Masterpiece Theatre - NOT!!!

This is another one of those satirical joints. It's a fake commercial for one of those Chitlin Circuit, gospel plays that always star washed up pseudo celebrities from the past. I probably should have waited until the holiday was over so more people would read it, but I didn't have anything else to post about. Enjoy and tell me how crazy you think I am in the comments. LOL

Coming to a city near you... It's the inspirational story of a young man trying to do the right thing while facing temptation from all angles.

Female Voice: "Heeeey, Shaquan! When you coming over boo?

A man who seemingly has it all...

Male Voice: I am a strong buh-lack man. I have my own house, my own car, no kids and a fine black woman. I'm living the American Dream.

A man harboring a secret that could shatter his perfect world. Shaquan is in love!

Male Voice: "I don't know why you keep trippin', Quan! You are gay!

...With a man!

America's pre eminent African American writers, David E Talbert and Tyler Perry finally collaborate on this emotional tale of love, life and redemption:

Big Mama, Can Jesus Save Me From the Down Low?

Starring: Kristoff St John from "Young and the Restless" as Shaquan.

Shaquan: "I do like women...but there's just something about a man that makes me sweat. I don't see why I should have to choose"

Lark Voorhies as Jerinica,his girlfriend too blinded by love to realize the truth. And "Different World's Charnele Brown as her best friend Sherica who tries to school her.

Sharica: Girl, I saw your man at the gym hugged up with some fione brotha. Why are the good looking ones always gay?

Jerinica: "Quan is NOT gay. He was just working out and pumping iron"

Thea Vidale as Miss Lula Belle.

Miss Lula Belle: "Girrrl, he was pumping something all right. Something's getting worked out."
Female Voices: OOOOOOH CHILE!!!! I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT!!!

Also starring, recording artist Play from Kid N Play reunited with Full Force's Bow Legged Lou for the first time since House Party.

Play (dancing and spinning): Do you think Shaquan is gay? I hear that brother is on the DL

BL Lou: What do you think? That brother gets his eyebrows waxed, his nails done and when was the last time you've seen a straight guy know that much about drapes?

Big Mama, Can Jesus Save Me From The Downlow? is the touching story of a confused man that wants to get right with the Lord. Comedian Reynaldo Rey gives a gripping performance as The Good Reverend Doctor Cleophus Jackson

Shaquan: Preacher, why can't I love a man and still get into heaven?

Cleophus Jackson: Shaquan, the Lord says to love your brothers... not LOVE your brothers.

Watch as Shaquan's inner demons drive him to drink.

Shaquan (drunkingly): I don't know what to do. The Bible says one thing, but my heart says another.

Also starring Calvin from 227, Curtis Baldwin as Junebug:

Junebug (also drunk): What you need to do is stop playing for the other team, and find your strong black queen. And I'm not talking about a drag queen.

Big Mama, Can Jesus Save Me From The Downlow? also stars the black guy from Color Me Badd and from TV's Designing Women, Meshach Taylor.

Black Guy From Color Me Badd: It's not so bad being gay, Quan. Look at me. I have a condo in Midtown, a cute little Mini Cooper and look at my cute little man bag. No straight man could ever pull this off.

Meshach: You ain't exactly pulling that off either, honey! You look like Little Richard and Liberace's love child. But for real, Quan. That downlow stuff is for the birds. Embrace the rainbow, brother!

Also comic relief from 2 Big MC and Poetic Justice's Joe Torre

2 Big MC: I blame his mama. She shoulda known he was gonna be gay when she put that Q in his name!

Joe Torry: I'm saying his mama might as well named him Twan and put him in dresses.

And fresh off her command performance at the Pearly Gates, in the role that she was born to play, What's Happening!!'s Mabel King as Big Mama!

Big Mama: Now, Quan... ain't nothing in your life so bad, that Jesus can't forgive.

Shaquan: I hear you Big Mama. But, how can I stop this lust in my heart?

Big Mama: Baby, you gots to let go and Let God! That's the only way you'll get by in this crazy world.

(Gospel Music plays in the background)

Big Mama has the answers, but will Shaquan listen? Come find out when Big Mama, Can Jesus Save Me From The Downlow comes to your city!!!

Big Mama, Can Jesus Save Me From The Downlow coming to a civic center, convention hall or state fair near you this fall. Discounts offered for church groups, packs of bitter woman, and DL guys that think we can't tell they are gay.

Thursday Thirteen: Things Me and My Brother Say!

Me and my brother have our own language sometimes. Most of it is from TV shows or movies that we watched together over the years. Here are 13 of our favorite sayings that most people wont get:

Thursday Thirteen: 13 Things Me and My Brother Say!

1. Chato will take you to the Airstrip: From this tv show called Kingpin about Mexican drug kingpins. Chato was a viscious killer. That phrase right there meant you were about to meet Jesus, and I’m not talking about the Mexican bodyguard either.

2. Ow, my liver!!! Came from Beavis and Butthead. We used to watch that all the time. That episode stuck with us for some reason.

3. I gots to find Mecca ! – Mecca was a guy. The movie was called Thug Life and it starred Nephew Tommy from the Steve Harvey show before anybody knew who he was. The Lady of Rage (remember Afro Puffs) was in it too. This movie was horrible, or should I say horribly entertaining. It was such a bad movie, that me and my brother couldn’t stop laughing at it. There was also a gang scene in which the gang members chanted… KILL KILL KILL –REVENGE!!!!. I recommend if you ever have about 84 minutes to waste to check this movie out. But only if it comes on cable. Hilarious.

4. Brother’s don’t shake hands, brother’s gotta hug! – Chris Farley in Tommy Boy. What’s so funny is that my brother and neither hug nor shake hands. We adhere to a very strict no touching policy unless violence is involved. LOL. We also like "Fat Guy in a Little Coat"

5. Hello, QVC? This one requires a video companion. Brian Fellow off Saturday Night Live is hilarious. It’s nothing for me to call my brother and when he answers say “Hello, QVC…It’s Brian Fellow. I want to buy a birdcage with solid gold bars." Forgive me, I’m having a moment. I'M BRIAN FELLOW!!!

6. Hey son… wanna see my missles? Followed by “No I never want to.” Okay, let me explain. When my brother was like 6 or 7, he drew this picture of a big monster talking to a little monster. That was the caption. I verbalized the characters for him. The first guy had a gruff abrasive voice. The little one had a innocent baby voice. It still cracks me up and right now I’m realizing that you are just blinking at your computer screen like this dude has lost it.

7. Can I borrow your… The object of this one is to think of the most obscure or unlikely thing for the other to have. For example, Can I borrow your.. Celine Dion boxset? Or can I borrow your first edition of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice? Try it, its fun...

8. Man, ain’t no eagle! Read this post for a greater explanation. But the eagle was some money that was supposed to be coming our way.

9. You don’t have the largest arms in wrestling cuz I have the largest arms in wrestling. We used to watch WWE all the time and there are tons of hilarious sayings. This was one of the most ridiculous. Scott Steiner vs Triple H. Another favorite is TAKER... You haven't broke me.. I'm still standing...

