Barbershop Talk

Real Conversations from the Barbershop. The language is cleaned up a little bit, but you'll get the point.

Barbers on the economy

Barber #1: Man, this economy is effed up!
Barber #2: Shoot, pretty soon, we gon' be chargin' $40 for a haircut.
Barber: #1: I know. Brothas be coming through like once every 3 months. Every nigga gonna have an afro.
Barber #2: Cats gon be looking like them Rastas cuz they can't afford a cut.
Barber #1: White folks gonna be rocking the Jesus hairdo.

Barbers on gas:
Barber # 3: Ain't no gas around here nowhere.
Beautician: I was on Moreland yesterday and all the gas stations are out.
Barber #3: And when they do have gas, they put a limit on how much you can get. I was behind a lady that wanted $22, they said they couldn't give no more than $20
Beautician: $20 gonna make me come back in 3 hours. I can't get nowhere on $20.
Barber # 3: Ain't we been at war for like 10 years to get that oil? When we gonna get it?
Barber # 5: I'm saying. I'm bout to buy me some skates. You gonna see me roller skating down 285 in some lil ass shorts if these gas prices don't go down.


Barbers on Obama:
Barber #4: They sayin we ain't supposed to vote for Obama just cuz he black.
Barber #1: Sheeeeeet, that nigga better take what he can get. Why it matter why I vote for his black tail?
Barber # 3: Nah, I been listening to the dude and he makes a lotta sense.
Barber # 4: Nigga, you ain't been listening to ish. What he say?
Barber #3: (stammers)
Barber #4: You just like the rest of us. Ain't nothing wrong with voting for him cuz he black. You think them white people ain't gonna NOT vote for him cuz he black.
Barber # 1: He ain't really black. I mean he ain't all black. His mom was from Hawaii. She one of them Somalians.
Barber # 3: What?
Barber 1: Somalians. You know them big Hawaiian lookin' mugs.
Barber 4: You mean Samoans! Dag, you dumb homey!

Barbers on McCain/Palin
Barber 1: How you feelin' man?
Customer: Aww, man. I'm feeling good. You see McCain trying to get out of the debate? He scared, dawg. I heard he gonna drop out the race.
Barber #2: Oh for real?
Customer: I mean, not really, but he might as well. Don't nobody wanna vote for a dude who got Alltimer's Disease and a chick that went to 5 different colleges.
Barber #2: Man, I went to 5 different colleges.
Barber #3: And you still ain't graduated yet.
Barber #1: And I sure don't want you dumb ass being assistant president.
Customer: McCain know he ain't got nothin on Barack. That's why he trying to punk out of the 'bate. He can't 'bate Barack. You ain't gonna outtalk no nigga...

Barbers on Weed:
Barber # 6: I ain't even got no cigarette money. Them things is expensive.
Barber # 5: That's why I quit smoking. If I'm a spend $5 on something, I'm a need to get high or something.
Barber #6: Yeah, cigarettes don't do nothing for you. That weed though???
Barber #5: I smoked some purp last night that had me knowing everything. I mean, I coulda been on Jeopardy or some ish.
Beautician: I backslid last week and hit a swisher. It had my mind open.
Barber #5: Don't fall for that! It's a trick. You start out with an open mind, next thing you know you leaving your customers under the dryer while you go get high.
Barber #6: Yeah, but it's good for you.
Barber #5: Sheeeiiitt, it ain't good for you. It's good to you. But that ish ain't medicine!

Barbers on Women:
Barber #1: (tapping me on my shoulder): Hey, man look at that!
Me: Huh?
Barber #1: Shawty bowlegged as hell.
Barber #2: Hey, sweet thing. Thanks for coming in the shop today. You sure brightened it up.
Woman: Thanks!
(she leaves)
Barber #2: That b*tch think she look good. I ain't have the heart to tell her she looked like Dennis Rodman in the face.
Barber #1: Her body bangin' though.
Barber #2: I'd hit it, as long as it's dark. But can't be no moonlight peeking in through the windows. I bet her shadow ugly as hell too.

Barbers on "It Ain't Trickin' If You Got It"
Barber #3: I'm bout to buy Tasha them J's.
Beautician: You bout to buy her some bootleg Jordan's?
Barber #3: It ain't trickin if you got it. I ain't got it, so she get the bootleg joints.

Barbers on Barack pt 2
Barber # 4: Man, Barack is cool and all, but he look like that lame we all went to high school with.
Barber # 2: He was that dude that passed all his tests.
Barber #1: That's what you supposed to do. That's why he bout to be president and you in here cutting hair.
Barber #2: Nigga, you cuttin' hair too.
Barber #1: I'm saying though, don't knock the brotha for being smart.
Barber #2: (turns to 10 year old sitting in his chair) Stay in school, little man!

Barbers on Fashion:
Barber #6: Tell me that cat don't have on no hoodie!
Barber #5: Where!!!! It's like 85 degrees.
Barber # 6: Right there in front of the shop! AYYY, DAWG! TAKE OFF THAT HOODIE!!! YOU LOOK SILLY AS HELL!!!

Barbers on Police:
Siren Sounds:
Barber #3: You mugs got quiet as hell!
Barber #4: I'm saying you know at least half of these cats in here got warrants or weed. Or warrants and weed!
Barber #3: Shoot, the tv even got quiet for a minute. Jerry Springer didn't even wanna say nothing for a minute!