Potluck

I love food as much as the next guy. Maybe even more. Hell, yesterday, I sat at the bar and got talked to death just so I could get a big juicy steak. But someone tell me why do these cats at work want to have potlucks all the time. They act like if we don't have a potluck, then they will starve. They are downright fanatical about setting up these potlucks and I'm just not down.

I like to experiment with foods. I'll try anything once. That's how I know whether or not I like it. I like going out to restaurants that I've never been to and ordering something exotic. Well, maybe not exotic, but something out of the ordinary. I however am not trying to experiment at work. The difference is that I know that health department regulates that eclectic restaurant. That co worker? Not so much. I don't want to call you nasty, but there is a great possibility of nastiness going down.

To make things worse, they all like me. So, I have to be creative when avoiding their food. I can't just say I'm not hungry. Tried that one before, didn't work. I got pestered to try such and such's potato salad. It was good and I didn't get sick, but I don't like rolling the dice with my intestines. I've poisoned myself before and that was not a good look (remind me to write about that one day.) If I just say no, then some one's feelings will get hurt. I can't deal with women crying so I think I'll do it like this.

I'm gonna put everything on my plate to make it look like I'm trying everything. Then I'll fake a phone call and take my plate outside with me. Then I can just throw it away. I hope no one follows me as people are apt to do. Or maybe I'll just pretend like I have a stomach ache and can't eat another bite. No, they probably would save it for me. Worse come to worse, I'll just knock all the food and blame it on a "gorilla what escaped from the zoo" (What movie is that from?)

See, its like this. I just don't trust people to maintain the proper sanitary conditions. Whether its the guy that doesn't wash his hands after going to the restroom, or the woman who always plays in her hair, or the one with the recurring hacking cough --- and doesn't smoke, I'm just not interested in eating other peoples potentially germy food. Screw a potluck!!