Common Sense

If you know anything about me, then you know that I hate when people try to be all inspirational. I abhor it. There's something in my wiring that makes me recoil when I hear it. I've tried to figure out why I detest inspiration so much, but that's a post for a different day. Today, I was gonna turn my back on that rule, because I think some of you need some motivation. Yeah, about that. I tried, but it came out like diet inspiration. So instead I'm gonna just be regular old me. I've been reading blogs this week and darn if a common theme hasn't developed. Ladies, please stop taking all this crap from these fellas. From what I've been reading over the last week, it seems like these educated, attractive, got things going for themselves females are putting up with waaaaay too much from men that do not have their best interests in heart. Here are some common sense solutions to these problems.


Problem: He wont take me out on a real date.

Solution: Stop going over his house or inviting him over to yours. If he really wants to see you then he'll eventually take you out. Or if he doesn't then, forget about the cheap bastard. It doesn't have to be anything expensive or extravagant, but a man should at least want to be seen in public with you. If he doesn't he probably has something to hide. Maybe he has a girl already and doesn't want to get caught out there. Maybe he just thinks he can get you to have sex with him without any effort. Or maybe you are what he wants to hide. Some of you aren't as fly as you think you are. LOL I'm kidding about that last one, but you get the point. If you want him to take you out, then make him. Don't settle for bootleg DVDs, cheap wine and a tour of his home studio which is located in the spare bedroom of his apartment. If he likes you, he'll do it. If he doesn't, is that really the type of man you want?

Problem: I give my man money. He wont work.

Solution: Stop giving him money. When rent's due and he has no loot, he'll find a way to make some money. I guess I have to say this, but I really don't think it should be necessary. How are you gonna date a man that has no job? And if you do, then really, stop complaining about it. But the number one thing is stop enabling his lazy tendencies. If someone gave you money to sit at home watching Maury all day, or let you hold their car to do God knows what while they were at work, would you really be motivated to go to work? Nobody likes working, but its necessary. I don't believe in strict gender roles, but I do believe that a man should at least contribute something. I don't think its too much to ask that he at least get a job.

Problem: My man is cheating on me.

Solution: Stop forgiving him for cheating. The reason he got all them chickenheads is cuz he knows he can get away with it. Either that, or because he doesn't care about you. Sorry to be so rough, but you don't love someone and then go out of your way to disrespect them. I'm not saying that mistakes don't sometimes happen in a relationship. I'm not that naive. But I do think that while you may (and that's a big may) be able to write one time off, 2 or more is a pattern. You have to stop excusing boorish behavior under the reason of love. Yeah, you may love him, but do you really think he loves you while he's accumulating a huge collection of panty-drawers, some of which belong to that girl you thought was your friend?

Problem: I think my man is cheating on me, but I have no proof.

Solution: See that's the problem right there. If you can't trust the man you're with, you have no business being with him. There is no need to drive yourself crazy looking for proof of his indiscretions. The mere fact that you suspect strongly enough to hide in the bushes to see who is coming into his crib, is enough to let you know that you guys are not exactly stable. But if you do have to go that route, please don't attack him with half evidence or stuff that you heard from your cousin's girlfriend's neighbor's hairstylist. It's probably not true, and if it is true, its way too easy to deny. Again, my advice would be to stop looking, or if you feel that you need to check up on him, then evaluate your communication. If you guys really talk, then more than likely, you will know where he is or what his plans are for the day, or what time he gets off work. Without nagging or even asking, you'll know. Communication is key!

Problem: I feel like a jump off. How come he won't make me his girlfriend?

Solution: This is common sense right here. Fellas, I'm not really telling any secrets, so don't hate me for it. You don't want to be treated as just a sex object, its simple really. Don't have sex with him the same night you meet him. Not that there's anything wrong with that if that's what you are looking for. But if you want to be wifey material, you gonna have to at least pretend. I'm sure it has happened before, but not too many dudes are gonna wife up the woman that they were able to smash on the first night. Is it a double standard? Absolutely, but it is what it is. Men want to have sex quickly, but they don't respect those partners the same way as they would someone who they, IDK, have had a conversation with? Suggestions? Go out on a few dates, have some phone conversations, get to know the dude before blessing him sexually. Or if that's not possible, if you just can't keep your clothes on around him, accept and thrive in your role. Be the best jumpoff you can be! LOL

Problem: He hit me.

Solution: I'm tempted to give the quick answer: LEAVE HIM!!! Instead, I'll expound a little. It's not okay for a man to hit a woman. I don't care what the circumstances are. The funny thing is everybody knows this, but some people give a pass. This one requires help far more experienced than I can offer, so I would suggest some counseling from a woman's shelter or something. I can honestly say that I don't know what makes an abused woman stay, so I'll leave that one to the experts. Or, you can call your cousins Pookie and Junebug and have them beat the ish out of your Ike Turner-esque boyfriend. Either one works for me.

Problem: He got baby mama drama.

Solution: There isn't one. You don't have any control over this one. If he has drama because he has a relationship with his kids, you are gonna have to just grin and bear it. That's not going away. I would encourage you to stay out of it as much as possible, but be there if he needs to talk about it. If he has baby mama drama because he does NOT have a relationship with his kids, then you need to think about whether you can love and respect someone that could blatantly ignore his own flesh and blood. Remember what I said earlier about patterns? If he could do it to his other kids, its possible he would do it with your future kids too. Just something to think about.

Okay, now I'm about to be late for work, so I'll stop here. What do you think? Is this all common sense? I think so, but then how come people don't follow it?