10. Can it be babies? - From Buffy the Vampire Slayer. There was a guy that got turned into a troll. He liked to eat babies. I'm aware how strange this sounds, but it's really funny. I know in real life, baby eating is frowned upon, but its just a tv show. It's funnier if you actually see the clip, but here's the surrounding dialogue. Its a line that we always repeat when one of us says he's gonna get something to eat.

11. You gonna help me sell these guns? - Another horrible hood movie called 5th Ward. I can't even remember why dude was selling guns, but he really needed his friend to help him. Cracks me up!

12. But I’m the one holding the box - This was from the TV show Alias. Quentin Tarentino was guest starring as a guy that was torturing people. He used this phrase to mock his victim...

13. Men and women are different - Our way of mocking the mediocre to terrible Comic view comedians that all seem to tell the same joke about how men and women are different.

I'm Not Feeling Work Right Now

I obviously don’t want to be here today. Every little thing is getting on my nerves. Here are a few, um errr, several:


Why do people think that work is the club? I love music as much as the next person, but really I’m listening to Gucci Mane in back of me. Lil Wayne on my left, Jill Scott on my right and George Benson at my manager’s desk? Can you please turn this stuff down a little bit? Or get some earbuds? I got good music on my ipod. But that don’t mean that I’m gonna subject you to my tastes.

Dude, for real… The begging has got to stop. While I’m grateful you aren’t asking me for a ride anymore, the whole “I’m hungry, what you got to eat stuff?” is just annoying. You work the same as we work. You been here longer so you more than likely are getting paid more than we are. Can you just take your broke behind down to the café and get what you want instead of hovering over peoples meals like you ain’t never had a salad before? Greedy bast…

Do you have to touch me every time you walk by? Quit rubbing on my back. I have never invited you to touch me nor have I ever touched you, so what is this about. There are actually 2 of them and they have one thing in common. They are dark skinned white girls. Well two if you count their size.

Can you please stop trying to make it impossible to make bonus? I’m just saying, how you gonna change stuff 8 months into the year? I like my extra money. Can I please keep it, sir? No? Okay, so then at least be subtle about it. Don’t just come out the box with unrealistic goals and expect us to be happy about it. And by the way, you suck at trying to communicate this positively. I can see in your eyes that you know this is some bull.

Back to the music… cuz these cats are killing me! Beyonce is getting bodied… Mary is feeling just fine. Tell me why these cats are dancing like some coons. Okay, that’s a little harsh, but I swore I saw Chicken George hopping up and down on one leg and chewing on a straw. Dawg, this is work, not the old folks club.

Why are you cursing and scowling so much? I mean is life that bad that nothing makes you happy? Do you have to curse about doing your job? I can see when they make us do stuff that is not in your job description, but just regular client management? That’s what you are supposed to do. Stop being so doggone surly all the time. I know I sound hypocritical because I’m complaining about them, but at least I’m not dropping f bombs every 2 minutes when the phone rings.

I need for you to stop trying to tell me what to do when you just been working here for a month. For real, you gonna make me snap at you like I did last week. When you were loud and wrong, I let I it slide once, maybe twice, but then your sense of entitlement was just too much I didn’t want to do it, but I had to tell her in the meeting. “Do you mind if somebody who actually knows something talks?” It was hilarious. Its fun being a jerk, especially when the target deserves my jerkiness.

Okay, I’m done for awhile, but I reserve the right to rant when some ever I feel like it. LOL

Junkie

He woke up in the morning thinking "Hmm.. this aint so bad. I can do this." One hour went by and he was okay. He went for a ride to clear his head, to get his mind off his addiction. When he got back to the crib, he felt the itch again. "I'll just take a shower. I won't think about it." After the shower, he was still looking for his fix. "Sleep will take this off my mind, he thought" but woke up feenin' again. This cold turkey stuff is hard...

Ladies and gentleman, he is I and I am him! I'm a junkie. For real, Saturday and Sunday I was fine, but Monday I was going crazy. My addiction? The Internet.. I was in Gainesville for Jameil's birthday with her and Stace this weekend. We were always doing something Saturday and Sunday, so I didn't really notice. Plus there was a little wifi action at the school and outside the restaurant, but today when Jam was in class? Yo, I just about lost my mind. I was sitting there with no computer and no tv. I was going stir crazy. I was wondering what you all were posting about. I was wondering who sent me an email. I was wondering what the web was saying about Barack and Biden. I would have settled for TV, but that would been like a cokehead smoking weed. I wanted that hard stuff. That interweb...I needed it in my life. It be calling me. My phone internet hasn't been working for months, so I turned the service off. I started to find a library in the area, but I needed the internet to give me directions. My desire got so bad that I did something that I'm ashamed of. Don't tell nobody but... I started to read... a book!!! I know. Rashan don't read. I couldn't help it. It's the only thing that took my mind off that internet!

Okay, I'm being silly. I just got back in town about 4 this morning, so I'm gonna call it a night. Here are a few pictures from the weekend. I have to get my editor to approve the rest before I post them, but I know she likes these. Maybe stories too. Oh yeah, you should ask Stace about the dudes in the women's pants and the documentary that she'll be starring in. I'll be around to check your blogs out soon. Have a good day!

I've Been Concussed

So, I'm on my way to work yesterday when I see the highway sign that says "I-75 8.5 miles. Travel time 16-19 minutes" Usually the sign says 8-9 minutes, so I figure there's an accident up ahead. Traffic starts to slow down right before New Northside Drive, so I decide to take the surface streets pass this accident and hop back on the interstate on Windy Hill Road. Things are going smoothly, as I'm passing through my old hood in Smyrna. I know exactly where I am and how to get back to where I need to be. The windows are up, the ac is blasting and Median's Path to Relief is bumping through my weak speakers. I'm busting a left turn off Power's Ferry when I hear a boom. The rest happened in slow motion. All of a sudden, my car that was turning left is now turning right. My head hits the window and my neck snaps back the other direction. I spin a little bit and wind up with my car on the sidewalk. I look around and see the culprit. It was a non descript white truck, with a Hispanic man with a porn star mustache and dirty painter's clothes. This mutha mutha just hit me. Wait, is he driving off? Lemme get that plate number. But it was too late. He was gone before I could get his information. I ease off the sidewalk and park at the BP down the street. There's a Cobb County police officer chilling in the parking lot. I tell him what happened. He fills out some forms, tells me to wait while he does something in his car. He asked me if I got the plate or if I saw who hit me. I tell him the description of the truck and driver. He says something to the effect of "Good luck trying to catch him." I think but don't say "I'm sorry, next time somebody hits me, I'll have my video camera on to make your job easier." I leave and go to work after calling them to let them know why I'm late.

