That Itch
I'm what you might call a serial monogamist. I'm that guy that's always in a relationship. I've had 3 year, 2 year and 1 year girlfriends. I'm no good at the whole dating just to be dating thing. I've tried it over the last couple of years, and it just doesn't work for me. Inevitably, I get bored as soon as I can tell its going nowhere. It's not so much that I want to get married, as I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm not that easy to put up with, so that's a long shot. But it's more that I like to form connections with people. Once you are in my life, its very hard to extract yourself from my circle. Even if it's not in a romantic way, I usually stay friendly with the people that I've been intimate with.
Why am I thinking about this now? I don't know, I think I'm starting to get that itch. The ice that formed around my heart is melting away now and I think I want a girlfriend again. Calm down, it's just a theory. Real life may dictate differently, but I kind of miss having someone to spend all my time with. But at the same time, I've gotten used to retreating to the solitude of my crib and not having to completely share my world. It's oxymoronic (or just moronic), I'm aware. What kind of guy wants a girlfriend, but also wants to be left alone? Rashan, that's who.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not looking for a woman to take away my loneliness. I don't think I have that emotion. I'm (some would say way too) comfortable being by myself. But at the same time, going out on the town, or even staying in, running my fingers through her hair while she lays on my lap sounds appealing as well. And my reasons for not having a girlfriend now have nothing to do with sowing oats. It's been quite some time since I had some oatmeal. I chalk it up to bad timing, bad luck and just a general lack of trying. Most of all, its all about not settling. I refuse to be in a situation that doesn't live up to my meager expectations. I'm not that picky, but I do have certain dealbreakers. Dumb girls, no matter how hot they are, will not capture my attention. Women with poor attitudes (i.e. complaining about everything or hateful) won't last with me. People with no real sense of humor will be shown the door expeditiously. I love to laugh and make people laugh, and if we can't agree on that, it just wont work out. (Did I ever tell you that PHD had never seen an episode of Chappelle's Show? I shoulda known then, that ish wasn't gonna last. LOL)You'll notice that none of my requirements refer to the physical. I'm not saying that's not important, but for me those other qualities trump that one. I'm saying, ugly people need love too. LOL
I think I've gotten off track, but that's nothing new on this blog. I often start off one place and end up somewhere totally different. But let me get back to the point. I was talking about that itch. I'll probably change my mind about this by next week and decide that in fact I don't want a woman. I'll meet someone that sparks my interests and like the fickle man I am, revert to that guy that wants a girl when he wants a girl, and when he don't want a girl, wants a girl that understands that. (fast forward to 2:30). Or maybe I wont. Maybe I'll get my brain to align with my heart and remember that feeling I have when I'm in a relationship. Remember how much I like making those connections and stuff. Okay, I'm officially rambling now. Lemme stop writing and catch some ZZZZ's. Have a good day.
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