The Faucet

I walked into the bathroom to wash my face. I turned the hot water knob and the water streamed out of the faucet. I splashed my face with the hot water washing the remnants of another day out of my pores. It felt great! Water continued to flow from the faucet. Eventually the flowing water decreased, with only droplets trickling out. The hot water still felt good, but the anemic water flow was nothing like it was when it was on full blast. I turned the knob clockwise trying to recapture the feeling of the free flowing water, but inexplicably it turned completely off. Such is the story of my life.

I started to just leave this post as is, sans explanation, but decided against it. As much as I like to make you guys think I am weird, its been pointed out to me that I am not really as abnormal as I present myself. So, let me go ahead and explain that metaphor.

When I find myself getting to know someone new, the possibilities are endless. I dive in headfirst and don't think about the logistics of it. And it feels great. The getting to know you and initial infatuation phases are the best. Every waking moment is spent either with or thinking about that special someone. Inevitably, that honeymoon phase wears off, and although I still may like the person, reality creeps in. I start to see that perhaps the person I was feeling so much, may not be the right one from me. Things that I may have ignored in the beginning start to become glaring. Spending time becomes more of a chore than an adventure. Obstacles arise out of nothing. Disagreements are not worked out as easily. I will have moments where the possibilities still exist but they become fewer and more far between.

Then it happens. The feelings shut off completely. Through no fault of hers, I just don't feel it anymore. I stop initiating phone calls. I stop trying to see her. When we are together, we don't talk or do other things like we used to. To borrow a phrase from BoyzIIMen, the water runs dry. My mind wanders to other possibilities, or even worse, to ways to isolate myself from her. I turn my feelings off like that metaphorical faucet. The worst part about it is, I don't know why this continues to happen.

I've had people belie my uncanny ability to turn it on and turn it off. I've hurt people that I cared about, although that has never been my intention. I wish I could explain it. It would make life a lot easier if the water continued to flow. It would make things a lot easier if there was a discernible reason for me losing interest as I do. I hope that I can break this pattern when I finally meet her. I can only think of one time in my dating history that my interest was maintained unfettered. And that wasn't such a good thing. When the relationship ended, I found myself still feeling the effects of that hot water, so much so that I was not able to give my all to any other possibilities for an unhealthy amount of time. But that's once out of all the years, and I'm mad old. Too old to still be following this same pattern of throwing myself into the deep end, only to quickly swim back to more shallow water.

I have issues I guess. I know this post is pretty much a polar opposite of my post on Friday. Honestly, I think I'm just writing this post because all I did this weekend was sleep and think. I should have known better than to sit around with no TV and no music. Whenever I do that, I get to thinking too much. And that's never a good thing. I need a distraction. Or I need therapy. Or both. I'll settle for some more sleep now. Have a great Monday.

PS - Myo - email or text me your address. Sorry, I didn't make it out this weekend, but I got something for you and your little girl. Hope you guys had a good time. One!