Get to work, my neck hurts. But it was hurting the other day too. I'm getting old. I'm grumpy, cranky, annoyed, insert adjective here, but I'm alright. My car only has a little scratch on the bumper. The neck thing should go away in a few. I actually forgot that I hit my head on the window. I don't even call my insurance company, because I don't want them raising my rates over some accident that did no damage and will never result in finding the other driver. I work, I send Diva and Jameil some emails for awhile and then I work. Towards the end of the day, it got mad busy and I started feeling worse. My head was now killing me. I just wanted to be home. Got home and took some headache medicine and laid it down and talked on the phone. I felt better for a while after throwing up, but then started thinking what if I have a concussion. I've had a concussion before and it was much worse than what I was feeling, but I checked the webMD joint anyway. Headache - check, nausea - check, feeling groggy - check... OH, NO!!! I'VE BEEN CONCUSSED!!! (that makes a whole lot more sense if you watch WWE wrestling) Then I kept reading, forgetting stuff - not so much. Confusion - nope, repeating stuff over and over - nah, shawty! Okay, so maybe I'm not concussed, but my head hurts again and I'm annoyed. Lemme find this dude and it's gonna be war!!!

On another note, check out my haircut... I'm on the fence on this one. It looks aiight, but I think he messed up my tape... At least I don't look like my head hurts. I don't know, just an excuse to post a picture of myself. LOL

Thursday Thirteen: Rashan's Favorite Hip Hop Albums

I don't feel like doing a long preamble to the post. This is what it is.... My 13 Favorite Hip Hop Albums (and some extras at the end).

1. NAS - ILLMATIC
A perfect album. The beats are on point. The lyrics are amazing. It's just an enrapturing album that keeps me drawn in from the beginning to the end. It's kinda of short, but that keeps it from having a bunch of unnecessary filler tracks. I still listen to this at least once a month.

2. RAEKWON - ONLY BUILT 4 CUBAN LINX
Another perfect album. Call this one 1B. Rza's beats were top notch. The wordplay between Raekwon and Ghostface (and all the other members of WuTang to a lesser degree) seems like the most natural thing ever. It's a cinematic album. The story telling makes it seem like a movie on CD. Another at least once a month joint.






3. THE NOTORIOUS B.I.G. - READY TO DIE

I remember when I first copped this joint. I wasn't really a fan of the first single, "Juicy." I took a chance and boy was I rewarded. Biggie was the illest. I often wonder how ill he could have been if he wasn't killed. I'm pretty sure I can recite every lyric on this with or without a beat.




4. OUTKAST - AQUEMINI
I had a hard time deciding which Outkast album to put on this list. Between Aquemini and Atliens, you can't go wrong. I chose this one mostly because it has "Liberation" on it. 'Kast is so much more than just the Southern perspective, although they do that too. These brothers have something to say, even when dealing with familiar topics. Pure lyricism.

5. A TRIBE CALLED QUEST - MIDNIGHT MARAUDERS

Another hard choice for me.. I like all the Tribe albums, especially the first 3. I chose this one mostly because of where I was when it came out. I remember bumping this joint almost daily in my VW Fox while riding around Savannah State's campus. The beats are melodic and diverse. The lyrics are dopeness personified. And they just give off a vibe of being cool cats. I love Tribe. I even named my blog after one of their albums (even if it's not as good as this album.)

6. MOBB DEEP - THE INFAMOUS
This joint came out of nowhere. I don't even remember how I first heard this. It probably was from "Shook Ones." But Havoc and Prodigy were spitting that thug stuff without mercy on this album. The production was surprisingly tight especially considering how young they were when this came out. Even though I'm far from a thug, I still like to get my tough guy on and rhyme along with this joint. Don't believe me? Check out this video from a couple of years ago! (excuse the shoddy camera work I was driving. Also don't listen while at work.)




7. JAY Z -REASONABLE DOUBT

I remember being in Best Buy one day and trying to find a new cd to cop. I saw this joint and was a little torn. I had only heard one song, and though I liked it, I had recently been burned by buying an album off the strength of one song. Something told me to go for it. I took it home and gave it a quick listen and liked it. Then I listened to the lyrical ability of this cat I had never really heard of before. Sure the topics were the same, but the metaphors and similes were so much better than most. Never woulda thought he would have ever became a big star. I figured Jay would be one of those cats that I liked, but nobody else gave any shine. Glad I was wrong.

8. SNOOP DOGGY DOGG - DOGGYSTYLE
My west coast pick. This is another classic. Dre's production was crisp and Snoop's delivery was the best it's ever been. Heavy rotation for like 2 years. I'll still pull it out from time to time when I need a fix. So many classic and popular songs on this one.







9. KANYE WEST - LATE REGISTRATION

One of the newest albums on the list. I've always been a Kanye fan. Even when he was just producing. The beats he picked for this album were perfect for his flows. The lyrics were clever and the braggadocio to me hearkened back to that old school hip hop, with an updated feel.




10. LITTLE BROTHER - THE MINSTREL SHOW
"Dope beats, dope rhymes. This hip hop really ain't that hard." - That's what this album is to me. Dope beats, dope rhymes. LB is one of my favorite current groups. Phonte is one of the illest lyricists in the game now.



11. PUBLIC ENEMY - IT TAKES A NATION OF MILLIONS TO HOLD US BACK
This was Rashan X's favorite album. It was revolutionary. It was inciting. The beats were frenetic and banging. Chuck D. didn't have the best flow in the world, but it works over the frenetic and banging beats. This was the soundtrack to my discover of my racial identity. (I always knew I was black, but then I realized I was Black! capital B)




12. BOOGIE DOWN PRODUCTIONS - CRIMINAL MINDED
This was 86. It changed the whole rap game. It made rap more lyrical than it used to be. A whole lot more words and more being coherent than rap songs used to have. A little bit of everything on this one. Battle raps, gangster rap, social commentary... whatever you wanted. It was just so different than anything I had heard before.



13. PETE ROCK AND CL SMOOTH - THE MAIN INGREDIENT
I love the production on this joint. The music is very melodic, but still with the elements of hip hop: boom bap beats, scratching. And Cl was never better lyrically than on this album. I had to put this on the list because the album is just so consistent. It just flows right. You never get that track that you want to skip or that sounds out of place. One of my favorites to chill out to when I still want to listen to hip hop, but don't want cats berating me in their lyrics.

Honorable Mention:



ICE CUBE - DEATH CERTIFICATE


N.W.A. -STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON



ERIC B. AND RAKIM - PAID IN FULL




GANGSTARR - STEP IN THE ARENA



DIAMOND D. - STUNTS BLUNTS AND HIP HOP

I Killed Plies

Charlotte, North Carolina August 10, 2008

I was hanging out with Jameil and some of her friends. The topic of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes’s deaths came up. Somebody, I can’t remember which somebody it was, made the comment that death often comes in threes. I’d heard that before. It was one of the old ladies I worked with at St Joseph’s hospital favorite phrases. Granted, she would know. She often perused the obituaries looking for people she grew up to be dead. In fact, I don’t think she ever read the paper other than to find out about somebody passing. Digression, I know, but that’s what I do. Anyway, it was at this point that I became a potential murderer. I don’t know why I said it, but I did.

