Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Whenever I tell people about the relationship I have with my brother and sister, they think we are nuts. See, we subscribe to a very simple philosophy: Don't Ask, Don't Tell. No, this isn't some Clintonian gays in the military policy, but really a way of life for us. If you don't ask, I won't tell. It's a simple way to avoid the family drama. You know those families where everybody has an opinion about every choice people make, that is so not us. We never have to worry about being in each other's business. It doesn't work for everyone, but it works for us. For example, I don't know whether my sister is dating the guy that visits her or if they are just friends. She doesn't know if my latest stay on the phone at all times partner is a girlfriend. She didn't even ask any questions when she met PHD. We like it like that. It's not about being secretive, but more allowing each other to live our lives sans interference. It makes stuff easy for us. A few years ago, however, don't ask, don't tell went wrong for me.

It was the summer of '05 and our cousin, Trevor was getting married. He's not a real cousin, but we all grew up together in Spring Valley, New York. His mom and my mom are best friends, and my moms is his Godmother. Technically, he is my god brother, but our families were much closer than we were to our blood cousins. Anyway, the wedding was in Dallas, and my brother, sister and I planned to make the drive out there. Far as I knew, it was just the 3 of us and my sister's 2 kids. Until they showed up at my crib to pick me up. This dude (now my sister's baby daddy) was with them. I was a little taken aback. Nobody mentioned anything about taking dates. I didn't ask. She didn't tell.

We piled in the van and went to pick up my brother. When we got to his crib, he was there with his girlfriend (now wife.) I was wondering why she was there, but it didn't strike me until they started loading their bags in the rental van. Oh, she's coming too? Word? Why ain't nobody tell me? My sister has a date, my brother has a date. Me? Solo. Damn don't ask, don't tell policy. I didn't even know that they were dating anyone, much less seriously enough to take a 10 hour road trip with. Did I mention that I had never met either of them before? It made for a wack van ride. I sat there listening to my cds the entire trip, while they shared banter with their significant others. It sucked... When we finally made it to Dallas, I just chilled in my room for the first night there. I don't know what everybody else was up to, but I was stuck there with no car and no desire to play 3rd or 5th wheel. I felt like somebody should have at least given me the opportunity to bring a date. I actually had someone that wanted to come with me, but I rebuffed her since I thought it was a family trip. That's what I get for thinking, I guess.

The second day, I hooked up with my cousins and their friends and managed to salvage some fun out of the trip. The bachelor party was hot. My brother didn't come through, I guess cuz he was with his woman, and my sister's friend wasn't there, which was actually cool because I didn't have to temper my strip club persona. That was the most money I ever spent in a strip club, but most of it was for my cousin. Our plan was to keep 2 girls in his lap at all times. Between me, his brother, and his homeboys... Mission accomplished. And the talkative stripper from South Africa that was hanging out with me all night... nah, I better not tell that story. LOL. See, more don't ask, don't tell stuff.

The third day had me back to the feeling left out thing. Just about everybody was hooked up at the wedding reception besides me. I probably coulda tried harder with the bridesmaids, (or invited the South African stripper) but the gold teeth and tattoos weren't doing it for me. Not to mention that they all went outside to smoke a blunt at the reception. My moms was there, I couldn't really bring myself to try to chase a weed smoking hoodrat in front of her. It woulda been really cool if I had a girl with me though. Don't ask, don't tell ruined that.

You may ask did we change after that? Not so much. We are still on that don't ask, don't tell stuff. But I know next time we take a trip, I'll have to cast aside my not wanting to know, and ask them straight up if this is siblings thing or a couple thing. I don't want no more surprises like that.

EDIT: PEOPLE WANNA KNOW ABOUT THE SOUTH AFRICAN STRIPPER SO HERE GOES.

We were at this club in Dallas. It was a multicultural thing. Black, White, Latina all kind of girls in there. All night I was pulling strippers to go dance for my cousin since it was his bachelor party. His brother was taking care of him for a minute, so I decided to sit down and get myself a dance. There was this one that had caught my eye, so I gathered up my loot and got my dance. When the song (or maybe it was 2 or 3 songs later LOL) was over, she didn't leave. I thought she was trying to hit me up for more money, but she wasn't. She was like do you mind if I just sit here for a minute. Here was on my lap, so of course I didn't mind. She started talking to me. Normally, I don't really go for stripper talk; I look at it as a business transaction. I pay you, then you leave. Besides, most strippers are usually drunk or high, and I get enough crazy conversations in real life that I don't need it in the club. This one was different. I could tell from her eyes that she wasn't intoxicated, but she certainly was intoxicating. I didn't really look at her face while she was dancing, but she was beautiful.

Her name was Amaya or Imaya or something like that. Even though she wasn't drunk, I was. I can't remember. I found out that she was from South Africa, had been in Dallas for about a year and was going to school for nursing. I know what you are thinking because I was thinking it too. The stripper working her way through college is a myth, but it actually was true. I know because at some point of our conversation, she decided that she wanted me to see pictures of her family. Amaya went to the back and got her wallet, showed me her family pictures as well as her school id. It was weird. Like I said, I usually tune out any stripper talk, since its inherently disingenous and designed to gas up heads, but we actually clicked for a minute. She even bought me a dance from one of her homegirls. When we were getting ready to leave, she told me to call her before I left town so she could show me the city.

Now, I didn't call for a couple of reasons. She had to work Saturday night, and I was going to be at the wedding reception. I was leaving on Sunday anyway. But more importantly, although I'm fairly secure in my stuff, I don't think I could handle being in a situation where other dudes are seeing my girl naked. Sorry, just doesnt work for me. Hypocritical, based on my love of strip clubs, I know, but it is what it is. She did call me once when she was in Atlanta for a weekend, but we could never hook up. Oh well, it just wasn't meant to be.

Now you know the story of Rashan and the South African stripper. She was cool people.