Twan-o-phobia*

I started not to tell this story because I was afraid that people would think I was being anti gay. That's not the case though. If it was a woman in the story I wouldn't hesitate to tell it, so why should I hold back? Anyway, sorry Diva. I know you've already heard the story, but I can't think of anything else to write...

There's this gay dude at the job that has been subtly trying to get at me. I think he was trying to figure out if I played for his or the other team. It started like a month ago. I was new in the department and apparently he had been out of work on some disability thing for awhile. When he came back to work, his computer access hadn't been granted, so he was sitting with me as I did my work. He introduces himself and over the course of the day, we make small talk related to the job and its functions. Later in the day, he decides to get a little more personal.

"I see you don't have any pictures of your wife and kids up."
"Nah, I'm not married."
"Hmmm..."

I went back to working. I didn't think anything of it. So what the gay dude was asking me if I was married. That's no big deal. Later in the conversation....

"So where do you live?"
"I'm out in Stone Mountain" I'm not really in Stone Mountain, but I've been so trained to hide where I live, that's always the automatic answer. I'm close to Stone Mountain. LOL.
"Do you live alone or do you have a roommate?"
"Nah, its just me. I got some family with me right now, but no roommate."
"I have a roommate, but I'm bouts to kick him out."

Okay, now I'm thinking, do we really have to keep talking? Again, at this point I'm not even putting 2 and 2 together, I'm just generally anti social and don't like talking to strangers.

"Word? Why what's wrong?"
"That bytch is getting on my nerves taking me for granted all the time."

OOOOHHHH!!! That kind of roommate. Anyway, I finally figured out where he was going with all the questions when he said..

"You should come to the club with me and my boyz" l'm imagining he spelled it with a z. LOL.

I had to shut that one down...

"Nah, I'm good. I only go to clubs where I can make it rain. Thanks though"

A couple of days later, he came back and was asking the same questions over and over again. I guess he didn't believe me.

"You said that you aren't married, right?"
"I'm not."
"And you have no kids"
"Not yet"
"Hmm.. So you must spend all your time with your girl when you get off work." You have to had been there to hear how he said girl. Girl meant boy, I think.
"I mean, I don't really have a girl. I got a few that I hang out with but nothing serious."
"Oh, so you a pimp. Rashan is a playa."
"I don't think I said that. But if that's what you wanna call me, I've heard worse."
"MmmHmm. Well why don't you bring your pimpin ass out with us this weekend. We'll show you how its really done"
"I told you, I only go to strip clubs. You wanna hit up Body Tap and I'm there."
"I know some people that'll strip for you..."

For real, this was getting a little weird. I pretended to get a phone call to dead that conversation real quick. As the night was coming to an end, he came up to me again.

"Do you take 75 to get home?"
Remembering my lie... "Nah, I take 285. Why?"
"I was gonna ask if you could drop me home. My ride is being a real bytch."
"I guess so. I don't get off until 10. Let me know if you don't find anyone else."
"Okay."

At 10, I tried to sneak out the building through one of the side doors, but my homegirl stopped me to talk before I could complete the ditch move. As we were talking, here comes GD. Apparently he didn't find a ride. I hugged my friend goodbye and we bounced to the parking lot. He told me what exit to get off on, and I sat there in the car making small talk, hoping someone would call me. They didn't, so I got to hear all about how much he pays for rent, how he can spend an entire paycheck in Ikea, how he was mad because his "roommate" was driving his car, how 1 in the morning is his "hoeing time", etc etc etc. I got off on his exit and then I realized something. I was in Midtown. Now for you non ATLiens... Midtown is homosexual central in Atlanta. Where the gay come to live and play. Where you see almost as many rainbow flags as American flags. Okay you get the point..oh wait... one more...It's a gayborhood. Okay, now I'm really done. LOL

"You can drop me off right here.."
"Aiight, I'll see you tomorrow." I'm ready to bounce, right.
"Oh there's my car right there. I'm gonna cut that bytch."

Why does the car have a bumper sticker that states "2Cute2BStr8"? I was like oookay. I found the highway again and rolled out.

Let's fast forward to Friday. You may remember my day of swagger where everything was going Rashan's way. I told you about the girl that came to my desk and was playing in my hair. GD was giving her the side eye, (yes, the side eye) as she was leaving. Lips were all contorted in a "who is that bytch" kinda way. Then when the girl did the model walk for me... that sealed it for him. He realized that I don't play for his team and was a little salty about it.

"Oh, you like that?"
"What you talking about?" I played dumb, but I knew what he was talking about.
"Mmm, so you feeling ____ now?" I don't feel like thinking up a blog name right now, although in the time it took me to write this sentence, I could have already came up with one.
"Man, I keep business and personal separate." At least I've been trying to.
"Whatever, I seen you looking at that. She looked-ed a hot mess"
"Okay, GD."

Now every day this week, GD got another sarcastic, catty remark to make. What'd I ever do to him?

"Rashan is just a big pimp. You should see these trifling heifas that come visit him."

or the line from Monday...

"You hittin' that too?"

or my favorite from today...

"Can you tell your girls to fix their weave before they bring they stank asses over here?"

Shit is just hilarious, yo!. GD is really hating on these women. This is the first time I've been approached albeit subtly by a man in my 33 years. That's my story and I'm sticking to it, Diva! Man, I wonder what tomorrow's comedy will be.

* I hate how everything is labeled homophobia. Just because that lifestyle isn't for me, doesn't mean I hate gay people. And I'm definitely not afraid of gayness. Just another one of my pet peeves. I guess.