“Can number 3 be Plies?” (click here if you don't know who Plies is..)

The room fell silent for a few awkward moments before erupting into laughter. Maybe it really didn’t, and that’s my overactive imagination, but that’s what it seemed like to me. Oh my God, I killed Plies…

Why Plies of all people? I don’t know. I guess he was just in my head from my ride up to Charlotte. It seemed like if it wasn’t Lil Wayne on the radio, it was Plies. He’s pretty ignorant, but I’m not particularly hating on him. To me he’s amusing. I laugh when I hear his inane, profane and mundane lyrics. I chuckle at how since he did Buss it Baby, he now samples other late 80’s music in an attempt to recapture the magic of that hit. It’s mad obvious to me that he’s trying to find his niche amongst the millions of other wack rappers out there. But I don’t hate him. I don’t really want him dead. God, I hope I don’t really have the power of life and death in my tongue. I would hate to be responsible for someone’s death by one of my insensitive jokes.

So, if any of you know Plies, I need you to do me a favor. Be a bodyguard for him. If you see some goons threatening him, get his back. If you see him bout to drink and drive, tell that friends don’t let friends do that. If you see him about to eat a baconator from Wendy’s, educate him on the dangers of trans fat and heart disease. I know thugs don’t really get down with the bungee jumping too tough, but if he does, check his straps. Make sure them platinum teeth are set properly, I don’t want him choking. Okay, maybe that would be a little funny, but for God’s sake, give him the Heimlich!!! I’m saying…don’t let Plies die. I can’t deal with that on my conscience. LOL

PS – What’s the statute of limitations on me speaking death on somebody? Like if he dies in a year, am I still responsible? 5 years? What about 7 years? That sounds like a good legal number! Do I have to carry the weight of my reckless words for the rest of my life? Somebody, please… anybody help me out here! Heaven, I Need A Hug (Gratuitous excuse to post a video. LOL)

Dawg? You Like Forty!

I so wanted to call this post "Nigga, You Forty!", but since everybody got that preview blog roll thing, I didn't want to offend any passers by. I mean, if you come to my blog, then I don't really care about offending you, cuz you know what you are in for. I'm a be mean or make a sarcastic comment. I might even make an insensitive joke or two. But anyway, that's not what I was gonna post about... What I was gonna post about was this nonsense I heard over the weekend. It made me exclaim "Nigga, you Forty!!!"

Master P says he's gonna change his name to P. Miller. I really could care less. The obvious P. Diddy reference doesn't bother me. If you are prone to knob slobbery, then slob that knob. I 'ont care. It ain't like you haven't been biting your entire career, with your Pac-esque flow and your Hootie Hoo 7 years after Outkast did it and your lifting entire lyrics from other artists. Wait, again, that wasn't my point. My point was this... P gonna come out his mouth and say this nonsense:

"I'm changing my name because Master P is who I used to be. I call it my childhood and P. Miller marks my manhood."

NIGGA, YOU FORTY!!! Your childhood lasted until you were like 38? Until nobody wanted to buy your records anymore? Until you got that job on Nickelodeon? Childhood, my swollen big toe! You do realize that nobody would know who you were if you didn't make God awful catchy music, right? I'm glad that you decided to finally become a man. By the way, during this time when you were supposedly a child, didn't you have kids? Are your kids more grown than you? When you turn 73 will you then become middle aged? At 101, will you just start to collect Social Security? Seems like you growth was a little stunted? I'm just asking!

You may be wondering why I'm reacting so strongly to this. It's more funny than anything to me. It may be that I don't like when people try to turn their back on what made them famous to begin with. I know I know, people can change, but it still bothers me. It also annoys me when grown ass men talk about growing up. Son, you shoulda been grown! I'm not saying you have all the answers when you are in 20s, believe me, I'm 33 and I know precious little more than I did when I was 16. But come on, dawg! 40 is a little late to be talking about finally becoming a man. Oh well, at the very least I got to entertain myself by saying "Nigga, YOU FORTY!!!" all weekend. Try it...It's catchy!!! LOL

Full Disclosure: I never liked P's lyrics, rhyme scheme, subject matter, etc...except when I was in the club! I used to get crunk of some Master P joints back in the day. Throwing 'bows and mean muggin while holding my Alize!!! This was one of my favorites.... HUSTLA! BALLA! GANGSTA! CAP PEELA! Who I be, your neighborhood drug dealer!!!!" I know... coontastic, but I loved it!

Soon...

I'll be back with a real post soon. I got back in town around 3 to find my sister and her kids sleeping in the living room. I didn't feel like tripping over them to check my email and stuff. Then I crashed out. If you don't know I was in Gainesville, Fl with Jameil since Thursday, and now I'm back. My impressions of UF and Gainesville? Umm... lizards, slave heat, blinding rain, sweat stinging my eyes, white people, Indian people, a suprising amount of black people, dollar beer, Mexican food 3 times in 4 days, getting lost on campus, wandering aimlessly around the city, huge rebel flags on the highway, hanging with Jameil!

I'm not gonna write a big recap, since I just did that last week and I'm sure you are getting tired of reading about it (If you are keep it to yourself!!! LOL) But when I get home, I'll think of something to write to get back in the swing of this blog thing. I'll also respond to my comments one day. You guys are hilarious. I was tripping out reading those comments. Aiight, then, lemme go back to work. I'll get at you later! One!

Thursday Thirteen: Thirteen Phrases That Annoy The (expletive deleted) Outta Me

1. Heeeey, boooo! - Don't call me boo...ever. We are not on The Parkers and that elongated hey just grates on my nerves like nails on a chalkboard.

2. Grown and sexy. Nope, you mean old and loose. Or old and too big for that outfit you are wearing. Or old, loose and too big for that outfit you are wearing. Or old, loose, too big for that outfit you are wearing, and lonely and desperate for attention. I've seldom found anyone that proclaims themselves to be grown and sexy to be either grown or sexy. If you really are, you don't have to say it.

3. It ain't trickin' if you got it. Yes it is. Stop trying to justify your cake daddy tendencies by saying you got money. You still tricking. Not that there's anything wrong with that. If you gon cake, be proud of your caking abilities. Be the best trick you can be!

4. Almost exactly. It's either almost or its exactly. It can't be both. Pick one and stick with it.

5. Off the (insert thing it's off here). First off what does that even mean? I don't understand your metaphor. Why is something better if its not attached to a chain? Why is something good cuz there's no hook? What in the name of all that is holy does a meat rack have do with anything?

6. Things of that nature. Why even say that? Just tell us what those things are. Usually when I hear this, its from someone who is not prepared in a meeting or conference call and I can tell they are winging it.

7. Family values. I don't like this one cuz its usually disingenious. Usually the people saying this could care less about families unless they make over 150K and vote Republican. What about the poor people? They have family values too. They got moms. They got grandma's. They got baby mama's, cousins, adopted children, and that uncle that drinks too much and tries to start the electric slide at inopportune times. That's real family values.

