Work Pseudonyms

When me and my homegirl IM each other at work, we use fake names so if somebody is walking by and shoulder surfing, they wont know who we are talking bout. Here are a few of the nicknames we have given our coworkers.


Grape Ape - You may remember this one. She's in her 50's or 60's. She rocks purple all the time and kinda looks like a gorillalalala. She, for some reason, loves me to death. I can do no wrong in her book. She's fond of saying loud in front of actual attractive women, "Shawn, if I wasn't a happily married woman, I'd have something for you!" It's sad because I talk bad about her all the time, but she really likes me. Y'all wanna see a picture? I'll link it right chea. Imagine that she's wearing purple. LOL




Stay Puft - Remember Ghostbusters? The giant marshmallow man? Yeah, that's what we call her. She's big and pasty and walks like a duck. Alternate nickname : Wack Wack Waddle Waddle or 4 Dub.. Please tell me I'm not the only one that remembers this commercial?



STFU - This is a dude that just needs to STFU. He always takes the scenic route when answering a question. You can say "what color is that shirt." He'll respond like this. "Color is an abstract thought. When you see the color, any color for example, but for purposes of this conversation, we'll say blue, you are really not seeing the color blue. It's all about the optic interpretation of your eyes in relation to the mental cohesiveness of your cerebellum. You can't have one with out the other. That's how you can determine that the shirt is green." We just look at him and be like: "Man, shut the fu..."



Dahmer- I wrote about this cat before. He was the one I thought was an internet predator for trying to find a fellow coworkers 12 year old daughters MySpace page. He is just mad creepy. There aren't too many white people that work with me, and he definitely stands out with his staring and goofy grin. He seems like the type that on the surface is normal, but when you get to know him, you realize that he is deeply disturbed and may possibly have bits and pieces of gay Blac.k teen.age ma.le pros.titu.tes in his freezer.



Miss Ma$e - Miss Ma$e actually talks like the rapper turnt minister. She has that mildly retarded speech pattern where she sounds like she's about to make a point but never does. I be thinking she's gonna say "I just said that to make you mad." Sorry if you don't know what that means, but thats the funniest line on Ma$e's first album. I crack up whenever I hear that.



Veggie - This is the former work stalker. She's a vegetarian, hence the nickname. I say she's no longer stalking me. My homegirl says that she's gonna stab me with a carrot one day. I say she and STFU would make a good couple. She says she's gonna put rutabagas in my gas tank. We are so weird.


Macho Macho Man - Tuesday this dude wore a tye died scarf under a construction hard hat. He had a Village People vibe going on. I guess I should explain that one. We had a 70's day at work the other day where everybody dressed up as a tv show or movie from the 70's. We were "Good Times." (I was Buffalo Butt - just as an aside) This guy was playing the father and wore a hard hat. At some point during the meeting, he tied the scarf on his head and put the construction hat on top of it. Mad suspect, yo! I half expected him to break out in the YMCA dance. LOL





Man, they had a Soul Train line during our little recognition meeting I just mentioned. Twan busted out in a half split. I tried to get pictures but my batteries were dying and it was mad dark. Then this big guhl wearing a dress, jumped in the air and did a full split. It was crazy, yo! If my homegirl actually uploads the video like she's supposed to, I'll share it with you guys. I hope this post is appropriately dumbed down, since it seems like the last one was too personal or something. Yes, I'm hating!!! LOL. Aiight, ONE!!!