Eye Contact

I finally figured out why people talk to me. I make eye contact when people talk to me. Instead of looking away, I actually look them in the eye. I came to realize this the other day as I was minding my own business sitting at a bar waiting for my to go order. This older white guy sat down and said something or other to me. I involuntarily made eye contact and answered him. That's where my mistake lies... and I have one man to blame. I blame Paul S.. I guess I shouldn't use his real name. Let's call him Poindexter.



I guess it happened back in '04. I was interviewing for a job within my same company. It wasn't something that I really wanted to do, but it paid more and seemed like a nice career progression. Paul Poindexter was the head of this new department, which was all about scheduling and time management. I interviewed with him and I noticed that he never took his eyes off his notes the whole time he was questioning me. I wasn't really good at eye contact, but to me, Poindexter just appeared uncomfortable interviewing me. Whatever, I breezed through the questions and shook his hand as I left. I would eventually get offered the job, but I turned it down to take another more lucrative position.



One of the things that my old job was good about was providing feedback, both positive and negative about the interview process. Even though I was offered the job, I still was given feedback to help me out in my career progression. As I listened to all my good traits, I wasn't expecting to hear this constructive criticism: Rashan could maintain more eye contact in the interview. Da hell? This dude wouldn't look at me, and I'm the one who didn't maintain eye contact. I don't know why, but that really bothered me...



Eventually, knowing that I did what I was supposed to do, it became a running joke with me and my manager. She would, out of the blue, run up on me and yell "eye contact." Or when she would be talking I would stare a hole in her head. I got over the whole fake feedback thing and had some fun with it. Before I knew it, even when I wasn't trying to look people in their eyes, I was. I noticed that it made some people uncomfortable. The best way to catch someone in a lie is to just look at them and don't say a word. Eventually, they will get nervous and start stammering and that's when you know you got them. On the flip side though, as I just came to realize, eye contact makes other people feel too comfortable. Like I seem like I'm interested in what they say. I'm not. I really don't care.



I have to wonder if this is why some people continue to talk to me. I wonder if this is why certain people think I'm interested when I'm not. I'm gonna make a conscious effort to avoid eye contact at all costs. What's strange is that with people I know, I very rarely look them in the eye. I'm either looking off in to space or playing with my phone or iPod while they are talking. If only I could adopt this same practice when strangers start talking to me, perhaps I could be as truly anti social as I want to be.