8.Give 110%. Not possible. Do I need to explain math to you? You can't do more than 100%.

9. Thinking outside the box. Really? Where is this supposed box? And why does every meeting have to involve this phrase? Its mad overused. And the implications of it are basically break all the rules. How bout this? Next time I come to one of these meetings wearing a Malcolm X t-shirt holding an automatic weapon, while chanting "Kill Whitey!!!' What's the problem? I was just thinking outside the box.

10. Brangelina. Or any combination of celebrity names. Hate it with a fiery passion. At least make it make a new word if you gonna combine it. Dont be making stuff up just to try to be clever. You ain't clever.

11. Make it rain. Stop with the making it rain. Now we got people that have no business making it rain, attempting to make it rain. Stop encouraging people to be all flashy with it. Next thing you know I'm gonna hear this on Sportscenter or better yet in church. Come on y'all.. Make it rain with them tithes! Jesus is working hard out here. I can't get no tips up on the alter? BTW, I fully expect someone to comment that they've heard that in church. LOL

12 Hot mess - Or H.A.M. or Hot ghetto mess. Don't like any of those.

13. Holla at your boi. Let's just for a minute forget that spelling boy with an i is extremely gay (with the exception of Big Boi from Outkast cuz I like him) that phrase has just been overdone. I can't go a day without hearing someone say that. Whether it's on tv or in the lobby at work or on some horrible rap song, all these bois want to be holla'd at. It just gets on my nerves when I hear it. Rational? Probably not, but who says I always have to be rational?

Honorable Mention: This one used to annoy me, but for some reason I started to like it. It makes me laugh. I don't know if they say this anywhere else but in the A: Where dey do dat at? They say that when they see somebody doing something they shouldn't be doing or something that looks strange.. It's usually accompanied by a slight look of disgust, and a country accent.

What are some phrases that annoy the (expletive deleted) outta you?

Meet The Parents (and the friends) Part 2

This post is gonna be mad disjointed cuz I'm trying to write it at work while actually working, so forgive me if it seems rushed...

Okay, so where was I? Oh, yeah. We were meeting JoEllen at Fox and Hound for drinks. JoEllen is wild, yo! She was a little ball of energy and jokes. I could definitely see why her and Jameil were friends. The two of them together: It was like hanging out with 2 Jameil's for the price of one. It was so strange and entertaining. During the course of the night, this drunk white guy was trying to get with her...HARD! Dude was mad persistant. He kept interrupting the conversation, joining in our conversations, dude even bought me a drink trying to get me to hook him up. It was hilarious. He also lectured me on what real rap was, a conversation that I humored for awhile. He told me "Jay-Z is a lyrical prophet" asked me if I ever heard of "Common from Chicago" told me that "it's not about black and white anymore, it's about good music. Eminem broke that barrier." I was rolling laughing. At some point, I just laughed dead in his face at something crazy he said. Anyway, we left there and walked back to the hotel and crashed out.



The next day, we were supposed to go to church but overslept. I checked out the hotel, and then we headed crosstown to Jameil's mother's house. It was time to meet the parents. Well, one of them. She was cooking for us and Jameil's friends. When we got there, she was still at church, so we watched some hung out and watched some Olympics and looked at more old pictures. When her mom got there, Jameil introduced us and it was cool. No big deal. I wasn't nervous or anything. The kitchen was smelling great with all that food. She made us a feast. Chicken, turkey, mac and cheese, cabbage, this dressing that was out of this world. Man, it was good! Jameil gets a phone call from her father, who was in town. Now, he is coming over and bringing Jameil's brother too! Wow, okay, I get to meet both parents in one day. I wasn't expecting all that. LOL. Mother's don't make me nervous, but it had been a good 15 years since I had dated a girl that actually had a father involved in her life. I know that's pretty sad. I shook off any nervousness and luckily it was only a brief interrogation, so that was cool. The other friends were there too and this happened, which was funny to me and I'm glad she wrote it so I didn't have to add yet another paragraph to this post. LOL

I wound up not leaving until 11:30 PM to head back home. I didn't want to leave, but figured that I should actually work a few days this month. It was a great trip and we get to do it again in 2 days. Going to Gainesville with Jam to help her get settled at school. We were supposed to stop in Savannah, to get our tourist on but I don't think we are going to have time. Oh well, I guess she'll have to meet my family at a later time. Lucky her! LOL

Meet The Parents (and the friends) part 1

I guess I'll do the recap cuz Jameil doesn't have Internet right now. I'm sure she can do it much better than I could, but here goes nothing:

I left Atlanta around 5:30 in the morning. I had the bright idea that I would just leave before I got any sleep. It wasn't really intentional, but I was too wired to sleep, and by the time I got sleepy, it was time to go. The ride was about 4 hours, which normally would be a walk in the park, but since I had been up for over 24 hours, I had to stop a couple times and run around a gas station parking lot to keep myself awake. I got to Jameil's mother's house around 10. We chilled for a minute, looking at old pictures and stuff, then I accompanied Jam to run her errands. We did some major riding around the city, and I was so glad I wasn't driving, cuz I was about to fall out from lack of sleep. It was cool being with her, even though we were just doing regular mundane taking care of business stuff. Besides, I couldn't check into my hotel until 3. I stayed at the Dunhill in Uptown Charlotte, which looks really cool on the Internet, but was just aiight. The room was kinda small, and there was some renovation going on that I didn't expect, but was cool regardless. It was in a good central location downtown, oops, I mean uptown, and everything was in walking distance. I got about an hour of sleep, before Jameil's homegirls came over to pop bottles and interrogate me. LOL.

Meagan and Tasha came through around 7:30, 8:00 and we all talked and drank that bottle of champagne, Jam had been holding on to since she found out she was going to grad school. I was mad tired, but tried not to be the anti social dude I usually am. Truth be told, I was more nervous to meet her friends, than I was to meet the parents. More on that later. Anyway, after a while the 4 of us went out to eat at this Mexican restaurant. I'm pretty sure this is the spot, Cantina 1511, but I was not really paying attention on the ride there, cuz I was sleep in the car. I know I musta looked-ed crazy falling asleep so much, but dangit, I was tired. LOL. The food was crazy good, and they had fresh guacamole which made Jam happy, which made me happy. I got this huge chimichanga thing, that I still got leftovers from and just may be today's lunch, if I remember to bring it to work with me. Laughing, drinking, talking etc..etc..etc.. and then we went out to a club.

For real, when we got to the club, I was having Savannah flashbacks. It wasn't hood, per se, but it was definitely country. What was the club called?? Oh yeah, The Savoy. They don't have a website. There was all manners of coonery going on there. I'll let Jam post them pictures, since they are on her camera, but suffice it to say, the 4 of us were the flyest cats in the spot. I felt like I should have been rocking a white tee and some J's to fit in. For the most part, we just chilled in the back at a table talking and laughing (at people). My personal favorite was the DJ who kept berating everybody for singing the radio version of The Dreams "I Love Your Girl" instead of the dirty version, all while playing...THE RADIO VERSION! Also, I seem to remember getting cursed out over music all night, but I was sleepy, so I may have been imagining that. LOL. Also, they had that club picture thing going on in the back, and people were posing in front of pictures of champagne bottles and dice. It was hilarious to me. Got back to the room around 3 and crashed out. Minus the hour of sleep I got while waiting for Jameil's homegirls to come through, I had been up for about 42 hours.

