The Smirk

I got this little thing I do with my mouth... wait that sounds dirty, lemme rephrase. Bring it back selectah...

It's no secret that I often find myself incredulous at the stuff that goes on around me. When that happens, I usually break out into a smirk. That facial expression usually belies my true feelings about a situation or a person, no matter how much I try to hide it. I've tried to hold back the smirk, but it just doesn't work. Like a reflex, my head tilts a little, my brow furrows and a half smile comes over the left side of my face as if to say, "Really? You really just said that?" I can't help it. It's been known to lead to hurt feelings, misunderstandings or uncomfortable conversations, but there's nothing I can do about it. It's involuntary. Lately, The Smirk has been in full effect.

I was leaving work the other night when The Work Stalker stopped me. Its been about a month since we conversed, partially because I embarrassed the crap outta her and partially because I make an effort to stay far, far away from her. This night I was talking to my friend on my way out the building when she approached. "I heard they have some openings in your department. Can you tell me what kind of questions they ask in the interview?" Enter The Smirk. You really think I'm gonna help you get close to me again? After you blew up my phone, my IM, my email box? Really? I tried to keep an even face, but The Smirk wouldn't let me. It was obvious that I wanted no part of the conversation. "Oh, I'll just come find you later" Nah, don't do that.

I made it 33 years without being hit on by a guy. That's pretty impressive, especially since I live in Atlanta, home of the mythical down low brothas. But anyway, this guy was sitting with me because his computer was broken. At first, his questions just seemed like regular old questions. But as the conversation went on, I found myself fighting The Smirk. Did you really just ask me where the pictures of wifey and the kids are? Did you really say that 1 AM is your "hoeing time?" Did you really just ask me if I wanted to go to the club with you and your boys. Nah, bruh! I'm smirking now. You just tried me a little. Let me make this plain so there are no misunderstandings. "I don't really go to clubs, unless you talking about Strokers. (I don't have to link it for you to know thats a strip club, do I?)" His response..."oooohhhhh." Sorry buddy, me and you are on different teams. The Smirk was in full effect at that conversation.

I was reading this blog. I can't even give details because I don't want any blog beef. Well, I kinda do, but we'll refrain for now. The people I talk to regularly probably know who I'm talking about. Really, it's not so much a blog, as a plea for attention, and that's coming from a known narcissist. LOL. I can't even comment because I'm pretty sure anything I say would be considered mean. So, I'm reading (I have a sense of morbid curiosity) and something catches my eye. Immediately, The Smirk takes over. Luckily, nobody can see me, because if they did then they would know that I'm just a jerk a not a nice guy (at least not all the time) I'm like is it really that serious that you have to solicit comments? Really, The Smirk wants to know. The Smirk would also like to know what all these readers see in you, cuz we don't get it. Other than unintentional comic relief, the blog serves no purpose to me. *Smirk*

I'm pulling into the parking lot in front of my apartment. It's 3:30 in the morning and 35 degrees. A few feet away from me, 2 guys sans coats, jackets, hats or any other warming implementation are huddled together. At first I'm thinking, "oh, they smoking a blunt" only the familiar smell of marijuana is not wafting in the wind. Instead I see A FUCKING CRACK PIPE. The Smirk is coming out full blast. J's that close to my crib? I can't believe what I'm seeing. I know someone got merked at my complex before, but it ain't that hood to be having crackheads within my vicinity. I stood there with The Smirk on blast until they moved the hell away from my parking space. Am I gonna have to start locking my doors?

I was sitting at my computer writing a blog post. I got about halfway done and decided I didn't like it. Instead of trying to edit it, I just scrapped it and decided to write about something else. Enter The Smirk!!! Did I really put Making The Blog to the side to talk about the masculine version of the side eye? If anyone deserves The Smirk, it's me. Sorry about that. I'll try to resume the MTB series tomorrow. One!