Rashan's Dating Resume

A Tongue In Cheek Dating Resume


123 Evergreen Circle
Atlanta Georgia 30302
Phone 678 592 XXXX
E-mail visionz74@yahoo.com

RASHAN JAMAL

Objective
To obtain a meaningful relationship with the right woman. Preferably someone with a big booty, nice lips and conversational skills.

Qualifications
Proficient in the art of monogamy. Highly skilled in laughter providing. Always remember birthdays and anniversaries. 33 years domestic violence free. Opens car doors, holds doors open, and respectful to parental units. Currently gaining "Just Because" gift certification.

Experience:
1989
Employer - Dedra W.
Position - First Boyfriend
Duties - Duties included meeting in the chorus room after 3rd period. Getting phone number but being too scared to call her. Not knowing what to do with a girlfriend.
Reason for Leaving: Position was entry level and temporary. Mutually agreed to seek other opportunities.

1991
Employer - Shaylinda J.
Position - High School Sweetheart
Duties - Duties included helping her mother find new clientele for her weed business. Stolen moments at the high school football games. Escorting to Junior prom in a tuxedo with a hideous purple bow tie and cummerbund to match her equally hideous purple dress.
Reason for Leaving: Position lived across town and neither one of us had a car. Plus, going to different schools put a strain on the relationship as did her mother's arrest on drug charges.

1992
Employer - Brandy L
Position - High School to College Bridge Operator
Duties - Letting her say that she was dating a senior while she was a freshman. Borrowing my mom's Ford Tempo to hang out with her at her mama's crib. Indulging her crazy sayings and personality quirks.
Reason for Leaving - Started attending college classes at Savannah State which fueled her (unfounded at the time) insecurities about hot co-eds.

1994 -1997
Employer - Lisa T.
Position - First Love/Long Term Boyfriend
Duties - Duties included seeing at least 6 days out the week. Picking up and taking home from classes. Standing Friday night date of dinner and a movie, followed by hanging out at her room in her sister's house. Patiently waiting for sexual activity. Constant companionship. Forging good relationships with her family. Introducing to mom and grandma. Successfully balancing quality time with her and my friends.
Reasons for Leaving: Mutually agreed to part ways a few months after College graduation, but remain friends, which was the strongest part of our relationship. No animosity or ill will exists.

1998 -
Employer - Veronica H.
Position - What the hell was I thinking?/Stalkee
Duties - Getting stalked. Liking the attention so much that I looked past the glaring signs that she was crazy. Protected her daughter from vicious ass-beatings (I was the only one she listened to and that was only sometimes.) Never going out in public. Refusing to marry her even though she asked me multiple times. Refusing to lie and say I loved her. Confusing all my friends by staying with her for 6 months even though it was clear I didn't even like her. Did I mention getting stalked?
Reason for leaving - I know I'm supposed to be positive on my resume, but I can't muster up anything except...THIS CHICK IS NUTS!!! I GOT EMAILS TO PROVE IT!!! Who tries to put roots on their exes? Who threatens to kill themselves because they got dumped. 10 Years of ignoring and being mean to her and she still sends me messages on MySpace.

1999-2001
Employer - Nicole T.
Position - Live in Booty
Duties - Moving in together after 6 days of dating. Running off all my female friends for her. Committing white collar crime together (allegedly) Moving to Atlanta with her after alleged white collar crime blew up in my face. Falling in love with her. Living together for 2 years. Remaining non violent when she confessed her infidelity.
Reason for leaving: She decided to fill my position with a new employee.

2001 - 2003
Employer - Free lance
Position - Manwhore/Hermit
Duties - Not caring about them hoes. Not loving them hoes. Not being bothered with them hoes.
Reason for leaving - Got back to being the real me, the serial monogamist

2003-2004
Employer - Tweety B.
Position - Long Distance Relationship Guy
Duties - Making 3 hours drive bi monthly to see her. Long phone conversations when we weren't in person. Managing not to snap when she questioned me all the time. Not changing when she wanted me to. Fought through incompatibility to remain warm and friendly.
Reason for leaving: Realized on the eve of our one year anniversary that there was no marriage potential due to our great incompatibility and decided to end it before any more time was wasted.

2004 - Present
Employer - Freelance
Position - Picky Guy/Fun Haver/Wrong woman chooser
Duties - Trying new things such as dating just to date, meeting people in non traditional ways and not being so serious all the time. Meeting people and quickly dismissing them for a myriad of reasons. Forming intense relationships that never go past the friendship phase. Helping a series of married woman to realize that they should stay with their husbands. Just hanging out and keeping it light until I find Miss Right.
Reason for Leaving - Want to be prepared if /when Miss Right will have me.

References Provided Upon Request.