Woke up the next morning around 10 and ordered some breakfast from room service. It came from the restaurant attached to the hotel. Yo, that French toast was crazy good. Anyway, we procrastinated for awhile longer, watching When Harry Met Sally, which Jameil had been trying to get me to watch for what seems like ages. When we finally got up and at 'em, we took a walk in the downtown area. I mean, uptown area. Why Charlotte gotta be all different? The area with the skyscrapers is downtown to me, but they call it uptown. Anyway, immediately outside the hotel, they were having an Irish Pride Festival. We walked through and saw some drunken behavior, but didn't hang out too long. We walked around uptown for awhile and then stopped at Fuel for lunch. My chicken parm calzone was hot and Jam's buffalo chicken pizza was good too. Did some more walking around (noticing a theme? walking and eating were a big part of this weekend!) and checked out this photo gallery thing called the Light Factory on the way back to the hotel. Had to make sure we were back in the room in time for Jam to watch Project Runway. Okay, fine, I watched it too. LOL

Later that night, we went back out for another walk around the city in search of some food. We ended up at this spot, but the wack azz waitress never came and took our order, so we bounced. Walked around some more before deciding on Rock Bottom Brewery. The food was good, the service sucked again, but the beer had me not really caring that much. Another one of Jameil's friends, JoEllen called and we made plans to meet up for some drinks across the street at Fox and Hound. I just realized this is getting mad long, so I'll finish the recap a little later. I just got back in town, and I probably should get some sleep before it's time to go to work. I didn't even get to the Meet the Parents stuff, but I'll do that later. Happy Monday!

85

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

On my way to Charlotte to see Jameil. Holla at you all on Monday!

Thursday Thirteen: Odd Google Searchs That Lead To My Blog

I check my sitemeter out a lot to see who is reading, and how they found my blog. Today's Thursday Thirteen consists of some of the more google and yahoo searchs that led to my blog. Feel free to search any of these and see my blog pop up in the search engine.


1. "bros before hoes poems" - I understand this one cuz i did a post about bros before hoes, but ain't no poems up on this site.

2. "should a man's cummerbund and bow tie match the ladie's dress" - Rashan's dispenses fashion advice. Instead of wearing a suit, you should rock a yellow hoodie. Be sure her dress is equally as bright so you don't outshine her.

3. "what's wrong with u why are you not meet me" - Umm, cuz I don't want to meet you. Stop trying to force me to meet you. Who are you anyway?

4. "rhymes for candlesticks" - You know I be spitting that hot fire about them candlesticks, yo! I like the way the wax feels/like it when the wax peels/you know them candlesticks be keeping stuff mad real!

5. "golden coral do you just show AARP to get discount" - LMAO! - My post about Sabre tooth tigers, the women too old to be called cougars. I cracked myself up with that one. Pretty sure I offended some elderly woman in Florida who was just trying to get a discounted buffet.

6. "i ain't seen barbie's dog head in three days" - Yeah, I don't have any idea what this one means. Not sure I want to. Sounds like a killer that chopped off a dogs head and forgot where he put it. Go away, crazy man!

7. "Call me amaretto" - Dog, I'm a grown man. I ain't calling another grown man "amaretto"

8. "I don't feel special" - Obviously, they weren't looking for my blog. I always feel special. Too much so according to some people. They be thinking I'm mad cocky or something. Not concieted, just comfortable in my own skin.

9. "don't do me like that music notes" - What did them music notes do to you? I don't know why they always be trippin' like that. I'll have a talk with them and make sure they get their act together.

10. "keisha model, pittsburgh" - this obviously had something to do with Jam. I don't ever remember mentioning Pittsburgh, although that's where my mom was born. On a side note, I'm gonna start turning my blog into a page for aspiring models. Send your pictures to visionz74@yahoo.com. I will post the best ones on my page and let people vote on them. (Don't really send your pictures, please!)

11. "don't ask me what's wrong just let me be" - What's wrong? Oh, wait, you said don't ask. Then don't be coming to my blog advertising that something's wrong with you if you don't want me to know. You are such a woman! Telling me something's wrong, but then getting mad if I ask what's up. STOP IT! YOU'RE CONFUSING ME!!!

12. "wat's Rocsi's real name" - I don't know. Rocsi, maybe? This ain't a fan site. And I'm definitely not a fan. Can we get Rachel back on BET? She was hot. Remember her? Maybe Sherri Carter? She was annoying, but better than Rocsi.

13. "girl beats off to the beautiful ones" - I saved this one for last cuz it was the craziest. I'm not really in the habit of posting masterbatory videos on my site, even if the soundtrack features my second favorite prince song. I'm sure they were in for a rude awakening when my blog came up. Probably had to pull their pants back up and put away the lotion. LOL

Common Sense

If you know anything about me, then you know that I hate when people try to be all inspirational. I abhor it. There's something in my wiring that makes me recoil when I hear it. I've tried to figure out why I detest inspiration so much, but that's a post for a different day. Today, I was gonna turn my back on that rule, because I think some of you need some motivation. Yeah, about that. I tried, but it came out like diet inspiration. So instead I'm gonna just be regular old me. I've been reading blogs this week and darn if a common theme hasn't developed. Ladies, please stop taking all this crap from these fellas. From what I've been reading over the last week, it seems like these educated, attractive, got things going for themselves females are putting up with waaaaay too much from men that do not have their best interests in heart. Here are some common sense solutions to these problems.


Problem: He wont take me out on a real date.

Solution: Stop going over his house or inviting him over to yours. If he really wants to see you then he'll eventually take you out. Or if he doesn't then, forget about the cheap bastard. It doesn't have to be anything expensive or extravagant, but a man should at least want to be seen in public with you. If he doesn't he probably has something to hide. Maybe he has a girl already and doesn't want to get caught out there. Maybe he just thinks he can get you to have sex with him without any effort. Or maybe you are what he wants to hide. Some of you aren't as fly as you think you are. LOL I'm kidding about that last one, but you get the point. If you want him to take you out, then make him. Don't settle for bootleg DVDs, cheap wine and a tour of his home studio which is located in the spare bedroom of his apartment. If he likes you, he'll do it. If he doesn't, is that really the type of man you want?

Problem: I give my man money. He wont work.

Solution: Stop giving him money. When rent's due and he has no loot, he'll find a way to make some money. I guess I have to say this, but I really don't think it should be necessary. How are you gonna date a man that has no job? And if you do, then really, stop complaining about it. But the number one thing is stop enabling his lazy tendencies. If someone gave you money to sit at home watching Maury all day, or let you hold their car to do God knows what while they were at work, would you really be motivated to go to work? Nobody likes working, but its necessary. I don't believe in strict gender roles, but I do believe that a man should at least contribute something. I don't think its too much to ask that he at least get a job.

