no, nothing is wrong with my kidneys and yes, I do drink a ton of water. Perhaps it stems from my aversion to public restrooms, (cuz really what is more gross than doing your business with someone standing next to you) but I've trained myself to wait until I get home from work. Now, when I'm drinking, all bets are off, but otherwise, I can hold it.

Today I Should Have Been Anti-Anti-Social

It’s been well established that I am anti social. I just don’t feel like being bothered. I haven’t hung out with the girl that I would have until recently considered my best friend in almost 4 months. I haven’t called her, haven’t really responded in a timely manner to her text messages. I avoided 2 after work functions with the co workers last week. I regularly avoid invitations from people to go out. Not that I am ever doing anything else, but I just didn’t feel like hanging out with them. The thing is, I have readily accessible excuses for not hanging out. Sometimes, I don’t even want to NOT hang out, but I have conditioned myself so much that its like a reflex. Sometimes, its just a reflex….

For instance, let’s take today. I’m at work when one of the Unit managers calls us (the training team) into the office. At first, he’s looking all dire like we did something wrong. He’s fidgeting with papers on his desk looking all nervous…

“You know, I believe in being direct.”

I’m anticipating what could possibly have gone wrong already. It’s only been one day of training so far.

“Anybody want to go to the Thrashers game tonight?”

And then he hands us tickets. That jerk got us good. LOL. Also, they aren’t just regular tickets; they are tickets for our company’s luxury suite at the Phillips Arena. I’ve never gone luxury box before. I’m not much of a hockey fan, but it would be a good experience on the company dime. But in order to get that, I would have to hang out with these same cats I see all day at work. Without thinking, I say:

“Aaaahhh, I wish I would have known. I can’t make it tonight.”

Why did I do that? It was just a reflex. I didn’t even mean it. I wanna go. I guess I can try to say I rearranged my plans, but I’m sure by now, he’s already given my ticket away. Darn this reactionary nature. Darn this anti social behavior. There’s got to be a pill I can take to get rid of this.

Quote of the Day

"Damn, Bobby is nasty. He need to stop with that snuff. Teefs all brown and sh*t. I may not have many teef, but least dey be clean"

- Random Delivery Guy at Work...

That Guy

Ladies and Gentleman, I have a confession to make. I'm that guy. I'm the one that's focused on the present and the future, not the past. I'm that guy that may or may not answer the phone, and I'm certainly that guy that will not ever be calling you to see how you are or to catch up about old times. It's nothing personal, it's just who I am.



You may be wondering why I'm bringing this up. Even if you're not, I'll tell you anyway. LOL. A few months ago, I joined this facebook like reunion site for my high school (and later my college). It was cool for about a week. Seeing how old friends were, catching up in platitudes and cliches (life is good. I'm staying busy.) I really just wanted to see how much better I looked than them. LOL But then I got bored with it. I'd found everyone I wanted to find, and the novelty wore off. However, because I'm me, people from my past seem to love to reconnect with me. That in itself is not a bad thing.

Reminiscing is a good thing. But after the initial "how have you been for the last 10 years" session ends, so does my interest. I can only take so much of the "remember when" conversations. I do remember. Now, I'm gonna go do something else. Truth be told, we aren't really friends anymore. If we were, then I would have known that you have 2 kids by the lame dude in high school that people liked even less than me. I would have known that you got divorced; maybe might have even received an invitation to your wedding. I would have known you just did a stint in the Mount Pleasant Iowa State Correctional Facility for taking a joy ride on your neighbors tractor and destroying his crops. But I didn't know any of these things, so upon hearing about it, I'm interested. But after hearing, I'm done. It was a good story, but now let's move on. I'm sure you have way more stories to tell, but let's pace this thing out. You don't have to tell me everything that happened over the years. Leave something for your memoirs. Let me be surprised!!!

I guess what I'm saying is that I don't look at these reconnections as an opportunity to relive the past. My life, as uneventful as it is, is my life. I don't lack stimulation. I don't wish to recapture the glory days. I'm not bored or trapped in a loveless marriage and need to escape my life. I just want to say Hi, satisfy my curiosity and move on. Maybe we can go for drinks if we are ever in the same city, maybe I'll talk to you again in 6 months, but I'm not looking for a lifelong friend. I'm certainly not looking to be your "in case of emergency, break glass" d*ck in a jar. Really, I'm not. Sorry (not really) to be that guy, but I'm not gonna answer my phone all the time. I may or may not call you back. It depends on what I feel or what I'm doing at the time. Just because we were cool when we were teenagers, doesn't make you a priority as an adult. (By the way, wanna know how to ensure I will not call you back? Call me multiple times on the same day during business hours when most people are at work. Or call me mad early in the morning. That'll guarantee that I will be too annoyed to ever call you back.)

