Rashan Talks To Inanimate Objects

And now another episode of Rashan Talks To Inanimate Objects... presented with limited commercial interruptions by Charter Hospital...If you don't get help at Charter, please get help somewhere.


Word, job? You sure you wanna do this? I mean, I’m not complaining about the new relaxed dress code. This should help me get to work earlier. I sure don’t feel like ironing every morning. I don’t mind wearing jeans to work. And I wont be rocking sneakers or Timbs in accordance with your new dress code, but are you sure? You know where we live right? This is Atlanta . You can’t really give people an inch, cuz they will take a mile. Have you seen the way these ladies dress on casual days? Heck, even on regular days they push the envelope, but you are really gonna give them free reign? Don’t say I didn’t tell you so, when our building starts looking like Friday night at Esso. Wait, it already looks like that some days. When it starts looking like Roosters, then you gonna see I was right. But again.. Not a complaint. Just wanna make sure you know what you are doing.

Time, what are you doing? Why are you going so slowly? You gonna make these 3 weeks seem like 3 weeks? Can’t you just speed along like you do when I’m having fun instead of being torturous, maddening and mad long? Come on, do it for me!!!

Traffic, I’m a need you to not do what you are doing right now. I just wanted a 6 piece Chick Fil A nugget joint. Its 3 minutes to get there, 3 minutes to get back. Why am I sitting in you, stupid traffic! This ain’t even the highway. I’m gonna really spend ¾ of my lunch hour messing with you. Now you gonna just block my shortcut back to the office.? I’m bout to get out and walk. Wait a minute, I’m a liar. It’s 97 degrees out here. That’s another thing. You got me burning that AC which means gas which means money. Again, I just wanted some nuggets, yo! Give me my free, traffic. GIVE ME FREE!!!

Hey Patron Bottle. I'm sorry I left you in the trunk for 4 days. I hope you still taste good. I mean, you are unopened and wrapped up in a jacket, but I hope the extreme heat hasn't messed with you. You cost $46 so I'm gonna drink you no matter what, but I hope you still taste right. My bad, shawty!

Hey, poetry. Do me a favor and stop being all poetic. Just say what you mean and mean what you say. I ain't got time to be figuring out hidden meanings and symbolic phrases. By the way.. winter as a metaphor for death...its been done to winter, nah mean?

What's the deal, car? I never did give you a name. Didn't imagine you'd stick around as long as you have. I appreciate the longevity. You did good last week. We got 3 more trips to go in the foreseeable future, so just make sure you stay up. I'll do my part feeding you gas and oil, and making sure there's air in the tires. You in turn, don't come up with some obscure problem that I couldn't anticipate in a million years. You know how you and the rest of my cars have done. None of that this time, we got business to tend to.

Chalazion. Good looking out on finally going away. I was getting mad tired of that bump over my left eye. Although I could have done with out the oils seeping into my eye and making me feel like I was crying, I understand you did what you had to do. But for real. Remember a couple of years ago, when I told you not to come back. I even stopped wearing my contacts for 6 months at a time without cleaning or changing them. But you came back anyway. Jerk!!! Can you make this the last time please?

Sunglasses. I don't understand you. What makes you so cool? Why everybody wanna have some of you. Why people wear you at the club, especially the real dark ones? Why women have the real big ones that cover 1/2 their faces? Do you think you look good like that? I don't quite get it. Perhaps, I'm just hating cuz you don't look right on me, but I just don't get your appeal. Stupid shades!

Okay that's enough talking to things that can't talk back to me. I'm out!