Problem: My man is cheating on me.

Solution: Stop forgiving him for cheating. The reason he got all them chickenheads is cuz he knows he can get away with it. Either that, or because he doesn't care about you. Sorry to be so rough, but you don't love someone and then go out of your way to disrespect them. I'm not saying that mistakes don't sometimes happen in a relationship. I'm not that naive. But I do think that while you may (and that's a big may) be able to write one time off, 2 or more is a pattern. You have to stop excusing boorish behavior under the reason of love. Yeah, you may love him, but do you really think he loves you while he's accumulating a huge collection of panty-drawers, some of which belong to that girl you thought was your friend?

Problem: I think my man is cheating on me, but I have no proof.

Solution: See that's the problem right there. If you can't trust the man you're with, you have no business being with him. There is no need to drive yourself crazy looking for proof of his indiscretions. The mere fact that you suspect strongly enough to hide in the bushes to see who is coming into his crib, is enough to let you know that you guys are not exactly stable. But if you do have to go that route, please don't attack him with half evidence or stuff that you heard from your cousin's girlfriend's neighbor's hairstylist. It's probably not true, and if it is true, its way too easy to deny. Again, my advice would be to stop looking, or if you feel that you need to check up on him, then evaluate your communication. If you guys really talk, then more than likely, you will know where he is or what his plans are for the day, or what time he gets off work. Without nagging or even asking, you'll know. Communication is key!

Problem: I feel like a jump off. How come he won't make me his girlfriend?

Solution: This is common sense right here. Fellas, I'm not really telling any secrets, so don't hate me for it. You don't want to be treated as just a sex object, its simple really. Don't have sex with him the same night you meet him. Not that there's anything wrong with that if that's what you are looking for. But if you want to be wifey material, you gonna have to at least pretend. I'm sure it has happened before, but not too many dudes are gonna wife up the woman that they were able to smash on the first night. Is it a double standard? Absolutely, but it is what it is. Men want to have sex quickly, but they don't respect those partners the same way as they would someone who they, IDK, have had a conversation with? Suggestions? Go out on a few dates, have some phone conversations, get to know the dude before blessing him sexually. Or if that's not possible, if you just can't keep your clothes on around him, accept and thrive in your role. Be the best jumpoff you can be! LOL

Problem: He hit me.

Solution: I'm tempted to give the quick answer: LEAVE HIM!!! Instead, I'll expound a little. It's not okay for a man to hit a woman. I don't care what the circumstances are. The funny thing is everybody knows this, but some people give a pass. This one requires help far more experienced than I can offer, so I would suggest some counseling from a woman's shelter or something. I can honestly say that I don't know what makes an abused woman stay, so I'll leave that one to the experts. Or, you can call your cousins Pookie and Junebug and have them beat the ish out of your Ike Turner-esque boyfriend. Either one works for me.

Problem: He got baby mama drama.

Solution: There isn't one. You don't have any control over this one. If he has drama because he has a relationship with his kids, you are gonna have to just grin and bear it. That's not going away. I would encourage you to stay out of it as much as possible, but be there if he needs to talk about it. If he has baby mama drama because he does NOT have a relationship with his kids, then you need to think about whether you can love and respect someone that could blatantly ignore his own flesh and blood. Remember what I said earlier about patterns? If he could do it to his other kids, its possible he would do it with your future kids too. Just something to think about.

Okay, now I'm about to be late for work, so I'll stop here. What do you think? Is this all common sense? I think so, but then how come people don't follow it?

Brett Favre

"This will be my last post. I can't continue on with blogging. There's just too much negativity out there. I don't feel appreciated for what I do. Maybe one day, I'll tell the whole story. But for now I need to focus on the next phase of my life and I can't blog and live at the same time, can I? That's almost as hard as chewing gum and walking. The truth will come out one day and you'll see why I had to fade to black. Too many people that don't know me were judging me and I'm a sensitive soul. I'll miss you guys. You really brought a lot to my life, and I'm sad to be moving on, but I must." - Blogger X upon his/her retirement.

Its not so much that I'm calling you a liar, I'm just saying I don't believe you.


Semantics, I know. In all actuality, I am calling you a liar. Before any lurker out there gets his/her thongs in a bunch, I'm not talking to any ONE person in particular. I'm talking to all of them people that make a show out of quitting blogging, but don't ever go away. It just is annoying when you see this act and you know its not real. We all know you ain't really quitting. Well, let me take that back, I know you ain't quitting. Everybody else doesn't seem to get it. Or maybe they just like stroking egos. That ain't me. Get your confidence boost from them other people begging you to stay. I ain't the one. Besides, I know you gonna come back like Jordan wearing the 45 anyway. Just keep it real with us. You need a break. Okay, then take a break. No need for all the fanfare and dramatics. You, sir or ma'am are an attention whore, just like the majority of bloggers, present company included. There is no way you can stay out of the limelight once you get a taste of it. You ain't hardly fooling me! But if you gon quit, then quit! Peace out, homey! Audi 5000! ABCya! Love Peace and Hairgrease! Shalom! Aloha! Kick rocks (in Jesus Sandals!) Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish! Later, alligator! Catch on the flipside! Hasta La Vista! So long, farewell, Auf Weidersehen, goodbye! Be Swayze! Be outta here... like last year! YOU GET NOTHING! YOU LOSE! GOOD DAY, SIR!!!


While I'm on the subject, let me just keep on alienating people. Do me a favor, bloggers. DO NOT EVER THREATEN TO STOP BLOGGING!!! I'm saying... Are you threatening me? Don't do that! Either stop or don't, but don't drag it out. (Dreamy the Cop, let me make it clear this time. I'm not talking about you. I know you had a good reason. LOL) Let me tell you what I'm gonna do if I see a retirement threat. Remove your link from my favorites, stop reading, and keep it moving. There's way too many blogs out here for me to be trying to talk you out of your supposed "retirement." Just go ahead and do it. Or don't. I don't care one way or the other. You won't get any comments from me begging you to stay. Do your thing!

One more! LOL - Don't call it a comeback? Those posts are just... uggghhh. Really, I won't call it a comeback. It's not a comeback if you take 6 months off and then post one measly post and stop again. That's not a comeback, that's a tease. Quit being a blog tease, people! Here's what I'm gonna do if I see that post: I'm gonna monitor the situation before I invest myself again. If you don't have another post in a week, you stay in the deleted files. I'm not sorry, but that's the way it is. You don't leave the orange juice in the fridge with just a swallow, so don't do the blog that way either. Come back for real, or stay away for real. All this intermittent stuff just gets on my nerves. Crap or get off the pot, nah mean?

Ol' fake retiring, threatening to quit, pseudo comeback having Brett Favre lookin' boy.