But you should know all this about me already. You know how I am. I'm a loner. More than likely the reason we stopped talking back in the day is because I disappeared on you. Maybe even relocated to another city without telling you. Maybe I just stopped calling when I got a girlfriend. Or found a new set of friends when I stopped working with you. Or maybe I just needed my alone time. You know what? Whatever the reason, I'm that guy. You might just be better off not even making an effort. I'd hate for you to get your feelings hurt trying.

So to recap... No, I'm not gonna call you when I go to Savannah. No, I'm not going to Homecoming. No, I'm not going to meet you somewhere so we can catch up. No, you can't stay with me when you come to Atlanta. No, I'm not gonna answer my phone when you call. No, I'm not even going to listen to the message, so don't bother leaving one. Let's just make this easier for all involved. Send me an email. I'm pretty good at responding to them, unless of course I decide to ignore those too. I'm that guy sometimes too. LOL

The All Black Cabinet

I'm getting pretty tired of all the political talk on blogs lately. It has more to do with the fact that I already know who I'm voting for and just wish the election would hurry up. I don't really need to read anybody else's opinion on the matter. Besides pretty much everyone I read thinks the same as I do. Obama is the man, McCain is not the man, and Palin is an idiot. I don't really need to read that same post every day. Never the less, I know its important to people, so I'll just deal with it for the next 3 weeks.

That being said, today's post is about politics. LOL.

Don't worry, this ain't one of those serious posts that decry Republican attacks, or talk about how good Barack is. This is some of that good old fashioned sarcasm that you've come to expect from Rashan.

White people are funny to me. I don't if they actually believe half of the negative things they say or not, but it's ridiculous to me when they talk about how Barack is possibly anti-white, possibly Muslim (like being Muslim is a crime) or anti American. They act like he is some big time militant hell bent on destroying America. Whether you agree or not with the man's politics, it's seems pretty clear that voting for him is NOT going to bring about some revolution. But that got me to thinking... Do these people actually think that Obama will go out of his way to appoint unqualified people to his cabinet in an attempt to bring down the country just because they are Black? Which led me to come up with some totally fake cabinet appointments that made me laugh. And yes, I often laugh at my own jokes even if other people think they aren't funny. LOL

Secretary of State - Louis Farrakhan - He'll be in charge of changing America into a Black state. Plus he got something going for him if he's still alive with all the stuff he's said over the years.

Secretary of the Treasury -50 Cent. Who got more money than this guy?

Secretary of Defense - TI - You know he knows where to find the guns.

Attorney General - OJ Simpson - Don't nobody know more about the court system than this guy.

Secretary of the Interior - Little Richard. Mainly because I have no idea what this department does, but it sounds like interior design, which I think Little Richard would have a knack for.

Secretary of Agriculture - Freeway Ricky Ross. No, not the rapper, but the drug kingpin. You know this dude knows how to plan a crop and sell it.

Secretary of Commerce - George Foreman. If he can get rich of some cheap ass grills, then he definitely can get our trade going.

Secretary of Labor - Robert Johnson formerly of BET. If he can keep horrible Black comedians and horrible Black musicians working for all these years, he may just be the answer to unemployment.

Secretary of Health and Human Services - Dr Dre. Come on, he's a doctor for Pete's sake!

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development - Tiger Woods - I know what you are saying. Tiger ain't Black. LOL But follow me on this one. He got so much money and so many houses, that he could easily turn some of them into projects or subdivisions or little townships, villages or incorporated cities.

Secretary of Transportation - The dude that came up with the Expedition. Cuz niggas love big trucks. LOL

Secretary of Energy - Flavor Flav - you need energy, you call a hypeman.

Secretary of Education - KRS ONE - Who better to lead the way on education than The Teacher? Even if he sounds ridiculous and would be better served to just rap than to try to inform us.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs -Barry Bonds. Just cause white people hate him. A 20 year veteran who couldn't find a job last year. I'm sure he'll fix that when he gets this job.

Director of National Drug Control Policy - Marion Barry. Need I say more?

I know, I'm crazy. You got any to add?