Dear Blog*

Dear Blog,

I know we just had this conversation but I can't forsee a time in the near future when I won't be neglecting you just a little as long as Jameil's awake. Today we've talked for 12.5 hours so far. It's been amazing. She's the best person in the whole world. And now she's mine, all mine. MOOOHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Her awesomeness astounds me. You're gonna have to get over that. She rocks. Oh and I can't call you baby no more. She don't like that.

Rashan

*post written by Jameil.

Our First Argument

"Rashan, you've changed"

Three little words. Quite simple words, in fact. But these eighteen letters had the potential to mess up a good thing. My first reaction was to become defensive. When I'm on the defense, it usually goes one of two ways: bad or worse. Either I just shut down and disregard what she's telling me, which on its own is bad enough. But I was feeling worse coming on. When worse comes to worse, the jerk comes out. Previously, I would have called it something else, a word that starts with a and ends with hole, but I've been making a conscious effort not to curse as much around her. When I think back no longer than a year ago, I had a potty mouth. I still do to an extent, but not around her. See, I respect her, but word is bond, she's getting on my last nerve. I fought the urge to be "that guy" and simply asked for an explanation.

"What do you mean, baby? How have I changed?"

She spoke in a muted tone, eyes cast downward to avoid my inquisitive glare.

"I mean, you used to think of only me. Now I'm not so sure that you still feel the same."

"What do you mean? We talk daily. If not daily, then at least most days."

"Yeah, but even you have to admit it's not the same."

As usual, she was right. I hate when she does that. Disarms me with proof that I don't always have all the answers. I like to think that I'm always right, even when I'm left, but since I've been dealing with her, I've had to admit far too often to my liking that her way is the right way. This was yet another time where I would have to swallow my pride and acquiesce.

"You're right, baby. Things are different. I don't know how we got here, but I know I'm willing to do whatever it takes to rekindle our relationship."

"It's not that simple. You can't just wave a magic wand and fix this. I've been thinking..."

"No, baby. Hold that thought. Once you put that out there, there is no turning back."

The fear wrapped around me like a blanket on an invalid's legs. I didn't want her to utter those words. There was no way that I was gonna let her go without a fight. We've been through too much in a relatively short period of time to just give up now. I needed her in my life.

"No, Rashan. Relax. I'm not going there. I just think some things have to change. I'm not as happy as I used to be."

"So we are having our first argument, huh? Should I mark the date?"

"That's what I'm talking about right there. You never take me seriously. Here I am trying to pour my heart out to you and you make jokes."

"You used to love my jokes. I remember you told me that was one of the first things that attracted you to me."

"I still love them. I cracked up at your post the other day. But there's a time and place for jocularity. This is not it."

"Okay, baby. Go ahead. I'm listening."

"I feel..."

Here we go. Feelings and stuff. I mean I should have expected it. Its normal in these situations for emotions to get involved. But, I honestly did not ever intend to hurt her feelings or make her feel neglected. I guess like most men, sometimes I do things without thinking about the consequences. By no means do I think I am perfect, but I do think I am perfect for her. Me and her together are unmesswitable, nah mean? Look at that. A year ago, that phrase would have been much more vulgar, but I'm trying. I'm trying to be the man she wants me to be.

"What do you feel, babe?"

"I feel that you need to pay more attention to me."

The defensiveness is bubbling up in me. I want nothing more than to state my argument, but from the tone of this conversation, I realize that is probably not the best tactic. I slump down on the love seat and continue listening.

"You used to be all about me. Along with your sense of humor, that was another thing that attracted me. You were so attentive. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you don't still feel the same way about me, but I need you to show it."

"Yeah, you're right."

"I don't want to be an afterthought in your life. It's like everything else comes first now and then you think of me."

"Yeah, but...

I couldn't help it. I had to say something. I felt like she was maligning my character. I just wanted her to know that she is still an integral part of my life.

"But what? You just got finished admitting that things are different. Were you just saying that? I don't need your platitudes. I don't need you patronizing me."

"I'm not. I swear to you I'm not. I honestly see where you are coming from, but I just think you are making way too big a deal out of this."

"So, now what I feel is not important. Way to be sensitive there, Rashan!"

"You know that's not what I meant."

I'm so not an arguer. I really am all about the solution, rather than the rehashing of the problem. Me and her have never really argued before though, so I'm still learning her rules of engagement. From what I can tell, we have totally different styles of communication. I had no choice but to follow hers.

"What did you mean then? Cuz it sure sounded like you were discounting my feelings and I have to tell you I DON'T LIKE IT ONE BIT!!!"

"You don't have to yell. I'm right here. Can't we discuss this like two rational adults?"

"OH, SO NOW I'M A CHILD!!!!"

"Come on, relax. I'm just saying we've identified the issue, now lets see what we can do to rectify it. What is it that I can do to make you realize that I still care for you the same way?"

"I have to come up with all the answers? You are supposed to be this brilliant guy. That's what you said in your little wack post the other day. You need to find a way to fix this. Use that brain you are always bragging about."

At this point, I felt an unfamiliar twinge in my gut. I don't get mad, but I'm pretty sure that the feeling I was experiencing was anger. I've felt it a few times in my life, like when I swung on Earl at Freaknik 94. But generally, in my 33 years of living, I've found anger to be the easiest emotion to suppress. It doesn't accomplish anything in my opinion. People say I will snap if I don't let it out, but this was not the right time to let it out. I was trying to keep her around; anger would push her away. Let me take a deep breath. No, that's not working. Count to ten. That didn't do it either. "Nam-Myhoho-Renge-Kyo" - Okay, I'm cool!

"Okay, baby. I understand you are upset. I completely get that. Here's what I'm going to do."

"This should be good," she stated sarcastically. I taught her that. Her sarcasm was a direct by product of her being around me.

"I pledge this to you. Starting right now, I'm gonna make you feel like you are important to me again. I can't tell you how, honestly I don't really know that yet, but I'm going to make a conscious effort to make you feel special"

"I've heard that one before."

"Look at this face. Do you see my resolve face?"

"Wait, did you just quote Buffy The Vampire Slayer? You are so odd."

"See, the mere fact that you knew where that quote came from is proof that we are meant to be together. You like what I like, I like what you like. We are one. We can't lose sight of that."

"I guess you are right. I can't believe you got me interested in all your strange interests. How did I get hooked up with someone so incredibly weird?"

"Just lucky, I guess!"

She let out a light chuckle. She tried to hold it in, but I could see that smile, no matter how hard she tried to obscure it. I sensed that we had turned the corner. She was back on my side. I know that I have to do better though. Consider this my wake up call. I don't want to lose her because of laziness. I don't want to lose her because I have new interests. I don't ever want her to feel neglected. I'm trying to keep her around for the long haul, if she'll have me. I dodged a bullet this time, but I guess I have to show and prove.

I can't believe that I just had an argument with my blog. She sure is high maintenance!!! What, did you think I was talking about a person? LMAO!!! I dare you to tell me that was not brilliant! Don't be lying, you know you liked it! Have a good weekend, folks!